Title: So What's Your Hidden Desire?

Author: Bendyfish

Setting: the whole Torchwood team are still alive, Season 2, in my stories the team are always together, never dead. Rating M just to be on the safe side but it is more T rated.

Story line: An alien artefact is brought in, before Jack can tell them to contain it, it releases a gas, a bit of madcap silliness ensues.

Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Jack/Owen, Owen/Tosh, Tosh/Gwen, Jack/Janet, Myfanwy/resident mouse – like I said silliness.

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Torchwood, just borrow the characterisations. I don't own the rights to the lyrics of All I Want Is You by U2, I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith and Rock Around the Clock by Bill Hayley and the Comets, just borrowing them for this fic.

So What Is Your Hidden Desire?

Chapter One: And the day started off so well


"Owen, there's a great band playing at the local tonight, interested?" Tosh asks hopefully.

"Ahh.. umm….what?" Owen says distractedly.

"Local pub, local band called Blue Gillespie, great music, some down time" Tosh says enthusiastically

"Sorry Tosh not really into music, or bands" Owen says without even looking Tosh's way as he is engrossed with something on his computer.

"Oh… okay" Tosh says resignedly.

"What about karoke, great way to wind down after this hectic week" Gwen attempts, feeling for her friend.

"Nar, don't really sing, and watching people make fools of themselves as they sing, and always out of tune as well, is not my way of winding down" Owen said with a sneer.

"How about we go dancing tonight, Ianto?" Jack purred into his lover's ear.

"Mmmm, Jack, I don't really dance, and I would hate for you to have your toes stepped on" Ianto whispered in Jack's ear.

"What someone who is as light on their feet as you, you don't dance" Jack said incredulously.

"Not my thing, Jack, but Gwen suggested karoke, what about that?" Ianto inquired hopefully.

"But then I don't get to press myself up close to you" Jack said softly so no one could hear.

Ianto turned to look at Jack directly, titled his head and raking his eyes along Jack's body, convening to Jack that their type of dancing will happen later, tonight.

"Oh come on, Ianto, dancing is fun and it's a great way to keep fit" Jack whined.

"Oh I get enough exercise cleaning up after everyone here" Ianto, shaking his head, thinking about the mess all the others left for him especially the mess that Jack makes, how can someone make himself a jam sandwich and leave the mess that he does, and the annoying thing is that he doesn't even see the mess that he leaves behind, "are you saying I'm fat?".

"Oh far from it Ianto, your body is delicious, just the way it is" Jack's voice oozed with lust.

"Right, time for coffees" Ianto said trying to change the subject before Jack dragged him down into his 'lair'.

Ianto made each ones' coffee, just how they like it. Tosh's caramel coffee with 1 sugar, and a lots of milk, Gwen's dark Jamaican coffee with a hint of hazelnut and skim milk and 1 sugar, Owen's strong percolated, not too fussy but 3 sugars and full fat milk and Jack's industrial strength, 1 sugar and a dash of milk. Ianto just loved his coffee to taste like coffee, rich flavour, no sugar and no milk.

Ianto handed out the coffees whilst asking each one in turn what they would like for lunch, Tosh, Jack and Owen went for fish and chips, Gwen choosing a salad sandwich.


Myfanwy, being the active pterodactyl that she was, flew round the Hub disturbing the team as they tried to work, diving low and dive-bombing Ianto seeking some attention. Ianto looked over Tosh's shoulder at the program that she was running, Gwen and Owen are throwing chocolates at each other, well it started as throwing chocolate up at Myfanwy but one chocolate hit Gwen on the head so a chocolate-throwing war ensued.

On Tosh's computer the Rift alert froze the program that Ianto and Tosh were looking at to show them the coordinates of the rift activity. Tosh got up to call out "rift alert' when a stray chocolate sailed her way to hit her white blouse, leaving a smear of chocolately goodness traveling down her blouse as Owen had been holding it in his hand for so long it had started to melt so when it hit Tosh's white blouse it wasn't a block of solid chocolate but a soft chocolate staining confectionary. "Oh no!" Tosh exclaimed, staring in disbelief at the stain on her pristine blouse.

"It's fine Tosh, it's not that bad" Owen said to Tosh, trying to reassure her as she seemed very upset about her blouse getting dirty.

"No, it's not fine, Owen, some of us like to stay clean thorough-out the day" Tosh said angrily, her eyes straying to Owen dirty shirt, if it wasn't for his white doctors jacket he wore over his clothes Owen would be a contaminant to the hapless victims that he cut up and luckily most of his patients were dead so they were safe.

"Alright kids, no fighting, Owen, Gwen and Tosh off you go and play" Jack said with a twinkle in his eye, "retrieve, contain and bring back whatever has fallen thru the rift, Ianto you will monitor from here"


"Can you lift your half Owen, I know you have little girly arms but we all have to pull our weight" Gwen whined and she and Tosh struggled to get the large solid rectangular block with the unfamiliar markings into the Hub. Jack and Ianto were sitting on the lounge enjoying another cup of coffee, Ianto's shirt a little more ruffled than it was this morning and Jack right leg was caressing Ianto's left shin.

"I'll go help them" Ianto said whilst attempting to get up, but Jack held him in place.

"They will be fine" Jack said "Besides I thought you said you needed to get your breath back, are you good to go again"

Ianto looked at Jack in disbelief, the man was insatiable, "Jack as much as I enjoy our time together, is it ever enough for you"

"Only with you, is it never enough" Jack said huskily.

Ianto turned to him and smiled and closed his eyes, breathing in the scent that was Jack.

"Owen it's slipping!"


"Oh bugger!"

"Owen, that's your fault"

The rectangular block fell and rolled into the pool of water splashing murky water onto Tosh.

"Oh no, it's just not my day today" Tosh whined looking at the mess on another clean blouse.

Out of the corner of his eyes Jack sees the object that the team brought in as it rolled into the pool of shallow water at the base of the invisible lift. "Stop! Get the forcefield container NOW! It needs to be contained before it releases the ga….." as Jack utters these words a gas sprays out of vents that were unseen a moment ago, "Oh…mmm... it's too late now"

"What! Too late?" Gwen said in a high pitched voice, unbelievingly that Jack so casually states that it's too late, too late for what ….our deaths, our bodies to turn inside out, our limbs to fall off…..what?

"Jack, what is this thing?" Tosh asks calmly, hiding the fear inside her.

Jack looked hesitative, biting his lower lip.

"Okay Jack, spill, what's the deal with this thing?" Owen asked matter of fact -erly, "Are we going to die a horrible death"

"Oh probably, but not during the next 24 hours, oh no, the next 24 hours are going to be…. interesting" Jack said "very interesting indeed"

Author's note: there are parts of the team members' personality that you would need to remember from this chapter that will become evident in last chapter, just to add to the silliness. There's 5 chapters, meant to be only 1 or 2 but it got away from me, and I was having fun with it.