It always bothered me that Castle never went after Beckett when she hid out in her father's cabin for three months. Especially after what happened with Kyra. So instead of writing another post always fic (I have written three just so you know) I decided to write a mid "Rise" fic.

Thanks as always to LittleLizzieZentara. Not only for editing this, not an easy task I can assure you, but for being my sounding board.

A is for Always


Natalie Elizabeth

Sitting in his darkened study, Richard Castle brought a glass to his lips and drank deeply. As the amber liquid slid down his throat he rejoiced in the fact that he didn't feel the burn. He didn't feel anything. Slamming the empty glass down, he reached for the bottle and haphazardly sloshed more alcohol into his glass.

It had been a month. A whole damn month since he had heard from the righteous Kate Beckett. She hadn't even had the decency to call. She texted him. After all they had been through and she sends a damn text!

Getting discharged today. Going to Dad's cabin to recover.

That was it. No "Hi Castle how's it going." No "I'm recovering ok. Thanks for saving me." Nothing! Just a 'this is where I was, this is where I will be.'

Since when did her dad own a cabin anyway? He had replied back of course. Practically sent her a novella telling her if she needed anything all she had to do was contact him. She hadn't. Silence. Not even to reply thanks.

After two weeks of working her case with Ryan and Esposito only to come up with nothing, he left the precinct. Why should he care if she lived or died? She obviously didn't care about him. Lanie had texted him twice letting him know Kate was in fact alive. It turned out she only got that information because she had contacted Kate's father. Kate hadn't called anyone. He should find some solace in that but he didn't. Kate had abandoned all the people who loved and cared for her.

And dammit even after she lied about what she remembered from the shooting he still loved her. She may be able to fool everyone else into believing she didn't remember anything but he knew better. He knew her better than that. He had seen her hesitate at the hospital when he enquired about what she remembered. She wouldn't even look at him. Instead her eyes had darted down and away.When she had finally looked up at him it was almost as if she was daring him to refute her claim. He hadn't; he had let her get away with it. Josh had just left the room and there would be plenty of time to discuss it later, or so he thought.

Damn her.

Bringing the glass in his hand to his lips, he misjudged the amount he had poured in. He practically threw the entire contents over his face in an attempt to take a drink. Placing the glass down on his desk he swiped at his face with his sleeve.

Oh, he didn't feel good. His stomach rolled and Castle wondered if he was going to be sick.

He stood up and swayed. Drinking was a great way to feel numb, a great way to forget. Or at least that was what he thought. Now, he wasn't so sure. It wasn't the first time he felt like this recently. If he was honest with himself he felt like this most of the time. Feeling sick was better than feeling pain. A pain in his heart that no medication could dull. Alcohol had that power. At least briefly.

Staggering towards his room he decided to go to bed. If he was lucky he would pass out and sleep the next day away. Without having a dream about Kate' instead. As he reached his bed he barely took in the messy state, just pictured himself diving in.

The pounding in his head started up and Castle closed his eyes trying to block it out. It didn't work. When he thought he heard his name Castle turned and walked back into his study. No one else was supposed to be home. His mother had taken her acting group on some spiritual retreat. Alexis had gone to visit her mother and Castle had never in his life been so grateful to Meredith. No way did he want his daughter to see him like this.

Walking further into his home he surveyed the dimly let kitchen area. It was empty and quiet. Shaking his head and then immediately regretting it, Castle turned back to the comfort of his room. He shrugged. He must have been hallucinating. That's what he got when for drinking vodka and then scotch a few hours after. Tomorrow he would lay off the scotch and stick with vodka. When the pounding started again Rick frowned. He hadn't realised it had stopped. It was unusual for it to start and stop. Normally the pounding continued until he fell asleep.


Ok, so he definitely heard his name this time. The pounding wasn't just coming from inside his head; it was coming from the door. Someone was knocking and quite loudly. He tried to move quickly so the pounding would stop but his legs wouldn't cooperate. Walking to the door was like trying to walk on a cruise ship with rough seas. He eventually made it to the door and somehow managed to get it open.

Seeing the person responsible for the noise Castle frowned in confusion. Was he hallucinating again? No wait, he wasn't hallucinating the first time. There had been knocking and this person had been the one doing it. Castle blinked a few times, but no, the person was still standing there. Nausea swept over him and a month's worth of pain erupted out of him.

"So tell me; you're a Beckett. Are you here to rip out my heart and stomp all over it, too?"

Before the person could respond, Richard Castle, master of the macabre, bestselling author and all round good guy, leaned forward and threw up at the feet of one Jim Beckett.

Authors Note: Ok so a little short but apart from that, what did you think?. The more reviews I see the quicker I'll get the next chapter up.

Yes I am not above using blackmail on all of you.

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