All my notes commenting on this fic are at the bottom.

I don't own Vampire Light or OHSHC. Any similarites you've seen in other fics are completely coincidental.

Oh yeah, and brace yourselves for some major crack towards the end. You'll know it when you get there.

Zero was asked to go to the Chairman's office along with Yuuki. They had been told by him that there was something important he needed to tell them.

Opening the door, Zero peered inside to find Kaien talking to a girl with bright blue hair that cascaded like a waterfall around her beautiful face. He was struck by her beauty, and the way her bright yellow eyes seemed to shine in the moonlight.

"Chairman, who's this?" he asked.

"Hello," she said, bowing deeply. "My name is Nuriko Kuran, Kaname's long lost sister. I lived in the States for most of my life and I decided to come back to Japan."

"She's the Night Class's newest addition," Kaien explained. "I want you to take her to the Moon Dorms."

"Of course, Chairman!" said Yuuki happily, even though she was more than little paranoid about the girl.

The brunette grabbed Nuriko's hand and began to drag her away. Zero was right behind them.

"So, you say you're Kaname's sister?" she asked enquiringly.

"Yes," the girl replied.

It's strange how Kaname hadn't ever mentioned her before, Yuuki thought.

They had taken her to the Moon Dorms and Nuriko thanked them graciously before going inside. Yuuki walked away from the place with a weird feeling in her stomach. Something was off about that girl.

~Next Day~

"Stand back guys!" Yuuki yelled to the girls as she blew onto her whistle. "You need to stay back!"

Zero was late that day and the brunette was struggling to hold everyone back. Soon, the doors began to open slightly and the girl's squealing came to a maximum as they saw the Night Class.

"Kya! It's the Night Class!" they said.

"And look, it's that girl Nuriko! She's so beautiful!"

"And her hair is the greatest thing in the world!"

"I wanna be like her!"

Yuuki held them back as the newcomer smiled shyly as she waved at the girls. Again, the prefect felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach when she saw that girl, but she didn't know what it was.

Unbeknownst to Yuuki, another fangirl was gazing intently at Nuriko, her eyes narrowed to slits. She had a feeling she knew who this so-called 'new girl' was, but she needed more evidence to prove her right.


Yuuki was walking in the school that night on patrol in front of the Moon Dorms. Zero was still nowhere in sight, not that she minded. She needed to straighten things out for herself.

She had taken a turn around a corner and found Nuriko sitting on a rock in the moonlight with a guitar in her hand. Then she opened her mouth and the brunette found herself enchanted by the sound of her voice as she began singing.

"I hope that you settled down
That you found a girl
And you're married now…"

There was no way this girl could sing too. Yuuki couldn't believe her ears as she emerged from the shadows in which she was hiding in. Nuriko looked up to find the prefect standing right there next to her.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I came out here because I didn't think anybody would be listening."

Yuuki looked at the girl intently. "You play the guitar well, and you're a great singer."

"Yeah, I came from a musical background," she murmured. "I know how to play the violin, the flute, drums, the trumpet, the piano and the cello."

"Of course you can," Yuuki sighed.

She was still getting weird vibes from this girl, and the brunette was beginning to get frustrated.

Soon a fox came out of nowhere and proceeded to sniff Nuriko, who petted it affectionately. "This is Amiko," she said lovingly. "I found him on the verge of dying a few years ago. He was only a pup back then, but I nursed him back to health. I love animals and they tend to bond with me pretty quickly."

She looked up from the fox. "There's something I need to tell you, Yuuki," she said gravely. "I know Zero's a vampire."

Yuuki stumbled back in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"He's not human, I know that."

The prefect was surprised, how was she capable of knowing that Zero was a vampire when the rest of the school didn't know? Who was this girl?

In the bushes, where neither of them could see, a certain light brown haired Otaku was taking notes on what had occurred.


Nuriko was in class, listening to the lecture when she heard a twig snap outside. In a snap she jumped out of her seat and ran down the stairs, ignoring everyone's protests as she ran out of the classroom. Soon she spotted to Day Class girls in a tree trying to take pictures of the Night Class on a dangerous looking branch.

"Get down from there!" she said. "You could get-"

She was too late. The branch snapped and the girls began to fall to the ground. Thinking fast, Nuriko lifted her hand and concentrated on the girls and they froze, mid-fall.

"How did you do that?" she heard a voice ask behind her. Nuriko turned to find Zero standing there and she smiled.

"I'm telepathic," she explained, lowering the confused Day Class girls to the floor.

They stood there for a while, face to face and her gaze made Zero blush slightly. "I-I need to go."

Why was he stammering like an idiot?

She smiled as she went back to the girls and helped them up. "I need to go take them to Kaien. Come with me?"

Zero's heart stuttered as he agreed and he accompanied her to the office. After a few minutes, Nuriko knocked on the door and the Chairman opened it. Yuuki was already in there with him.

"Ah, Nuriko!" he said, hugging her. "I heard of your heroic act from Yuuki! I have some good news. You're now a member of the Disciplinary Committee."

Her yellow eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

He nodded, but Yuuki felt the weird feeling in her stomach again.

Zero looked at Nuriko when he finally realized why he was acting in those strange ways. Why his heart fluttered every time he saw her, and he knew what he had to do.

"Nuriko, I think I lo-"

"Hold it right there!"

The entire place remained silent as the floor opened to access a platform which was rising slowly. As it ascended, a light brown haired girl in what looked like an incredibly yellow school uniform emerged on top of it. "I said, hold it right there!"

Kaien was gaping at the platform that had miraculously appeared outta nowhere. Just when was it installed in his office?

"Who are you?" Zero asked in irritation.

"The answer to all your prayers!" she yelled in determination. "I travel far and wide to help fangirls and Otaku's everywhere from falling into the trap of unoriginal, uncreative writing!" Suddenly flowers appeared as the girl's eyes watered. "I am Renge, proud fangirl and manager of the Ouran High School Host Club."

"Wait, what?" Yuuki asked. "You're in the wrong anime!"

"This is Vampire Knight, Miss," Kaien said helpfully. "If you access the anime underground and go use the third platform, you anime is on the third stop just after Inuyasha. You should get back to it quite quickly."

"I know where my anime is, and I'm most certainly not in the wrong place!" she declared. "I get out of my anime from time to time to do every fangirl in existence a favor. Why do you think I hardly ever appear in the anime?"

Neither of them protested. It all seemed to make sense.

"So…why're you here?" Yuuki finally asked.

She jumped off the platform and began pacing around the room. "But why am I here?"

I just asked that, Yuuki thought in annoyance.

"My sole purpose in life is to make fangirls happy! Why do you think I'm the host club's manager? I give fangirls what they want, because as I myself am a fangirl, I know what it is they want and what they don't want, my dear friend, is you!" she pointed straight ahead.

Kaien saw that she was pointing directly at him. "M-me?"

The Otaku groaned in frustration. "No, the fangirl's want you. Take a few steps to the left, Chairman."

He did as he was told and Renge was now pointing at a certain blue haired, golden eyed girl. "You mean…me?"

"You think you're all that, don't you?" Renge sneered. "Nobody knows who you really are, but I can see through that pathetic character anyway."

"What do you mean?" she asked, practically on the verge of tears. Her beautiful face scrunched up as she tried not to cry.

"Let's review the facts, shall we?" Renge began pacing again, opening what seemed to look like a notebook with a lot of writing in it. "'Sunday, eighteen hundred hours: a mysterious blue haired, golden eyed girl appears out of nowhere claiming to be Kaname's long lost sister.'"


"Don't interrupt me, you sorry excuse for a character," Renge threatened and the girl shut up. "'This girl is described as one of the most beautiful vampires in the world and came in from America. Monday, seventeen hundred hours: The girl attends class for the first time. As she comes out, the girls in the Day Class all seem to love her. Twenty four hundred hours: she's spotted singing beautifully on the guitar. Claims she is able to play numerous amounts of instruments. Then goes on to say that she nursed a fox pup back to health. Afterwards she claims she knows about Zero being a vampire.'"

"Were you stalking me?" Nuriko asked in horror.

"With good reason," she justified. "Now, 'Tuesday, twenty one hundred hours: suspect saves girls from tree with extremely powerful telekinesis. Zero appears and finds himself as a blabbering fool. When she goes to Kaien to make sure the girls have a proper punishment, Kaien makes her a part of the Disciplinary Committee and Zero is about to confess his love to her.'"

Renge shut the book, a big smile of satisfaction on her face while the rest of the room was left flabbergasted.

"What's that prove except you have stalker tendencies?" asked Nuriko.

The Otaku was fuming at her question. "It proves that you're a fake, a phony, a character faux pas, a good for nothing sham!"

Nuriko gasped at this. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You claim that you're Kaname's 'long lost sister' when he's never, ever mentioned a Nuriko Kuran in his entire life," Renge pointed out. Nuriko looked struck by this, and was in a state of paralysis as the Otaku went on, "You say you 'grew up' in America, but you rock up in Japan knowing fluent Japanese." Nuriko winced away, as if something was hurting her. "The Day Class girls, love you, even though it's obvious that they hate any kind of competition." Nuriko stepped back as if she was punched in the gut. "You can sing and play multiple kinds of instruments, even though you had no kind of teaching." With each 'offense', Renge walked closer to blue haired girl who was now stumbling backwards. "You 'nursed a fox pup back to health' when you have no expertise in the veterinary career! You miraculously know about Zero being a vampire." Nuriko was up against the wall by now, gasping uncontrollably and hair disheveled, her face slightly deformed. "You have an incredibly powerful power compared to other vampires, Kaien made you a member of the Disciplinary Committee," Nuriko clutched her heart as her body began to shift into something gruesome, as she screamed out in agony. "And last, but most certainly not least, you turned Zero into a blabbering fool even though it's against his very nature!"

Yuuki stared wide eyed at the girl. "What's going on? What's happening to her?" she asked in panic.

"Don't you dare refer to such a creature by 'her'," Renge snapped.

"What's happening?" Kaien asked as 'Nuriko' moaned and growled as her body was contorting and her changing.

"What you're looking at…is a Mary Sue!" Renge declared.

It seemed that was the final blow because all of a sudden it was thrown to the wall and dropped to the floor, quivering and shaking like some kind of monster.

"What's going on?" Yuuki asked, trying to hide Zero.

"It's reverting back to its original form," Renge explained. "The result of lack of creativity and bad ideas."

"NOOooooo!" it said as it tried to get up, but Renge took out a white block and looked at it intently.

"What's that?" Zero asked.

"It opens the confines of a writer's brain. The part is created from being uncreative," Renge explained, throwing the white block.

All of a sudden, a black hole emerged and began sucking intensely. Yuuki held onto Zero for dear life as the Mary Sue began to be sucked into it.

"Don't worry, we're all canon characters!" Renge yelled over the noise. "It only takes out the unwanted OC's."

And as soon as she said it, the Mary Sue lost grip to the floor and was thrown into the dark abyss of uncreativity to be lost, forever.

The hole closed abruptly and Renge sighed in satisfaction. "That was fun."

Yuuki found herself hugging the Otaku. "Oh thank you, Renge, for saving us from the Mary Sue."

She shrugged. "All in a day's work. I live to give fangirls what they want, and what they don't want are disgusting Mary Sues."

Zero shuddered. To think he would've fallen for that girl.

"Well, I'm off!" Renge declared as she opened a portal. "I got word the other day of another Mary Sue in Naruto. I need to exterminate it before things get out of hand."

"We're forever in your debt!" Kaien exclaimed as the girl walked to the portal.

"Don't worry, the look on the Mary Sue's face when it found out that it was caught out was more than enough payment," Renge replied. "Expect to see me again soon!"

Hehe, I'm done :D

Let's be honest, we're all guilty of a Mary Sue one way or another. Even if it's not on fanfiction. Yes, I'm talking to you, the person who deleted that fic because your realised you OC wasn't cutting it before it was too late.

I've always wanted to do one of things, and I only put Renge in there because she seemed like the best candidate as the 'Terminator'.

I just wanted to voice my frustrations against Mary Sue's and this seemed like the best (and most fun) way of doing it.

Well, that's it for this oneshot. Please read my fic, Vampire Light. It would be much appreciated. Even if you just glanced over it.

Oh, and you see that button over there? The one just under this fic? Yeah, it says 'review' so you better do it or else no Pocky for you!