Four years ago today I married my best mate, today is our wedding anniversary. I admit to have had concerns about marrying her, but, as the years have gone on, I regret nothing. Although our marriage is not conventional in that sense, I couldn't be happier. We don't celebrate our anniversary, she doesn't want to, I think it is because her Dad died the day after we were married finding out that she is really a lesbian. That makes our anniversary a little sad for her. I don't want her to be sad. Last year I decided that I would mark our third anniversary with something special for her, nothing fancy, just a meal out at her favourite restaurant, she would like that. I had great plans for the day when I got up, but, nothing prepared me for what was about to unfold on our shift together. Now here we are, one year on and one more year married, but now it is me who does not want to celebrate our anniversary, not after what happened last year.

I didn't really see the point in writing my feelings down, after all, it was not going to help, but, I promised her that I would try and I would do it. Today is as good as day as any for me to tell the story of what happened on our wedding anniversary. Hopefully as you read it, you will understand how I feel and why I do not want to celebrate our anniversary at the moment. She is hopeful that I will want to after I have shared my thoughts, but I am not too sure. She may be right, she usually is.

This year, it is her that has wanted to celebrate it, she wants to start to be happy together again, she wants to start again and I cannot really blame her, she has been though a lot. I got up this morning and for the first time she had sent me a card, here is what it said:

To my wonderful husband on our Wedding Anniversary.

My Dearest Jeffrey

Happy Anniversary Love! Today is going to be the start of something new for us, gone are the days of sadness and worry, it is time to move on and start again. I hope you like your present!

Love

Your Dixie xxxxx

It brought a small tear to my eye, but I cannot help but think she is right when she says it is time to move on. Maybe it is. Next to the card was a small box wrapped in silver paper, as I opened it, I realised that she had bought me a ring, it wasn't a wedding ring or anything, just a simple ring with a cross like pattern on it. I felt guilty that I had not bought her anything, not even a card.

She said she didn't mind, she wasn't expecting anything, just seeing me smile was enough she said. Although, she repeated her small request, for me to write about the last year. She has promised she won't read it, but will keep it with her one in a box at the back of the wardrobe. So, here I am, sat at the dining room table with pen and paper. What I am about to write down will fill in the gaps, will tell you what happened one year ago. It is not going to be pleasant, as I am writing, I am thinking about how I am going to write it as it makes me feel sick just thinking about what they did. But, I made a promise and I will keep it.