Just Out of Reach

Chapter 1: Reassurance

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & livsgirl

Olivia walked into the precinct after lunch.

"Liv, you need to get down to the hospital," Elliot said, handing her jacket to her.

She took it, giving him a questioning look. "So are you going to tell me why?"

He sighed. He knew the two of them had been trying for kids. "Casey. She collapsed in court."

She sighed. "Uh oh, that doesn't sound good."

He nodded. "Exactly. Let me know how it goes."

She was barely able to keep her focus. She and Casey had been together a little over two years now, though gay marriage wasn't legal, not anymore. It had been for about six months, but back then they hadn't even thought of that. Back then they'd only begun to date and nothing was certain.

The guys at the precinct were fine with them, as was Liz, who was the only person who really needed to know in the DA's office. If others knew well…they were both willing to bet that most crimes wouldn't be reported because they would, unfortunately, be singled out. Of course, people had figured it out, but once they had, she and Casey had made even more of an effort to be careful.

Walking into the hospital, she walked to the reception desk, but had to wait a few moments before she was paid mind. "Yes, can I help you?"

"Casey Novak?"

"Are you Olivia Benson?" the receptionist asked, straightening her glasses on her nose.

She nodded. "Yes, I am. I just got the message."

She typed something in, then looked at her clipboard before returning to her. "She's on the 3rd floor. Room 302."

"Thank you," she said, bypassing the elevator and scaling the steps quickly, knowing she could get there quicker.

Once she reached the third floor, she saw the doctor coming from the room. "Excuse me?"

"Detective Benson. What can I do for you?"

She leaned against the wall, trying to catch her breath a bit before she spoke. "C-Casey Novak, is she all right?"

His eyes narrowed. "She's okay yes, but…"

She bit her lip, looking down. "C-can I see her?"

He nodded. "Right in there. But just so you know, she's been unconscious since she was brought in, so…"

She sighed. "She doesn't know."

He nodded. "Correct. Would you like me to be the one to tell her with you in with her?"

"Yes. I'll try not to wake her too soon though. She'd been worried about this."

"It doesn't look like she was too far along."

Olivia shook her head. "No, only about two months."

"I'll stay in the area."

She nodded, walking quietly into the room and sitting in the chair by Casey's bed. Gently, she took her hand, bringing it to her lips to kiss it softly and rubbing her knuckles as she took it in both hands, laying her head on the bed.

Thirty minutes later, Casey turned her head, her opposite hand stroking Olivia's hair. She swallowed hard, terrified of the pain she had felt before collapsing in court. If Olivia was holding her hand in such a vice-like grip, Casey figured the news wasn't good. "..Olivia?" she whispered, continuing to stroke her hair.

Olivia was aware of her the second she'd started stroking her hair, but what was she supposed to say? They'd both wanted this for so long and now...

"Liv, please?" she asked as her voice cracked. "I know you're awake."

Sighing, she turned her head toward her. "Hey."

"What happened? Why am I here?"

Olivia took a breath, rubbing Casey's knuckles. "You collapsed. After court. I came in from lunch and Elliot gave me the message."

Absentmindedly, the hand that had been running through Olivia's hair flew to her stomach. "..Liv...? Liv, please say I'm wrong, say I'm overreacting!"

"You're wrong. You're overreacting," she said in a dull, unenthusiastic tone. "There," she sat up, "do you feel any better?"


The doctor walked in minutes later. "Ah, you're awake," he said, clearing his throat.

He knew from experience that this had to be the hardest part of his job. Telling a couple that their hopes and dreams of having a family were now gone. There was never an easy way to start this conversation either. "Miss Novak, when you arrived earlier you were unconscious."

"I'm aware of that doctor. Could you please tell me if my, our baby, is ok?"

Dr. Jones looked at Olivia before looking back at Casey. "I'm sorry Casey. You had what is called an ectopic pregnancy. Basically, the fertilized egg attached itself to the outside of the uterine wall."

"NO NO NO." Casey cried as she gripped Olivia's hand for dear life.

"I'm sorry. There was nothing we could have done to save the baby. You were lucky that it occurred when it did."

"Lucky?!" Casey cried out "How can you deem me losing our child lucky?"

"If not caught early enough ma'am, it can lead to internal hemorrhaging, which is a life-threatening complication."

Olivia got up and sat on the bed, holding her tight. "H-how common is this? Is Casey going to be okay, physically?" she asked as she cried into her shoulder. "Is there a chance for conceiving again after this?"

"Physically, yes, she will be fine and after a few months if you like you can try again for a child. An average of 20 pregnancies out of a 1000 result in an ectopic pregnancy. There are no certain determining factors on what causes ectopic pregnancies either."

She nodded. "Could you give us a little while alone, please?"

He nodded, walking from the room.

Olivia laid next to her, holding her close, her hands running up and down her back as she felt her tremble. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. I wish...there was something I could do. What can I do?" she asked as her phone rang in her pocket, which she ignored, continuing to try to comfort her. "I'm sorry," she whispered again, into her hair.

"Why are you sorry? You're not the one who lost a child."

She shook her head. "Yes I have. We have. Unless you've been secretly dating someone behind my back and it's theirs. You haven't...have you?"

Casey's hand flew and made contact with Olivia's face before she even realized what she was doing."You have a lot of nerve to ask me that! How many times do I have to tell you it's you? It's always been you, and will always be you. But since you don't seem to believe that, get out."

Olivia shook her head. "It was rhetorical, sweetie," she said, rubbing her cheek. "I-I...I'm sorry, I really shouldn't have... It wasn't only you who lost that child was my point. I guess I thought, stupidly, it would lighten the mood if you... You know what? Forget it, okay? I believe you. I...it's not right of me to just leave. I can feel you're in pain and I want to do what I can to help."

"If you really want to do what you can to help then leave please." Casey cried as she turned away from Olivia "I want to be alone right now."

She nodded, kissing her cheek. "Just call me. I love you."

She walked out, calling Elliot back. "Yeah?"

"How's Casey?"


"Lost it?"

"Ectopic and now she wants to be alone, so... yeah I know I shouldn't leave, but she was pretty insistent. Maybe I'll just sit out in the waiting room for a bit. I'll be in...when I can be." She closed the phone, taking a seat in the waiting room, not sure where to go next.

Author's Note: So what do you think?

Please read & review!

Liv-x-Lex4Ever & livsgirl