Cercopithecus Mitis - 50 Sentences on the crack pairing that is Drakken/Monkey Fist.
Warnings: A couple of references to sex, but nothing explicit.
AN: Cercopithecus mitis is the Latin name for the blue monkey. Whoa, some of these got quite long and I think this is the point where I start wondering what the hell goes on in my head for me to come up with this. Still, enjoy.
Thanks to Kiwi Lord for Beta-ing this for me.
01 - Comfort
There was nothing quite like a warm cup of tea on a rainy day; Monkey Fist might've been a genetically enhanced freak, but he had been raised a proper English gentleman and sometimes it shone through; Drakken had a much more childish American way of comforting himself through sweet things, though they eventually met halfway with tea and cake.
02 - Kiss
Monkey Fist found that the best way to shut Drakken up during one of his rants was to kiss him; the hard part was catching him amongst all the hand-waving and pacing.
03 - Soft
Okay, so maybe he's been spending most of his time helping Monkey Fist find his latest mystical monkey dooda, and maybe he's not taking part in the 'get Kim Possible back in the game' challenge the other villains have been (she's on her honeymoon with the buffoon for two weeks and there's a bundle of cash and gadgets for the villain that can cause enough havoc to draw her out of it), but that's no need to accuse him of going soft – Shego's parting words of "as a marshmallow" are what make Drakken reach for pencil and paper to start up a design for a new doomsday device.
04 - Pain
"Well you said you wanted to learn," Monkey Fist sighed as Drakken curled up on the dojo floor, whimpering, "If you can't handle a little pain how will you be able to fight your enemies?"
05 - Potatoes
Drakken gave the food in front of him a wary poke with his fork, across the table Monkey Fist was digging in to... to... Drakken pulled a face, currently living in Britain or not, he'd never get used to bangers and mash.
06 - Rain
Drakken couldn't understand how Monkey Fist could love it in his castle-manor-house-thing (he still wasn't sure what to call it) when it rained every two days out of three; it took him some time to realise how varied the downpour could be – heavy enough to hurt, light enough that you didn't realise it was raining until you were soaked through, gentle and warm, the list went on – though his favourite was when it got cold and icy and Monkey Fist would agree to a roaring fire while they worked.
07 - Chocolate
Monkey Fist couldn't hold back his laughter the first time Drakken slipped up and called his mug of hot chocolate 'cocoa moo'; sometimes it really was surprising how far he'd come as a villain with things like that holding him back.
08 - Happiness
"...so you know what you're in for if you hurt him, since, for whatever weird reason, Dr D actually likes you," Shego finished her threat and stalked off, leaving Monkey Fist unconcerned about the promise of a beating – because, really, he could take the woman if she ever dared to try – and slowly feeling... pleased no, happy that Drakken liked him enough to get Shego worried.
09 - Telephone
"How did you get this number... yes, Dra- that is to say, Drew is currently here, but how... Mrs Lipsky, please, could you just... I... I'm not sure what you want me to say, madam..." Monkey Fist signalled frantically at one of his monkey ninjas as he spoke over the phone, "Please, if you could just let me speak... no, just Monty is fine, thank you... I... oh... finally," Monkey Fist breathed a sigh of relief as the ninja unplugged the telephone from the wall and cut off the excruciating conversation.
10 - Ears
Shego clamped the pillow down over her ears as hard as she could, to no success, she was never sleeping in the hotel room next to the love birds again; at least in Monkey Fist's castle, weird echoes or not, she could always put several feet of thick stone between her and any late night noises.
11 - Name
Most of the time it was Dr Drakken and Monkey Fist, those were the names they had chosen for themselves and wanted to be known as, but if Mrs Lipsky was around it quickly turned back into Drew and Monty.
12 - Sensual
Monkey Fist never told Drakken that, while the lack of sense petrification had forced upon him was horrendous, there was another reason he'd vowed to not go after mystical power without fully understanding it – there was, after all, a great deal of difference between not being able to touch or hear at all and not being able to touch or hear Drakken because he'd threatened to leave Monkey Fist if he hadn't done the research properly.
13 - Death
When one of the monkey ninjas died, (thankfully through old age, so revenge wasn't the dish of the day) Drakken wasn't quite sure what to make of Monkey Fist continuing to still be all stiff-upper-lip and British throughout the funeral they held; it was only later, once it was dark and the lights were all out, that Monkey Fist clung tightly, his body shaking with unshed tears and silent sobs.
14 - Sex
It's awkward at first, neither of them really appreciated that they'd at least try to share a bed for something other than sleeping when they started all this, but things start to slide into place; they're nothing if not fast learners, plus, when it all comes down to it, it's fun and that makes the learning all the faster.
15 - Touch
Neither of them were all that tactile, Drakken avoided physical contact with other people because of what his mother had put him through and Monkey Fist was just plain reserved; still, all the time they spent in each other's company gave them the opportunity to just be a little... closer.
16 - Weakness
Monkey Fist didn't quite know what to say when Ron Stoppable and Kim Possible burst through the roof and Drakken's inability to remember Stoppable's name caused the boy more anger than anything Monkey Fist had ever said or done.
17 - Tears
When Drakken finally gave his mother the reason why he was hanging around Monkey Fist's castle most of the time, he was unprepared for her to start crying with joy about how he'd "finally found someone!" and be laden down with half a dozen brochures on adoption and surrogacy because she "can't wait forever for grandchildren you know!"
18 - Speed
It still amazed Drakken how fast Monkey Fist could move, his fights with the sidekick who kept losing his pants were practically a blur to the untrained eye and Drakken's eyes were very untrained when it came to martial arts.
19 - Wind
Monkey Fist was almost embarrassed by the way his monkey ninjas were so pleased with the wind rushing past the open top of the hover-car, then he realised that Drakken was finding it amusing without being smug about it – something that was quite rare – so Monkey Fist let his ninjas have another five minutes or so of fun before snapping at them to sit down and behave.
20 - Freedom
It was nice to have someone who was prepared to break Drakken out of prison after his most recent failed doomsday plot; he just wished the monkey ninjas would stop trying to groom his ponytail on the way out.
21 - Life
The first breath after petrification was the sweetest Monkey Fist had ever taken, never mind that the air was cold and wet, it was still wonderful to feel his lungs working again; whatever residual stiffness that was weighing his limbs down was quickly dispelled in fighting off the robot Drakken had built to take the Mark of the Yono from Monkey Fist – which was more self-aware than Monkey Fist felt any robot had the right to be, but then Drakken did have his specialities.
22 - Jealousy
Drakken felt a stab of something white-hot that wasn't just anger when DNAmy grabbed Monkey Fist's arm in the middle of the villain convention they were at and started babbling away; he was tempted, just for a moment, to leave Monkey Fist, but that would've been giving DNAmy the complete wrong idea (and it had absolutely nothing – nothing – to do with the uncomfortable feeling lodged in his gut).
23 - Hands
Not many people would've been happy with the genetic manipulation Monkey Fist had gone through to change his hands and feet, most people would've found that too weird to even consider a relationship with the man; however, Drakken mused, it wasn't like he could complain, most people weren't blue either.
24 - Taste
Damn, for an evil blue megalomaniac, the man could bake, Monkey Fist thought as he reached for another biscuit.
25 - Devotion
Monkey Fist was surprised to find Drakken not only tolerating, but actively being nice to his monkey ninjas – after the initial meeting anyway – then again, given that Monkey Fist had been somehow coerced into a henchmen's annual picnic just last weekend, maybe it wasn't so surprising after all.
26 - Forever
It was one perfectly ordinary evening that Monkey Fist realised with a jolt that he could do this forever; he sat on one end of a sofa, reading an ancient text out loud to his ninjas, while Drakken sat at the other end, scribbling down some blueprints or plans or something – yet for all his concentration on the paper, Drakken was listening to Monkey Fist as much as the monkey ninjas that were perched on various pieces of furniture.
27 - Blood
For some reason, Monkey Fist had expected Drakken's blood to be a strange colour (blue, purple, green even); yet when he sliced his finger open with a jagged piece of broken doomsday device, Drakken's blood was as red as the next supervillain's.
28 - Sickness
It was completely unfair, Drakken decided, that when Monkey Fist got ill he could still be upright and evil-looking – albeit with a reddened nose – whereas Drakken in the meantime was laid out for at least a week and hardly looked intimidating.
29 - Melody
Monkey Fist couldn't fathom how he'd been coerced into this, yet here he was, sitting at a table with Shego – who looked like she couldn't decide to laugh at Monkey Fist's discomfort or bury her head in her hands at her employer's ridiculous habits – and watching Drakken sing; and for some reason, Monkey Fist found himself at the same karaoke bar next week (and being applauded for his own performance only a week after that).
30 - Star
When Monkey Fist discovered a series of star charts leading to a piece of mystical monkey power, he was surprised that Drakken could not only name the constellations, but also the individual stars and give a rough estimate of how far away from Earth they were; Drakken had shrugged when questioned and given "I used to be friends with a couple of astronomers and I am a genius you know!" as an explanation.
31 - Home
It seemed strange to Drakken that Monkey Fist would insist he kept all his take-over-the-world schemes out of the house – really, the manor was perfect for it, being all creepy and everything – but after the third failed attempt in a row that caused Drakken's lair to explode, he began to appreciate having a constant place to come back to and call home.
32 - Confusion
"So you and... really, Dr D?" Drakken had never heard Shego more incredulous than when he finally plucked up his courage and told her about Monkey Fist, "Not that I'm all that surprised by you coming out of the closet, but him?"
33 - Fear (relates to 22 - Jealousy)
Nothing inspired the cold feeling of dread down Monkey Fist's spine quite like DNAmy's voice; however, this time her nonsensical blathering was quickly cut off by Drakken none too subtly forcing DNAmy to release her grip on Monkey Fist's arm; Monkey Fist felt no shame hiding behind Drakken while he told DNAmy, in no uncertain terms, that she should stay away.
34 - Lightning/Thunder
Drakken once remarked on how castles always attracted lightning like no other lair; Monkey Fist made the mistake of giving a half-thought through comment about atmosphere or geography or something – he finally tracked down Drakken (who had a tape measure, a waterproof calculator, and mud up to his waist) three days later, outside, in a thunderstorm – Monkey Fist hadn't expected Drakken to try and work out the reason for all the lightning, but then, he mused as they both traipsed mud through the hallways, he really should have known better by now.
35 - Bonds
There were never any vows or official documentation or ceremony of any kind – much to Drakken's mother's displeasure – however, both Drakken and Monkey Fist knew who they belonged to.
36 - Market (relates to 22 - Jealousy and 33 - Fear)
"Listen, you crazy bat of a woman, I'll say it slowly so you can understand: he's not interested; not in you or any of your ridiculous schemes and definitely not in cuddle-buddies," Drakken realised his voice had gotten quite loud by the end of it and the three of them have drawn quite a bit of attention from other nearby villains; to hell with subtlety, "Monkey Fist is off the market, got that?" and he might as well go all the way and finish that with a kiss.
37 - Technology
Drakken loved technology, doomsday devices were just top of the list, he always felt it was such a shame that Monkey Fist never quite understood and busied himself with ancient relics and magic; just as Monkey Fist couldn't see how Drakken could so happily rely on machines over his own body.
38 - Gift
It was amusing for Monkey Fist to watch Drakken panic when suddenly faced with the knowledge that it was Monkey Fist's birthday; after fumbling about for a while, Drakken finally blurted out "when I take over the world, you can have South America!" Monkey Fist had frowned and asked about Asia, to which Drakken had looked at him like he was the stupid one and quite clearly stated, "Well, I thought it was obvious; I was going to give you that anyway, South America was just a bonus."
39 - Smile
Nothing had ever made Drakken grin so much than when Kim Possible found out about his relationship with Monkey Fist; her stunned, slack-jawed self was so surprised she barely managed to stop his doomsday device that time.
40 - Innocence
Ron Stoppable fell out of the chimney one morning (why the chimney, Monkey Fist had no idea) while Monkey Fist was eating breakfast and only wearing a dressing gown; Monkey Fist hadn't been sure he was going to get the chance to get properly dressed before the buffoon attacked, when Drakken stumbled in, half asleep, and gave Monkey Fist a quick kiss without even noticing the enemy before continuing on his sleepy way to the kitchen; Monkey Fist self-consciously cleared his throat and turned back to Stoppable, only to find the boy on the floor in a dead faint (Ron later woke up strapped to a doomsday device and tried to tell himself it was a nightmare, even though he'd definitely gone to stop Monkey Fist and was now in Drakken's lair, which was just all kinds of sick and wrong and wrongsick).
41 - Completion
"And this... Monty, he makes you happy, doesn't he, Drewbie?" Mrs Lipsky asked, out of the blue one day, Drakken failed to find the words to explain exactly how Monkey Fist made him feel complete.
42 - Clouds
Noxious green smoke poured through the crack at the bottom of the lab door, Monkey Fist only managed to stay away for twenty minutes before giving in, yanking the door open, and braving the billowing clouds of... whatever it was to make sure Drakken was alright in there.
43 - Sky
As Drakken's latest lair exploded in fiery debris across the clear, blue sky on the local news, Monkey Fist could only sigh and wait for his home to be invaded or word that his partner was in prison again.
44 - Heaven
It wasn't that neither of them disbelieved in the notion of an afterlife, but Drakken was a scientist first and foremost, and Monkey Fist was hardly about to put stock in a single resting place for his soul after studying so many different religions during his time as an archaeologist.
45 - Hell
Nothing could compare to what Drakken felt when he saw his mother on the doorstep; even Monkey Fist's normally unruffled mind-set took a weathering from the several hours of the hell that was Mrs Lipsky when she thought Drakken had been ignoring her.
46 - Sun
Monkey Fist sits with Shego while Drakken paces, raving about his new plan, Monkey Fist leans over and asks, "This is, what, the fifth time he's gone for something weather related?" Shego just shrugs, not looking up from where she's filing her nails, "More than that, he's got this thing against the sun; one too many burns or something."
47 - Moon
Drakken had – quite reasonably in his mind – blamed Monkey Fist for the disappearance of the moon, to which Monkey Fist had yelled back, "monkeys, I work with monkeys, not the wolf Fenrir!" then the pair set about finding the Norse-themed villain responsible and made him pay for making them argue.
48 - Waves
"Look, I go there and I'm green, so don't give me anything about hairy hands or blue skin," Shego said as she pushed two tickets into Monkey Fist's aforementioned hairy hands, "Just go enjoy the sun, catch a few waves, have fun, and don't worry about the costs; it's my anniversary treat for you two, since you did me the favour of stopping Dr D from interrupting my beauty sleep because of nightmares."
49 - Hair
It wasn't as weird to touch the hair on the backs of Monkey Fist's hands and feet as Drakken initially expected; but then, after working as a mad scientist for well over a decade, Drakken had seen – and created – far stranger things.
50 - Supernova
Drakken was practically bouncing when he forced Monkey Fist to look the telescope screen during their break-in of the Corralitos Observatory, where a splay of light and colour was forming something that looked somewhat like a coral reef: a supernova; Monkey Fist had to admit that sometimes – sometimes – science could be just a beautiful as magic.