I Know We Could be So Happy Baby (if we wanted to be)

by Velasa

Inspired by a prompt on the MEKmeme where you write a quick fill for random songs that come on from your music archive. The title track here is by Jeff Buckley, and it broke my heart a little when it came on. I suggest you pull it up while reading this.

This could be considered a prologue to "Survival Lasts Long Past the Last Bullet", as it's the same Shep and Garrus I use in all of my writings. ME3, set right before the end.

Red fire screamed against the blackness of the smoke far into the distance across London, and they sat in silence on the hood of one of the Makos with clenched hands.

"Sometimes I feel like I was born on the battlefield. This place barely registers as home any more, even without being torched."

He nodded, the weight of his tongue in his mouth too much to speak through this time. She should have been talking to the generals, technically there were preparations going on, but she was dawdling with him at this last moment before Hammer's last push to the beam. Her thumb ran over the soft spaces between the plates on the back of his hand- they'd taken their gloves off, the need to touch too strong. "I know the feeling, Shepard. I don't have a problem with where I came from, my parents gave me a good childhood. But... I know what you mean."

Her voice was slightly rough as she leaned into his side, her grip on him tightening. "Tell me about it some more. The beach house."

Damn, this wasn't easy. Why was it so hard to talk about this? She was Shepard, she was coming back. She had to come back. He couldn't keep going without her, he wasn't a separate person any more- he was a part of her and that was all, and he was alright with that. "Warm, white sand. There are a few nice garden worlds between here and Palaven, we could settle in the middle and build it with help from the others because you know they wont let us do it themselves. Grunt would throw a fit if I was so indecent to his mother so as to make her build her own house." She chuckled softly and the sound simultaneously comforted him and tightened the knot in his chest.

"Can I bring Urz?"

"Whatever you want Shepard. As long as the children like him."

"They'll love him. It'll be a few years until we get them though, I want you to myself for a while." Her face disappeared between her hair and his armor as she nuzzled him- her hand trembled just slightly in his but he said nothing about it, only kept talking softly about the future they wanted so badly.

"Fine with me. With all that ocean space, I might finally be able to teach you to snipe. You snipe even worse than you dance, and that's saying something."

"So we'll be killing intergalactic seagulls so you can laugh at my shooting?"

"We could use nonliving targets if you like."

"Garrus, I'll learn to snipe the day you learn to use a shotgun, and that's as likely as the reapers deciding they'd rather be our friends and fixing everything in apology." He felt her wince as she cursed under her breath- "Fuck, sorry, we were trying to talk about something else and there I go sticking my foot in my mouth."

Another heavy swallow, and he moved her out of his side to grip her by the shoulders and press his forehead firmly to hers, looking her in the eyes. "It's alright. Talk about whatever you want, just... just come back to me."

"I might not come back this time. You know that."

"I know. I just can't think about it right now because I need to be watching your six when we're down there. I'm coming with you Shepard, you're not going through this alone. Tali too, she'd be annoyed if I left her out just because she's not in the conversation."

There was a glittering nature to her eyes from the restrained wetness- she was too strong to cry. "No Shepard without Vakarian, yeah. We could have been so happy Garrus. I hate this fucking war."

"There's no Vakarian without Shepard either. I should never have left you."

"Which time?"

"Either time. When we get back, I'm never leaving you again."

"If we get back, love. If."

If she hadn't been wearing her armor his talons would have left bruises their grip had gone so tight. He wanted to argue with her, to shout that it wasn't going to go down that way, that they'd been through too damn much to lose at the last step- but it wasn't what she needed to hear from him right now, the argument was hurting her so he dropped it and tilted his head for a more human kiss in the way they'd learned to do.

They stayed like that, kissing softly until the engine of the tank revved up and the five minute warning was given to suit up and go. If there was any wetness on his face from her tears he said nothing about it. She was coming back, and that was all that mattered. He'd make it happen, Spirits help him.