Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own them. I wish I did. I own nothing but I do love this show so very much that I can't stay away.
Hi everybody, I'm here again, this time with a long story; it's entirely AU, Steve and Danny are married and Steve have to go away for a classified mission. I hope you enjoy it and I apologize again here and now for my mistakes because English isn't my first language and I haven't a beta for my story. Any review is very welcome.
After their marriage not much had changed, on the contrary practically nothing. They lived together as before, working together as before, Grace was with them two weekends per month as before. The only difference was their awareness of being now a real family. Not that it wasn't so, but now it was also legal and wasn't just an achievement. Certainly, not everyone was a genius, in the HPD there were still dinosaurs that were sarcastic about them, but they didn't care, they loved each other, they didn't hurt anyone and that was enough.
And everything was perfect. Well, perfect for their standards. In fact, they had never discussed as much as in that last period, but had never done so much love. Any excuse was good to end up in bed. Danny thought they looked like two teenagers in heat, and every time he pointed that out to Steve, he laughed and the sound of his laughter filled his heart. Because it wasn't easy to hear Steve really laugh. There seemed to be always a shadow in his eyes, as if he expected that everything that had happened in the past and kept buried inside him, sooner or later jump out and attack him.
When Steve had received that phone call was a Friday night. They had just returned home after a hard day at the end of a heavy week. Danny believed that it wasn't possible to feel more tired than that, and had fallen asleep in the car on the way from the headquarters to their home. On the way they stopped to get two pizzas, none of them wanted to cook.
Then Steve had answered the phone and everything had changed.
Danny had seen him suddenly stiffen at the sight of the ID, exit through the back door and go towards the ocean. He knew immediately that something was wrong. That was the place where Steve took refuge when things got complicated, and he wanted and had to find a solution. He had been watching him from the porch until had seen him put the phone in his pocket. He had seen him stand still for a time that seemed endless, and it was a bad sign, it meant that maybe the solution was not there. Then, finally, he had seen him turn around and go back. He stopped in front of him without speaking. What he had read in his eyes made a thrill of inexplicable fear rise inside himself.
"What happened?" he asked.
"I have to leave" said Steve like he was paralyzed, staring at him.
"Leave? to go where?"
"I can't tell you Danny ... is classified ..." he murmured.
"But ... when? And how long will you be gone?"
"Monday. I don't know how may time I'll be away, depending on the mission ... "
Suddenly Danny had turned around and had returned into the house. Steve was in the reserves, they could bring him back any time, it's a possibility that could not be ignored. But it couldn't be true. No, absolutely not. It was Friday night. Monday was after only two days ... Two days and Steve would have gone somewhere, doing who knows what and for who knows how long. And who knows if he would be back ... the very idea gave him nausea and he rushed to the bathroom closing in.
Steve ran after him and stood behind the door.
"Danny! Please ... now I come in, right?" and, without waiting for an answer, flung it open.
He found Danny with his elbows on the sink.
"Danny ..." he whispered, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Danny broke free and went into the living room and started to walk back and forth.
"Why? Why you? There is no one else in the reserve able to do what you're supposed to do? You're really the only one?"
He had raised his voice and was the panic that making him to act like that, he knew, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't lose Steve, not now that they were finally married, he couldn't, no, no, no ...
Steve grabbed him by the arms and stood in front of him.
"Danny listen to me. We both knew that could happen. I'm in the reserve, now are more than two years that I was recall and I was almost convinced that it would never happen again but it was not so. I wouldn't even go. Just the thought to stay away for God knows how long it's already killing me. But I can't choose. I am a Navy SEAL. I have to go. Look at me Danny, please, don't make it even more difficult than it already is ... "
Danny looked up, stared into Steve's eyes and saw that Steve was just as desperate as he was.
It was like that all the anger he had heard up to that time had slipped away from his soul and leaned his forehead against Steve's chest, who held him in his arms.
Since that moment, both lived those last two days as in a limbo. It was as if everything around them come wrapped in a blanket of fog. The world doesn't really exist, there were only the two of them, their bodies, their minds and their hearts.
The last night, in bed, they were embracing in the dark, with only the light of the full moon that illuminated the room, entering through the open windows, after having made love intensely, for hours. Danny was holding him tightly, as if Steve were to disappear at any moment and he thought he really was. The next day he would be gone somewhere, could not tell him, he even know it yet, and who knows when and if he could hear his voice again.
"Steve ..." he murmured.
"You think you can call me? Or write to me? Or maybe send me an e-mail?"
"I don't know Danny. It will be difficult. The last time we couldn't talk to anyone for months. If I can I will for sure ... but I don't know. I feel ... "and he paused, his voice was breaking.
Danny propped himself up on one elbow, looked at him and saw that look in his eyes, a look that he didn't see since they had returned from North Korea. Like that last time, he looked so lost. Danny put his hand on Steve's cheek and, with his thumb, wiped away the single tear that fell on his face.
"Talk to me Steve, talk to me ..."
Steve closed his eyes for a moment, leaning back against the headboard and then began to speak softly.
"When I was in Coronado, pause's moments between one mission and the other, never passed. We trained constantly to make sure we were ready, but what we all expected was the moment when we should have been used somewhere. And when the time came ... it was normal to prepare the bag and go. There was nothing to get really away from, nothing that I was really bonded. I had only my friends and they would come with me, so that was fine. But it's different now. Now everything is changed. Now that I finally have something that I care about is damn difficult to prepare the bag and leave ..." and turned to Danny, burying his face in his neck.
"The thought of going away… it's like something inside me is breaking ... – he continued - it hurts so much ... I don't know how to do this Danny ...".
Danny didn't say anything, he seemed to have some barbed wire in his throat. And he just hugged him.