*A Sound Mind Can be Poisoned by Just a Single, Simple Idea...*
I'm not exactly sure when life started to loose its meaning.
Did it occur suddenly? Or had it just built up over time until it reached this point? I wasn't sad or anything, it was just that with each passing day my life started to feel more and more like...a dream. When you went to sleep you could have the greatest dream in the world; the life you've always wanted, but if you forgot it upon waking it was like it never happened and you go about your day as usual, never knowing the piece of your heart that faded away.
I often wondered if death was like that; your life fading away like that same forgotten dream, and once you were gone from the world you wouldn't even remember you were ever a part of it to begin with. All your dreams, all your memories, all of your thoughts, ideals, the experiences and emotions and people you told yourself over and over you would never forget, everything gone as if your very existence never happened.
And that's when I started thinking what's even the point of it all? After your gone, the only ones who grieve are your friends and family, they pause their lives to cry and mourn while the rest of the world keeps going. Eventually they move on as well; your memory becoming another forgotten dream. Sometimes they'll remember this dream and relapse into tears. But once they accept that your truly gone they stop crying over the dream; they stop crying over you. And when they move on, that's the moment when your truly gone from this earth, and they always move on.
Thats when another thought crossed my head. A thought I wished so dearly hadn't:
If I kill myself, they'll move on.
I could finally stop being a burden to others; to Hikaru. He will move on just as if my memory was a forgotten dream. Sure he'll remember pieces of the dream and cry but not for long. He can finally have a life outside of our little two-person world. I know I'm only 15 but after I'm gone I won't even remember that. I wont remember never getting to finish high school, never getting to go to college, never finding a career, never settling down and starting a family; once I'm gone it will be like those ambition never even existed, because I will have never existed.
If I kill myself, the only burden left will be sadness, but they will move on and cast away that sorrow.
It will hurt me, but not for long.
It will hurt Hikaru, but not for long.
This is what's best for him.
And to me, it will be like it never happened.
Just like a forgotten dream...