Right, I started this about 15 minutes ago, and it's a bit short and I'm not entirely sure it makes any sense 'cause I'm still feeling the effects of the concussion I had on Friday. It was mostly written by Siri, so please excuse any mistakes or if anything doesn't make sense! It's totally anti-dialogue, because I'm rubbish at dialogue, but I hope you enjoy it all the same! I don't own 'the Newsroom', but I miss it terribly.
The next time he sees her it's 2011 and she looks exactly the same as the first and last time he saw her. Admittedly she looked older and a little more tired, the war zones, the deaths she witnessed and the funeral she attended had evidently taken their toll her.
His heart aches just looking at her, every feeling he'd suppressed for three years resurfacing, and he really doesn't want to be in her presence when he allowed himself to realise the effects of how working in quite such close proximity to him again would do to him.
He's trying desperately to hate her, in fact, that's been his continuous aim for the past three years, and it's doing him almost as much harm as the heart break to try and force himself upon that emotion.
He rejects every email from her, every email about her, He's received in the past three years, and he finds himself trying desperately to hate her for the emotion she invokes in him, the feeling of adoration that she alone is the sole recipient of, that he's never really got over the hurt she was responsible for, the feeling that apart from the occasional fling, dating is futile and not entirely worth it, because is anyone who ever felt what he feels inside, though he highly doubts any other person's pain could measure up to his own, 'getting over' the 'one' is a ridiculous task and will never happen, because she is the one, he tries desperately to hate this fact more than any other, despite what anyone else says.
When she says his name the anger rises inside him, and he's almost glad for it, until he realises the feeling is only the appalled feeling insight him is the feeling of betrayal that Charlie went behind his back, and it's back to MacKenzie all over again..
Everything ends up with MacKenzie.
Fuck it all.
Is almost almost excited to see her again, and, as much as he hates to admit, he's missed her, and he's not quite sure he can deal with that, because really, when you loved, no, love someone quite so much you can't help but miss them, and you can't help but not hate them no matter what they did to hurt you.
He almost hates the look in her eye as she sees him the first time in a long time, and after he parting on such bad terms. Fucking hope and love and hope of love and misery and guilt and quixotism and everything that can only be described as MacKenzie McHale, because he's never met by someone quite like her, and if he did, he's not quite sure he'd want them quite as much as her he wants her. He supposes it's probably something unique to her, and he fucking hate it. Or at least he tries to hate it, because it's attached to her.
He wonders if she thought about the life they could have had as much as he has, married with a kid or three, playing happy family with lazy Sundays and a dog.
He knows she has, and the one thing he does hate is the fact that they might never have that.
Reviews would appreciated a huge amount, even if it's a single word. This'll probably end up revised at some point, but I'm happy for now, except with the end :)