Author's note: To be honest... I don't know where this came from. I just felt like writing something for this pairing, even if it was sad. This is what came to mind. I might continue it (yes, I've thought about how I could continue it if I wanted to) but for now it will remain a oneshot. I'm putting all of my effort into Cross My Heart at the moment, but this thought wouldn't go away.
I'll admit, I was almost in tears by the end of Matt's part.
So, uh... here. I don't usually write this sort of thing, so I hope I did ok.
I was calm when Mello explained his plan. I'd thought something like this was going to happen for a while, so it was no surprise to me. I didn't question him or ask him to change his mind because there was no point. Mello was Mello; stubborn, annoying and an asshole.
And I wouldn't change him for all the video games in the world.
"… once I've got Takada," he explained, "I'll make my way out of there. You get your ass away from the police as fast as you can and get to the next hideout. I'll meet you there."
"And if I get caught?"
"Tell them you're part of the kidnapping and that you'll answer their questions. Don't fight them, you'll only get hurt."
Ah, one of his rare nice moments. He didn't exactly get down on his knees and yell his concern to the heavens, but still... it made me melt a little inside. As far as I knew, I was the only one on the receiving end of these little comments. Anyone else got a gun pointed at their head or, if they were particularly unlucky, a bullet in their brain.
"Good thing I'm not fond of pain, isn't it, Mells?" I replied, attempting a smirk; it kind of failed and turned into a grimace. Mello's plans didn't always focus on the 'getting out alive' part. "You make sure you get out of this in one piece as well. Once all this crap is over, we'll go somewhere else where we can just be ourselves, ok?"
He nodded, a tiny smile pulling at the corners of his lips. If I'd been anyone else, he wouldn't have let me say that. Mello was the decision maker, and if someone had a problem with what he chose…
… you probably get where that's going.
"I guess I can deal with leaving the title of L to Near," Mello muttered, running his finger over a dent in the coffee table of our tiny living room. "Little asshole can have it. It'll be thanks to me that he even wins."
Thanks to us, a small voice in the back of my head said, but I brushed it off. "You know, Mells, when you consider the amount of time you spend obsessing over him, people will start thinking you're after him instead of me," I teased.
"Don't even go there, Matt. Don't. As if I'd ever like the sheep," he growled, glaring at me with cold blue eyes. I sniggered in response; he wasn't really angry. Or, at least, I hoped so. I'd rather keep certain body parts attached.
No, I was right. The look dissolved, replaced with his usual scowl. I couldn't help it; I reached across the table to touch his cheek gently. "Joking, Mello."
He chuckled, placing his hand over mine. "I know, dumbass." That was about as close to 'I forgive you' as Mello would ever get. This simple contact was more intimate than anything else we'd done. Mello knew I enjoyed these sorts of things. I was a romantic at heart, even if I wouldn't admit it.
The moment was shattered when the timer he'd set went off, ringing cheerfully in the silence.
A calm, collected mask settled over Mello's face and he stood, picking up his helmet. I got to my feet, too, pulling my car keys out of my pocket in preparation. He leaned over to peck my cheek, but I moved my face to the side at the last moment to catch his lips with my own.
The kiss was brief but achingly sweet, and for some reason it made me want to lock the apartment door and refuse to let Mello leave. I curled an arm around his waist to hold him to me, and his hands rested on my shoulders in response. I felt like something bad was going to happen. That it was all going to go wrong.
That I would never see him again.
Don't be stupid, Mail, I told myself, You're being overdramatic. Mells survived a bloody explosion. A kidnapping is nothing compared to that.
Mello slowly drew back, and I saw him hide away whatever emotion that had been trying to surface in his eyes before he met my gaze. Was it... regret? "Love you, Matt," he murmured.
"Love you too, Mells. I'll see you at the end of this."
Now I stand with my arms in the air, pain radiating throughout my body from the however-many gunshot wounds I've received. I didn't count. I don't care. I just focus on my last memory of Mello. I did this for him, after all. Hopefully he got out ok, and my death means he can carry on.
I topple backwards, hitting the bonnet of my beloved car as I do so. I slump against the side and, with my last breath, a cloud of smoke billows out from between my lips. The cigarette tumbles onto my jacket, the orange glow hissing out quietly. I think the cops say something, but I can't hear them anymore.
Sorry, Mells. I didn't make it.
I was lying to him. I didn't want to, but it was necessary. I needed Matt to live and escape, somehow. I was going to die and I didn't want him to know, because then he'd tell me what a dumbass I was being with this plan, and I was sure he'd find a way to change my mind.
I honestly didn't want to leave the apartment we shared; I was going to my death, which meant abandoning Matt. I'd already done it before, and I didn't want it to happen again, but I couldn't bring him to hell with me. I just couldn't do that to him. That's why I gave him the job of being the distraction, so he could make a sneaky exit while I gave up my life to stop Kira.
Bastard. Near, I swear to God, if you don't get him, I'll come back to haunt you.
Takada's in the back of the truck, wrapped in a blanket, and I'm driving to the location that will be my resting place and, although I don't know it, Takada's: the church. The only light in the cabin is the glow from the miniature TV. It's switched to the news but the sound is low, and I only realise what's happened when I glance at it.
I wrench my gaze back onto the road. My hands grip the steering wheel tighter. I grit my teeth to stop myself from howling in agony.
That's not his car on the screen… that's not his body riddled with bullets… it can't be his familiar face that's covered in blood…
But it is, and it's my fault.
Matt… I never meant for you to be killed… I'm sorry…
I take a hand from the steering wheel and hold the cross of my rosary, turning it over and over with my fingers. I feel nothing. I'm just… blank. Like a whiteboard that was covered with the scribblings of some mad genius, who saw a flaw in his thoughts and wiped it clean.
I have to finish this now. I was going to anyway, but now I have another reason.
Matt. He won't die in vain.
The truck rumbles to a stop inside a church, and I cut the engine. I simply sit there and wait. I know it will happen soon. This is Kira we're talking about. I'm Mello, and I have Takada in my grasp. He can't let that go. I know he won't; I was second at Wammy's for a reason.
Come at me, bro.
I gasp as a sudden tightness grips my heart, swiftly followed by intense pain. I slump forward onto the steering wheel and... just go with it. There's no escaping it, so there's no point trying to fight it. I've been prepared for this ever since I thought of my plan to help Near – you bastard, I'm dying to help you. You better win – but I never thought a heart attack would be like this...
Matt… I'm sorry you got caught up in this. I honestly thought you'd get away and carry on with your life. Hell, I even wondered if you'd team up with Near after I was gone. I wish I could say I'll see you in the afterlife, but I won't. You're a good guy, so you'll end up in heaven. I won't see you in hell.
I start to feel dizzy and I can feel my life leaving me – I know that's a clichéd description, but it's true; I feel like I'm slipping away. You beat that bastard, Near... I think. It's almost my last thought for good, until another one crosses my mind. Rest in peace, Matt... still love you...