Chapter IV: Oasis
They were silent for the great majority of the trip. They were tested against the elements, which was never a pleasant experience. It tired them out much quicker, because of the temperature change. It also made the walk seem much longer than it actually was.
"A light!" Envy cried out. "I see a light!"
"What if it's a mirage?" Lust asked.
"DAMN YOU, I SEE A LIGHT!" Envy screamed.
"Oh wait, I see it too." Lust chimed.
"Me too!" Gluttony hopped.
"That's Oasis." Father said. "We're almost there."
"YES!" Envy exclaimed. "Envy was right!"
"Finally, warmth!" Lust shivered.
"FOOOOOOOOD!" Gluttony cheered and ran ahead of them.
"You're going to tire yourself out." Father called. In mere seconds, Gluttony fell flat on his face. "We're not going to carry you."
"So hungry, though..." Gluttony muffled. "Sand tastes bad." He tried brushing it off his tongue.
"How does Greed make this trip every day?" Envy groaned. "I'm exhausted!"
"Desperation." Lust teased.
"What happened to the whole... small child thing?" Envy frowned.
"His face is buried in sand." Lust said. "He can't hear us."
"Tastes bad." Gluttony was trying to get sand off his tongue without much success. "Help, daddy."
"Come on." Father held out his hand and helped the child up. "We'll get you food soon."
Lust and Envy were having some dirty conversation in the background. Father was appalled, but Gluttony couldn't understand a word they were saying. The innuendos flew over his head. Once they were close enough to the palm trees, they were technically in Amestris.
"We're here." Father said, interrupting a heated debate in the background.
"Yay!" Gluttony threw his hands up in the air.
"Hey Envy, you know what would be great?" Lust grinned.
"What?" Envy glanced over.
"You should do your hair like that." Lust pointed to the towering palm trees.
"Come on, you can't be serious." Envy said. "That would look ridiculous!"
"Not as ridiculous as that pony tail." Lust laughed.
"What, you think having palm tree hair would make me look hip?" Envy asked.
"Yeah." Lust held onto her stomach, trying to stop her laughter.
"Hmmm..." Envy studied the trees intently. After getting some visuals in his head, he shapeshifted his hair to resemble them. His straight hair jutted out like fronds in several directions. Lust's laughter became more hysterical. "You said it'd be cool!" Envy yelled, attempting to kick her.
Lust dodged him with her razor-sharp, extendable fingernails. "It looked great in my head, but..." She continued laughing.
"I actually like it." Envy held onto a floating strand of hair. "Yeah!"
"Envy, stop playing with your hair." Father said. "People are staring."
Sure enough, several witnesses watched Envy's magical, morphing hair. Dozens of phrases were thrown around, the most popular one being, "Was that alchemy? I can't believe that was alchemy!" Envy grinned. "These puny humans are really inflating my ego. They make something so easy out to be something impossible."
"It's just because they're doubters." Lust explained. "I think it would be best not to draw attention to ourselves, though. We're as bizarre enough as it is."
"We'll stay the night at Oasis Inn." Father told them. "Please, no wreckless or inhuman behavior. It will spoil our entire plan."
"Isn't it impossible for a non-human to act human?" Envy twitched.
"It's possible." Father said. "Most of you is human, anyway."
Envy grumbled under his breath in disagreement, but Lust and Gluttony nodded in agreement.
Inside the inn, Father went to pay for the two rooms. Before he spoke to anyone, he turned to Lust and handed her some money. "There's a restaurant here on the first floor. Please feed Gluttony. I'm starting to feel weak."
"Okay." Lust took the money and slipped it into her cleavage for safe keeping. Gluttony was staring the entire time, but it didn't make her feel weird... until she realized that Envy was staring too. She smacked Envy. "That's for the weird conversation we had earlier."
"You're so violent, woman." Envy yapped. "Now my head hurts."
"Come on, Gluttony." She held out her hand, and he took it. "Let's get you some food."
"Yay, food!" Gluttony cheered.
"I think I have a concussion." Envy groaned, rubbing his head.
"You can come if you want." Lust offered.
"Come, Envy!" Gluttony agreed happily.
Envy sighed and followed. "Only if you stop hitting me."
In the restaurant, Lust carefully examined the menu. She wasn't sure if Gluttony had ever tried anything they offered. "Hey Gluttony, have you ever tried steak?" She asked.
"What's that?" Gluttony blinked.
"I'll take that as a no." She continued flipping through the pages. "How about fish?"
"What's a fish?" Gluttony tilted his head.
"Nope." She continued flipping. "Salad?"
"Wha?" Gluttony looked confused.
Lust groaned. "Envy. If you had a stomach, what would you eat?"
"I'm a shapeshifter." Envy said. "I can make myself a stomach."
"Oh." Lust blinked. "What do you want to eat, then?"
"Why do you ask?" Envy folded his arms.
"If Gluttony doesn't like something, I don't want it to go to waste." Lust said.
"He's Gluttony." Envy pouted. "He's supposed to be capable of eating every known material on Earth."
"Please, Envy?" Lust sighed. "Choose something that you're okay with eating?"
"Fine, whatever." Envy glanced at the menu for a few seconds. "Chicken."
"You're sure?" Lust asked.
"Yeah, it's okay." Envy said. "It's the closest to human that they've got on the menu. I'm sure Gluttony would like the substitute."
"I don't like humans!" Gluttony stuck out his tongue. "I like humus!"
Envy wasn't about to burst his bubble if he wanted to see the dawn of a new day. Telling Gluttony that humus was humans would probably break his little mind. Lust also prevented herself from giving that secret away.
"Do you want chicken?" Lust asked.
"What's chicken?" Gluttony asked.
"It's a bird." Envy replied.
"Bird?" Gluttony said. "Chirp chirp?"
"Yeah!" Envy grinned.
"Dead bird?" Gluttony tilted his head.
"Yup!" Envy was still grinning.
"Hmm..." Gluttony thought. "Okay."
"Sold!" Envy slammed the menu down. "Buy the chicken, Boobs." Lust smacked Envy so hard, he broke the chair when he landed. Gluttony stared with his jaw dropped open. "Small child! Violence!" Envy squeaked from the floor.
"Be back, sweetie." Lust patted Gluttony's head. She swiftly left to buy the food.
Gluttony's eyes watered up. "Envy still alive?"
"Yeah, Envy lives..." Envy groaned and propped himself upright. He pulled up a new chair. "Damn that hurt." He rubbed the back of his head. "I think she killed me once or twice just now."
"Uh-oh!" Gluttony had never died before, but all of his siblings had experienced it at least once by this point. He was worried, because he heard that it hurt to die. "Want me to kiss it better?"
"... Are you serious?" Envy glared at him.
"Yes!" Gluttony stared. "Serious!" Without warning, he leaned over and planted a small kiss on Envy's arm. "There!"
Envy's eyes went wide. He never received any affection from his other siblings. "Why, thank you." He blushed.
"You're welcome!" Gluttony said with increasing determination. "I want big brother Envy to get better."
"I'm not actually your brother." Envy scratched the back of his head. "I'm not really your sister, either."
"Huh?" Gluttony tilted his head.
"I was made special." Envy said softly, which was unusual for him. "I'm just your older sibling..." He glanced over, wondering if Gluttony would accept, or even understand, what he just said.
"Envy has no gender?" Gluttony asked.
"That's right!" Envy grinned. "Father made me without it."
Gluttony smiled. "So you're my sither?"
"Sister-brother?" Envy blinked. "Sure!" He started getting attached to the little kid. "Say, when did you get so smart so quickly?"
"I ate." Gluttony smiled. "It helped me think."
"You know what?" Envy tilted his head and analyzed the simplistic facial features of his younger brother. "You really are cute... Lust was right about something for once."
"Thank you." Gluttony blushed.
"Chicken." Lust set the plate down on the table. "Do you two think you can eat all this?"
"No problem." Envy said. "Say, how did they react when you pulled money out of your boobs?"
Lust folded her arms. "I don't have any pockets on me. Where else was I supposed to put it?"
"You could have had Gluttony swallow it and regurgitate it for you." Envy suggested.
"His stomach doesn't work backwards." Lust face-palmed. "Otherwise, that would be a great idea."
"I had pockets." Envy said. They were both silent for several seconds.
"You had to tell me that now?" Lust fumed.
"Sorry." Envy picked at a piece of chicken. "You were too busy killing me."
Lust sat down beside Gluttony and Envy, and placed her head down on the table. "Lust?" Gluttony poked her, even though she wouldn't move.
"She's embarrassed." Envy chuckled.
"Why?" Gluttony frowned.
"You don't get it, do you?" Envy snickered.
"No..." Gluttony pondered.
"Ah well, eat up." Envy handed him a piece of chicken.
Gluttony sniffed it, trying to pick up that strange, unique scent. Blood. How he loved blood. It reminded him of the humus. He quickly devoured that single piece, and went on to take most of them. Envy was a slow eater, casually taking a long time to chew even the smallest bites. He stared off into the distance, deep in thought, while Gluttony devoured with no thought. After a while, Lust watched them, probably feeling left out. "What's it like?" She finally asked.
"What's what like?" Envy replied casually.
"What's it like to eat?" Lust asked, staring at Envy intently.
"It's great." Envy answered, chewing a little faster.
"No." Lust flustered when she didn't get the answer she wanted. "Tell me what it's like."
"Well..." Envy pondered. "I guess a great analogy is filling a void."
"Huh?" Lust said, closely analyzing Envy's features. "I don't see a void."
"There's a void inside." Envy said. "A stomach is a void. It usually has nothing in it. When you eat, you're giving it something."
"What's it like to fill a void?" Lust continued asking.
"It's like..." Envy tried to put it in terms Lust would understand. "Getting what you desire."
Suddenly, her eyes lit up. "Now I really feel like I'm missing out." She pouted.
"Can't eat anymore." Gluttony said. He sprawled out his arms and yawned.
"Don't eat then." Envy continued chewing slowly. "You left two pieces. How generous."
"What happened to Gluttony?" Lust's eyes widened.
"Hmm?" Envy tilted his head.
"His belly's big." Lust poked Gluttony. He held onto it with a "Do not want" face. "What happened to him?" She asked.
"Well, where did you think all the chicken went?" Envy asked.
"Inside?" Lust thought out loud, tapping her chin.
"That's right." Envy said. "Chicken filled the void."
"Oh..." Lust cast her gaze on the remaining chicken on the table. "I think I'm starting to understand."
"Full, Lust." Gluttony said, tugging on her arm.
"Does it hurt?" Lust asked, her worrysome expression returning.
"No." Gluttony said. "Just full."
"He's figuring it all out." Envy said. "He'll start telling you everything about everything, because he's a child. Not everything he says is a problem, in fact, none of it even has to make sense. He just wants your attention."
"So cute." Lust said quietly. "Why are children cute?"
"I don't know." Envy replied. "I used to think they were annoying."
"Me too..." Lust said.
Father entered the restaurant, and instantly found his three children. "I got our rooms. It's time to sleep. We've come a long way."
"Okay." Envy stuffed the other two pieces of chicken in his mouth and left.
"Tired, Lust." Gluttony said, tugging on her arm again.
"I don't know if I can pick you up." Lust said, attempting to.
"I'll take him." Father offered, scooping the toddler up into his arms. Despite the weight he packed on, Father was still able to sweep him up easily. "You've grown." He blinked, primarily staring at the child's bloated abdomen.
"That's normal, right?" Lust asked.
"Yes." Father said. "After thirty years, it's about time." Gluttony knew they were talking about him. He just happily wrapped his arms around his loving father and enjoyed listening to their voices as they spoke.
Father had his own room, while the three siblings shared one. There were two beds, so of course, Lust and Envy were fighting over them. Gluttony was on one bed, holding onto his recently filled stomach and watching them argue. "Lust sleep here?" Gluttony pointed to the bed he was on.
"That would be perfect, actually." Envy said. The entire argument was over the fact that Envy tolerated only sleeping alone, while Lust argued over who would take up more space sleeping next to Gluttony - she wanted the child to have as much space as he needed.
Lust seemed frazzled. "I'll take up the whole bed. I'm an adult." She was physically eighteen years old, in human years. After all, she was 180.
"I'd take up just as much." Envy counter-argued. On the other hand, he was 105 years old. He had the mentality of a ten-year-old human, but a lot more wisdom and maturity since he was created with an older body. He had never been a child, and neither had Lust.
"Lust, please?" Gluttony pleaded. "Sleep here?" He continued patting the bed.
"Aw, look." Envy pointed. "He likes you."
That remark made Lust instantly give in. "Fine. I'll sleep here." She collapsed face-first onto the bed.
"Yay, Lust!" Gluttony cheered. "Under the covers, Lust. It's cold."
"Oh yeah." Lust remembered she had been shivering, and she crawled inside.
"NIGHT." Envy shut out the lights, and snored deeply instantly. In pitch darkness, it was extremely annoying, since sound seemed louder once vision was removed from the equation.
Lust groaned, "I hate your snoring, Envy." She breathed slowly and shivered, trying to warm up.
"Nighty, Lust." Gluttony said softly.
A grin spread across her face. She loved how high-pitched his voice was. "Night, Gluttony."
Four chapters in one day. Wow. The reason is that I decided to split chapter three (which was really long) into two short chapters. I like this friendship triangle with Envy, Lust, and Gluttony. It's manga canon. In fact, I think it's also 2003 and 2009 anime canon. It's canon everywhere. It's fun to see their interactions and dynamics as a group. I hope I'm living up to the expectations of this story being humorous. (With a few good serious moments, of course.) I'll continue with quick updates. Read and review, please! It makes for great inspiration.