Author's note: Hello and welcome to my new story. I do not own Degrassi or this song. I only own a unicorn named Stan. Also, please check out my tumblr at .com. Read and review, also.


Do you know
I count your heartbeats before you sleep?
I bite my fingernails to bone.
Now I crawl back under the stairwell
To a place I call my home.


I really hope you enjoy the show,
Because for me, it's just a big game.
You need people like me to fail.

Maya Matlin was supposed to feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. She was wearing a very expensive wedding dress at one of the most exclusive bridal boutiques in Toronto. If anything, she should have felt like a princess with all of her dreams coming true. Instead, her feelings were a mix of sadness and apprehension. Maya was not even sure she wanted to get married, but she really had no other choice. For her, it was either get married or try to fend on her own. The second was not even an option since she had give birth to a son only months ago. A beautiful baby boy who she needed to take care of so she needed to marry the father.

Or the man posing to be the father. Caleb's real father was off living his glamorous life of being a NHL superstar. He had no time for Maya or a baby. To be honest, Campbell Saunders had no idea Maya had even given birth to his son. Maya had said goodbye to him over almost a year ago without mentioning she was carrying his child.

What difference would it have made? Cam worked all of his life to be the best and his chance had come. He was given a spot on the Toronto Maple Leafs and was living out his dreams. The girl in Toronto with the growing baby bump was only after thought when he laced up his skates and played hockey now. At least, that is how Maya believed Cam to view her. He had promised to stay in touch, but eventually he stopped calling. By the time he was disappearing, she was was planning a life for her child alone.

Then, the most unexpected event occurred. Maya was trying to get through her last few months at Degrassi without too many judging eyes when he came up to her. She had barely ever talked to him after they had kissed in grade 9. She and Tori had stopped being friends and Maya had to find a new group of friends among the musicians she played with in the school band. Zig Novak came up to Maya and told her he would be the father to her baby. They had barely spoken in years so she had to laugh at him. Maya was already considered a freak show for being pregnant while still in high school. She had disappointed her whole family, the last thing she needed was some guy messing around with her already out of whack emotions. But there was sincerity in his eyes, hints of feelings which had been buried beneath the surface for years. Zig was being genuine and wanted to be there for Maya.

Now here she was almost six months later in a dress fitting paid for by her parents. They were unhappy with her mistake, but willing to pay for a wedding to save face. Anything to save their precious daughter from looking like the local whore. The Matlins had money so why not use it to solve their problems, right?

The dress tailor beamed and raved about how beautiful Maya looked. She talked about how the dress was made for the young woman and how her wedding day would be the best day of her life and so many other things. Maya got lost in her own thoughts and when the tailor asked her a question, Maya did not respond at first.

"What? What did you say?' Maya asked, pushing a lock of blonde hair behind her ear and looking at the woman standing in front of her.

"Is this the dress you decided on?" the tailor asked with a bright smile, showing no hint of noticing Maya had not been paying attention.

"Yes..." Maya said, feigning a smile. "This dress is perfect. A dream dress for a fairy tale wedding."


Caleb Matthew Novak was a beautiful child. He had his mother's eyes and his father's everything else. It was hard to look at the baby and see how he could even be related to Zig. No one said this out loud of course, but there were always rumors. People found it strange how Maya had been with Cam for the summer and then he was gone. When she was pregnant, she would not name the father and no one stepped forward to claim the unborn child. Until Zig did when Maya was almost six months along. The reason for the secrecy was because he worried what people would think of him and Maya sneaking around while she was still with Cam. But Zig wanted to be a man and be there for his child. Still, the rumors always swirled around the child belonged to Campbell Saunders. Everyone was just respectful enough to keep their mouths shut in front of Maya and Zig.

Maya held the baby in her arms, placing a finger on his chest to count his tiny heartbeats as he began to fall asleep. It was just a way to comfort herself. She used to do the same when she would sleep next to Cam so it was another way to connect her son to his real father. Not that Cam was around, but she still wanted Caleb to know in his heart who he was a part of.

She would never say anything to his face when he got older. Maybe someday, but Zig had done so much for her and her son. He had claimed the child as his own, had taken on a full time job, and found a nice place for the small family to live. He wanted to do right by Maya and working hard was the only way he really knew how. She knew he loved her, but she was unsure of she loved him in return. It was hard to make a choice when she saw Cam in Caleb's eyes all of the time.

Maya placed the baby in his crib and then leaned against the wall next to it. She nervously began to bite her nails until they bled. The more she thought about the approaching wedding, the more she began to get anxious. She was a basket case. She counted Caleb's heartbeats like it was her religion and almost bit her nails down to the bone.

In so many ways, she wished she could crawl into some secret place and disappear forever. Cam go to disappear and not face reality, why wasn't Maya granted the same?

Zig knew Maya was unhappy. And he realized she looked at Caleb and saw Cam. There was nothing he could do to change her feelings except be there for her and do whatever she needed of him. He had loved her since they were fifteen, but that may never be enough. Cam had taken her heart long ago and kept it since.

Last summer before Cam left, Maya was the happiest Zig had ever seen. She was ready for grade 12 and whatever came after. Then Cam was drafted into the NHL or asked to audition, something like that.

Then Cam was just gone without many goodbyes.

And Maya was left with a baby she had created with Cam.

Maya was left to deal with the aftermath while Cam got the fame and fortune.


Zig knew she needed someone so he stepped and said he was the father. That way, Maya would not be so ostracized and ridiculed. It was the least Zig could do after what she had been through. He had hoped she would grow to love him. A year later, he felt like he was still at the same place he started. Maya had no room to love anyone but Campbell Saunders apparently.

When the doorbell rang, Zig was feeding Caleb a bottle and watching some skateboarding on TV. There were not expecting any guests so he just got up to answer the door. He kept his eyes focused on what he was watching while holding the baby and swung open the front door.

Maya spoke before he had the chance to greet their guest.

"Cam?!" she shrieked and stared at the figure in the doorway.

Sure enough, standing in the doorway was Campbell Saunders. He looked at Maya and then looked at the baby.

"I am here for my family," Cam replied, his eyes never leaving Maya's.