SPOILERS FOR 05x02
Kind of like a rewrite to the end scene of Cloudy With a Chance of Murder.
Just because I am having major feelings about her pause and the way his eyes squint.
"For the record, I wasn't gonna sleep with her."
A pause. That damn pause that made his vision go blurry, his eyes squint as if that would help it make more sense, his heartbeat so fast he could swear he felt it breaking in his chest.
She didn't know, did she?
She didn't know.
"You thought I would sleep with her," he murmured, unable to keep the hurt out of his tone, "You thought I would cheat on you."
"No!" she said too quickly.
"Kate…" he said, the words catching in his throat.
He needed to sit down, lean against something to keep him from falling over.
She thought he would cheat on her.
"No," she said, moving over to him, "I know you… I know you wouldn't…" she sighed, pursing her lips in frustration, the words coming out quietly when she finally found them, "… but the boys and I were talking over dinner and Ryan said that you should've been more excited because she's known for seducing men and bikinis and Esposito said that you're a man and you have a pulse so you would definitely be putting the moves on her and –"
"They're not me, Kate," he said his voice still quiet, his head still spinning because Kate Beckett, his partner, his girlfriend who he had finally gotten a chance to love after four long years of foreplay, actually thought that he would throw all of that away for someone who wasn't her.
He couldn't decide whether to be more angry or hurt.
"If they thought that I would just… give up on you…" he continued, shaking his head, "… then they don't know me at all."
"You don't know me at all," he whispered, almost dumbstruck.
How could she doubt him?
He watched her blanche, freeze in front of him, her eyes shining and he felt the air leave his lungs because he was hurting her and that was the last thing he ever wanted to do.
But she hurt him first.
"You don't know me at all," he said, his voice growing stronger as he got control of his limbs, moving towards her slowly, "if you think for a moment that there could be anyone else."
He reached for her, took her head in his hands and forced her to look up at him, his thumbs against her cheeks keeping her steady.
"I waited four years," he said, his voice low, "for the chance to love you. Four years of waiting for you. And now that I've got you… you're crazy to believe that I would throw that all away. I love you, Kate. You. Why would I ever want anyone else when I've got you?"
She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to avoid his gaze no doubt, her lip trembling, and he wanted to kiss her, wanted to be angry that she didn't trust him but really he's the one that planted the doubt in the first place, hadn't he? Advocating so fiercely for the date to keep their secret but really he could see how much she didn't like the idea, hadn't he? He should have known it was a bad idea to start with.
He was the one who had sex with his ex-wife whenever she came into town.
He was the one who got back together with his second ex-wife and publisher after she turned him down.
He was the one who flaunted blonde flight attendants in her face when he found out she lied to him.
"I'm sorry I made you doubt me," he said, "I am. But you have to know that there's no one else, Kate. I don't want, or need anybody else. I have you."
Her arms were around his waist then, pressing herself against him with her face pressed into his chest. He let his hands fall from her face, moving to wrap around her shoulders as he pressed his cheek against her hair, breathing her in.
"I'm sorry," he heard her mumble into his shirt as she shook her head from side to side, "I'm sorry."
He pressed his lips against her hair, hugging her tighter.
"It's okay," he murmured into his hair.
She continued to shake her head against him.
"It's not," she said, her voice growing stronger as she pulled away from him slightly.
"I know you," she said fiercely, "I know you would never do that to me… Or anyone else for that matter. I trust you… but I got jealous and let other people get into my head when they don't matter. The only people that matter are us…"
He stared at her for a moment as she rambled on, trying to keep himself from kissing her because he still didn't want to overstep his boundaries but he loved her so much that it was a constant struggle not to prove it to her.
So he settled.
He pulled her back into his arms, hugging her tightly against his chest, tucking her head under her chin and rubbing a hand up and down her back.
"Now you know," he mumbled, nearly sighing in relief when he felt her hands fist into his shirt. He rocked them a little, swaying side to side as he breathed her in. He couldn't help the slow smile that made its way across his face as he murmured the familiar words into her hair.
"I just want you."