Love Potion HP
by Tavalya Ra

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J. K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Rowling is a goddess; may she have mercy on my soul for writing this.
Author's Notes: Thank you to Stacey of "Thin Line" for beta-reading, Anna for indulging and encouraging this insanity, and Simeone for loaning me her copy of Goblet of Fire, without which, I never would have been inspired to write this ridiculously long and thoroughly disturbing story. If anyone wishes to archive this story on his or her site, please contact me at clearbluedelphia@yahoo.com. Comments and criticisms are welcome. Flames will be ignored.

Fanfiction.net does not seem to appreciate italics. Thus asterisks are used to indicate words that should be italicized, including character's thoughts.

Chapter One: Explosions

Harry spied the pebble a split-second before it collided with his flask. The bottle tottered, then fell to the dungeon floor.

Smash! Professor Snape turned on his heel so swiftly that his billowing black robes snapped as they swished. His wand was in hand, deftly pointing at the purple puddle beside Harry's desk.

"Mr. Potter, is that your potion?" he asked dangerously.

Harry gulped. "Yes, sir."

Behind him, Draco Malfoy snickered.

"Why is it the wrong color?"

"I- I-"

Before he could adequately respond, Snape had stormed over to his desk and snatched a small, obviously unopened gray bottle.

"Could it be because you neglected to add the Flare-char Powder?" Snape asked pointedly, glaring down his hooked nose at Harry.

Professor Quirrell, a former teacher from Harry's first year, had once described Severus Snape as an "overgrown bat" and Harry had to agree. Snape was tall and thin, with an ever-present condescending sneer across his face. He wore only black, the same color as his cold eyes and greasy, shoulder-length hair. His skin was sallow, as if he never left the dungeon which held his classroom and office. He detested Harry and over the past few years, the sentiment had become mutual. Harry always felt only one of two emotions around Snape: extreme nervousness or bright anger. At the present moment, he was experiencing the former.

"I- I believe so..."

"For once, Mr. Potter," said Snape sardonically, "your incompetence has saved your life. Had you mixed the potion properly, it would have exploded when it struck the floor. Ten points from Gryffindor for trying to blow yourself up... and an additional twenty for failing to do so."

Harry slumped in his seat. Thirty points from Gryffindor all because of Malfoy. *I bet he would have added points to Gryffindor if I had gotten blown up!*

"Professor." Hermione stood up. Snape gave her a disdainfully dulled look. "With all due respect, it isn't Harry's fault. A stone hit-"

"Miss Granger, there is nothing honorable about covering up another friend's folly- particularly when it could have resulted in his death," Snape countered coolly, then addressed the class. "You are fifth-year students, which means you should be capable of the responsibility of working with dangerous substances. If any of you finds acting your age objectionable, I suggest you come to class a period earlier to work with the first-years."

Snape's beetle-black eyes darted to the ceiling as the bell rang. "Tonight, I want you all to review the standard safety procedures- I think a test is in order. However, this means you will have to make up tomorrow's lesson on your own time."

Everybody, even the Slytherins, groaned as they filed out of the classroom. Harry was just about to leave when Snape tossed a rag at him. "Not yet, Potter. Clean this mess up."

Harry sighed and began to wipe up the puddle. Snape observed him coldly as if he were an insect. A few minutes later, he heard a sound like nails tapping against the floor. Snape looked up; Harry saw him grimace with distaste.

"Never mind," he said. "I'll clean it up."

Harry was surprised but did not ask questions. He stood up and saw a large black dog walking across the room.

*Sirius?* Harry knew he had been at Hogwarts since late July and he had spoken with him several times since school began last month, but why would he be visiting Snape?

"Potter..." Snape warned.

Harry hastily scampered from the room, making brief eye-contact with Sirius before departing.

* * *

Severus Snape folded his arms and regarded the dog coolly as it slowly morphed into a man, Sirius Black. The last time Severus had seen him, he had not had a proper haircut in years. Now, his black mane appeared to have been roughly hacked off at the shoulder and it resembled a mop. Although his eyes were bright, his face had traces of a haunted look which never left him. He was not quite the same person Severus had gone to school and shared a mutual hate relationship with twenty years ago; Azkaban had left its mark upon him.

"What do you want, Black?" he asked without any particular interest, but his loathing was nonetheless apparent.

Sirius sighed. "Listen, I've been thinking-"

"A new experience for you?"

He glared at him for several moments before speaking again. "Funny," he stated flatly. "You're not making this easy."

"Then spit it out so you can leave," Severus retorted calmly.

Sirius continued. "I've been talking quite a bit with Dumbledore and it's obvious that you and I might have to work together in the future. There is a lot of... history... between us and I-"

"As tempting as it is, I won't turn you over to Azkaban," he informed him. "Now if you'll excuse me..."

"That wasn't what I mean!" Sirius exclaimed exasperated, but Severus had already turned. "Listen..." Sirius grabbed his arm. The left one. Severus gasped in pain and Sirius instantly released him.

"What-"

"Oh, it's not you!" he snapped, cradling his arm. "It's none of your business."

"But the Mark-"

"It's been burning on and off for the past week. Dumbledore knows, so just keep out of it. Now, your obviously hell-bent on telling me whatever it is, so just do it!"

Sirius growled in frustration. "I came to apologize," he said gruffly.

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Apologize? How humble of you. What for this time, Black? Did the headmaster put you up it again?

"Snape, I'm serious. I want to apologize for..." he bit his lip. "For luring you into following Remus-"

"Oh, you mean the night you tried to have me killed?" he inquired politely.

"I didn't mean-"

"Then what *did* you mean? A critical injury rather than just simply death?"

Sirius only glared.

"Oh, why am I not surprised?" he scoffed. "The illustrious Mr. Black couldn't predict the behavior of a rabid werewolf. What about Lupin? Surely he knew-"

"Remus wasn't in on the plan."

"Excuse me?" he said.

"Remus knew nothing about it, and for the matter neither did James. It was all my idea. They found out at the last minute. You have no reason to hold a grudge against them, Severus. It was all me."

Severus sneered. "How noble of you to take all the blame."

"Damn it, will you listen to me! I want to apologize-"

"That makes it all better, right?" he said silkily. "Let bygones be bygones. Would you so generously dole out the forgiveness you expect of me if right this second Peter Pettigrew-"

Sirius gasped. "What do you know about Pettigrew?"

Severus gave him a superior smile. "Oh, Dumbledore told me the truth about the two of you. I was surprised. I never knew he was a Death Eater, although I wasn't very shocked to learn you were one."

Sirius was so furious he was trembling. "You know very well I was never a Death Eater. I am innocent man!"

"Innocent?" Severus was quite enjoying himself. "Of Pettigrew's death, perhaps."

"What are you implying?"

"Isn't it obvious?" he toyed.

"Damn it, Snape, can't you ever talk straight!" he shouted.

Severus narrowed his eyes. "I knew from the start you were nasty, Sirius. Later, I learned you were murderous as well. I know what you are capable of. I can see into your true nature-"

"I'm not your reflection, Snape!" he snapped.

Severus took a deep breath. "And what is that supposed to mean?" he whispered.

With acid on his tongue, Sirius pronounced, "Your assessment is pretty rich coming from a Death Eater."

Severus felt himself turn icy, then burn up in rage.

"Rich, is it! I think I've earned it!" he exclaimed. "I saw where Voldemort was going and knew I didn't want to follow- and I knew what that meant, too! I knew I was risking everything, more than even my life, by turning away from the Dark Lord when he was on the rise, but I had the character to do it! Could the same be said of you, Black? If you were in my position, would you have had the spine-"

"How long would you have lasted in *Azkaban?!*" Sirius bellowed. "For over twelve years, I had every shred of happiness, everything that made life worth the living, sucked from me! My worst memories were dredged up and paraded before my mind-"

"What were you *doing* in Azkaban if you were so innocent?"

"I wasn't given a trial! Barty Crouch-"

"Oh, that's the story of your life, isn't it, Black?" Severus spat. "It's always the fault of someone else. Pettigrew framed you, Crouch sentenced you, and you, you're just the innocent victim-"

"I'm far more innocent than you!"

Severus stiffened. "I know my crimes, Sirius. I can accept my own actions."

"What is *wrong* with you!" he screamed. "I came to apologize, to say I'm sorry I almost had you killed when we were schoolboys, but now I'm not so sure! What have you ever done for *anybody?*"

Severus was livid. "Have I no value as an educator? Had I no value as a spy against Voldemort? I saved your brat godson's life once- surely that's something even you would recognize as of value!"

Sirius regarded him keenly. "What are you talking about?"

"His first year here, the current Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher jinxed his broom during a Quidditch match. I was simultaneously casting the counter-curse."

Sirius took a step back, absolutely stunned. Severus approached him, saying softly, "You don't know everything, Sirius."

"Neither do you!" he retorted.

"Oh, I think I know quite enough-!"

Severus' toe stubbed against an odd cobblestone on the floor. He stumbled and toppled into Sirius, who caught him in his arms. Their eyes were level, the Dark Mark on his skin burned and the next moment-

The next moment never happened. Time jumped forward to several seconds later, in which Severus found something soft pressed against his lips. It was Sirius' mouth. Both, with a strangled enraged cry, pushed the other away. Severus was boiling in a bubble of his own fury. Sirius' face was a shock of pure surprise and disgust.

"GET OUT!" Severus roared.

"Why are you mad?" Sirius shouted back. "You're the one who-" He stopped and shuddered. "Oh... ugh..."

"I most certainly DID NOT! GET OUT!"

Severus snatched up a flask and lobbed it at Sirius' head. It missed; instead it hit the wall and shattered, but nothing happened. Apparently, it was one of Potter's concoctions.

"You are the most infuriating person I have ever met!" Sirius roared, grabbing a bottle to return the favor.

Severus's heart leapt in his throat as he recognized the potion as the work of Hermione Granger. He swiftly jumped aside, barely dodging the small explosion that resulted.

* * *

Harry did not catch up with Hermione and Ron until they were halfway to the Gryffindor tower.

"Ron! Hermione!" he shouted.

Both of them turned as he ran straight for them. His face was flushed and his heart was thumping wildly.

"What is it?" Hermione asked.

"You'll never believe it," Harry answered breathlessly. "I saw Sirius enter the Potions room! He's talking with Snape-"

"What?" Ron interrupted. "Why would Sirius and Snape-"

"I didn't spy because it was Sirius. They might still be-"

"Harry, where is your bag?" Hermione inquired suddenly.

Harry paused and a look of dread stole over his face.

"Oh no."

"What?" asked Ron.

Harry groaned. "I left it in Snape's room," he realized miserably.

"You have to get it right away!" Ron declared. "If Snape finds it-"

Hermione sighed. "He's a teacher. He won't do anything."

"Yeah, right!" Ron retorted, grabbing Harry's arm. "Come on, let's get it!"

The two of then rushed down the hall. From behind, Hermione muttered, "At least we just left last period."

* * *

The Potions room was not at all as Harry had left it. Several cauldrons were upturned and rolling on the floor, shards of glass were littered everywhere, their contents mingling into purple and red puddles. Scorch marks evidenced several small, recent explosions. Although Harry's bag was in plain view, so too was something else far more disturbing. Professor Snape was pressed against his desk by Harry's godfather, Sirius Black. They were literally tearing at each other's faces, but it took Harry a few moments to realize that while they were intently trying to gouge out each other's eyeballs, they were also kissing.

The look of disgust on Ron and Hermione's faces would have been perfectly precious had they not mirrored Harry's own. Somehow, despite that his tongue had turned to lead, he managed to find his voice.

"On second thought, I'll just get my bag in the morning..."

The three made a hasty, silent, and most importantly, unnoticed retreat.