Premature Senescence

Klaus Schilling


The Rating PG-13
Disclaimer: iDon't Own Zoey 101 or any other of the shows or works of arts used for this story.
Abstract:

Genres include Science fiction, family, friendship, fluff

The story occurs in the identified universe of a huge variety of current or past live action shows produced for Nickelodeon channel, including, but not restricted to, Victorious, Zoey 101, The iCarly Show, Drake & Josh, How To Rock, Big Time Rush, Unfabulous, Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, True Jackson VP, Supah Ninjas, House Of Anubis, Just Jordan … and makes heavy use of a variety of members of their casts.

Thorough familiarity with the episodes and main and side characters of Zoey 101, is desirable, but as a basic prerequisite, everything necessary to know in order to be able to follow this story is found on the usual spoiler sites like Wikipedia.

As for the timeline: The story takes off after the end of the canon of Zoey 101.

The canon of Drake & Josh, Unfabulous, and Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide are also considered completed at that point.

The iCarly Show is in its early second season.

True Jackson VP are in early first season.

The Troop, Bigtime Rush, Victorious, Supah Ninjas, and htr have not yet started.

Summary:

One of Quinn's inventions turns out to cause unusually fast aging of the human organism.

Is it possible to find a counter medication before it is too late?
Couples include:


Acknowledgements:

The story is written for LiveJournal-Community Tamingthemuse, prompt That which does not kill us makes us old and cranky before our time.


Contents


Chapter 1 Pilot
1.1 Senior Year
1.2 101 Brenner Hall
1.3 Breakfast
1.4 Gaudeamus Igitur
1.5 Shelby Marx
1.6 Ashley Blake
1.7 James Garrett
1.8 148 Maxwell Hall
Chapter 2 Race Against Time
2.1 Quinn's Work
2.2 Shelby In The Gym
2.3 Espionage
2.4 The White House
2.5 Michael's Despair
2.6 Emergency! Paging Doctor Glazer!
2.7 Polycapsicin
2.8 Mindy's Intervention
2.9 Geek Reunion
2.10 Takato
Chapter 3 Finale

Chapter 1 Pilot

1.1 Senior Year

Sunrise at Malibu Beach …

The campus of Pacific Coast Academy, the most renowned and elitarian boarding school of Los Angeles County, was bathed in a flood golden morning light, making the night wither away like nobody's business.

The school was opening its gates for yet another academic year.

This would be the last one for the seniors of Pacific Coast Academy, and so they would try to cherish every moment.

One of the senior girls was nerdy Quinn Pensky. Born in Seattle in the state of Washington, she had been at Pacific Coast Academy since her eighth grade, which happened to be the year in which the school had gone coeducational, after some long struggle. Thus she was one of the first female students of this noble educational institution.

During her life at Pacific Coast Academy, Quinn had invented many extremely useful things, although usually not without side effects. Her discoveries spread across fields as diverse as nuclear technology, medicine, genetic engineering, electronics, … Actually there would have been too much to mention.

Unfortunately, Quinn Pensky had suffered a lot from hanging out with the wrong kids, boys and girls lacking her extreme endeavour for scientific progress both in theory and practice, especially with her unworthy boyfriend Logan Reese, a disgusting coxcomb whose father owned at least one third of Hollywood. She had been caught off guard by him after she had been trashed by her previous boyfriend, Mark del Figgalo, a really boring guy after all. This decadence had caused her to neglect her research activity for the sake of degenerating into a social butterfly. But Logan Reese was not the only cause of her mental downfall.

Her room mates Zoey Brooks and especially Lola Martinez had not been quite innocent there. They had become room mates two years ago. Before that point, Quinn had booked a single room, giving her enough space to perform her experiments and ponder about her breathtaking theories.

Zoey was a blond Mary Sue from Louisiana,[1:1] particularly gifted as a fashion designer, but also a caring elder sister for Dustin, younger by four years.

Gloria Victoria de la Vega y Martinez,[1:2] commonly known as Lola, was a fledgling Hollywood starlet, dreaming of hitting the halls of fame of Hollywood at a fairly young age.

Quinn's mental decay had resulted in a lot of half-baked inventions getting abandoned instead of improved and fixed. Some of them were more dangerous than others …

1.2 101 Brenner Hall

Even for this year, Zoey, Lola, and Quinn were sharing a dormitory room at Pacific Coast Academy, videlicet 101 Brenner Hall. Thus Zoey and Lola would have spent their whole high school life in there.

Another thing that had not changed ever since was the dormitory adviser, chubby and messy Coco Wexler, a woman of thirty years stuck in a mutually abusive relationship with Coach Carl Bubba[1:3] of the school's baseball team. She was particularly addicted to fat and spicy Italian food, such as ravioli.

But a few things had changed drastically:

Zoey Brooks was in a really stinky mood for several reasons.

One of them because Quinn had abused Dustin for very vile purposes. The coxcomb and the corrupted geek girl had tried to hide their blasphemous relationship even from their closest friends. In order to achieve this, they had hired fake prom dates. Quinn's victim had been Dustin, while Logan's had been one Stacey Dillsen, the most unpopular of the girls of their grade.

During the whole summer break, Dustin had been feeling very depressed for having been abused in such a shameless manner. Zoey had even taken him to Hawaii in order to relieve his emotional pains. She had been working there as a baywatch for Hotel Chambrolay.[1:4] This should have been a sort of early honeymoon with her boyfriend Chase Bartholomew Matthews. But her worries about her little brother were too strong to leave him behind like that.

But even the lovely beach of Hawaii and hula girls trying to cheer up Dustin had not done the trick.

This academic yeear, Dustin would have to go to psychotherapy, and there was not yet a competent shrink at Pacific Coast Academy.

Zoey was thus rigged and ready to drop any contact with Quinn, although she had been one of the culprit for the geek girl's decadence. The Mary Sue had already asked Coco for a new room, and the only choise appeared to be Stacey Dillsen. Zoey did not really like that girl, and thus she had tried to avoid the switch by waiting patiently for Quinn's apology, but it was in vain. Now she got her belongings together again, after having spent an hour with arranging her dresses and tops in the appropriate closets, in order to move in with the unpopular girl. In addition, she had to ask Chase for forgivenness because their summer vacations had not been as expected.

Now it was all Lola and Quinn in this room.

The Hollywood starlet was arranging her cosmetic articles, while Quinn was sorting her test tubes. Unfortunately, neither of them were very careful.

Lola was whistling a merry tune while trying her brand new Cologne. She smiled while she inhaled the sweet scent of the liquid, imagining how much more attractive she would turn this way. Her good looks, outfits, and cosmetics were — at least so she guessed — the key to her career as an actress for a main rôle in a soap opera for young adults. What she had not noticed: She had not applied her Cologne, but one of Quinn's experimental liquids that happened to stand next to it in the shelf.

Quinn was consternated when she noticed what Lola had done. "You have not incorporated my new elixir, have you?"

Lola stammered, "Incopulated? What?"

Quinn suspired. "Incorporated … like … sniffling or even drinking the stuff."

Lola went pale. "If I had done such a thing … what … would it be … supposed to do?"

Quinn replied, "I am working on an accelerater for the growth of cattle, in order to fight hunger in third world countries."

Lola smiled. "Oh, it is only supposed to work for bulls and pigs?"

Quinn coughed. "I am afraid …. the substance would not outright kill you, but it will cause you to age prematurely. It has not yet been tested, so I can't say how strong it is really."

Lola went as pale as only possible. "If Quinn is right, I can forget about a career as a young adult star actress and switch to theatre for grandpas and grandmas." Or so she thought to herself.

Zoey was consternated because Quinn had been careless enough to leave one more of her "quinnventions" somewhere in the toilets. "You have already thought about a counter medication, just in case, right?"

Quinn stammered, "honestly, I …"

Zoey grabbed Quinn's collar and glared at her with killer eyes. Now it was so obvious that the blond Nary Sue needed to leave this insane place before it was too late. She decided not to wait for calling the boys, especially Chase, to help her with the luggage, and she started overloading herself in order to get away right now at any cost.

Lola and Quinn were now only able to here rumours in the hallway, probably because Zoey was crashing left and right. But they could not care any less.

Quinn promised to work as soon as possible on an elixir neutralising and reversing the effects of the fatal ssubstance Lola had mistaken for a Cologne.

1.3 Breakfast

Stacey and Zoey had finally entered the cafeteria. This had not been easy, as Zoey had got so much stuff to accomodate in her new room, and it had to be gathered from the corridor. But now they were looking for Chase Bartholomew Matthews, who was probably going to be accompanied by his long term friends Logan Reese and Michael Barret.

At the same time, Lola and Quinn had already accomodated at some table, waiting for their boyfriends Vince Blake and Logan Reese.

Lola was not only concerned about her career as a star in young adult comedy shows, but even more about her boyfriend. Quarterback Vince was certainly — or so she imagined not without lots of reason — not wanting a girlfriend that looked already like a shriveled raisin when he was just in his early twenties. "But now I have a date with this raspberry doodle cake!" The extremely pretty Latina grabbed her favourite sweet snack, ready to swallow it in one piece.

Looking sternly at her room mate, Quinn shook her head. "Sorry, Quinn, you have to be very careful what to eat."

Lola looked aghast. "What do you mean?"

Quinn remarked that certain foods almost certainly accelerate the effect of her aging accelerator.

Lola squeaked noisily, sdisgusted by the thought. "That is not only valid for food for pigs and cows?"

Quinn shook her head. "Basically, food for livestock contains constituents that are also contained in human food, just in different combinations."

Lola almost puked, as she could not handle the thought of having always eaten basically the same things as the bulls and hogs, just looking nicer and smelling sweeter.

Quinn started explaining the connections in a scientifically detailled and more appropriate manner, but it was not really understandable for an extreme dummy like Lola Martinez.

Vince qwas about to enter the cafeteria, which Lola noticed via his reflections in the window. "Vince is coming … Am I already looking old and rotten?"

Quinn shook her head. "I don't think that it has already kicked in."

Lola sighed for relief and started whistling merrily, but sheknew that this would soon be quite different. She knew that Quinn was working on an antidote for her invention, but until that one was found, Vince would probably have deemed her too ugly for his purposes and have left her for one of the cheerio girls.

Vince sat down next to Lola. "Hi queen of my heart!"

Lola smiled sweetly, but she was not sure for how much longer she would be able to do so. "Hi!" She smooched the angle of his mouth.

Logan, Chase, and Michael stumbled in as well.

Zoey preferred to wait until Logan had been dropped off by his room mates at Quinn's table. She was by absolutely no means willing to face the disgusting coxcomb.

Chase saw Logan walk up to his girlfriend's table, and he turned away quickly. There he stumbled into Zoey. "Oh, hi, Zoey, is it true that you want to talk to me about the messed up summer break?"

Zoey nodded sadly. "Yeah, I am so sorry, but Dustin has been such a mess, as of recent."

Case nodded solemnly. "I have heard so, although I don't yet understand why. But what is Vincent Blake doing at Quinn's and Lola's table?"

Vincent Blake had once been expelled from Pacific Coast Academy after having beaten up Chase Bartholomew Matthews and his friends Michael, Logan, and Mark. The reason for this violent action had been the fact that Chase had denounced Vince for having cheated in a history test. As a result. Vincent Blake had been suspended and forced to miss out on an essential football match that could have made him unforgettable.

But during Chase's absence, Vince had been readmitted to Pacific Coast Academy by Dean Carl Rivers, as he had appeared to be a totally different boy. This had first convinced Lola into dating him, and then Chase's remaining friends had forgiven him too, one by one. Zoey explained this.

But Chase was by no means convinced. "So, you fell into my back durimg my absence?"

Zoey shook her head. "Hey, Vince is not as bad as you think." Alas, her words fell like silent rain drops.

Chase stomped his feet, and he ran away, yelling "I am so done with you, all of you traitor bunch!"

Zoey looked aghast. "Chase, come back …" But her voice was too feeble to convince her no longer boyfriend.

Michael was equally consternated, as he had just lost his friend of six years. "You girls have started forgiving him, it is all your fault. I should never have listened to you in the first place."

This was true, but, as a matter of fact, neither Michael nor Zoey, neither Logan nor Quinn, and certainly not Lola had thought about the possible consequences of confronting Chase Matthews one day with their decision to forgive this evil bully in his very absence. Even worse, none of Chase's friends had been thinking about him during several weeks of his absence.

The Mary Sue had been worse than everyone else by dating another boy behind Chase's back, a tall blond rake named James Garrett.[1:5] During several weeks, Chase had been treated as not existing by those who had always pretended to be his friends.

Lola was not caring about Chase's problems. All she minded was her own idea. She figured that Quinn would still need a few weeks or months in order to find the antidote, and during that time, some of her alike looking relatives could take her place. She was especially thinking about her sister Salvia, commonly known as Shelby Marx[1:6] due to her attempt of hiding her own Puerto Rican roots from the masses.

Shelby was a very successful mixed martial artist, at least for her age. But due to laws for child protection, there had not yet been extensive live pictures of her on TV. Lola had thus been able to talk about her career and their similarity, even to her closest friends, including Vincent.

Another choice would have been Viviana alias Vivienne,[1:7] a cousin of Lola Martinez working as a supermodel for Mad Style, one of the world's most exciting fashion labels. Like Shelby, Vivienne was not at ease with her Latina roots. Lola avoided talking about her not only for this reason, but also because she did not want getting bothered by Zoey Brooks who would have loved to get into contact with Mad Style in New York City.

Yet another option was her cousin Tamara Tyson[1:8] from Vancouver, who had won the glee club nationals with her school band.

1.4 Gaudeamus Igitur

Dean Carl Rivers opened the academic year with his traditional and boring speech, making many students fall asleep on their feet.

Lola felt like having aged several years during that speech.

Quinn took a closer look at her, and she shook her head. "Your impression is really much more the result of your boredom than one of your physical changes."

Lola hoped that Quinn was right, and that she was not going to turn visibly older before having agreed with one of her alike looking relatives about a plan distracting her friend's and the movie makers from noticing her physical changes.

Dean Rivers left the podium, and he announced the choir's performance of traditional students' song Gaudeamus Igitur. "This year, we are pleased to introduce Megan Parker from San Diego, the winner of California's award for young classic musicians. She will back up our choir with her …uculele." Beverly Brown,[1:9] the secretary of Dean Rivers, had to correct him severely. "Megan Parker's instrument is an oboe, not an uculele. The oboe is something to be blown, the uculele is like a guitar, just weird, and it has never been established." Beverly was not an expert for music instruments either, but the headmaster's confusion was really ridiculous.

Zoey sighed for relief, as the mention of the uculele reminded her immediately of her days on Maui where that instrument, a tropical version of the guitar, was very popular. Having to listen to it for several minutes would have downed her mood even more, now that she had not only got a messed up brother to care for, but also got her engagement with Chase Matthews cancelled.

Megan Parker unpacked her oboe, hoping that it was not mistuned. She had already been a few times on this campus, but her last presence here on the campus had been a particular one. More preceisely, Megan had been hereon the campus under a false name and pretense, assuming the faked identity of Paige Howard, winner of the national science fair.[1:10] The circulmstances of this appearance will be a subject for later, whereas it suffices to say that megan was very much concert about getting recognised on here. In addition, she had got a fairly alike looking cousin in Seattle named Carly Shay whose web show was known and appreciated by many students here on the campus. In order to hide her identity, Megan had donned some sort of mask, making her look a bit older and not so easy to be identified with Carly or Paige.

The sound of the oboe filled the air, and now it was time for the choir to chime in.


Gaudeamus igitur.
Iuvenes dum sumus.
Post iucundam iuventutem.
Post molestam senectutem.
Nos habebit humus.

Quinn Pensky translated for her not so smart room mate. "Let's enjoy our life as long as we are still young. After a playful youth and a painful old age, the earth will have us."

Lola felt hit by a shockwave when listening to Quinn's words. "Hey, do I now look like a granny?"

Quinn shook her head. "You should calculate with aging three times, maybe up to ten times, faster than normal."

This was little helpful for Lola, as she was not that great with arithmetics.

Quinn continued, "you will not look like a shriveling grandma during the next two years … promised!"

Megan kept on blowing, keeping the choir's performance up and running.


Vita nostra brevis est
Brevi finietur.
Venit mors velociter
Rapit nos atrociter
Nemini parcetur.

Quinn told Lola about its meaning. "Our life is short and will soon be over. Death approaches fast and strikes cruelly, not sparing anyone."

Of course, those words sounded like a sledge hammer in Lola's brain. The diva started cringing like nobody's business.

Quinn sighed deeply. She knew very well that in this way, Lola would very soon turn old and grumpy, not because of the physical changes but because of worrying too much about it. "You are more grumpy than my pops!"

Lola looked aghast.

Dean Rivers continued, "thanks for listening. Now I make it beknownst that this year's homecoming will be something special, and the First Lady is going to show up. This is the first time in our history that we have got such an honour. Do I have to tell you that I expect your very best efforts for this event? And anyone daring to disappoint me will be expelled on site!"

Lola choked. "The … first lady … that means lots of TV presence?"

Quinn grinned. "Oh, I definitely suppose this to be the case. Those people never get anywhere without being in the centre of the attention of the mass media." Lola was totally greedy and looking forward to a chance of being seen, but she was definitely not looking forward to show up us a rotting old wench.

But for all students at Pacific Coast Academy, a homecoming week with such a very important guest was not expected to mean any less but a lot of stress and pressure.

Megan sighed for relief, as she had not been recognised as Paige Howard or mistaken for Carly Shay. Otherwise she would have been subjected to quite a few unpleasant questions.

The really central of Megan's problems that required her to stay incognito was one Melinda Crenshaw, the on and off girlfriend of the solo oboe's dorkish step brother Joshuah Nichols.

Four years ago, Mindy Crenshaw had been at Pacific Coast Academy as a student on probation, and she had caused several kinds of trouble.[1:11]

First, Mindy had plagiarised the backpack design of Zoey Brooks, because the fashion freak had been a leading fan of Drake Parker, elder brother of Megan and archnemesis of Mindy.

Zoey had organised Drake's first concert putside San Diego and sponsored it by designing and tailoring the new outfit for the band. This ation had provoked Mindy's unrestrained wrath.

Second, the nerd girl from San Diego had manipulated Quinn Pensky's botanic experiments involving the creation of a new kind of fruit, named banapples. Mindy and Quinn had always been, and still were, competitors for the title of the greatest nerd girl of their generation, trying to obsolete each other.

For her misdeeds, Melinda Crenshaw was still banned from the school campus. This had not been her first expulsion from a school.

In order to hide the records of her misdeeds, Mindy had registered for the aforementioned national science fair using yet another fake identity, aforementioned Paige Howard.

Invited by the administration of Pacific Coast Academy to demonstrate her awarded invention, Mindy did not dare to show up in person, but she had been forced to send Megan into the battle. The latter had been equipped with a microchip in order to receive Mindy's detailed instructions. Miss Crenshaw's main intention had been that of making Quinn feel all miserable and give up on her scientific activity, turning onside into an old grumpy wench or removing herself from the face of the earth.

Unfortunately, the machine invented by Mindy Crenshaw had been more dangerous than expected, and only Quinn had been able to repair it right in time.

Megan had seen Quinn, and she knew that the geek girl from Seattle was working on some invention. She knew also that Mindy would have certainly been able to help and accelerate the development of whatever Quinn was working on. But — or so she thought to herself — it would not be possible — at least not easy — to get those old rivals to work together on some project without trying to cheat on each other, an enterprise that would have been not just doomed, but also have lead to more catastrophic consequences for individuals, the whole school, if not the whole mankind.

1.5 Shelby Marx

Lola had just received her time table for her senior year, and she was excited because she had got a lot of classes together with her loverboy Vince. Now she was back in her dormitory room, and this was probably the right moment for asking her alike looking relatives to sub for her.

Unfortunately, Vivienne was not at home, but flying in some private jet across the mighty Atlantic in order to present the next summer collection for Mad Style in Paris.

So it was most likely down to Shelby, but this was not going to be easy, either, as the martial artist was up to preparing for the next mixed martial championships.

But Lola tried it anyways, and she had got some trumps up her sleeves in order to convince the tomboy. More precisely, Lola had occasionally feigned to be Shelby in order to save her from standing too much in the spot lights.

Negotiating with her sister turned out an excruciatingly tedious business as well, but it was dfinally successful.

1.6 Ashley Blake

Vince stumbled into his younger sister Ashley,[1:12] one of the most renowned Hollywood child stars … ever! "Hi, any problems?"

Ashley shook her head. "Not yet! But I have noticed your girlfriend during the initial speech of Dean Rivers."

Vince shrugged. "Of course she was there, just as all of us."

Ashley continued, "Really, she twitched and cringed over and over when she heard the Latin song talking about aging and death."

Vince wondered why Ashley had understood it.

Ashley replied that Megan Parker, one of her formerly closest friends, had told her afterwards. "There is something fishy, I tell you!"

Vince could not make any sense of it. But he was accustomed to Ashley being very suspicious of Lola's actions.

But there was something more important for Vince and Ashley to talk about.

Vince confirmed, upon Ashley's request, that Chase Bartholomew Matthews had just trashed all his friends because they had forgiven Vince. And this effect had been the successful outcome of a plan that had been initiated over a year ago by Ashley, and executed without mercy by the two siblings.

Ashley had taught Vince some acting skills, enough to feign having turned into a nice guy, as completely opposed to the old bully, in order to get pardoned by Dean Rivers, and in order to befriend Chase's pals. Setting up Chase against his friends and turning him into a complete wreck, a lonely and grumpy old boy, was considered by them as a just punishment for having destroyed Vince's great dream of becoming the greatest quarterback in the history of Pacific Coast Academy. Vince had neve loved Lola, he had just welcomed her as an ignorant and mindless tool in order to wreak severe havoc upon his traitor.

So, this plan had worked well, and it had been both subtle and brilliant. The school had got established rules against physical violence, but there was no rule against luring away someone's friends. But what were the Blakes going to do with now no longer needed Lola Martinez?

1.7 James Garrett

Zoey Brooks felt her life force drain more and more away, and this was very weird, as her own name was derived from a Greek word with the very meaning of "life". She was now even starting to regret that she had given up on James Garrett just before junior prom, in anticipation of Chase's imminent return from good old England.

A year ago, she had followed her parents to London, because she had supposed that she had not meant as much to Chase as everyone at Pacific Coast Academy had expected.

But upon her departure, Chase had acted likem crazy, finally admitting to what he had believed to be his feelings.

Zoey had accidentally come to hear about it, and thence decided to return to California in order to check the situation.

But Chase had been impatient enough to leave Pacific Coast Academy and move to England, in order to be with Zoey.

As a result, they had been effectively trading places.

Chase had been stuck at Covington's, an even more renowned and illustrous boarding school just outside the overcrowded area of greater London.

Zoey and Chase had tried to stay in contact via web chat, but the time shift of eight hours and the impact of old and grumpy sounding room mates and technical support freaks had rendered these plans impossible.

Chase had told Zoey that he would not have minded her dating some other boys during his absence, and vice versa. Thus Zoey had not really had remorses fpr cheating on him with James, annd the reason for Chase's breakup was not at all related to the tall blond rake. On the other hand, Chase had — or so figured Zoey — probably been talking about occasional one timer dates as opposed to making out with the same guy for several weeks straight.

This situation made it impossible for Zoey to go and beg Chase on her knees, even if she decided to change her mind about Vincent Blake again. And she had not yet seen a reason for that, as Vince had not showed any traces of his past as a cheater and bully.

Stacey invited Zoey to a cotton swab fest. "We could build something for the First Lady. I use cotton swabs, and you use fashion design."

Zoey sighed deeply, but then she nodded solemnly as she was secure in the knowledge that she was now inevitably going to end up as an old grumpy maid. Grantedm she pondered about asking James again, but she had been dishonest to him all the time. James had known a little about Chase, but never about the particular situation between the perfect blond beauty and the bushy beast. This was in particular due to the fact that Chase had been forgotten.

But Zoey still kept some of the gifts she had received from James during her adulterous weeks, especially some valuable locket with James's name.

Stacey had already started sorting her swabs and mixing some glue, whereupon she invited Zoey again.

The blond Mary Sue nodded and started thinking about a nice gift for the First Lady.

1.8 148 Maxwell Hall

Chase's judgment of his illoyal friends was of course not going to be without consequences for life at 148 Maxwell Hall, which had been the residence of him and his pals Michael and Logan since their high school time. Well, Chase had been absent for a few months and temporarily been replaced with James Garrett, but that was not the issue. Indeed, the three boys had already been pals and room mates durimg their whole middle school life, albeit in a different residence room.

Basically, the bushy dork was no longer able to live in a roon occupied by two vulgar traitors: Logan Reese and Michael Barret.

Michael tried to excuse himself by crediting the girls with the treason. "Lola had been the first to fall, then Zoey and Quinn …"

Logan nodded solemnly, but he insisted in having been the last to stand in oreder to defend Chase's honour as opposed to forgiving the vicious bully. Well, it was perfectly true that he had given in a few moments after Michael, but as a matter of fact, neither Logan nor Michael, and none of the girls had been thinking any more about Chase in particular. The bushy dork had been out of their mind for a few weeks already. And by boasting with his loyality to Chase, Logan was recommitting one of the worst hypocrisies ever occurring on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy. Deep inside, Logan knew that he was just fooling his naïve "friend".


When Chase had just caught Vince in flagrante delicto, he talked to me, Michael, and the girls about it.

I strictly discouraged him from backstabbing the quarterback, as this would have been a very uncool thing to do.

The success of the football team, which was endangered by denouncing Vince, was vital for the renown of Pacific Coast Academy. The sponsors — such as my dad — and alumni would have appreciated it more than any other event and development on this school campus.

But when Vince and his henchmen actually started beating up Chase, Michael, Mark, and I sided with our bushy friend and got beaten up along with him.

But was I really there in order to support Chase? No, this was by absolutely no means the case. Indeed, my real motivation was the fact that getting beaten up by a bully in order to defend a friend was something girls appreciated, had always done, wopuld always do. I can't speak for Michael and Mark, but my motivation was no other than im pressing the girls.

The same was valid a few weeks later when Zoey brooks got beaten unconscious in a wrestling match by Chuck Javers, an untamable wrestling machine.[1:13] I messed with Chuck for no other reason than provoking the girls' admiration and pity.

Fortunately, Michael, Chase, and the girls have always been too naïve and dumb to see that.


Of course, Chase and Michael were not able to look inside Logan's head.

But even without knowing Logan's excessively foul motivations, it was too late for Chase to forgive the traitors. He was now going to get his belongings together and to move into a different residence room. Alas, the bushy dweeb had to ask himself whether he had been so much better than his room mates. "Honestly said, I denounced Vince not because it was injust for a star quarterback to get away with everything, but because of envy and jealousy. He was the man of the girls, including Zoey." Chase knew that he would not be over hios loss as soon as possible, maybe not before being an old and grumpy man. But there was no way back now.

And also Michael was shocked for having lost his "best friend … forever!" within a few hours because of one of his former stupidities. He would have started a dispute with Logan about the situation, but there was not much time left for him. He was appointed with his so-called "girlfriend" Lisa Perkins, and he had to get ready for this imminent date.

Chapter 2 Race Against Time

2.1 Quinn's Work

The nerd girl from Seattle was sitting in front of her desk, holding some test tubes in her hand.

Logan Reese stumbled in. "Hey babe, what's up tonight? You want to come to the beach with me, a hula dance in the moonlight, right?"

Quinn sighed. "Sorry, but no. Lola has swallowed some of my potions. Now I need to brew an antidote."

Logan moaned for despair, as he was a bit annoyed by Quinn's research that used to keep her from spending more time making out with him. But there was also a good reason for him to tolerate her scientific activity.

The grandfather of the teenage coxcomb had been a teacher for chemistry at Caltech near Los Angeles.[2:1] Thus there was sort of a family tradition, and Logan would do better at lleast trying to comply with it in order to impress his father.

But, even more, Logan was running his own online shop, known as "Sky Store",[2:2] where he sold some of the inventions made by Quinn. The business was geared towards draining the money of naïve rich bimbos with mom's credit card. He was thinking especially about teenagers like Nicole Bristow, a former room mate of Zoey Brooks.

And then Quinn's currently developed invention was particularly interesting, as it was expected to reduce or even reverse premature aging, something that was certainly a great thing to sell to people obsessed with their own looks but not gifted with Logan's natural everlasting youth. Gazillions of easy bucks were in it. Of course Logan was not thinking about any potential side effects triggered by this whole mess.

Logan also saw another potential use: It would no longer be necessary to find actors for a rôle in an appropriate age range, as you people would be able to turn into old creeps within a short time, and then return to their normal age. This had got the terrifying potential of saving a lot of casting work.

2.2 Shelby In The Gym

Shelby entered the gym hall of Pacific Coast Academy in order to test whether she would really be mistaken by Vincent Blake for Lola, if necessary. She hoped not to run into the wrong football player and falsely calling him Vince, as this would have ruined the cover on site. Lola's description of Vince Blake was quite a bit subjective, something like "the hottest guy in the football team".

Fortunately, Shelby did not have to guess as Vince was called by his team mates before Lola's alike lookinng relative was compelled to saying anything wrong. Now she stepped up to her sister's loverboy. "Hi … sugar bun!"

Vince choked. "Wow, you have never called me like that, but I like it."

Shelby sighed for relief. "You're certainly going to train a bit more? Then I should go. We will se us afterwards."

Vince's present football pals chuckled. "Yeah, typical Lola, can't bear a minute of sweat."

Vince had to correct Shelby. "Er ... I have already told you that I can't tonight, haven't I?"

Shelby gasped, as this mistake would have been potentially deadly. Of course she was not fully aware of the Hollywood starlet's schedule. "Oh, sure, my fault." She shrugged, but she also had toi think about the jocks's remark about sweating. Of course, being a martial artist and all that, Shelby was quite accustomed to working out hard, and she did not like getting deemed feeble just for having the looks of a typical drama queen. "Hey, I can do more rope jumps than him!" She pointed at one of the toughest jocks.

Vince growled, "Lola? Are you sure? This is Workout Dave!"[2:3]

Shelby shrugged. "Should this scare me?" She picked onr of the jumping ropes lying on the floor. "Better count well, Vince!"

Dave shrugged, secure in the knowledge that now girl was able to hold the dimmest candle to him. Then he started rope jumping."

Shelby did the same, and she almost forgot that she was about to do something Lola would never have come anywhere near to achieving.

The boys counted carefully, and in the end, Shelby had made some fifty jumps more.

Vince gasped. "Dave, you don't have to pull punches, just because Lola's my girlfriend."

Dave looked aghast at his quarterback, and he coughed like an idiot.

Vince wondered, "who is that woman, and what has she done to Lola in order to steal her face?" But then he tried to talk himself into believing that Lola had just been more relaxed, while Dave had already gone through some power training with the rest of the team.

2.3 Espionage

Megan Parker was peacefully sleeping in her room in San Diego Belleview when she felt the vibrations of her mobile phone and woke up. "Megan arker … Ashley? It is you? You know how late it is?" She yawned, ready to fall asleep again.

Ashley told Megan to calm down. "I have got very interesting news. You remember the fake pie with a built in micro camera you gave me last year?"[2:4]

Megan nodded solemnly, although Ashley was impossibly able to see that. But she also released a some moaning voice, vaguely sounding like "yeah!"

Ashley admitted to having used it in order to spy Lola Martinez, as she needed to have more control over the plans of her potential future sister in law and arch rival for a bunch of future Oscars. "And you won't guess why Lola Martinez is about turning so grumpy." Then she explained what she knew about Quinn's elixir, its effect on humans consisting in a particularly fast aging rate, and her hitherto futile attemptsof finding a counter medication. "I guess that without help, Quinn won't make it fast enough." Indeed, Ashley had heard about similar but less powerful medications that had often been abused by athletes as a means of doping. Quinn's invention was impossibly yet listed on the index of illegal stuff for athletes, and thus Vince would be able to swallow them in order to increase his abilities as a football player in a drastic manner. But she refrained from telling those reasons to Megan.

This changed a lot. Megan was no longer as close to falling asleep again. "Thanks for the information, it will still be hard for me to talk Mindy into helping Quinn, but at least I know what it is about." She did not want to wake Mindy in the middle of the night, but she started planning ways to get the two master geek girls to work together.

2.4 The White House

Stacey Dillsen had decided to build a cotton swab sculpture of the White House, orbated with little stars and stripes flags designed and tailored by Zoey Brooks.

These two girls were eager on not messing it up, as they would already have to go all alone to the homecoming party.

Well, Stacey was at least somewhat accustomed to that, with one exception that had been a totally bad experience. At junior prom, she had been abused shamelessly by Logan Reese as a fake date in order to veil his even more decadent relationship with Quinn Pensky. She had been hankering after Logan for almost two years, and that was the cause for being really depressed and stinky after having been perversely misused as a fake prom date by him.

Zoey told her to take it easy. "Logan is certainly not worth it."

Stacey moaned and whimpered for increasing despair.

Zoey continued, "why covet a coxcomb and filthy snob when there are so many nice guys around, even some who are able to appreciate your artistic creativity, the unique choice of sculpting materials, and the efforts you put into your models, instead of making permanently fun of you as Logan does."

For Stacey, it was hard to believe that boys like that existed.

For Zoey, in turn, it was hard to believe that she had strayed so much from her perfect Mary Sue like middle school ways since she was stuck at this school and constantly used by boys and girls alike in order to appear more popular. She felt like having aged a dozen of times faster ever since and degenerated into something she had never wanted to be back at middle school.

There was a knocking sound at the door. "Zoey!"

The formerly most popular senior girl opened the door, as she recognised the voice of her little brother. "Dustin? What is up?"

The little brother of the blond Mary Sue declared, "I know what to do for homecoming … we want to make a big birthday cake for the first lady, with one candle for each year. But I need your … or rather grandma's … recipe for birthday pies."

Zoey gasped. "Dustin … well, it is nice for you to think about it and to be ready for so many efforts for the homecoming celebrations, but it is not really polite to remind an aging woman of her … progressing age."

Dustin looked sad.

Zoet sighed deeply, hugging her brother with one arm. "If you find a suitable stove, I may help you with a cake for the Forst Lady. But there won't be that many candles. Besides, you don't want to torch the kitchen or so."

Dustin shuddered. "Spencer always does so."

Zoey wondered, "who or what is Spencer?"

Dustin explained, "he is the elder brother of Carly Shay, the host of my favourite web show."

Stacey squealed, full of excessive excitement: "The show rocks! Creddie! Creddie! Creddie!"

Dustin coughed.

Fredward Benson was the technical producer of said show. Creddie was a relationship between Carly Shay and Fredward benson, as fancied by some viewers of that show.

Dustin was not comfortable with this statement, as he had got a crush on Caerly, as demonstrated by the insane amount of times he was forced to blush when thinking about that girl. Stacey would not have approved of any boy with a crush on Carly and probably accused him as a "Creddie Killer".

2.5 Michael's Despair

Michael Barret was sitting at at table in Sushi Rox, side by side with his so-called girlfriend Lisa Perkins, but they were not talking.

The hot Afro-American pop star had just been used as punching ball for Michael's frustrations triggered by te lost of his long term best friend … forever, and she was depressed because she had failed once more in her favourite casting show, America Sings.[2:5]

The viewers had voted in favour of Lisa's archenemy David R. Couleda. Fortunately, she had still got a dozen of years left until she would be deemed too old for a contest like this one, and she was better trying again and again and again.

In all reality, the relationship between Lisa Perkins and Michael Barrett had been doomed from the very start, over and over and over again, riddled with misunderstandings and involuntary but predictable mutual insults.

For example, Lisa Perkins had not been there for Michael when he had to ask himself whether to forgive Vincent Blake or not. Of course, the two of them had not yet been boyfriend and girlfriend when the quarterback got expelled for beating up Chase and his friends, and she had never been concerned with Vince in any manner. But she was supposed to stand by him, anyways.

But the worst treason Lisa Perkins had committed upon Michael had been at their junior prom, when she refused to believe one of his stories.

Michael had finally got his first own car, but it was an old fashioned stick switched vehicle, whereas he was only accustomed to riding those with automatick switching. But he wanted to take Lisa to the prom hall in his own car, and thus he was forced to prove unto Lisa that he was able to learn. He had already been forced by her to overcome his fear of roller coasters, and thus it was just a logical consequence to try to master the navigation of such an ancient automobile as well. And, indeed, he was learning very fast, from an elderly Japanese guy named Mr. Takato, according to his own claims a middle school teacher at Pacific Coast Academy. The training methods were straing and confusing, similar to those by traditional zen monks, as found in books of the sort Zen and the art of ….

The problem was of course that no such teacher was known here, not even by middle school kids like Dustin Brooks.

For that reason, Lisa refused to believe her loverboy and deemed him crazy for making up those things. She assumed now that Michael had ab initio been able to drive a stick switched car, and he had just come up with that lie in order to impress Lisa with his speed of learning something requiring high dexterity and concentration.

Michael had got enough of all that stupidity exhibited by his girlfriend, and, along with having been trashed by Chase, he felt that his own life had gone by in no time.

But who or what was Mr. Takato really?

Michael and Lisa stood up and walked silently away, into different directions.

But Michael did not get very far, and he broke down at the entrance of the Japanese pub, losing his cionsciousness.

Kazu, the owner of the bar, had to call for medical support.

2.6 Emergency! Paging Doctor Glazer!

Michael Barret woke up a few finutes later in the nurses's station of Pacific Coast Academy.

Nurse Krafader[2:6] explained that she was unable to detect Michael's problems, and so she had to consult a medi from outside the school.

Immediately contacted Doctor Glazer[2:7] was supposed to arrive any minute.

Michael's nice girlfriend Lisa had not taken care of him at all.

Krafader explained that some elderly Japanese guy had dragged Michael in, but she had not quite understood how the weird stranger had achieved it.

Michael gasped. "Mr. Takato?"

Krafader did not know any name. The stranger had just walked in in order to drop Michael, and then to leave again.

Michael sighed for relief, for at least one other person had seen the mystery man.

A few minutes later, Glazer was actually bounding in, and he took immediately care of the patient. "OK, I need some instrument … have you got a syringe with a 10 inch needle?

Krafader shrugged. "I have to take a closer look at the set here."

Michael's face went all bloodless due to anticipating the pain of the syringe.

Many other uncomfortable minutes later, Doctor Glazer came to a diagnosis. "Kidney failure and chapped lips … but what does that mean?" Going through his medical knowledge, Doctor Glazer dared to diagnose, "these are typical symptoms for a poisoning with polycapsicin, a rare toxine only contained in Peruvian puff peppers.[2:8]

Michael almost lost his consciousness again, but he had got a dreamy vision of an event that he had gone through a few years ago. He muttered silently:


At the beginning of my sophomore year, I was hell bent on obtaining the single bed of my dormitory room.

But Logan wanted the same, although he had already got that bed during our freshman year.

We needed to find a way to decide.

We agreed on eating hot chilies for that purpose.

He who was able to eat more of them within one hour was supposed to get the single bed.

It burned like hell's fire, but both of us were able to make it through the whole mess, resulting in another tie.


Krafader and Glazer barely understood his stammered report, but it was clear to them that Logan Reese had also eaten a huge amount of those puff peppers and was most likely to suffer from the same poisoning, or was sooner or later up to going through it.

2.7 Polycapsicin

Quinn and Logan made out in a perverse manner in Logan's dormitory room.

Suddenly, excited sounds were heard from the hallway. Glazer and some security guard were knocking at the door. Glazer yelled, "Mr. Logan Reese … it is urgent."

Logan did not understand, but he timidly broke the makeput session in order to open the door.

Basically, girls were not allowed in boys' dormitory rooms at this time of the day, but nobody care.

Quinn smiled. "Oh, Doctor Glazer, I have performed some interesting experiments …" She was ocsionally working as an intern of the medic, performing a variety of interesting and complicated medical surgeries.

Glazer shook his head. "I am looking for Logan." He panted. "Is it true that you have eaten huge amounts of Peruvian puff pepper pods, about three years ago?"

Logan choked. "Peruvian what? Well, indeed, I ate quite a few of them for some bet. But they were not that hot." He grinned, boasting with his extremely tough constitution.

Quinn knew the dangers of Power puff peppers. "Logan? You really did that?"

The coxcomb nodded, grinning proudly.

Full of worries, Quinn explained the dangers of this particular cultivar of chili pods.

Logan looked consternated. "Chapped lips and … kidney failure?" He sat down on his bed.

Glazer reported what had happened to Michael. "You need to be examined as soon as possible. As is seen from the case of your room mate, a posioning with polycapsicin is a ticking time bomb."

Logan did not care about his pal's health. "Don't tell anyone how sick I am!"

Quinn suggested, "Doc Glazer, I am able to examine Logan's situation right here. This way, you may return to Michael and treat him appropriately, without wasting any time. I have been here in order to perform some medical tests, anyways."

Glazer nodded. "OK, have a nice evening!" He and the security freak disappeared on site.

Logan wondered, "what tests have you been up to performing?"

Quinn shook her head. "None, but it is already past eight o'clock, and I am not supposed to be in a boy's room … alone with you! Now we have got a good reason for it! I guess you better take your shirt off." She removed her left shoe, opening a secret tool box hidden underneath the soul.[2:9] Then she readed a few surgical instruments in order to take care of Logan's crippled kidney.

2.8 Mindy's Intervention

Inspite of being banned from the campus of Pacific Coast Academy, Mindy Crenshaw had not hesitated a lot and was ready to cooperate with Quinn Pensky.

Megan had expected more objections, but Melinda Crenshaw loved the news of Quinn and Zoey being at each other's throat. This made it easy for the mischievous master geek to side with her fellow science girl and strike against her arch nemesis, the blond Mary Sue and queen of the Drake Parker fanclub. Mindy went to Quinn pensky's science blog and started writing a long message.


Hello Quinn,

I am Melinda Crenshaw, a science freak whome you had probably heard of a few years ago, or maybe not, as you were new in California when my star was already on the decline.

First, I have to admit that I have been the one to sabotage your experiments creating a new fruit, the banapple. More precisely, I patched some fake fruits from dyed banana peels and apple mash, making it look like your banana shrub was bearing any fruit at all, and I replaced them regularly by night, making them look like maturing over the course of a few days. Indeed, and you should know that, the tasty part of an apple is not its proper fruit, but accessory tissue. The proper name for this construction is a pome.

I am sorry to have to tell you now. But I had been horribly jealous because you are younger than me, and you have been much more promising during te last few years, until you fell prey to the fake charms of Logan Reese. I am not sure you want to hear my opinion about your fiancé at all, but I have to say that I am now sad because you have taken that turn to the worse and lose more and more of your intellectual vigour.

Even more, I was really the one person behind Paige Howard's victory in the national science fair. Paige has never existed. But after having been expelled twice from a school, I was no longer able to participate in a science fair, and I made up a false identity, Paige Howard from Colorado. Having been invited by your former headmaster, I talked my former boyfriend's little step sister into showing up for the purpose of demonstrating my invention that had been awarded at the national science fair by Mr. Jamerson,[2:10] one of the best science teachers — ever! He attested that my invention was about seven hundred times better than any of its kind that had ever been built. So Megan parker was the one who had actually been here in order to present my work, and she had also got the order to make you feel humiliated and give up on your research. But now I know that it was a mistake.

My invention had almost blown up, and it would have done so in a catastrophic manner without your intervention in last minute.

Anyways, I know that you arwe about inventing a great thing, but you do not get along as fast as you would have done back in your good old days when you invented wonderful things, before you started hanging out with false friends. For that reason, Megan had told me to help you. So ask me any time.

Sincerely yours,
Melinda Crenshaw.


Writing these words was not totally easy for Mindy, but it had to be. Mindy saw no other than Zoey Brooks, a perversely dangerous fangirl of Drake Parker, as the very reason for the downfall of the genius of Quinn pensky, just as Drake Parker had corrupted the mind of his otherwise smart and competent step brother Joshuah Nichols, the on and off crush of Mindy Crenshaw. Logan had just made it worse and worse. But separating Quinn and Zoey, although rather by a stupid incuident that Mindy had not yet understood, appeared to be the first step for Quinn's recovery. But the perverted relationship between Logan and Quinn — and so figured Mindt without making a mistake — was also something better to be broken into smithereens, lest there would be no chance for any significant scientific progress, especially not the race against time and the hunger in the world.

2.9 Geek Reunion

Quinn had been consternated when hearing Mindy's confessions. But she was not easily ready to give up on Logan Reese, although she had only got troubles with nhim since they had started dating, and she had never accomplished a decent invention. Truly spoken, the geek princess from Seattle had not got a trace of a clue as of what to do.

The examination of Logan's kidneys was complete, and Quinn had discovered severe irregularities, although they had not yet had consequences as dangerous as in the case of Michael. But she had strangely noticed that their was a connection between polycapsicin and the substance she had used in the aging accelerator, inspite of not being able to make much sense of it.

Given that Michael's situation was growing really bad, and that Lola was going to explode because she still felt already like an old shrivelled wench unless she got her antidote before homecoming, Quinn gave in and decided meeting her former archrival.

Melinda Crenshaw and Quinn Pensky were now secretly meeting at Wok Star,[2:11] a Chinease restaurant located in Hollywood and run by one Mrs. Lee.

It was not hard for Quinn to express the current situation in words understandable for Mindy, as the latter understood a lot of science, unlike Quinn's obsessively dumb room mates.

Several spring rolls later, Mindy concluded, "Incited by the the by products of the analysis of polycapsicin, Logan's kidneys produce something that is already close to the antidote to your senescent elixir."

Quinn banged her head onto the table, because she had not come to the same conclusion. |I am so stupid."

Mindy tried to calm her colleague down. "No, you are not. You just have adapted too much to your feint friends, including that poor excuse of a fiancé.."

Quinn gasped. "Who are you to … but a few seconds later, she understood that Mindy had been completely on the right track. "Yes, I see it now. I have changed too much since my first days here at Pacific Coast Academy, just in order to be able to hang around with friends that are just like concrete blocks chained to my ankles, making my progress to intellectual world domination almost impossible." She remembered the days when she had built a battle robot for Zoey and her other friends, but only got ridiculed by Logan Reese and some of her other friends. She had decided to stop helping them, but turned around and forgiven them just a few days later because of a few flowers they had sent her.[2:12] This had probably been the greatest possible mistake in her life at Pacific Coast Academy, all others just being a stupid consequence of the same. She had to thank the nerd princess from San Diego to have pointed her the right way.

Mindy reported how hard she had tried to separate her on and off boyfriend from his step brother, the worst possible person to hang out with. "But I have failed completely, and now he is probably lost forever. I can't do anything any longer for him. Josh's brain has aged by gazillions of years for his mistakes, and it is about shrivelling like a raisin, no, it has already done so, beyond repair. But for you it is maybe not too late. But the fundamental step for you to take is to get away from Logan Reese, just as Josh should have trashed Drake years ago in order to free himself from destruction."

Still, the situation was not hard for the geek queen of Seattle to get over, although she had thoroughly understood and learned from the horrible mistakes and downfall of Joshuah Nichols.

Now the two nerdy lasses started making a plan for mastering the impending challenge. Unfortunately, Quinn was not able to trash Logan right away, as she still needed his money for new equipment, but she was going to do so right after the completion of her experiments and development of the antidote for Lola and for Michael.

Unfortunately, turning around and concentrating on her true path was not as easy as the plan might have seemed. for Quinn had to dispose with many bad habuts she had acquired during the last years.

2.10 Takato

Quinn was now all alone in some silent corner of the campus square, making plans about using Mindy's obswervations in order to extract the antidote for her aging elixir.

In this moment, an elderly Japanese guy came to stand in front of her. "What are you trying to do?"

Quinn replied, "Hello, I am working on a chemical formula." She released some detail, but she doubted that the random stranger was able to understand any of it.

"My name is Takato," the stranger spoke, "so, you have tried and have failed?"

Quinn gasped, as she remembered Michael's story about the mystery guy, a report nobody had hitherto believed.

Takato continued, "OK, you think that I am already very old, but this is an illusion. Age is nothing but an illusion."

Quinn tickled her own chin. "What do you want to say?"

But in this moment, Takato disappeared again.

"Hey, I am not done! What do you mean … age is just an illusion?" Quinn shrugged desperately, as she was still not able to make any sense of the weird creep's remark.

Homecoming ball was getting closer and closer, while Michael's situation was aggravating.

Chapter 3 Finale

Megan Parker and Josh Nichols had reached the campus square of Pacific Coast Academy.

Megan was up to playing once more her oboe for the opening ceremony of the homecoming celebrations, and she had been brought by her step brother.

Josh had been consternated when hearing about the disease of Michael. He had once been tricked into believing that he and Drake had used Peruvian puff pepper for a cooking contest, and he had heard that it was illegal and hazardous to people's health. He still did not know that it had all been just a trick of Megan in order to get him disqualified, so she had won the contest, and so he believed that he had poisoned himself and a few others with his salsa. Now Megan told Josh that she had just made him believe that it was puff pepper, while it had been nothing but green jalapeno that grows in San Diego. In any case, he was now up to visiting poor Michael in order to see how he would end up. He carelessly stumbled across the paved road, running into Stacey Dillsen.

The lisping girl dropped her cotton swab model on site due to the shock and started weeping.

Megan growled at Josh, "Boob! You are now going to help the girl repair it, won't you?"

Josh nodded solemnly. "I know how that feels. Drake and Megan always do that to me once I have completed something creative and artistic, such as a card house." He sighed bitterly. "I am no longer sure that it is just an accident."

Stacey introduced herself, "I am Stacey Dillsen from Swampscott in Massachusetts. My hobbies are hatha yoga, astronomy, ballistics, visual arts, wood shop, ldots"

Josh nodded. "That sounds cool! Hey, I have once built a little onager in my home wood shop."[3:1]

Stacey smiled and added, with utter excitement, "Oh, cool, I have once made an onager from cotton swabs."[3:2]

Megan smiled. "The two of you seem to get along nicely … I am going to Ashley. Meet me at Sushi Rox after the homecoming concert!"

Josh twitched nervously, but he was too busy helping the cotton swab mistress with her model, especially once he was aware that it was a gift for nobody less than the First Lady in person.

Megan finally reached her friend Ashley at the campus fountain. "Hi! Do you know about the progresses made by Quinn?"

Ashley nodded solemnly. "She has tested it on an elderly Japanese guy, Mr. Takato. And now he is once more a young zen monk, and a really cute one." She smiled strangely.

Megan glared at her friend. "You don't dare to touch him, do you?"

Ashley sighed deeply. "OK, I won't … I am more interested in using the medication in order to push Vince's performance as a football player." Megan unwrapped her oboe. "I have to tune it a teensy bit before playing Sousa's Gladiators' March. I will play it before the football match"

Ashley shrugged silently. "Vince will rock all over the National Football League, and of course this match, especially with the wonder drug."

Megan gasped. "You don't really want your brother to boost himself by doping?"

Ashley replied. "As long as it is not yet known to the national institute for sports medicine, it can't be declared illegal doping and be declared illegal. Oh, Lola is now back to normal … well, she's Lola, but … now Vince is cheating on her with her own sister, Shelby, and she does not know it. Isn't that cool?"

Megan's eyes bugged out. "That doping thing is crazy, it may damage Vince inside out before he even notices it. And I know that you do not want that. Oh, yeah, it is cool that Vince has found a better girlfriend, but it is not cool to make Lola believe that … you have to tell her."

Ashley had not yet thought about it, and now she just glared aghast at Megan. She choked, and then threw herself against her friend, and she started weeping.

Megan comforted the little diva. "It's OK, now, just promise not to encourage him to do doping, legal or not. It is not fair, and you will be more proud of his fair achievements, anyways."

Ashley sighed deeply. "As for Lola … may you get her a date with Drake? I think this will help her over everything."

Megan coughed. "Am I Drake's matchmaker? But OK, you are right … Drake and Lola would be the best thing since sliced bread. Well, Lola is looking for a band for senior prom, and Drake has got a band … that should be easy to arrange."

Wendy,[3:3] another good old friend of Megan, walked in. "Hi Megan, great you are here. How will you hide today from the curious masses that may mistake you for Carly Shay or Paige Howard?"

Megan sighed deeply. "I don't think I can take hiding anymore. Anyways, everyone will be curious for the First Lady, and I am not very interesting, regardless of any fake identity."

Wendy nodded solemnly. "Probably!" She sighed deeply. "I have just visited Michael Barret, the poor victim of the Peruvian puff peppers. We have got a lot in common it seems."

Megan looked aghast. "Have you taken an overdose of poison?"

Wendy shook her head. "Not that I am aware of … but Michael has been keeping on making a fool of himself since he has started with his crush on Lisa Perkins, and she always makes fun of him, refuses to believe him, and she treats him like dirt." Wendy sighed for despair. "That is so much like what I had gone through when I had that insane crush on your Drake."

Megan nodded solemnly. "Now that you say it … it makes such a lot of sense. Fortunately, Drake was more honest than Lisa is now."

Wendy scratched her chin. "Maybe …"

Megan smiled. "You do like Michael a lot, don't you?"

Wendy blushed a shade of deepest crimson. "Oh, I … well …" She could not help but stammer aimlessly.

Megan nodded. "That's OK, I think the two of you would be a great couple, unlike you and Drake, or Michael and Lisa."

Wendy sighed. "You think so? Well, maybe … at least he is soon about recovering. Doctor Glazer and Quinn Pensky have just given him the antidote, brewed with the help of Mindy, and it works like a charm."

In the meantime, the First Lady had arrived on the campus, and Megan was expected to reunite with the rest of the orchestra and the choir. But she happened to cross Josh's and Stacey's way once more.

Wendy waved at her friend, as she needed to help Dustin, who had once got a crush on her, with the cake for the First Lady.

Josh explained that he was not let through to the important woman. "Those gorillas have got electric shockers. I know that they hurt. When I wanted to get to Opera Windfree …"[3:4]

Megan shook her head. "Boob, just follow me." Megan walked up to the safety guards, and she started playing a tune on her oboe that forced the security guys to fall asleep on their feet, or something like that. Her performance of the oboe did have magic effects to some degree. She could even get people to feel younger or older. But she was not ready to try it unless in the case of an emergency, and it was of limited use for helping Lola Martinez.

Josh and Stacey walked along,

Josh was very nervous, and he twitched an insane lot when standing in front of the most important woman of the nation. "Hello, Mrs. President … we have got a little gift for you."

Stacey held up the cotton swab model of the white house.

Of course, Zoey had also helped building it, but she was now not able to show up, because she had helped Dustin until the last with the cake for the First Lady.

The First Lady looked at the sculpture and had not got a problem recognising what it was supposed to represent. "Wow, that is really cool. I think it should be exhibited in a glass case in front of the real White House, as long as my husband is in his office."

Stacey and Josh smiled.

Megan grinned. "Josh, you may also hug and kiss your new girlfriend now!"

Josh choked. "Stacey is what?" He had not even thought about that possibility.

Megan pushed her step brother subtly into Stacey's direction and whistled innocently, watching what was about to follow,"

Stacey was a bit puzzled, and then she started to shiver in Josh's arms. "Aw!" She started purring like crazy.

The First Lady smiled and sighed when seeing so much love going on in front of herself. "I suddenly feel like twenty years younger … at least."

In this moment, Zoey and a group of middle school kids, lead by Dustin, arrived with the cake for the lady.

Dustin explained, "I wanted to add one candle for each year of your age, but Zoey …" He looked at his sister. "Then I wanted to use light bulbs instead of candles, but this did not quite work."

The blond Mary Sue was a bit embarrassed.

"That's OK," explained the First Lady, "Does it really matter as long as you do not feel too old for everything you want to do?" She shook hands with Zoey Brooks. "And you are?"

Zoey started talking endlessly about her life here at Pacific Coast Academy.

The First Lady grinned. "OK, it seems like you would be a great president, once you have grown as old as I am now while still feeling as young as you are now."

Zoey felt flattered. "Really?"

Only time would tell.

THE END


1:1:


Zoey's origin is mentioned in Zoey 101:L Robot Wars.

1:2:


This identifies Lola Martinez from Zoey 101 with Tori Vega from Victorious.

More precisely, the canon of Victorious is understood as a dream of Lola, fancying an alternative live as a student at Hollywood School For The Professional Performance Arts.


1:3:


Carl is a cameo from Zoey 101: Hot Dean, identified with "Body Slam" Bubba from Unfabulous: Best Trip Ever and an anonymous cameo of the same actor in Drake & Josh: The Demonator.

1:4:


Zoey's plans to do so are from Zoey 101: Chasing Zoey.

1:5:


In the following, James Garrett is identified with cameo Dennifer from Zoey 101: Quarantine, guest character Jake Crendle from The iCarly Show: iLike Jake, and a variety of anonymous cameos of the same actor in other Nickelodeon shows.

1:6:


Shelby Marx is a guest character from The iCarly Show: iFight Shelby Marx.

1:7:


Vivienne is from True Jackson VP: True Crush.

1:8:


Tammi Tyson is a character from Spectacular!

1:9:


Beverly is a cameo character in Zoey 101: Hot Dean et alibi, with a surname borrowed from the same actress's rôle in some third party owned movie.

1:10:


Paige Howard is from Zoey 101: Paige At PCA.

1:11:


This identifies Mindy Crenshaw with the same actress's cameo character from Zoey 101: Backpack.

1:12:


Ashley Blake is a guest character from Drake & Josh: Little Diva.

1:13:


Chuck Javers is a guest character from Zoey 101: Wrestling.

2:1:


This grandfather is mentioned in Zoey 101: Zoey's Tutor.

2:2:


Sky Store is featured in Victorious: Roborazzi.

2:3:


Workout Dave is a cameo from Zoey 101: Chasing Zoey.

2:4:


This plastic pie is featured in The iCarly Show: iSpy A Mean Teacher.

2:5:


This casting show is featured in The iCarly Show: iRock The Votes.

2:6:


Krafader is a cameo from Zoey 101: Dance Contest

2:7:


Doctor Glazer is a multiple cameo in Drake & Josh: The Bet et alibi.

2:8:


Those peppers and their consequences are mentioned in Drake & Josh: Peruvian Puff Pepper.

Capsicin is contained in most chili like spices, responsible for the hotness. Polycapsicin — at least to my knowledge — is not a real poison or other substance for that matter.


2:9:


This hideout for tools is seen in Zoey 101: Hot Dean.

2:10:


Jamerson is a guest character from True Jackson VP: True's New Assistant.

2:11:


This Chinese restaurant and its landlord is featured in Victorious: Wok Star.

2:12:


This occurs in Zoey 101: Robot Wars.

3:1:


This onager is featured in Drake & Josh: Two Idiots And A Baby.

3:2:


This onager occurs in Zoey 101: Good-bye, Zoey!

3:3:


This is guest character Wendy from Drake & Josh: Number One Fan.

She is identified with an unportrayed Wendy mentioned in Zoey 101: Lola likes Chase.


3:4:


Opera Windfree is mentioned several times throughout Drake & Josh.

The guards with shockers appear in Drake & Josh: Josh runs into Oprah".