DISCLAIMER: I do not own
A/N: Because who else would be there to comfort The Doctor after the departure of the Ponds?
The mad old raggedy man held the piece of paper to his chest. He ran his fingers along the crinkled edge for what felt like the thousandth time.
Sat hunched on the bottom step of the TARDIS he glanced up at his wife to try and read the emotions she was feeling by the expression on her face. She had just lost her parents. She should be upset and grieving. Instead her face was neutral. She showed no signs of even being a little bit saddened by the loss of her parents.
He himself was feeling numb. Impossibly numb, and alone. Amelia and Rory Pond. Gone forever. They had been a huge part of his life. They had been the first faces stamped into his hearts. They would forever lay there. And probably the worst thing of all they had been his family. It was like the raw pain of losing his people had been ripped open. His old war wounds were now pumping with vile black hatred for himself.
This was his fault. River should hate him. She should not only hate him for letting her parents meet the fate that they did, but for forcing her to break her own wrist. He had purposely made her do that. Perhaps because he had been far too cowardly to break her wrist himself. Perhaps she was right. He was God, and being God meant that he thought he could do anything he wanted. He manipulated people. He was a monster. No wonder River didn't want to stick around. No wonder he was cursed to live a life of solitude.
Amy was wrong! He was better on his own. On his own people didn't get hurt. They were out of his reach. They were safe. Out of the reaches of the great and almighty Doctor.
A shudder. A splash. A scream. A thud.
The Doctor was on his knees, floods of tears washing down his cheeks, staining his jacket, and pooling out on the floor below him. He hit the glass floor with his wrists repeatedly. Smashing. Smacking. A crack. Pain seared through him but the physical pain was nothing compared to his emotional turmoil.
You bumbling idiot look what you've done now! You could have left Amy and Rory whilst you had the chance. You could have turned your back and walked away!
"Sweetie, sweetie please. " The voice washed over him like an ocean, drowning him. Hands clutched at him. He felt himself getting dragged toward a welcoming warmth. He knew of course that it was River, but he didn't dare look at her eyes, " Doctor look at me." She said firmly.
He shook his head, and let out a loud sob.
He couldn't look at her. When he looked at her he saw them. Amelia's feisty fire, and Rory's gentle kindness. She was yet another reminder of his failure.
" Doctor please just look up at me." A hand cupped underneath his chin, forcing his head up. He closed his eyes in refusal to look at her, " I can't." He whispered, "I just can't"
" Please, my love, for me." She pleaded.
He opened his eyes, and found himself immediately looking into his wife's, " River .." He cried, " I am so sorry. I couldn't … I tried …I." He leant his head on her shoulder in defeat.
River smiled weakly at him, and took hold of his bloodied fists, "You have nothing to apologise for. They didn't die my love. They lived. They had each other, and I can assure you that they were very happy. "
" But you'll never see them again. Your own parents River!" He cried.
She placed a butterfly kiss upon each of his fists, " Sometimes it's best to let go of the ones you love Doctor." She told him softly.
The Doctor's already battered hearts took yet another beating. River's words hit home. She had been pardoned from prison, she was a professor. How long until she ended up in the library. How long until he had to say goodbye. Swallowing he looked at her long and hard, "What if I'm not ready to let go." His voice broke, and wavered in the air with a tangible note hanging by a thread.
" You're not talking about my parents are you." She stated.
" River. I don't want you to go. I don't want to become the man I was before you entered my life. I …" He was cut off by River's soft lips crashing against his.
His hearts pounded erratically against each other, and he kissed her just as hard back. They were lost to their desperation. Desperation to know that the other was still there by their side. Desperation to fight off the grief that both of them were feeling.
Pulling back for a moment to take a breath and reflect River spoke, "I'm not going anywhere." She assured him.
The Doctor hates endings, but his and River's story is still being written.
" Let's make each letter in this chapter count, hey?" He ran a hand through her thick golden curls.
She nodded, " Lets."
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