A/N: Sooooo ever since Nelly performed If I Were A Boy on TGP, I have been brainstorming and writing this story. My dear friend, BSheep, actually has helped me along the way and has contributed with a lot of plot details. Anyway! I was cruisin' on Tumblr when I saw someone made a gif set thing of Quinn with this song and I KNEW I had to hurry and share it before the concept was the "new thing." I have two chapters done but I'm only going to share this one tonight to see if you guys are interested in it.
I'm really hoping you do. I haven't spent as much time in concept and story and details in a story as in this story.
If I Were A Boy, Part I
Sometimes Quinn would be walking down the hallway to class and not even be thinking about Rachel and Finn when she'd spot them talking next to a locker. Finn would usually be towering over Rachel with a scowl on his face, and angry words spewing out of his mouth. Once, she heard him say that she was annoying; another time, Rachel was selfish; and more than once, he told Rachel he didn't listen to much she said.
That one infuriated Quinn the most. Why did Rachel Berry stay with this ridiculous asshole who made her feel like shit?
Well, it's not like she could even argue treating Rachel any better. Their history only serves to prove that she is just as awful as Finn. Slushies, mean words, pornographic pictures of Rachel on the bathroom wall. Humiliating Rachel and bullying her every chance she got. There's no excuse.
Quinn snapped out of her mind when she saw Rachel briefly break eye contact with Finn and stare at her. Across the hallway, it was if a camera zoomed out in a high speed effect, from Rachel's dark eyes all the way to Quinn's bright ones. And just as quickly the eye contact was made, it was torn apart by Rachel who simply smiled sadly at Finn, as if giving up, and walked away.
Before she could stop herself, Quinn was standing in front of the sullen boy, demanding to know what was wrong with him, "what is your problem? Why are you always such a jerk?" She didn't really know what he had said to Rachel, but the way Rachel had walked away with downcast eyes told her he must've hurt her again.
"What- back off, Quinn. This is none of your business."
"Uh," she rolled her eyes and pushed her fingers into his shoulder hard, "yes, it is." She stressed each word and made sure not to break from his gaze.
He, as big and as menacing he should be able to look, shifted his weight nervously and asked, "why? What's in it to you?"
"Nothing," she was quick to answer, because the last thing she needed was Finn Hudson outing her too. But she just couldn't deal with his immature way of treating Rachel. Especially now that she had finally admitted to herself that she liked her.
And Rachel chose to be with Finn; to be engaged to Finn. Daily, Rachel chose to be okay with the way Finn treated her. Even with Quinn giving every hint - overt and discreetly - to Rachel that she wants her.
If she were a boy, Quinn would be a better everything. She would listen to her, she would be a better man... than Finn. And than herself. She would be a better man than she is as a woman to Rachel. Because she wouldn't have to hide how she feels behind empty threats and slushie facials. She would be able to go after Rachel in any way she wanted to and it'd be okay. One, because Rachel is straight, and two, because she wouldn't have to be afraid.
Glee club was always the same. Someone went up there and sang a heartfelt solo about their undying love for someone else and then cried. That someone being Rachel Berry always. This time was not different.
Rachel stood in the middle of the room, staring at each of her friends with what seemed to be a practiced patience. When she felt like it was time, she took a deep breath and began to sing about being completely in love with Finn Hudson. Whom, again, looked constipated and annoyed by Rachel's performance. If Quinn had been the one being serenaded by Rachel with a song by Taylor Swift the way Finn - of all people Finn! - was, she would die happily. But no, that's not her life because she's a girl and afraid, and she doesn't have Rachel.
Oh, what she would do to be a guy. At least for a day. Maybe a week. Enough time to spend it with Rachel without being afraid of the consequences; being completely honest; being the better version of herself.
Half an hour later and Quinn was raising her hand. She had this song on her back pocket for a while now, she's just been terri-fucking-fied of singing it, for obvious reasons. The implications that come with it are too grandiose for her own good.
Would they listen to what she has to say and judge her? Would they think she's in a relationship with a guy who could care less? Or could someone, anyone smart enough, possibly finally figure out what she's been hiding all this time?
She's had her eye out for Kurt, Blaine, Santana, and Britt, because these four have the most honed gaydars out of everyone. Even Rachel with her gay dads clearly has horrible gaydar.
Pushing through her fears, Quinn chose to just go for it for once. She decided to risk it. Better just let this one thing out and feel free of its chains, than keep it in forever and just let it rot her heart away. The beginning of the song came out timid and vulnerable. She searched for strength in nervously switching her weight from left to right and right to left. Eventually, the nerves gave way to the power behind the meaning of the song and Quinn was able to finish it strong.
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong
But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
'Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy
Quinn hoped (but not really) that she didn't sound so spiteful at boys toward the end there. But, apparently she killed the song because everyone was applauding her. Finn himself was clapping and smiling at her like a dork. She wanted him to vanish - the song was about - well, no. It was about and to him; and about and to Rachel; and about and to herself.
Out of the corner of her eye, Quinn caught Rachel trying to push through the pain of something Finn so obviously did (like not giving any second thought or care about her performance to him), to be supportive of Quinn. She was smiling with her mouth, but Quinn knew Rachel Berry. She knew her like the lion stalks his prey. And she could see it in her eyes that Rachel was anything but all smiles on the inside. She was sad, torn, and devastated by this one boy. A boy who was treating Rachel the way Quinn treated him. And that's just not fair, because Finn is a moron, but Rachel is so much better than that.
She sat down and looked around her, quietly receiving the praises and friendly gestures from her friends around her. Once more, she paid specific attention to Santana and Britt, Kurt and Blaine, just to be sure.
Quinn should've been watching out for someone else. Someone smart enough. Because as she sang the lyrics to the song that had been haunting her day and night for the past month, she missed a smile quirk on the lips of a fellow glee-clubber. Someone smart enough to know what she was saying; to hear what she so desperately wished for.
Someone willing to grant her that wish.
Hour: -11, immediately after Glee club meeting
"What's wrong?" She asked when she noticed that the crying was coming from a stall. The sniffling was bothering her, but she saw the shoes under the door and she immediately knew who it was. When she allowed herself to speak to Rachel, she usually went straight to the point.
A timid voice, brimming with tears, asked, "Quinn?"
"Yeah, Rachel. It's me, now open the door and come out here. Let's... talk." It was always a struggle to talk about feelings with Rachel Berry without giving herself away, which is why she either completely avoided the girl or went out of her way to be a bitch. But she was getting tired of seeing Rachel suffer all the time because of Finn, and she really just decided to stop trying convincing the girl otherwise ever since she had that conversation in this same bathroom a few weeks ago telling her not to get married to Finn that Rachel completely decided to ignore.
The door creaked open and from behind it, a puffy-eyed Rachel Berry emerged, smoothing her white skirt and then rubbing the palm of her hands under her eyes. She stalked over to stand in front of the mirror and said, "nothing's wrong, Quinn."
"Oh, my god, Rachel. You did not just try that with me when I can see you're crying." Quinn turned to face Rachel's back in one swift motion and crossed her arms over her chest. The dress she had on flew with the wind caused by the motion.
Rachel stopped trying to fix her running makeup and looked at Quinn's eyes. Quinn felt dizzy and moved to use the sink next to Rachel's for support.
"Wait, are you okay?" Rachel asked and put a hand on Quinn's elbow to steady her when she saw the girl falter a step. "You seem a little pale, and your eyes-" Rachel stopped herself from continuing her sentence, and that only made Quinn wonder why. She looked at her eyes in the mirror and found they were a different color. The green was not solid - it was as if someone took a paintbrush to the iris. On a regular day, even without the sun shining on her eyes, they were much brighter than this - much lighter. The fact that Rachel noticed it, though, means that Rachel knows the exact color of her eyes.
"I'm fine, Rachel," she diverted the subject back to the brunette. "What's up?"
Rachel dropped her hand from Quinn's arm, making her miss the feeling already. "It's Finn, obviously. He's being a jerk because of our engagement and now he's talking about California or something. He called me selfish, and I just - I'm so tired of fighting for someone who doesn't care to fight back. I mean, you saw how I sang for him in there - about how our love can survive whatever test life throws at us, and he just - doesn't care. He never tries anymore. I don't even know why he'd want to marry me if he's going to be like this."
Quinn shook her unruly, blonde hair, and stepped closer, opening her arms, "Rachel, Finn's an asshole." Of course he is, if he makes a girl like Rachel suffer so much. She felt Rachel try to pull away, but then she said, "but he'll realize what he's doing and he'll be better." Because it's what Rachel wanted to hear.
Getting through her homework was not easy. She felt like fainting more than twelve times (she started to count after the third). Her appetite suddenly grew at around 6 P.M. but she burrowed her head in her books and continued studying. Being so close to finals week meant dealing with hunger and the need to die later - like say, during summer time.
Quinn was nothing but if not disciplined. When she told herself she was going to study for four hours in preparation for her Monday exam, she truly stuck to it. But now, four hours later, she was feeling terribly exhausted, and in dire need of a burger with extra bacon; a nice, long, steaming hot shower; and her bed. Eight was not too early to go to bed on a Friday night was it? Does that make her uncool or whatever? Well, who cares? Ever since her baby-gate scandal, and then the Skanks phase when she got that awful tattoo (but she's already had that removed after ten weeks at a dermatologist specialized in tattoo removal), Quinn didn't worry as much about being top of the school. She was content in having a family in her mother and sister, good friends in Santana and Brittany (and even Rachel when she wasn't being annoying with the Finn thing), and the rest of the Glee club as a support system.
So she followed her plan of action. She drove to the nearest Wendy's and got the Baconator with large fries and a large Fanta, plus their chicken nuggets, and a chili - and holy crap, when did she start to eat so much? Well, last time she was eating like this - never mind. That would have been impossible since she hadn't had sex since then.
After food and shower, Quinn dropped in bed. She was not expecting the surprise she'd get first thing in the morning.
At five in the a.m., Quinn woke up with a jolt. She cried in pain and felt like she was drowning for what she thought was an hour (but was really a mere ten seconds). That need to faint came again, even when she was lying down, and she decided that the best she could do for herself was to not get up. So she didn't. She lied there and convinced herself it was nothing, that she was fine, that everything was okay.
She went back to sleep.
Thirteen hours had passed since she first went to bed. Thirteen hours she slept. She felt more tired than the day before but she got up anyway because Frannie was coming into town, and Frannie being in town meant she could spend all day shopping with her sister and not worrying about that barbecue slash-'Let'sGetPumpedForFinalsWeek' party Rachel was throwing at her house later in the afternoon. With summer being around the corner, it promised to be pool weather and that only meant one thing: being around a semi-naked, wet Rachel.
Knowing her sister, she'd probably make her go anyway. Her sister was the only one who knew of her little girl crush so far (and how much she hated herself for it).
Frannie was born and raised in Lima, OH, but she got away as fast as she could, moving to Los Angeles, a place where sexuality doesn't give a fuck. Frannie herself was straight, with a boyfriend - Kyle, really nice dude, - but all she cared for was having her little sister be happy.
It was strange, sitting up and getting up. Her legs felt like lead, and they itched too. Like she hadn't shaved in days. Much like her face, actually.
Groaning, and not without work, she made it to the hallway, where she walked straight into her tall, slender, and beautiful older sister.
"Ouch!" She yelled, bringing her foot up. She clutched it in her hands because Frannie stepped on it and she stepped on it hard. She barely noticed how hairy her legs were when Frannie yelled.
"Ah! Who the fuck are you?" She squinted her eyes at Quinn. Quinn raised an eyebrow at this. Who the fuc- who was she? She was Quinn, why! Was Frannie high? That had to be it. She did look concerned and astonished, a little fearful, too, with her eyes bulging out like that.
"Frannie, what are you talking about? It's me. Quinn!"
Frannie almost laughed out loud at the outrageous lie. "You're not my -" Then she stopped and really paid attention. Slowly, understanding, her eyes started to grow. Then her mouth shaped an 'o' and she gasped. "Holy hell, you are Quinn." Quinn watched as recognition made its presence known again on her sister's features and stepped in to hug her. The hug was a little stiff because she felt sore - her muscles were achy - and because her sister was a bit awkward still.
"Of course it's me. Who'd you think it'd be?" Something between her legs felt uncomfortable. She looked down at the middle of her legs. Her sweats were significantly higher right there. "What the fuck." She exclaimed and then looked at Fannie with a horrified look. "Frannie! Frannie -" her tone of voice increased in pitch rapidly, making her fears known. "What's this? What's that? Why is - why?"
Looking almost apologetic for her, Frannie exhaled deeply. "Quinn, you have to go look at yourself in the mirror." She took her by the hand, and Quinn wobbled to the bathroom, with that tent pitched on her sweats. She knew what that meant, she wasn't dumb, but that was impossible. That sort of stuff was unrealistic and it just didn't happen. When in front of the mirror, Frannie kind of giggled and made Quinn look at her own reflection.
A boy was staring right back at her.
"You've got morning wood, cause you're a dude."
Hour: 5, still in the bathroom
When the feelings to her legs had returned, Quinn pushed herself back up and looked again. Carefully and slowly, she inched her face closer and closer to the mirror until her nose was touching the glass. She closed her eyes and opened them back up. It was a darker green than it had been in the bathroom but they were definitely her eyes. And her nose was her nose. And her mouth - they all just happened to be... slightly manlier. Okay, not slightly. Completely. She looked like a dude.
"Fucking shit, what the fuck?" Coherent sentence, Quinn. She ran a hand, a larger hand, through her shorter blonde hair. At least she was a clean-cut guy.
Frannie, whom she even forgot was in the room behind her, said, "are you okay?"
"Do I look okay, Fran?! I look like a boy!" She whined.
Her sister cracked a smile, and then stifled a laugh when Quinn demanded to know why she was laughing. She tried insisting on 'nothing,' but Quinn's perseverance won. "It's just that... You already have a boy's name, and now you look like one!" She burst out laughing and then steered herself. "I'm just kidding, sis. So - you don't know what happened?"
"No," Quinn gritted out through her teeth, not even slightly amused by Frannie's joke. "I have no idea. I went to bed as Quinn and... Woke up like this."
"Well, well, well. How do we even beging explaining this to anyone?" Frannie wondered out loud. She thought about something for a second, staring hard at Quinn's new body and then asked, "do you have any idea of why this would happen? And why to you?" She sat on the edge of the bathtub and gestured for Quinn to take a seat next to her.
After a few moments considering the questions, Quinn answered, "I think it's the universe's way of giving me a chance; a second chance, if you will."
Frannie liked the thought of that and hummed approvingly. "Sweet, a second chance. But why? Or, rather, a second chance for what?"
Quinn took a deep breath, feeling dizzy at the way the air filled up her lungs, "A second chance with Rachel Berry. To be who she deserves me to be."
"Rachel! This is that girl you're madly in love with, right?" Frannie asked, knowing the answer very well. "I think that this is a great opportunity then. And that you shouldn't freak out and waste it, even if it's a little - odd." The way she smiled took Quinn back to when she had just come out to her sister as being into a girl. Frannie had smiled then, with teary eyes, and pulled her in for a hug, telling her how much she loved her and how proud she was. "Don't mess it up this time, sis." She told her and winked. "Or, should I call you bro?"
Standing up, Quinn chuckled, really taking in what her - well, his sister was telling him. He shifted his weight in front of the mirror and dragged his eyes from Frannie's bright green eyes to the mirror. "Yeah, you're right." He took a deep breath and pulled on the hem of the cotton shirt he was wearing. "I can't waste this opportunity."
"Good attitude. How about you take a shower, because you already totally stink," Frannie started with a face, "I mean, goodness, you've only been a boy for like, five hours?" Shaking her head, she went back to the point, "right, so, shower, and then come to my room. I think I've got just the outfits for your new body." With a sly smile, Frannie left the bathroom.
Quinn shut the door and started to undress himself, slowly peeling off each article of clothing until he was staring at his entire body. Wow, he had a big - gulp - a big... thingy. Down there. He averted his eyes, awkward with himself. He thought about touching it, but felt wrong about it, so he just jumped in the shower and proceeded to wash his body. (He cleaned his new man parts without looking or thinking too hard about it.)