This isn't a story about me.
This is a story of what I could see, observing everyone around me closely. Hearing their words, hearing there thoughts when spoken out loud. This is about everyone with either outburst of sadness, anger or happiness. About different lives. Not mine.
Plus, they're much more interesting then me anyway.
Night turned to day, the sun shining in through the windows of the darkness, casting the shadows away into the cracks of the walls, letting them hide until their time. Their time to come out of hiding. But in the mean time, until it was their time, it meant that it was time for us to get up and go to the morning room for breakfast. I could already hear the nurses having a hard time getting some of the others up, while I could see some of their shadows from the crack of my door. Sitting up, the took a look around me. Nope not home yet. Still here, with a roommate, who just hours earlier, triggered himself in his sleep. Trashing, banging his fist against the wall, singling that he needed help. But yet even when the nurses tried to pry him of information on what was wrong, he couldn't make a sound. There were others that were at the door, watching, waiting for something to happen. Someone was chuckling, but it was too dark for me to see who it was. The only thing that I was paying attention to was when another patient screamed for the others to get out her way, pushed the nurses and started to try to calm him down. Whispering "Shush..." and hugging him as he could only let out choked, panicked gasps. She would whisper his name, whisper some song to him until the soothing song and his heavy tears put him back to sleep.
The birds still asleep.
Like a dream
From heaven's safe keep
As soft as the breeze
I long for those days.
I call out these prayers to the sky
Heavy with thought
See your face.
I carried these memories inside
Thoughts of a soul
Colored by love
See me grow wings and fly high
Passions will die, down below.
I burn in the basin of fire.
Watchers look on as they dance
In their merciless sky.
He would be asleep when by the time she's finished singing. She'd whisper something else to him in his ear before letting the nurses push her out gently, and telling the others that there was "nothing to see in here" and "go back to your room everyone." I'm snapped out of my own thoughts when the nurse comes into the room, exclaiming that it was time to wake up. Going to the man in the bed on the other side of the room. Her shakes do nothing to wake him, so she starts saying his name, shaking him more. He stirs slightly, but wants to escape back into sleep, but the nurse tells him that breakfast is ready that that he needs to take his meds. She turns to me and tells me the same thing, except for the meds part. My caretaker doesn't want me taking them, he says that there's no point of it seeing that I'll trick myself to believe that it's working. Hearing the other male get up, I grab some socks from the side of my bed, putting them on so my feet won't get cold. As I went to leave, I feel something tugging the side of my sleeve. He wants something, but due to him not being able, or not wanting to, he just points and I realize it's a book. "This?", I asked, grabbing it, handing it to him. He just nods, taking it out of my hands, his name written in a script that only the nurses really understand. He notices my staring and he makes gester that I could leave now. Understanding this I take my leave, walking towards the morning room.
Going to the cart full of trays, I grab one that says "Nowe, normal diet." I sit down, looking around. I notice how a young women, her name was Arioch I believe, sitting in front of the television, holding what seemed to be a doll of a baby, rocking it back and forth as she whispered, "Beautiful... beautiful children..." The nurses had given up on taking the toy away from her, seeing that the first time they've done that, she screamed and bit the nurse hard enough for the poor women to have a panic attack. Come to think of it, this is the first time I've seen her since that attack. Must have let her out the safe room. Suddenly a punch to the arm distracts me from having more thoughts as I hear, "Checking her out eh', Nowe?"
The first person who talked to me when I first came here, telling my caretaker that he'll be his eyes and if anything happens, he'll tell him when he visits me. He has been true to those words. He told me how he knew my adopted father, and that he felt guilty because he feels as if it's fault that he's not here. I don't know why he was telling me on the same day we met and I wondered how on earth he knew my adopted father. It was then that he told me he knew me when I was young and that I had every right to know what happened. He can't fully remember everything, except that he died and now I'm in the hands of a different caretaker. I don't remember much about my adopted father either, expect that he was highly known back at home and that everyone respected him greatly.
Urick is somewhat of a joker. He knows just the right words to say and when to say it. He doesn't like it when people worry and he's mostly concerned about their safety more then his own. That fact in it's self causes me to worry. He and my roommate got into a fight before, and let me tell you, things gotten bloody really fast, causing Urick to have a scar down from his eye to his neck. Urick displays it as a battle scar and how he survived the 'beast' as he calls my roommate.
"Hello? Nowe? Are you listening to me?"
He was talking the entire time, and I had no clue what it was about. "Slow per-usual.", Urick chuckled, taking a bite out of his food, "I was asking you about what happened last night. And I was kinda making fun of you for not being able to move and how you looked frozen to the wall, even though the nurses told you to leave." Turning his head towards me, he noticed my look at him. His eyes looking back and forth before looking at me, he asked, "What? I'm just asking truthful questions. Suddenly, as he starts ranting again, my thoughts fly. My head turns back towards everyone and I noticed how it suddenly became full. I could see a young blond haired women, staring outside, her mouth moving but no sound escaping from her lips. Her fingers messed with the band around her wrist, wonder and confusion in her face as she continued to lip words. She turns her head towards me and I quickly look away. She must have felt me staring. When I look back towards her, her face is unreadable and her eyes held no emotions in them. Her eyes where a bright colored red, and I tired desperately to find out what she was thinking. The moment I blinked, she was looking out the window. No liping words. Nothing. Suddenly, I could hear a nurse screaming at another patient. Everyone's attention turns to the noise and my roommate has his arm in tons of wrap and tissue, the nurse calling doctors from the emergency room. He doesn't look like he's even in pain, but when you look into his eyes, there's a different story. A different time of where the pain is coming from.
"Yes, bring a Doctor and Therapist for patient, Caim Caerleon, imminently!"
I could hear Urick chuckle slightly and it takes me a second to realize that it was him chuckling at last nights events. "Urick, what's so funny?", I ask, now eating my breakfast before a nurse could take it away from me. "Nothing, just funny how lately your roommate has been going insane. I found it funny last night to. Well, I chuckled at you to because of your face." I frown, pushing my tray towards the nurse.
"It wasn't funny for me yesterday. They took Caim off his medication just last week and in that week, he's just been losing it. It's not funny when you wake up in the middle of the night because you just can't sleep, and then suddenly watching someone trigger themselves in their sleep. Watching them bang onto the wall because you're too scared to do anything because of what might happen to you. Watching the nurses try to inject him with something but one look at that needle was all he needed to start letting his tears that everyone thought didn't exist come out his eyes, shaking his head. The only thing that put him to sleep was the only 'friend' he has here sing to him, and hold him until he stopped shaking, and escape this nightmare with a new nightmare to face..."
Urick stared at me, ready to say something but I got up. "I'm going to take a nap before my therapist calls for me. Just let me know when it's time for me to go, okay Urick?" Urick only nodded, pushing his empty tray towards the nurse. When in my room, I started letting my thoughts fly. About everyone admitted in here and their back story's. At least what everyone thinks what's everyone's back story. I know this women, Arioch, gone through traumatizing events. She screamed it to me the first day working with her, before she jumped up and cradled the air, screaming a song before 'eating' her 'child'. Then that other patient, the way her red eyes, when she was looking out the window, longed for someone. Her face full of confusion and her eyes longing. Perhaps she was wondering why the person she longed for didn't want her, perhaps wondering what she did wrong for this person not to want her. Now that I think about it, not once did I ever see someone come visit her. She's probably wondering what's taking them so long to come. Whatever she's thinking must have drove her to insanity. When she notices someone staring at her, she puts up her walls and closes everything. Slams her book shut so you won't be able to read her. I remember Urick telling me, due to him sharing a room with her, saying that she wanted someone to love her. Just whispering, "Love me... I want you to love me..." over and over again. And there's Urick. In here for chronic depression and a suicide attempt. That I know for a fact for he told me when I asked him after a week of being in here. He didn't go deep about it, though. But I understand. After all, his entire reason why he's in here isn't any of my business. There's the one person that Caim hangs with. She doesn't say her name, nurses say her name for her. Angelus, or Angel for short. She's the only one that could calm down Caim. I don't fully know why she's in here, but from what I know and heard, she's in here because of PTSD. For what though? I have no clue. She's barely triggered and when she is, Caim comes and comforts her because she's the only one to truly comfort him. She's violent when triggered and possibly the strongest one when she gets into a fight. She's strong alone, non-triggered. But when triggered, she can't take her own memories and she fights as if she's been trained with all types of things. And then there's Caim. My roommate who just a week ago, thought it was safe to go off his medication and now is a mess. Triggering himself at random times. He also suffered through PTSD. When Caim first came into the ward, I heard that he was about to twist someone's head until they gave him a needle to calm him. People think Caim must have lost his ability to speak due to his past and trauma but I think that he doesn't want to speak because of the fact that he doesn't trust himself. He doesn't want to tell people his past so he's trained himself to just not talk, so he wouldn't have to go through the pressure of getting him to talk about what happened in the past.
My eyes closed, my mind consumed with the thought's and reasons why the people admitted here were... admitted in here.
I'm shook awake, looking up, my roommate staring at me. He pointed towards the door and I realize that my therapist is waiting for me. I sit up and nod at him, thanking him in that gesture. He nods back before turning to the therapist. "Okay Caim, I remember what I told you in the emergency room, okay?" He just nods, sitting down on his bed. I get up, walking towards her. "About time you're awake Nowe. Mr. Caerleon must have been shaking you for about 2 minutes." I smile sheepishly at her before he gestured to continue walking with her so they could go to her room for our, well, my therapy session. When in the room, I sit down in the seat, my legs going up to my chest, covering it, while I'm holding my knees. "So Nowe, how have you've been?", she asked, taking out a pen and paper. I look up at her. "I'm fine. Legna still said I can't have anti-depressions though." She frowns slightly and writes that down. "Any thoughts that you've been having lately?" Suddenly my thoughts on everyone floods my mind again and I sigh lightly. "I wouldn't know how to start them. They're mostly about people in the ward. About what happened to them that they're here, y'know?", I told her,my chin laying on my knees. "I know, Nowe, after all, I became a therapist to find out why anyway. What about you though? Any thoughts about you?" I shake my head. But right after that question and response, thoughts about myself begin to flood my mind. Reason's on why I'm here stay in my mind and my hand lightly traces the scar on my forehead. "Nowe?", she asked.
"Actually Eris...", I start, trying to form what's in my head into words, "...I had a dream last night... a dream about me when I was starting to live with Legna. When was that... 4 years ago? When I first came out to... y'know..." Pressing my fingers against the scar with slightly more pressure, I frown. "When I went to school, everything seemed fine. I told the teachers about what I am and what I would like to be called. The teachers understood and asked me if I wanted the kids to know. I told her not yet, and that I will tell my friends first and it will continue from there. She understood, but someone must have overheard the teachers talking about it or something, or even me telling my friends, because after school, I remember being dragged by someone, this group of people that liked picking on me from the beginning. And they started talking about it, calling me things... and then..."
I froze, closing my eyes, their laughter suddenly reaching my ears, and their punches and kicks reaching my face and stomach. And then their...
"Nowe...", Eris whispered, getting up and sitting toward me. It was then I noticed that I was crying. I put my sleeve to my face, quickly wiping my face. "That's it for now, Nowe. You don't have to continue. I'll talk to Legna more, and hopefully, I could change his mind." She passes me some tissue. I take it but don't really do anything with it. "Have you've ever told Legna about this...?" I shake my head. "When I got home, he was still at work so I had time to clean myself up..." She frowns, standing up. "C'mon Nowe, I'll walk you back to your room." I nodded at her and made my leave.
My thoughts went from everyone, to me, to back to everyone else in a matter of seconds. Laying down in my room with the shadows casting back in it's places as the nurse went to room to room saying, "Light's out." When reaching my room, she said the same phrase before out lights were turned off. I could hear Caim writing something quickly before the sound of a book closely softly, and him getting comfortable in his bed. I looked back at the ceiling, face blank but eyes telling a different story entirely. Sitting up, after making sure that Caim was sleeping, I dug into my shirt, unclipping something before taking the blinds off. Sighing slightly from relief, I lay back down, curling up, and throwing the blanket over me before looking up at the window. I stared at the moon for a few minutes before sleep became my best friend and engulfed me entirely.
AND THEN LE KALIN BUTT FINISHED THIS LONG ASS FIRST CHAPTER. I'm pretty sure you've noticed that this is Drakengard and told in Nowe's Point Of View. I don't know how well I did on letting Nowe not really put too much of his past out there because after all, he stated in the beginning that this was mostly about them and little about him. My inspiration for writing this was Yellowcard: Way Away and Get Scared: Sarcasm. Taken place in a Psyche Ward. ~Read and Review~