Athor's note : I hope you liked this chapter ! I know the chapter title didn't really fit but after reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" i had to be inspired a little bit so I tried to make it fit for the best ;) I will try to post the other chapter later today and maybe tomorrow it the worst case scenario. Sorry that this chapter was shorter I just wanted to keep the best material for the last one I guess. Don't forget to comment and let me know what you think xDD

Chapter 4 (Shades of Grey)

"J-A-N-E" Lisbon yelled

"Oh my god…please someone call a doctor" Lisbon said

"what happened ?" the doctor said

"I don't know" Lisbon said "I was gone and when I came back he was…like that"

"no one should have let him alone" the doctor accused "he's having an overdose"

"what…that's impossible" Lisbon said

"well looks like it's not" the doctor said looking at her

Lisbon had gone for a half and hour only to check out on a lead for Lorelai with agent Turcot. The look on the agent's face when it turned out to be a dead end, not to mention the wounded pride of CBI chief Bertram when they had found a blow-up doll stuffed with a brown wig in the middle of the desert instead of Red John's little minion.

But now was different. Lisbon couldn't believe her ears what she had just heard. How could Jane had possibly ingurgited a high dose of drug during her absence if he was in coma. A nerve breaker inside of her wanted to scream at him to know if he wasn't faking but she knew it woudn't resolve anything at this point.

There was only one explainable reason this could have happen : Red John was all behind of this. He probably asked one of his accomplice to induce the drugs to Jane while he lured them in Vegas sniffing their noses about their previsibility. The bastard she thought.


"agent Lisbon this is unacceptable" Bertram told her

"sir all I wanted to say is where's doing everything we can…" Lisbon said

"you don't seem to understand the gravity of the situation here miss Lisbon…I have already suspended you and your team before out of misguidence from Mr. Jane now I woudn't mind doing it again if you can't handle this case…please tell me I don't have to do that agent" Bertram said

Something in his tone betrayed his sarcasm and he crosses his arms on his desk in an authoritary and condescending way Lisbon didn't like.

"no sir…you don't have to do that you have my words we will find Lorelai and bring her back to prison and arrest whoever other accomplice she has" Lisbon said submissively

"there is not other accomplice agent Lisbon as far as I'm concerned miss Lorelai Martins injected the drugs to Mr. Jane herself" Bertram said firmly

"but sir we have evi-…"

"enough" Bertram said "you're lucky you still have a job at the CBI agent Lisbon…the FBI will gladly take over the Red John case…miss Lorelai doesn't concern you or your team anymore nor that little consultant of yours" Bertram said

Lisbon had noticed the hint of comptent at the mention of Jane but had discarded it since she didn't want to aggravate the situation. So she pounded her high heels and was ready to leave when Bertram called her.

"oh and don't forget to tell agent Cho he's been promoted" Betram told her with an abnormal and forced smile

"excuse me ?" Lisbon said

"from now on agent Kimball Cho will replace you as senior agent within the CBI and take the lead of this team…I'm afraid you are no longer qualified for this job" Bertram said

Lisbon knew that Bertram was mad at her about so many uncountable things involving her consultant. Not to mention the recent Lorelai accident which he wasn't ready to forgive but permenantly retrograding her was probably a little bit out of the line.

When she had announced it to Cho he had put on his "whatever" attitude but cleary was trying to hide his anger. As much as he liked beeing in charge from time to time, he wasn't eager of the longs hours of paperworks and the tidiness he had to pledge to a superior like Bertram. The other members we also shocked ; Grace protested and Rigsby huffed a nasty remark about CBI chief.


Even thought Cho was in charge, he had let her spend as many time as she wanted to check on Jane. From time to time, Grace had replace her making sure someone trustworthy was always in the room with Jane.

Tonight it was Lisbon's rain check and Grace had decided to stay the full night at the hospital. The fact that they couldn't work on the Red John case was a bummer for all of them. If Jane was there he would probably manipulate someone or threaten them into giving Lorelai back to the CBI.

Not to make it a little different, Lisbon couldn't sleep that night. All she could do was staring wickedly at her black screen television and ruminate the events of the day. Since when had she become such a Patrick Jane look-a-like ? They were times when she used to sleep like a baby at night despite of her job and now she was chasing the ghosts of a past that wasn't hers. A past that belonged to a very damaged men who over the years had tried in vain to have a normal life by catching a monster.

Lisbon always knew that someday, working with Patrick Jane would bring the end of her both mentally and physically. Honestly the only reason she had agreed to work with him was that her curiosity had been piqued but at a highly cost. After her long lived association with him she wondered, from time ot time, in her own little sadistic way, if she maybe liked the pain and the hurt that he caused her.

The first time she learned that he had kissed Erica Flynn under surveillance and let her get away with murder betrayal had stir through her chest like a blaze.

When she learned Jane slept with Lorelai she had felt it ; the pang in her heart. When he had kissed the women her lungs had sucked long from breath as if she was gulping air through a straw. It was even worse when she had heard Lorelai's twisted little supposition about Jane working at the CBI to be close to her then ear him say it was to "past time".

At this point, she had mentally been whiped away while wearing invisible chains.

Lisbon's body was sinking in her sofa and she closed her eyes in deed trying to fight the urge to drown her body into oblivion with alcohol. But from past experiances she knew it wasn't the best thing to do. She had been sober for her brothers and she would be for Jane as well, it was written.

Ready to fall asleep from exhaustion, Lisbon's fought it with full strenght but failed miserably like she had at the hospital. When in the arms of murphey, her usual peaceful dreams turned into nightmares tormenting her head with the unfaced issues in her life.


It had been such a long and excruciating day Patrick tought to himself. Catching serial killers was never easy but this very particular one had caused him a lot of trouble. He hadn't catched him yet but he would. Who did the men thought he was to insult "his" talent ? Sure he wasn't a psychic it wasn't a secret to his familly but it paid the bills so it seems they were okay with it.

Climbing up the stairs while draggings his feets he couldn't wait to see their faces : he already caressed the idea to hold both his girls in his arms and told them they meant the world to him.

The night-light of his daughter's bedroom dimmed through the door. He smiles to himself, Angela was stil probably singing his Charlotte a little lullaby or reading her to sleep while he would come home.

Each step he got closer to the door faded his homecoming smile. A type-writted note was taped to the bedroom dor. After he red it's content his first reaction was deny the truth to himself and pretend it was a hoax. But a small still powerfull part of him couldn't help but tell "what if" ?

With a heart beating like a drum and shaky hands he slowly turned the handle and pushed the door open. It's only when he saw the painted smiley face across the wall that he new what laid under his eyes.

As he reached for them Patrick Jane tried to scream on top of his lungs but no sound would come out. He immediately held his throat. When he saw his reflection in the mirror he wanted to yell ; he found out with horror that he didn't have a mouth anymore.

He almost fainted but someone kept him conscious.

"Patrick, Patrick" called a voice a feminine voice he recognized to be Charlotte's

When opening his eyes, the first thing he could ear was the sound of pourring rain echoing in his ears. It was the only actual sound floating in the silence of the church along with the occasionnal flapping of the wind against the stained-glass widows.

Around him were familiar faces, people wearing black suit with ties and dresses and they all had the same worned out expression on it. Jane knew only too well it was the look of mourning, he could almost taste death at the back of his throat.

Judging from the small amount of people present to the funeral, the deceased was probably some kind of friendless jerk. Actually it was probably what Red John's funeral reception would look like ; he savoured the sweet sensation in his mind with a develish smile.

"who's funeral is it?" Jane asked almost to himself glad that he could talk again

"why don't you take a look yourself" Charlotte suggested

Between quick passengers dropping flowers Jane made is way to the single casket. He was so self-absorded he didn't recognized the men he almost bumped his shoulder with. When he looked back his eyes grew wider with surprise.

"dad is that you" Jane said but the men didn't talk to him and rushed out of the church without a single word

"he can't hear you" Charlotte finally said

"what ?" Jane said

"no one knows you're here…at least not down there" Charlotte said as she pointed out a finger up in the air

Making his way through the death aisle, Jane could see the black velvet carpet shy away under his feat. Only inches away from the coffin, he slowly brought his face from the edge. What he saw survived beyond every possible and imaginable fear in the mind of Patrick Jane ; a gruesome portrait of himself was staring at him and mirroring his bulging eyes.

In a way it all made sense. It would at least explain why people kept ignoring him. He was only a roaming spirit looking for piece of mind hunded by the murder of his wife and daughter.

"so am I really dead ?" Jane asked

"yes" Charlotte lied

"I guess it's the price for chasing Red John" Jane said lucidly

"so you see…but look at the bright side dad you could finally get to be with mom and I like you always wanted all you have to do is let go and free yourself from this guilt you have inside of you…let me help you" Charlotte said softly

Jane looked at her with dazzling eyes. For the first in this living nightmare he felt a semblant of peace, some kind of hope something he didn't have for a long time.

"what about my promise ?" Jane asked

"that's not what mom wants that's not what I want neither" Charlotte admitted "we want you to come back home…with us and we could be a happy familly again don't you want that ?" Charlotte checked

"yes of course" Jane revealed

Long seconds went by and after a brief reflection Jane's finger twitched at his change of heart as if life had come again refilling him fully with positive energy, a pure yet complex fuel pushing him forward with will.

"take my hand dad it's time to go" Charlotte said

Jane stared at his daughter with an equivocal look. Thousands of scenarios were going through his head. He never had the time to picture what death would be like, but deep down he knew if it meant he could be reunited with his familly again the dilemma wasn't too difficult.

For some reason, Patrick Jane was always a black and white person. That is to say he was always on the threshold of something but ignored that love is a strange thing ; it is a complexity that compartmentalized different shades of grey which relies on it's own balance.

Not only did he love his familly but somehow he had discovered more overwhelming colors in his life that grounded him, colors that had not yet fade away with time. Yet now that his daughter was standing there in front of him, he didn't know if he enjoyed his colorblind philosophy or he was ready to move on.