Sequel to De Profundis, takes place post Angels Take Manhattan. I got inspired to do this because of the loss of Rory and Amy, because of Rivers comment about "one psychopath per TARDIS" and because of a quote I saw awhile back from Matt Smith.
"That's what interests me about The Doctor because, actually, look at the blood on the man's hands. 900 years, countless very selfish choices, and he's literally blown planets up. His own race, you know, that's all on his hands. Which is why I think he has to make silly jokes and wear a fez. Because if he didn't, he'd hang himself."
That "because if he didn't, he'd hang himself", combined with the self righteous yet wonderful speech he gave to Kahler-Jex in "A Town Called Mercy" made this too good to pass up. To hear the Doctor, out of all people reprimand someone for choosing their own punishment was too deliciously ironic. So, I decided to write a little something about it and add my own twist.
There's a cat o' nine tails. The Doctor suspended in mid air. Blindfolds and a little erotic asphyxiation.
This is Dark. Dark, dark, dark, dark, Doctor. Masochistic Doctor. Passively suicidal Doctor.
I hope you like it.
Failing that I just hope it disturbs you.
"Give him enough rope and perhaps he'll hang us all."
"I thought you were done with all that." Jack said. He was sitting across from me sipping from a coffee mug as we spoke in hushed tones at a cafe in Cardiff.
We must have made quite a strange sight. He in his WWII greatcoat, me in my tweed and bowtie. Neither of us, I imagined, looked like we fit anywhere. Then again Jack always looked incongruous to me. He didn't match anything, he had no place. To me he would always scream anomaly. He was a walking fixed point in time, he was a matter of fact, he was friend and in some ways he would always sicken me.
"New face and all," he continued, "I thought there might be new..."
"No." I said quietly. "It never goes away, the face changes, the needs don't. I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important, Jack. I'm...going rather barmy. I can't concentrate. I can't sleep. I'm traveling alone now, you see."
I watched as Jack regarded me. He didn't ask. I'd never introduced him to Amy or Rory, I couldn't bear to see that challenging look in his eyes. The look that chastened me for my selfishness, my arrogance, my willingness to sacrifice people to get my way. He should know, I suppose. He was another person caught in my wake. Another person whose future I knew and had to keep secret.
"What is it you want?" he asked pointedly.
I shifted uncomfortably. I'd been waiting for him to mention why I had taken so long to come round to see him and then when I did I was asking for this. So far he hadn't.
"You know what I want, Jack. The TARDIS is parked where you can normally find it. If you want to help me, I'll be there for the next five hours, if not...I suppose I'll see you around."
"Doctor..." he said but I had already risen.
There was nothing to talk about. He understood perfectly well. He and my ninth had had one encounter. I'd shown up, out of the blue, landed the bloody TARDIS right in front of him as a matter of fact, flung open the doors and said; "Get in."
That had been a corker. Best thing about old Jack, back then he didn't need a reason. I dragged him inside, snapped a dog collar around his neck and we spent the next day slapping, punching and fucking the hell out of each other. And that was before he was this immortal thing he is now. Nine liked it rough, mutually rough and Jack seemed game for anything. I left him with a black eye and he left me with deep scratches that ran up and down my back along with a few dozen candle wax burns. We promised to meet up and do it again sometime but never got the chance.
Ten, blimey ten was more of a self flagellator that was how he got his kicks. Honey and blood I call him. So guilty, so crushingly guilty but so willing to choose his own punishment and then to get off on it as he did it. Oh the sanctimony of what I told Kahler-Jex, screamedat him. "Oh, I know exactly what you are, and I see this reformation for what it really is. You committed an atrocity and chose this as your punishment. Don't get me wrong: good choice. Civilized hours, lots of adulation, nice weather, but, BUT justice doesn't work like that! You don't get to decide when and how your debt is paid!"
It was a good speech and one I'd practiced in the mirror nearly every night. Call it a bedtime affirmation. That wasn't just about him, that was me. That was Ten, serving out my prison, when and where and how I saw fit, leaving whenever it suited me, like River. Ten thought his suffering too noble to do what Nine had done. He'd rather play at games with Rose, torture Martha so he could feel bad about it. He never would have imagined what I would do.
I doubted Jack would come. There'd probably be some sudden call from Torchwood, an apologetic message. I don't think he knew what to make of this incarnation yet and perhaps he didn't want to find out. Can't say as I blame him.
As the TARDIS refueled I kept myself busy. In case he did come I made ready the gaming room. Fresh linens for the bed, all the toys and instruments sterilized and sterilized again, everything neatly in its place. Then with nothing left to do I returned to the console room, sat down and waited.
Three minutes before I intended to leave there was a knock on the door.
I was on my feet like a shot and hopefully managed to wipe the eagerness from my face before I let him in.
Unlocking the latch I opened the door and stepped back to let him inside.
He entered, I shut the door and when I turned about he pulled me in for a kiss. It was good and smothering, Jack attacked you with his kisses and today that was just up my alley. Something clattered to the ground at our feet but I didn't pay it any mind.
"Our first kiss, with your new face at least." he offered me a broad grin.
"Yeah, lets have another." I said smashing my mouth into his. I felt him react with surprise before accepting my aggressive advance. Best to clarify things now. Best to let him know what I wanted.
"Wow...Doctor..." he said with surprise as I ripped my lips away from him before turning my attention to his neck.
I started to suck, hard, eager to mark him.
"It's going to be a little bit different this time, Jack. Is that ok?" I asked.
"Yeah, definitely, looking forward to it." he was already breathless and I could feel the excitement thrumming off of him. I watched him drop his coat to the TARDIS floor and I put my hands on his pecs relishing the musculature beneath.
"I really want this, Doctor. I'm sorry I was late."
"Don't give it another thought." I answered sinking my teeth into his shoulder. When he didn't yelp but instead groaned I bit a little harder.
"Jack..." I said hesitantly.
"What is it, darling?" his eyes were closed and I noted the flush that had risen to his lips and cheeks.
"Darling." I repeated with a small smile. "I don't think you're going to like me much when this is all over."
"What?" his eyes opened to stare at me quizzically.
"Nothing. Come with me." I said taking him by the hand.
"Yes, sir. Oh hey, wait." he stopped and knelt down to pick up a small case, it must have been what had fallen to the floor when we kissed. "Brought us a little something."
"Great, follow me."
I started off toward the TARDIS stairs and heard his footfalls behind me. We took a few twists and turns and after a moment Jack speaks.
"We're not going to you bedroom?" he asked unsurely.
I was surprised that he was familiar enough with my ship to know that wasn't where we were headed.
"No, not today."
I stopped outside the the door to the game room, took a deep breath and looked at him. Unlocking it I stepped inside and waited for him to follow.
I was both attracted and repelled to how his eyes widened as he drank in the wall covered with neatly arranged bondage and S&M equipment.
Jack started to speak but all that came out was an unintelligible little croak. i tilted my head and looked at him, wondering if he'd bolt. He tried again.
"What, you mean collecting these things? No, Jack this room has always been here, for ages and ages. This has always been a part of me at one time or another.
"I feel kind of silly now." he said with a forced chuckle.
"Why is that?" I placed a hand on his arm that I hoped was comforting.
He patted the case. "I considered myself daring for having brought some zero gravity handcuffs and a few feathers."
"I appreciate the effort. Shall we undress?" I asked, eager to begin.
"Let me." he said and as he set his hands to tenderly removed my jacket I froze. I didn't want tenderness. Kindness was an impediment to everything. His bloody caring could destroy this evening.
He pushed my braces off my shoulders and when he got to my shirt I instructed; "Rip it off."
He looked at me, his eyes roaming my face, trying to figure me out. I knew who he was searching for the cool, bravado of Nine. Smart, strong, secure. Or better yet the dizzying contradiction that was Ten. Sensitive. Explosive. Full of seemingly endless compassion and boundless rage. He was looking for something familiar but if he found it in my eyes he was lying to himself. I was neither of those men and I never would be again.
I decided to let him see what he needed to, if that was the only way to make him continue. I forced a twinkle, a truly mirthless crinkle of the skin around my eyes. It was so mechanical, feign cool, devilish, excited. Feign being alive.
It worked, he returned my smile and yanked at the collar of my shirt. Soon I was bare from the waist up and a moment later so was he. We started kissing again and it felt indescribable to have my chest pressed against him.
"I like this new body of yours, Doctor."
"It likes you as well." I grabbed his hand and placed it on the outside of my trousers pressing it down so he could feel my erection.
He kissed me again whispering; "Wow." against my lips.
"And that's only half hard. Do you want to help me get fully hard, Jack?"
"Oh yessss." he answered.
"Good, good, lad."
I pulled away from him breaking off the kiss long before he was ready and unfastening my trousers. I stepped out of them kicking them behind me to parts unknown. Gesturing towards him he got the hint and did the same. Our bodies came together again and he wrapped a strong hand around my cock and began pumping it gently in his fist. I exhaled, closed my eyes and returned the favor biding my time before I spoke.
"Now, what I think might be easiest for both of us is if you blindfold me."
Jack chuckled, I think he thought I was joking.
"That way," I continued, "You don't have to worry about me looking at you and I get to anticipate what's coming with no prior warning. Now the wall of instruments wok in descending order. Those to the far left are the most advanced, I don't expect you to know or even understand how to use those. The ones in the middle are medium level and the ones closest to us on the right are for beginners. I'm perfectly happy if you stick to there."
All throughout my speech he had been staring at me, his eyes growing darker and darker.
"You're serious. I mean, I thought maybe you just had a wicked sense of humor. You know, trying to take the piss out of old Captain Jack, but you're serious."
"As a double heart attack. I want you to hurt me, Jack. I trust you to do it safely, I trust you to listen to me and I trust you respect my safe words; Winter Quay."
He was retreating from me, both in mind and body. His hand had already dropped from my cock which was sinking into flaccidity by the moment.
"Doctor, I don't know about this. Last time, we were equals. It got a little rough but, I don't think you're talking about rough sex here. This is serious domination you're requesting."
"I realize that, and I know it's a lot to ask. I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't need it. I can't do this myself, Jack. I'm all alone now. I lost..." I hesitated not wanting to open that door but thinking of no other way to convince him. "I lost my family. Proper family."
He opened his mouth to say something but I stopped him with a hand. I couldn't talk about it. I couldn't even bear to hear him ask me about it.
"No, not now. Maybe not ever. I suffer with this everyday. This and a million upon million others that I let slip through my fingers. This is the only way I can have some peace, Jack. Please. Please."
I was really pleading, real emotions bleeding through drowning out the pantomime. I did love him. I didn't want to hurt him like this. Not another one. Nowadays this is the best thing to play with me, not traveling, not running, not fighting. This. This is the safest game going.
"You know you might enjoy it. It's like that for people sometimes. They don't know they like inflicting a little pain for their pleasure until they try it. You might enjoy watching me squirm. "I tried to darkly flirt with him but even to my own ears it sounded less than convincing. I was already weary from the effort.
Jack observed me for what seemed like hours, until his face finally changed.
"Get over there." he said gesturing to towards the bed. I was a bit disappointed as he seemed to be leaning towards the pedestrian but I was willing to at least give him a chance before I sent him packing.
I made my way to the bed and watched as he went back to his case.
"We'll use the anti grav cuffs. They make the experience more intense. If I set the wrist cuffs at -6 and the ankles at -4 you'll have to fight harder to keep your body horizontally level."
Now, this sounded promising.
"You've done this before." I ventured but only got a shrug in return.
A few minutes later I found myself cuffed. Wrists magnetized together with arms stretched above my head, ankles feeling fused together in a similar way.
Jack retrieved a blindfold from the wall while I stood there in that ridiculous position, arms raised, ankles locked, like a diver just about the break the skin of the water.
He returned and though he muttered to himself that he should have put it on me before the cuffs he managed to get it down over my eyes. The darkness was disorienting, my arms started to ache from being extended so. My erection was coming back.
I heard Jack open his mouth to say something but then he thought better and remained silent.
The soft whine of equipment turning on filled the room and a second later I was off my feet, being stretched out gracefully, recumbent. He put the cuffs at the settings he'd mentioned and I felt a wonderful flood of endorphins as I strained to keep my body perfectly level, fighting the cuffs all the way. He pushed my near helpless form, I can only assume, so that I was above the bed rather than the floor and then I waited. I tried to listen, straing to hear his bare feet hitting the floor, trying to picture in my mind how many steps to this and how many steps to that. What would he reach for first?
Suddenly his hands were back on me, under my arse, raising me higher in the air while simultaneously bringing me closer to him. I hadn't expected to feel his mouth so warm and wet fully eclipse my cock and gasped, rather dramatically, out loud. Not exactly what I had in mind but not bad. He certainly knew his stuff and I sprang to attention in his mouth. But what happened next restored my faith in the progress of the evening. The tendrils of the cat-o-nine tails hits my nipples and my abdomen and every part of me stiffened. I felt Jack stop the movement of his mouth, I assumed to watch as he wielded the toy. As much as the cuffs would allow I arched my body upwards groaning without hesitation. He started to lightly whip me in quick successive motions and I felt happy welts rise up on my skin. I could picture my flesh coloring with claw marks and my mind drifted momentarily to how I could admire myself in the mirror after he left. The little, light whips trailed down my body, past my stomach, never removing his mouth from me he used the small yet effective toy over my thighs and calves before reversing and coming back up again. My body started to tremble and shake in the cuff, the mid air suspension and the cat were taking its toll on me not to mention the truly superb blowjob Jack was administering. He turned me over suddenly, it was intentionally jarring and he still hadn't said a word yet. If the blindfold was off I would have been staring down at the TARDIS blue sheets of the mattress, instead I saw only inky blackness. The whip cut through the air again, this time landing on my shoulders and back. He concentrated there for awhile and I squirmed out my encouragement to him as best I could despite my bonds. He's left my penis, erect and jutting downward, completely coated in his saliva it twitches and jumps in the cool air of the room. I feel Jack's free hand caress my chest, abdomen and thighs all the while continuing to whip me, and purposefully avoiding my cock, leaving it in its neglected state.
When he reached my arse he came down especially hard with the cat, quickening his pace lashing me again and again and again. It was going to be hell to sit down tomorrow, just like I wanted. I loved these cuffs, there was no way to get this sort of full body attention in say a pillory or suspension frame but the zero grav allowed for every inch of me to receive the same attention at the same time. Must get a pair for myself. By the time he finished my backside and paid passing attention to my ribs, tears had already dampened my blindfold. I had my lips parted as I struggled to breathe each inhale required me to make the decision between following it with moaning, crying or exhaling.
I couldn't decide if Jack knew what he was doing or if he was just lucky. He hadn't broken the skin anywhere, yet I still felt delightfully swollen. The metallic whine again filled the room and a moment later I was dropped unceremoniously on the bed. The cuffs were quickly removed from my ankles and wrists and I began wiggling my fingers to try and regain feeling. My limbs felt like lead and the prospect of almost any movement seemed as though it would prove overwhelmingly dextrous.
"Jack..." I began, my voice was craggy and my mouth suddenly felt incredibly dry.
"Shut up." he replied, his voice was harsh and I heard the seeds of disgust there. Fine, so long as he didn't stop.
"I'd like the Eros gloves now, please?"
He paused for what felt like an eternity. When he did speak his voice was flat.
"You said you wanted me in control."
"I'm sorry." I responded quickly not wanting to offend him.
"No you're not." he answered quickly. "Where do you want them?" For the first time I heard the confliction in his voice as he placed his knees on the bed. There was the predictable guilt for participating in this for me but also the the guilt for starting to enjoy it. He didn't want to enjoy this but he was and it was killing him. The guilt I felt was cyclical and it only made me want to request that he do more.
"On my cock."
"They're not made for that. They shut off if they come into contact with genitalia, you know that."
"Not if they've been soniced. Works on everything save wood."
"Doctor, we shouldn't...gods I don't even know if I trust you not to have screwed with the safety settings."
He was smart. I had in fact tampered with the settings to allow a stronger current than the gloves were designed for. Eros gloves, lovely little invention, slip them on and your entire hand can deliver delicious current of electricity in controlled bursts and waves.
"Damn it Jack am I going to have to fight you on everything tonight? Because if that's the case undo me and you can piss off back to Cardiff."
I didn't mean to sound so harsh.
No. That's a lie. Yes I did.
"Get the lube first." I said trying to adopt a more conciliatory tone.
"The lube is a conductor."
"You're grounded so don't worry."
"I'm not worried about me."
Despite his protestations I listened as Jack slipped on first one black glove and then another.
I felt him lay beside me, close, his body pressed into mine. The soft crackle of electricity filled my ears and then I felt him trail a gloved finger over my lips. The zing of the current was immediate, it made my teeth ache and I knew my lips would swell shortly at the assault. When he removed his finger Jack replaced it with his own lips. A soft, sweet kiss that a part of me wanted to respond to. When I kissed him back, even for just that brief moment their faces flooded back to me, Amy and Rory, lost to me. Another sacrifice on the altar of the last man from Gallifrey.
Jack caressed my nipples, first one then the other and they immediately hardened under the hum of the gloves. I cried out in pain as much as pleasure and Jack nuzzled my neck.
"Can I take off the blindfold now?" he asked me and after a pause I nodded.
I immediately regretted it, he was looking at me with such a mixture of pity, lust and affection that I wanted to scream. I stiffened, it was always easier to stay blind. He kissed my stung lips again but this time I couldn't respond, instead flashes of Martha and Donna danced grotesquely in my minds.
Keep adding them to the tally, Doctor, there's always room for more, right?
"Could you...?" I began.
"Anything." Jack whispered.
"Could you please stop doing that?"
Out of the corner of my eye I saw his face harden a bit. I couldn't look at him full on. He didn't speak and instead started to drag his hand, fingers spread wide down my body carving trails and leaving swathes of jolted skin in his wake. It hurt, especially as he traversed the paths made by the cat but it was perfection. I raised myself above the situation, above him, above memory and fact and loss and longing and I started that great trudge up the hill. The trudge that allowed me the only fleeting satisfaction I could grasp onto nowadays.
I was so hard that when his gloved and now lubed hand touched my cock I shouted something positively ancient and filthy. My stomach muscles tightened and I jerked up to a near sitting position.
"Don't stop." I begged him and he continued, looking none too pleased with the idea. He had moved away from my upper body and now so near my lower half he used one hand to cup my balls and the other to stroke my shaft. The gloves crackled, I crackled as I opened my legs wider to give him all the access he might need. I tried to push away the other stray thoughts, the greedy, angry, needful thoughts, like, I wish he had the common sense to shove just one finger inside me and help me along even more. Or if only he'd dampened them a bit the current would be even stronger.
Or better yet I wish he'd at least stop looking at my face, he'll never find what he needs there.
It didn't matter anyways, it was working. I came, red faced, teeth gritted, tears pouring down my cheeks, my ejaculate spilling over the backness of the gloves.
"I'm pretty sure you voided the warranty with that little trick." Jack said dryly. "It probably would have killed anyone else. Anyone but you or me I suppose."
I tried not to listen to him. I lay back on the bed, chest heaving, pain receptors firing like pistons, hearts thundering in my chest.
"Are you alright?" Jack asked and I bristled.
"Yes, yes I'm alright. I can't have you asking me that Jack. It won't do. Just leave it."
Guilt again as I watched his body close off even more to me. The gloves switched off he took them off his hands and dropped them on the floor.
Propping up on my elbows I extended a hand to him.
"Come to me, Jack."
He gazed back at me doubtfully.
"Sorry, Doctor...I don't know that I can rise to the occasion just now."
I glanced down and looked at his flaccid penis. I had managed to turn him completely off.
"Let me see if I can fix that."
In a swift moment I pushed myself up to a sitting position and seconds later I had my mouth on his cock.
I was lulling him into another place, a place with his Doctor. He had a kink for the ninth me but I think he was more than a bit in love with Ten. I tried to remember the way that face moved, how it looked, how he could make his eyes so soft, so compassionate, how he could quirk his mouth in just a shadow hint of a smile and brighten their little worlds. They blithely followed him... followed me to their deaths because of that smile.
It worked, he hardened in my mouth, his hips working gently, his breath catching in his throat before escaping in delicious little bursts. I concentrated on him for a few minutes, coaxing him until he was stiff and eager in my mouth.
I pulled away no doubt sooner than he would like and lay back onto the bed beckoning to him. I opened my legs wider for him, softening my body and my face, and when he quickly bridged over me I allowed him to kiss me. I smiled and he smiled back. He entered me and for a shadow of a moment I allowed myself to feel as though we were making love.
But I didn't deserve that.
Slowly as he moved within me I reached for his right hand. Parting my lips I took one of his fingers in my mouth, sucking enthusiastically and giving him my best imitation of bedroom eyes. He quirked an amused smile and kept pumping long, languid strokes within me. I continued my attention to his fingers until he wasn't giving thought to much else except the pleasure we were affording each other.
Then, I slowly brought his hand up to my throat.
He didn't understand at first, at least not until I started encouraging him to squeeze.
The look Jack gave me was one of complete horror. I felt him start to pull away from me but I held him fast, grinding myself up against him, squeezing him internally in an effort to make his baser nature take over. He stayed though his movements became harder and harsher. Again I encouraged him to squeeze my throat and bearing his teeth he started oblige. Every stroke pressed my straining erection against his abdomen and I started to moan beneath him even as all the air seemed to seep from my lungs. He was groaning and grunting above me and our animal noises filled the room.
It was brilliant. So perfect. So very, very, perfect and I felt my orgasm start to overtake me just as the edges of my vision started to blur and darken. I moaned, loud and long, swearing and interjecting his name where I saw fit. His fingers tightened and the world went black for a moment and I thought I might have passed out. But one blink and then another, a gaspy intake of breath and I was back just in time to feel him come hard within me.
I lay there beneath him, struggling for breath coughing every now and then not quite able to speak just yet. I was aware of his eyes on me but I avoided meeting them. In a moment he had detached from me and was off the bed.
He was dressing, hastily, pants, shirt, shoes. I sat up to watch him. He picked up the case he had brought and started to collect the cuffs, then seemed to change his mind and let it all drop to the floor.
I opened my mouth to say his name but instead got dragged into a coughing fit so intense it made me see stars.
Jack stood by the door, his face hard, his eyes vacant and angry all at once.
"This new regeneration..." he began and then stopped himself. "You were right about something, Doctor. I don't like you very much right now. In fact, you can go fuck yourself. I'm never doing this again," he said simply and with that he strode out of the room. "Call me when you switch over to twelve."
I heard his footsteps grow softer as he made his way through the TARDIS and out the front door.
Perhaps he was right, best wait until Twelve, let that man apologize to him for me. Should Twelve come along that is. I could simply...not. Koschei had decided not to. He had just let the moment pass, bottled up all that regeneration energy and simply let himself die.
I dressed quickly and returned to the console room. Going over to the door I opened it and peeked out. Cardiff went on as it always did and there was no sign of Jack. So be it. I closed and latched the door and after pulling the levers I let the TARDIS take me where she would.
Would it be so bad to let go, to fall, completely at the fields of Trenzalore?
Perhap I had already made up my mind. Perhaps I was content to go. Perhaps I was saying a different sort of goodbye.
Sometimes I really do think a Time Lord lives too long.
Concluded in "Dominus"...