"Lillian, I have something for you."
What? Why would he get her something? Didn't be hate her? "What is it?"
He opened the door to one of the TARDIS' extra rooms. Maybe this will shut her up, he thought as Jack walked out.
"Captain Jack Harkness," he grinned and stuck out his hand. "And-"
"OH MY GOD YES!" She hugged him.
Oh, Jack, the Doctor said in his mind. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry...
"Marry me! Not to sound like Donna to Lance or anything... But you won't feed me to a giant spider, right?"
"Sorry, Jack, can't help you here."
"Please, Jack! Or just sleep in my bed! Let me see you shirtless! Kiss me! Do something!"
What was he going to do? After all, he had to make her and the Doctor happy. "Alright-"
Something burst open the door. The three of them stepped back a bit when they saw a white dalek. "EXTERMINATE!"
The Doctor whispered to Lillian and Jack, "Ok... On the count of three, we-"
"Wait, wait, wait," Jack held his arms out, speaking to the dalek. "If you're a dalek, why are you white?"
Lillian gave him a "Did you really just say that?" look. "Oh my God, Jack. You can't just ask something why it's white."
"EXTERMINATE!" It screamed again.
And that gave Lillian an opportunity to give it a speech. "Really? All you do is exterminate! It's boring after a while! Why don't you do something else? Become a rapper! A dancer! A painter! A cook! I mean, look at your... Arm-thingy, whatever it's called: it's a whisk! A plumber! You have a bloody plunger attached to you! An exterminator, for God's sake!"
It held its eyestalk down in shame. "I- apologize."
"You better! Now come with me!" She walked off. It rolled after her, eyestalk still down.
(A few minutes later)
"I wonder if everything's ok..." Jack thought out loud.
"I wouldn't worry," the Doctor replied.
Suddenly, the door to Lillian's room opened to the dalek... In a tutu and covered in makeup. "I- surrender!"
"Bit late for that now, hon, we gotta get you a wig!" Lillian dragged it back in.
AN- thanks pot those who favorited/reviewed! And about the Mean Girls reference: I had to XD