A/N: This is back in Katniss's POV
I wake up to the sound of a loud crash downstairs. Startled I sit upright quickly. My hands flies to the empty spot next to me.
"Peeta?" My fingers curl around the empty sheets as a slight feeling of dread fills me. The moonlight shines through the window illuminating the room slightly. I slide out of bed carefully and make my way down the stairs. I find Peeta in the kitchen trying to clean up a broken plate. "Peeta?" His head snaps up, his blue eyes dull.
"Mutt," he growls under his breath. I shake my head as I approach him. "Katniss don't. I - I'm losing, it.." his voice shakes as he speaks.
"Shh, Peeta," I say calmly as I approach him. I bend down next to him and find his hands covered with blood from the broken shards of glass. I take them in my hand and feel them violently shaking. I look up to his eyes to find his pupils dilating as he fights the memories. He pushes me backwards knocking me into the cabinets.
"You killed my family!" He yells at me standing over me. I avoid shrieking back, and letting him know he's scaring me.
"No, Peeta. The Capitol killed your family." I say calmly holding both my hands outward as I get to my feet, my back aching from the impact. He takes the opportunity to knock me into the wall his arm tight against my neck. "Peeta.." I breathe out trying to pull his arm away.
"You'll kill my child just like you killed them!" He shouts in my face. I glance down at my stomach that had only a slight bump.
"No, Peeta. I would never." Tears sting my eyes threatening to spill over. I wriggle away from him making my way to the other side of the kitchen. "Please listen to me, Peeta." I notice him shaking violently even from a distance.
"You're going to kill him! Why'd I let you be the mother of my child!?" His words hit me painfully. I know it's only his hijacked state saying this, but it still hurts. Especially after when we decided to have a baby he said he didn't want a child with anyone else. It feels almost like he's taking all that back now. He grabs another plate and throws it at the floor.
"Peeta, I would never hurt our child. I love her - or him already. Love him just as much as I love you," I try reasoning with him with little success.
"No! You never loved me! I gave you everything, and you killed my family and you'll do the same with my child!" He turns and runs out the door.
"Peeta! Wait!" I don't bother with putting shoes on as I run after him outside. I see him running down the street and now exactly where he's going. I take a deep breath willing the tears not to fall. He's not Peeta. Not right now. I have to tell myself this over and over and yet it doesn't lessen the way his words felt.
I make it to the bakery quite quickly, my bare feet stinging from the rough ground.
"Peeta?" I find him in the corner of the bakery with his face buried in his still bleeding hands. I walk over to him and rest my hand gently on his upper arm. "Peeta, look at me. Please?" His muscles under my hand are hard and rigid, and shaking.
"Katniss...please...go." He struggles getting the words out.
"No. I'm not leaving you," I state simply. He shakes his head.
"Go...I don't...want...to hurt...you." The pain in his voice is evident.
"I promised you I'd stay with you, just like you promised me. So, stay with me Peeta." I urge hoping this will get through to him. His fingers curl tightly into his blonde curls almost pulling it.
"I - I want to, but - I c - can't fight it." The way he fights to get his words out pains me. Peeta who could move a whole country into rebellion with words unable to speak. A tear slips out of my eyes without my permission.
"I have to fix your hands Peeta. You cut them up, please let me," I whisper and he lets his hair go removing his hands from his face. I grab a towel from the counter behind him and wipe the blood from his hands off his face. His pupils have swallowed up most of his iris's making his eyes look cold and dark instead of their normal warm, loving, and bright look. I stand up wetting the towel and grabbing the first aid kit.
"K - Katniss. I don't know how much longer I can fight it. I - I'm so tired." His head drops as he looks sadly at his lap. The scene all of breaks my heart. "I'm - I'm just a Capitol mutt," he says.
"No you're not," I say as a kneel beside him again taking his hands in mine. "Don't say that, Peeta." I feel the tears threatening to spill again.
"Then what am I?" He looks up at me his face a mask of sadness and desperation.
"You're my boy with the bread, you're my dandelion, and you're the sweetest more caring most amazing person in all of Panem. All of this isn't your fault, and don't you dare say it is. It's Snow's fault," I say as I work on his hands. I feel his eyes watching me work.
"I love you, Katniss..." I look up at this and see him looking at our hands. I lean over kissing his cheek.
"I love you, too. We'll get through this."
"My dreams, they're just...they keep...they're..." He stops speaking his hands balling into fists in my hands.
"Peeta. Not real. It's not real." I try to pry his fingers open as I assure him that whatever he's seeing is not real, and never will be.
"Mutt! You stay away from my child!" He pushes me away from him as he scrambles to his feet.
"Peeta I would never ever hurt our child, I - "
"Don't say 'our child'. You don't deserve a child!" Bam. Those words leave me sitting on the floor speechless as he runs out of the bakery. I know I should run after him, but I can't get myself to move. I find myself pulling my knees to myself as I let my tears spill over. I know it's hijacked Peeta speaking, but he's right. I don't deserve a child. What was I thinking? I've already slipped away once, I can do it again, and as I've learned it doesn't take much.