As always, I have no idea where the hell this is going to go. I don't see too much action in this one. It's more touchy feely with a dash of my fucked up thought processes. Hope you all enjoy. If you don't please don't hurt my feelings too badly. Let me down gently. In other words don't treat me like I treat Edwin.
This was it! I have had it! I couldn't do this anymore. I was lying in a sea of glass and blood. The "Family" had taken off. Couldn't stand the smell. At least Carlisle was still here. Patching me up as always. I know it wasn't Jasper's fault. I could see it in Edward's eyes. Eyes that turned from gold to black over a paper cut. The he throws me into a glass table to cover his own blood lust and "holds off" Jasper! I didn't even want this party. I hate birthdays!
"Bella, would you like me to drive you home?" Edward whispered walking in. I guess now that the bleeding had stopped he could stand to be in the same room as I was. I felt bad about this. It really wasn't his fault. It was my fault. I had no business here. Between getting dressed up by Alice constantly and being subjected to parties I didn't want and told what to do and how to act by Edward I couldn't even remember who I was before I met him. I needed to calm down.
"Yes Edward. That would be great."
We didn't talk much on the way home. Edward apologized a few times for Jasper. As if it was his fault. Jasper was around when I got attacked by James and my blood didn't bother him that much. And there was a lot more of it then. To Edward's credit he did save me that day. But if he had just let me turn…
We pulled up and I began to walk inside.
"Bella, can I come up tonight?"
I had to put a stop to this. If we continued he was going to slip and kill me. It was a matter of time. He would feel guilty for eternity and I would feel…dead I guess.
"Edward can I ask you something? And I want complete honesty."
"Of course, love."
"Are you ever planning on turning me into a vampire?"
He was quiet and turned his head away from me. That was all the answer I needed. I turned around and headed into the house. I had to come up with another lie to tell Charlie so he didn't think my boyfriend was abusing me.
"Good night Edward. I will see you tomorrow."
I lay in bed that night and did nothing but think. I couldn't sleep. My arm was killing me. I loved Edward. I loved him a lot. More than anyone in my life. Not that I had any boyfriends up to this point. I guess with him being my first boyfriend and a vampire, I was presented with a whole new set of issues that most girls didn't have to think about. For the first time since I met him, I found myself wishing I hadn't fallen in love with Edward Cullen. But it was too late for that. I loved him. He loved me. But he didn't want me to be a vampire and I was tired of being the weak human who was constantly getting injured. If I couldn't be his equal then I couldn't be with him. It was with this realization that the tears began to fall. I was sobbing. I'm sure he was out there somewhere and could hear me. I buried my head in my pillow. Around 7 AM I heard car horn blaring. It was Saturday morning. Only one person I know would be up at 7 AM on a Saturday. I looked out my window and it was Edward. After my night of epiphanies last night I knew what I had to do. I would be strong enough for the both of us. But not today.
I walked downstairs. Charlie had already left to go fishing of course. Oh Bells, I hate leaving you alone. By the way I'm going fishing with my buddies. I had to get out of this sarcastic mood. I was in my robe and my hair was a rats nest of tangles. Edward was standing at the door when I opened it. He kissed me on the cheek and walked in before I could say anything.
"Good morning love. How is your arm?"
"It hurts Edward."
"I'm so sorry Jasper did that. He feels horrible about that and I promise I won't let him be around you any longer."
"For how long Edward? My whole life?"
"If that's what it takes." He said, nodding his head as if this idea had not occurred to him.
"It wasn't Jasper's fault. He was dealing with the bloodlust of everyone in that room. Stop making him feel guilty." I sighed. "Look Edward, I'm tired. I didn't get much sleep last night. I want to stay home."
"I don't mind that love. Maybe we could read or…"
"Oh. Okay. Can I see you tonight?"
"I think I am going to relax tonight. I just want some me time, ya know?"
I hated to see his face look so crestfallen. I had to be strong though. I just needed some time to figure out what I was going to say to him. I didn't want to hurt him but I didn't want to be hurt either.
"Maybe tomorrow morning you could come over and we could talk? I just need a day to myself okay?"
"Of course love. I will be here in the morning. I will miss you."
"I will miss you too Edward." He had no idea how much I would miss him.
The rest of the day, I was miserable. I kept going over and over in my head what I was going to say. There was no way around this. I was going to hurt him. I was going to have to if I wanted him to move on.
Once I had made my decision though, I felt curiously at peace with myself. I actually slept that night. I may have tossed and turned some but for the most part the night passed easily. At 7:00 Am I heard a knock on the door. I heard Charlie answer the door. I heard Charlie ask what the hell he wanted at 7:00 AM.
"I was asked to come this morning, sir." Edward smoothly said in his calm tone.
"At 7 AM? I know damn well she didn't say at 7 AM. She is still asleep."
"Dad it's okay." I yelled down. "I didn't give him a specific time. I will be down in a second." I hoped that would ward off a potential fight. I didn't want Edward to have a worse day than he was already going to have. Or maybe he would be glad to be free of me. He wouldn't have to be careful all the time. He could be what he was instead of pretending to be something else. And I could stop pretending to be something else as well.
I made it down in 5 minutes. He reached to hug me but I couldn't. This needed to be a clean break. No mixed messages.
"Edward would you take a walk with me?" I wasn't doing this with Charlie in the house.
"Of course love. Where would you like to go?"
"Just follow me." I walked the path behind our house into the woods.
"Bella are you okay?" I took a deep breath. It was time.
"Edward, I am thinking of moving after this year is over. To Florida. To be with Renee and to go to College. Charlie is gone quite a bit. I will finish my senior year out but I am moving in the summer after graduation. I haven't told Charlie yet."
"Bella if this is what you really want, I am behind you. It will be difficult for everyone to move around in the sunshine but if this is what makes you happy…"
"I'm moving Edward. Not you. Not your family. I am going alone."
"Bella is this about the other night? I promise nothing like that will happen again."
"It will though, Edward. You don't want me to change into a vampire. I can understand that. I appreciate your views and your view on protecting my soul, however misguided I feel it is. But this isn't working. I can't be a human dating a vampire. I don't want to. You need someone who understands you. Who is like you. I can't be that person. I can't be the person you want."
"But Bella, I love you."
This was going to suck.
"Edward what we had is passing. You're my first boyfriend. You know how humans are. We aren't vampires. We change our minds constantly. I cannot be with someone who won't grow old with me and won't let me stay young with him. This is for the best Edward."
"But Bella, we love each other." Why can't you just go Edward?
"I don't love you Edward."
Silence. He wasn't moving. God I'm a horrible person. I had to be strong though. It was for the best.
"You don't mean that." He said finally. Why did he have to make this harder? I refused to be cold towards him but I had to get this over with.
"Don't tell me what I mean Edward. Not anymore. I don't love you and I don't want to be your girlfriend, your human, your pet, whatever it is I am."
"You are not a pet!"
"I know Edward. I shouldn't have said that. But it doesn't change anything. I think it best we don't see each other any longer. At school or anywhere else. You will move on. You will find another. Someone who is your equal."
"And what about you Bella?"
I took a deep breath. It hurt me to say these things but they needed to be said. I needed to move on.
"Humans have their distractions Edward. I will move on as well. It's for the best."
The look on his face was breaking my heart.
"I understand Bella. We won't be in school tomorrow. Would you like to say goodbye to the family?"
"No." I couldn't do it. If I saw them, I would break down. I couldn't say goodbye to them at the same time I was leaving him. "I think a clean break is best."
"I understand Bella." Edward turned to walk away.
"Don't do anything…reckless. You know for Esme and Carlisle's sake. Promise?"
"Of course." He whispered. And he was gone.
I waited for 5 minutes before the tears started to fall. I really wasn't planning on moving to Florida. But I suspected he would be gone before that issue came up. I believed him. I didn't expect to see him in school tomorrow. I didn't expect to see any of them ever again. I walked slowly back to the house, wiping my eyes. I did this and I would stick to it. It was best for both of us.
As I was walking up the porch Charlie was walking out. He noticed the tears in my eyes.
"Where is he? What did he do to you?" He looked around with murder in his eyes.
"Nothing Dad. I broke up with him and I just need a little time."
The look on Charlie's face was shock. "But I thought… I mean I'm glad but… It's just a surprise is all?"
I ran inside. I really didn't want to see the smile I knew he was fighting back.
The next day the rumor mill ran rampant at school. I told Jessica in a moment of weakness that I broke up with Edward and he and his family had left. Nobody really understood why the whole family moved because we broke up. I didn't have an answer I could give them so I simply shrugged my shoulders. I sat with my friends. The friends I had left behind when I got so wrapped up with Edward. Surprisingly I found I missed them. Even Lauren's bitchy remarks. The day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And a small part of me was relieved. I felt like I got my life back. I felt like me. It was hard to realize who you are when Edward is right next to you 24/7. Maybe this was what was best for both of us and not just him.
2 years later
"What's up Jock?" I asked my boyfriend as he walked through the door.
"What's up with you Nerd?"
I met Matt Barker my freshman year at UW. He was a freshman as well. Only he was the prized Texas Schoolboy quarterback UW was so excited about. I was still just me. I was assigned to tutor him since I was tutoring to make extra cash. I found out that all football players were assigned tutors whether they needed it or not. I also soon found out that Matt was nothing I expected him to be and did not need a tutor. He was smart. As smart as I was if not smarter. He didn't need my help. But he was fun to talk to. We started an easy friendship that went from the library to the coffee shop to the restaurants to our bed. I still laugh at how bad I was at sex my first time. I guess it's to be expected but God I was nervous. I was a fast learner though and Matt was a great tutor. We moved in together at the start of the second semester. Charlie didn't know. And God help me if he found out. God help Matt. Charlie really liked him but that little factoid might change his opinion.
Matt was easy to be with. He was funny, sarcastic and didn't take himself seriously. The rest of the campus worshipped the ground he walked on and he acted like he could care less. He grew up poor. He knew better to let crap like that get to his head. I asked him why he didn't soak up the love so to speak. In a roundabout way I asked him what he was doing with me. He just smiled and told me he loved me and that was all that mattered. He then reminded me that the thousands of fans who worshipped him on Saturdays in the fall wouldn't give a crap about him if he took a bad hit to his knee. I loved that about him. He had every reason to not be grounded and yet he still was.
"So nothing I can do to talk you out of this?"
"Bella lets go see your mother in Florida. The sun actually shines out there I hear."
"I promised Charlie. You know he has been wanting to see you again."
"I love Charlie, Bella. But two months? The whole summer? When are we going to have alone time? You know? Sex? That damn fold out hurts. C'mon babe. We could take a trip. I'll take you to Cancun."
"We had this discussion Matt and you can't afford to take you to Cancun, much less take me along with you."
"You can ride in my suitcase?"
I shot the finger at him. "I'm packed jock. Get your shit together and let's go see Daddy."
He smiled at me and went to the bedroom of our small apartment. It is so easy to be with him. We are exactly alike in so many ways despite our obvious differences in athletic ability. I really did love him. It wasn't an all-encompassing love that I would lose myself in. It was nice just to love and be loved.
Another damn night in this forest, wet and bored. The leech hadn't shown herself tonight. Over 6 months and we still hadn't caught her. She was quick. And she only came around once every couple of months. The rest of the time we killed the occasional leech who accidentally wandered into our territory.
/What's up asshole?/
Shit. Leah is patrolling with me.
/Hello bitch. Charming as always Leah./
/You're one to talk. Any sign of leeches?/
/Nope. I thought you were going to be at Sam and Emily's tonight and Seth was patrolling with me./
/I traded. No way was I sticking around the imprint love fest they got going on./
/Please. You hate that crap as much as anybody else./
She had me there. I didn't understand it. I didn't understand how someone could become your whole world in a matter of seconds. The whole concept was ridiculous. Soul mates my ass. But still.
/Yeah I know Paul. A part of you wishes it would happen to you right?/
/No! Don't be ridiculous. I like having multiple women on the line at any time. Keeps life fresh and exciting./
/A part of me wishes it would happen to me Paul. I am tired of being alone. I want to forget Sam./
/Damn, hardass alpha bitch is going soft on me huh?/
/Shut it Paul. I'm just saying it may be nice to become zombified. Zombie's don't have to think./
/Whatever. Sam wants us to go by Charlie's. The last time the leech came through Sam had a feeling it was heading for Swan's house for some reason./
/Considering her daughter used to date one, I'm not surprised./ Leah growled.
/Chill. She broke up with him you know? At least she got them to leave. Not that I condone necrophilia. Creepy./
/Yeah it's been two years and we still have leeches coming around. A lot of good it did us./
We reached the woods by Charlie's house. A car was pulling up.
/Is that?/ I asked.
/Yep, that's the little leech lover herself. Back in town. I guess she is here for summer break. I hope she only stays long enough to visit and leaves. We don't need any more leeches./
Maybe not but with Jake having a huge crush on her, things were about to get more interesting. As if she would be interested in a high school junior. Still she dated a dead guy…
/Chill Leah. I can't wait to tell little baby alpha that his crush is here and it looks like she brought a boyfriend./ This was great.
/Quit stalking and let's go LaHote. We got rounds to make./
/I'm coming bitch. No reason to get your thong in a bunch. Oh wait, you don't wear underwear do you?/
She attempted to bite me and I jumped out of the way laughing at her. What was Swan doing back here? I wondered how long she would stay. Then I wondered why I gave a damn. Oh well, from the back she was looking really good.
/Okay, okay. Let's go./
I didn't know why but I had a feeling life was about to get more interesting. I finished patrol and went straight to my house. I really wasn't in the mood for the imprint love fest. Normally nothing could keep me away from Emily's cooking. But tonight I was just tired. I looked around my house. It was so depressing. I thought about decorating it some but I never got around to it. I didn't see the point. It wasn't like anybody ever saw it. I had nobody and that was fine with me. I didn't need anybody. I only needed me.
I walked into my house to see my Mom cooking in the kitchen.
"Hey Leah. How was patrol?"
"Not going to Sam's huh?" She asked with that pity face she gets when she is crossing into Sam territory.
"You will be at the bonfire tomorrow night though right?"
"Leah please. You can't stay in your room all the time."
"And why is that?"
"Please Leah? For me? I miss spending time with you. We live together and I never seem to see you."
Dammit, she is pulling the guilt card.
"Fine I will go to the bonfire tomorrow night. But I am not staying long."
"Great. And Charlie will be there too." She said off handedly. I knew she and Charlie had been getting close. I didn't realize how far it had come until she just mentioned his name.
"I didn't ask if Charlie was coming." I told her raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, I think he just wants to show off Bella's boyfriend. Apparently he is a big shot football player."
I rolled my eyes. "Charlie should be in Heaven then."
"He is." She smiled.
"Wait a minute, Bella is going to be there?"
"Don't start Leah. That girl has never done a thing to you."
"She dated a Cullen. The Cullens. The reason I can't have a life." Why didn't anybody get this?
"The Cullen's were here before she was Leah. And they would have been here a lot longer if she hadn't come to her senses and dumped him."
"Whatever. I'm going to take a shower."
I relaxed when the warm water hit my skin. A bonfire with Bella Swan and her boyfriend. Oh well. Watching Jake's reaction should make the whole night worth it.