TOTAL DRAMA ALL-STARS!
Episode 1: An Aggressive Reunion Part 1
CHRIS: "Welcome back to Total Drama! I'm your Host with the most, Chris McLean!" BLAINELEY: "And I'm your beautiful and talented co-host, Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran! And we welcome you to beautiful Kanakawa Island just north of Vancouver Island…" CHRIS: "Blaine, your stealing my spotlight." Blaineley, whining slightly "But the contract states…" Chris pushes her off the dock. "Then consider me in violation of my contract starting now!" he says as she scowls at him angrily as she pulls out of the water and stomps away. "Bastard" she says. "Thank you Blaineley it's a pleasure to work with you again too."
"Anyways, as she was saying, welcome to Kanakawa Island, the location of our best Season yet!" Chris continues "Why you ask? Because we've gathered the best, the brightest, the strongest, the bravest, the craziest, the funniest, the meanest, the most manipulative, vindictive, and determined contestants of the past 4 seasons of total drama all in one place competing for a cash prize of 10 MILLION DOLLARS!"
"Welcome to TOTAL, DRAMA, ALLLL-STARRSS!" "Prepare to die Chris!" screams Blaineley as she charges at him with a golf club in her hands. "Chef HELP ME!" "No way, this is way too funny!" Chef Hatchet replies with while sitting in deck chair eating popcorn. "AHHHHH!" Chris screams as he's being chased around by an enraged Blaineley with golf club over her head. The screen then transitions to the Theme screen "I wanna be Famous!"
Then we move to the next scene where Chris is smarting from the beating Blaineley just gave him. "Ugh, crazy bitch can hit hard… Oh crap, were rolling! 'Ahem!' Hello again, I'm Chris McLean, and welcome to TOTAL, DRAMA, ALL STARS! Where we take the best heroes, villains, and crazies from the past 4 seasons, and pit them against each other for 10 MILLION DOOLLLAAARS! Oh look, here come our All-Stars now…"
The camera turns to almost 2 dozen boats carrying all the contestants, 24 in all.
It arrives at the dock, the door opens, and Owen, in a new t-shirt, solid blue with white maple leaf, and his classic khaki shorts comes rushing out… "Owen, my man… how's it going?" "THIS IS… AWESOME!"
Then Duncan arrives and pushes Owen over, "Shove your awesome up your ass Owen." "Hey! I'm just trying to make the best of this situation!" "Yeah, well the situation sucks." "Nice to see you haven't lost that attitude Duncan" Chris says. "Up yours Chris!" Duncan says as he walks off the dock, bags in hand, with Owen following close behind.
"Alejandro! Good to see you out of that suit man, looking good amigo." "Que te pudras en el infierno Mclean (May you rot in hell McLean in Spanish)!" A scarred Alejandro, wearing a black T-shirt, blue jeans, and his trademark black cowboy boots, with a crescent-shaped scar under his left eye, while shaking his fist in rage says.
"Oooh… I don't know what that means, but it sounded hateful" is Chris' reply. "Brick MacArthur, reporting for his second tour of duty, SIR." "Brick, what's up with that get up?" Chris says, snickering at Brick's new violet ball cap turned backwards, with a red "B" in the centre, he's also wearing a Red leather jacket, with blue lines running down the arms, partially covering his usual army-green T-shirt, with his dog tags still hanging around his neck, polished to a shine, with his blue jean shorts, but instead of his army boots, he's wearing black sneakers with violet patches at the sides, with bright green athlete socks pulled up high. "Hey! I made these with my bare hands, plus I took up breakdancing, so you'd better show me some respect this yeAR!" Brick exclaims in surprize as he is tripped by Jo.
"Brickhouse, you ain't getting no respect from NOBODY in that Jacket, it's even worse that you made yourself, shows how incompetent you are" Jo says, her hair is shoulder length, she has on light purple eye shadow, paired with a peach colored lip gloss, she's wearing a black tank top with a white angry face on it, paired with violet yoga pants with pockets, and finally her grey sneakers. "Oh yeah? While I'd never see you with makeup on, and with yoga pants, you have a fine booty if I do say so myself ma'am."
"Oh please! I only did this so Lightning wouldn't mistake me for a dude again, and speaking of Sha-idiot, here he comes now." "Lightning, nice to see you back." Chris says. "Yeah, the Lightning is back baby! Even better than ever! SHA-BOOM, SHA-BAM, and SHA-BANG!" he screams while posing on the dock.
"Good god, just Sha-shut the hell up already!" Mike exclaims while coming off the boat with Zoey in tow. "I second that, Lightning, or should I say LUKAS, SHUT THE HELL UP!" Zoey screams right into his face. "Hey! No one but pops calls me Lukas!" Lightning replies. "Maybe "pops" won't mind if I do this! Mike says as he pushes Lightning off the dock into the water. "Mike, Zoey! How's last year's power couple doing?" Chris asks. "Good, no thanks to you Chris" They reply in unison. "Oh look, there's Sam, gamer junkie, how's it hangin?" he asks Sam as he comes off his boat. Even though he's engrossed in his PlayStation Vita, he still gives Chris the bird as he walks by.
"Yikes… wonder why I'm getting all the hostility this year?" "Maybe because of all the TORTURE AND SUFFERING YOU'VE PUT US THROUGH!" screams Ezekiel as he's coming off his boat. He's wearing a green hooded tee with a gold Z on it, with grey cargos, and black combat boots, and green rimmed sunglasses, with a fully stocked arrow holster while carrying two suitcases and a hockey bag slung on his right shoulder.
"Homeschool, I know you brought here by fan vote, but what in your opinion makes you an All-Star? I mean, you've been eliminated 1st every time you've competed, what makes this year different in your mind?" Chris asks mockingly. "Simple…" he puts down one of the suitcases, opens it, pulls out a teal colored fold-away Recurve bow, clicks it into place with one shake, takes an arrow out of his holster, puts it in place, pulls it back, and launches a perfect shot on the cup of coffee that Chris was holding, shattering it and splattering hot coffee all over Chris "Dude, that burns!"
"Holy Crap" Duncan says, shocked. "Serious skills yo" says Brick, impressed. "Sha-yikes, I wouldn't wanna be on the receiving end of THAT" says Lightning. "ANYMORE DUMB QUESTIONS MCLEAN?!" "Uh, no I'm good" "That's good, and never call me "homeschool" again, or you'll regret it, eh?" "Got the message Zeke, loud and clear" replies Chris, still shaken.
"M-moving on… Bridgette is now coming out, hey Bridge, how are you doing?" "Good actually, this island is beautiful, should make for good surfing" she replies in her most sincere voice and smile she could possibly muster for Chris McLean.
"Glad you like it." "Bridgette, you should really be thanking ME, if my lawsuits weren't so successful, we'd probably be dumped on Wakanawa again" says Courtney, dressed in a grey tank top, complimented by black shorts, and blue Converse high-tops, she also has violet highlights in her now much longer dark-brown hair. "Well HELLO to you too Courtney"
Chris says with a slight growl in his voice. "Hey Chris, remember our AGREEMENT?" "Ugh, how could I forget…?" "Good" Courtney replies as she walks off the dock. "Oh look, here comes DJ! DJ, what are your 1st impressions of Kanakawa?" "Oh, uh… it's nice, sunny, beautiful, my kind of place Blaineley" says DJ, mostly the same, but now his black hair is fully exposed, in short dreadlocks, smiling.
"Heh, at least it's not Wakanawa again" says Scott, as he comes off his boat; there are some gasps at his appearance from some of the arrived contestants, as his arms and shoulders are absolutely covered in scars, and his skin is a ghostly white, although he is a full 2 inches taller, he wearing a white muscle shirt with a red cross-hairs, with a necklace of Most of Fang's teeth, black jeans, and white sneakers. "What's all the gasping about huh?" "Uh, Scott, you're very pale, you're covered with scars, and you're somehow taller…
" "Gee, you don't say? You try being in a body cast, then being put in a catapult with a mutated man-eating shark who eats you alive, and let's see HOW YOU LOOK?! DON'T THINK I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THAT CHRIS AND ZOEY!" Scott screams in indignant rage, pointing at both Chris and Zoey. At that, Chris runs away in fear from Scott and Ezekiel.
"As for the second part of your question Blaineley, I'm taller because during Surgery they had to break my thighs properly to put in leg splints for my femurs, which were broken in 3 places, over time my bones regrew around the splints and screws, extending my height by about 2 inches, doesn't exactly makeup for the fact that I almost ended up in a hole in the ground, but I'll take it."
"Look, there's Gwen! Gwen, what do you think of Kanakawa?" Blaineley asks. "At least it ain't Wakanawa" is her reply. "Oh look, here comes Dakota… Dakota! How's it going?" "Good Blaineley, wow this place is nice…" "Isn't it? Wow you are so tall, you must have a full foot on me" is Blaineley's cheery reply. "I know, side effect of my treatments, I'm 6-7 and 200 pounds." She says proudly, and then walks off to join the others.
"Trent, how are you doing?" Blaineley asks as he comes off his boat. "Great actually, if fact I think I'm gonna make it all the way this time!" Trent exclaims. "Yeah right! Like that's gonna happen crazy dude!" says Duncan.
"Hey! 9 may still be my lucky number, but I'm no longer obsessed with it! Plus, I ain't a little Punk wannabe trying to look badass!" Duncan walks up to Trent, and says "You wanna fight music boy? Cause that can be arranged!" "Bring it on! I'll kick your ass!" Trent replies to him as they're now staring each other down… "Whoa boys! Loving the angst here, but save your hate for the competition, we don't wanna bloodbath just yet!"
Blaineley says as she breaks them up. "Fine" they reply grudgingly as they walk away. "Look, there's Heather coming here now" says Blaineley. "Great, cause it just wouldn't be Total Drama without the biggest bitch on the planet" says Gwen. "Hey! I heard that!" Heather replies. "Doesn't make it any less true!"
Gwen replies back. "So, Heather, what's your motivation for coming for the 5th season of Total Drama?" asks Blaineley. "Simple, to win, and to spend more time with Alejandro" she says, then blows a kiss to him, and he catches it. "Wait a sec; you're going out with her again? Last time I checked man, she's responsible for you being burned alive" says Duncan.
"Yes, well I forgave her and she apologized to me for what she did." "Wait, Heather apologized for something? She's capable of feeling guilt? I find that hard to believe." Courtney says. "Well, I did, and I don't care if you believe me or not, Alejandro believes me, and forgave me." She then proceeds to make out with him, "Ugh, get a room you too" Duncan says, and then Heather stomps on his foot. "Ow…, well, I guess I had that coming."
"Hey guys, it's so great to be back, HA-AHAHAHA!" says Izzy, wearing her usual clothes, except with a lime-green leather jacket, and lime green heel-boots, as she somersaults onto shore. "Oh nooo…" says Heather. "OH YES! Back by popular demand… IZZY EVERYONE!" "Groan…" is the sound heard from almost everyone, except Zeke and Owen.
"What? While I was in the Cargo hold on WT, Izzy found me and didn't tell anyone, in fact, she kept me fed, safe, and the company was nice" Zeke replies to everyone's stares.
"I have to say though… you look a lot better than you have in previous seasons, those green go-go boots and leather jacket really suit you" says Blaineley. "Oh, I KNOW right? I was walking by a Dolce & Gabbana last month, and these caught my eye… but I didn't have enough Cash, so I just hacked an ATM across the street, and got enough cash to buy them, simple…CRAP! Did I just say that aloud? There goes my pardon."
"You hacked an ATM? Impressive" says Zeke, smirking. "I know right?" "Why does none of what she just said surprise me?" Heather asks sarcastically. "Uh, because she's crazier than a shithouse rat?" Duncan says, and then Owen and Zeke glare at Him, "What, just telling the truth-wha?!" Duncan exclaims as he lifted off the ground by his collar.
"DO NOT talk about Izzy that way, I wouldn't have gone insane and feral if she hadn't gotten injured, I owe her A LOT, so unless you want your face caved in Duncan you will not talk about her like that AGAIN, got it?!" Zeke exclaims. "Got it, but how the hell are you able to do that?" Duncan asks. "Simple, a combination of fitness obsession, and radiation-altered DNA, I was down in that dump longer than Dakota was, so I'm just as strong as she is, maybe stronger."
"Oh look, here comes Tyler now!" says Blaineley. "The Tyler is here, and this time, I'm in it to win it!" "And what makes you think that's gonna be a possibility, I'm not saying anything about your athletics, it's just you're a total klutz, and you seem to be magnetically attracted to the most painful wipeouts ever seen on television, really how you haven't broken every bone in your body by now is a total mystery" says Blaineley.
"Because I've been hitting the gym even harder than usual, all my wipeouts and injuries have given me near-perfect pain tolerance, and I've been working on my lack of coordination, so I think my chances have improved by a WIDE margin" Tyler, with his typical headband, but dressed in a red tee, with his initials "T.T" stitched into his left sleeve, red board-shorts with white stripes on the sides, and red Nikes with red and white athlete socks, says beaming with pride. "TYLER!" Lindsay screams in delight as she jumps off her boat and tackles him.
"Here's Lindsay everyone!" "Y-you remember me? Just like that?" Tyler asks in shock. "Of course, though I had to rehearse your name while looking at your picture thousands of times to finally get it right, sorry it took so long."
Lindsay says apologetically, sans bandana in her hair, while dressed in a white sleeveless tube-top, a baby-blue skirt, and ice-blue and white go-go boots. They get up, and then Tyler says "its okay babe, I'm just glad you remember now." "And I'll never forget again, as long as I live" Lindsay replies. "That a promise?" Tyler asks smirking. Lindsay then kisses him deeply,
"That a good enough answer for you Tiger?" she asks. "Yeah, that'll do babe, grab your bags, and let's join the others." "Aww… that's so sweet" says Dawn as she walks off her boat carrying her luggage, with Scott smiling, Dawn sees him, and blushes.
"Dawn, the moonchild from last season, how's it going?" "Good, wow this island is so beautiful, so full of life, it's magnificent" Dawn says in awe. "Here comes… EVA!" Blaineley exclaims.
"So Eva, what do think of- wha?!" Blaineley says in surprise as she's pushed over by Eva. "I'm here to win and re-deem myself, not talk to YOU" Eva says harshly, her unibrow gone, wearing her typical clothing. Blaineley pulls herself up, and says "Ugh, bitch-""You're one to talk" Eva says as she interrupts her, and walks away, joining the group.
"Anyway, here comes our final contestant, and one of the sexiest and most cunning, male model Justin!" Justin comes off his boat wearing shades, his typical army-green tee, but with white jeans and black leather slacks, a silver crucifix around his neck. He looks up to the sky, sniffs the air, and exhales, saying "Ahh… smells like home."
"Good to see you again Blaineley, it's my pleasure" he says as he kisses her hand. "Oh, the pleasure is all mine, believe me." Gaging sounds can be heard from several contestants, including Alejandro, Heather, Courtney, Scott, Gwen, Duncan, Zoey, Mike, Jo, and Eva. "Oh shut up!" replies Justin.
"Great! Now that you're all here, I and Chef will be giving you a tour of the island, where you'll be staying for the next 10 weeks." "Oh Greaat, wonderful, probably some more crappy cabins and more death traps" Scott says.
"Oh, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised…" Blaineley says. "And now we come to your Cabins! As you can see their more than adequate for your needs." Blaineley says. There are two cabins, much larger than your previous ones 2 floors each one for the guys and one for the gals, electricity, running water, air conditioning, comfortable beds, and a bathroom/ confessional on each floor. The contestants stare in awe at the sight.
"If you wanna do confessionals, leave your bags here, and go ahead, after each confessional, I and Chef will personally escort you one by one to the dining hall, where Chris is waiting to split you into your teams" The contestants drop their bags, and run over to the 2 cabins, one painted light blue, the other black.
Confessional, Gwen: Well, we're on a new Island, with decent cabins, with Duncan… having that psycho Courtney to deal with sucks, she has seriously gone off the deep end, and she keeps on telling me that it's only a matter of time before Duncan cheats on me to. Seriously Courtney, just because Duncan dumped you doesn't mean he's going to cheat on me too, can it? (Static)
Scott: So, I'm back on Total Drama, man there are so many things I regret doing, I learned the hard way that having no friends to fall back on can bite you in the ass, literally. So I'm gonna play an honest game this time, besides I promised Dawn, and I ALWAYS keep my promises. (Static)
Tyler: Man, I'm so stoked for this season! I'm in the best shape of my life, and Lindsay actually remembers me! Could this get any better? (Static)
Heather: Finally! I'm being treated with the respect I've earned! I've come close, I loved, I lost, I got it back… but this year, I'm gonna win it all! Love you hotshot. (She blows a kiss to the Camera, and then it goes to static)
Dawn: It feels strange to be back on this show, but I think I can actually win; this place is so beautiful… like Scott. (Static)
Zoey: What was up with Dawn blushing at Scott on the dock? I could almost swear she was blushing at his smile… could DAWN actually like SCOTT? There's no way, right? He stabbed her in the back last season, any chance he had, he lost it, and I'm pretty sure anyway… (Static)
Lightning: I may have lost out to that toothpick Cameron last year, but this year… no Cam, no serious competition, I'm going all the way! I've got to… for pops… (Lightning begins to cry as it goes to static)
Courtney: Well, it looks like my lawsuits finally brought something tangible to this competition! Now I'm just worried about Gwen's relationship with Duncan, not because I still care about him, sooo over Duncan, no I'm more worried about Gwen, and not if, but when Duncan will cheat on her to… (Static)
Dakota: You're gonna pay Chris! I went through Tabloid hell thanks to you, now you're gonna feel the pain, DAKOTAZOID STYLE! (Dakota's irises go red as it goes to static)
Duncan: Hmm… nice digs… maybe Chris is actually gonna treat us with respect this year… HA-HA-HA-AH-AH-HA! Ha… that's about as likely as Owen getting back together with Izzy, not gonna happen. Either there's an ulterior motive, or someone else is pulling the strings this season. (Static)
Bridgette: Someplace nice, someplace I can surf! This year's gonna be fun… I just wish Geoff was here to see it, I'm gonna win for you! (Bridge kisses the camera as it goes to static)
Izzy: HEY GUYS! So great to be back huh? This island is beautiful, sunny… GREAT! Owen keeps on trying to hit on me though, I told him unless he loses weight, I can't go out with him in good conscience, he's kinda taking it hard… I hope he doesn't do anything stupid… (Izzy has a worried look on her face as the screen goes to static)
Owen: IZZY! 'Sob' I SWEAR TO YOU, I'M GONNA KICK THESE BULGES, then I'll finally have you in my arms again! I miss you… (Static)
Lindsay: It's so great to be back! And Tyler's here! AND I FINALLY REMEMBER HIM BY NAME! Took me long enough… but seriously, this new island is beautiful, Tyler's here… could this get any better? (Static)
DJ: At least it ain't Wakanawa, have a bad feeling about this place, despite its beauty… (Static)
Trent: So, here I am, back on Total Drama, and I'm in it to win it! Ok, at least part of my motive is to try and get Gwen back, I miss the time we had together, and Duncan doesn't deserve to have her, she is so much better than him, I'm gonna get her back, I swear it! (Static)
Sam: 3 words… fuck you Chris! (Static)
Jo: So I'm back… and better than ever! This time, NO ONE'S gonna stand in my way, not Scott, not Brick, not Lightning, not Heather, not Courtney, not Alejandro, NOBODY! I may have some stiff competition, BUT NOBODY'S GONNA STOP ME FROM GOING ALL THE WAY!
Mike: Don't tell anybody, but I let Vito stick around after I purged all my other personalities. He was just begging for his right to exist, I nearly got rid of him, but then he said he could make life more "fun" for me and Zoey, if ya know what I mean. I control him fully… you can come out Vito "Gasp!" (Mike gives control to Vito) Yeah, it's always a party when Vito's in the House! PUT YA HANDS UP! PUT YO HANDS UP! OH YEAH, OH YEAH, PARTY 24\7 MAN! What?! But you just let me out man…fine "Gasp!" (Mike is in control again). See? Full Control. (Static)
Ezekiel: You better watch out this year Chris, you cost me everything eh… my innocence, my dignity, MY SANITY! But this year I'm gonna settle the score! And don't think for a minute I forgot about you Lightning… YOU STRAPPED A GODDAMNED BOMB TO MY CHEST, AND KICKED ME DOWN A MINE SHAFT! You're gonna pay… THEY'RE ALL GONNA PAY! (Zeke punches the camera, cracking the screen, and knocking off its mount, he picks it up, and puts it back in place) That's just a demonstration, there a lot worse in store… (Zeke cracks his knuckles, then Static)
Alejandro: So here I am, back on total drama… the place where I met the love of my life, the place where I was burned alive… I blame Chris more than I blame Heather; she was just playing the game her way, even if her way was dead wrong. NO, the true blame lies with Chris, he's the one who set up the challenges, and he's the one who will burn this year! Speaking of burning, I wonder where Heather is right now… (Static)
Eva: In this game, I was never given a fair chance; the 1st time was because of a dirty trick pulled by the queen bitch herself, Heather, the 2nd time my temper got the best of me again. (Eva sighs heavily, then looks up and smiles) But you know what? I'm stronger, faster, more disciplined, and much more approachable. The pot's much, much bigger this time, 10 MILLION DOLLARS! Way better than 100 000$, third time's the charm right?
Brick: I'm strong, I'm fearless, I am the pinnacle of discipline, and I learned some wicked useful skills while in Toronto, and I'm much more aware of where the battle line is drawn, no one's catching me by surprise this year. (He lifts up his dog tags, kisses them, and salutes up at the sky, tears in his eyes) Dad, if you can hear me, I love you, I miss you, and I'm gonna win in tribute to your memory. (Static)
Justin: Most people no longer take me seriously as a threat anymore, thinking I'm all style and no substance… (Saying all this while he looks in his mirror, then he puts it down with a stern look on his face, and points at the camera) but let me tell you personally, working runways, doing photo-shoots, you quickly learn how to read people, their facial expressions, the small tics a person gives off when they lie, I'm a master at working those emotions, just chipping away until finally they crack, and crumble into dust at my feet. Plus, my body just isn't for show, look at me; I'm arguably one of the physically stronger players here. This time, I'll be silent, waiting in the shadows, until I see my opening, then BAM! Victory is mine, that simple. (Static)
"Ok everyone! Now that you're all done with your 1st confessional of the season, we will now go into the dining hall, where Chris will be waiting to split you into your teams." "Why did Chris suddenly bail on us and head to the dining hall?" Gwen asks. "Oh, he's recovering from the beatdown I put on him earlier, and he was pretty shook up from Zeke's impressive display of marksmanship" says Blaineley. "Yeah, seriously man, that rocked the look on Chris' face, priceless! Awesome work" Scott says to Zeke. "That's what I was lookin' for eh" is Zeke's reply as he fist bumps Scott, smiling deviously.
At the Dining Hall…
"Well guys, looks like we're back on Total Drama, at least the island we're on is better, and the prize is much bigger, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered" Zoey says as the competitors are talking amongst themselves. "Yeah me neither, I suffered through enough pain to last lifetimes" says Scott. "You have absolutely no right to say that Scott, because you deserved it all!"
A couple competitors gasp at her, including Dawn and Mike; Alejandro, Heather, Zeke and Izzy glare at her, Scott walks right up to her, jabs his finger in Zoey's face, and says "Excuse me, how did I deserve to have almost every single bone broken in my body, then fed to a mutated shark?!" Scott screams right into her face.
"Do I really need to remind you about all the horrible things you did to everyone last year?" Zoey replies. "Are you fucking kidding me? It was just a REALITY SHOW, I played the game!" "You took advantage of Mike's MPD and then threw him away like he was trash!" "I apologized to him for that, I apologized to everyone, I learned my lesson." "No Scott, I don't believe that for a second… people like you never change."
Their growling at each other, ready to fight when… "STOP IT!" Dawn screams as she comes between them. "Please, stop both of you, Zoey, your wrong Scott has changed, you really don't know what he's went through…" "Why are you sticking up for Scott all of a sudden, of all people?" "Because… I love him" is her reply as she clutches to his chest. "And I love her" is Scott's reply to Zoey as he brings his arm around Dawn's shoulders. "WHAT?!" Zoey and Mike scream in shock, other competitors' jaws drop, and most are speechless for several minutes.
Confessional, Izzy: (Smiling deviously) Ok guys, I totally did not see that coming did you? (Static)
Lindsay: I cannot believe Dana is dating Shawn! I mean, she's just so sweet and nice, and he's… not. (Static)
Duncan: (Shrugs) Stranger things have happened. (Static)
Lightning: (Mouth agape) Did I just Sha-hear what I just Sha-thought I heard? Alright Scott! (Lightning throws his arms up in celebration as it goes toStatic)
Sam and Dakota: (Sam looks thunderstruck) Well, that was shocking. (Switches to Dakota) Uh, I think that's the understatement of the century! Seriously, SCOTT?! Dawn I thought you had better standards… (Static)
Jo: (Arms crossed in disgust) I'm shocked, I truly am… Scott, seriously Dawn? The guy is a trailer-trash waste of space, I thought you had better taste in men, (shrugs) guess not. (Static)
Gwen (Sarcastically): Oh great, another completely incompatible couple that will implode by the end of this season. Those two have no idea what they're in for… (Static)
Mike: Ok that is so many levels of screwed up I don't even know where to begin… really Vito, now? (Grumbles) Fine "GASP!" (Mike switches control to Vito) "Ok dude, I've got shout out to my homeboy Scott, nice play man! You may have found a girl hotter than Zoey… OW!" (Vito yells as Mike punches him in the face, then transitions back to Mike) Vito, if you pull a stunt like that again, you'll join Svetlana, Chester, and Manitoba in oblivion, you hear me?! Good (Static)
Zoey: (completely distraught) How… just how?! Of all the people Dawn could fall in love with, she picked Scott. Wonderful. She couldn't even tell me in person, why? (Static)
Chris: This is awesome! The ratings are gonna be killer! "Better than Duncney, sweeter than Aleheather, even less likely than HaShawna, we present… Scott & Dawn, DOTT! YES!
(End of confessionals, back to present)
Zoey's eyes widen in shock, and then she says: "Dawn, w-why didn't you tell me? I'm your friend" "I was afraid of what your reaction was going to be, you and Scott aren't exactly on friendly terms…" was Dawn's reply. "I think her concern is reasonable, look at Dawn, she's doing all she can not to cry" Scott says, pointing down to his girl still clutching his chest, barely keeping it together.
"Look, for Dawn, and for the sake of both of our Sanity, I'm more than willing to bury the hatchet. I know we'll probably never be friends, but truce?" Scott asks as he holds out his hand to Zoey. "Truce, I still don't trust you though" Zoey says with a sly smile on her face. "Hey didn't say you had to" Scott says, holding his hands up, smiling deviously.
"Aw man and the tension was just starting to get good" Chris says as he walks into the dining hall. "Shove it up your ass Chris!" says Scott. "This is actually one of the times I actually agree with Scott when he gets loud and aggressive. Screw off Chris." "No thanks, I'm good, now contestants welcome to TOTAL DRAMA ALL-STARS! 24 of the best, most popular players from the past 4 seasons, competing for the biggest cash prize in Total Drama history, 10 MILLION DOLLARS!"
"Uh, question Chris…" says DJ. "Shoot big man" "Uh, why are we on such a nice island? With decent accommodations, and as yet, no hidden death traps?"
Chris growls at his question, and then says "You can thank Blaineley for that; Kanakawa is actually my own private vacation spot, and those 2 story cabins you're staying in? Yeah those are for the pool boys of my Olympic-size swimming pool and hot tub, but when Blaineley won her lawsuit against me, there were several… conditions.
1. Kanakawa is the site of Season 5. 2. Blaineley will be serving as co-host. 3. Humane sleeping accommodations are to be provided. 4. Chef will be provided with a clean, well-stocked kitchen so Chef can make actual food for a change." The entire room cheered at that announcement. "Hey, don't cheer just yet I still control the challenges, and trust me, they'll be the worst, most painful challenges I've ever unleashed on you losers MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"
Confessional, Gwen: When I heard that one of Blaineley's conditions was to force Chef to make actual food other than the disgusting gunk he usually makes, I did cry this time. (Static)
Dawn: There's nothing wrong with sticking it to Chris, but that laugh of his wasn't right at all, I have a bad feeling of things to come… (Static)
"And now, as I, your host with the most will select your teams as decided by fan-vote, the Captain of the Hero team is... Brick!
"Yes! I've always wanted to lead my own squad!" Brick screams in celebration.
Confessional, Brick: All right, it's time for Brick MacArthur to shine in the sun! (Static)
Bridgette: Good choice… there's no one more heroic, or a better leader here, great choice fans! (She gives the fans thumbs up, then Static)
"Brick, stand to the right of me, the Team that Brick will be leading will now be known as the Honorable Knights!" Chris says as a golden banner with a Knight symbol on it rolls out behind Brick.
"The assistant captains of your team will be Bridgette and Lindsay!" Chris says. "Bridgette and Lindsay, head off to the right and join Brick! "Brick, it's an Honor to meet you, saving your ex-teammates like that was just magnificent!" "It's an honor to meet you as well, Bridgette." Brick says.
"Admiral Lindsay-her-Hotness reporting for duty." "I like your enthusiasm at taking up a leadership role Lindsay, but since I'm Captain, you two are my Lieutenants" Brick hands them both camo ball caps "Okay then, Lieutenants, REPORT!"
"Lt. Bridgette, reporting for duty!" Bridge says, with cap on, saluting. "And Lt. Lindsay-her-Hotness, ready for action!" Lindsay says, in ball cap, saluting just like Bridgette did. "At ease, good job." "HA-HA-HA! You guys are just gonna follow the Jarhead, just like that, your idiots!" Duncan says, practically falling off his chair laughing. "Quiet maggot! You know absolutely NOTHING about following orders!" replies Brick in a stern tone. "I don't want to either" is Duncan's reply.
Confessional, Brick: I'm not even Captain for 5 minutes, and I already have someone disrespecting my authority! That Duncan is already getting under my skin! Well, at least I have Bridgette and Lindsay to fall back on if Duncan ends up on my squad.
Lindsay: I don't understand why David is being so disrespectful to Captain Brett! I think it's an honor to be his Lieutenant! He's the most heroic guy here, other than my Tyler of course! (Her cheeks turn pink thinking about Tyler, then static)
"Ok, now that the Captains for the Knights are settled, the Captain for the Villain team is… Heather! Heather, walk over to the left of me please" Chris asks. "Wait, wait HEATHER is captain?! How did that happen?" Gwen asks incredulously. "Fan Voting, Brick was voted Captain of the Knights, while Heather was voted Captain of… the Voracious Vultures!"
Chris announces as a black banner with a vulture symbol rolls out behind Heather. Heather groans... "Did you really have to name my team the Vultures?" Heather asks.
"Oh, I think it suits you Heather, since you're always picking away at people" says Gwen. "Bite me weird Goth girl" is Heather's reply. "And your assistant Captains, as voted by the fans are Alejandro and Jo!" "Ah, it will be my pleasure to serve under you my little Rosa" Alejandro says as he kisses her hand, Heather blushing all the way through.
"Come here Hotshot" Heather says as she pulls him close and makes out with him. "Ugh, will you two get a room already?!" Screams Jo out of impatience.
"Ah, you must be Jo, pleasure to meet you" says Heather, staring her down for interrupting her and Alejandro. "Yes, and I would prefer to get this show on the road please." "So…" Brick starts to say "Looks like we'll be competing against each other once again." "And I wouldn't have it any other way." Jo replies to Brick, both of them smiling at each other deviously.
Confessional, Scott: Could anyone else sense the sexual tension between Brick and Jo? It was so thick it could only be cut with a chainsaw. Why they don't just make out already?! (Static)
Courtney: "Ak! Ugh, Alejandro and Heather disgust me sucking face all the time; they're the evil Bridgette and Geoff! (Continues making Gagging noises as it goes to static)
"OOOKAYY… Now to sort out the rest of the teams" Chris says.
"Tyler, you get to join the Knights with your girl Lindsay!" "All right! Come here you little you little minx!" Tyler says to Lindsay. "Coming Tiger!" Says Lindsay as she jumps into Tyler's arms. "Tiger, I like that" "I knew you would" replies Lindsay as she makes out with Tyler in his arms. "Ugh, enough with the Love! Just get over there!" Chris says.
"Moving on, joining the Vultures is Courtney!" Courtney walks over to the Vulture banner, joining Heather, Alejandro, and Jo. "Joining the Knights next is Trent!" Trent gets up with a smile and walks over to the Knight banner. "Joining the Vultures next is Duncan!" "Whoa, back up a bit, I have to be on the same team as Princess?!"
"Looks that way, DUNKY." Courtney replies to Duncan's question, smiling evilly. "Not my decision Duncan, fan vote, you tried to play the field in WT, and it blew up in your face, not cool dude." "Fine" Duncan says as he walks over to the Vulture's Banner, defeated.
Confessional, Duncan: (Holding his middle finger up for the camera to see) Fuck you fans! Fuck you for putting me on the same team as my psychotic ex!
"DJ, you join the Knights today!" DJ runs over to the Knights Banner, and High-fives Trent, Bridgette, Lindsay, and Salutes Brick. "According to the Vote, the next competitor to join the Vultures is… Gwen! "WHAT?!" Gwen screams in disbelief, with shocked gasps from several contestants. "How did I end up on the Villain team? I'm no Villain!"
"Actually, the Fans beg to differ… they were already pissed off at you for dumping Trent without giving him time to explain anything, you cheating with Duncan was just the final Nail in your coffin. God, I am LOVING these fan votes! The ratings for this are gonna be insane!" "Yeah, I bet" says Gwen as she walks dejectedly over to the Vulture Banner, joining Courtney and Duncan.
Confessional, Gwen: (sighs sadly) I knew there would be repercussions for cheating with Duncan; I just didn't think it would be THIS bad. I have to be on the same team as Heather AND Courtney! AGAIN! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! (She screams in frustration as she bashes her head against the confessionals wall, then static)
"Ok, this was a close vote, but your Compassion and Love for Sam pushed your vote into hero territory, Dakota, you get to join the knights!" says Chris. Dakota screams in glee, and runs over to the Knights' roster.
"Lightning, you join the Vultures; this was one of the more unanimous votes." Lightning heads over to the Vulture Banner, where Heather is there scowling at him. "What you looking at?" he asks. "Nothing" is Heather's reply.
Confessional, Heather: (Scowling) I'm not exactly ecstatic that Sha-moron is on my team, he prevented me from stealing the million last year! At least he's more athletically competent than Tyler; unfortunately, he's dumb as a stump.
"Dawn, you join the Knights." "Looking forward to having you on the squad Dawn" Brick says as he salutes her. "Likewise" is her reply. "Scott, you join the Vultures by unanimous fan vote" Chris says.
"Fine" Scott says as he walks towards the Vulture Banner, but before he does, he gives Chris the nastiest uppercut of his life. There's silence for a few moments, then loud cheers from every single competitor, plus Blaineley is applauding him. "Thank you, thank you!" Scott says while bowing to his adoring audience.
Confessional, Lindsay: (Shocked) Oh nooo… he
Gwen: (Smiling slyly) … Chris in the face! God, I've wanted to do that for 4 seasons! That's what you get for burying me Alive... TWICE! Ha-Ha! Good on you Scott! (Gwen tries to keep a straight face, but then falls to the confessional floor, laughing hysterically as it Static)
Duncan: (Grinning ear to ear) I like Scott more and more all the time. (Static)
Scott: (Smiling impishly while whittling a piece of wood with his shark tooth necklace) Man, it felt good to finally get that off my chest. That's for feeding me to a man-eating shark you son of a bitch! (Static)
Dawn: While I'm pleased to see Chris get a fraction of what he really deserves, but I'm concerned about what the consequences will be for Scott… (Dawn looks to the side worried, then static)
"You worthless piece of trailer trash! What the hell did I do to deserve that?" Chris asks in indignation. "Do I really need to answer that question? Am I right?" Scott asks to the cheers of everyone else. "Fine! I get the point, but don't think you aren't getting away scot-free for this!"
"Bring it on Mclean! It's not like you can do any worse, I mean you already fed me to a shark…" Scott says as he finally heads over to the Vulture banner, where he gets high-fives from his whole team.
"Ugh… the next person to join the Knights' roster is…Owen!" Chris says, getting up, reeling from Scott's massive punch. "AWESOME!" Owen yells as he runs over to the Knight Banner, high-fiving all his teammates, and saluting his captain, Brick.
"Next up for the Vultures, Ezekiel!" Chris exclaims. Zeke walks by Chris growling as he heads to the Vulture banner. "Ok, sensing plenty of hostility coming from Zeke" "Gee, wonder what gave you that clue, eh Chris?" Zeke replies with Venom in his voice.
"Uh, moving on… joining the Knights next… is Zoey!" "All right Zoey!" Mike says cheering. She runs over to the Knights banner, where she's hugged by Dakota and Dawn. "Next person joining the Vultures, by an extremely narrow margin is Izzy!"
"NOOOO!" Owen screams. "Yay! I'm a vulture!" Izzy exclaims as she skips over to the rest of her team, where groans can be heard from everyone except Zeke.
"Hey, lay off her! She can be a real good asset to have on your team eh?" Zeke says. "We aren't disputing that Zeke, it's the insanity in between that we're worried about" Heather responds. "Oh, I think I can put up with Izzy just fine" Zeke says, putting his arm around Izzy's shoulders.
"Aww, that's so sweet Zeke" Izzy says as she kisses Zeke on the Cheek, causing him to blush. Owen's Eyes narrow at Zeke in Jealousy.
Confessional, Alejandro: It's plainly obvious that Ezekiel is crushing on Izzy, hard. Why? Maybe because of all the time they spent together in the cargo hold, that's gotta be it. (Static)
Owen: So Zeke, you think you're gonna steal my Girlfriend right out from under my nose huh? Well think again! I'll let you have your fun, but she'll be running back to me once I've lost all my weight! (Static)
"Ok, next on the Knight roster is… Sam!" "SAM!" "Hey Dakota! Looks like I'm on your Team!" Sam says as he runs over to Dakota, where she gives him a massive bear hug and makes out with him. "Arrghh! What did I tell you guys about all the love already?!" "Oh sorry Chris… are we taking away from your precious airtime?" asks Dakota sarcastically.
"Ooohhhh…" can be heard from the rest of the cast on either team. Chris finally snaps "THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT! Blaineley, take the rest of the roster, you can handle these BRATS for the rest of the day!" Screams Chris as he stomps out of the Dining hall.
"Nice job Dakota! Not even I've managed to piss off Chris THAT badly, I should warn you guys, Chris still controls the challenges, so expect plenty more pain and suffering for making him mad." "It's not like he can do any worse to us, he turned me into a radioactive freak, Zeke over there into an animal, and Scott into Shark Chum uh, no offense guys." "None Taken" Scott and Zeke reply in unison.
"This is CHRIS MCLEAN we're talking about here; he lives to find new and creative ways to cause us pain" Gwen says. "Good point" says Dakota. "Moving on, joining the Vultures is… Eva." Announces Blaineley. Eva walks over to the Vulture banner with a satisfied smirk on her face.
"The final member of the Knights… is…" Mike and Justin look at each other nervously, seeing who would be picked last. "… MIKE! Justin, that means you go over to the Vulture banner."
Says Blaineley. "Mike…." Says Zoey. "ZOEY!" Mike screams as he wraps Zoey in his arms and makes out with her to the cheers of the rest of his team. Justin walks over to the Vultures, dejected.
"Well, that's the teams, pick up your bags, and head to your cabins, the gold one on the left is the Knights cabin, while the black one on the right is the Vultures cabin. Challenges don't start till tomorrow, so get plenty of rest tonight, you'll need it… and remember the Immunity Idol is in play!"
At the Knights cabin…
Sam and Dakota are making out on Dakota's bed, Brick is making plans for tomorrow, and Bridgette is looking at Tyler and Lindsay feeding each other while looking at each other lovingly with some measure of jealously.
Confessional, Bridgette: Seeing Tyler and Lindsay like that (sign…) makes me wish Geoff was here… love ya babe (Bridgette blows a kiss to the camera as it goes to static)
Trent's on his bed, playing his guitar, making a soulful melody to Gwen, Mike's making out with Zoey. Owen's spying on Izzy with a pair of binoculars, then he heads over to Brick's bunk "Hey Owen, how's it going yo?" Brick asks.
"Alright I guess… Hey could ask you a favor Brick? "Ask away" "See, Izzy says she won't go out with me anymore if I don't lose some weight, could you help me?" "Sure Owen, I can help you out we'll start tomorrow at Dawn."
"You'll help me?! Awesome man! Thank you! Thank You!" Owen says as he gives Brick a massive bear hug. "Uh, Owen you're crushing me!" says Brick. "Sorry man, don't know my own strength" is Owen's reply. DJ's outside admiring the scenery, while Dawn and Scott, and Alejandro and Heather are strolling on the beach, hand in hand.
Confessional, Alejandro: (Signs longingly) I love my Rosa… (Static)
Scott: Man, Dawn is just amazing man, I love her so much, and I know this is cheesy as hell, but she's the Dawn to my Dusk. (He laughs) Told ya it was gonna be cheesy.
In the Vultures cabin…
Izzy is enjoying an intense game of chess with Zeke. "I WIN! I WIN!" she screams as she does a little victory dance on the bed. "You cheated eh!" Zeke protests. "How can you cheat at chess?! Silly Zeke!" she laughs.
Confessional, Zeke: (Signs lovingly) Izzy… is amazing eh… I would do anything for her eh. (Static)
Izzy: Ha-ha! Zeke is sooo CUTE! He's like an adorable little teddy bear, wonder if he likes me? Only time will tell I guess! (Static)
Jo's outside jogging; Eva's lifting her weights while listening to her I-pod, in a little competition with Lightning. Courtney and Gwen are on either side of Duncan, arguing at each other, with Duncan trying to muffle the sound with his pillow, to no avail for their both screaming at the top of their lungs at each other.
Confessional, Duncan: I swear, those two bickering back and forth is gonna be the death of me. (Static)
Finally, Justin's admiring himself in his mirror, when Duncan screams "Hey pretty boy, could you help me out with these 2 harpies, I'll owe you big time, just make them stop!" "Sign… fine girls… over here" Justin says as he pulls his shirt off, causing Gwen and Courtney to stop arguing, and start following Justin around. "Thanks dude, you're all right" Duncan says. "Hey, what are friends for?" Justin responds.
Confessional, Justin: So now Duncan owes me a favor, could come in handy. Justin's back in the game baby!
"Or is he? How will Scott's relationship stand up to the hardships of competition? Will Zeke and Izzy get together? Will Brick and Jo? Will Gwen and Courtney succeed in driving Duncan insane? Who will eventually find the Immunity Idol? And how much pain and agony can I put our all-stars through come challenge time? Find out all the answers to these questions and many more this season on TOTAL… DRAMA… ALL-STARS!" Chris says as the show rolls to credits.
Teams set, Team Honorable Knights (Hero Team): Captain: Brick, Assistant captains: Bridgette and Lindsay, followed by DJ, Owen, Dawn, Tyler, Zoey, Dakota, Mike, Sam, and Trent.
Team Voracious Vultures (Villain Team): Captain: Heather, Assistant captains: Alejandro and Jo, followed by Duncan, Courtney, Gwen, Lightning, Izzy, Zeke, Scott, Eva, and Justin.
Total Drama series and all its Characters are owned by Jennifer Pertsch, Tom McGillis, Fresh TV Productions, and Teletoon.