Welcome back guys. I was overwhelmed with the requests for Perryshmirtz. I even got about three for Candace/Phineas, which is a couple I never even considered, but hey, I will do them all.

Just a quick note, I'm not all that comfortable with bestiality (although I do enjoy a well written Brian/Stewie once in a while), so its going to be human!Perry. Sorry if that's not what you wanted, guys.

I have, however, agreed to write another Perryshmirtz (where Perry is still a platypus) later on, due to many people whining that they don't want Perry as a human. It'll probably take a while, though. I still have a boatload of other couples to get through.

How the various characters act around each other after doing the deed.

Will do all couples suggested; yuri, het or slash.

This time: Perry/Heinz

Disclaimer: don't own.


Heinz wasn't all that surprised when he woke up alone.

He was lying in his bed naked, covered in just a thin sheet. His blankets were on the floor, thrown there after they'd gotten entangled and the bed's two inhabitants had grown impatient with them. Both his window and bedroom door were open, and he already had goose bumps on his skin from the searing cold breeze wafting in.

It was typical, of course, that Perry would be gone after having gotten what he wanted. That was always the way with him, even when he was still a platypus. He would always smash his way into Heinz's apartment, take what he wanted, and leave without so much as a how do you do. Granted, back then what he wanted was Heinz's defeat, but it was pretty much the same thing. Almost.

Still, it kind of hurt. In the brief second it had taken for the mad scientist to realize Perry was making the moves on him, his genius mind, if a bit idiotic, had gone over the implications, at lightning speed, of what it would mean to take that much of a step. For Heinz, it hadn't been a mad rush of desire that could be explained away as spur of the moment afterwards. He'd taken a few minutes to really think it over before responding to his nemesis' advances. He had knowingly put himself and their tentative frenemy relationship at risk of utter ruin, and Perry didn't even stick around to chat.

He was still getting over the fact that the agent could talk. Each time he'd heard him speak, he'd been surprised. Just before the actual sex part, Heinz had hesitated, wary of hurting the other, and the former semi-aquatic mammal had snarled, "do it!"

He'd been so shocked he'd done just as he'd been told.

And now... nothing. The newly human Perry had showed up in the late evening with no explanation for his transformation, completely and utterly used his nemesis for sex, and then left.

And Heinz was supposed to be the evil one.

With a groan, he stumbled out of bed, deciding it didn't matter at the moment. Right now what mattered was getting some goddamn coffee into him. He pulled on a pair of boxers and some slacks over them, but didn't bother with a shirt. He was too tired for that. He could almost smell the coffee already.

Actually... he could smell coffee.

Confused, he made his way into the kitchen and his heart leapt into his throat when he saw the slender form of a young man fooling around with his coffee maker. His breathing stopped. This couldn't be right. This was wrong. This was...

"Put that down! You'll break it!"

If that damn platypus broke his beloved coffee machine, there would be bloody hell to pay. Perry jumped at his voice, but put down the machine obligingly and Heinz felt himself calm down. It was okay. His beloved was safe.

Once his heart rate had returned to normal, he walked up beside the man and checked over his machine. He was surprised the agent had figured out how to use it, because it was in pristine health and contained some seriously delicious smelling coffee. He poured two cups, handed one to Perry, and sat down at the table with his own, taking a deep gulp and letting it warm his insides and wake him up.

Perry leaned against the counter, nursing his own cup. Heinz watched him over the rim of his mug, and finally decided to break the silence. "I'll bet that's your first coffee, now that you're human and all."

Perry nodded once, taking another sip. There was an awkward moment where neither of them knew what to say. Sighing, Heinz tried again. "I thought you'd left when I, you know... woke up alone."

"You were crushing me," the agent replied with a casual shrug. "I don't know how you humans manage to sleep in the same bed as your lovers, but its suffocating."

"Surely you've slept in the same bed as one of your owners when you were a platypus," Heinz asked with a raised brow.

"My owners don't try to drape themselves over me," Perry was obviously trying to sound snotty about it, but a tiny smirk appeared before he hid it behind his mug.

"Point taken," Heinz stared into his mug for a while. "Alright, I'm just going to come right out and ask the obvious, but how the hell are you human?"

"I'll answer that as best as I can, as long as you tell me something first," Perry propositioned. Heinz nodded, so he continued. "As soon as you saw me, you recognized me straight away. Even when I was a platypus, you didn't recognize me unless I was wearing my hat. How'd you know it was me?"

"Erm," Heinz coughed into his hand. "Well, to be honest, I saw the hat and instantly thought..."

"Great," Perry said sarcastically. "So my only recognizable feature is a bloody hat."

"That's not all!" Heinz put down the coffee and held up his hands in a defensive manner. "I had my suspicions, but I only knew for sure it was you when I saw your eyes."

"Oh," Perry once again hid behind his mug, although this time it was a pleased grin rather than a smirk, and his cheeks reddened somewhat. "Alright then."

Heinz took the pause in conversation as an opportunity to give the former animal a good once over. His new form looked to be in its early to mid twenties, with messy teal hair that was almost long enough to cover intense brown eyes. It was those eyes that Heinz had recognized- they were exactly the same as before. Along with that, Perry was quite short, coming up to the scientist's chin. Granted, Heinz only slouched for dramatic effect during his little shows when he was trying to take over the Tri-State-Area, so he was actually pretty tall when he was just standing normally. Perry's body was slim and lithe, almost girlish in a way. But the older man knew from recent experience that there were parts of that body that were very, very masculine. He was wearing what he had been wearing last night- blue jeans, a plain black t-shirt and a black jacket.

Heinz's gaze travelled back up to Perry's face and flushed when he realized he'd been caught staring. Perry's eyebrows were raised, and there was a rather awkward moment. Heinz covered it up by asking, "where's your hat?"

"I have no idea actually," the shorter man shrugged. "I haven't had a chance to look for it. I assume you knocked it off at some point last night."

This mention of their recent actions had the evil scientist's cheeks glowing, but Perry didn't seem to be embarrassed about it. Maybe because he used to be an animal, he didn't view what had happened the same way a human would. Looking away, the older man cleared his throat. "You were going to explain your transformation...?"

"Oh, right," Perry scratched his chin and seemed to collect his thoughts. "Well, I can't tell you much, but a few of my owners are into inventing stuff like you are, and they managed to create a machine to turn me human. They were pretty excited about it, and were pretty crushed when I asked to be changed back after we'd talked, but turns out the effects are irreversible."

Perry rolled his eyes and stared at the wall behind Heinz. "Just my luck, right? Anyway, I figured they'd get into trouble if their mother found out about me, so I left. I didn't know where else to go so I came here."

"What about OWCA?" Heinz asked.

"Would have been fired on the spot," Perry grumbled. "Monogram doesn't like human agents."

"Fair enough," the taller man paused, and then his eyes narrowed. "Wait a minute... If you came here under peaceful terms, why the hell did you blast a hole in my roof? You do realize it costs to have that repaired?"

Perry shrugged sheepishly. "Force of habit. Sorry."

"Sure you are..." Heinz grumbled under his breath. He was still buzzing with questions, and he selected the biggest one, psyching himself up to get the courage to ask it. "Perry, why did you come onto me last night?"

Perry tilted his head, looking confused. "Well, I couldn't very well come in you, now could I? I was the one receiving."

Heinz took a moment to understand what the man was saying, before snickering loudly. "Not what I meant, Perry."

"What did you mean, then?" the teal-haired main sighed. "I've learnt as much as I can about human ways from my host family from my days as a platypus, but my knowledge is still pretty limited. I'm guessing you meant 'come onto' in a sexual way, and my knowledge of that is purely from overhearing disturbingly detailed and disgusting phone calls from a teenage girl to her boyfriend."

Heinz could relate to that. The amount of times he'd overheard Vanessa having phone sex with her boyfriend... Even the memory of it made him shudder inside. But back to the question.

"What I meant was..." how could he phrase it without it sounding utterly crude? Oh, screw it. Crude was better than nothing. "Why did you have sex with me?"

At that moment, Heinz saw the first glimpse of embarrassment from his nemesis, and the agent indeed looked quite awkward. He coughed and scratched his neck before speaking. "Well... It's hard to explain. I certainly didn't come here with the intention of having sex. But when I saw you... well, when my body saw you, it just... reacted."

"What do you mean?" Heinz coaxed.

"Strange..." Perry seemed a bit zoned out, before he shook his head and snapped out of it. "I have no qualms talking about us, but my new human emotions are telling me to be embarrassed about it."

"Ignore them for now," the scientist waved a hand impatiently. "Just explain."

"Alright. When I was still a platypus, there was always something... more between us. More than strictly necessary for enemies, or even friends," here the man made a face and pinched the back of his hand. "Why the hell am I getting embarrassed talking about this? It never even worried me before. Anyway, it never mattered because we were two different species and my body wasn't attracted to you. But now that we're the same..."

He trailed off and shrugged. "The rest is fairly self-explanatory."

"And that's why you jumped me?" Heinz raised an eyebrow. "Nice pick up lines, by the way. I'm guessing you learned them off that teenage girl you mentioned before."

Perry winced at that. "Okay, so I had no idea what I was doing," he crossed his arms. "Give me a break, I've barely been a human for a day, and I wasn't expecting the rush of... what's the word?"

"Hormones, probably."

"Right," the man nodded. "I wasn't prepared for the hormones, and I just kind of lost it. But as far as I can tell, you didn't try to stop me."

Here he looked at Heinz intently, as if he'd asked a question. Had he asked a question? Shit, was he supposed to reply to that?

"Erm," he scratched the back of his neck. "Well, no, I didn't."

The conversation lapsed again, and Perry drained the rest of his coffee, placed the mug on the bench, and then walked over to where Heinz was sitting. Without any sort of warning, he leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to the other's mouth, and the scientist could taste the coffee on the man's lips. When they pulled away, he stuttered, "w-what was that for?"

"Is that not customary?" Perry shrugged. "Whenever my adult owners woke up in the morning after having sex, they'd have some coffee and conversation, and then they'd kiss. I figured it was just a thing everyone does."

"Its different for each couple," Heinz explained. "You didn't really have to do that."

"Interesting," Perry nodded once. "Given the situation, is it normal that I wanted to do it, even though I didn't have to?"

"Somewhat..." Heinz answered cautiously. "Obviously you're attracted to me, and me to you, after what we just did. But it could be categorized as a one night stand, and kissing the morning after is definitely weird in that situation."

"What's a one night stand?" Perry frowned.

"It's when two people have sex and then go back to their normal lives as if it never happened."

"I don't want that," Perry said firmly.

"Neither do I," said Heinz quietly, with a little smile.

"So what is this, then?" the former platypus asked curiously.

"I'm not sure," here the taller man tried to hide a grin. "But I think whatever this situation is, kissing is definitely okay."

"Well, that's settled then," Perry leaned down and kissed him again.

He still tasted of coffee.


Phew! That was a long one. A treat for all you Perry/Heinz shippers out there.

Hope you guys liked, this story will be under Phineas/Isabella but will feature many different couples. I'll probably do another Perry/Heinz if enough people request it.

Please review in any couples you'd like! Next time will be Candace/Phineas! (A wee note, if you don't like incest, just skip that chapter. The one after that will be Ferbella, so a relatively normal and safe pairing.)