The choices we make
Disclaimer: Never have and never will own the bill, if I did Smithy would have got a lot more screen time
Stevie Moss sat on the edge of her bed feeling like she had just had her heart ripped out. She had! He had ripped it out and stamped on it.
"I like you Stevie, but… I like you second best," His hurtful words still rung loudly in her ears. She chocked back a sob as the tears fell freely from her eyes. How could the only person she had ever loved make her feel like she less than something on the bottom of his shoe?
She replayed their conversation this morning back again and again trying to make sense of everything he said. "Stevie you're a great girl but it's not going to work. You'll find someone; maybe you should try the Internet. Online dating isn't as bad as you think. I met Jade on there and she's wonderful"
"I hope she turns out to be a nutter!" Stevie said aloud. "No I hope she turns out to be a bloody bunny boiler!" If only she had had the balls to say it to him this morning in response to his cruel knock back but alas he would never hear it. She was leaving Sunhill, she was handing in her request for a transfer tomorrow morning, taking her outstanding holiday and saying goodbye to Dale Smith and all the shit that came with loving him.
She had had very little sleep the night before and she knew that she looked awful. Her hair was unkempt, she had no make up on and she was wearing the biggest most unflattering hoodie she had hiding in the back of her wardrobe, but she didn't care. She wasn't staying at the station long, just enough time to speak to Neil or Jack and then it was back home to pack.
She made her way past the front office and up the stairs to CID, praying that she didn't run into Smithy. As she approached the doors she could see him making his way towards her. In a blind panic she dived into a side room and hid behind the door. She held her breath as she heard him pass and realised how ridiculous she looked to anyone who might have seen.
"Hey Smithy," she could hear Callum call him as he approached "How'd the date go last night?" She swallowed hard and closed her eyes, hearing about how wonderful this new girl was, was too much to bear.
"Yeah it was great," she could hear the smile on his face. He sounded so happy, while she was so sad.
"And how was after the date?" Callum probed.
"Now, now. A gentleman never tells," Smithy joked.
"Yeah but you ain't no gentleman," he retorted, "Besides you always tell me about your conquests. Luce, Jenny, DI Moss,"
Stevie's head shot up! "How could he?" she thought angry at his betrayal "Is that all I'm good for? A quick shag and a lot of office gossip,"
"Lets not talk about DI Moss," Smithy said quietly "I don't think she'd appreciate the whole station knowing about our night of passion,"
"Damn right!" She had to control her thoughts before she said something aloud. Being caught here listing by the so called best friend you've slept with and his dickhead of a mate wasn't on Stevie's top ten list of things to do today.
"Inspector Smith," Someone called ceasing the conversation taking place "Can I have a word?"
"Of course," she heard him say, "Shall we go to my office?"
Hearing them leave Stevie gave a sigh of relief. The conversation between Smithy and Stone had put any doubts she had about leaving at the back of her mind and she headed into CID in the search of Jack.
She found him sitting at his desk reading some papers. She gave the open door a tap "Can I come in?"
Jack looked up at her with a smile "Of course DS Moss. What can I do for you?"
She closed the door behind her and approached his desk "I want to transfer to another force sir,"
Jack gave her a questioning look "Any particular reason?"
"No Gov," she lied "Time for a change,"
"Stevie please sit down," he motioned to the chair in front of her. She sat down and looked at the floor. "Whatever the problem is Stevie we can sort it,"
The tears began to form in her eyes again and she wiped them roughly with her sleeve "I wish I could tell you my reasons but its too complicated. I just need to leave. I've been offered a job in Exeter. I was going to turn it down but now I want to accept it,"
"Well Stevie, I can't stop you but I am a little surprised. Policing down there will be very different from policing up here,"
"I'm aware of that Sir," She assured him "Maybe it's what I need, something completely different,"
"As you wish," he answered annoyed that he was losing one of his best officers. "When were you thinking of going?"
"Today," she answered fully aware that he wouldn't be impressed.
"Are you kidding me?"
"No sir," she shook her head " I have a lot of holiday owing and I think there's enough there to cover my notice,"
"It's a big ask Stevie," he insisted. She could tell that he was concerned for her and she understood why.
"I know Gov and I wouldn't normally ask but I really need to do this,"
"Ok if it's really what you want,"
"Thank you," she smiled. The first smile he had seen from her since she had walked into his office. She stood up and headed out, she stopped short just as she reached the door. "Sir," He glanced up at her "Could we keep this between us for the day. I don't want anyone to know I'm leaving. After tomorrow it won't matter,"
Jack looked surprised "Stevie you have a lot of friends here, they'll want the chance to say goodbye,"
"I know," she answered glumly "I know it's selfish but I don't want any fuss and I hate goodbyes,"
"It's a strange request but I'll honour it," He smiled warmly at her "Good luck Stevie, I hope you find whatever it is you couldn't find here,"
"Thank you Gov," She headed out the door hoping to again dodge Smithy on the way out the building.