(A/N) SleepyNinjaCats is back with chapter 10!
Ten chapters in, this deserves a celebration! :D *Happy Dance* Now that that random burst of stupidity is out of my system:
As White As Snow I'm so sorry I disapointed you! But Im glad i'm able to create and engaging story line :) Did you figure out what was wrong yet? Im dedicating a chapter to the first one who does!
Secluded Tune I was laughed while I was writing that part! XD
Adorable Reader I don't even know what they were wearing... (^_^") I'll just let your imagination decide (im such a lazy writer...) PS I think everyone should learn how to make a bowl of cereal^^
Nayomi-Kiiroibara You were sooo close...
bleachfangirl7 I was JUST about to upload this chapter when I recieved your Review. (I always do the review corner after I edit my story) You have GOT to tell me if your still on when you see the story update :D Thanks again for the compliments!
Now on with the story...
*Kaoru in Wonderland*
I was in terrible mood, simply because I had to walk past that fucking statue again to leave the club room. My hatred for the damned object had nearly doubled in the past 2 days since Tono first gave it to my brother and I.
I hated that statue. I loathed that statue. I despised that statue!
That statue took everything that was wrong with my existence and hurled it back in my face!
As I walked with Hunny-Senpai to his family's all-white Limo I silently swore to myself that I would take a sledgehammer to it, first chance I got...
When we pulled up to the front gates of the the Haninozuka Mansion, I barely noticed the driver rolling down the window and saying his name into some sort of intercom thing. There was an loud 'click' as the gates opened. When we finally drove through the gates, my feelings of self hatred melted into pure amazement. His family's home was bigger than ours!
I was wide-eyed "Your house is huge!"
"Hm? Not necessarily. It's actually not much bigger than yours, see that part," he pointed out of the window towards the right side of the house, "That entire section is my family's Dojo! Usa-chan and I are training some students there tomorrow but you'll be gone by then so it's not even worth mentioning."
I looked to the seat next to me, staring at the 18 year old who was still wearing his pink Lolita dress and wig, a stuffed pink bunny held tightly in his arms, trying to comprehend how this kid was Japan's greatest Martial Artist. I could feel a slight headache coming.
The Limo stopped and the driver let us out. I hiked the duffle bag of clothes I was carrying higher up my shoulder before following a practically bouncing Hunny up the stairs to the front door. Before we even reached the door, it opened revealing two of the family's maids, both were so 'happy-go-lucky' that I just HAD to wonder how much they were being paid...
"Hello Honey! Hi Usa-chan!" said one.
"Welcome home you two!" beamed the other.
The first pulled something from behind her back "We made Usa-chan a plate of cookies!"
"We also made sure all of your cake ingredients were already on the counter so that you and your..."friend" don't have to look for anything!"
I realize I haven't been in my right mind lately, but I could have SWORN she practically spat the word "friend". I'm also pretty sure the other one glared at me at one point...what was that about?
Hunny, completely oblivious to the situation that I'm not even sure happened, thanked them both and took the plate. As we walked towards the kitchen, which actually took a while considering the size of the house, I couldn't help wonder what I had done...and also why no one commented on his dress. It was scary to think that maybe they were use to this kind of behavior.
I was about to ask Hunny if he saw anything when he ran in front of me, curls flopping about, and held open the door for me.
I hadn't even reached the door yet before saying "Thanks, Senpai. So this is you kitchen?"
"Nope. This is my room! You can leave your pajamas and stuff here."
I felt like I was walking into a fairytale! His room was enormous and everything in it was a shade of either purple, pink, or white. The giant white Teddy Bears that lined the violet colored walls, the fuchsia colored gummy bear shaped lamp on his lavender colored desk, the white couch with the lapis colored throw pillows, the white veil that hung over his Hot Pink Queen sized bed, the Amethyst bookshelf next to the Cerise pink vanity, even the door had been pink now that I think about it!
Hunny walked up to the desk to set Usa-chan down and sat the plate of cookies down in front of him saying something like 'i hope you enjoy these' before walking back and sitting on the couch. He smiled at me and pulled off his bookbag as I carelessly tossed my duffle bag onto the plush white carpeting, wondering why the Hell I knew so many shades of pink and purple before inwardly face-palming when I remembered I come from a family of fashion designers.
I laughed "So this is where Hunnys come from." I mocked.
His smile widened as he mused "You like it? There use to be nothing but a bed in here, but that was before Tama-chan told me it was ok to like cute things. Sometimes I feel as though I owe all of my current happiness to him. Oh! And Takashi, too!"
At first I was a little skeptical about the dress but if it made him this happy than who was I to judge? And he was right about Tono. It was because of him that Hikaru and I were able to start trusting people more. We held so much respect for him. Maybe if Hikaru spent less time with me and more time with him he wouldn't be so pessimistic about the world.
At least I know Hikaru will be in better hands when I'm gone...
"Do I have to spend the night? Hikaru and I are going to the amusment park tomorrow."
He smiled "Really? Which one?"
Which one? I didn't even know. I know I read the name on the tickets, but I can't remember it...
"Y'know what I'm not even sure. Haruhi gave me the tickets, I guess I'll just look at the back of one when I get back home."
He pulled his bunny covered notebook back out of his bag and started scribbling again. At this point I didn't even care anymore.
I looked away from him and sat on the carpet waiting for him to finish, wishing I had remembered to bring my iPod with me. I wonder what kinds of music Hunny listens to?
He looked up "Yes?"
"What kinds of music do you listen to?"
He put the notebook back into his bag and started tapping his finger to his lips, apparently in deep thought before finally walking over to his bed and tossing me the tiny Hello Kitty MP3 player that was under his pillow.
I smiled at how adorable it was before flipping through the song list. When I found a song with an interesting title I put in the earbuds.
The innocent image I once held over Hunny for so long was shattered the moment I pressed play:
Here's your introduction to destruction
& the hate sustaining me
Are we safer or in danger?
Drowning in atrocities?
Riot gear, the slaves are here
Piling corpses high
Its the rich man's war
But its the poor that fight
More capitalist crimes,
More enemies than allies
No WMD's - who gives a fuck
If they die
Just kill em all - watch em fall
Skin the world with their lies
Its a rich man's war
But it the poor that fight!
I...was frozen in shock...all I knew was it was a woman singing. I stare at Hunny in shock "Senpai what is this?!"
"I can't hear anything, turn it up."
I snatch the buds from my ears and turned the volume on full blast.
My religion of resistance
Radicals & dissidents
We are the children
Of the siege you hide
In this rich man's war
Where the poor just die
To my absolute horror, he actually starts singing along!
More deception & greed
More wars & disease
More lies from the hive mind
That seek to deceive
A weak nation of need
Like silent thieves in the night
Its a rich man's war
But it's the poor that die!
I can't take this anymore!
He cocked his head "Hey why'd you press stop? I like that song."
In a dazed panic I look around the room, then at the dress he was wearing, then back to the MP3, the entire time my mind flashed with images of the time Hunny had incapacitated the entirety of Kyoya's ARMED 100 man police force and how he wasn't allowed to go all out in a public fight because he was able to cause so much destruction Japan would be labels as harboring a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
When I looked him in the eyes he cocked his head again and smiled like a little girl.
I had to ask "Hunny-senpai, whats your blood type?"
He just giggled at me "AB. Why?"
Type AB, split-personality.
Just like Kyoya!
I wasn't spending the night over a friends house.
I was spending the night with a psychopath!
-Later that night-
I was wide awake. I had woken up some time ago and just couldnt seem to get back to sleep. Actually it was more like I just didn't feel like sleeping anymore. I rolled my head on my pillow so I could look at the digital clock on Hunny's nightstand.
I stared at the dark ceiling thinking about the cake we made.
How did Kaoru's cake turn out, you ask? Let's just say he can never talk about Hikaru's cooking ever again.
I laughed when I realized I was talking to myself in the 3rd person. I looked back at the clock, still displaying the same time. I had to get up early tomorrow so I knew I should've been asleep by now. My sleeping patterns have been so messed up lately... Sometime I'll sleep for almost 10 or 12 hours, other times I would lie awake with insomnia.
Just like tonight.
I looked over at Hunny, who was now wearing purple pajamas. I made sure he was fast asleep before getting out of bed. I looked down at my own orange pajamas. Funny, I don't remember us changing clothes. Then again I don't remember going to sleep either...
I walked through the darkness towards my duffle bag, trying not to step on anything. I unzipped it and started feeling around for something. When I thought I found it I pulled it out and held it up to what little like was coming in through the window. It wasn't what I was looking for but I couldn't take my eyes off of the object in my hands.
It was my switchblade.
I started walking out of Hunny's room and into the hallway, knife in hand, thinking about the other day in the Limo with Hikaru:
If there was a button that could end all of existence, would you press it?
I kept absentmindedly switching the blade from one hand to the other, playing with it.
This was my version of that button. I knew I wanted to press it. I knew I had to press it...
But is know the right time?
It doesn't matter...Everything up until now will just be forgotten.
I looked up, realizing I had walked into the bathroom. I started to turn around and leave but I had the sudden overwelming urge to look in the mirror. I saw Hikaru in the mirror again. I watched as his eyes welled up with tears. He was crying. Crying because I was too selfish to give him his life; too selfish to let him become an individual instead of forever being trapped as part of a matching set. He looked at me with eyes that said "Don't you want me to be happy?"
I could feel tears running down my face as I looked down at the knife in my shaking left hand. I broke into a cold sweat when I realized there was a reason why I could never see myself in a mirror; why I only ever saw Hikaru.
I didn't exist. I never existed. Only Hikaru did. I'm not a person, I'm just a copy, a mistake, a parasite.
I moved the knife into my right hand and opened it.
If I was never real then it doesn't matter when I disappear.
I held the edge of the blade to my left wrist.
I don't exist. I never existed. My life has been nothing more than a curse on Hikaru's.
I looked back up at Hikaru and knew then and there that I had to give him back the other half of his life.
I backed away from the mirror and slid down the wall to the floor. I lifted the knife above my head and shook violently as I stabbed the blade into my wrist.
It hurt so much...but I didn't stop. I held back my screams of agony and torment and kept going until I had ripped the blade halfway to my elbow, my tears flowed freely as blood ran down my arm, pooling in my lap and on the floor.
It hurts so much...
But even so, even through all the pain, even through all the tears caused by what I was giving up, even through all the heartache of never seeing Hikaru again, in this very moment...deep down I was happy.
I dropped the blade. I was finally at peace.
My eyes blurred and my head spun, my world loosing brightness as I watched the illusion that was my life vanish before my very eyes.
I could just barely feel a faint smile tug at the corners of my mouth as I fell to the tiled floor of Hunny's bathroom, dying in a pool of my own blood.
Hikaru was finally free...
"KAO-CHAN! PLEASE, KAO-CHAN WAKE UP!"
I could hear someone screaming and sat up desperately looking around for the source of that horrifying noise. I was so scared-
"KAO-CHAN STOP SCREAMING!"
Oh...it was me. I stopped, gasping for air as I came back to my senses. I looked around the room. When I saw I wasn't in the bathroom anymore I quickly looked at my left wrist. My pale skin was covered in a thin sheen of sweat but other than that it was perfectly fine.
I reached for it with my other hand and held it tightly "It was all just a dream..." I looked at Hunny, the one who had woke me up. He was wearing the same pajamas from my dream only this time I actually remembered us changing clothes and going to bed.
He breathed in a sigh of relief and smiled weakly "I was so scared! You just started screaming out of no where! What were you dreaming about?"
I shook my head, still trying to calm my breathing "...I don't remember..." I lied.
I really wanted to tell him. I truly did, but how could I? These thoughts, these feelings, they were scaring me so badly. I knew I had to tell someone, I knew I had to get help...but how can you tell someone you want to kill yourself without even having a reason for doing so? The reasons my thoughts kept telling me didn't make any sense, but it was disturbing how much I was slowly starting to believe them.
The amount of anguish and torment I would be putting everyone through if I finally gave in to these thoughts terrified me. I couldn't even explain to myself what was happening, so how could I explain it to someone else?
But I knew if I didn't tell someone soon...
Hunny smiled at me rather excitedly "Well I'm glad your ok now!"
Why couldn't he see what was happening to me?
He glanced at the clock "It's 6:13 now so you should start getting dressed. You and Hikaru are going to the amusement park today, remember? Bring me back a funnel cake!"
(A/N) Sorry for the scare guys! Just keeping you on your toes, Halloween IS coming up y'know!
Also bonus points for anyone who can name the song (That I DONT own) on Hunny-senpai's player.
As always, Reviews help!
Bye guys :3