Dawn's F Word

"If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed." - "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath

"Words of wisdom." Dawn thought bleakly as she tuned out O'Neill, who for some reason was speaking louder than normal, not that it mattered, it was all his fault at any rate.

For some reason, she found herself unable to turn the page in the book, her eyes reread the same phrase over and over again.

Even as her teacher screamed that he was a failure and begged everyone not to look at him, Dawn obliged him and continued to read on, thankful that the background noise of Mr. O'Neill's pitiful breakdown was easy to ignore.

Everyone around her was easy to ignore, they sucked.

"All anyone does around here is make fun of me because of the weight," Dawn thought feeling as miserable as that girl in the green coat always seemed to be, "No one here knows the real me."

"Not even Mom and Dad." Her inner voice whispered to her mournfully, her eyes continuing their repetition. "If you expect nothing.."

Over and over again she looped the words, knowing to the core of her being that they were true.

Her mistake had been in expecting something of her parents, she had tried to do the Failure assignment in that she had chosen to sit down with her parents and have a real conversation with them.

"I had hoped to fail in the assignment," Dawn reminded herself, "I was fool to believe that either of them were capable of talking to me and not at me, much less focus on something other than how much weight I've lost or gained."

It had ended with screaming and yelling, and her locking herself in her room with her stuff, and most importantly of all the mini-fridge that she had hidden in her closet, stashed in it were her favorite goodies.

"At least a pint of peanut butter ice cream can't tell me that I'm hideous." Dawn thought to herself and saw a tear drop fall on the page, smearing the words and breaking the spell.

She looked up and noticed that the teacher wasn't in the room anymore and everyone else in the room was as depressed as her.

"I guess the assignment's over," Dawn mused to herself without any joy, "We're all failures, just like he wanted."

She shouldn't have expected anything else, or so she told herself to assuage her disappointment in having done a fool's errand for nothing.

Not even a pint of peanut butter ice cream or a Sylvia Plath novel that didn't have tear smeared words.