so this is the last chapter, thank you to everyone who stuck with this story and reviewed, it meant a lot.
As for a sequel i might do one but i wouldn't count on it just yet, sorry :/
She didn't really remember much from before, it was like a foggy dream she was waking up from to see Puck standing in front of her.
"How you doing kid?"
"Yea, fine" Rachel mumbled, her voice husked as she tried to remember anything after leaving Quinn's house "Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital, Rachel. You haven't spoken to anyone since you got here"
"What? Why, what happened?"
"You had a break down the day Quinn left. You went home and called your sister, she though you were gonna.." Puck stopped, making a slight chocked up noise and that made Rachel's chest hurt. She'd never, and never thought she would, saw Puck cry before "Fuck, Rachel. You had us all terrified"
"No, it's ok. I love you, alright. And just because you're in this town alone doesn't mean you are alone, ok? Either one of us is just phone call away"
Rachel nodded, her mind still foggy and jumbled "Where's Ellie?"
"New York. She wanted to stay but couldn't. She'll be back soon though. Quinn to, she on her way now"
"Really?" Rachel asked, the corner of her lips twitching into a smile.
"Yea, really. Marley was here yesterday, you remember?"
"No, is she ok?"
"Yea, just worried sick"
"I don't want people to worry about me"
"You're in a mental hospital, Rachel. We're gonna worry"
"Sir, a young woman is here claiming she is Miss Berry's girlfriend. Miss Berry is only aloud one visitor at a time right now so I am going to have to ask you to leave"
Puck nodded, pressing his lips against Rachel's head "Love you, kid"
"Love you too"
Puck smiled, getting to his feet and leaving.
Rachel sighed, getting to her feet and sitting up on the windowsill. Why couldn't she remember anything?
"Rach?" Quinn mumbled, tentatively walking into the room.
"Hey. Don't worry, I won't hurt you. I'm not that kind of crazy"
Quinn smiled, shaking her head lightly "How're you?"
"Fine. The week has dragged in though" Rachel said, trying to act like she had any kind of prospect of time though, truthfully, she didn't think she'd been in here more than a few days
"A week? Rachel you've been in here a month and a half " Quinn said, frowning as she sat in the bed
"Yea. What's the last thing you remember? Anything over this past month and a half?"
Rachel tried to think, running her hands over her face before tangling them in her hair and pulling slightly "N-no. I don't- why can't I remember anything?"
"Hey, shh. It's ok, you're..."
"No" Rachel warned, holding up her hand to stop Quinn talking "Don't tell me that I'm fine because I know I'm not!"
"What?" Quinn frowned, looking at the brunette.
"I just- you're the one person that I'm trust to say 'well shit, Rachel, aren't you just a little batshit crazy'"
"You are a little batshit crazy but that doesn't mean you aren't fine"
"I just- I don't feel..."
"Hey" Quinn mumbled softly, getting off the bed and walking over to Rachel and put her hands on the girls cheeks "What is it?"
"Please" Rachel whispered, her voice cracking slightly as she tried to stop herself from crying "Please just- just fix me. Please"
"I can't fix you and I cant fix your problems, Rachel. but I promise you won't be facing them alone"
"I-I need you, Quinn. Please tell me you need me too? At least just a little bit?"
"Jesus, Rachel. You have no idea how much I need you!" Quinn breathed, wrapping her arms around Rachel's neck, her heart cracking a little more when Rachel began sobbing into her neck.
"I so scared, Quinn. I can't- I don't know what's happening to me" Rachel choked out, sobbing louder into the blondes neck "I'm really scared"
"Shh" Quinn hushed, her eyes filling with tears as she ran her hand up and down Rachel's back "I know you are, Labrat. I know. I'm scared to but we're gonna get through this"
"I don't- I don't wanna drag you down, Quinn. You have to concentrate on your school work. Maybe we..."
"Don't you dare. I know what you're thinking so don't!" Quinn warned, sniffing as she pulled back to look at Rachel "I will concentrate on school but I will be here for you too. If I fail, school will always be there the year after but you might not be"
"I broke a promise" Rachel whispered, looking down at her hands.
"When I got home the day you left I though about- I had the pills in my hand"
A sob wrecked its way though Quinn's body as she left her head rest against Rachel's shoulder.
"I'm so sorry"
"No, don't. Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Besides you didn't..." Quinn stopped when Rachel ducked you head "You did?" Quinn wheezed out, a fresh round of tears spilling from her eyes and she ran her hands over her face.
"I can't remember exactly. It's kind if foggy. I don't remember anything after lying on the sofa other then Ellie grabbing my face and then it's all blank until I saw Noah today"
"Why hasn't anyone told me this!" Quinn hissed, not towards Rachel or anyone really.
"I'm glad you didn't know"
"If you knew you might not have been able to concentrate on school"
"Fuck school, Rachel. You are my main priority!"
"This is your dream school, Quinn. I couldn't handle it if I was the reason you got kicked out"
Quinn sighed "I know. I just- I don't know. I want to go back because, you know, it's Yale but I don't because I'm terrified that if I leave, that will be the last time I ever see you"
"I-I was out of it the day you left. My head was messed up, it won't happen again"
"What happens the next time something messes your head up?"
"I'll call you. Or my sister. Or Noah"
"Do my promises mean anything anymore? After breaking one?"
"Well it's all I have so yes, they mean something"
"How long are you aloud to be here for?"
"'til seven so I think I have a couple of minutes. I wasn't aloud to bring my watch or anything in with me"
Rachel nodded, turning to dangle her legs off the side of the windowsill and nudged her head to signal for the girl to walk over.
Quinn didn't think twice about walking over and standing in between Rachel's legs, resting her hands on her thighs as Rachel placing her hands on Quinn's cheeks
"I'm going to try my hardest to get better Quinn, I promise"
"I know you will, Labrat. And you'll be back to your semi-crazy self in no time"
Rachel smiled, squeezing her eyes closed and pressing her lips against Quinn's. There wasn't much to the kiss, just a pressing together of lips but that's what Rachel needed right now.
"Ma'am, visiting time is over" one of the doctors said, peeking her head in the door.
Quinn sighed, resting her head against Rachel's "Ok" she breathed, pulling back after pecking Rachel on the lips again "Four weeks and I'll be back for two weeks before going to Yale for the start of the school year"
"I love you"
"I love you, too. Always" Quinn smiled, pulling Rachel into a hug before turning and leaving the room.
Rachel looked around the room, finding it hard to believe that this felt like that first time she was seeing everything if she'd been in there for a month and a half.
"Miss Berry. How're you feeling?"
"I wanna call my sister"
"Yes. My sister"
The doctor nodded "Follow me"
"Do you have her number, I can't remember it?"
"We do. I'll just go grab it" the doctor disappeared to the office and emerged with a piece of paper "Please try and hurry up. I'm not supposed to let you use the phone after seven"
Rachel nodded, punching in the number on the paper and trapped the receiver between her ear and shoulder.
"Hello?" Ellie murmured and Rachel could tell just by her voice she was exhausted.
"Rach?" Ellie said, her voice much brighter than before "Jesus, kid. How're you?"
"Confused. And I feel like you're the one person who can tell me everything that happened" Rachel whispered, leaning her head against the cool wall.
"You sure you're ready for that?"
"I need it, El. I don't remember anything from the last month and a half and I don't know what I've done and it's scary"
"Nothing? You don't remember anything?"
"No" Rachel mumbled, the limb in her throat coming back "I thought I'd been in here for less than a week but Quinn said I've been in here a month and a half"
"You have, kid"
"Why am I in here?"
"Well the day Quinn left you went home and called me at Natalie's you were saying that mom dying wasn't entirely your fault but daddy dying was. I knew just by your voice that there was something wrong and then you starting saying about how if you were never born daddy would still be alive and mum might be to. Then you started saying that if you weren't alive dad and I would be happier and that's when I told Natalie to call the police and I started driving home. I tried to talk to you all the way home but you went away from the phone, I don't know we're you went but when I got home you were..." Ellie stopped and Rachel could hear her trying to swallow the lump in her throat "You were passed out on the sofa with dads sleeping pills box in your hand. I, uh, I didn't know what to do" Ellie said and Rachel could tell her sister was crying now so Rachel couldn't help but cry to because that's just what happens when your older sibling cries "You were so pale and cold. I called an ambulance and then I just sat there next to you, I felt so helpless because I thought you were gonna die and I couldn't do anything about it. You're my baby sister and I could do anything"
"Stop it" Rachel breathed, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
"When the ambulance came they had you hooked up to an IV before you'd even got to the hospital. You didn't wake up for two days and even then you didn't speak. You didn't even look at dad and I, you looked so distant, like you were so far inside your head that you would never come out. I was terrified that you'd be like that forever and I wanted to stay but I had to go to early classes in New York so dad made me leave. I'll be home in a week though and I'll come see you everyday until I got back to school"
"When will I get out of here?"
"I don't know, kid. Once you're better I guess"
"How do I get better?"
Ellie was silent for a couple of second before speaking "I wish I knew what to tell you, sweetie. I feel like I should be able to help you but this is all down to you"
"Miss Berry, I'm sorry but you have to hang up in the next minute"
Rachel nodded "I've gotta go, El"
"Ok, but look after yourself, kid. You'll be out of there in no time"
"I hope so. Bye El"
"Love you, kid" Ellie said before hanging up.
Rachel sighed, placing the phone back on the hook and resting her head against the wall.
"Are you alright, Miss Berry?" Rachel nodded, drawing in a shaky breath before turning and heading back to her room.
She smiled when she saw a gray hoodie on her bed with 'Yale' printed on it. She couldn't even remember Quinn leaving it but she didn't thing twice about pulling it on and wrapping her arms around herself.
September 31st 2013
I know I haven't written in of these in almost two months but I had a bit of a break down and this is the doctors just allowing me to have sharp things like pencils in my room.
I know you probably think its no surprise that I'm a little crazy but I'm getting out tonight so I must be better. Or less crazy than last month which isn't exactly hard.
My dads on his way with Ellie. I can't wait to see my sisters, I haven't seen her for about three weeks.
I haven't seen Quinn in a month but she's at Yale, which is her dream school, and that makes me happy, I think.
Everyone else has come to see me. Santana, Brittany, Sam, Puck, Marley and even Kitty which was a little strange but surprisingly I was happy to see her. She spoke to me different than the rest of them did, she was a little less cautious and that's kinda what I needed, you know? It kinda made me feel human again.
The doctors here are nice, patronizing but nice. They said that I'm Schizophrenic, which I thought was what serial killers were and it is but the doctor explained how there are all different types and severities of the illness. He said that mines isn't the most sever that he'd seen but it still wasn't something to laugh at. The doctors I'd saw before never said that. They just said I was anxious and depressed and the doctor here said that that's what caused them to give me the wrong kind of medication so this wasn't my fault, I was kind of enviable.
I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. I mean I'm happy that I'm finally getting the right medication and they've been working but I'm also sad that I have this illness but I think I can deal with it.
I'd better go and finish putting my things in my bag before my dad picks me up. Bye.
She pulled on her Yale hoodie and sat in the edge of the bed waiting for her dad to come.
The one good, maybe even bad, thing about the medication is that she doesn't think too much. After a few minute of thinking her brain just seems to turn off and she guesses that, right now, it's good but she wasn't sure how it would be when she was back to school.
Rachel blinked, bringing her attention back to reality and looked at the person who'd spoken too her.
A smile spread across her lips when she was Ellie standing in front of her, jumping off the bed and wrapping her arms around her sister "Nice sweater but I got you an NYU one and we're better than Yale" Ellie teased and Rachel grinned, just happy to see her sister "Dads outside signing some stuff, you ready to go?"
"Yea, I have everything packed" Rachel grabbed her case and notebook.
"Nothing. Just something the school councilor told me to do"
"Can I see?"
"No" Rachel said simply, walking out of the room.
"Let me take that" her dad said, kissing the top of her head before grabbing her case.
Rachel and Ellie followed their dad to the car "Shotgun" Rachel called, grinning at her sister over her shoulder and skipping round to the passenger side.
Ellie growled, not used to Rachel wanting to be in the front seat because she never did before.
"What a dork" Ellie murmured as she got into the backseat.
"Are you glad to be out, Rachel?" Her dad asked, looking over at his daughter.
"So glad. I missed simple things like my bed and my pajamas"
"Well we're glad to have you back"
"When're you going back to New York?"
"How is college?"
Ellie looked kind of shocked by the question but nodded anyway "Good, it's different from school. Better"
"That's good. And you're classes?"
"Well they haven't really started but I think they'll be good"
Rachel nodded as they pulled up outside the house and Rachel instantly smiled at the site of Puck's and Santana's car.
She hoped out the car before it had ever stopped and headed into the house, within seconds there was a set of arms wrapped around her waist.
Brittany picked her up and spun her around making Rachel laugh.
"There's our favorite little psychopath" Santana teased, hugging Rachel when Brittany put her down.
Then Marley hugged her, then Puck, Kitty, Sam and Jake. Apparently he was over her being a bitch.
Rachel smiled, turning to sit on the sofa but stopped short when she saw Quinn sitting there "Quinn?"
"Yup" Quinn said but before she could stand up Rachel had already tackled her into a hug on the sofa "Hi to you to" Quinn chuckled, smiling when Rachel pulled back and pushed their lips together.
"Ok, ladies, you have company don't forget" Santana teased making Rachel pull back and grin at Quinn.
"You look better since the last time I saw you. More there if you get me? You were pretty out of it when I was visiting"
"I feel better. I really do"
Rachel looked down at her hoodie and smiled "Yea, thank you"
"Still not better than the one I got you. NYU" Ellie said and Quinn rolled her eyes.
"Put the football game on" Puck said, pushing the girls legs off the sofa and sitting down "Preseason. Giants and Cowboys"
"Yea, lets watch the Cowboys kick as Giants asses" Marley said, hitting Puck in the back of the head and sitting on the armchair.
Rachel smiled as Quinn wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her close against her, dipping her head until her lips were next to Rachel's ear "You're the love of my life, you know?"
Rachel turned her head, letting her nose brush lightly against Quinn's "You're the love of my life too. Forever"
"Forever" Quinn agreed, pushing hair back behind Rachel's ears and leaving her palm on the brunettes cheek.
Rachel grinned, pushing forward to press her lips against Quinn.
"Jesus, control yourselves. Hormonal teens" Kitty tutted, rolling her eyes playfully.
Rachel just resting her head again Quinn's shoulder, smiling when the blonde pressed a lingering kiss on her head before leaning her cheek on her hair.
She wasn't cured, probably never really would be but she knew it wasn't going to be as bad before.
'So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.'