A/N: This is a little One-Shot I wrote for the lovely Laura, also known as LJ1983 for her birthday. It is a bit of silliness but there you go. I apologize for any writing errors, but besides that I hope the read is enjoyable enough.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellraiser. Copyright belongs to Clive Barker and Dimension Films.
The Party Crashers.
Kirsty struggled through the door with three large grocery bags of party nibbles and colourful birthday paraphernalia. She dropped two of the bags on the table and swore loudly as the third crashed down on the kitchen floor, spilling out some cone party hats that looked as though they had been vomited on in Technicolor. All this mess was to be organized tonight for her friend who had been invited round to Kirsty's apartment for birthday celebrations. Kirsty smiled to herself. Friend...the first one she had made in years and she was making damned sure she would keep her. Any other company she tried to keep soon scuttled away or else stopped returning her calls whenever she happened to mention anything about her experiences of Frank, Julia and the Cenobites.
'Cenobites?' They would ask.
'Demons (or Angels to some)' she would say.
'Pardon me?' They would reply.
After some near-hysterical descriptions of the mutated and pierced humanoid Hell Dwellers dressed in Leather, Kirsty would see that all too familiar look of worry in the listeners expression. Some might nod politely whilst backing away slowly. Others took the direct approach 'Are you fucking kidding me? Are you mental or something?' and would turn on their heels -their trolleys rattling in front of them- from the fruit and veg aisle leaving a flustered Kirsty clutching onto a melon (handy to use for imaginary pin-pushing as part of her favourite Cenobite's description). That would be the last time she had attempted to make friends at the mall.
Her new friend was different. She had met her online in a forum for Victims of Supernatural Abuse and had struck up a conversation, which admittedly wasn't hard as it was her friend's site and Kirsty had been the only one who had bothered to register. Kirsty had felt a connection to her and although she felt that her new friend's troubled past was just too ludicrous to believe (a disfigured man killing teenagers in their dreams-Come on now!) She felt at ease discussing things which at another time or another listener would have seen her on the one-way express train to the Happy Farm. Life, for the first time in a long time, was looking good. She had the kind of company that didn't want to rip the flesh off her bones and that was good company indeed!
When she had gathered up the party poppers and the last of the runaway cupcakes from underneath the table, she set off into the front room to tackle the decorations.
The decorating had gone well, apart from an interruption by a man delivering a parcel. A bit odd for the time of day but then she had ordered a gift online and in comparison to the surreal way in which her life had turned out, this was nothing to fret over. Kirsty gave herself a mental pat on the back for a job well done and distractedly opened the small parcel. When she felt the familiar sharp corners on her fingers, she dropped the cube.
'Oh shit! Not again' she wailed.
For some time after her last encounter with him, she had tried to get rid of the Lament Configuration puzzle box, only to find that it was recovered and sent back to her. She had thrown it in lakes, fires and into Acid baths. She had buried it and sown the ground with salt. She had even sold it on eBay but the blasted thing had some kind of homing device which found its way back to Kirsty. Of course, once she had touched the box, it would open of its own accord. It wasn't even trying anymore. It was less of a puzzle box and more of a whorish Rubik's cube nowadays. As the box variously lifted its intricately patterned parts and clicked its dance of Hades, Kirsty began to panic. She had ran out of things to bargain with and she was fairly certain that Pinhead had become a little obsessed with claiming her for…well she didn't know what for, but she was certain it wouldn't be pretty.
Even now the walls of her small front room were being torn aside. The dull orange light of her bulb had flickered briefly and petered out, leaving the room to be enveloped in a cold blue hue which preceeded…
The Cenobite known to her as Pinhead walked into the room, followed by three of his party. He languorously manoeuvred his way around the sad little sofa she kept and ignored the cat which was stretching on his back trying to occupy the entire length. The cat briefly looked at the figure approaching his food-bearer and realizing that he had no tuna to offer, yawned and fell back into feline unconsciousness. Pinhead stopped ahead of Kirsty and gave her a menacing smile, at least Kirsty thought it might have been menacing. It was hard to tell.
'We meet yet again. I am beginning to think that you enjoy our little encounters, Kirsty.'
'I…er.' There was nothing Kirsty could think to say. Nothing new she could tell him. She could feel the panic rising within her. Her new BFF would be here soon and it wouldn't be much of a Birthday present for her to see what was left of Kirsty's remains covering the flock wallpaper in her apartment. What was she going to do?
At this point she noticed that the other Cenobites were looking about the room with what seemed like perplexed and maybe even horrified expressions, at least as horrified as the horrifying could look. The female cenobite was staring at Kirsty's attempt at a glitter ball, hanging in all its tin-foiled glory next to the ceiling light. Kirsty felt a rather perverse sense of pride at the creation and it looked especially pretty when it bounced off the blue supernatural glow. The female cenobite seemed hypnotised by the crafted mass of tin and would remain so. The fat one was looking at the mini pretzels and overly crusty sausage rolls placed in circles on the pastel paper plates. He was currently shifting away from them, shaking his bulky head in disdain. The Cenobite with the scary chatter bite had taken an interest in Kirsty's cat that was in turn, taking absolutely no interest in him.
She jumped a little when Pinhead turned his head to the left and then to the right of him, looking upwards toward the explosion of death-by-pastel. His features ranged from the disgusted to the concerned as his eyes followed the hanging decorations from each corner of the room. Kirsty wondered if it had been a mistake to put up pink paper chains.
It took a good long few minutes before the lead Cenobite finally brought his gaze back to Kirsty. She still couldn't think of anything to say and it seemed for the moment, neither could he.
'The box', she finally gasped 'It was sent to me…'
'You opened it. We…' Pinhead watched with disgust as one of the paper chains came loose and floated sadly to the carpet '…came?'
'No more deals Kirsty. There have been many and I have afforded you each opportunity to prove your mettle which you have done admirably. Now it is time.'
'No! No deals I promise. It's just…It's just…' Kirsty scanned the room, desperately trying to think of a way out of this. Her eyes finally fell on the paper hats on the side table.
She snapped her head around to the Cenobite. 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' She said in a high pitched and wobbly voice.
Pinhead's gaze darkened and he studied the figure in front of him, waving her hands outstretched in some kind of mocking celebration of crucifixion.
'What is this game?' he growled.
'No game. Remember when I told you that you were once human, you were Elliot Spencer?'
'That was an age ago girl and there is little that remains of him.'
'Well', said Kirsty sidestepping toward the paper hats 'the bit that remains has a birthday.' She grabbed the hat and a paper party kazoo for good measure and approached Pinhead slowly. 'Sooo, happy birthday' she said again with a big grin that she hoped gave the impression of sincerity. The Cenobite watched in growing confusion as Kirsty carefully placed the cone hat on top of his pins and weaved the elastic strap between the rest of his piercings. She blew once on the kazoo nervously and then quickly loosened the paper tongue off the Cenobite's chin pins. 'Sorry about that,' she muttered. Before he had the chance to say anything, she leaned forward and cocked her head this way and that, trying to position her nose so it wouldn't encounter the metal protuberances as she moved in to kiss him. It was meant to be a quick birthday peck on the lips and then retreat so she was more than a little surprised when his hand pushed into the small of her back to keep her in place. As they kissed –his tongue was pleasantly cool and he wasn't too probing- she noticed that the female cenobite was still mesmerized by the wafting globe of silver, the chubby-bite was now bravely prodding his finger into the guacamole dip and the Chatter-bite was gently tugging on the cat's tail. He hadn't noticed that the feline had opened one lazy eye and did not look pleased. Relieved that they weren't being watched, Kirsty settled back into the embrace and was quite enjoying it before the doorbell rang. Pinhead pulled back quickly, scratching Kirty's cheek in the process.
The rest of the Hell's Angels-to-some broke free of their distractions, except for the Chattering Cenobite who was struggling to tear Kirsty's cat off his face.
Kirsty looked at Pinhead who stared back at her perplexed. He looked thoroughly confused about what had just happened and when he looked to his fellow comrades, his confusion only deepened, especially upon seeing Chatterer with new bloody welts on his face. He frowned and slowly picked the cone hat off his pins. He handed the offending item back to Kirsty.
'I guess the party's over' she said, exceptionally pleased that she had finally gotten a chance to say that.
'Mmm' replied Pinhead. He looked lost in thought.
Kirsty stood motionless, watching as each of the Cenobites turned with a swish of their leather skirts and returned from whence they came. The female and the fat cenobite walked away shaking their heads, Chatterer followed behind, sheepishly picking at his wounds. Pinhead left with some regret that he never had the chance to bellow some magnificent one-liners. He kept touching his lips and glanced briefly over at Kirsty, then at the paper chains. His shoulders dropped slightly as he shuffled forward into Eternity with nothing to show for his troubles except for a very surreal memory.
As the walls of her apartment stitched back together, Kirsty clamped her jaw shut and headed toward the door, toward the sound of the ringing bell.
'Hi Laura,' she whispered to her guest.
'Hi Kirsty. Sorry I'm late, I was doing some writing and I must have lost track of time. 'Are you alright? You look a little peaky.'
'Oh no, I'm fine. I'm just…Would you like a drink?'
'Coffee! Please. I'm trying to avoid sleep. What happened to your face' asked Laura, peering at the scratch on Kirsty's cheek.
'Oh, that was...my cat, Elliot. He's in a bit of a mood.'
As Kirsty and Laura settled down to celebrate, Kirsty pondered over the series of events featuring the strange man she had thought of variously as demon and angel (and now lover, whispered a mischievous voice in her head). There was a connection there but she had never anticipated anything more than a grudging respect between them and now that seemed to be just a step on a further plane to understanding and exploration. She was sure that he did have sights to show her, but she had shown him some too and that was all it took to survive in her strange little world. Maybe it was erroneous to make a deal with the devil when all it takes it to thoroughly confuse the shit out of him with paper chains and a kiss.
Kirsty smiled and turned to her friend. 'By the way, in case I forget to tell you later. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Here, have a hat.'