I scurry to the closet and crouch down hugging my knees after hearing the lock jiggle as the key is turned. He is here. From the slats in the closet door, I can see mommy asleep on the couch. He storms over to her and yanks her awake.
"Get up bitch, it's time to work," he yells at mommy.
She sits up and blinks a few times but then grabs his shirt, clutching it with the most desperate look in her eyes.
"You got something for me baby? I need it, please," my mommy begs.
The mean man grabs her arm and they go into the kitchen. I can hear them talking while they are using that strange glass thing. Mommy always needs that before work. It makes work better for her.
After they come back from the kitchen to the living room, the mean man opens the door and another man walks in. I feel bad that mommy looks so tired and the new man is touching her, taking her clothes off.
She is lying on the floor naked with the man on top of her. It looks like he is hurting her but he isn't. The one time I ran to her, the mean man slapped my face and told me mommy likes it so I know I have to stay right where I am.
Mommy's pretty brown hair looks like a blanket on the floor around her head but she keeps pushing it back out of her face. If I could only braid it for her, it would stay out of her face and make her happy.
After the man with mommy gets up and leaves, the mean man starts searching around. He's looking for me.
"Hey you little brat! Where are you," he yells.
I see through the cracks, he is walking to the closet door. It suddenly swings open and he pulls me out by my shirt.
"Think you can hide from me you little shit," he yells at me more.
I glance at mommy who is asleep again. I don't want to wake her when she is tired so I try to be quiet.
"You worthless little shit. Go get me a beer." He tells me.
I know that he wants the bottle in the refrigerator with the dark blue paper on it so I get it.
"Now get out of here," he says so I run to the bedroom and sit down on the floor, again hugging my knees.
It's been so long since breakfast. When is mommy going to feed me…?
Noooooo!" I scream, bolting upright in bed. My clothes are dripping in sweat and my body is shaking when my mom and dad come running into my room. The horrified expression on my mom's face tells me that I must look terrible. I can feel my hair all matted and clinging to my head.
My mom rushes to the bed and sits beside me, "Oh baby," she says softly as she soothes me by caressing my hair. She knows that she cannot touch my chest or back and I trust that she won't. She knows I do not like it, though I know that it hurts her to not be able to hold me.
"Christian?" She asks.
I glance at her and my dad standing in front of me. They look worried and again, just like every other night, I am totally embarrassed. They should be use to it by now, hell we all should. This happens every night yet they never get angry with me about it and they never ask me to explain.
Other than the nightmares, the past two weeks have been pretty uneventful, though apparently it was the calm before the storm. Am I really that naïve to think things would remain like this?
Elliot picks Mia and I up from school but when we get home he slams the door shut and tosses his bag on the floor. He pounds on the keys of his phone, texting back to someone, but he is frustrated and I think it is due to the fact that he can't text well with a cast on his arm.
"Son of a bitch!" He shouts and heads up to his room. Mia is all excited about her up coming dance recital and is flittering about the house showing me all the moves to her dances. She is exhausting to watch, especially for someone like me who gets little sleep.
When mom gets home she is not in a good mood either and she is on her phone. My dad is working on a big lawsuit that is taking up most of his time. He even stayed at the office one night.
"Carrick…no…you cannot keep doing this…fine," she yells into the phone and hangs up abruptly without even saying goodbye. Then she turns her attention to Mia who leaves the TV to start dancing all over again for mom.
If that isn't enough, I got assigned a project in US History with two other people. Neither one is pulling their weight with the project. I will not allow them to ruin my perfect GPA by slacking off. It irritates me to no end that they can be so lazy to not care about their grades.
Then the kid I got in a fight with and his friends have started giving me shit again. They hit my clothes during gym so I was late to my next class and they got into my locker, trashing it.
The weather has cooled considerably and I cannot help but be apprehensive about what Elena and I are going to use as excuses for me to come over, Elena, who went to Europe for two weeks with Linc.
That evening at dinner, I found out that Elliot's girlfriend broke up with him. They had only been dating a couple of months but he is really pissed off that she dumped him.
"I can't believe her," Elliot says irritably.
"It's not like you won't have another girl by the weekend," I say with an annoyed tone.
"Oh like you even know what a girl is!" He snaps at me.
"Fuck off, Elliot!" I yell back.
"Christian!" My mom shouts, "You will not speak that way in front of Mia or at this table."
"Fine!" I say and grab my empty plate, heading to the kitchen. Afterwards, I go to the piano and start playing Berloiz: Symphony Fantastique. The rush in the song fits my mood at the moment. I play and play as my adrenaline builds within me. Finally, I shove myself up from the piano and head directly to my room.
Once inside, I clench and unclench my fists. As I stare into the mirror all I can think is the volcano is about to erupt. Then I remember that Elena gave me the anal toy to use that reminds me to wait…wait until we are in the playroom. Wait until then to vent my rage. Will it really help?