A/N: OMIGOD! 13 follows already, Holy Cow guys! You just made my day, seriously! I just woke up and checked my mail and there were over 20 new messages from reviews and follows and also on my other stories and I was squeeing and dancing and yelling and happying (is that a verb? Nope), and I'm so glad you liked the first chapter!
Okay, so this is where things get a bit stupid. Lisbon has a secret, and it's already revealed in this chapter. But, you know, it can still be Angsty and Romantic, right? I mean, I didn't say that they were going to spin around that whole secret for the entire story, did I? :D
Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist. I do own the entire Soundtrack of RENT, so I'm good.
You look beautiful when you smile
Scenario two: 'Not so happy revelations'
"Patrick, go away now," whispered Lisbon in Jane's ear. Jane smiled faintly.
Jane nibbled the skin in her neck a little more, causing Lisbon's heart to flutter, before she pushed him away with her arms, that were still quite muscular, despite the fact that she was in bed the entire time.
Jane got out of the bed, and smiled at Lisbon when he stood.
"What are you thinking?" Lisbon asked when Jane didn't move, only looked at her for more than a minute. Though Lisbon loved Jane, this very action – which he performed more than often – scared her a bit. It was so intense, she wasn't used to it.
"Nothing. You're just so beautiful," he said, and Lisbon rolled her eyes.
"That's because the ugly part of my body is covered by the sheets-"
"That's not true, Lisbon. And you know that. Despite all your injuries, because of your injuries, you're still a beautiful woman. My beautiful woman."
Lisbon rolled her eyes, but smiled.
"Now get me some non-healthy snacking. Go," she said, and Jane ran off in his usual 'stupid-Jane' way.
Lisbon smiled, and placed her head back into her pillow.
She loved Jane. It was very clear now.
But she hated herself. He thought she told him everything, but she kept one important thing from him. And she didn't know how she had to tell him, and if she wanted him to know. She just was so scared of it.
Maybe he had already noticed, but decided not to question her about it, because he didn't want to force it.
She turned onto her back with her arms, and let out a loud sigh. She hated her life sometimes. It couldn't once go as she wanted it to go.
"Here you go, one non-healthy chocolate bar for milady," Jane said while dancing into her room. She rolled her eyes, and took the bar from him. She knew the doctors told her not to snack these things, but oh, the temptation. And especially since Jane offered to pay for it. She couldn't resist, now could she? Besides, the medications were making her weak and she sometimes couldn't even lift her arms without help, or without shaking like mad, so some sugar would only be good for her.
She opened the candy wrapper, and started eating the bar. Jane sat down on one of the chairs in the room, and watched as she enjoyed her sugary treat.
"Jane?" started Lisbon suddenly.
"What would you do if I told you that I haven't told you everything yet?"
Jane frowned slightly.
"What do you mean?"
Lisbon swallowed, and hesitated before she continued.
"I... I haven't been completely honest with you. And the doctors and nurses haven't been either."
Jane stood and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"About what, exactly?"
"I'm paralyzed. From my thighs to my feet."
Jane's eyes widened. "What?"
"I can't feel anything in my legs anymore. The reason I start panicking every time you or Loreen check it is because I know how big the wound is, but I can't feel it. Not like I would expect to feel it. And the chance of me walking again is really small."
Jane grabbed her hands, and squeezed them almost painfully, causing her to wince.
"Wh... Why didn't you tell me anything, Teresa?" he asked. Lisbon swallowed, and looked down in almost shame.
"Because you were so angry at yourself. With every cut, scratch, burn, I saw the pain growing bigger. I saw it in your eyes. I didn't want to hurt you more with this-"
"But I wanted to know, Teresa. I asked about your injuries-"
"And these were visible. You think I like the fact that I will probably spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair?"
Jane opened his mouth, but Lisbon squeezed his hand.
"I love to run, kick your ass if needed, but there is a chance I won't do that anymore. I don't like it either, Patrick. But just because we're a couple now doesn't mean that I have to share everything-"
"But you have to share big things like this. I could've helped you, Teresa-"
"With what? You couldn't, and you know that too. You did enough already for me, Patrick. You have no idea what it's like requiring help with everything because you simply can't do these things yourself. I depend on everybody, while I used to only depend on myself. I don't like to be dependant, Patrick."
Jane let go one of Lisbon's hand, and brushed her cheek.
"You should have told me earlier, Teresa. You know I love you, I could've helped you coping."
Lisbon sighed, and closed her eyes. She gently squeezed the hand she was still holding.
"Telling you would mean that it was real. It wasn't just a bad dream, it was reality. I didn't want it to be real. I don't want to live in a wheelchair. Not even one minute."
Jane suddenly pulled her upper body up and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her off the bed.
"Jane, what the hell-"
"Don't say anything now, Teresa," he whispered. They were now standing in the middle of the room, Jane's arms around her waist, and her arms around his neck. He kept her upright, and his heart broke when he noticed she could really not stand on her own, her legs hanging motionless from her body.
"Just like I'm supporting you now, Teresa, I will support you until you don't need it anymore. Walking or not. I don't care. It will be awkward at times, and you will push me away, but I will never leave you. We're gonna get through this, okay? Together. And you're going to tell me everything from now on. No secrets. And I won't have any secrets either."
He felt his shirt wetting, and his heart broke once again.
"Okay. Can you put me back in bed now?" she asked, her voice small. He scooped her up, bride-like, and walked back to her bed. He gently placed her back, covering her legs with the sheets.
He kissed her briefly, and Lisbon almost whimpered.
He went to walk away, but Lisbon grabbed one of his hands. "Don't leave me."
"I won't leave you behind. I will be back, Teresa. Try to rest," he whispered, and she nodded.
"Where's Loreen?" asked Jane when he walked into the bullpen of the hospital. He didn't exactly have another name for it. The space where all the nurses sat behind their computers if they weren't with patients.
One of the nurses pointed at the waiting area, and Jane smiled a forced smile at her.
"Thank you," he said, and walked into the waiting area. Loreen was on the phone with somebody, and hearing the tone of her voice, she was talking to a young child. Odd, he hadn't figured her to be a mother.
He came to stand in front of her, his hands crossed on his chest. She sighed when she saw Jane.
"Sweetie, I have to go now. But I will bring raspberry muffins with me on my way home, okay? Bye, love you."
She put her phone in the pocket of her pants, and then looked at Jane.
"Daughter of my sister. She dumps her with me even when she knows I have to work."
"Why are you here, Patrick? Is something wrong with Teresa-"
"No. I just want to know what happened to her."
Loreen stood up, and frowned.
"Why? You know what happened-"
"No, I don't. I know she was in a plane that crashed. And that she had some minor injuries as well as bigger ones."
"But I didn't know she was paralyzed."
Loreen froze. Obviously the doctors and nurses hadn't planned on telling him, just like Lisbon had told him. She averted her eyes to briefly look at her colleagues, before she looked back at him. Jane knew that he looked more than just a bit angry. He expected people to tell him things about Lisbon, but it turned out even Lisbon wasn't honest with him. He already suspected that, but the confirmation hurt.
"Did... did Teresa tell you?"
Jane nodded. "I'm only curious as to why you didn't tell me. I could've helped-"
"Patrick, please. It's obvious that you love her. And the wound in her leg already hurt for you to see. Something this big-"
"Should be told, Loreen."
"Teresa asked us not to tell you and your team."
Jane sighed. "And you listen to her?"
"Of course we do. She's the patient, we do as she wants. And we want to make her feel as comfortable as possible here."
Loreen turned and left Jane. He ran after her.
"How is it that she's paralyzed, Loreen?"
Loreen stopped again, and sighed.
"Something hit her head. We don't know yet what, but it hit her just that hard to damage the nerves going from and to her legs. The coma didn't help with that."
"Will she be able to walk again?"
Loreen sighed again.
"We're not sure. We have to await further test results."
"What do you think?"
"I'm sorry, Patrick, but I don't think she will. But Teresa is strong and determined. Perhaps she will be able to walk short distances eventually."
Jane ran a hand through his hair, letting out a frustrated sigh. "Okay. Thank you, Loreen."
"Anytime," she said, and continued her way to the nurses' bullpen.
Jane sighed almost desperately again, and walked back to Lisbon's room. She was already asleep, but not a restful sleep. Then again, she could never really sleep well if he wasn't around.
He sat down on a chair next to her bed, and held her hand. Her facial expression immediately went softer, and she rested just a bit.
Making her happy would be even more difficult when it hurt for him too.
He hadn't been here before. He wasn't used to loving a woman who wasn't entirely healthy. It shouldn't be a problem, he should be even more determined to make her happy, but it was a problem and it did hurt.
Angela had been healthy. She didn't have a flaw. Yet she'd passed away.
And now Teresa, who had been healthy once but was not anymore. Of course, she didn't have a terminal disease which could pull her away from him forever, but it scared him. He had lost her once already, and when he'd found her again he made clear never to lose her out of sight again. He was scared, really scared. He didn't know how to adapt to this. God, how much he wanted to hear what would be the best reaction.
He brushed a strand of hair out of Lisbon's face, and she faintly opened her eyes, indicating she wasn't really asleep but dozing.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, almost inaudible. Jane stared at her for a few moments as he saw tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry for not telling you, Patrick."
Jane stood and bowed down immediately to place a kiss on her forehead.
"I thought you would tell me everything-"
"I did too," came her whispered reply. Jane let out a sigh, and knew he wasn't angry at her. Disappointed, maybe, but not angry. He couldn't be angry at her.
"I'm really sorry," Lisbon whimpered again, this time even lower than before, and Jane bowed down again to kiss her tears away.
"I'm not angry at you, Teresa. I... I don't know how to live with this either, don't forget that. I've never been here... But I'll make you happy, no matter what. You have to know that you're not alone. Never ever are you alone. I'll be here, whenever you need it, even if you don't want me to be there."
He paused, sighing and kicked off his shoes again, laying down beside her.
"Don't be sad, Teresa. This is not the end of the world. We still have each other," Jane whispered, and that caused Lisbon to move even closer, and she buried her face in the crook of his neck.
"I love you, my dear," Jane whispered in her hair, and Lisbon let out a sound close between a whimper and a sigh of relief.
"I love you too," Lisbon whispered, and Jane held her until he felt her body relaxing, sleep taking over his little firecracker.
She was so weak like this, all helpless and sad. She was not the woman he fell in love with. Perhaps that woman was left on the plane that day and he wasn't getting her back. But he could always try.
Maybe this was for the best. Maybe this would bring them closer than they already were.
These eight years were nothing. This was the real thing, this was a test for their love.
And Jane would definitely do everything to keep it in place. For this was the woman he loved with everything he had.
A/N: Hmm... Yeah... I tried to do a lot of research on the paralyzing part, but there were so many different ways of becoming paralyzed so I just decided that this was the most logical one. I'm sorry if it's getting ridiculous now, but, you know, everybody on board of that plane died except for our Lisbon, so it wouldn't be logical if she had only a few scratches, now would it?
And it's getting a bit more personal, since I had to be in a wheelchair too for a week, which was absolutely crap and hell so I know what Lisbon is feeling. Yet I had 'only' dislocated my kneecap, so it wasn't as severe as Lisbon, but I still know it a bit. I mean, it's not fun at all not to able to walk properly. I had to walk with crutches and that's TOUGH; my arms were sour the entire day. Not fun. NOT fun. But yeah, I wasn't paralyzed so I can't really know what Lisbon must be feeling.
But, anyways, let me know what you think in a REVIEW, thank you, it will be highly appreciated, really!