"Don't worry, I'm not going to pounce on you."
Was it wierd Emma took that a bit harshly? Kind of.. hurt when Jay had said that to her, as if he was trying to hint that he didn't want to maybe?
Why did Emma care so much?
The blonde sighed, laying on her back on her bed, alone in her room until the door opened and down came Manny.
"Hey." Manny said softly, walking to the end of it.
Emma lifted her head a bit and sighed sadly, crawling up.
"We haven't really talked all week." Manny said sadly, "Since.." she drifts off about when Emma stormed off when she brought up Sean.. so she didn't want to bring it up again but hinted it.
Emma nodded, she felt bad but I guess she really did need her drastic crack. But, it wasn't so bad, she felt like Jay being there really helped herself pull together.
"Are you still mad at me?" Manny pouted jokingly and Emma sadly smiled, shaking her head but her best friend always knew something was up, "What's wrong?" she crawled onto the bed with her.
Emma thought of Jay.
"Other than 100 other things and my mind and heart not knowing what it wants?" Emma bluntly asked mostly herself and blinked then shook that off her mind and confessed, "I saw Ellie making out with Craig last Monday."
If she should talk to anyone about this, why not Manny?
Emma looked for the shocked reaction but it never came, Manny gave her a calm stern look and Emma looked puzzled.
"Did you hear me?"
Manny sighed deeply and pierced her lips together, trying to put this together.
Manny finally spoke, "What would you say if you found out... I already knew?" she asked slowly, carefully watching Emma whose mouth fell.
"What do you mean Manny?"
"That night at the party, remember I wanted to tell you something?" Manny asked desperately, hoping Emma remembered and could forgive her for not saying anything
Emma slowly nodded, she did remember.
Manny looked down, "I saw Ellie kissing Craig that night, and they left..." her eyes slowly and almost afraid looked back to Emma, "they left the party together." She stated.
Emma looked horrified. So Ellie did this to Sean when he was alive..and was still doing it? She didn't feel the need to change, to ask for forgiveness, to break it off? She didn't feel guilty?
Emma was never a violent girl, but everything in her wanted to hurt Ellie and let everything fall to pieces.
Jay stood at the ravine, he held a beer but he wasn't exactly even drinking it, and Amy was putting her hands all over him but he wasn't exactly flirting back either.
He just wasn't the same old Jay anymore...
"Dude. Lets party." Towerz said to him happily, a bunch of their other friends and some trailer trash around the park standing with them.
Jay looked what was in Towerz hands, extasy, and in everyones hands, a beer.
Jay glared madly at Towerz, "Sean died almost 2 months ago popping pills and drinking and you want to do it again?" he shoved Towerz away from him.
"Dude!" Tyler, another friend, yelled, "Calm down! It's just a party with a bunch of rebels just fucking around!"
"I don't need another death on my hands." Jay growled, leaving.
He stormed madly through the ravine, smashing his beer bottle on the ground on the way, and just about into his car he stopped.
A familiar blonde stood with one of his old not so friendly friend, Aaron. He was a drug dealer, rude, and a womaniser. And the familiar blonde was Emma, and Jay would not stand for this.
Jay stormed over there and heard soft talking coming from Aaron, hitting on her, asking if she wanted any 'party favors' as if the first time with Peter Stone wasn't enough.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Jay asked, grabbing her arm.
Aaron looked at Jay and back at Emma, squinting his eyes. Emma looked back at Jay madly and then sadly.
"I just want to get things off my mind." She muttered.
Jay madly shook her, "Did it work last time!?" he yelled madly at Emma, reminding her of their first hook up, yes it was good, for him at least, but it wasn't what she really needed. "Lets go." He dragged her away.
Aaron could tell Jay wasn't fooling around and let it be, turning to another young girl he could take adventage of.
Jay and Emma were now back at her house, her parents at Joeys with Baby Jack. Emma was invited but you can understand why she didn't want to. Craig use to be Sean's best friend too, before they drifted apart.. he didn't feel bad about doing all of this to Sean?
"You're really going to make me sit here for another hour in silence wondering what's wrong?" Jay muttered, sitting on a chair near Emma's bed in which she sat on .
She just gave him a look, raising her eyebrow and he huffed.
"You're going to be the death of me." He growled, rubbing his forehead and closing his eyes as Emma snuck a glance at him and saddened deeply.
That phrase wasn't funny right now..
She looked down. It was wierd how much it hurt to think of what if Jay died.. she came to the realization she'd feel empty. It wouldn't feel right, no more teasing, no more of his charming evil ways, that smoldering look he always gave her.
Emma sniffed and said, "Ellie has been cheating on Sean since Spinner's last party."
Jay blinked and asked, "How would you know that?"
"Manny saw them that night, and they left together too." She snickered bitterly, "Ellie told Sean she was tired, when really she was going to behind his back with Craig."
Jay watched the tears build up in her eyes, and yes it was shitty but why was Emma so torn up about it? He felt his chest cave in a bit.
Woah, what was that?
Jay started to wonder.. did Emma love Sean? Does Emma not like Jay?
Emma's voice cracked when she tried to explain, "I just feel so hurt that Sean left, he left thinking he was loved when Ellie was really just a cruel person that never deserved him!" she began to yell and was heart broken a lost boy like Sean had someone in his life, fooling him like that.
Never deserved him, that hit Jay, she must of only wanted Sean all this time.
Little did Jay know about the last conversation Emma had with Sean. Emma remembered it like it was still yesterday...
Emma stood with Sean at the party and was looking down, she shrugged and said to him, "Doesn't mean we have to be together, because I don't think we're inlove." Emma thought about it, "Not anymore anyway." She thought about it more, "Maybe not ever." Sean looked at her and smiled softly, nodding.
END OF FLASHBACK.
Emma sighed, sad but happy her and Sean got to discover that and have that deep talk before he left.
Jay looked off in space before he looked at Emma and softened, then quietly said, "He left this world loved Emma, and you know that. Didn't have to be loved from just Ellie."
Emma softened, he was right. Wow, that was really relieving to hear tthat, she felt so much better. Sean was loved, he did have real friends. Her and Jay. Spinner even.
She got lost looking into Jay's eyes but he sighed, looking away, feeling a bit let down and still thinking those thoughts that Emma still loved Sean.
"I gotta go, I'm tired. Don't worry about this ever again, alright?" he raised a warning eyebrow and Emma just slowly nodded watching him go up her stairs.
She let a deep shakey breath out and felt her heart skip. Oh jesus, she was in love with someone who didn't believe in love.
The bell of the Dots door rang when a figure stepped in.
As usual, at the counter of the dim diner, stood Ellie and Craig sitting together sharing a milkshake and giggling, smiling with another.
"Look at the happy couple." Came Jay's dark voice.
Ellie and Craig looked up like deer in the head lights, Ellie tried to get back her courage and just gave Jay a 'what' look.
Jay leaned forward on the table they sat on and said lowly, "Does it feel good Craig? Still fucking an over -used whore that cheated on her deceased boyfriend? The same boyfriend who welcomed her into his home." Jay growled as he turned his eyes toward Ellie whose mouth dropped, "For her to just disrespect him like this?" he glared between them at their clichéd milkshake they shared, "And do it still after his death?"
Craig blinked nervously and swallowed hard, "You can't stop love Jay, I love Ellie."
"This isn't love." Jay said, disgusted. This is two attention seeking losers.
"As if you'd know." Ellie snapped back, thinking Jay was heartless, but she felt it, the pain, guilt and disgust of herself rising in her, she tried to push it back everyday.
Jay's eyes darkened at that reply, he spoke tauntingly, "If this love, I just hope that you stay together and don't ever go near another decent human being and ruin his life." He glared at the redhead, "Literally." He leaned in closer to her ear so Craig wouldn't hear, "Sean should of let you just slit your wrist to get it done with.. you never deserved him, NEVER."
Ellie found tears slipping from her eyes and Craig avoided looking at her.
Jay got up, turned, and left the 'lovers' be to drown in their lies and sorrow.
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong
I know better
Cause you said forever
Jay went missing for a week or two, leaving a concerned and worried Emma but she wouldn't admit it out loud.
Wasn't until the beginning of the new month he was back in front of Degrassi, now it had been more than 2 months since Sean's death, and people were finally regrestering it. Taking it in, accepting it.
"What's this?" Jay's voice shocked Spinner, Alex and Towerz as they turned to see their long lost friend.
The four were watching a yellow bus let some kids from Lakehurst off, and into their school.
Alex explained to him, "Lakehurst is moving in, something about their school blowing up. One of them probably did it." She snickered.
Spinner shrugged and admitted, "I almost burned down Degrassi once." He snickered a little nodding to Jay to see if he remembered.. as if he could forget?
"Something you shouldn't really admit to Spinner." Jay said to him, but didn't look at Spinner, he saw Emma standing with Manny, who was talking to a dark skinned man, who had his smooth little moves, making the girls laugh and giggle, his dark eyes watching Emma mostly though.
Jay felt..was this jealousy? He did not like it one bit, and he didn't mean the feeling, he meant this Lakehurst asshole hitting on his blonde.
"Later!" Spinner said to them, hitting Jay's back gently and left.
Alex looked to see a Lakehurst hitting on Emma too and just smirked, "Look, one is even moving in on our dear Cause girl." She laughed with Towerz "Any guys an idiot if they thought they'd get into her uptight prissy pants."
"Any guy is an idiot to be friends with you losers." Jay automatically said, narrowing his eyes to Alex and Towerz who stopped laughing and looked shocked, watching him walk off calmly, not even upset he just threw his two old friends away like garbage.
"JAY!" Towerz yelled, but he didn't come back.
The office door of Degrassi opened, Mrs H coming out and meeting up with Jay, "Ah, Mr Hogart.. I heard you wanted to see me." She let him in.
Jay didn't bother going in but he nodded, "Yeah." He took a deep breath in, "I'm done." He sighed, "I'm dropping out."
Mrs.H gave a little 'oh.' But nodded slowly, sort of understanding plus couldn't really do anything about it, he was now over 18.
Classes were now in session, and Jay took the time to go get his stuff out of his locker.
Didn't shock him how most of it were garbage.
Down the hall, a certain blonde noticed him, felt a little better he was finally around again, and went on over. Emma walked slowly over to Jay who threw some things from his locker into a garbage.
She watched him notice something, and slowly take out a hat, a beanie..Sean's beanie. She saw the sadness finally wash over the face of someone who hid feelings more than anyone she knew, and it was heart breaking..espashally because she cared deeply for him.
But he could never know that. Just like the last time.
"What are you doing?" Emma said softly and quietly, not sure if she was ready for the answer.
Jay looked a bit shocked and looked at her, and threw the beanie out, Emma looked at it and back to him, "Leaving Degrassi." Jay admitted a bit bitterly, not about leaving though, maybe he was still a bit bitter seeing Emma and another guy flirting.
Emma wanted to say no, to beg him to stay, but there was nothing she could do, and they'd probably never see another again, they had no reason..least a reason that wouldn't show they might be falling for the other.
Jay went to look back at Emma to the look back twice, she was walking away and already out the doors.
He frowned deeply, feeling like a spare just went through his chest. Is this..heartbreak? He's never felt the urge to run after someone and he was begging his pride not to right now, but he found himself going after her.
But when he was out the doors, she was gone.
Jay walked off, and away from Degrassi, forever.
It was weeks later that Jay found himself driving off and out of Toronto, away from the crazy city and into a new more cleaner one, starting fresh.
And Emma was back at Degrassi, missing him as much as he missed her. She would sit in class just thinking about where he was headed..where she even was.
And she'd probably never see Jay Hogart again.
Jay saddened, driving into his new city, Connecticut.
(Stuck on you-Stacie)
I can't take it
what am i waiting for?
my hearts still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you, but I love you
I can't stop thinking of you!
I'm stuck on you