Author's Note: Little alternative ending to the 'Going Home' chapter, where Kelsey has a little talk with herself. She's not crazy, just needs a pep talk from her common sense. Takes place after Kelsey's heartbreak scene at the end of Tiger's Curse and the start of Tiger's Quest. This story will also be my first song-fic.
Disclaimer: The Tiger's Curse saga is the soul property of Colleen Houck. The song "I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" belongs to Disney's Hercules. I own nothing put the parody idea for this story.
"Spreading out my quilt over my legs, I leaned back in the reclined chair, stared at the ceiling of the airplane, and listened to a song called "One Last Cry." Keeping the volume soft and low, I placed Fanindra on my lap and stroked her gleaming coils. The snake's jeweled eyes softly illuminated the cabin of the plane, and the green glow comforted me as I let the music fill the empty place in my soul." (Houck 2)
Leaving was the right thing to do. Now Ren will realize we would never work out and could find someone beautiful, someone better than me. But darn it why does it have to hurt so much?! I felt tears begin to sting at the back of my eyes.
"No! I won't shed any more tears for him. I'm going back home and I'm going to forget all about Mr. Wonderful. I'm going to live in the normal world as a normal girl, and have a normal life. I'll go to college, get a regular job and maybe, just maybe in a year or two, I'll start dating again. By then Mr. Kadam and Nilima will have helped Ren break the curse. As far as I'm concerned, he will forget I ever existed, just like I'll forget about him."
If there's a prize for rotten judgment
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!
Wow, are you in denial. Ren is in love with you and you're putting the guy on some pedestal. News flash! He's a guy, not an Indian god. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be honest for once.
Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of
"Oh great, now I'm hearing voices. Well I'll just tune it out. I know I'm right." I was glad that Nilima had left me alone. The last thing I needed was for someone hear me talking to myself like a crazy person. I looked back down at Fanindra as she remained coiled in my lap. Her green eyes seemed to glow even brighter at me. If only she could talk. Then maybe I could have someone to talk to besides my annoying subconscious.
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
If you're right, then why do you feel so miserable. Wake up Kells. You're in love. You want to be with Ren. You told him you loved him. Why are you being so stubborn?
You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh
It's too cliché
I won't say I'm in love
"Why can't I be with Ren? Because it's impossible. Look at me. I'm a Plain Jane; I have no physical beauty whatsoever and I end up having my first crush on a guy who isn't in my league, let alone my class. He's a prince and I'm the servant girl. It just wouldn't work."
Ok this was just getting ridiculous. Now I was arguing with myself? I must be a mess if I've reduced to debates with my own subconscious.
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
"I never had a boyfriend before. But I've seen to many romance movies, and read to many novels, to know how love works. The plain girl never gets the handsome prince. Sure, he would love her for a little while, but when something better comes along, he drops the girl and never looks back. I knew Ren would break my heart the moment I trusted it enough to place it in his hands. Now that I'm gone, I won't have to risk him breaking it."
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad
Well you kinda already gave your heart to him. Why else would you feel so empty now that he's gone? And stop putting yourself down! Remember what Ren said the first time you tried to dump him? Well, you're wrong, Kelsey. Wrong about yourself and wrong about me! Ren saw that you were lying to yourself then, and he'd scold you for lying to yourself now. You say you're not pretty and that Ren will never love you, when the truth is you're beautiful and Ren's love for you is as strong as your love for him.
No chance, now way
I won't say it, no, no
"No! it's a lie! I'm not pretty. I've never been attractive in my entire life. And I don't love Ren anymore."
Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love
Now you're really lying to yourself. Kelsey, please, for once in your life, stop seeing yourself as the frumpy girl who no guy would take a second glance at. You are beautiful, girl. Try seeing yourself through Ren's eyes.
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love
"See myself through Ren's eyes? Yeah right? Let's see: I'm a small, pale girl with dopey brown eyes, and brown hair. Oh yeah, Mike's got his shotgun aimed at the door while those love-sick boys try to break it down." My subconscious was becoming ridiculous.
You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love
You know that's not it. You have fair skin, and fawn eyes that sparkle when you smile. Your hair flows in golden-brown waves down your back, and when it's braided, it makes you look elegant, not like a librarian. This is how Ren sees you. And not just Ren. Mr. Kadam sees you as an intelligent girl; Nilima thinks you're pretty; Kishan… Well, we both know how Kishan feels. The point is they can all see it. Why can't you?
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it
"Just STOP IT! ALRIGHT! I've had it!" I yelled. "I am so tired of hearing all this. What does it matter anyway? I left. Plain and simple. As far as I'm concerned, it's over." I felt tears prick at the back of my eyes. I didn't want to hear this, any of this. I just wanted a normal life, with no complications and no pain. I didn't want to worry about getting my heart broken or if I was beautiful. I didn't want to listen any more. Because part of me knew… knew what it all meant…
Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love
… it was all true.
Yet, strangely enough, it did make me feel better. So I loved Ren, I could accept that. I think I can even start to except I might be good enough for him. I looked at the window and saw my reflection staring back at me. I could hear that same voice whispering, Take of that mask you've hid behind for so long, and take a look at real you, just waiting to get out. As I looked at the reflection, I saw a very pretty girl but, despite her beauty, she had such sadness in her eyes. Her eyes held so much pain and longing, and her cheeks were faintly stained with tears. I didn't recognize this girl at first. So I looked again. And this time, who she was. I saw… me.
See? You are beautiful. You can't hide from pain Kelsey. Love isn't like the fairy tales where everyone lives Happily Ever After. Real love is putting your heart out there for someone else. Yes, it can be broken a few times, and there will be pain. But when you find that one person, that one special person, everything changes. They'll take your heart and make it whole, so that you feel like it was never broken in the first place.
Now that doesn't mean you and your special person won't have complications. The world will do everything in its power to drive the two of you apart. You'll face trials and tribulations, and at times it will seem like its to much and you should give up. But the fact that you come out of each of those trials only strengthens that love.
Maybe I did make the right choice after all. We had only just met and our adventures had us caught up in the romance. But what if there was something more? If, somehow, Fate intended us to be together, then we'd find each other again, right? And if that day comes, then my heart will tell me and I'll know it's right.
But that didn't mean I'd let Ren win so easily. Oh no. He was going to have to work for it, and not use his endearing, and alluring, charms to win me over. First I need to get over our break-up (not that we were actually dating in the first place). I wanted to be the new and improved Kelsey next time I saw Ren. Good-bye to the scared, unsure girl who would melt at the slightest touch or whisper from Ren. It was time for the more assertive and confident Kelsey to shine.
For the first time since I'd left India, I felt a smile on my face.
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love
AN: I hope I did ok. It was my first song-fic. I've read a few and I hope I wrote it just right. If the song doesn't work, then I hope at least you liked Kelsey's little self-doubt struggle. Well, it's 1:15 am so I is going to go to bed now. Goodnight all and please leave any comments, whether is to like the story, or maybe how I can improve for next time.