a/n; Remember that time I said I wouldn't post my psych stories here anymore? I lied. I already have this post on psychfic under a different title, but I just felt...like...posting it here too? I was just really happy with this and I'm egotistical so I'm posting it here too. Sue me. (Please don't sue me.)
I don't own psych. Really, I don't.
It was a Friday night, and Santa Barbara was alive and kicking. Yet this meant a quiet night in for Shawn and Juliet Spencer, who had agreed to watch the Lassiter children on a last minute call.
"I'm so sorry about this," was Marlowe's greeting when they show up, slipping a shoe on her foot. "We just - this was really short notice, and Lauren already had something going on -"
"Marlowe, it's okay," Juliet insisted earnestly, as they slipped inside the house. Carlton came from the stairs, his shirt unbuttoned as he tucked in his undershirt.
"O'Hara," he greeted hastily, running a hand through his hair. "Can't thank you enough." With a glance at Spencer, he added, "And him too, I guess."
Marlowe nudged him with her elbow; Shawn ignored the backhanded thanks. "So what's with all the rush? I kinda pegged you two as the type to stay home on crowded nights like these."
"My sister's flying up to Vancouver for a business trip, and she has a layover in Los Angeles." Carlton buttoned his shirt quickly, not even looking at what he was doing. "She just landed and leaves in four hours, and it takes an hour and a half to get down there. I haven't seen her in ten years, so I figured I'd seize the opportunity."
"She didn't tell you in advance?" Shawn asked with a raised eyebrow, always the skeptic.
As Carlton's only response was a roll of his eyes, Marlowe quickly put in, "She didn't think we'd want to make the trip."
"Clearly, she underestimated the willpower of Carlton Lassiter," Juliet remarked, amused.
"Plus, we haven't had a night to ourselves in months, and this is going to be a break, even if we are going to meet his sister." Marlowe gave the couple a smile. "Honestly, we'll make this up to you somehow."
"It's no issue, Marlowe," Juliet confided. "Just tell us what we need to know."
"Adela's already asleep, so she shouldn't bother you. Ben's all you're dealing with; he's already eaten, but you're going to need to keep him occupied."
Shawn breathed a sigh of relief - he was great at occupying kids. Juliet, however, was not as confident. "Occupied how?"
"Anything to keep him from getting bored," Carlton said bluntly. Shawn quickly noticed that he was playing with his keys inside the pocket of his jacket. He was nervous about this meeting, and yet, was already halfway out the door. "Kid gets glued to the TV. Just keep it off, okay? You two are bound to think of something."
"We'll be back in a few hours, and Ben can stay up until we get home. Consider it our apology to him, but if he falls asleep, then let him. Don't burn the house down!" was Marlowe's goodbye, and the Spencers shut the door behind them.
The night was bound to be interesting, as Juliet had a bit of news for her husband - she was pregnant. It was hard finding a time to sit him down and have a proper talk, as her shifts at the department had become increasingly irregular during both day and night, and Shawn had work to do of his own. This was their only night off, and they had become the Lassiters' last hope.
Sitting on the couch, playing with the kitten that his mother had practically begged her husband for, was one Benedict Lassiter. He grinned at the sight of Juliet, immediately hopping to his feet. "Juliet!"
"Hi Ben," she greeted softly, kneeling down to reach his level. She was constantly surprised at how much he resembled his father, even at his young age of three years. His hair was an almost caramel color and his eyes were a bit darker blue, yet, but Juliet had no doubt that he would end up looking like an almost carbon copy of her partner. "What've you been up to?"
"I know!" Shawn had picked up the kitten, who was know struggling in his arms. "This one's a little fighter," he said with a grin. "Mind teaching me the secrets of cat wrestling?"
Ben got along splendidly with Shawn, though they'd only met once or twice. Despite this, it seemed that Ben really trusted the psychic, grinning at his new playmate with nothing but respect and perhaps even admiration. Eventually, they settled down to watch some Phineas and Ferb against his parents' wishes, at a low volume so as to not bother his sister.
"So what do you think of your first Lassiter babysitting experience?" Juliet asked, beaming at him.
"I gotta say, Jules, it was definitely not what I was expecting." He put his arm around her and heaved a sigh, squeezing her close to him. "It's weird thinking how these kids came into being, though. I mean, Lassie...and Mars..."
"It's easier if you don't think about it," she interrupted quickly. Shawn just smiled at her and kissed the top of her head. The moment was quiet and content, and the Lassiter child seemed to be getting sleepy. In her happiness, Juliet found herself telling her husband her news. "I know this is a really bad time, Shawn, but I've-"
She was cut off by the sound of scratching upstairs. "Do you hear that too?" Shawn muttered, sitting up straight. "I don't think a sleeping baby could've made that sound. And the cat's right here..."
"The Lassiters do have many enemies," Juliet said back, quietly. Ben looked at the couple, head tilted and eyebrows scrunched together like he was trying to figure out what they were talking about. Almost on cue, the Spencers stood up and turned around, standing close together.
"You really think it could be an intruder?"
Juliet shrugged. "I have a history with people who can take apart locked windows pretty easily. It's worth checking it out."
"I'll trust you on that." Shawn glanced over at Ben, who was still looking at them. "You go check on Adela, I'll keep an eye on Ben. Do you need a weapon? I saw a pretty stiff broom in the closet."
He grinned; she rolled his eyes. "Carlton hides guns all over his house, and he accidentally told me the location of one. I'll go get it just in case."
Shawn, who wasn't very fond of guns, looked concerned, but let her go anyway. Keeping her footsteps as light as possible, Juliet retrieved the weapon from the place it was said to be - the medicine cabinet in the upstairs bathroom. She prowled about the upper floor, and hesitated as she came to the only room with a closed door - the one that the sleeping infant was behind. Slowly, she turned the doorknob, and cracked the door.
The window was open. A short, stocky figure hovered above the crib, his back towards the door, and Juliet wasted no time. "Freeze!" The door flew open; Adela was wakened. The intruder was startled, but Juliet moved faster than he did. As firing a gun in a room with an infant probably wasn't a good idea, she relied back on her hand-to-hand combat skills, dropping her gun in the scuffle. Adding to this chaos was the background noise of the baby crying, which Juliet could hardly hear over the blood rushing in her ears.
Shawn had heard the commotion and came to her help, shouting, "Hey!" above all the noise. Juliet was distracted, and the intruder took this advantage to seize the gun from the floor, and used it to knock the detective out. Shawn became outraged and pounced, but the fight didn't last long, and they were both out for count within ten minutes.
It didn't take long for Juliet to regain consciousness. In all honesty, it wasn't that difficult, as she was awakened by a crying infant. As her vision sharpened, she noted she was in the Lassiters' living room, the TV was still on, and Shawn and Ben were tied up next to her. Ben was awake and staring at his feet.
"Shawn, get the hell up," she whispered, nudging her husband with her shoulder. He jolted awake, his head whipping back.
"What, what did I miss?"
"Well, for starters, we're tied up," Juliet said blandly.
"That's probably not good is it?"
"No, not at all."
"I've tried the knot, it's too hard," Ben's small voice informed them from the end of the row. The two leaned forward, only to see Ben with his hands tied in front of him. Clearly, whoever had bound them didn't view him as much of a threat.
"How good are you with knots, Ben?" Shawn asked suddenly.
"Dad's taught me a lot," he replied, and the touch of pride in his voice was unmistakable. Shawn glanced at Juliet, who nodded.
"Carlton could untie an entire pirate ship if he wanted to. He can't tie many intricate knots but he takes pride in being able to undo them."
Shawn seemed to mull it over for a second, then nodded to himself. "Okay, I have a plan. Juliet, turn around and let him undo your bonds. I think it'll be a little bit easier when you're not trying to tug at string with two fingers."
The work was done quickly, though somewhat awkwardly - Juliet was free in a matter of minutes, but kept her hands behind her back so it seemed like she was still tied up. Shawn didn't want to awkwardly worm over Juliet's lap (at least not in the presence of her partner's son, anyway) so he figured he could manage with his hands still bound. Juliet was going to do most of the fighting anyway, as always.
Juliet pulled out her phone, and dialed the station's number. McNab was working reception that night, and answered quickly.
"Santa Barbara Police Department."
"Buzz!" Shawn and Juliet basically shouted. "Listen, Buzz, we need help," Juliet quickly added.
"That's what I'm here for!" he answered cheerfully. "But we're a little short-staffed tonight, and the emergency response crew is basically gone right now. Tell me what I can do."
"We're being held at the Lassiter house," Shawn told him, glancing nervously at Ben. "And, uhh - there was an intruder. We're tied up except for Juliet, but we don't know how dangerous this guy is."
"Wait, where's Detective Lassiter? And why are you at his house? Is there a baby crying in the background?"
Shawn cast Juliet an impatient look. She let out a shirt sigh. "Long story short, he's out and we're babysitting." Juliet's response was bland. "Can you just send someone over as soon as possible? I think we can hold out until then."
"I'll see what I can do, Juliet," Buzz promised, his voice sounding tense. "As soon as a group gets back, we'll head out. Stay safe!"
Buzz hung up. Shawn looked at Juliet with his eyebrows raised. "Now what?"
"We make a plan," Juliet answered firmly. As they were debating over said plan, a man came in from the other entrance and glared at them. They fell silent (Adela did not) and Juliet glared back evenly.
"The Lassiters, right?" the man grunted, crossing his arms over his broad chest and staring them down. Juliet had gotten him good - he was sporting a black eye, favoring his left wrist, and had his nose plugged.
"We're actually not," Shawn answered cautiously, glancing quickly at Juliet.
"Don't you try to lie to me," he responded, kicking out at Shawn's leg. "My brother described you two. Dark-haired man, blonde wife, maybe some kids. Gave me this address, too. Got it from...many different sources. Don't you even dare lie to me; I know everything."
"Out of curiosity, who's your brother?" Juliet asked.
"I don't expect you to know him, Mrs. Lassiter," the man sneered, throwing a nasty and childish look her way. Juliet shuddered just being called that name. "However, you, Detective, would know a little more." He fixed Shawn with a firm look, and leaned down to get into his face. Shawn retracted immediately, but to little avail.
"My brother was busted on an assault charge a few months ago. Do you remember? He was totally innocent, though. Just palling around with a friend! But you stupid cops decided to take matters into your own hands!"
"Sorry, what was your name again?" Shawn asked, and their capturer reached out to slap him, but he moved back just in time.
"Willer! Our last name is Willer. Of course, a big hotshot detective like you isn't gonna remember a stupid assault case," he grumbled, looking much like a child who hadn't gotten his way.
Juliet leaned over to her husband. "I remember this now! Carlton and I were looking into some claims and found the equivalent of a fight club in the basement of some secondhand appliance store. Willer was using it as an excuse to beat the crap out of some guy who owed him money. His file said nothing about having an insane brother though."
"Insane?" Shawn whispered back, eyes growing wide.
"Or at least off-kilter enough to go after Lassiter for this. You know."
Shawn nodded slowly, turning back to Willer. "Yeah, I remember your brother, Willer," he said in his best gruff voice, puffing out his chest. Juliet had to hide her snort of laugher. "A real tough guy, but he was beating someone up. We can't let that stuff slide."
"But it was a joke!" Willer insisted. "You have to let him go. Which is why I have you hostage."
Ben looked over at the two, the fear written in his eyes. "Hostage?" he whispered, and Juliet offered him her most sympathetic look. Shawn continued impersonating the boy's father.
"I think you're forgetting that you have Carlton and Marlowe Lassiter hostage. There's no telling what could happen."
"Oh, really?" Willer said, folding his arms over his chest. "Then I guess you haven't seen this!" He pulled out a gun from behind him and pointed it right between Shawn's eyes. He went cross-eyed trying to keep it in his line of vision. "Not so brave now, are you?"
"Now let's not be rash," Shawn said nervously. "No one needs to die."
"My brother's in jail!" Willer shouted, and Ben glanced over anxiously at his caretakers. Adela had quieted down by then, occasionally whimpering and squirming but not doing much more. Juliet had had enough of this Willer by now, and decided to take action.
"Screw the plan, Shawn," she whispered.
"We never even had a plan in the first place!" he hissed back, and she rolled her eyes.
"Just follow my lead and try not to get shot!"
As it turns out, Juliet's 'lead' was to attack Willer and try to get the gun out of his hands. She pounced, tackling him to the ground, but he seemed to have an iron grip. They wrestled for a while, with Shawn and Ben looking on in shock. The scuffle ended with Juliet standing with her hands up, palms out, and Willer pointing the gun at her.
"Well, that didn't go as planned," she said with a sigh, casting a nervous glance at Shawn. It was his turn to roll his eyes.
"That's probably because there wasn't a plan, Jules."
"This isn't time for your sass, Shawn," she muttered, eyeing Willer up and down. C'mon, McNab, she thought, trying to keep her cool. Any minute now...
"No more Mr. Nice Guy," Willer growled, turning the safety off. Juliet swallowed hard, glancing around the room for anything that could be used as a weapon - but unfortunately, with two young children, the Lassiters were forced to keep the house safe for their sake.
"Shawn?" Juliet asked, her eyes never leaving Willer's face.
"Just in case this doesn't go well, I think I should just tell you that I'm pregnant."
From the corner of her eye, she saw his jaw drop. "Jules, are you kidding? Why did you wait until now to tell me?"
"We never had the time!"
"There's always time for family, Juliet. You should know that." He paused, then added, "Who else knows?"
"Really? You told him before me?"
"Well, I do see him all day, and he's not the father, nor does he have slight commitment issues-"
"That's enough!" Willer gestured with his gun. "Get on the floor. Let's make this look like I wasn't here, hmm?"
Slowly, Juliet lowered herself to the ground - just as McNab busted the door in with a few other officers, guns blazing. "Stop right there!" he barked, and Willer dropped the gun from fright. Quickly, Juliet seized it, and bounced back up to her feet.
"Nice timing, Buzz," she said earnestly, and the officer grinned at her.
"Thank you, I've been working on it."
Carlton turned the corner onto his street, pleased after seeing his sister after so many years. Marlowe was happy as well, as they both hadn't had much of a life outside of taking care of their children and working for the past few months.
However, Carlton's smile was quickly wiped from her face when he saw the police cruisers around his house, and much less when he saw the officers talking to the Spencers. Juliet was holding Adela, and Ben stayed close by Shawn's side.
"...the hell?" he muttered as he pulled up to the driveway. His wife just offered him the same perplexed look, and they both jumped out of the car as soon as the engine was off.
"Lassie! Glad to see you could make it!" Shawn greeted. Carlton rolled his eyes, stepping over to Juliet and extracting his daughter from her arms. He was remarkably gentle with her, and quickly looked her over to see if any harm had been done.
"Mind telling us what the hell happened?" he snarled, as Marlowe kneeled down to check on Ben.
"Uhh, well, some guy broke into your house and tried to kill us because they thought we were you and Marlowe," Juliet blurted out quickly. Both of the Spencers offered him a swift, simultaneous smile. "Ben might have rope burn on his wrist, but he's one of the only reasons we're alive."
"They tied up my kid?"
"They tied us up too," Shawn offered, but it didn't do anything to subdue the detective's rage. Both of the Spencers shared a look, then slowly backed away to give their statement to an officer nearby. Carlton scowled after them for a few moments more, then turned to his son.
"Ben, how're you holding up?" Carlton asked instead, and in response, his son just shook his head, burying his face in his mother's sweater.
"Well, they didn't burn the house down," she said with a shrug, and he just sighed.
Across the yard, the disheveled Spencers were making their way back to their car, arm in arm.
"So, Mrs. Spencer, I believe you have news for me?"
"Yes Shawn, you will have a child," Juliet said lightly, and Shawn's response was to pick her up in his arms and kiss her passionately.
"Best news all night," he breathed once they parted, grinning madly. "Let's hope this doesn't happen to Lassie and Marlowe if they ever have to babysit this kid."