(This might be my favorite story, I don't know why. I just adore Carlos and Rachel so much, I don't ever want it to end =( )
Especially when you've been cheated on. Twice.
The first time it really targets your self-esteem, especially when your self-esteem is already borderline hatred for yourself, and just barely being able to make it. The first time you question what's wrong with you. What do you need to change about yourself in order to keep a guy interested? What could you have possibly done differently that would have maybe saved the relationship. Because naturally when you're cheated on, you just feel like it's all your fault and you desperately want to make the pain go away.
The second time practically kills.
The second time you really start to believe that there's no one out there for you. Then you start to think how stupid of an individual do you have to be to get cheated on, twice? If you thought your self-esteem was low before, you have yet to see rock bottom until you've been cheated on a second time. The pain hurts too bad. It's like someone is performing water torture on you, it's unbearable and makes you want to crawl in a hole and die. You stay by yourself for hours, wondering about your self worth. Dying to just stop feeling any emotions, because it hurts too bad.
All Rachel was able to do was run, which is exactly what she did.
She ran out of the house, she didn't even hear what Carlos was saying to her. Rachel jumped onto her bike and rode home, not hearing a damn thing but her heart breaking inside of her. Rachel was so distraught she ran through four traffic stops, nearly getting clipped by a bus, not the smartest thing she'd ever done, but with the amount of pain she felt, it probably wouldn't have been so bad. When she arrived home she locked her door behind her, all three locks. Carlos only had the key to one of them, there was no way he was getting in. Rachel wanted to be alone right now, so she turned her cell phone off and unplugged the house phone.
Inside she was dying.
Rachel collapsed on the floor and screamed, holding her head between her knees. All she did was sob, sob uncontrollably. How could she let that happen a second time? How could she be so stupid to believe that he really loved her enough to stay with her, when that skimpy, tightly toned blonde was throwing herself at him. The sound of keys at the door alerted her that Carlos was trying to get in.
Carlos hastily kicked Katy out. He screamed at her. Carlos didn't usually scream at women but this was supposed to be the most amazing day of his life, and she ruined it. After forcing her out of his house he ran to his jeep, racing to Rachel's apartment.
When the door wouldn't open he started pounding on it. "Rachel open the door please! I need to talk to you! Baby I love you, this is a huge misunderstanding PLEASE RACHEL!" Carlos pounded on the door frantically. Rachel crawled to her stereo system, turning the music loud enough to drown out the sound of his voice. She scooted herself back against the kitchen counter, holding herself and sobbing. Carlos continued to frantically plead and yell through her door, but his efforts did nothing for him. Rachel couldn't hear Carlos saying he wanted to marry her, that he was proposing that night, that Katy snuck in and forced herself on him, Rachel didn't hear any of the truth.
She sobbed until her chest hurt, even then she continued to cry and hate herself for allowing another man to cheat on her, again, always with someone she believed to be better looking than herself. Even when it hurt to cry and the tears stopped, she still heaved until she felt like she would throw up. She ran to the kitchen sink, vomiting and crying until none of these actions were available to her.
Carlos wasn't exactly feeling like a million bucks either. Logan had gotten home to see the romantic mess and hearing a dog yapping in Carlos' room. Once he called Carlos he was incredibly concerned hearing his voice crack. Carlos always had this happy, soothing tone in his voice, but Logan could hear there was something deeply wrong. The rest of the guys returned home at Logan's request, they needed to be there for Carlos. When Carlos arrived home, the three of them were sitting on the sofa, James holding the puppy on his lap which was fast asleep.
"Want to tell us what happened, Los?" James asked, gesturing to the ring hanging off the collar. Carlos collapsed on the arm chair, his head in his hands.
"I fucked up guys. I fucked up. I had…. I had this whole thing set up for Rachel, I wanted to propose today." The guys nodded, they would have loved to say congratulations to their best friend, but the ring still being with a dog, ad Carlos looking more distressed than they had ever seen didn't exactly scream that it was a happy day. "I left the door open for her, Katy walked in… saying she was going to get me back. Katy pushed me against the couch and kissed me, I pushed her off, she did it again, that's when Rachel walked in… oh god you guys if you would have seen Rachel's face you would have died, it broke my heart." Carlos was staring at the floor holding his head. Logan walked over and sat on the arm of the chair.
"Carlos it's not your fault, you didn't fuck up alright? That stupid bitch Katy ruined it not you, we just have to explain this to Rachel." Logan rubbed his back, but Carlos shook his head.
"I went over there as soon as I could, she put every lock on the door I couldn't get in, and she drowned me out with music."
"I could call her…" James offered.
"Her phone is off, and the house phone is disconnected." Carlos sighed, the guys were quiet, they didn't know what to say. The puppy on James' lap woke up, and recognizing Carlos' smell he ran over to Carlos. He picked him up and hugged the dog close, kissing it on the top of its head.
"Uh…did you name it?" Kendall decided to ask.
"No, I was going to let her name it…" Carlos mumbled quietly, holding the dog close to himself.
When Rachel was finally able to compose herself, well, compose herself to the best of her ability, she walked into her bathroom. The heartbroken woman opened the drawer of her bathroom sink to the supply of shaving razors. Rachel took a deep breath, pulling one out.
Quickly she threw it in the trash, then proceeded to throw out the rest of the razors available to her. Rachel was hurting, badly, and one of the few ways she knew how to deal with hurt was to cut herself, but she wasn't going to do that again. No longer did she want to depend on cold metal slicing through her skin in order to make herself feel better. She was clean since the tour, and she planned on staying that way. Rachel went to the very bottom of her sink where the waxing strips lay, she put it in the main cabinet, then walked out of the bathroom, that's what she would have to rely on from now on. Rachel can't afford the temptation of a safety razor being in her home.
Rachel carried the trash bag outside of her apartment, dumping it in the incinerator before locking herself back inside the secure walls of her apartment. Rachel walked over to her bedroom, closing the door behind her and throwing herself onto her bed.
"Why do I deserve this?" She said aloud to no one but herself. "Why am I the girl that gets cheated on? Why am I the girl that no guy can take seriously? How is it fair for me? I don't do anything wrong. I try to be the best that I can be… I don't understand this." She cried again, she didn't have very many tears left so the cries stopped after a short time. Rachel sat up and grabbed her song journal, picking up a black pen and scribbling dangerously fast.
Rachel managed to stay holed up in her apartment for an entire week. Every day at clockwork, right at three p.m. Carlos would knock on the door, trying to get Rachel's attention and explain his story, yet every time Rachel couldn't hear him. She'd be locked in her room, headphones covering her ears as she listened to music, while writing pieces of her own. No one was able to get in contact with her that week. While everyone felt bad for Carlos, Carlos felt awful for Rachel. He was worried about her. Every day Carlos would ask himself questions about her, was she eating? No Carlos, she wasn't eating, she'd nibble on chocolate or ice cream, but she barely ate. Was she cutting herself? No, thankfully not, she had the self-control to keep herself from falling into those bad thoughts and habits.
Carlos himself was moping around in his room when he wasn't trying to get Rachel's attention. He would lie in his bed, staring at the ceiling while petting the wonderfully behaved dog. James walked into the room, sitting on the edge of Carlos' bed.
"No… I need to see her James. I need to know if she's okay? What if she's cutting herself? She could be doing anything and I don't know what she's doing and I can't help her..
"Carlos, relax…" James patted Carlos' knee. "I doubt Rachel's hurting herself." James said those words, even he couldn't believe them. He knew she had a tendency to cut herself, to take the drastic way of taking care of things rather than talking it out. All they could do was hope that she wasn't doing anything stupid.
"We don't know that. You know how she is." Carlos sighed, sitting up. "I need to get her James."
"Then let's go Carlos."
"But she won't let me in."
"When all else fails, you buy a skeleton key, it unlocks everything."