Title: Obito's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Summary: Obito befriends his asshole of a teammate, saves the girl he loves, and sacrifices himself for his team. But instead of getting smooshed under a few tons of solid rock, he finds himself nine years in the future, in the midst of the Uchiha Massacre.
Obito Uchiha was, all in all, a good person. He helped old ladies cross the street, was polite to his elders, and was loyal to his village and his friends. So maybe he kind-of-maybe had a grudge against his silver-haired, arrogant bastard of a teammate. But in his defense, Kakashi was an asshole- and they had already put an end to their enmity, anyways.
He had died a hero's death and saved his teammate's life. So why the hell was he spending his afterlife getting stabbed at by a psycho Uchiha in an ANBU uniform? He'd been expecting… well, he didn't know, really, but he was sure he would be getting something better than this.
This really is the worst day in my life, Obito thought glumly.
It had started out so well, too.
That morning, he had woken up to the blinding sun, exhausted and strangely excited at the same time. He hadn't slept much the previous night, as he had stayed up and talked to Minato-sensei- and Obito had gained a better insight into the mind of his asshole of a teammate.
Kakashi's father had committed seppuku after a mission gone wrong- after Sakumo Hatake had given up the mission for the lives of his teammates. And six year old Kakashi had been the one to find his body.
That must have been really traumatic, and knowing about it helped Obito understand why his teammate always seemed to have a ten foot pole up his ass when it came to the rules of shinobi.
He understood, but didn't agree. But even so, he really felt like he should give his teammate a chance. Hell, maybe one day they could become friends!
Hah. As if. But that was still a nice thought.
Obito gritted his teeth. He didn't want to say it, even if the bastard was his commanding officer. The way his teammate was looking at him just made him want to pop him a good one.
But he wanted to make peace, didn't he? So that meant he had to extend the olive branch. He shouldn't expect Kakashi to do it, after all. The jerk would probably take off his mask before he would admit that he was wrong.
"Let's go… commander." He said grudgingly, a scowl on his face.
Rin stared at him with wide eyes. Kakashi- or what he could tell, anyways, with that freaking mask covering half of his damn face- stared at him like Obito had stripped naked and had started doing pirouettes. Minato-sensei, on the other hand, smiled at him proudly- okay, fine, he looked surprised too, at first.
Really, was it that out of character for him? …No, actually, don't answer that.
The mission had gone strangely well. The way Sensei described it, Obito had been expecting enemy nin coming at them from ever direction- but he hadn't seen a single Iwa nin yet. Were they in the wrong place? He was pretty sure about his map-reading skills, but who knows.
Then Kakashi had raised up a hand in warning and the shit really hit the fan.
He heard a whoosh of air and whirled around, only to see a bunch of very sharp wooden stakes flying at him and his team. Obito stared for a moment. Those weren't there before. Then his instincts, borne from all those hours of sparring and training, came into play, and his fingers flashed into seals forming his clan's signature technique.
Fire Release! Great Fireball!
The danger was reduced to ash in a sudden, intense burst of flames. The Uchiha took a few seconds to silently congratulate himself. He had been so proud that day when he finally figured out the technique and had blown the flames across the lake- not wanting to catch anything on fire- but he had never really had the chance to use it in combat.
But now he did, and boy, was it badass. He snuck a look at Kakashi, hoping to see the jerk's mouth open in shock and awe. Let's see who's the crybaby now? But his face fell when he realized that his teammate was already diving at an enemy nin, forcing the man back with several expertly thrown kunai.
Yeah, no. Not wanting to be shown up, Obito followed. The two worked pretty well, actually. They complemented each other's moves, striking when the other distracted their victim. That was until he heard a loud, very familiar scream.
He spun around, ignoring the enemy ninja he had been fighting, and looked in horror as another Iwa nin picked up Rin's prone body and grinned at him with crooked teeth. An one fingered salute- and the man was gone, along with the one he had been fighting- and to Obito's horror, they took Rin with them.
No. No. Nonononononono- He ran forward, not really caring where he went. But he had to find Rin, and in order to find Rin, he had to find the enemy nin that took her. His face tensed with concentration and-
"Obito." A low voice said from behind him, and his back straightened out of his control. "Don't go after them."
Kakashi. But he didn't understand- if they let the enemy nin get away-
"Not go after- What are you talking about? They took Rin!" He demanded angrily, whirling around to glare at his teammate.
"Easy. We'll continue the mission." The silver-haired boy shrugged nonchalantly. "They won't kill Rin. Not immediately, anyways. But our success rate will drop dramatically if we waste the time to go after them, and that's just something I can't-"
His hands clenched at his sides, turning a bloodless white. He had been angry at Kakashi before, but this- this-
"Bullshit." Obito growled. "You're going to just- to just throw her away, just for your precious mission? Rin saved your life. She saved all of our lives, and you would be dead ten times over without her. Hell, if you were the one who was kidnapped, we wouldn't even hesitate to come after you!"
"But I wasn't." The bastard said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. "Even an idiot like you should understand. It's Rin's duty."
Holy crap, he didn't.
Obito couldn't help himself. He knew he was breaking several incredibly important shinobi rules by doing so, and he could possibly be court martialed for attacking a superior officer, but to hell with it. All he cared about was Rin, who might be tortured right now- and Kakashi's smug face.
He punched the arrogant asshole right in the jaw. His knuckles kinda hurt afterwards, but it was totally worth it. In fact, he had dreamed about it more than a few times- and it felt just as good as he had imagined. To hell with the bastard Kakashi and his precious shinobi rules!
They shouted at each other some more, but Obito didn't have the time to argue. Rin didn't have time right now. The Iwa nin could kill her at any moment! He had to go help her.
"I believe..." He said finally, "that the 'White Fang' was a true hero."
Kakashi stared at him with wide eyes.
"You've always said that those in the ninja world who break rules and regulations are called trash..." He swallowed his tears, trying valiantly to stop the burning sensation in his eyes. Obito wasn't gonna let Kakashi see him cry, dammit- especially not now!
"But those who don't care about their companions are even worse trash. And if doing what I'm going to do makes me trash, well, I'll break the rules! If protecting my teammates is not part of being a true shinobi, then I will crush that idea of a shinobi!"
Kakashi had a stricken look on his face. Good. Maybe he actually had feelings. But Obito didn't care about that, not right now. He shot his teammate one last disgusted look and turned his back on him, deliberately walking slowly. But Kakashi didn't try to stop him.
Rin! He swore to himself, I'll save you, no matter what!
That was actually... not that hard. Who knew walking in a random direction would lead you to your enemy's secret hideout? Obito sure didn't, but he was glad that it worked out. It had been surprisingly easy to find where the Iwa nin had taken Rin.
Maybe they just couldn't measure to his superior Uchiha intellect! He grinned to himself, unaware of the eyes watching him from the darkness. Even though Obito had just fallen into an ambush just a few hours earlier, it didn't occur to him that this might be yet another trap. After all, it probably wasn't a good idea to fight Rock nin in a cave.
But the Uchiha remained oblivious. He crouched over Rin's form, mentally preparing himself.
He could see it now- Rin waking up, her beautiful brown eyes looking at him with adoration- Thank you so much for saving me! The imaginary Rin seemed to whisper to a slowly blushing Obito, Let me reward my hero with a kiss~
"Eh.. hehe..." He grinned stupidly to himself. "Come on Rin, let's go." He reached out a hand to shake Rin awake, and that was when he heard it.
"Go where?" An amused voice said from behind him.
Obito yelped in shock. Oh, crap. There wasn't enough time for him to dodge whatever the other had in his hands, and as he turned around to face the enemy nin, Obito had a sinking feeling in his stomach that he wasn't going to come out of this mission alive.
Mom.. Dad... Rin... I'm sorry!
He heard a wet squirting sound and stared at the blood that now covered the front of his jacket. D-did they stab him? But he felt perfectly fine!
"Don't stand there like an idiot, Obito." A familiar voice drawled, and Obito blinked. A silver haired figure was standing over the enemy nin who had been perfectly poised to end his life in one blow- but it couldn't be, he had stayed behind!
"Kakashi..." He gasped, eyes wide behind his goggles. "You...?"
"Heh. I can't leave it all to a crybaby ninja like you!"
Obito knew he should be pissed off at being called a crybaby again- it's all dust, seriously!- but right now, he found that he didn't really care. Staring at his teammate in amazement, he wondered if this was really happening. Though Kakashi had told him in no uncertain terms that there was no way he would come back and save Rin... he was here, and he just saved Obito's life.
Hah, maybe Kakashi wasn't as much of a bastard as he thought!
More Iwa nin were appearing out of the shadows of the cave, and Obito tensed himself for a fight. But he wasn't all that worried. After all, he had his teammate by his side, didn't he?
Obito had never had any friends, not really.
The fellow Uchiha clan kids had avoided him and the other Academy students made fun of him most of the time. His parents had died when he was young, leaving behind only a yellowing old family photo taken when Obito was still a baby. After the mission that had gone horribly wrong, he had been taken in by some of the elders of the Uchiha Clan. He became a legal adult when he became genin, and was given a small property on the outskirts of the Uchiha Clan compound.
Other Uchiha families used him as an example to their children- an example of what not to be like. He was the black sheep of the clan, the one who couldn't activate his Sharingan at age thirteen. Not to mention, he wore goggles. What kind of self-respecting Uchiha had such weak, such flawed eyes to need eyewear?
They never said it to his face, but Obito wasn't deaf- he knew what exactly they said about him.
Now that he thought of it, Rin was the only person who actually treated him with any kind of respect at all. Well, that and the old people he helped on a daily basis- and Mikoto-san and little Itachi, who he took out to dango sometimes, who seemed to be the only people in the Uchiha Clan who would care whether he was alive or not. But they didn't really count, did they?
He had cheered when he was placed on the same team as Rin- up until he found out that the other teammate would be some genius brat who had been the apprentice of their teacher- the infamous Yellow Flash!- since he was five. Then they had actually met, and Obito had been introduced to the biggest jerk he knew.
But now, Kakashi didn't seem that bad- not anymore. Maybe, just maybe, Obito could count him as a friend.
It had all gone downhill from there. Kakashi got his eye slashed open by a kunai, all because Obito was too slow to dodge. And yet, the bastard didn't even seem to care that he had just, more likely than not, lost his eye- permanently.
Dammit. He could feel some tears dripping from the corners of his eyes, and he knew that Kakashi could see them too. He swallowed a lump in his throat, humiliated. Nngh... Hell, Kakashi was the one who lost an eye, and he wasn't crying.
But the jounin didn't even insult him, only saying gruffly that he was still alive and so there was no reason for tears. He even seemed to have gained a sense of humor- a really crappy one, and at the worst time possible- even joking weakly about dust.
It's always other people who saved him. Obito didn't want to be useless, didn't want to drag his team down.
I can't let that happen- not again, he swore to himself, I won't be the idiot anymore. Now it's my turn to save my teammates... Kakashi... Rin...
That was when everything changed.
It was an incredible moment where all of his senses intensified. Obito stood tense, letting the new knowledge wash over him, suddenly aware of the small breeze wafting around him, the quiet rustle of leaves, the heavy breaths of his bleeding friend kneeling next to him.
And- of a presence behind them, someone who absolutely did not belong, someone lifting his arms up, ready to strike.
Instinctively, the boy plunged a kunai behind him, into the collection of bright blue chakra pathways.
Kakashi stared, his one eye wide, as his teammate stabbed what seemed to be thin air, and gaped as the 'thin air' reformed into the form of an Iwa nin, bleeding from the grievous wound in his belly .
"H-How...? I shouldn't be seen..." The man grunted in pain, eyes comically wide. "You... those eyes...?"
One tomoe spun in Obito's scarlet eyes. The Sharingan! He thought to himself, almost gleefully. The Uchiha had almost thought that he would never get the signature doujutsu of his clan- but he had, and with great timing too!
"Yeah... this is the Sharingan- I can see the movement of chakra-!" He stared awestruck at his own hands.
I can finally protect the people I care about!
Kakashi groaned behind him. "Ngh... My left eye... I think it's completely useless. But it's alright. I have the medicine pack from Rin- I'll live."
Obito gave Kakashi a worried look, but nodded firmly. It wasn't as if they could do anything about that eye right now. Rin was an amazing medic nin. She could fix Kakashi back up- as soon as they found her.
They found Rin sitting blankly in the corner of the cave, an Iwa nin touching her hair and murmuring something Obito couldn't quite catch. His hands clenched into tight, bloodless white fists, fury boiling in him. How dare the bastard touch her like that?
"She's under a genjutsu..." He remarked to himself, noticing the irregular chakra pathways under Rin's skin.
The Iwa nin noticed their approach and attacked. The Uchiha hesitated for a moment, like a newbie shinobi frozen by killer intent- but moved at the last second, allowing Kakashi to strike the enemy nin, who was caught off guard by the teamwork.
Ha! He thought to himself proudly, serves you right to underestimate 'kids'!
Once the danger was gone, Obito ran over to Rin and released her from her genjutsu. The girl looked up, surprised, and he told her excitedly, "We're here to save you now! Let's go."
"Heh-! You brats... that was a good combination. But now, you're right in my hands-!"
Obito sweatdropped. Maybe they shouldn't have ignored the last Iwa nin so readily... But he couldn't do much damage, right? They were in a cave! Any attack would kill him along with them...
"Earth Release! Rock Lodgement Destruction!"
Crap. The boulders that made up the roof of the cave began to rain down on them, one of them slamming onto the ground right next to Obito's foot. That... was too close. He shuddered.
"We have to get out of here now!" Kakashi shouted, somewhat needlessly, and ran toward the entrance, Rin and Obito racing after him.
Then the shit hit the fan- or in this case, a rock hit the jounin right in his blind spot, sending Kakashi sprawling onto the dusty floor. Obito leapt forward to help him up, only to notice a growing black shadow around the jounin's fallen body. He tilted his head heavenwards.
A rock- a boulder, a huge one at that- was coming straight toward them. Obito reacted instinctively, throwing Kakashi out of harm's way- but leaving no time for himself to get out of the boulder's path.
Obito held Rin's terrified gaze for a short second. Sorry Rin... Kakashi... looks like I'm not going to be able to leave this cave with you guys.
He could almost feel the boulder on top of him- gravity not yet taking its course- and that was when Obito realized something.
He didn't want to die- which was kinda obvious, nobody wants to die, not really. It was human nature! But if the boulder fell on him, he would die- after all, who can survive a half ton of rock crushing their body?
In a last moment of desperation, Obito forced all of his chakra towards his eyes. Which was strange, because it wasn't like activating his Sharingan could get him out of this situation... could it?
But something must have happened, because the heavy weight of that boulder just starting to crush his body... disappeared. He breathed a sigh of relief.
Then Rin disappeared, along with everything else. The cave he was in, the boulder, his teammates.. Obito blinked, and he wasn't in the cave anymore. In fact, everything was black. No, he decided, not black- almost like- a sort of nothingness. For some reason, he felt like he was floating.
What... the hell?
But just as he was about to panic and swing his arms wildly, Obito felt gravity pull him down and he thudded onto a cold, rocky ground.
Wait... this wasn't the cave- there was dirt here, not only rocks- a very familiar feeling dirt at that. He would know. After all, he had spent most of his thirteen years getting his face rubbed into this dirt by the older kids.
He looked up with wide eyes and realized with a start that he knew where he was. He was right outside the... Uchiha Compound?
Is this... the afterlife?
It made sense, even though he desperately hoped it wasn't true. But what other possibility was there? The last thing he knew was that he was going to get smashed by a huge ass rock.
He didn't have time get out from under it- and besides, wouldn't he be still in the cave if he had?
So... he was dead, huh? But he saved his teammates, and that's the important thing. Obito wiped at his eyes furiously. Ugh, why did there have to be dust in the afterlife?
But the Uchiha Compound... damnit, Obito did not want to spend his eternal afterlife in a place like this! It held only unpleasant memories for him- after all, he never knew his parents and the only thing he had left of them was a crumply, old photograph of them holding him as a baby, a few months before they went on their final mission.
The only other two Uchiha he liked were alive, anyways, so he shouldn't be seeing them here.
The Compound was eerily silent, but Obito chalked it up to everyone in it being... well, dead.
He was right about that, but not exactly in the way he thought.
Obito got up slowly, determinedly trying to stand on his wobbly feet. Whatever had happened... it took a lot of chakra out of him. He made his way to his family home steadily- maybe his parents were waiting for him; maybe, he could actually get to know them!
But nobody greeted him when he rapped his knuckles on the wood, and when the boy pushed open the unlocked door, the room was dim and a strange coppery scent filled the air.
"...Mother? Father? Um... it's your son! Obito! Are... you there?" He called out nervously.
There was no answer.
Obito took a step in and froze. He had just... stepped in something- a puddle of something sticky, wet...
Leaning down, he touched some with a finger and brought it up to his eyes, squinting to see in the darkness, and yelped in surprise.
It was blood.
The Uchiha saw the vague outline of a person on the ground and after a brief examination, during which Obito desperately tried not to retch, he found that it belonged to an Uchiha, one who he did not recognize. Blood stained the back of the man's shirt, turning the symbol into a pure crimson blob instead of the bi-colored fan.
His head started pounding, his throat was constricting, and before he knew it, he was running out of the house in a panic. This- this was not the afterlife, not when there's dead bodies lying around!
The neighboring home contained three more bodies- one of which belonged to a baby; what kind of monster would do something like this? All the bodies bore wounds that seemed to have been caused by an expertly wielded katana.
Obito had to tell someone- a Clan elder, or even Fugaku-san, even if the man was an uptight bastard. Someone had massacred a bunch of Uchihas, but they weren't going to get away with it- not if he could help it!
Rin... Kakashi... I'm still alive! I'll find you guys again- but first I have to catch an Uchiha killer!
There was a single illuminated house. That's the house of the Clan Head, the boy thought to himself, the Uchiha officials are probably holding a meeting in there. With this in mind, he ran in noisily, shouting, "Uchiha-sama! There are bodies in the-!"
The room was empty except for the slight form of a dangerous looking boy dressed in bloodstained ANBU uniform, holding a bloody katana in his hand. There was no doubt to which clan he belonged to- his raven black hair and blood red Sharingan (though with a pattern Obito had never seen before) made it beyond obvious.
"Y-You... you're the one who did this!" Obito stammered out, fear pulsating through him.
The other boy gave no reply, simply turning his head to look at him with emotionless eyes.
"H-Hey, don't look at me like that! You're an Uchiha too- why would you kill everyone else?" Obito shouted again, this time activating his Sharingan and glaring at the other with intense loathing.
The sight of the other's Sharingan sparked a violent reaction from the young ANBU, and he lunged forward to strike the other down.
Dammit, I guess he's only targeting Uchihas... Obito thought, and cursed himself for getting himself into this situation. Maybe it would have been a good idea to wait...
He dodged the first blow with some difficulty and just barely avoided the second. He landed on his bottom and scrambled away desperately before his back thudded into the back wall, air escaping his lungs in one big huff.
But it was too late- the traitor Uchiha, whoever he was, was already upon him. Obito could see his own frightened reflection in the cold steel and swallowed nervously- had he somehow survived the cave in, only to get killed by some lunatic Uchiha?
Steel flashed and Obito waited for death, the second time that day, wishing desperately that he could turn transparent or something and avoid that deadly blade...
The tip of the katana cut deep into the wall of the compound with a thwip. Obito looked down in surprise and nearly screamed. The foot of steel had gone right through his chest, where his heart should be.
...But there wasn't any blood, nor was there pain... Was he a... ghost...?
His attacker was taken aback, looking distinctly confused. He yanked the blade out of the wall- and Obito's chest- and stared, surprised.
Obito jumped up with an energy he didn't know he had and pointed a triumphant finger at the ANBU. "Ha!" He crowed gloatingly, "Try to kill me all you want, but you won't succeed-!"
A shuriken flew from the other's hand and embedded itself deep into Obito's hand. He looked at it in horror, then stared at its thrower, then back at his injury.
"Um-! Forget I said anything, don't kill me!" Obito wailed pathetically, scrambling away from the insane murderer.
His attacker ignored his pleas and shifted into a proper stance, preparing to strike again.
Obito opened an eye carefully and gawked at the sudden new arrival in the back of the room. What a weirdo! The man had on an orange mask with what looked like black flames on the edges, with a single eyehole. Though... he had a great hairstyle, Obito had to admit. A bit long, but definitely stylish.
The homicidal ANBU- Itachi, apparently? He didn't know the name was common- paused hesitantly.
"Madara-sama, he knows too much now, he-"
The masked man interrupted him. "Don't question me. Leave this one."
Itachi nodded reluctantly, wiping his viscera covered katana on a cloth and slipping it back into his sheath.
Well, saving Obito from certain death definitely gave 'Madara-sama'- and that rang a bell- points, in his opinion. He opened his mouth to thank the man-
"Itachi, go 'take care' of your brother. I've already finished off the rest of the Uchiha."
"Y-you killed them all? You bastard!" Obito seethed, giving him a hateful crimson glare.
The cloaked man chuckled and looked at him amusedly. Obito was shocked to see the tell tale red of a Sharingan coming from his eyehole.
He's... also an Uchiha?
"Heh. You... are a strange one. One day, when we're not so strapped for time... I'll have to see where exactly you came from- and who made you."
"Itachi. Let's go."
"H-Hey wait-!" Obito yelped, stumbling toward the pair to no avail. They disappeared in a puff of smoke.
He had exhausted too much chakra today, and Obito certainly felt the effects now. His legs crumpled from beneath him and he slumped to the ground bonelessly, losing control of his body.
The world turned dark for Obito as he fell into unconsciousness.
There isn't really a good place to explain it in the actual story, so as of now, this is the whole time travel/dimension travel reasoning: Even though Obito shouldn't have the Mangekyo Sharingan, and thus Kamui, he somehow used it to survive the boulder crushing, so I'm incorporating it here too. Kamui involves sending something into a different dimension- including yourself. So what if an overuse sent /everything/ into another dimension? Basically, Obito is from a dimension parallel to the original canon, so the Obito from canon still becomes what he did, and Kakashi still has the eye.
The title... well, obviously it won't have that much in common with the movie with the related title, but I'll probably make this fic a bit more comedic than my other ones. After all, you put two pranksters in one apartment, you're bound to get some... interesting results.
I dedicate this fic to BC, who helped with editing and writing the story. The next update will probably be up in no more than a week. The cover image is from zerochan, with some editing involved.