I squeezed my eyes tight, pulling my knees up to my chest. This was the only time I could cry, at home, in my room, alone. The lights were out; the only source of light was coming from my TV which I had muted. The only sound that could be heard was the sniffles from my crying. All I could think about was her. I should be thinking about my parents, what they were going to say to me. But no, I was thinking about her face, how it felt when her lips touched mine. I tried to imagine what she would say when she found out, but it just made me more upset.
The sound of my laptop beeping broke my thoughts away. It was a message. From Rachel. She wanted to know why I hadn't met up with her tonight. Why I was ignoring her messages. Just as I was about to reply, there was another beep. This one was from him.
I slammed my laptop shut; I couldn't talk to either of them, no not until I decided what to do. I would go to school tomorrow like everything was normal. I would tell her that I was grounded, and my laptop and my phone has been taken from me. Yes that's what I would do. That could buy me a little time to think things through. But then, there was still school, still those awful quiet moments in class when she flirted with me. Maybe I should tell her the truth; she knows I'm dating Noah anyway. Would she find it so repulsing that I'd slept with him, that's what couples do after all.
What am I even saying! She knows I don't like Puck like that! She'll probably think I'm a tramp from sleeping with him. No. Not a tramp. She loves me too much to call me that. Or does she? Will she be so disappointed in me that she could say that to me?
Eurghh I'll sort this out tomorrow.
And with that, I switched of the TV, and climbed in under my quilt. Tomorrow was going to be an eventful day.
I woke up early as I do every morning. I had to make sure I look just as I do every other morning. I have to act like nothing has changed since yesterday. I have to look perfect.
I grab my cheerleading uniform out of my wardrobe and slip it over my skinny body. It won't stay skinny for long, I thought. Next it was makeup. I slapped on my foundation and made sure it was blended perfectly. I put my favourite Mac eye shadow on my eyelids, and lined them with liquid liner. I applied false eyelashes and couple of coats of mascara. There perfect. Now for my hair. I tied it up in its usually high pony and then straightened my fringe.
I looked at myself in the mirror when I was done. I thought I looked different, but of course, I look exactly the same. Nothing on the outside has changed, but yet I feel like a completely different person. Sighing, I grabbed my bag, and headed downstairs.
"Morning Mom" I yelled as I was walking down the stairs.
"Here take a granola bar before you leave." My mom said before I could walk out the door.
"Thank you" I muttered, shoving it into my bag. "I'll see you later" I called as I walked away.
It's not far from my house to school, and Rachel usually gives me a lift. I don't know if she will today though, after I abandon her last night. I suppose I should text her. When I grab my phone out of my bag, I have 5 unread messages. I open the latest one that reads:
'Don't know what I did wrong?! I'll wait for you at Lima Bean until 9:30, and then I'm leaving'
I looked at the time on my phone. 9:15. Shit, I only had 15 minutes to get there. It was about a 5 minute drive from her but my car had no gas, I'd have to walk. I shoved my phone in my bag and sprinted down the street, only stopping occasionally to catch my breath.
When I got there it was 9:35. I hoped she hadn't gone. No I could see her car. I opened the door and scanned around for her. There she was, in our usual seat. Tucked away in the corner, so we could talk without being overheard.
"Hi…" I said awkwardly. She looked up from the newspaper she was reading. Looking shocked.
"I didn't think you were going to turn up, you didn't last night" She said accusingly.
"I know, I'm sorry about that" I took my seat opposite her "I had a lot on my plate last night"
I knew her well enough that she wasn't going to stop there. "So what was the matter was it so important that you couldn't text, or call, or anything! I sent you load of messages! I was worried that something had happened to you!"
"I'm sorry Rach, I really am" a tear slid down my face, but I quickly wiped it away. I hoped she hadn't seen it, but of course she had, she notices everything.
"Hey... what's the matter" I never cry, not in front of anyone anyway. Rachel knew that which was probably the reason for the sudden mood change. "Don't cry, please, I'm not mad at you, look it's fine, we'll sort it, whatever it is I'm sure-"
I cut her off "That's the thing, we can't sort it and you should be mad at me" I grabbed my bag from of the floor stood up "Look, I can't do this right now, okay." She looked puzzled "I'm sorry…" I said as I was leaving.
I ran out before she could say anything else.