Author's Note: I know I haven't actually finished the last chapter of A Brief History of Scorpius Malfoy yet, but I just really needed to write this down. But that's definitely going to be done soon.

Day One

11.23 am

"This is all your fault, you know."

Scorpius grinds his teeth together and continues to stare at the ceiling with a dogged persistence, though it's proving harder and harder to achieve this with every word that comes out of that wretched Weasley girl's mouth. Of all people that he could've been paired up with for Potions during this disastrous lesson, it just had to be her.

"If you hadn't added in the Erumpment Horn after those three clockwise stirs, we wouldn't be in the Hospital Wing right now."

Scorpius ensures that his face remains as a calm, cool mask of indifference. If he shows any response at all, it'll only serve to aggravate her more. And right now, the last thing that Scorpius Malfoy needs is an aggravated Rose Weasley.

"I told you not to put that in, but did you listen? Fuck no. You chose to go ahead with it anyway, and now the both of us are stuck here for the next ten days. Ten bloody days."

His head snaps to the left. "Please just shut your gob, or I swear to Merlin I will Avada Kedavra you right now."

(He's not even joking.)

Rose's face literally lights up the instant Scorpius responds. "With what?" her head bobs towards the table opposite of which both their wands are laying on. "Neither of us have wands. And it's not like you can get up anyway, your potion made sure of that when it de-boned us from the waist down."

"It. Was. Not. My. Fault." Scorpius spits. "The Erumpment Horn wasn't the problem, it was the bezoar. Who the fuck slices a bezoar lengthwise? If you'd bothered to read the textbook carefully you'd have sliced it diagonally."

Rose snorts. "Like that would've made a difference."

"If you'd done as I'd said I wouldn't be confined to a hospital bed right now."

"No, if you—"

"Why are we even discussing this?" Scorpius cuts through. "Look, neither of us are happy in the situation we're in. So I propose that you shut the fuck up and just let me be."

"I refuse to." Rose says.

(Of course she does. What did Scorpius even expect? The day Rose Weasley shuts up when she's told to is the day Voldemort rises from the dead.)

"I have Head Girl duties to attend to. Not to mention homework and classes. And NEWTs are coming up in a month! How am I supposed to do any of that when I can't even move my sodding legs?" she moans and gives her pillow a few frustrated punches.

"What about me? I've got Quidditch practice. Fat lot of use I am to the team when I can't even get on my broom. Oh fuck—" Scorpius stops midsentence and cups his head in his hands. "Our match is next week. I'm never going to heal in time. Fantastic. Not to mention the fact that I'm stuck in the Hospital Wing for the next ten days with you."

"You think this is fun for me? It's the last place in the world I want to be."

"At least we can agree on that." Scorpius mumbles into his pillow.

2.16 pm

"Rise and shine!" someone practically screams in his left ear.

Scorpius is abruptly woken up from his brief nap when his bed starts jerking up and down like it's some jinxed broomstick. He opens his eyes only to be greeted by the sight of Albus Potter jumping with surprising vigour on his hospital bed.

"Sod off," he mumbles and turns over. He tries to fall back asleep again but a jolting mattress is not the most comfortable of surfaces to lie down on.

Madame Pomfrey pops her head around the corner and lets out a scandalized screech. "Albus Severus Potter! Absolutely no jumping on beds!"

Albus quickly hops off. "Sorry, ma'am," he apologizes meekly. Madame Pomfrey shoots them all disapproving looks and disappears again.

"Thought I'd pop in here and visit you two. Heard about what happened. Felix Felicis potion gone wrong?"

"Not my fault," Scorpius and Rose say simultaneously.

Scorpius pulls himself upright and glares at Rose. Rose returns the glare with equal vehemence.

Albus lets out a brief bark of laughter. "Well, it's not every day that my favourite cousin and my best friend get lumped in the Hospital Wing together. This should be fun to watch."

(Yeah. Fun.)

8.31 pm

Barely ten hours have passed since he was admitted to the Hospital Wing but Scorpius is already sick to death of this place.

First of all, Rose Weasley talks. A lot. Scorpius doesn't even think it's something she does consciously, words just seem to overflow from her mouth, and she literally talks about everything. Because of this, Scorpius now knows more about Rose than he'll ever need to. He knows she's a Virgo. He knows she's allergic to aubergines. Fuck, he even knows the ninth of March is her brother Hugo's birthday. Nothing seems to dissuade her. Scorpius has tried laying there in total silence in the attempt to put her off, but Rose just continues to blabber on with no end in sight.

Second of all, at the moment there's no one else in the Hospital Wing but the two of them, so pretty much the only person that Rose can talk to is (unfortunately) Scorpius himself.

(He must've been Voldemort in his past life to have deserved this.)

The only time she actually shuts up is when she's reading or writing. At the moment Rose has got about three different books propped up around her bed and she's scribbling furiously into a piece of parchment. Seriously, she's the fastest writer Scorpius has ever seen. Ever. The tip of her quill is almost a blur. He's watching her in growing incredulity when—

"Stop staring."

"I wasn't staring," Scorpius replies automatically. "Why're you doing homework? Our professors have already told us that we're excused from homework until we get out of this shithole."

"Well, it's not like my hands are boneless too," Rose says in her best you're-an-idiot voice.

A tiny (or maybe not-so-tiny) ball of irritation starts to grow in his chest but Scorpius decides that turning on his side and pretending to go to sleep is the smartest option.

(She's fucking crazy, she is.)

1.49 am



"Put the candle out."

"Five minutes."

1.59 am



"It's been more than five minutes."


"Put the candle out."

"Five more minutes, my essay's almost done."

2.09 am


"Shh. I'm writing my essay."

"Fuck! Put the fucking candle out! I'm trying to sleep and it's practically blinding me."

"Don't be so dramatic, it's just a candle."

"I need to get some bloody sleep!"

"Look, I've got about a foot left, just give me some time, I want to hand this in tomorrow—did you just put out my candlelight?"

Day Two

7.32 am

"I've got breakfast!"

Hearing the word "breakfast" instantly jolts him wide awake. He opens his eyes and sees Violet Parkinson standing in front of him with a gigantic grin on her face. He internally groans—Violet Parkinson is just about the most annoying girl ever (though Rose Weasley definitely comes in a close, close second) but no matter what Scorpius does to fend off her cloying compliments and not-so-subtle touching, she still refuses to leave him alone.

"Scorpy!" she coos. Violet quickly sets the silver tray she's holding down and practically trips over herself to sit down on his bed beside him. She places her hand on his upper thigh.

(He is not okay with this.)

"Er—morning," Scorpius says, trying not to cringe when her hand starts to caress him. He can't exactly move his boneless legs away, so his own hand reaches out to kind of, sort of shove it away as far as possible. Violet doesn't seem in the least bit discouraged.

"Poor you!" Violet pouts and gives her long dark hair a toss. "Stuck in bed! Such a pity. I've missed you in our classes."

"Mmm hmm."

"And you look so haggard!" she pushes a stray lock of his platinum blond hair back. Scorpius shrinks back a little. "Which is why I brought this to fill you up!"

She carefully lays a tray laden with deliciousness across Scorpius' lap. There's rashers of greasy bacon, glistening fried eggs and a gigantic stack of golden brown pancakes.

(Hogwarts has the best breakfast ever.)

"Excellent! Thanks a lot, Violet," he says happily, momentarily forgetting that he's stuck for the next nine days in what may be the ninth circle of hell.

"Anytime," Violet bats her eyelashes. "Well, I'm off to class. Don't miss me too much!" she gives a high, shrill giggle and finally leaves.

The moment the door behind her closes, Rose lets out a gagging noise.

(Scorpius almost laughs. Almost.)

"That was… an interesting display of public affection."

"Never really liked her," Scorpius supplies, eagerly slicing up his pancakes and attempting to stuff as much of it into his mouth as possible. He looks over to her bed. Rose's head immediately snaps to stare at the ceiling, but not before he manages to catch the longing look on her face.

"Here, have some," he says through a mouthful of half-chewed pancake. He picks up a few pieces of toast and tosses them over.

"Really?!" Rose says, like she can scarcely believe it. "Er—thanks."

"Don't mention it."

(What? He's a nice bloke, alright?)


Madame Pomfrey suddenly bustles in with a strangely shaped bottle in hand. "Some bottles of Skele-Gro have finally come in!" she carefully pours the yellowish liquid into two separate glasses. "Here, you'll have to drink this daily for your bones to re-grow. Nasty business, bone re-growing."

"I hear it tastes quite bad," Rose puts her toast down and gingerly takes the glass from Madame Pomfrey. She takes a tentative sniff and quickly recoils. Scorpius accepts his own glass and raises it to take a giant gulp. Anything to get him out of this bed as quickly as possible.

"Well, people do say that it's mildly unpleasant—"

The moment the rancid liquid touches his tongue, he immediately sprays it all over his bed (and he may have gotten some on Madame Pomfrey as well). It's pretty much the most revolting thing he's ever tasted in his entire life.

Madame Pomfrey lets out a scream and Rose starts to laugh hysterically.

"Well, really!" Madame Pomfrey huffs. "No need to be dramatic, it's just Skele-Gro!" then proceeds to get a cloth to wipe his mess up.

Rose is still laughing when Scorpius tries to use his fingers to scrape the remnants of the aftertaste off his tongue.

"Laugh all you want, but don't forget that you have to drink it too," Scorpius points out.

Her laughter instantly ceases.

12.08 pm

Here's a comprehensive list of things you can do when you're boneless from the waist down and trapped in a hospital bed: nothing.

Scorpius thinks this might be what going stir-crazy feels like. He's been lying here doing fuck all for the past four hours or so. He's even started to notice and pick out various patterns in the stone ceiling, for Merlin's sake. In fact—even though Scorpius is loath to admit this to himself—he wouldn't actually mind having a chat with Rose Weasley at this point.

(Look. Desperate times call for desperate measures, yeah?)

The thing is, Rose is currently in what Scorpius likes to call the Study Bubble. According to her, NEWTs are in exactly twenty-eight days so Rose can't waste another minute. So, the only noise she's making right now is the occasional page flip.

Scorpius silently contemplates his dilemma for a few more minutes.

Right. Fuck it. He can't take another moment more of silence. Otherwise, he might actually go stark mad and raving.


She continues to read.


"What?" her brown eyes finally flit over.

"I'm bored."


"I mean… I'm really bored."

"Good for you."

"Put the book down for just a second."

Rose gives a slight frown. "What d'you want?"

"I have a business proposition for you."

She raises an eyebrow. "Oh? And what exactly is this business proposition?"

Scorpius props himself up on his elbow. "Stop studying for a bit and talk to me. Please."

(Yeah, that was just the sound of his dignity going down the pan.)

Rose snorts. "I already told you—if you're bored you should study. And it's not a business proposition if I don't get something out of it."

"You get stimulating conversation in return."

"I doubt you're that interesting of a person."

"Try me."

Rose sighs. "Only if you promise not to tell me to shut the fuck up again."


4.31 pm


Four hours of conversation later, Scorpius has come to a rather interesting revelation: Rose Weasley is actually not that annoying. Once he managed to get past the whole you're-a-Weasley-I'm-a-Malfoy thing… it was actually sort of nice to talk to her.

(Scorpius can scarcely believe it either.)


Scorpius can't sleep.

He's tossing and turning in his bed but somehow he can't manage to find a comfortable position. It's near maddening. Especially since there's nothing else he can actually do except sleep. Rose is already fast asleep. The only part of her that's visible is her face and her cloud of red hair, the rest of her is cocooned tightly in her bed sheets.

There's just about enough moonlight pouring through the windows for visibility, so Scorpius starts unconsciously observing her. And then, three words involuntarily flit through his brain: she's quite cute.

The moment the thought crosses his mind, he's overcome by a powerful urge to rip his own head off and feed it to the Giant Squid. Rose Weasley? Cute?

He needs to get out of this Hospital Wing.