Of video chats, and temptations

Wassup? Welcome to my first Artemis fowl fic. So as I was idly toying with a tablet, a thought struck me. The infamous Artemis fowl and captain Holly short video chatting for the first time. So I hope you enjoy it. And any Artemis fowl fans who read this, please don't kill me. This takes place after the lost colony. Aaannd action!

It had all started in Haven, Holly waking up to a nice, lazy morning. She stretched her self as tall a she could, stifling a yawn. She heard a knock on her door, she stumbled over and opened the door to find a package waiting for her. It was a plane package, neatly wrapped, her name clearly labeled on the box. she reached down and picked it up, stumbling back inside to actually start her morning.

"I wonder who sent it?" Holly said, setting the package down on the table behind her, setting about preparing her breakfast.

"You could just ask..." a voice she knew all too well called from behind her.

She practically jumped out of her skin, she quickly spun around, her eyes searching for the insidious mud boy. But there was no one there, just the package. That's when a thought that made her heart stop occurred to her, maybe the package is a bomb! She quickly ran over and pulled off the wrappings to see a large rectangle of black plastic. It was slightly heavier than it looked as she picked it up, on one side it had a smooth glass-like screen. Suddenly the screen sparked to life, the face of the afore mentioned mud boy now displayed on the screen.

"Hello Holly." the irish boy chuckled, ignoring Holly's now furious glare.

"What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?!" She growled, the boys smile only broadening.

"I highly doubt I could Give you a heart attack. Despite your being well beyond the age of even the oldest LIVING human on the planet, I'd say you are as healthy as an ox."

Okay first he'd just called her old, and compared her to a lumbering beast, not the smartest moment for the boy genius.

"And this is makes things better how...?" she growled under her breath, about ready to go up to the surface and punch the annoying mud boy in person.

"You're not even going to ask how I'm talking to you now? I thought you were more observant captain Short." he tutted, a smirk on his face.

At that she just sort of, stopped, going over what he just said in her mind.

"Okay fowl, I'll bite. How are we talking right now?" she asked, trying to contain her slight annoyance.

"What you have in your hands is what we mud men call an android tablet. Now normally this device wouldn't be able to get any signal in the lower elements. But I have made a few slight improvements to it, so now we can easily talk face to face."

"More like face to screen mud boy." she pointed out.

At that Artemis crossed his arms in front of his chest and pouted like a little kid.

"Okay that's pretty cool fowl! God I swear you act like a ten year old sometimes."

"Thank you holly, and might I remind you that I out smarted your people when I was only twelve? Just two years older than ten and I did what no other human has ever done. So think before you say who I act like."

"Oh will you shut up!?" she said, unconsciously activating the mesmer as she said it.

Instantly the young genius fell mute, try as he might he couldn't make a single sound. After a few minutes of his continuing to try and speak, much to Holly's amusement, he settled for silently glaring at her through the screen.

"You can talk now Artemis." she said, undoing her work with the mesmer.

"Well, I guess the visual connection is good enough for the mesmer, nice little fact to know. Captain Short what are you thinking over there?" Artemis asked, silently relieved that he was able to speak again, being mute would put a serious complication on so many of his schemes.

Meanwhile Holly was giving in to the stereotypical nature of elves and fairies, in other words mischievous.

"Cluck like a chicken..."

Thus Holly alone had the pleasure of seeing the most infamous mud boy alive clucking like a road island red.

"Talk backwards..."

"!tnatsni sith ti pots ylloH" Artemis growled at her, meanwhile the elf in question was rolling on the floor laughing.

After her giggle fit subsided Holly sat back up in front of the screen.

"Okay back to normal..." she said, still giggling slightly as she said it.

"Oh ha ha Holly, two can play at this game. Freeze!"

Instantly Holly's body went rigid as a dwarf hair. D'arvit! I forgot, the mud boy has magic now!

"Well, not so funny now is it captain Short? Now lets see, what to have you do...oh I know! Tell me an embarrassing moment from your early days in the LEP."

"I was on traffic duty, I'd slept in so I had to leave my apartment with out eating first. My shift was almost done, but I was so hungry, spuds spud emporium was only a few steps away! I thought no one would notice if I slipped away for a minute or two. So I went inside and as I was coming out with my food I was tackled by a bunch of swear toads. I smelled like grease and toads for weeks!" Holly said, glaring daggers at him every minute of it.

As she concluded her story the boy genius was futilely hiding a smirk of amusement.

"Oh drop dead fowl!"

"Hrk!" Artemis groaned as he fell out of sight of the camera with a loud thud.

But how? There's no way the mesmer could have...oh gods...

"Fowl? Artemis? Come on speak to me?!" Holly near screamed, panic obvious in her voice.

She was about to call for him again when she heard it, a light snickering in the background. Instantly her panic turned to pure homicidal rage as Artemis climbed back into view.

"D'arvit fowl! I thought I killed you!"

"Please Holly, the mesmer is nowhere near powerful enough to shut down someones vital functions. How ever if I said, beg like a dog, well then that's just fine."

He was having the time of his life, he rarely ever pulled a trick on Holly, and now to top it all of she was whimpering and begging like a dog! My god if he wasn't so busy messing with her, he might have noticed just how cute her puppy dog expression is.

"And back to normal."

Holly was seriously ready to actually suit up, get in the ricketiest pod available, and ride a magma flare, just so she could walk up and punch the boys lights out. Holly once again retaliated with her own mesmer mischief, soon both were caught up in embarrassing the other as much as possible. At the end Holly was stuck telling some rather inappropriate jokes in italian. Meanwhile Artemis, to his eternal shame, was stuck singing an irish drinking song about walruses. The two of them were about to escalate again when they heard someone else laughing at them. Both quickly stopped, instantly she recognized the almost whinnying laughter.


Instantly the paranoid centaur flashed onto the screen, his face clearly visible in a small window up in the right hand corner of the screen.

"Oh frond, please keep it up, we're all cracking up over here." Foaly said, he was crying he was laughing so much.

"Wait, we're?" artemis asked, a real sense of dread settling into his brain.

Foaly zoomed out the view of him to reveal the entire LEP squad watching behind him, Holly turned a shade of red that tomatos would be jealous of.

"But wait folks! There's more!" Foaly said as butler and juliet flashed onto to the screen as well.

Now it was artemis' turn to blush as juliet was rolling on the floor laughing. Even butler had a rather amused look on his face, even though he wasn't laughing. Both fairy and mud boy a like made a solemn pact never to mention this incident ever again as they switched off their tablets respectively. Though both above and below, neither would be living the events of that video chat session down for a while.

And that's a wrap. hope you all enjoyed my little piece of comedy, and please, do not tell either of them that i wrote about this incident. I prefer to be alive and breathing, rather than shot dead with a neutrino 3000 please. So read and review. Later!