Klaus Schilling


iDont Own any of the subsequentially listed sources used for this non-commercial work.




Quinn Pensky's way from a middle school girl at Pacific Coast Academy to her first Nobel Prize at the age of 20.

Table of Contents

1. Pilot
1.1. Quinn Pensky
1.2. Pacific Coast Academy
2. The PCA
2.1. California, here I come!
2.2. On the campus
2.3. Butler Hall
2.4. Room 103
3. Quinnventions
4. My Schedule
5. My Motivation
5.1. Science Club
5.2. Social Life
5.3. Junior Medic
6. Wireless
6.1. Confess Or Stress
6.2. Leaking Informations
6.3. Things get worse
6.4. Good Cop — Bad Cop
6.5. Revenge
7. Prank Week
7.1. Noises in the night
7.2. Toilet Paper
7.3. The Sonic Bomb
7.3.1. An Idea
7.3.2. Converstaion With Cal
7.3.3. Completed
7.4. Passing Out
7.5. Bradford's Statue
7.6. Supershock
7.7. Revival
7.8. Waking Up
8. Quinn Pensky VP
8.1. Projects
8.2. Team Zoey
8.3. Triple Trouble
8.4. Tuning In
8.5. The Winners
9. Dramatic
9.1. School Plays
9.2. Alien Girl Zorka
9.3. The Cast
9.4. Dustin's Cold
9.5. The Première
10. Mark Del Figgalo
10.1. Boys At PCA
10.2. Test Rabbit
10.3. Preparing A Date
10.4. The Decisions
10.5. Mark's Girlfriend
11. Sleep Withdrawal
11.1. Spring Fling
11.2. No Sleep
11.2.1. Reactions
11.2.2. Hallucinations
11.3. The Concert
11.4. Somnambulia
12. Oranas
12.1. Banapple Shrub
12.2. Scarecrow
12.3. Mindy Crenshaw
12.4. Other fruits
13. Middle School Dance
13.1. The Annunce
13.2. The Results
13.3. Bug Hunt
13.4. Revised And Updated
13.5. Dancing Floor
14. Fat-Free Potato Chips
14.1. Basketball Team
14.2. Speechless
14.3. Confusion
15. Sleep Well!
15.1. End Of Term
15.2. Mystic Beach
15.3. Waking Up
15.4. Too Late!
15.5. The Counter Medic
15.6. The Search
15.7. Anesthesis
16. July In Los Angeles
16.1. Summer Job
16.2. Cheesy Statistics
16.3. End Of Summer
17. Power Failure
17.1. Changes
17.2. New Girls
17.3. Midnight Shock
18. Restless Nights
18.1. Snorting Issue
18.2. What To Do
18.3. My Nose
18.4. The Surgery
18.5. Successful
19. Halloween
19.1. Haunted House
19.2. Visitors From France
19.3. Disguises
19.4. Tunnels Of Horror
19.5. Gone Kids
19.6. The End Of The Mansion
19.7. Zombie Terror
20. Confusing Stink
20.1. Stupid Boys
20.2. Sam hits on Dustin
20.3. Naked Boys
21. Frenzy
21.1. Stupid Web Show
21.2. Hypnosis
21.3. He says, she says.
21.4. Nicole's Grandpa
21.5. Turmoil
21.6. Mass Suggestion
21.7. Rotten Fish And Fried Chicken
22. Fight For The Rooftop
22.1. Chicken Pox
22.2. The Boys' Roof
22.3. Cross Dressing
22.4. Power Medication
22.5. Consequences
23. Incinerated
23.1. Robot War League
23.2. Ridiculous Attempt
23.3. Obliterated
23.4. A Blatant Rebuttal
23.5. The League
24. The Trombone
24.1. Lola's Tutor
24.2. Brass Wind
24.3. Flowers And Bees
24.4. Logan Teaches Dustin
24.5. Chase dates Lola
24.6. The Explanation
24.7. Sandy Baldwin
25. Sunny
25.1. Spring Break
25.2. Frazz
25.3. The Roof
25.4. Mixing
26. Tek Mate
26.1. End Of Vacations
26.2. Broadcasting
26.3. Lost Messages
26.4. Chase Loves Zoey
26.5. Zoey's Reply
27. Fiery Surprise
27.1. Smoked Tuna
27.2. Beyond Repair
27.3. Restoring The Bar
27.4. A Sponsor
27.5. Reducing The Risk
27.6. Fire Alert System
28. Otis
28.1. Office Machine
28.2. My Alpaca
28.3. Sad Songs
28.4. Up And Away
28.5. In The Air
29. Makes Me Happy
29.1. Seattle
29.2. Sick Alpaca
29.3. Honour Council
29.4. The Battle
29.5. Faye Dunnaway
30. Sales Action
31. Too Slow
31.1. Defeat
31.2. Office Robot
31.3. Combover
31.4. The Survival Guide
32. Past Life
32.1. Nevel Papperman
32.2. Office At Ridgeway
32.3. Nevelocity
32.4. Back To California
33. Stacey Dillsen
33.1. Another Year At PCA
33.2. Nicole Is Gone
33.3. My New Roomie
33.4. Cotton Swabs And White Glue
33.5. Simulation Program
33.6. Grizzly Glue
33.7. Next Door
34. Rebecca
34.1. Evil Girl
34.2. Toon Juice
34.3. More Stupidity
34.4. Chess Mate
35. Coco Goes Nuts
35.1. The Miniature Plane Crash
35.2. Substitute
35.3. Coco got dumped
35.4. New Cheerleading Uniforms
35.5. Dean Rivers Gets Restored
36. Logan's Grandpa
36.1. Zoey Sucks
36.2. Chase's Observation
36.3. Mindy's Discovery
36.4. Cal answers
36.5. Figuring
36.6. Zoey's New Tutor
37. Moon Bars
37.1. Football Fever
37.2. Healthy Snacks
37.3. Taste Boosting
37.4. Scandalous
38. Sarah Kyla
38.1. New Girl
38.2. Quinntex
38.3. Mindy finds out
38.4. Bodyguard
39. Knocked Out
40. Silly Crush
40.1. The Ruthless Casanova
40.2. Another Idiotic Bet
40.3. Savage To The Rescue
40.4. Michael's Misery
41. Martial Machine
41.1. Wrestling Regionals
41.2. Sands Of Redstone Gulch
41.3. Lisa goes to Palmwood
41.4. Beaten Up
42. Rain Storm
42.1. Spring Time
42.2. Rebecca's Comeback
42.3. The Grandmother
42.4. Evil Vendor Machine
42.5. The Party
42.6. Rubbing Salt Into Wounds
43. The torture goes on.
43.1. Deluge
43.2. Screaming
43.3. Dennifer
43.4. Machine Manipulation
43.5. Evil Guys
44. This Ol' Radio
44.1. Dustin goes on a camping trip.
44.2. Soil Restructured
44.3. The G.O.
44.4. Model Fada
44.5. Eastridge
45. National Science Fair
45.1. The Message
45.2. An Offer For The Radio
45.3. Impending Demonstration
45.4. Arrested
45.5. The Mean Cheater
46. We are on the race track.
46.1. Summer Break
46.2. The Turbo Lawnmower
46.3. The race is on.
47. Customer Of The Week
47.1. Back On The Campus
47.2. Dean Taylor
47.3. Dancing Contest
47.4. The Endless Queue
47.5. French Accent
47.6. Dancing Floor
47.7. Jerk Of The Year
48. The Sundered Virgin
48.1. Jadie Hawthorne
48.2. Dismissed
48.3. Cotton Swabs
48.4. Gordy runs into Coco.
48.5. The Web Show Renewed
48.6. Disappointed Zoey
49. Barbecue Inferno
49.1. Zoey's Granduncle
49.2. Liquid Candle
49.3. Reese Rib Rub
49.4. Where is it?
49.5. Barbecue Day
49.5.1. Start Of The Contest
49.5.2. When all hair is gone …
49.5.3. The Outcome
49.6. Hair Growth
50. Apples And Kisses
50.1. Apples And Kisses
50.2. Stacey's new Haircut
50.3. The Desert Guide
50.4. Kidney Failure
50.5. Hot Stacey
50.6. Back From The Wastelands
51. Dustin misses Zoey
51.1. Mail From Japan
51.2. Fears Coming True
51.3. Shock Around Midnight
51.4. The Morning After
51.5. Dustins Real Reason
52. Forced Laughter
52.1. Bad girls don't die.
52.2. Oral Stink
52.3. The Public Experiment
52.4. Fan Wars
53. Beauty Pageant
53.1. The Announce
53.2. The Catwalk
54. Air Bra
54.1. Crumple Zones
54.2. Inflatable Bra
54.3. The First Demo
54.4. Interested Girls
54.5. Negotiations
54.6. Expansion Of The Idea
55. Vistors' Day
55.1. Doheny At PCA
55.2. Potential New Students
56. Offers
56.1. In The Middle Of The Lessons
56.2. London Calling
56.3. The Suckish Show
56.4. Dustin's Lie
56.5. Chase The Dino
56.6. Cal moves away
57. Too Many Miles
57.1. Dennifer Is Back
57.2. Zoey Dates James
57.3. Angry Logan
57.4. Taylor's Verdict
57.5. Winchester
57.6. Charity Walkathon And Frazz
58. The Return Of The Jock
58.1. Dark Anticipations
58.2. Trouble Maker
58.3. Lola's And Zoey's Weakness
58.4. Naïve Boys
58.5. Dinner At Vaccaro's
58.6. Frazz Machine
59. Fears
59.1. Boring Lessons
59.2. Michael The Coward
59.3. Space Training
59.4. The First Kiss
59.5. The Next Days
60. Mr. Takato
60.1. Junior Prom Approaching
60.2. Mysterious Stranger
60.3. Prom Court
61. Last Year At PCA
61.1. End Of Summer
61.2. Back On The Campus
62. Chain Letters
62.1. Consuela's Revenge
62.2. PakRat
62.3. Cursed World
62.4. The Prodigy At PCA
62.5. Marie Curie's Letters
63. Sam's Debts
63.1. Birthdays Ahead
63.2. Begging Online
63.3. Traces Of Tesla
63.4. Disgusting
63.5. Suing Logan
64. Kelly Cooper
64.1. Terrible Short Movie
64.2. Basketball Team
64.3. Première
64.4. Finally Eighteen!
64.5. Cal's Visit
65. America Sings
65.1. Worst Voice
65.2. Other Victims
65.3. David Or Wade
65.4. The Decision
65.5. Stars At Night
65.6. Wade's Sister
65.7. The Charlatan
66. Freddie Versus Fred
66.1. Funny Clips
66.2. Frazz Envy
66.3. Fred Killer
66.4. Tree House Freak
66.5. Mr. Chopsaw
66.6. Wood Delivery
67. Couleda's Thanks
67.1. Trying To Talk To Ashley
67.2. David Couleda At PCA
67.3. The Prototype
67.4. Changing Conditions
68. Tokyo Connections
68.1. International Web Award
68.2. Kazu Reclines
68.3. Learning Japanese
68.4. Japanese Partners
68.5. Takato's Return
69. Big In Japan
69.1. In The Air
69.2. Weird Things
69.3. The Winner
69.4. Negotiations
70. Jackson Colt
70.1. Back From Japan
70.2. More oddities
70.3. No Pass
70.4. Sneaking Out
70.5. Caught
70.6. Rare Meteorite
71. Dingo Channel
71.1. Plagiarism
71.2. The Dingo Skull
71.3. The Cryogenic Engineer
71.4. Charles Dingo
71.5. Cold As Ice
71.6. Claire Sawyer Strikes
72. Missy Robinson
72.1. Carly's Old Friend
72.2. More Info About Eichman
72.3. Prom Partner
72.4. Sam gets poisoned
72.5. Sinjin's Revelations
72.6. Nevel Loves Missy
73. Artistic
73.1. Stacey's Snowflake
73.2. Bunny Drawing
73.3. Stacey is down.
73.4. Dustin wants to learn arts.
73.5. Bad Zoey
73.6. Switcheroo
73.7. Blue And Yellow Gives Green
74. Queen Of Mixed Martial Arts
74.1. The Battle Robot
74.2. Shelby's Arrival
74.3. Principal Marriage
74.4. The Fight
74.5. Lola Breaks Down
75. Should Auld Acquaintance
75.1. Senior Prom
75.2. Prom Banquet
75.3. Say Good-Bye to it all!
76. Break In Seattle
76.1. Tears In My Eyes
76.2. Nevel's Visit
76.3. The Queen Of Witches
77. Première Party
78. A New Life?
78.1. Start Of College
78.2. Student Teaching
78.3. At The School Of Rocque
79. Spaghetti Tacos
79.1. iCarly
79.2. Gustavo gives up.
79.3. Richard Flame
80. Squirt Guns
80.1. First Day At Hollywood Art
80.2. The Battle
81. The Prince Of Spain
81.1. Royalty Ahead
81.2. DNA Test
81.3. Surprise!
82. Telekinesis
82.1. Mindy's Thoughts
82.2. Malika intervenes.
82.3. Shock For Freddie
83. The Wedding
84. The Princess Of Carabas
84.1. Sam's Intervention
84.2. The J-Mate
84.3. The Adventuires Of A Stray Prince
84.4. The DNA
84.5. Confirmation
85. A Crush For Logan
85.1. Lulu And Mikey
85.2. New iCarly Cast
85.3. Beck Oliver
85.4. Phoebe Nachee
86. Make it shine!
86.1. iCarly Goes Down
86.2. Voice Booster
86.3. Too Much
86.4. Tori's Chance
86.5. Cactus Manipulation
86.6. Family Honours
87. Saving Logan Mitchell
87.1. Talking To Phoebe
87.2. Royce Bingham
87.3. Phoebe gives in.
88. Bigfoot Mania
88.1. Ms. Bradford
88.2. Sidney van Gurbin
88.3. Maris Bingham
88.4. The Sibling Schools
88.5. The Charlatan
89. Blond Poison
89.1. Eastridge goes coeducative.
89.2. Genetic Test
89.3. Fredward's Birth
89.4. Sunset Studio
89.5. Cal's Next Visit
90. Sabotage
90.1. The Power Transformer
90.2. Heat Wave
91. Quinnteligence
91.1. Scattering
91.2. End Of The Summer
91.3. Restart Of iCarly
92. Space Scam
92.1. Mr. Blanton
92.2. Cal's Reply
92.3. The Fraud
92.4. The Cheated
92.5. Consternation
93. The Blowing
93.1. Short Movies
93.2. Meteorology
93.3. The Cast Of Kelly Cooper
93.4. Guadalapecho
94. Penny Tees
94.1. Socko, Tyler, and Penny
94.2. Sofia Michelle
95. Fan Wars
95.1. The Webicon
95.2. The Mad Decision
95.3. Stume Fest
95.4. Creddie Freaks
96. Wishing Well
96.1. Jade West's Play
96.2. News From Sweden
96.3. Deadly Tears
96.4. An Offer For Jade
97. Snow Storm
97.1. Christmas Time
97.2. Christmas In Minnesota
97.3. Weather Forecast
97.4. Blizzard In The Middle West
98. Winner
98.1. Year Turn
98.2. The Decision
98.3. Mindy's Reaction
98.4. Jade goes to Sweden
98.5. Cal's Question
99. The Return Of Nikola Tesla
99.1. Trip To Stockholm
99.2. Snow
99.3. The Award
99.4. Jade In Sweden
99.5. Return To California
100. Finale
100.1. Continued Research
100.2. Faithful And True



Primary Fandoms. Zoey 101

Secondary Fandoms. iCarly, Victorious, Drake & Josh, Unfabulous, Ned's Declassified SSG, True Jackson VP, Big Time Rush,

Peripheral Fandoms. Just Jordan, Best Player, Spectacular!, Fairly Odd Movie, Shredderman Rules,The Troop


Science Fiction, Fluff, Family, Friends, Supernatural, Adventure


The story is centered around an age-gap ship.


The story follows science geek girl Quinn Pensky from middle school at Pacific Coast Academy to her first Nobel Prize in physics.

Her masterpiece is a cosmic power transformer.

But some of her inventions have got certain side effects.

Will the consequences be disastrous?

May Quinn avoid the pitfalls of mindless socialisation and seduction by false boys?

Her greatest promoter appears to be some hitherto anonymous graduate from California Institute for Technology.

What will he be like?

Finally, according to some rumours spread by some teenagers, Quinn is the reincarnation of Nikola Tesla, one of the greatest and most misunderstood engineers and scientists of America's past.

Are those rumours justified?

Characters and Pairings

The story features big variety of people from the above shows and movies is involved, especially almost everyone from Zoey 101.

Quinn Pensky – Cal[[1]], Zoey Brooks – Olivary Biallo[[2]] , Lola Martinez – Spencer Carter[[3]] , Chase Matthews – Addie Singer[[4]] , Michael Barret – Wendy Gellar[[5]] , Logan Reese – Mercedes Griffin [[6]], Stacey Dillsen[[7]] – Eric Blonowitz[[8]] , Dustin Brooks – Carly Shay, Mark Del Figgalo – Brooke Margolin[[9]] , Vince Blake – "Makeout" Mandy Franklin[[10]] , Wayne "Firewire" Gilbert – Mindy Crenshaw, et cetera

and many many many more


The story starts with the canonical beginning of Zoey 101, Unfabulous, ad Ned's Declassified SSG.

Drake & Josh is in its second season.

Anything else is still pre-canon.


This story is for Livejournal community Rare Pairs 100, claim Quinn Pensky/Cal, one prompt per section.

This story is for Livejournal community Philosophy 20, claim Nevel Papperman, prompt Theory.

This story is for Livejournal community Crossovers 50, claim PCA, prompt Cold.

Chapter 1. Pilot

1.1. Quinn Pensky


My name is Quinndelyn Pensky.

But you may call me "Quinn".

I had been born in the noble outskirts of Seattle, the biggest town, yet not capital, of the state of Washington. I'm tired of people thinking Washinton DC being located in the state of Washington. I can be very picky with scientific detail, and I hate scientific mistakes.

My love for science had started out at the age of seven.[[11]].

Before that, I had participated in various beauty pageants.

My talent was rhythmical gymnastics.

But I had always lost out to a younger girl named Leann Carter[[12]]

This had been no fun any longer, at all.

Things had changed, as aforementioned, at the age of seven.

For the first time after several decades, a middle school boy from the state of Washington had won the national science fair.

This had been quite some event.

That tween boy had been invited to give a demo of his invention at several schools throughout the state.

I had been a first year elementary school kid at some district school in uptown Seattle, attending the demonstration.

Hitherto unknown boy talked about some Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla as his great examples to live up to. He demonstrated a strange engine turning gravity into light.

I had been fascinated by this. Unlike each and every other onlooker, I had been understanding approximately most of his talk. I had decided immediately to become even greater than the genius guy, and greater than his idols. viz. Einstein and Tesla, hitherto unbeknownst to me.

The tween guy had announced to go to California for high school. He wanted to make it later on to California Institute For Technology, commomly curtailed as Caltech.

I had not come to know the geek boy's name. But I had started there and then to name him "Cal", due to his goal of making it to aforementioned university.

Needless to day, California Institute Of Technology was now part of my plans, too.

"Cal" had given me a hand-signed copy of the records of his experiments.

This had turned into my facvourite thing to read, next to everything written by aforementioned Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla.

I had also started performing my own experiments.

One of my goals had been that of making some of the inventions planned but not yet completely implemented by those master geeks of the past.

Of course, many kids had called me a spaz ever since.

But they were probably just reckless perverts.

1.2. Pacific Coast Academy

For years, I had been begging my parents to send me to a boarding school in California, not far from aforementioned California Institute For Technology.

For years, they had been laughing about that.

I had been much too young for a boarding school, especially a Californian academy.

My mom was such a dumb wench.[[13]]

Those accepting girls from afar were not really suited for future scientists, anyways.

But, after six years, my luck was changing.

A boarding school known as Pacific Coast Academy announced to open its gates for girls as well as boys, for the first time in its history. It was a totally renowned prep school.

Many politicians, advocates, business managers, actors, and athletes were among its alumi, even up here in Seattle.

For example, one of my uncles, a lawyer[[14]], had been working as the assistant of renowned Pacific Coast Academy-alumnus Shay[[15]], former canditate for the position of a senator for the state of Washington, for several years.

Mom told me, "maybe you will finally learn there to avoid blowing up basketballs[[16]] with Trinidad."

I needed to correct her, "the explosive is called 'trinitrotoluene'."

Mom looked dumbfounded.

Could you believ such an excessive stupidity?

Dad also added, "and they will teach you to be more careful with cars. Don't melt mine again![[17]]"

I sighed deeply. "OK, I've committed a few mistakes. But on the long run, my experiments, theories, and inventions will be for the better of mankind. Honestly!"

My parents moaned, "yeah, provided you don't get thos planet and mankind burst into smithereens until then."

I complained, "hey! What do you try to say with that?"

Anyways, the decision was clear.

Pacific Coast Academy all the way!

That was definitely the best way to get rid of my exorbitantly dumbassed mother.

I had not heard too much from "Cal" all the years inbetween.

But there was his scientific blog on the interweb.

He had graduated from high school and started studying at Caltech, just as announced at our first encounter.

Even more, the site offered many tools and reagents for purchase, just useful for my research and my inventions.

"Cal" had thus found a new best customer.

I grinned with increasing glee.

Of course, there were also some sacrifices connected to such a step.

There was only room left for a limited part of my possessions at Pacific Coast Academy.

In particular, pets were prohibited.

Granted, it was possible to hide smaller beasts, such as spider Herman[[18]] and some rat[[19]] , from the eyes of the staff.

But my biggest pride was Otis[[20]] , an alpaca. It was hardly to ignore in the middle of a room.

I was forced to leave it behind in the care of my parents and Dr. Lang[[21]] , a renowned veterinary med from my neighbourhood.

This made me a bit sad.

But it had to be.

Thus the last preparations had been made.

My adventures in California could begin.

Chapter 2. The PCA

2.1. California, here I come!

My uncle, aforementioned lawyer, had accompanied me on my way down to California.

Our plane had come down from the azure sky right in time for the next bus from LA National Airport to Malibu.

This had been my first trip in a plane.

There had been no visible troubles.

But I had wondered about technical aspects of the plane. I was ready to intervene in the case of an engine failure.

Just three years ago, a book about aircraft engineering had made it onto my desk.

Now I was able to repair a real plane.

But, as aforementioned, this would have happened just in the case of emergency …

I truly wished for such an incident.

My uncle's brain was still numb from my talk about jet foils and propulsion.

He was glad about being finally back on the ground.

So, this was Los Angeles, the narrow city.

Of course, most people see Los Angeles just as an extension of Hollywood, the world's centre of modern entertainment.

Granted, the movie industry was also involving a lot of technology.

But this was only a minor branch of my interests.

However, I had recently helped a remote relative of mine, one Fredward Benson from downtown Los Angeles, to accumulate a host of media technological equipment.

Freddie was really good at dealing with web cams, sound mixers, and movie shops. He was probably going to be a technical director for some great broadcasting corporation.

But this was not really important for me.

I would have been happy for him, anyways.

But now we had to move on to the Pacific coast.

The bus station looked very big.

But we did not get lost.

We had got some troubles with my luggage.

My portable laboratory required more space than allowed, so we had to pay extra fees.

I sighed deeply.

And this was only part of my equipment.

The rest was going to be delivered via Fedex during the upcoming weeks.

The portable laboratory just contained the absolutely necessary minimum of devices.

The bus started.

On to Malibu!

2.2. On the campus

The vehicle halted on the parking site.

Some campus workers changed the text on the labels.

It musthave read Pacific Coast Academy For Boys.

The janitors just added, and Girls.

I giggled.

Most of the passengers of the extra bus were students of Pacific Coast Academy and their accompanying responsible adults.

I could not wait a minute jumping out of the vehicle and getting to my portable laboratoy, still stuck in the belly of the pullman bus.

Alas, there was something more to do.

I bent down and grabbed some of the soil. I needed to analyse it as soon as possible in my laboratory.

Others kissed the ground of their new home.

I analysed it.

So what?

With my luggage in my hands, I started circumspecting the campus.

It was now even more giant than on the pictures visible via interweb.

There were pools, and sport fields, and a library, and a cinema, and so on.

I hoped the library to be good.

The trash library at my old school did not even have the collected works of Albert Einstein in their original edition.

That was inacceptable.

There was a Japanese restaurant named Sushi Rox.

I had never heard before about any other boarding school hosting such a pub.

Of course, moving around with such a lot of luggage was tedious, inspite of my uncle's help.

I looked at my cheat sheet.

My dormitory block was known as "Butler Hall".

Of course, there were many dormitory rooms in the building.

Mine had a number, "103".

But how to find "Butler"?

There was a map mounted on a pole.

A boy with bushy hair raced his bike past us. He was careless enough to almost hit my luggage.

I was angry. "Can't you keep your eyes open? Wait, maybe you need spectacles. Do you know the laws of refraction and dispersion of light? Hah! I do!"

But this was pointless.

The guy kept on riding like an idiot. He was sure soon going to run into something hard. He would have had it coming, really!

I had finally studied the map. Using a compass and a sextant, I found the correct way.

But the building was two yards off the position indicated by the map.

Which idiot had been responsible for making that inexact map?

I was so going to tell him my opinion.

But we were now at the entrance. And we better moved in.

2.3. Butler Hall

So, this was "Butler", my residence for the next months?

It looked larger from the inside than from the outside.

Tpday, the foyer was chock full.

This was of course caused by the amount of visitors.

I stumbled into a messy, obese wench around thirty.

She squealed, "have you got somne ravioli for me? I need ravioli!"

I shuddered.

My uncle asked, "mam? Who are you?" He introduced himself.

The wench replied, "Coco Wexler. I'm the responsible adviser for the girls' dorms."

I asked, "so, where may I find this room?"

Coco grunted, "how am I supposed to know that I'm new at this job. And I need my can of ravioli. I won't talk with empty stomach." Of course she was new here.

The school had been hitherto boys-only.

There had been no girls' dorms, and thence no adviser for those.

Coco belched like a pig.

The toilets still contained thos piss sinks for boys,

We girls don't use them, at least not the same way.

I pondered about a way to make them of any use. But now I wanted to make it to my room.

2.4. Room 103

And this was my room.

At least the walls were painted in pink.

This was unusual for boys' hideouts.

Thus the rooms must have been painted recently.

I laid down my heavy luggage.

My uncle also took care of some of it.

The room contained three beds.

This was the standard here at Pacific Coast Academy.

But there were no other girls here besides myself.

That was strange.

But it left me with more room for my equipment.

I grinned gleefully.

My uncle was helping me with my belongings.

There were many noises from the neighbour rooms.

It was the first year of girls in here.

Thus the students here in this hall were all new and had to struggle for orientation.

This did not make the situation easier for any of us.

One girl, some annoying bimbo wench, screamed in agony, somewhere across the corridor.

I hoped to be able to avoid her.

Now a rude tomboy walked in. "OK, 101."

I had to correct here. "Sorry, but this is '103', and not '101'."

The bully Latina with caramel hair gazed at me in a penetrant manner. "Shut up!" Then she walked out again, looking for her own room.

Now I wanted to test the wireless internet access. I unzipped my laptop and plugged it in. During the last weeks, I had not been avble to order new supplies for my laboratory. But now I clicked on "Cal"'s blog, informing him immediately about my successful relocation.

There were many interesting ingredeients available.

I smiled with glee.

This worked perfectly.

I started ordering a few things and hoped them to arrive within a few hours, right in time for opening my freshly reopened laboratory.

Now it was time to go to the cafeteria with my uncle.

He needed to leavve me alone right after the repasts.

I would still have enough time left to explore the campus and the halls after that.

Chapter 3. Quinnventions

My name is Quinn, and I invent things.

Combining these words results in Quinnventions.

And that's my word for my inventions.

So, what are my inventions like?

As aforementioned, they fall into a huge variety of categories.

Some of them have been deemed more useful for my pals than others.

Unfortunately, the duller of my fellow students at Pacific Coast Academy have got great problems with my interesting theories. They dare to call me "quinnsane".

Or should I say "quinnteresting" theories?

Only "Cal" backed me up during my first months at Pacific Coast Academy.

I did not have any roomies due to some glitch.

But those girls in "101", viz. Zoey Brooks, Dana Cruz, and Nicole Bristow, tried to get somewhat acquainted with me.

Zoey Brooks looked like a living barbie doll. She was one blond Mary-Sue. She tried to be the mom of the dormitory hall. And she had got a younger brother to care for in an exorbitantly protective manner.

Nicole Bristow was aforementioned bimbo wench. She was particularly obsessed with her hair style.

Dana Cruz was that bully and abusive tomboy mentioned before.

Nicole and Dana were permanently at each other's troat.

Usually, Dana left her things lying around all over their floor.

And Nicole fanned her hair all the time, disturbing Dana with all the horrible noise.

Zoey was disgusted by their incessant troubles. She decided to move into my dormitory room, for the time being.

Als, some of my experiments seemed to be too much for Zoey to bear.

I did not understand why. For example, I was up to inventing a sensor able to monitor the dreams of other people and make a DVD off them.

That was just one of many a great idea.

During Zoey's first nightin my room, she had just fallen fast asleep.

I snuck up to her and fixed a few electrodes at various spots on her head.

There weren't many of them, honestly, maybe some dozens of them.

But Zoey woke up in the middle of a dream and took it very ill.

What an ignorant!

Couldn't Zoey Brooks see the supreme relevance of my research? But she just screamed angrily, like an idiot.

Zoey and her friends appeared also injustly disgusted by my theory about the emotions of foods.

This was also valid for her male friends, Michael Barret, Logan Reese, and Chase Matthews.

Well, Logan Reese was not really a friend. He was just a jerk, a spoiled sun of Hollywood emperor Malcolm Reese. He annoyed us girls wherever possible.

Bear with it!

Chase was a dork with some shrubbery growing on his head.

This was due to both genetic conditions and careless hair styling practices.

I had analysed his hair, and especially the scales of the skin beneath the bush, in ordee to come to a conclusion.

It had to do with strangely obstructed blood circulation, and with scientific talk

Maybe I should have developed some shampoo against his shrubbery.

But he appeared to be proud of the bush.

Michael seemed to have a totally loose mind. He couldn't concentrate on anything.

So, these are my girls next door and the boys hanging out with us.

But should this really be the people for me to hang out with for the next five years of my life?

The thought scared me.

But maybe I better called it a sociological experiment. I had never ventured in this science.

Maybe it was even some fun?

I had to await the first intermediate results.

My "sociological experiment" with Zoey, to say the least, did not end up in a satisfactory manner.

Zoey was horribly dismayed by my invention of a blue liquid dissolving animal proteins. She refused to acknowledge the greatness of some of my other achievements. She couldn't even stang my morning gymnastics at the oipen window, necessary for making my brain vibrate and take up its daily activity. She was thus a really ungrateful room pal.

Accordingly, I was sorry to have to tell her to leave my dorm and to return to her bickering room mates, Dana Cruz and Nicole Bristow.

That was by no means easy for me.

Since nursery school, none of my age mates had ever even tried to tried to stay with me for a night, let alone more, without going totally insane.

But it was time to say good-bye to her.

So, there I was on my own again.

Of course, this was an advantage, too.

Noone was now going to intervene and mess with my phgone calls with "Cal".

So, how was I supposed to continued my experiments in the field of human psychophysiology, such as the dream monitor?

Granted, my fellow pupils of the same age appeared to be opposed to volunteering.

But there was also Dustion, Brooks, the little brother of Zoey by four years.

He had watched me, Zoey, Nicole, and Dana during a basketball match against the boys' team.

I was so "suckish".

But suckish isn't even a word, is it?

Nicole sucked as well.

Only Zoey and Dana had been able to compete with the boys' team. They even almost won the match.

I didn't really care.

Dustin was exorbitantly smart and curious. And he was chronically out of money due to his untamable addiction to candies, especially gummi worms.

So I just had to pay him a few bucks for being my test object.

This way, the hypnograph, i.e. the apparatus monotoring people's sleep and record the dreams, would be developed really fast. And I had to get it patented, produced, and marketed as soon as possible. The revenues were needed in order to buy more opponents from "Cal", such as pulverised uranium.

Another "Quinnvention" would pay off pretty fast:

I had invented a silent leaf blower.

It worked like a fan, but it did not cause too much audible noise.

Nicole used this machine now as a fan, and she did not wake Dana's sleep.

This allowed for my neighbour girls to live subsequentially in more and more peace.

Otherwise, I could have gone insane as well.

OK, this was enough about my inventions, alias "Quinnventions", for the time being.

These were the first of their kind made by me at Pacific Coast Academy.

But "quinnsanely" many "quinnteresting" inventions were going to follow, and this was particularly down to the support from "Cal".

Just wait and see!

Chapter 4. My Schedule

Of course, like each and every school, students at Pacific Coast Academy were bound to their time-table.

So I had to organise my daily life around mine.

The schedule of us boarding students included, of course, more than just classes and the recesses inbetween, especially lunch break.

Unlike most other students, I was very keen on precise data.

Irregular activities and disturbances of the schedules annoyed the living hell out of me.

Back at Seattle, I had always been on the honour roll for perfect presence records.

Being keen on my exact schedules had been a lot of a problem for my temporary roomie Zoey.

But, OK, let's start in the morning.

The dormitory halls were locked until 6 dot 30 ante meridiem.

Usually, I woke up slightly before six o'clock. I had to do my morning gymnastics.

My preferred exercise was rope jumping. It made my brain vibrate with a softly humming tune.

I liked that.

My window had to be open for that.

Unfortunately, this had also annoyed Zoey Brooks to no end during her short period of sharing the dorm with me.

Little wonder she was such a dumb blonde.

Dana Cruz was even worse. She had got the worst presence records, barring those of Logan Reese, of course.

The cafeteria was open from six dot thirty until eight o'clock sharp.

Sometimes I skipped breakfast there and had my own. During my first weeks, I kept a hen for fresh breakfast eggs, but I gave up on that pretty soon. Later on, I would try to cultivate my own bees for fresh honey.

For most of us pupils, classes started at eight o'clock plus a few minutes, or, as I called it, "cum tempore".

This was the so-called academic quarter.

Teachers were often sloppy about times.

I hated sloppiness rigorously at any cost.

Being sloppy was the worst enemy to being a brilliant scientist..

There were a few recesses require by the size of the campus.

Sometimes, we needed to walk across the campus between two periods.

Bikes and scooters were commonly used in oprder to facilitate this inconvenience.

Our big recess was at ten dot thirty ante meridiem, and it lasted for thirty minutes sharp.

Our lunch break started one o'clock post meridiem and lasted for one hour.

Afternoon classes were not regularly divided into periods. They were often announced only a few days before.

This had to do with certain "extracurricular" activities, such as athletic events and clubs.

Of course, I hated these irregularities worse than pestillence and famine.

I would have loved to demonstrate my supreme knowledge and skills in the club for science and technology. Alas, I had not been admitted to it.

But this is really a topic for later reports.

There were a few smart guys at this school, too.

One of them was Miles Brody[[22]], but he was even more of a recluse hiding all the day in the library, and he was almost exclusively a man of the theory.

The cafeteria was open for dinner from five o'clock post meridiem until eight o'clock.

Alternatively, we could go to one of the online bars, such as Sushi Rox. They offered takeout food and delivery services.

The nocturnal curfew for us students depended on our classes.

Juniors and seniors could stay up until eleven o'clock post meridiem.

We middle school kids had to be back in our dormitory rooms at 9 dot thirty post meridiem.

But one curfew was the same for all classes:

Boys were excluded form girls' dormitory rooms, and vice versa, from eight o'clock post meridiem through eight o'clock ante meridiem.

This was sometimes annoying.

Our dormitory advisers were ordered by Dean Carl Rivers to take care of the strict application of curfews.

But at least Coco Wexler, responsible for the girls of moiddle school and high school, was very messy, as was to be inspected. Occasionally, she pretended to be strict. But most of the time, she neglected her duties totally. She didn't check for boys under the girls' beds and similar easy hideouts. And she was easily distracted by offered cans of ravioli.

This allowed Dustin Brooks to stay almost until midnight in his elder sister's dorm. The little boy was sometimes too much afraid without her.

Barring the last rule, weekends were subject to a different schedules.

But not all weekends were equal.

Some of them were more open then others, allowing us to go shopping off the campus or even to stay over night with friends from downtown Los Angeles, given a permission from our parents.

This was also my time window for visiting scientific libraries in Los Angeles, such as that of Californian Institue for Technology, and to purchase the necessary supplies for my experiments.

Needless to say, "Cal was a big help."

His hints were worth more than gold and diamonds.

Unfortunately, there was hardly any opportunity left for meeting him and his all-time busy pals.

So, when was I able to perform all my experiments and to test my theories?

Being alone in my dormitory room often allowed me to stay up very long and work on this and that.

Of course, the curfews prescribed the lights to be ought for quite a few hours.

But I was able to circumvent this stupid rule by applying devices providing infrared vision.

Once more, "Cal" had provided me with the necessary ingredients for patching those devices together.

Not all experiments could be performed under these circumstances.

Some of them were very sensitive to infrared light.

But there were many theories to work on.

Evaluating statistics and blogging the results of my research could be done even under those restricting circumstances.

My science blog was very detailed.

"Cal" and his upstream contacts provided links for it from various web sites regularly visited by many more or less renowned engineers and scientists.

Those contacts could have been very important for my later career.

So, this was the frame of my daily life and work at Pacific Coast Academy.

Chapter 5. My Motivation

5.1. Science Club

As aforementioned, the Pacific Coast Academy had got a science club on its own. And it used to participate in science fairs.

The prizes to win in those contests were apparently a great motivation for most participants.

Well, I could have done much better than just that. But I still wanted to show the other kids the greatness of my inventions and of my research. Thus I had also signed up for participating in the science club.

At least there was some hope for meeting a few kids coming somehow somewhere close to my exorbitant genius.

Brainless monstwers like Zoey Brooks, Nicole Bristow, Dana Cruz, Chase bartholomew Matthews, and Logan Reese were so totally not in that category.

Dana and Logan were even dumber than trolls.

Even Zoey Brooks was unable to understand the difference between spiders and insects.

But what was the answer from the captain of our science club? "Girls mustn't participate in the science club. Female scientists are just spazzes." The reply was signed by one Wayne Gilbert alias "Firewire".

"Fireweirdo" would have been much more like it, really.

Had they never heard of geniuses like Marie Curie?

Maria Salomea Skłodowska — commonly known as "Marie Curie" — had been the first person to win the Novbel Prizes both for physics and for chemistry.

And my aims were even higher.

I also wanted to win the Nobel Prize for biology. But I had to start somewhere.

Mrs. Curie's birth name reveiled her as a Polish woman.

I had got some ancestors from that region, i.e. central to eastern Europe, too.

But my researches about my ancestry had not yet been complete.

Marie Curie had successfully researched radioactivity.

This was a minor part of my research as well.

Down to "Cal", I was able to purchased pulverised uranium and plutonium.

But Marie Curie had done more. She had pioneered in that field and coined its base terminology.

Needless to say, I was looking for my own field to pioneer in.

It was possible for many people to understand the results of Einstein, or Curie, or Bohr, or Darwin.

But this did not make them a new Einstein, Curie, Bohr, or Darwin.

One day, there should be a fild of science known for my pioneering research in it.

With Wayne Gilbert too stupid and prejudiced to see that, I needed to go my own path.

Wayne and his foul pals Neil and Andrew would sooner or later rue bitterly their obnoxious stubbornness.

Until then, I would participate in the science fairs on my own account.

This was discouraged, but not impossible.

Miles Brody had never needed the approval of any club in order to grow up as the king of nerds.

I just had to show them where the greenest grass grows.

The competition in California was infinitely much greater than in Washington.

I had already heard of great teanage scientists like Melinda Crenshaw from San Diego and Simon Nelson Cooke from Santa Clarita.

Putting up with then would be a hell of a challenge.

5.2. Social Life


Thus the prospects appeared totally bleak.

Still I had to get along with the kids out there.

And this implied a certain necessity of hanging out even with overprotective Mary Sue Zoey Brooks, with bubbly bimbo wench Nicole Bristow, with ruuthless bully Dana Cruz, with bohemian Chase Bartholomew Matthews, with playboy Logan Reese, and with plain worthless Michael Barret during the following years.

I had to get along with them.

The kids back at my old school had been even a whole lot worse.

This was hard to believe, but it was true.

But it was necessary to stay mentally reserved and separated from the bunch.

One day, they would all crawl in the dust beneath my feet.

Until then, I better pretended to be their friend as much as possible.

It was just necessary not to identify too much with them.

This would have been the end of my young career.

A true scientist mneeded to be a loner and a wallflower.

Social butterflies were a disgrace for human intelligence.

Ultimately, "Cal" seemed to be the only person able to understand me.

5.3. Junior Medic

Our school had got an infirmary, but it was deprived of a proper medic.

There was only some rude and diusgusting nurse.

Medicine was an always important application of science.

The lack of a proper school medic offered me the unique chance of becoming some wsort of a substitute and allow me to demonstrate my outright supreme intellectual prowess on my sick and injured fellow pupils.

Of course I had not yet graduated from law school. But I had received an offer from one Dr. Hollywood[[23]] .

"Cal" had informed my about the doc. He regularly sold him handmade surgical power instruments, such as lasers and all sorts of scanners.

That was hardly his real name.

But that could not bother me, just like in the case of "Cal".

Doc Hollywood practised at nearby Palmwood school.

Palmwood was a hotel for young Hollywood professionals.

Its own school was reserved for members of the regional trades union for professional performance arts.

My cousin Camille would later on come to live and study at that hotel and its school.

The association of that hotel with Hollywood's business was probably the reason for his name.

So, Doc Hollywood requested — from the county board for medical approbations — a license for me as his deputy, or one of his deputies.

Now I was looking totally forward to removing troublesome inner ogans and perform complicated laser surgeries.

All of a sudden, my fellow pupils looked all sick and in need of some thorough medical treatment.

They did not yet seem to trust me all that much. But sooner or later, they would be forced to thank me for saving their life and their health with my exorbitantly superior intelligence.

Life in California appeared suddenly to offer so much fun.

I could not wait starting with that business.

Chapter 6. Wireless

6.1. Confess Or Stress

We girls liked to gather in our lounge after classes.

I was usually above that, but sometimes I joined the others.

This time, they had started playing Confess Or Stress.

We girls were to cast dice.

An odd outcome forced you to confess some embarrassing fact about ourselves.

An even outcome forced us to accomplish an unpleasant task chosen by the others.

Unfortunately, getting bit by a snake did not count.

I hosted a snake named Marvin[[24]] in my dormitory room.

But that was a secret not yet told to the others.

It wasn't embarrassing, just illegal.

Nicole, for example, confessed making a list of boys with the cutest lips.

I fessed up to eating canned baby meals.

Those contain many essential minerals and vitamins. They are really not bad for teenagers.

But nobody wanted to listen to me.

Zoey had to pull a phone prank on one of our teachers, a certain Mr. Callaghan[[25]]

A few minutes ago, Logan had brought us a giant carebear in order to make up for having been rude to us girls.

We accepted the excuse.

But that was probably a mistake.

Logan was delivering sushi for Kazu, the owner of local Japanese café "Sushi Rox".

This was a bit strange.

Logan hated work and was certainly not in need of earning his money. He simply used his dad's golden credit card.

6.2. Leaking Informations

The next day, we said on the campus.

Suddenly, some of the boys made stupid remarks about uus girls.

Strangely, some of those were closely related to the secrets from last evening's game of Confess or Stress.

That was particularly strange.

There had been no boys in the lounge at those moments.

In addition, we girls had sworn unto each other to keep everything mentioned within the game as a girly secret, not to be mentioned to any boy whatsoever.

That was really strange.

Maybe one of the girls had broken the promises?

I panted.

Was the lounge really soundproof?

I had to check that.

Using my laptop and a microphone, tests were made checking the accoustic permeability of the walls of the lounge of the girls' dormitory block.

I also had to take the expected amount of noise into account.

There was both noise within the lounge, damped by the wall as much as the information, and noise from the outer campus, slightly reflected by the dormitory walls.

The model was very complex.

I tested various spots outside "Butler Hall".

Finally, I obtained a result.

The probability of a boy standing outside the lounge and understanding a complete phrase with subject, predicate, and object was lower than small number in scientific notation.

Even pressing an ear against the wall did not increase this probability to some serious amount.

Ergo, those fairly trivial means of spying had to be ruled out.

6.3. Things get worse

The next day, we girls started accusing each other.

More and more secrets from our lounge were known to boys, especially Logan and his friends.

Oh! Logan himself appeared to be sick. He had to stay in his own dormitory room.

This served the filthy creep very well!

Thus he was not able to bother us girls.

Thus my search had to go on.

Now I had been looking for wires all over the lounge.

There must have been an information leak.

But there it was:

We were no longer stuck in the age of wires.

Information could be aired across the campus with ease.

Cal had done quite a bit of research on this.

Of course, someone like Logan would have been too dumb for doing so.

But he may have had the guts for hiring someone in order to establish a wireless connection between the girls' lounge and any spot on the campus. He certainly had got the bucks for doing so.

But there was one boy on the campus able to run espionage systems with ease. And this one guy was nobody other than aforementioned dweeb and freak Wayne "Firewire" Gilbert!

Already the nick suggested this possibility.

There was now some trouble ahead.

6.4. Good Cop — Bad Cop

I stormed Wayne Gilbert's dorm, accompanied by Dana.

She was going to act as a "bad cop".

Wayne was consternated upon our entry. But he kept on cackling in the usual manner.

I asked about the spying attack, without any avail. Then I spotted some figures of cartoon heroes like Spiderman[[26]] and Batman[[27]].

Wayne Gilbert appeared to collect them.

I looked at Dana.

She nodded and started grabbing some of the figures and tearing them asunder.

Wayne screamed like an idiot. Finally, he gave up. "Logan has paid me 200 bucks in order to hide a microchip in some giant plush animal and connect it via fire wire to his laptop."

Dana grabbed Wayne and flang him against the wall.

Then we walked away again in order to check the story.

The carebear came immediately to my mind.

It reminded me to the story of the trojan horse, as told in the old epics by Homer, the old Greek poet.

Logan probably only knew Homer Simpson[[28]] .

Thus someone else must have had the idea with the treacherous gift.

But I was too tired to go into those details.

6.5. Revenge

The girls were shocked by the news.

I counterchecked Wayne's words by scanning the plush care bear with a detector bought from Cal and mounted together following his detailled instructions.

Everything had been correct.

Zoey wanted to pay Logan back with his own weapons by fooling him with an acted scene.

But Wayne "Firewire" Gilbert had probably warned him already.

I wanted to sneak in by night and remove Logan's kidney's surgically.

But Zoey did not approve of this.

Chase was particularly disappointed. "Since Logan's illness, I had to do all of the delivery runs for Kazu! And know what? Most of these deliveries are for … Logan Reese!"

He probably wasn't even sick.

But that was now subject to change.

Dana had bought some tabasco sauce from the cafeteria.

Zoey opened one of the sushi cases. "Logan will love his free sushi. The hottest tuna, ever!" She poured some extra hot tabasco sauce between the dead fish and the other disgusting stuff. "OK, Chase, take this to Logan!"

Ten minutes later, we would see Logan race across the campus, spewing flames. He jumped into the campus fountain in order to wash the fiery taste off his mouth. He was caught by Dean Rivers when bathing in the fountain. "Detention!"

We laughed our girly butts off.

Michael and Chase chuckled as well.

Zoey's idea would probably have been cooler.

But good old tabasco still worked its wonders.

Would Logan learn to not trust any random gift anymore?

We certainly did!

Chapter 7. Prank Week

7.1. Noises in the night

Early one morning, yet ere the rise of sun, I woke up in order to perform my usual morning gymnastics.

Thewre were some strange noises outside.

I took a vibratometer and checked the walls.

That apparatus was based on the works of Cal, but with my own extensions.

Something must have been happening to our walls.

Maybe Spiderman[[29]] was creeping up and down the walls?


I almost sounded like Wayne "Firewire" Gilbert.

This made me shudder for disgust.

7.2. Toilet Paper

Breakfast time was there.

I found Zoey, Dana, and Nicole sitting gathered at a table.

Zoey explained the situation. "The boys have perverted the walls of our dormitory hall!"

I took a look.

And indeed, toilet paper "adorned" the wall.

That must have been the noises in the night.

Michael and Chase, according to Zoey, had already fessed up to the foul and perverse deed.

But there was probably LOgan Reese behind that all.

Chase and Michael were nothing but henchmen and marionettes of the decadent playboy, paid for doing these disgusting jobs.

And there was the background for the deed.

Each year, there was a week of pranks at Pacific Coast Academy.

Established students made fun of newcomers.

And this year, we girls were targetted collectively. We were all new at Pacific Coast Academy.

But this decadent deed cried for revenge.

I suggested once more, "We may sneak into the boys dorm during their sleep and remove their kidneys surgically over night."

Last week, Dr. Hollywood had called me as his assistant for a complicated surgery.

Thus I was prepared in teh best possible manner.

Unfortunately, Zoey was not exactly keen on that.

Those girls were just plain boring.

But I had got another idea. "We may throw a bomb into their dormitory hall which sends accoustic signals neutralising the boys' brain functions!"

But even this did not satisfy the girls.

Those dumb beasts deemed it impossible.

In addition, Zoey wanted to negotiate first. She was afraid of a spiral of violence.

But I could not care any longer.

The boys had to pay deerly for their ruthless abominations.

And those dumb girls deserved a lesson as well.

7.3. The Sonic Bomb

7.3.1. An Idea

But I needed to build such a sonic bomb first.

My laboratory was now in some disorder.

I needed to order some new devices from Cal.

It was probably possible for me to build the bomb on my own.

But Cal's help could have sped up its development.

7.3.2. Converstaion With Cal

A few hours later, I reached Cal.

He appeared busy.

But there were a few minutes left for me.

I talked about the problem with the boys. "I thought about building a bomb neutralising their nervous functions for some time by means of selected accoustic signals."

Cal grinned. "OK, that sounds very reasonable. Indeed, I've worked on this topic for a few weeks. Dr. Hollywood uses the principle for the purpose of anesthesis."

I moaned for relief. "Cool!"

Cal mentioned all the things needed. "You should definitely check with Doc Hollywood. He has got all of these. You just need to rebuild them as a grenade."

That sounded totally cool.

7.3.3. Completed

Finally, Doc Hollywood gave me the requested devices.

Building a bomb of them was way less difficult than expected.

I hi-fived the renowned medic.

Not only would it knowck out the boys, it was even harmless for girls.

It could not get any better.

7.4. Passing Out

I was sittiing in my dormitory room.

The other girls had palanned something else. They were probably dumb enough to try to stain the boys' hall in a similar manner.

But those kinds of revenge never go well.

I had recently built a monocular with partial night vision.

The device would be extended to a Quinnocular[[30]] quite a few months later.

Using that monocular was still quite a bit clumsy.

But it served the purpose.

I looked at my watch, counting down "Five … four … three … two …".

There was no "one".

That would have been uncool.


All of a sudden, the boys' hall turned totally silent.

Th sonic bomb had done its job just nicely.

7.5. Bradford's[[31]] Statue

Next morning, the revenge of the other girls became evident.

They had misornated a monument standing in front of the boys' dormitory hall, painting it with women's makeup and crossdressing it.

It must have been a very important statue, probably of a founder or early sponsor of the school.

And, indeed, it belonged to old Mr. Bradford, the founder of Pacific Coast Academy.

But nobody kneew until a few hours later …

7.6. Supershock

Dean Rivers and Mr. Bradford Jr. walked across the campus. They would soon enough find the sculpture of the father of the visitor.

Needless to say, we girls would have been in horrible troubles.

I'm speaking suspension, expiulsion, deportation.

Mr. Bradford had been strictly opposed to coeducation for many a year.

Only Mr. Butler, an alumnus of the school and sponsor of "Butler Hall", had forced him to allow for girls.

Fortunately, I had still got one sonic bomb left.

And this was the right moment to use it.


Dean Rivers and Mr. Bradford passed out on site before seeing the misfigured monument.

But they would recover sooner or later.

Zoey was angry at me. She was such an ignorant wench.

Dana suggested, "let's put them into the car of Dea Rivers and drive them into the desert before they wake up."

Needless to say, Zoey did not approve exactly of this plan, either.

I had to think for a few minutes.

Nicole was terrible. She did not want to get deported to Siberia due to the lack of cute boys over there.

I decided to call Doc Hollywood.

Zoey threatened, "your Doc better do his job, or else …"

Dana was ordered by Zoey to drag the lifeless body of Dean Rivers into the boys' dormitory room. She moaned for reluctance. But finally, she did her job.

At the same time, Nicole and a few other girls were ordered to clean the statue.

7.7. Revival

Chase, Logan, and Michael were still unconscious.

Zoey started to worry about them. She became grumpy.

Dr. Hollywood examined the situation. "They are not permanently damaged. However, they will suffer from some temporary amnesia."

Zoey grinned.

This way, they would most likely forget the circumstances prior to their loss of consciousness.

Dana decided to stuff the five of them into a janitor's closet.

Doc Hollywood gave them some injections.

The syringe with the longest needle was destined for Logan's butt.

We girls chuckled mercilessly.

7.8. Waking Up

We girls were loitering outside the closet.

Finally, noises were heard from inside.

Mr. Bradford appeared consternated. "Where are we? How did we get hereto?"

Dean Rivers had not got any glue.

Chase, Michael, and Logan swore to be innocent.

They finally appeared to be able to open the closet.

We girls ran away.

And the guys kept on arguing insanely.

Maybe I should have used the sonic bomb more often?

Chapter 8. Quinn Pensky VP

8.1. Projects

Zoey Brooks, Dana Cruz, and Nicole Bristow were in Mr. Bender's classes for media management.

This was one of the consequences of the vicinity of Pacific Coast Academy to Hollywood, both geographicalluy and according to the composition of the sponsors' board.

The same was valid for Chase Matthews, Logan Reese, and Michael Barret.

This time, they had got some strange assignment.

OK, assignments here at Pacific Coast Academy were definitely different from those at vulgar schools.

We were closely oriented to the needs of our sponsors, most of them former graduates of Pacific Coast Academy, alias the alumni.

And one of them was a firm known as Qualitech.

Jack Savage[[32]] was an alumnus and a vice president of Qualitech. Likewise, he was a friend of Mr. Bender.

They had graduated together both from Pacific Coast Academy and college.

Qualitech was about producing a new scooter. They insisted in not caling it "scooter", but "Jet-X".

That's pretty crazy, ain't it?

In any case, the pupils had to make a commercial for the "Jet-X".

They were divided into teams of three.

To spice it up, the winning team was allowed to keep the scooters, pardon "Jet-X".

8.2. Team Zoey

Zoey Brooks, Nicole Bristow, and Dana Cruz were one team. They definitely needed the scooters. They used to be very late to their classes and on the brink of getting bad marks for that avail.

The scooters, oops, the "Jet-X" would have allowed them to be much faster across the campus.

Also, they needed to trump the arrogant boys' team consisting of Michael Barret, Chase Matthews, and Logan Reese.

Truth said, only Logan was arrogant. He sidelined his pals and borrowed material and staff from his father Malcolm. He could have bought ten scooters, but he insisted in winning the "Jet-X".

The production would only start months after.

Thus the models to be won in this project would be unique for quite some time.

The latter was the king of Hollywood, as already mentioned.

Logan could even hire Jeff Garrett[[33]], a Hollywood star around thirty-five.

Jeff had been, and probably still was, a heartthrob of the girls.

The girls were desperate. They had nothing like that to offer.

I was asked to help them with their production as a technical producer. I was the only one able to handle a cam. I was teaching a lot to aforementioned Fredward.

The latter would soon move to Seattle and wreak havoc, though.

Unfortunately, not all cams were alike.

The buttons here were a bit strange.

Dana was the director of the ad.

Nicole was the screenwright

Blond Mary Sue Zoey was the star, as usual. But she had also designed the outfits for the commercials. At least she had tried to.

Unfortunately, she would have needed some really busty models in order to make reasonable usage of her designs, and some good cloth shop and an army of textile creation slaves.

Alas, they could hardly agree on anything.

For Dana, the "Jet-X" meant speed and power, the ability to bully others and treat them like dirt.

For Nicole, the "Jet-X" meant the ability to appear cool, and thus to impress cute boys.

Zoey associated the scooters with independence.

Their project went thus awry.

The three of them decided to split up.

8.3. Triple Trouble

For me, this meant triple work.

I had to help Zoey with her commercial, then Nicole, and finally also Dana.

That was horrible.

Dana was abominably rude as usual.

Zoey wanted to tie helium balloons to her "Jet-X" in order to make it appear lighter.

I had calculated the critical amount.

But Zoey did not want to listen. She had added more and more of them.

As a consequence, the scooter started to take off and almost flew away, way up to the clouds.

The work was awkward and tedious, regardless for whom of us.

This made me really angry.

8.4. Tuning In

I had pondered for several minutes. I could certainly repair a "jet-X". But I could also tune and improve it.

Just the help of Cal was more or less indispensable.

I called him on site. I needed some pulverised plutonium for my plans, and a few strange devices.

Given enough powers, pigs were said to be able to fly.

But was this also valid for a "Jet-X"?

There could not have been a doubt about it.

8.5. The Winners

The girls' project appeared to have failed.

But the winner of the "Jet-X", regardless of his or her identity, would be up to some surprise.

I had been waiting outside Mr. Bender's classroom.

Finally, they were done.

Zoey Brooks had scraped everything together and been able to make an ass-kicking commercial, according to the judgment of Jake Savage.

That was surprising. Oh, maybe it was not really strange.

As a blond Mary Sue, Zoey could win everything, with or without skills, with or without any efforts.

Logan Reese, the dandy of the county, was of course disappointed.

Zoey, Nicole, and Dana were now making fun of him. They were up to annoying him to no end whenever passing by him on the back of their "Jet-X".

All the otrhers wanted to see Zoey and her roomies ride away with their "Jet-X".

Nicole wanted to be the first. She had spotted a few cute boys. She was sure to impress them with her skills. "Do I really need a helmet? The cute boys would not see my hair."

Mr. Bender insisted in Nicole wearing one.

The fun could begin.

Nicole wondered how to start the thing.

Zoey had to help her.

Dana yawwned. "Annoying bimbo wench!"

Logan chuckled noisily.

We could hear engines howling. We could smell the smoke pass by.

A few seconds later, the wheels started turning.

A few yards down the camous road, the "Jet-X" took off.

Nicole squealed like a fury.

I grinned.

The smoke and dust from the back of the engine blew straight into the consternated face of Logan Reese, making him look even more silly than usual, but still not as silly as appropriate.

Nicole had hit the extra boost button.

But now she dropped everything and returned safely to the ground. But she was still stripped of any control.

The machine was stiopped by a flag staff standing in her way, though.

Chase and Michael had to help her back onto her feet.

Nicole sighed. "Maybe a few cute boys have seen that. It would be cool!"

Mr. Savage wondered, "wow! The 'Jet-X' can fly!"

Zoey grinned triumphantly. "That's what I'd call freedomn and independence." Then she looked at me. "Quinn, have you manipulated the scooter?"

Mr. Savage insisted, "that's not a scooter, it's a 'Jet-X'!"

Zoey did not care. She glared sternly into my eyes.

I could not help admitting to that deed.

Mr. Savage wondered, "so, you are the responsible engineer?"

Zoey muttered, "rather irresponsible, that deed."

I stammered, "I guess so. I'm Quinn, and I invent things. Those are known as 'quinnventions'."

Zoye nodded. "Quinn does always do crazy things like that."

I poked the annoying Mary Sue.

Mr. Savage jumped up and down. "That's it! You have just invented the Sky Jet-X!"

I stammered, "I did?"

Mr. Savage panted heavily. "We from Qualitech need gifted engineers like you. Are you interested in working for us? Department for research and development, that is."

I choked. "Er, am I? Oh, sure, why not?"

Mr. Savage picked his cellular phone. He started calling his boss, or whomever, somewhere at the headquarters of Qualitech.

Minutes passed by.

Logan Reese made a few stupid remarks about nerds.

Dana was even worse.

Finally, Mr. Savage concluded, "what is your surname?"

I replied , "Pensky … it's origin is …"

Mr. Savage did not care. "Of course. We could already start printing your business cards. How about 'Quinn pensky V.P.'?"

Nicole squeaked. "We Pee? That isn't nice." She wrinkled her nose.

Zoey pinched Nicole. "V.P., that means 'Vice President'."

I gasped. "I'm the new V.P.?"

Savage nodded. "We will send you a contract next week as a part time contract. One huindred thousand bucks per year should be in it."

Of course I was up to that. I had to tell Cal. "I'm the new V.P!"

Chapter 9. Dramatic

9.1. School Plays

Luke many other schools, we had got a drama club gere ay Pacific Coast Academy

Due to the vicinity to Hollywood, the club was of some greater significance.

The adviser was former mediocre Hollywood actor Mr. Fletcher.

Our drama club could not compete with specialised schools, such as nearby "Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts" ir "Palmwoods", though.

But there had been quite a few fairly well known actors, playwrights, mask builders, costume designers, producers, directors, stage builders, and so on among our alumni.

In former times, there had been a problem with female rôles.

Sometimes boys had to transvestite, becoming the laughing stock of the school.

On rare occasions, girls from other schools were permitted to make up for the lack.

The standard solution had been that of restricting oneself to plays with an all male cast.

The introduction of coeducation at Pacific Coast Academy changed this, of course.

9.2. Alien Girl Zorka

This term's school play was written by Chase Bartholomew Matthews.

It was about an alien girl, Zorka from the planet of Zorkesia, stranded with her space ship on planet earth.

A bay watch would save her.

Then they would kiss, or something similarly disgusting.

Originally, I had not wanted to intervene.

But then I accidentally saw a picture of their space ship.

This would be part of the background decoration.

It was impossibble to cruise the outer space in such a stupid "flying saucer".

I simply had to say it.

"Cal" had already built parts of real space shuttles.

I had studied his works and learned a lot from them already.

Soon it would be possible for me to build my own space ships.

I didn't have any ambitions of crossing the outer space, though.

But it had to be said.

Mr. Fletcher looked totally dumbfounded. He was such a dumbass.

Chase had not got a trace of a clue, either.

Do you believe it:

For Chase and Mr. Fletcher, a light year was a measure for time.

It could not be any more embarrassing.

However, my apparent knowledge about technology got me the job of a technical producer for the play.

I sighed deeply.

The task involved illumination, sound check, the mechanics of the curtain, and so on.

OK, that was totally annoying.

And then … look at the title of the play!

What sort of a name is "Zorka"?

It was clear to me:

Chase Bartholomew Matthews must have this stupid crash on blond Mary Sue Zoey Brooks.

The play only served one purpose.

Chase wanted to abuse his job in order to make out with Zoey.

What a disgusting creep!

9.3. The Cast

Clearly, the rôle of Zorka was written for Zoey.

There was no doubt about her getting assigned.

This was expected due to the lack of really gifted actresses.

Zoey just had to be herself in order to be Zorka.

But who would be the bay watch?

Chase had stupidly assumed to be in this position. But he had been horribly mistaken. He had forgotten his lack of acting abilities.

And the bay watch was a hot and popular boy, totally unlike Chase.

In other words, the bushy dork could not be himself.

This made his attempot a complete failure.

Inspite of being the son of Hollywood's emperor Malcolm Reese, Logan had initially not been interested in the school play, deeming theatre uncool and unmanly.

But the assignment of Zoey Brooks had changed the mind of the horny dandy.

A few weeks ago, he had tried to kill Zoey on the basketball field. And now he wanted to make out with her, just in order to get her humiliated by this. He was so thoroughly disgusting.

And Zoey did not notice zilch. She must have got her mind inebriated.

Well, Logan tried out and convinced Mr. Fletcher completely. He was no decent actor, either. But he had to play himself, a popular hot boy hankering after girls.

So it was all logical.

9.4. Dustin's Cold

Dustin Brooks had been looking for his sister. He must have caught a little flu.

Unfortunately, Zoey was not there.

Her sisterly love would have cured him with ease.

But she had not got the time for it, for she had to practice sodomy and abomination with Logan Reese.

Instead, oonly Dana was around. And she hated younger kids to no end. She had always bullied Dustin subtly in his sister's absence and made fun of him.

I offered to cure Dustin, applying my knowledge as a deputy of Dr, Hollywood.

The litle bugger was tied to a bed.

Then I started sucking bacteria off his tongue with an improved vacuum cleaner. I also applied plasma flashed to his feet, tickling him mercilessly.

Unfortunately, the effect of this treatment was not immediately visible.

Thus impatient Dustin broke up before the impending main treatment with pulverised uranium from "Cal".

That was such a pity.

9.5. The Première

The stage hall was chock full.

Many students, teachers, and staff members expected the performance with increasing excitement.

It would feature the first kiss on the stage in the history of school plays at Pacific Coast Academy.

Mr. Fletcher had abused this shamelessly for the promotion of a mediocre play.

And the viewers fell for it like childs.

In any case, I was now readyfor my task. "Sound … check! Illumination … check!"

Oops, the echo was a bit weak.

People in the back of the audience would not have understood much of it.

I sighed for despair.

But it was not all that hard to fix.

And we made up eaily for that by rising the curtun thrice as fast as usual, due to one of my inventions.

Also, a fog thrower was deployed. It had to simulate the rolling mist enshrouding the space shuttle.

And the play could begin.

Sopounds of a crashing space ship were heard.

The fog withdrew.

The wreched shuttle was now visible, drifting in the ocean.

Zoey started to "swim".

Of course, the waves weren't real.

Just unlike the real Zoey, Zorka was not supposed to be a superb swimmer.

"Dauntless" Logan appeared and saved her.

Before spotting the alien girl, he had been flirting with other girls on the beach and talking to surfers.

Michael Barret and Nicole Bristow had been in the cast for that avail.

But from now on, everything concentrated on Zoey and Logan.

The main spot had to be directed at them.

Zoey explained her mission. She thanked Logan for his valiant deed and talked about her planet, Zorkesia.

The disgusting end was coming closer and closer.

I had to do something about it.

The sound mixer's dash board was in my hands.

That was my chance of intervening.

Logan flirted mercilessly with Zoey.

Right in time, I pushed a few buttons.

This combination was for producing a tooting sound.

Mr. Fletcher looked puzzled. "There was no fart in the script, wa sthere? Definitely not!"

Zoey gasped. She appeared thoroughly disappointed by Logan's demeanour.

Logan gasped. "What? That wasn't me."

Zorka growled, "on my planet, the boys show some respect for the girls and don't fart in their presence. I can't stay on a planet where things are different. Sorry! I have to get my spaceship repaired by some ugly geek and then return to Zorkesia." She cried, "Quinn, may you repair the shuttle?"

Mr. Fletcher was consternated. "Hey! That's not as we've rehearsed it."

Using the loud speakers, I announced to repair the shuttle within five minutes.

Artificial fog covered the ground again.

Logan screamed like an idiot and banged his head against the wall.

Zoey entered the space shuttle.

The curtain fell.

I sighed for relief.

Zoey was obviously cured from her worst metal disease, ever. Now she could take care of Dustin's little cold.

However, I was looking forward to repairing a real space shuttle, or even building one from scratch.

Chapter 10. Mark Del Figgalo

10.1. Boys At PCA

Unlike girls with an excessively vulgar and primitive mind, such as bimbo wench Nicole Bristow, I was not personally interested in boys.

But I alwo wanted to make some groundshaking discoveries in the field of sociology, and not only in the natural sciences.

This was not motivated by "Cal"'s great success.

The reason was rathe a rivalry between me and a certain girl from my classes back in Seattle.

Ashley Gonzalez[[34]] had been one of my greatest intellectual challenges back at Seattle. She was not as great in te natural sciences, but she was totally keen on psychology and sociology.

I had aleways deemed those subjects inferior to hard natural sciences like physics and chemistry, or advanced technologies like rocket engineering and nuclear technology. "Social sciences are for the wimps. Everyone can be knowleadgeable in those."

Ashley had not wanted to believe me. "You just say so because you are unable to do any research there."

I could not accept Ashley's judgment.

Of course she had never budged.

I just had to prove her wrong by conducting some breathtaking research in the field of sociology.

Ashley Gonzalez had chosen the following topic for me: "The romantic social interaction between male and female human beings".

That was really tough.

10.2. Test Rabbit

I had just invented a new anesthetic, suggested once more by "Cal".

It was a mixture of various spices, such as soy sauce, lemon juice, and chili. It would later on serve Doc Hollywood for surgeries.

I had successfully demonstrated the whole thing on Chase Matthews.

But my mind was still preoccupid by the topic for Ashley's challenge.

I needed a suitable male text object.

In order to avoid troubles with Zoey, Nicole, and Dana, it could not be any boy in the potential focus of their interest.

Nicole Bristow was one obnoxious bimbo wench. She was always rooting for cute boys.

The safest bet for avoiding trouble with her was thus most likely some totally uncute boy.

Dana Cruz was a vigorous tomboy of the most aggressive and bully sort.

In order to avoid trouble with her, my test rabbit should have been clumsy and weak.

Zoey Brooks liked talking to boys and girls alike.

A less than average talkative boy would thus hardly have caused her to turn envious.

And there was the boy of the choice: Mark del Figgalo. He was clumsy, uncute, and not talkative.

None of my "friends" would have had an interest in spoiling the whole thing.

But I somewhat needed to get his attention.

How to do that?

Maybe Zoey, Nicole, and Dana had got some recipes for this.

I glared strangely into Mark's direction.

They thought me to have a crush on him.

I let them believe it. "Mark!" I swooned. "Aw, isn't that name like a poem?"

According to Nicole, it was a biy short, and it did not rhyme properly.

Well, a poem did not need to rhyme.

Zoey suggested, "you can talk to boys like to girls. But you have tto use simpler words." She was totally hypocrictical.

Most girls, including Zoey, Dana, and Nicole, were way too stupid to understand any smart words, either.

I decided to walk up to Mark and try to get his attention. "May I have a sample of your nose hair?"

Mark was not pleased.

That was totally annoying.

I definitely needed to make a genetic compatibility test using nose hair.

It was all desperate.

Finally, I decided to let Zoey ask him for a date with me.

I closed my eyes.

A minute later, Zoey returned.

Thye appeared to have agreed on a date next weekend.

I grinned.

10.3. Preparing A Date

Unfortunately, I had not yet got any glue as of what to do during a date.

Zoey had to intervene again. She made many stupid suggestions.

For example, I was not allowed to talk about insects.

That was really creepy.

How may you lead any serious conversation without mentioning insects?

More than half of the total amount of species of animals are insects.

So I wanted to talk about spiders instead.

Zoey rebuked me again. The blond Mary Sue was way too dumb to know the difference between insects and spiders.

That was unbearable.

Zoey also did not want me to show Mark my sixth toe of my right foot.

But where was the fun?

Then there were even more stupid suggestions.

I should not mention the word "date" during a first date.

Now that made pretty much no sense.

Even worse, Zoey forced Chase to feign being a boy. She wanted to test what I had learned from her advices.

But Chase was a boy. He did not have to feign to.

Really, Zoey was just talking nonsense.

The toop of nonsense was the following:

Zoey had bought two tickets for a show Einstein On Ice, taking place at the same time as the scheduled date with Mark del Figgalo.

That was totally absurd.

10.4. The Decisions

I rocked forth and back on my bed.

Ashley Gonzalez had been choosing a really tough subject for my sociological experiment.

And so far, my attempts to put up with it involved the necessity of acting and talking totally lame nonsense and uninteresting stuff.

Was it really worth the trouble?

I panted heavily.

After a night of restless dreams, my decision was made.

I decided to drop that stupid dating experiment.

My conclusion for the subject was clear anyways:

The social interaction between boys and girls was nothing but self-compromising and self-corruption.

And I really did not need that.

So, sorry, but … no Mark!

10.5. Mark's Girlfriend

Weeks later, Mark turned out to have already got a girlfriend, some Courtney[[35]].

I would have gone through a few troubles.

But what was worse:

Zoey had lied to me!

Mark had never agreed on a date.

Well, that's what you get for trusting a blond Mary Sue.

I had learned to be more cautious.

That was also a sociological discovery, wasn't it?

Maybe there was still some hope of overturning Ashley Gonzales.

Chapter 11. Sleep Withdrawal

11.1. Spring Fling

There seemed to be quite a few traditional events at Pacific Coast Academy.

For example, it was not the time of the year for the annual "Spring Fling".

That tradition had been brought to Pacific Coast Academy by migrants from an area with a somewhat less moderate climate than the southern Californian coastal regions.

It marked the beginning of outdoor labour after many weeks of ice and snow.

Nature appeared to be more or less asleep.

But this was not really the case right here in Los Angeles.

Nevertheless, many students here had appropriated strange habits and customs with respect to sleeping.

I wanted to find out more about those, especially as a consequence of the continued withdrawal of sleep.

A possible consequence could have been somnambulia, the habit of walking while asleep.

So I picked my test rabbit, Dustin Brooks, for a test of my theory. I would keep him from sleeping by means of electric shocks.

"Cal" had sent me a lot of existing research papers to that topic. But he always had to interrupt his experiments due to the intervention of relatives of his test subjects.

Zoey was of course suspicious.

But maybe the current situation was my big chance

Zoey Brooks had been chosen for the organisation team of the spring party.

This was, of course, the first time for the spring fling to be organised by a girl.

Boys had always sucked at it, resulting in lame music and luke warm buffets.

Zoey had got a really big fish to be pulled ashore.

Drake Parker[[36]] was the leader of a teenage band from San Diego, right at the Mexican border.

His career had started only a few months ago as a substitute for injured super star Devin Malone.[[37]].

There was but one horrible hitch.

Drake Parker's manager, one greedy bastard, required five thousand bucks for that concert.

Of course we could not afford this with ease.

Zoey was thus forced to organise fund raising activities as well.

Well, Logan would have been able to pay the sum without a trace of sweat. But he feared Drake Parker's competition as a womaniser.

Those fund raising actions would allow me to perform experiments with Dustin and sneak most of it past Zoey's overprotective mood.

I did not really care about Drake.

He was probably just an excriciating jerk like Logan Reese, just making a trifle more of obnoxious noise.

11.2. No Sleep

11.2.1. Reactions

The tests with Dustin worked perfectly.

After two days of withdrawal, Dustin claimed to be tired.

I recorded this fact acribically.

According to "Cal", the human senses may get affected adversely by sleep withdrawal.

But the reflexes should not have been affected.

I tested this on Dustin, First, I blew with a horn into one of his ears.

His reaction to noise was still perfectly normal.

He started screaming like an idiot.

Then I made him look away for a moment and filled some ice cubes into his pants in order to test his reactions to cold.

Once more, he screamed and ran away, demonstrating his normal reactions to cold.

I reported the wonderful course of the current experiments back to "Cal", making him thoroughly proud of me.

11.2.2. Hallucinations

Not much later, I tested Dustin's sensual confusion.

According to "Cal"'s works, hallucinations were not unusual after several days of withdrawal.

And, indeed, he saw me multiple times, all distorted, and he heard me moo like a cow. The little guy was thoroughly confused.

I was glad about that and reported back to "Cal".

But the experiments were not yet finished.

11.3. The Concert

Zoey's fund raising actions had be more cumbersome than expected by the blond Mary Sue.

It had even ended with a disaster.

Their actions had icluded a car wash.

The girls had carelessly trashed the favourite car of executive chairman Garth Burman[[38]]. They needed to hire greasmonkey Joe Braxley[[39]] in order to repair the damage.

I would have been able to repair it as well. I was even able to repair a space ship.

But the girls expected me to overtune the engine of the car while repairing it. Thus they refused to trust me.

So they were finally far from coming up with the required five thousand bucks.

The manager wanted to withdraw Drake.

But the rock star was keen on Zoey's design of tank tops for the concert and took the rights for them as a payment for the concert. He also fired his evil manager and replaced him with his step brother, Joshuah Nichols.

So the concert took actually place. It put an end to the lethargy of the last weeks.

But Dustin passed out during the comcert. He had somehow git rid of the shocking device and fell asleep prematurely.

I feared "Cal" getting mad at me for having failed miserably.

11.4. Somnambulia

Alas, Zoey was the only one to get really upset.

Dustin had been staying in a delirious sleep for several hours.

A girl named Wendy Gellar had found him and taken him to Zoey. Wendy was a fan of Drake living in Dan Diego. She had stalked Drake in a very obsessive manner.

Dustin had got hallucinations of Wendy laughing about him[[40]] for hitting on her.

But Wendy had really hardly cared about him.

The next night, Dustin was still unable to wake up and suffered from various hallucinations, causing him to sleep walk across the campus.

I recorded everything with greatest care in order to report back to "Cal".

Dustin ended up on the roof of the boys' hall, howling aloft like w olf.

The moon seemed to have influenced him as well.

That was very interesting, especially for a boy.

Usually, only girls were supposed to be vulnerable to the rythm of the moon phases.

"Cal" " praised my scientific endeaver especially with respect to this interesting subject."

Fortunately, Dustin did not remember anything about his nightly excursions after recovering from sleep withdrawal. Thus he could not tell Zoey and get me into quite a bunch of deeper troubles.

I would continue my research now on other test subjects, with or without their notice.

Chapter 12. Oranas

12.1. Banapple Shrub

Inspired by Cal's recent progresses in genetic manipulstion of algae by means of radioactivity, I had decided in favour of a project involving the genetic manipulation of fruit trees.

My favourite fruits were apples and bananas.

Thus I had chosen to create the first blend of apples and bananas.

The name would not be hard to find.

Combining the terms "banana" and "apple", I obtained the name of my new fruit: The banapple!

The genetic manipulation was not too difficult.

The bush of my dreams was located in our school garden.

Unfortunately, the park was not really well maintained.

There should have been some garden freak.

But OK, I had to do with things available.

Now I just had to wait for banapple fruits to grow on my bush.

That would be a lot of fun watchiung them.

12.2. Scarecrow

A few weeks later, the first smelly fruits were hangingin the bush.

They were shaped like bananas, but their skin was apple like.

The smell was some mix inbetween.

This made my brittle heart jump up and down for excitement.

Of course they were still quite immature.

I had developed a special fertiliser for the banapples, too.

It was made of recycled rubbish from the cafeteria.

Zoey's stomach would have turned over when hearing about this, let alone the details.

But science was science, and it required its sacrifices from everyone.

I recorded acrivbically the progress of the growth of the banapple shrub.

Unfortunately, birds were envious. They had stolen some of the fleshy fruits.

The goo was still on the ground.

This upset me to no end.

I had to do something about those birds.

Thus I built a scarecrow in my likeness.

The heart piece was a laser eye frying those evil winged beasts to a crisp upon having spotted them.

Nothing could stop anymore my greatest discovery in the history of carpology.

12.3. Mindy Crenshaw

Alas, the scarecrow did not necessarily work as expected.

In addition, Cal had got that theory about the nightly groth and the moon phases.

I wanted to check it out.

Thus I decided to study the banapple plants at night.

The banapply smell of the fledgling fruits was so inviting.

I had taken an infravision cam with me.

It had been invented by Cal.

But I had assembled it on my own. Later, I would extend this to the aforementioned quinnocular.

I heard some sounds approaching.

What was going on?

I hid behind some stupid shrubbery.

Some shadowy human figure approached.

Down to my night vision, I could make sense of the schemes.

It was a girl fairly new at this school. She named herself "Anastasia", but that was certainly fishy.

Recently, Zoey had designed some cool ornation for a backpack.

This had been necessary for Nicole's sake.

The annoying bimbo wench had spoiled a backpack in the campus store due to her stupidity.

Zoey had to pay for it and made lemonade form lemons.

"Anastasia" had taken a picture of it, pretending to work for our school newwspaper, vix. the Daily Stingray[[41]].

Two days later, backpacks in the likeness of Zoey's were sold on the campus buy said "Anastasia".

That was so fishy.

And now "Anastasia" was working on my banapples. She took them off.

What were my laser scarecrows doing? They should have burnt ugly holes into that evil bitch!

I could have screamed.

But this would have spoiled everything.

Now, what was that?

The evil intruder replaced the fruits with other ones!

That was really fishy!

I had lost my patience. I triggered my electric torchg. "What are you doing here, you filthy skunkbag?"

"Anastasia" shrieked.

She cackled manically.

I treated her with an electric shock.

She twitched. "Ouch! That hurt!"

I grunted, "as it should, you naughty bastard!"

"Anastasia" grunted, "you really have thought these things to be banapples?"

I nodded solemnly. "Those are banapples … My banapples, to be precise. Keep your fingers off them!"

"Anastasia" cackled. "Aw you fool! Those things have never grown on your shrub. I have added them all the time! Your idea was great, but the execution was totally foolish."

I gasped, thinking "is that true?"

She snickered. "honestly, I've assembled those from banana peels with some flavour essences and colours. Each few days, I upgraded them in order to make them look more mature. You are such a fool!"

I choked hard.

"Anastasia" explained, "I thought there would be some good science going on here at Pacific Coast Academy. But I must have been thoroughly mistaken. All I see is a bunch of fools and cacklers."

I went pale.

This was not really funny.

I had fallen for a mean joke.

"Anastasia" lectured me about my botanic mistakes.

I wondered, "are you a botanic expert?"

She grinned. "Oh, seems so …"

I grunted, "so who are you really? Certainly not lost Russian queen Anastasia."

She cackled demonically.

"Hey! I am no other but Mindy Crenshaw." roared the stranger.

I twitched manically. I had heard about that name.

Mindy had been the runner up of last year's Californian science fair. She would have been my worst competitor on the long run. She had successfully cclone puppies and so on.

Cal had told me a lot about her.

That had been really impressive.

I growled, "but what's the business with the fake name? And why did you have to resort to this action?"

Mindy went pale.

I boomed, "I should inform Dean Rivers, maybe …"

Mindy stammered, "OK, I've been recently expelled from my old school, 'Belleview' for having tried to get some jerk framed for my act of revenge against some evil teacher named Mrs. Hayfer.[[42]] Unfortunatelky, his mischievous little sister noticed the fraud."

I sighed deeply. "Naughty sisters … but this does not excuse your backpack plagiarism!"

Mindy stammered, "OK, I'm gone from here. Never see you again!"

I choked, "wait! Pay Zoey her due royalties, and I won't tell Dean Rivers."

I moaned, "here at Pacific Coast Academy, girls are excluded form science club. This failure with the banapples would make me even look worse." I was almost weeping. "But together, we could fry Wayne Gilbert's butt!"

Mindy sighed. "Aw, sure we could!"

I high fived with Mindy.

12.4. Other fruits

Zoey was content with her royalties. She would invest them into a stereo plant for our lounge.

In addition, the backpacks would also be sold at nearby "James K. Polk" school in Santa Clarita by Max Wilkes[[43]], some guy generally known just as "Backpack Boy".

Zoey had even got a contract for that.

It was worked out by Claire Sawyer, a student at "James K. Polk" knowing all laws of California and most federal laws by hear.

Mindy left finally all the business to Zoey.

Now we could work better on our fruit plants.

Apples and banans were really a bad match, though.

Bananas are some sort of berries, kind of.

Apples are pomes, and thus not really fruits, but rather accessory fruit extensions.

Banapple fruits would have been totally awkward.

But we have switched to trying the same with bananas and oranges.

Citrus fruits are berries, too, kind of, sort of, so called hesperides.

That was a strange name.

The Greek hespera means somethinhg like sunset time.

It must havehad to do with the mythical nymphes garding a garden in the west, i.e. towards the setting sun, a site growing golden apples, such as the one causing the trojan war.

Now oranges look like golden apples, at least from afar.

But there was one problem.

I wantedto call the resulting fruits "oranas".

Mindy preferred "bananges".

How would we fix that?

Chapter 13. Middle School Dance

13.1. The Annunce

I was stuck in those borring classes about history.

Those guys of old were so icky and alnnoying.

How was it possible for them to survive without computers and other modern technology?

Hell, they had not survibed. They were all dead by now.

Suddenly, a certain Deborah[[44]], wife of an alumnus of Pacific Coast Academy, interrupted our lessons.

Our teacher, Mr. Toplin[[45]] grunted.

Bad luck for him: Dean Rivers had explicitely approved of the interruption and provided the lass with a written permission to do so.

Mr. Toplin sighed deeply.

Deborah started talking, "OK it is time for the annual middle school dance."

I wondered silently, "annual? Doesn't she mean 'anal'?"

There had not been any female students at this school until this year.

Whom were the boys supposed to dance with?

Each other?


I was so close to puking my guts out.

Girls were still such a minority.

There had top be some boy and boy dance going on.

But, actually, girls from neighbourihg schools had been hired during the last years for this event, such as "Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts", Palmwood, "James K. Polk", "Eastridge"[[46]], "Silver Spring"[[47]], and some others.

OK, so it was not necessarily going to be an anal party.

"But will it be a boys' choice or a girls' choice?" wondered I silently for myself.

It would not be either of those.

Debiorah announced, "You have to fill in those questionaries, and then a computer will arrange the pairings."

Many pupils grunted.

Well, was that a good thing or a bad thing?

Computers were not supposed to make mistakes.

That sounded cool!

13.2. The Results

Unfortunately, not all of the kids had been able to fill in their questionaries correctly.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews, for example, had been stalking Zoey Brooks mercilessly in order to copycat his answers.

That was so evil.

It was now time for the publication of the results.

We students stood in a long queue.

The first off us had already spottwed the name of their partner.

But not everyone returned with a smile in his or her face.

Nicole Bristow was assigned to a bimbo guy named Nicholas Webber[[48]] .

Logan Reese was assigned to Dana Cruz. He was dismayed to the death.

It probably served him well.

Good computer!

I cackled with exorbitantly malicious glee.

Zoey Brooks was puzzled. She had been assigned both to obnoxious stalker Chase Bartholomew Matthews and to some recklessly perverse jerk named Glen Davis.[[49]].

There must have been something fishy with the computer.

The fish was rotting from the head down.

Michael Barret was the most unlucky. He had been assigned to a boy named Olivary Biallo.

He was an exchange student from some hitherto unbeknowns exotic island.

I laughed both of my butt cheeks off.

But it was finally my turn to check my assignment.

With closed eyesm, I stood in front of the large bulletin board.

I decideded to open them. "Five … four … three … two …"

The eyes went open.

I coughed like an idioy.

What was that?

Two words stabbed my retina in the most brutal manner: Wayne Gilbert.

I choked. "What?"

I closed my eyes again and reopened them.

But the words had not changed.

I assumed to be stuck in a nightmare. It bit my own hands bleeding. But I did not wake up.

The nightmare was too real.

I screamed like an idiot.

The computer was so stupid.

I would have killed anyone saying, "computers don't make mistakes."

Oops! There was a problem.

I had been the one to say so.

That was so unfair.

Breathing heavily, I decided to suggest to be allowed to repair the computer.

There must have been a bug.

13.3. Bug Hunt

The organisational committee of the ball allowed me to fix the problem. They were not caring about my lackof happiness with Wayne "Firewire" Gilbert. But they were surprised by the diouble assignment for Zoey Brooks, viz. boyj Chase Bartholomew Matthews and Glen Davis.

With instructions from "Cal", I started researching the program.

It was writtin in an excessively crappy programming language named Java[[50]].

Little wonder bugs had snuck in left and right.

I decisded to look up the reasons for assigning Michael to Olivary Biallo first.

The program had been anal enough to establish a boy to boy couple.

How sick!

But what was that?

Olivary Biallo was registered as a girl!

Well, that was definitely not the fault of the computer.

Olivary was one of the hired students from other schools, making up for the gender disparity.

I dared to correct the mistake and assigned him as male.

This was probably going to open another can of worms.

But nothing would have been more humiliating than that.

But the double assignment of Zoey Brooks was really a nasty problem.

It took me quite a few twists and hacks in order to eliminate those stupidities.

Now I was too tired to proofread the result after my patches.

13.4. Revised And Updated

It was now our time to read all the revised and updated assignments.

Nicole Bristow was still assigned to Nicholas Webber.

That was not to be expected differently.

But what was that?

Olivary Biallo, the exchange student from "James K. Polk", got assigned to nobody other than Zoey Brooks.

I had still not understood his motivations for signing up for the dance, at the cost of faking his gender.

But OK.

The computer had spoken.

And I was proud of my own work.

Logan Reese got now assigned to Mercedes Griffin from "James K. Polk".

She was a snobbish brat, daughter of one of the greates business guys in Hollywood. She pretty much deserved Logan, too.

I cackled mercilessly.

Dana Cruz was assigned to Keith Finch[[51]] , a brute bully of the most disgusting kind.

That was totally cool.

Michael Barret was assigned to some Suzanne Crabgrass from "James K. Polk".

I could not care any less.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews was forced to dance with one Jennifer Mosely from "James K. Polk".

This did not srcratch me in any manner.

But now time had come in order to check my own assignment.

What was that?

The words of terror showed up once more right in front of my eyes: Wayne Gilbert.

I coughed and choked almost into a comatose state.

How could that have happened?

It was totally absurd.

I almost started weeping.

But I could not admit to having flunked the program.

It was necessary for me to play nice and stick to my own mistake.

Of course I would not get away without a puke bag, for all cases …

13.5. Dancing Floor

The next days had already been quite some nightmare.

And today was no better.

The dance was about to start.

And Wayne was not even able to dance!

Well, at least he did not cause any trouble. He just remained silent.

That was certainly not easy for the insane cackler.

Dana and Keith got along very well, inspite of trying to bully each other.

Logan and Mercedes tried to boast each other into fainting.

But either stayed awake.

Nicole and Nicholas were talking each others ears off with their bimbo talk.

But that was better tha talking our ears off.

They had not deserved it any better.

Michael and Chase were just a bit bored with their dance partners.

Zoey and Olivary appeared to talk a lot about costuumes and textile creation. They were really interested in listening to each other.

But finally, Olivary Biallo had to leave the building in order to pray to the moon.

Zoey did not mind following him. She had always been interested in meeting new cultures.

The dancing floor turned silent.

Wayne and I, we were strangely the last ones standing. We were talking about the possibilities of technology.

Wayne agreed on a bet.

I just had to win it in order to get admitted to the science club.

The same was valid for Mindy Crenshaw.

Zoey came in once more and told us to follow her outside.

It was a wonderfull full moon night, the best time for carols around midnight.

We were now dancing the dance that Pacific Coast Academy students would do for the next generations, an endless carol 'neath the Californian full moon.

Chapter 14. Fat-Free Potato Chips

14.1. Basketball Team

The beginning of our mixed basketball team had been very tedious.

This had been to some deal the result of the lack of decent cheerleading.

This was a common dilemma of all our athletic teams, including football, hockey, baseball, soccer …

You name it!

The school had been a boys-only school for the longest time.

Traditionally., cheerleading had started out as a boys' task.

But times had changed strongly.

Cheerio boys were in the meantime a humiliated minority.

Most boys feared the horrible stigma.

In order to make up for this, the Pacific Coast Academy used to borrow cheerleaders from neighbouring schools, such as "Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts", Palmwood, "Eastridge", "James K. Polk", "Silver Hamemrs" … just the usual ones.

This was a trifle harden than borrowing girls for the school dance.

But, just as in the former case, the need for borrowing cheerio girls had not exactly come to an end by the Pacific Coast Academy's switch to coeducativity.

There had not been many girls, and they were by no means all cheerio types.

One of our best cheerio girls was Melanie Puckett[[52]] from Seattle, just like me.

Dana Cruz had originally been up to cheerleading, but she had decided to join the basketball team instead.

The chaotic cheerleading troop was poorly motivated, and it provided for a worse than miserable motivation for our missle school basketball team.

The school dance had suddenly changed the scenario.

The situation between Logan Reese and Mercedes Griffin may have been toxic and colder than antarctic ide.

But Mercedes, a gifted cheerio girl from ather school, was rigged and ready to sub in our cheerio squad, along with her friend Candy Manderson[[53]] .

This support had been the last straw to break the adversaries' back.

The team had been down in the play off series.

But Mercedes's cheerio performance was totally provocational, and it fooled Logan Reese into performing 150 per cent.

Now we were qualified for the Californian playoffs.

Michael Reese had been a not negligeable power central of our team.

But there was a great problem with him.

The bugger was addicted to extremely fat and spice potato snacks.

This was no good for his health. And it was absolutely no good for the basketball team.

For the Californian league, we needed top agile players.

So I had decided to do something about it and invent some substitute for potato chips.

It had to be free from fat and starch, but taste exactly like those potato snacks.

14.2. Speechless

In order to get at the ingredients envisioned for my composition, I needed the help of Cal.

The star from "Caltech" had got no difficulties getting me some pulverised uranium and the necessary mini reactor in order to turn it into plutonium.

This was highly dangerous. And it had to be kept top secret.

Pluytomium was both venomous and raduioactive.

There were many enviars and stupid fools refusing to believe in technological and scientific progress.

Thus the trade with uranium was injustly illegal.

But I did not care.

The ingredients mixed quite nicely.

Within one day, I had produced a big bucket of fake potato chips.

They fake spice even smelled like Peruvian puff pepper, the mmost elitary sort of spice around the world.

Unfortunately, my first attempt had got some not so insignificant drawback.

Michael loved the fat-free imitates. He swallowed a bucket in a few minutes. But he suffored from some very selective muscle failure.

The fake snacks would not turn hin anymore chubby, but less agile, anyways.

And a basketball player with problems of agility was utterly worthless dirt, crap, and junk.

I needed to adjust the recipe.

The new result tasted the same way.

And it did not impede his mobility in any way.

But, after just a few hours, the next catastrophe occurred.

Michael was loosing his speech.

You might deem this less horrible than making him immobile.

A basketball player was supposed to move elegantly and handle th eball with care, and not to talk like a teacher or a politician.

But, hey, basketball is a team sport!

Communication between team members was very important.

Michael could have used his hands and his feet instead.

But the result would have been both funny and embarrassing.

I needed to improve the mixture of ingredients once more.

For the better or worse,. Melinda Crenshaw was offering to help me.

This help was duly appreciated.

But would it be too late?

The tide was high.

The next official basketball game was around the corner.

And no amunt of top cheerleaders was able to make up for a poorly disposed Michael Barret.

14.3. Confusion

Unfortunately, my fake chips had been eaten by others as well.

Dean Rivers had thence lost his speach for two days.

The same was valid for a few other teachers. Classes had to be eventually cancelled, delayed, or postponed.

But finally, Mindy Crenshaw had found the mistake.

Well, the beforementioned consequences were inevitable.

She was only able to delay the consequences.

Michael was thus able to enjoy his fat-free and spicy potato-like snacks, but he would have to lose his ability to talk after the next match.

Oh well!

Each choice had got its price.

And Michael was apparently willing to pay it.

So why not?

We were working on a counter medic, though.

The first results, obtained by tests on Duistin Brooks, were promising.

But the full implementation was still awaiting.

For our basketball team, this did not really matter.

They won the Californian state championship against teams like "Belleview" and "Dimsdale Middle School"[[54]] by a landslide, especially due to the efforts of Michael Barret.

Of course, Michael Barret was not able to answer the questions of Jeremiah Trottman, annoyingly inquisitive star reporter of our school television network following directly the impressive performance at the play off games.

But that was quite the contrary of a big loss.

Trottman's dumbfounded face was worth the trouble.

Chapter 15. Sleep Well!

15.1. End Of Term

We had got those annoying exams at the end of each term.

This time, Zoey had to help me a bit with my exercises in French.

I was a bit stressed.

Basically, all of us kids were.

Fortunately, my science lab exams were the last ones of this terms.

As usual, I was the fastest in laboratory.

My exams were thus over before about anyone else's.

Being half an hour early, I decided to play a bit with the remaining chemicals. I was interested in reproducing various aromatic essences.

My favourite was coconut.

This was not all too hard.

The result was of a nice pink shade.

We girls loved pink.

Zoey and Nicole enjoyed that colour most.

15.2. Mystic Beach

Each year, we kids at Pacific Coast Academy spend the last afternoon of this term at Mystic Beach , dozens of miles away from Pacific Coast Academy.

This sounded a bit strange.

The school had got its own access to the beach.

So why was it necessary to rent some mile of sand so far away from here?

Basically, some rocks narrowed down the amount of available beach at our shores.

And thousands of kids needed a lot of of beach to be happy.

A bunch of buses would take us right there.

Now we upperclass kids were done with our exams and waiting in the lounge for our transport.

Even Dustin was with us. He wanted to come to the beach with his sister instead of his class mates.

I shook my head.

Dustin always insisted in being really so independent and feeling so terribly much overprotected by Zoey. But on each occasion like this, he preferred being with his sister.

This was really strange.

I held a test tube with my pink coconut oil aloft. I explaine dthe situation.

Nicole deemed the pink colour cute. But she had not understood any of my words.

I offered to pass around the test tube.

Everyone started to inhale briefly and then pass the flask to his neighbour.

Suddenly, my arms started feeling heavy.

My legs were like turning into stone or lead.

My head weighed me down.

My eyelid plummeted shut.

My world went dark.

15.3. Waking Up

I woke up again. I was still dizzy.

Michael Barret, Dana Cruz, Zoey Brooks, Chase Bartholomew Matthews, and Logan Reese must have been asleep, too.

All of us had inhaled the pink haze from my test tube.

It must have been a somniferous essence.

Dustin was still asleep. He was younger and smaller, and thus probably more affected by the effect of the pink essence.

We looked at our watches.

Oh my gosh!

The last bus to Mystic beach was about to depart within the next five minutes.

We had to hurry up.

But Dustin was heavier than expected. He slowed us down a lot.

15.4. Too Late!

We finally reached the parking lot, complete with our luggage and Dustin.

Alas, it was now too late.

The bus was just gone.

We sighed deeply.

Logan suggested to call a cab for us. He had got a credit card and could afford such a trip.

I was not at ease with that thought. "Do what you want! I better stay here in order to develop a counter medic for this!" I glared at my pink dormitive.

Logan declared, "not a big loss for us, you spaz!"

I grunted noisily, but without properly talking.

Zoey shrugged. "Would you please take care of Dustin?" That was strange, too. She would not really have wanted me to be too much with Dustin, potentially using him for my experiments. But she had been stressed a lot by the exams and really wanted to enjoy her day out at mystic beach.

Dustin was in her way.

I agreed to keep good care of him.

She did not want me to experiment with him though.

But, hey! That would not have been any fun!

The cab arrived and took the others along with them.

15.5. The Counter Medic

I could not handle the task on my own. Thus I decided to inform Cal.

The genius was available for a conversation on the cellular phone. He talked told me a few hints, leaving me with a few otions for my research.

That was better than nothing.

I let Dustin sniffle on and off at the intermediate result of my ongoing experiments.

An hour later, the little bugger woke up.

I sighed for relief.

Dustin was consternated, wondering about the situation.

I explained it as much as possible.

Dustin would have preferred to be with his sister and her other friends. He wanted to talk to her as soon as possible.

I sighed deeply.

The Brooks kids were such a strange brood …

Dustin tried several times, even with Michael's and Chase's number.

But Zoey's phone was out of reach.

Dustin knew for sure, "there is accass for mobile phones and for wii-fi at Mystic Beach!" Then he called his room mate, Jack[[55]].

Indeed, he replied. But he denied having seen Zoey, Michael, Logan, Nicole, dana, or Chase. He walked around in order to ask others, but everything was pointless.

Dustin was severely worried.

I suggested to call the cab enterprise.

They may have taken a wrong turn.

Dustin followed my suggestion.

And indeed, Logan Reese had sent them into the wrong direction. He was such a brainless idiot and dandy of the most abominable sort imaginable.

OK, so we knew now where they had disembarked from the cab.

And that was one of the less populated places at the coast between Los Angeles and Santa Barbara.

Dustin was impatient. He feared all bad things happening to Zoey.

I sighed deeply.

We had to go and look for them.

15.6. The Search

But I had not got a car. I needed to ask a responsible adult. Not willing to think for too long, I decided to ask Coco Wexler.

She was ready to take us there, but she wanted some fragrance in turn.

I grinned and mixed the pink somniferous essence with the counter medic.

Coco grabbed it out of my hands. She applied the stuff. "Aw! Coconut flavour! That's my favourite smell!"

The neutraliser only removed the somniferous effect, but not the pink colour or the coconut-like scent.

We were taking a ride to the spot indicated by the cab headquarters.

Our cellular phones were active.

Night had fallen.

Finally, we received a help call from Zoey Brooks.

Using a special device, I was able to locate the gang exactly.

Half an hour later, we met our lost friends.

Zoey was glad to hold her little brother in her arms.

We sighed with relief.

15.7. Anesthesis

The pink essence would turn out as a very useful anesthetic for the puroposes of Doc Hollywood's surgery.

Qualitech decided to produce it serially.

This would increase my salary rapidly.

Chapter 16. July In Los Angeles

16.1. Summer Job

The red hot Californian summer sun was burning up the hills and the braes.

The air was still in the downtown of Los Angeles.

I was clearly not accustomed to this.

In the surroundings of Seattle, even summers were a lot more rainy and somewhat cooler.

During the summer break, I had been working for aforementioned Qualitech as a vice president for research and development.

During the past academic year, my work for Qualitech had been done on the campus and communicated over the interweb.

My office was strange.

There were so many stupid plants standing around in the lobby and in the offices. Were they suited for genetic manipulations?

Qualitech was not only producing scooters, pardon, "Jet-X", but also a variety of other things.

Not all of them were a challenge for a technological genius like me.

Strangely, they were also producing cheese … hitech quality cheese!

It smelled and stank like each and every other cheese, though.

Buut do you remember my theory concerning the emotions of food?

Well, Qualitech cheese should have had those feelings, too!

I could not help but test and proof my aforementioned theory.

Unfortunately some of my fellow workers had got a brain less powerful than an amoeba's. They were incredible dumbnuts, too foolish to understand the possibility of food having feelings!

Were, the kids and teachers at Pacific Coast Academy were not much better.

And you know that already.

But I had hoped to meet better people at such an elitary enterprise like Qualitech.

A company with such a name should have cared about the quality of its employees, shouldn't it?

This had disappointed me quite a bit.

But at least Jake Savage did not really mind. He had come to see "worse cases".

Alas, I was not allowed to finger his bagel for the coffee break.

That was so mean.

My "assistant" had been a really dumb lass, worse than Dana Cruz and nicole Bristow taken together. She was assigned by the department for human resources.

I was a vice president. Didn't I have the right to choose my own assistant?

Jake Savage sighed. "Of course!" He shrugged.

Unfortunately, Dustin wasn't around. He had always been a cool assistant, at least until the experiment with the withdrawal of several days of sleep. Where was he during the whole summer break?

I tried to figure his whereabouts.

Zoey had given me her phone number, just in case of an emergency.

I decided to dial it.

Zoey was not exactly pleased by getting bothered during a break. She was working as a bay watch for two weeks. She must have got her mind poisoned by the theatre play about the alien girl and the bay watch.

So I asked her solemnly for the permission to send me Dustin as an assistant.

But she turned me down rudely.

Dustin needed a break from me, at least according to Zoey's opinion. He was now in a summer camp in the forrests. But Dustin was a fraid of squirrels.

That could not go well.

A job as my assistant would have been a whole lot safer for him.

But that hare brained Mary Sue did not understand this.

Thus my search had to go on.

An adventurous young boy named Sinjin van Cleef applied for the position as my assistant. He had got some chaotic hair style, worse than Chases, and some thick glasses, thicker than mine.

After all the dummies, he seemed to be the best choice.

He asked me, "do you know some relatives of former presidents?" He collected the teeth of those in order to finance his art projects. He appeared to be interested in becoming a stage builder. For that avail, he wished to go to nearby "Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts".

I shook my head. "Unfortunately not. But I collect my own toe nails. I've got six toes on my right foot. Do you want to see?"

Sinjin nodded solemnly. "Why not?"

I deftly removed my smelly right sock.

But the latter smelled still better than all of the probably quite unhappy cheese made by Qualitech.

My extraneous toe was reveiled.

Sinjin offered to paint it with industrial resines.

That sounded totally cool.

The best event during the summer break at Qualitech would be the visit of Cal.

I hoped him to be proud of me for my cool job here.

16.2. Cheesy Statistics

Cal was great. He had been able to convince the marketing department of Qualitech of the necessity of considering my theory.

Jake Savage had not quite understood it.

Cal suggested to make a sequence of tests, comparing the sales statistics of unhappy cheeses with those of happy cheeses.

As expected, most employees laughed about that and deemed it a waste of time.

Cal comforted me. "See, may people don't understand the necessity of progress. They rather stick to the follies they have been taught to believe in by their foul parents."

I sighed for disgust. "Too true! Parents are so incredibly dumb and absurdly misguiding."

Sinjin prepared the a new folder for the statistics.

Cal gave further instructions.

Then I was allowed to finger the emotions of various cheese sorts produced by the company.

Indeed, their emotions differed significantly.

Some of them were sad.

Others were excited.

Most of them were angry, or in some other sort of a stinky mood.

That was probably the reason for the stench of most kinds of cheese.

Sinjin wrote down the results of my diagnosis with excruciating precision.

Dustin could not have made it a lot better.

16.3. End Of Summer

Summer time was now almost over.

Soon, fall would start.

I had been resting in Seattle for just a few days in order to recover from the fiery atmosphere in southern California.

But now the campus of Pacific Coast Academy was calling me into the second year.

I hoped for a few smarter fellow pupils, not just dumb creeps like Nicole Bristow, Dana Cruz, Logan Reese, and so on.

According to my sheet, a new dormitory hall would await me.

But this did not necessarily warrant any improvements.

I just had to wait and see.

Chapter 17. Power Failure

17.1. Changes

I arrived as early as possible at the campus.

This was my year as a freshman.

A few things had changed.

High school girls were accomodated in "Brenner Hall", and no longer in "Butler Hall".

The room number had not changed, though.

Mr. Brenner was an alumnus of Pacific Coast Academy. He had graduated from here like twenty years ago.

Now he was a CEO of a mid-sized enterprise in Los Angeles. He had sponsored in part the construction of this residence block.

Coco Wexler, however, was also responsible for "Butler Hall".

Welcome back to messiness!

Girls were still a strict minority.

Thus one dormitory adviser for us was still deemed enough.

I wanted to exercise more control over things going on.

Thus I was installing two-way television systems, connecting my room with some others, especially "101", probably Zoey's room.

This would allow me to communicate with everything going on in those rooms.

Cal helped me with the whole mess. "OK! This should do it." He smiled sweetly.

Too bad I was still only fourteen years old.

And he was an adult.

But now I just needed to wait for the arrival of the other girls. I was so eager on testing my system.

17.2. New Girls

Zoey Brooks and Nicole Bristow were once more assigned as my girls next door.

But Dana Cruz was not among them.

According to Zoey Brooks, there had been some exchange programme with an elitary boarding school not far from Paris, the capital of France.

Zoey and Nicole would get assigned a new roomie instead.

Coco was not able to help there.

A certain Ms. Burvich[[56]] , some grumpy spinster, was in charge.

Zoey and Nicole wanted to have something to say about their future roomie. For that avail, they were up to visiting the office of said Ms. Burvich and try to fix it in a more favourable manner.

I did not care. I just continued reading Cal's description of his latest work.

A few minutes later, Zoey and Nicole returned with disappointed facial expression.

Nicole had messed it all up by destroying some very valuable items in the office of said Ms. Burvich.

Some severe punishment was awaiting them.

Probably the worst possible girl would be assigned.

For example, Melanie's twin sister Samantha[[57]] was now new at PCA. She had been the detention queen at their old school, "Ridgeway", and she was in a state programme for saving kids of bad familiar background from slipping deeper into the social and moral morass. She was a sixth grade girl only.

But there were certainly older kids like this.

One of them would most likely get assigned to "101 Brenner Hall".

And we just had to wait for less than half an hour.

I kept on reading until heariong some sounds from next door.

The new lass had just arrived. She called herself "Lola Martinez".

Her first impression was really as miserable as anticipated. She was dressed like a goth girl, and she admitted to having pushed some teacher at her former school down the staircase.

Strangely, Samantha Puckett had really commited such a mean deed, just a few years ago, at the annual pageant of Seattle.

Her victim had been aforementioned Leann Carter.

I had sworn not to talk about it, and I had been keeping my promise.

Otherwise Sam would have talked about my past as a pageant girl, as well.

I could not risk an inevitably succeeding humiliation.

Lola was so creepy, she scared the living daylights out of Nicole and Zoey.

17.3. Midnight Shock

Nicole and Zoey had been scared too much to spend a night in a room with Lola Martinez.

And that was too easily understandable.

They had been leaving the room in order to borrow some tents from Coco Wexler, a passionate camper, and use them in order to sleep out on the campus.

Before letting them go, I gave them two chem sticks, i.e. very clean and safe temporary light sources. I had got a creepy feeling as well. I could not fall sleep.

But that fact was also owed to the ungodly umount of noise drifting across the campus, probably from the boys' residence hall, "Maxwell Hall".

Logan Reese had instalkled a new entertainment station, complete with game spheres, boom boxes, disco lasers, and what not, into his dormitory room and his foyer.

Many kids enjoyed this.

I shook my head.

The whole noise implied a high power consumption.

I had done my researches concerning the supply of the camous with water, current, and heating.

The system was very rusty and old fashioned.

The high demand caused by Logan's station was not unlikely to overburden the circuit.

NowNicole and Zoey returned from outside. They had been afraid of some bug.

Lola had been talking to someone elswe on the phone. She turned ourt to be actually an aspiring Hollywood actress. She had been acting all the time.

Zoey and Nicole were not exactly pleased by having been fooled in this uttermost perverse manner by the new wannabe Hollywood star.

My aforementioned cousin Camille, for example, was a perfect actress, and still two or three years younger than us. She was able to fool people into believing her to be anything she wanted to.

Lola was up to winning the Oscar before the age of twenty.

All of a sudden, a bang was heard.

All the lights went down on the campus.

Many kids were seized by fits of utter panic.

This was too understandable.

And it was all their comeuppance.

Logan's system had caused the worst power failure in the history of Pacific Coast Academy.

I sighed deeply.

Maybe the p[ower supply needed to be improved?

Cal had recently invented a portable nuclear reactor, running on restructured uranium.

I had already done my calculations.

One bar of this would have largely sufficed for increasing the capacities of the power supply at Pacific Coast Academy by dozens of times. It would have been able to supply whole Malibu under normal conditions.

Unfortunately, conservative farters like Mr. Bradford and Dean Rivers were very hard to convince of the unvaluable advantages of scientific and technological progress.

That was such a pity.

The same was valid for the other supplies.

My inventions would have been able to improve all of them significantly.

OK, my plans were still immature.

I still had to calibrate Cal's portable power plant for our purposes, for example.

With some luck, this would enable me to obtain my first Nobel Prize before the age of twenty.

Chapter 18. Restless Nights

18.1. Snorting Issue

Snorting was a very delicate problem concerning a huge variety of people.

Even I had got this kind of obnoxious issues.

The noise produced by my nose at night could have been from a power chop saw clearing the forests of Canada.

This was occassionally made a trifle worse by the demeanour of those stupid girls next door.

As usual, Nicole Bristow was the worst of all. The bimbo wench had already scared Dana Cruz.

And the walls were very thin.

This very night, I had fallen asleep fairly early.

But, all of a sudden, Nicole knocked violently against the wall in a way scaring even the dead out of their tombs.

I activated the recently installe two-way television system connecting my own dormitory room with the one of Zoey Brooks, Nicole Bristow, and Lola Martinez. I complained, "hey, be quiet! Some people here want to sleep!"

Apparently, they had tried to do so as well.

But my internal power chain saw had been keeping them from falling asleep.

That was really terrible.

Unfortunately, my freshly invented pink and coconut flavoured power sleeping oil would not have helped me here. It made people sleep, but it did not prevent them from snorting.

18.2. What To Do

I had already tried several grandma's tricks for keeping me from snorting.

One of the old means was that of hanging head down from a wall.

Breathing in such a complicated position was supposed to widen my pneumatic system and prevent the chain saw from striking again.

But unfortunately that was not always the case.

It did not help me in my situation.

I asked Cal about it.

He had got several cool suggestions, just as usual.

There were some guppy fish only found in South Africa. They secreted some icky slime preventing people from sleeping.

That sounded reasonable.

But maybe I should have pitied the poor little fish?

My brain had got a very strong smell.

In addition, those fish were very expensive.

Cal was talking about five thousand bucks at least.

So I was looking for other possibilities.

Of course there was the possibility of a surgical operation.

But could I trust any action of surgery not performed by myself?

Cal remarked, "just give Doc Hollywood really precise instructions. Then he may follow them. That's like cutting your own nose a bit wider."

That sounded great!

18.3. My Nose

I needed several precise sketches of my nose, from various angles and perspectives. After borrowing Lola's mirror, I could start making the first sketches. For that avail, I sat in the lounge of "Brenner Hall" with a very sharp pencil and a large sketch book.

Zoey Brooks walked along. She held a web cam in her hands. Too bad she was technological devices in some very poor and disrespectful manner.

I wondered, "what are you doing with the camera?"

Zoey sighed. "My homeroom class is making a time capsule as a class project."

I had heard about it from Nicole Bristow and nodded solemnly. "yeah!"

Nicole wanted to donate some of her tops for the capsule, documenting her attempts of attracting cute boys.

Lola was not willing to contribute anything. She was of the opinion, "I will be a great Hollywood star."

In twenty years, people will just have to watch her movies in order to remember her.

The project was compulsory.

But as the perfect actress, Lola would not have any qualms fooling her homeroom teacher, Mr. Bender.

Zoey wanted to make a short movie about her life at Pacific Coast Academy. She was also talking about her friends. For example, she would mention me as a weird geek girl.

Logan Reese would be described as a reckless jerk.

Nicole would be described as a bubbly bimbo girl.

Chase did not know yet about his description.

This lack of knowledge made the bushy head annoyingly restless and nervous.

And on and on and on it went.

I should perform some experiment in front of her camera in order to make it into her video.

But Zoey needed to handle her cam better before producing an appropriate picturer of my work.

I sighed deeply.

Zoey took a look at my sketch. She shook her head. "Is this a rabbit on its way to its part time job for the local fire brigades?"

I asked, "what? Fire brigades?"

Zoey chuckled.

It was a apparently a standard excuse for making some really poor sketch of a bunny.

I felt insulted.

Zoey suuggested, "I draw, you fix my webcam!"

I sighed deeply.

18.4. The Surgery

With Zoey's sketches of my nose in my hand, I approached Doc Hollywood, ready for a surgery.

Unfortunately, he had not really got the necessary tools.

The latter had just not yet been invented.

Fortunately I was such a great inventor of a large variety of things.

It took me half a day to invent the necessary tools, usually based on laser technology.

I needed some sort of anesthesis. Thus I picked a mini test tube fillerd with my formerly invented pink essence with the scent of coco nuts, and I sniffled briefly.

My eyes lids dropped down like concrete blocks.

Doc Hollywood just needed to follow the exact instructions on my blog.

18.5. Successful

The act of surgery performed on my by Doc Hollywood had been a plain success.

Now it was possible for me to sleep without snorting like a giant saw mill.

Unfortunately, this was not really going to provide much sleep.

Chase Matthews and Michael Barret had written a short but painful song about their times at Pacific Coast Academy.

This was their own contribution to aforementioned time capsule.

Unfortunately, they insisted now in playing the song all day long and all night long, even in front of the girls' residence halls..

This was terrible.

They should have improved on that.

Fortunately, there was still my good old pink essence with coconut flavour in order to fix the problem.

Chapter 19. Halloween

19.1. Haunted House

As already seen, there were many stupid traditions at our school.

They covered most of the year.

October was now all but gone.

This was the right time for Halloween parties.

And there had been quite a few of them already.

This year, Logan Reese was responsible for the so-called "haunted house", a little used hall of Pacific Coast Academy adorned in a spooky manner for Halloween.

19.2. Visitors From France

Basically, all freshmen were responsible.

But Logan had got the bucks. Thus he had got to say.

Lola Martinez was not here over Halloween. She was up to auditioning for some horror movie, The Walking Dead, produced by Malcolm Reese.

Logan was a jerk just as usual. He fooled our pals with fake blood and made fun of their squeals, just like an average pervert.

The target of the house were especially the younger kids, such as Dustin Brooks, little sister of Zoey.

The exorbitantly protective Mary Sue was certainly not willing to let him get away with it.

Tonight, there were some foreign visitors, more precisely a French couple viz. André Chaumont and his wife Monique[[58]].

There was one really spooky thing.

Last year, Zoey was able to tutor[[59]] in French. And now she could not understand the Chaumonts?

There was something excruciatingly fishy going on, stinking more than Kazu's kitchen trash.

19.3. Disguises

I was of course disguised as Albert Einstein, one of the greatest scientists of all time.

Zoey was dressed like some mediocre busty blond actress known as "Marilyn Monroe".

Nicole was made to look like Dorothy from Wizard of Oz[[60]], another wench from Kansas.

Michael was disguised as a zombie.

Chase wored a sorcerer's costume. But he thought of himself as a vampire. He could not fool anyone with this, though.

Logan finally opened the haunted house.

Only Michael had to stay outside in order to await the arrival of a delivery truck with more devices.

19.4. Tunnels Of Horror

The first part of the mansion consisterd of the tunnels of horror.

Many elementary school kids started squealing for panic.

Nicole Bristow was even worse than those buggers. Had she really expected to see cute boys in the tunnnels of horror?

Logan had of course gone out of his way again.

Too bad I did not have my medical measuring devices at hand. I would have loved to record heart beat and blood preasure of the kids, let alone their brain currents.

Those would have certainly reach remarkable extremes.

19.5. Gone Kids

We reached the centre of the mansion.

Suddenly, Dustin mentioned, "Jack is gone!"

Jack was one of Dustin's best friends.

Other kids worried.

Zoey accused Logan of being the culprit. "Now you have gone too far!"

Logan Reese swore by his beauty to be innocent.

Where was my portable lie detector when needed?

Dustin reported, "there were voices calling out for Jack before …" He could not continue.

I used to record the results of my scientific observations carefully for my scientific blog. Sometimes, I did voice recording to be faster.

The necessary microphone was always with me.

Cal had been the one to recommed this habits to me in the first place. He had always done so during his career, saving himself from a lot of critical confusions.

This was also the case right now.

So it was easy to check Dustin's statement.

I just had to replay the records.

Zoey looked aghast.

The records showed no such voices.

Dustin and Zoey went pale.

Now it was the moment for reversing the accusations.

Was Zoey trying to get Logan framed for something?

19.6. The End Of The Mansion

The mansion was finally all over.

Many kids were already all pale.

Some dim light shone from above.

But what was that?

The light reveiled some red puddle and a vaguely humanoid apparition.

The strange figure made some uttermost disgusting noises.

It was the most spooky part of the mansion.

Many kids had to squeeze each other in order to be able to bear and survibe the grisly impression right in front of their eyes, a bleeding corpses staggereing forth and back, producing awkward and terrifying sounds.

This time, Zoey appeared most consternated, though. After having gotten her plot spoiled, she behaved really out of her way.

That was the right moment for asking her about the strange contradiction concerning her knowledge of French.

Zoey shivered and trembled like an idiot. "Yes, it was me. I denounced Dana and got her sent to France."

We gasped.

More precisely, Zoey had been disgusted by Dana's attempts of bullying Dustin and treating him in an excessively rude manner,[[61]] usually behind her back. She could not help but denouncing this deed and get Dana sent to a French school, the school of Monique and André Chaumont. Zoey had even chosen that school for Dana and was remotely familiar with those visitors. She would have preferred to keep this a secret.

This had been the reason for her feigned ignorance of the French language.

Finally, Logan turned the lights on.

The ambulant corpse dropped its costume, revealing as Lola Martinez. She grinned mischievously. "How was I?"

Nicole replied, "somewhat … dead?"

Lola chuckled. "Logan, do I now get the rôle in your dad's movie?"

Logan nodded solemnly. Due to the huge amount of witnesses, he could not afford lying about it.

19.7. Zombie Terror

I had just left the mansion and was about crossing the campus.

My cellular phone rang out.

I picked it up.

It was Doc Hollywood. He needed my help with a particularly obnoxious case of face mutilation.

Really, the patient was Michael Barret.

Monique and André had seen him crossing the campus, looking like a zombie. Not familiar with the tradition of Halloween, they mistook his disguise for some bad injury. They caught him in order to drag him to the emergencu medic service, against his will.

And Doc Hollywood was holding this office tonight.

Of course I knew it to be just some disguise.

But Michael deserved some horror, didn't he?

I told Doc Hollywood how to treat him, with all sorts of caustic chemical salves. I had to grin mischievously.

Michael would live through the real horror of Halloween, the horror of slow and painful unmasking.

Chapter 20. Confusing Stink

20.1. Stupid Boys

As aforementioned, most of the freshman boys here were excessively stupid.

This was valid in particular for Michael Barret and Logan Reese.

One day, I found them lying in lounge.

They emitted a horrible stench.

Michael reported,

Logan and I were crossing teh campus. We were passing some shrubbery.

There was a sound coming from behind the plants.

We thought of a kitten hiding there. We wanted to lure it out of the bushes and moved some twigs.

The kitten showed up. But it was no kitten. It was a … skunk.

A bit later, we were covered with this stink.

I had to laugh. I started preaching them about the family of the kingdom of animals containing skunks, weasels, minks, ferrets, …

They were not interested due to their exorbitant lack of intelligence. They were just interested in getting rid of the stink.

Logan moaned,

We have already tried tomato juice. We emptied the cafeteria's storage room. Then we were drinking all the stuff. But it did not help.

Finally, Lola told us about our mistake.

We would have to bathe in tomato juice in order to get rid of the stench.

Drinking it does not help.

I giggled. "Oh, yeah, this is correct." I explaine the reasons for this in a scientific manner.

Once more, those dumb fools lacked the necessary intelligence to follow my scientici talk. They were really worthless.

Fortunately, I had already started to invent something helpful for that situation. I did not mind the guys dying from their own stink.

But the whole foyer was now poisoned.

After a few minutes, I would retirn with some essence able to remove their stench. I squirted the fragrance all over their body, from their empty heads down to their boring toes.

20.2. Sam hits on Dustin

A few days earlier, Samantha Puckett and Dustin Brooks had started dating.

It was more or less an incident during their science classes.

That was strange.

But their teacher for science, Mr. Gangrel[[62]] was no real good. He had assigned Dustin and Sam as lab partners. He hoped Dustin to be able to tame Sam.

The obnoxious girl loved causing explosions in the laboratory.

Zoey was of course little pleased by the dirty affair.

So I tried to negotiate a bit. I should probably not have cared. I did not want my connections with Sam and her family to become well known.

Sam did not really have any feelings whatsoever for Dustin. She just liked to play with little innocent guys.

Likewise, Dustin just wanted to appear cool.

I interrogated Sam in some silent corner. "So why do you really bother with so many other boys?"

Sam was not really willing to talk. But she gave finally in. "I order to forget about him …"

I wondered, "who is 'him'?"

Sam moaned, "Fredward Benson, the new kid in Carly's plaza."

Carly Shay was Samantha's best friend in Seattle. She lived in some "Bushwell Plaza" in the downtown.

Without Carly's self-sacrifice, Samantha would have been in youth jail long since.

I sighed deeply. "What is with Fredward Benson?"

Sam reported, "he is so hot. But he has only got eyes for Carly and only hits on her."

That must have hurt badly.

Sam was not willing to interfer with them. "One day, Carly would hate me for stealing Freddie from her. By now, she doesn't really look interested. But some day she will … maybe."

I sighed deeply. "That's really bad." I should have thouht of a way to allow for Sam to fess up to Freddie without hurting Carly.

I told Sam, "Zoey is very upset and dangerous. She will not tolerate you dating Dustin. And she already got Dana Cruz expelled for bullying him." I panted heavily. "I will help you with Fredward."

But Sam had to stop hitting on those innocent boys. She moaned, "how will that be possible?"

I sighed deeply. "I will invent something. Promised!"

Sam nodded solemnly.

I would soon perform some surgery on Sam's evil mother.

We had to talk about it.

20.3. Naked Boys

Unfortunately, my chemicals designed fro removing the stench of people also had got some side effect. It was able to resolve polymeric fibres.

The latter were used in modern textiles.

As a consequence, Logan and Michael were sooner or later going to lose most of their garments and stand naked on the campus.

I had tried to reach them in time by means of my cellular phone.

But they had forgotten theirs in their dormitory room.

Now I better designed some new deodoriser, one without the naughty side effects.

This would take me a few days.

I needed the help of Cal in order to obtain the appropriate ingredients for the chemicals.

Mindy Crenshaw offered to help me as well.

I watched the campus from a window of my foyer.

Logan and Michael were crossing the campus, wearing nothing but some plastic sacks from the custodian's closet.

Of course, my deodorisaer was able to disolve the plastic, too.

I counted down the minutes. "Five … four … three … two".


Logan and Michael were now buck naked. They stood in the centre of the campus, totally bewildered.

The surrounding kids laughed at them.

Michael was deeply ashamed.

I called Chase Bartholomew Matthews on his cellular phone and told him to take care of his perversely stupid room mates, viz. Logan Reese and Michael Barret.

My upgraded and improved deodoriser would be ready like three days later.

Alas, my firm, i.e. Qualitech, was not really able to produce it.

But our CEO had got some very good connections to the CEO of "Grizzly Industries"[[63]] in Bakersfield, the most influential player of California's chemical industry.

"Grizzly" was ready to produce my deodoriser and distribute it commercially. They were already producing glues, paints, cosmetics, and many other things.

Alas, the root of the problem was the skunk on the campus.

I pondered, "A skunk would be a cool pet, wouldn't it?" I was already hosting a few other little pets, such as a rat, a king snake, and a bird spider.

I had to ponder this …

Chapter 21. Frenzy

21.1. Stupid Web Show

Chase Bartholomew Matthews and Michael Barret had got one stupid idea. They wanted to run their own web show.

It would serve particularly for the purpose of promoting their siongs and their home made toons.

And their first songs had been really horrible. They improved over time, though.

Some of the content, however, was just plain stupid and suckish, way too embarrassing for even being mentioned.

And "suckish" is not even a word.

The worst part of the show was their technical incompetence.

Chase and Michael had not got a trace of a clue concerning the usage of a web camera.

There was no technical producer willing to help them.

I could have done so.

Likewise, Wayne Gilbert, Mindy Crenshaw, or Miles Brody would have qualified.

But the horribly embarrassing contents of the show were a hell of an obstacle.

And I had not got too much time to waste.

Wayne would only have participated in the case of Chase and Michael making toons in the likeness of his beloved Marvel and DC comics.[[64]]

All I could do for them was providing them with some sort of automatic web camera.

Of course, this sort of device was severely limited in its possibilities. It could not hold a candle to a camera operated and fine tuned by a skilled technical producer.

Fore example, I had recently assembled a very powerful and sensitive web camera for aforementioned Fredward Benson.

Freddie was learning totally fast.

Now compare that with those dumb creeps named Chase and Michael!

Anyone with a functional mind would have shuddered for disgust.

21.2. Hypnosis

I was still looking for a way to prevent Sam from hankering after decent boys, especially Zoey's little brother.

Fortunately, Nicole was hankering after all sorts of cute boys.

Usually she would have been pleased by this beyond any reason.

But now her compulsive demeanour had started interfering strongly with her ability to concentrate on school work.

Three cute boys, viz. Harry Matthau, Daniel James, and Lance McCallister[[65]] da were sitting in front of her in the lessons for mathematics.

This was a plain horror trip.

Lola Martinez had got a great idea.

At the beginning of her acting lessons, she had been distracted by many things.

In order to make her more concentrated on her rôles, Mr. Sikowitz, her former teacher for acting, had ordered the deployment of hypnotical suggestion.

This had worked out well.

21.3. He says, she says.

Chase's and Michael's excessively lame web show was only seen by half a dozen of viewers, and it was sternly critisised by our school's newspaper, Daily Stingray, the work of Jeremiah Trottman.

Another harsh badmouther was their own room mate, Logan Reese.

Zoey Brooks, when present during the recordings, was no help either. And she often started having arguments with the disgusting jerk.

This demeanour got them banned from their dormitory room during the sessions.

But then a miracle happened.

According to Jeremiah Trottman, the controversial discussion between the ruthless dandy and the haughty Mary Sue had added a lot of flavour to the web show, making it worthy of watching.

Banning Zoey and Logan was of course so longer an issue.

Their disputes were the main attraction of Chase And Michael Show.

21.4. Nicole's Grandpa

Using Cal's excellent works on the measuring of the human subconscious, already source for my experimental research of somnambulism, I developed a technique for influencing Nicole hypnotically.

Nicole would no longer see those guys as cute boys, but as her own shriveling teethless grandpa.

OK, maybe that was a bit disgusting.

But it worked.

Unfortunately, there was no way for limiting this substitution to school classes.

Now I was already thinking about something working for Sam.

21.5. Turmoil

I had just rewired the plasma screen out in our lounge.

This allowed many kids to watch the impending session of The Chase And Michael Show altogether.

The kids were talking all the time about the controversal topics disputed by Zoey and Logan.

Of course, they could not stay unemotional and distanced.

It usually started to degenerate into a general battle between the boys and the girls.

Even worse, the kids started carrying the disoputes over to their classes.

I could have stayed out of this.

It was a lot of fun watching all those disgusting fools arguing over irrelevant crap.

Buit the noise would kill me.

Even more, Dean Rivers would sooner or later have been bothered by the disturbing noise during the classes. He would have called for censorship on the campus.

This was not my goal.

But what to do?

I could have thrown my sonic bomb and make them all pass out. Or I could have shattered a test tube filled with my pink somniferic coconut flavour.

But this was not really a lot of fun.

I decided to use hypnotical influence as well.

21.6. Mass Suggestion

I carried along with me a particular sort of megaphone. It late me talk in a hypnotising manner to many people at the same time.

There seemed to be a lot of mayhem in the current classes of Mr. Bender.

The controversies forwarded by Zoey and Logan were the only plausible reason for all that.

I panted heavily and started talking, "OK, the discussions of Zoey Brooks and Logan Reese are very stimulating. But hence you will always think of cute bunnies when hearing Zoey and Logan talk!" I sighed deeply.

The noise level went down pretty fast.

Unfortunately, most pupils would soon get bored by Chase's and Michael's show.

And the lack of a suitable tech producer meant a slow death for them, anyways.

Thus Chase and Michael decided to drop the mess and submit their toons to Toon Juice, a specialised site for publishing cartoons.

Their songs would soon be heard in PCA News Channel as background music.

21.7. Rotten Fish And Fried Chicken

Poor Nicole was now not able to date any of the three cute boys even after classes.

So there had been a strong downside to the whole technique.

But I decided to deploy this strategy also in te case of Sam Puckett.

From now on, Sam would no longer see Dustin Brooks as a boy, but as a rotting fish from Kazu's trash bin.

As Fredward Benson had been the initial cause of her troubles, I also added a second suggestion. "Instead of Freddie, you will now always see fried chicken."

What would that result in?

I did not know.

But it would sure be a lot of fun.

Chapter 22. Fight For The Rooftop

22.1. Chicken Pox

Due to the high concentration of kids, typical kids' diseases were spreading like wildfire on our campus.

This time, an epidemic wave of chicken pox was striking our campus hard.

Dustin Brooks was one of the earliest victims of the perverse virus. He had to be taken to the infirmary.

Fortunately, Zoey had already overcome that disease a few years ago. Thus she was allowed to visit her little brother.

Dustin might otherwise have suffered a lot more. He was not admitting to it, but he really needed Zoey at least on and off.

Doc Hollywood was not in charge with the whole mess.

For that reason, I could not do officially anything to stop the epidemic catastrophe.

So I had to decide on whether to keep on some research on my own and work in the underground or to let it be.

After some long conversation with Cal and with Doc Hollywood, my decision changed in favour of developing the perfect medication against chicken pox.

22.2. The Boys' Roof

Many of us kids loved to relax on the roof top after the lessons.

But thsi was only possible on the top of "Maxwell Hall", the boys' dormitory hall.

Our dormitory hall had obviously got a roof, too.

But it was by no means well suited for such a purpose.

The main culprit was a large tree, some giant oak, growing next to "Brenner Hall".

This had got two excessively unpleasant consequences.

The tree sheltered Californian giant squirrels.

The excrements of the furry and bushy rodents caused some disgusting stench, worse than the skunk's stink.

Some of the girls were afraid of squirrels.

The dense newtorks of twigs, leaves, and branches of the tree blocked out a lot of the sun light.

This was especially the case during the afternoon hours.

And that was, as aforementioned, the main time for us kids seeking a place for relaxing.

There were several ways to help with the first of the two consequences.

The aforementioned stench killer was already powerful enough to neutralise the bad odor of the excrements of squirrels.

By the way, the skunk was now safely giarding my secret laboratory.

Especially certain brainless boys were no longer willing to risk an encounter with those cute and furry mammals.

Likewise, I would have been able to try hypnosis in order to relieve the fears of certain girls concerning giant squirrels.

Of cours, the experiences with hypnotical suggestions made recently were not exactly encouraging to most of the girls.

Nicole was not exactly willing to undergo a second treatment of the aforementioned sort. "I don't want to see all the giant squirrels as cute boys, and vice versa!"

Another possibility would have been one of turning around the sword'a tip and cover the oak with an odor detrimental for the senses of squirrels.

But the problem of the oak's shadow was not easy to get by with.

The huge tree was protected by environmentalists.

Nothing like that would have been necessary in the case of the boys allowing us girls to their roof.

But this was no longer the case.

Logan Reese had incited other boys, including particularly worthless Chase Bartholomew Matthews, into denying us girls any access to their roof.

Chase was even mean enough to destroy Lola's new boom box on purpse.

According to Logan Reese, boys needed a place for themselves.

This was impossible in the presence of boys.

Of course that was pure nonsense.

Logan Reese was such a completely perverted idiot and reckless liar.

Truth said, boys were not really boys except in the presence of girls.

Negotiating with exorbitantly stubborn idiots such as Logan Reese was of no avail.

We girls could have excluded the boys in turn from our lounge.

The boys envied us for it.

The lounge of "Brenner Hall" had been rebuilt and modernised during the last summer break.

But Nicole Bristow was rigorously opposed to doing so. She would have missed out on too many cute boys by the rigorous execution of such a verdict.

22.3. Cross Dressing

Lola wanted to transvestite herself as a boy. This time, she wanted to prove Chase and Logan totally wrong. She was the perfect actress.

Cross acting was a very popular standard practice for young actors.

Lola had learned it from aforementioned Mr. Sikowitz, her former teacher for acting.

Of course there was enough material necessary for such a task in the costume storage of the drama club.

But Lola needed also a fake identity in order to stay for several nights in one of the boys' dormitory rooms, best that of Logan and Chase.

In order to get her the fake papers with a fake signature of Dean Rivers, I would have needed to use a trick learned from Samantha Puckett.

The blond demon had learned from some family members to fake money with the help of a colour printer.[[66]].

But this job required a lot of care.

I would also have been needed for providing Lola with micro chips and a wireless transponder.

This equipment would have enabled us girls to follow and watch each of Lola's actions in the boys' formitory room.

But my work on the perfect medication against the chicken pox left me with no time for those stupid games.

Zoey was bitterly disappointed for not getting things her way.

But it was for the better of her own little brother.

Of course, Zoey was extremely suspicious towards my means of medication.

22.4. Power Medication

A few days later my research was showing a bunch of first results.

I was now ready to try the medications on the infected kids. I was not allowed into the nurses' station because of nott yet having been exposed to that disease.

This prevented me from going there and having direct access to Dustin.

In addirtion, Dustin Brooks seemed to enjoy his "vacations" in the infirmary.

This was due to the new younger and nicer nurse, viz. Sharon[[67]] .

The old grumpy and perverted nurse was still responsible for the high school kids.

This was little inviting, too.

But there was a way around.

Dustin's room mate Jack had already overcome the chicken pox. He was thus permitted to pass to the sick kids in the nurses' station.

I gave him a sample of the medication, complete with precise instructions concerning its usage.

22.5. Consequences

Dustin was healthy again, just a few hours after the probable consumption of my invention.

The medic appeared to have been a plain success.

But there was a downside.

Upon people not having yet been exposed to the virus of the chicken pox, it inflicted an otherwise very rare skin desease known as "derma temiculitis[[68]]".

This illness was charcterised by turning the skin of hand and feet all green.

And I had been curious enough to take from this medication.

It smelled so nice.

The only known successful treatments were based on extracts from the excrements of lizards.

I had got a king snake, Marvin.

Snakes and lizards were remotely related.

I thus tried to extract the necessary chemicals from Marvin's excrements.

That was one ugly mess, inspite of finally serving the appropriate purpose.

Doc Hollywood was very interested in my research, as he was in Sharon, the new nurse.

I definitely had to work on it, just as on a new plan for making our roof top useful for the students in the late afternoon.

Chapter 23. Incinerated

23.1. Robot War League

As aforementioned, we girls were still excluded from the science club.

Wayne Gilbert, its captain, was rude and maniac. He had enrolled the club for the war robot league.

This was a contest for teqams building battle robots fightingeach other to the death.

At firts glance, I deemed them too harmful.

But then Zoey talked me into building a robote for them. She was also disgusted by Wayne's arrogance.

Technically, this should not have been much of a problem.

Using some hints and compounds from Cal, I started assembling some robot with a little laser gun.

The droid would have been even much smaller than the prescribed maximum size.

I was working very carefully.

Alas, Logan Reese, the sponsor of the robot, made stupid remarks, calling me a spaz.

Now I felt insulted.

Well, one could not expect any better from that uttermost perverted sheik.

But Zoey, Lola, and Michael at least laughed along with him.

This was too much.

I told them off. "Make your own robot!"

Zoey tried to call me back.

But it was too late.

23.2. Ridiculous Attempt

Zoey had not given up. Following the suggestion of Chase bartholomew Matthews, she was now going to ask for the help of Miles Brody.

The latter probably knew all books in the library by heart.

But this did not give him any practice in engineering.

The book monger would thus fail miserably.

I was now working with Mindy on an improvement of our warrior droid.

Mindy encouraged me to keep on working on them.

Sooner or later, the boys will give in.

And then the kids will want us to be the new team.

Other schools in California have got teams, too.

And we will have to answer their "Who's da boss?"

I sighed deeply.

Alas, Mindy Crenshaw had got even more personal motivations.

Her former school, "Belleview", had also got a team in the robot league.

The captain of the team was nobody other than Mindy's one-sided ex crush, Joshuah Nichols, already mentioned as Drake Parker's step brother.

This would be Mindy's unique occasion to get back at the ungrateful "boob".

Josh had always preferred to hang out with ruthless jerk Drake Parker instead of with her.

And there had to be a high price for him to pay.

Now, as expected, Miles Brody was not really able to build a successful war robot.

Our time to shine was still coming, though.

Mindy had invented the hyperbolic photon cannon.

Her first attempts were powerful enough to fire holes into a brick wall.

But there was one problem.

The cannon did not fit into the size limits.

We had to compromise a bit.

Mindy grinned. "This baby will not just blow Wayne's useless droid into smithereens. It will also rip his abdominal excesses off." She cackled.

I wondered, "abdominal excesses?"

Mindy nodded solemnly. "That crap growing between boys' legs." She chuckled.

I replied. "Oh that … that sounds really cool!"

We hi fived merrily.

23.3. Obliterated

Zoey still sobbed upon the tragic loss of her useless attempt of a warrior robot built by Miles Brody.

Now Mindy and I showed up on the scene.

Firewire was still cackling. "That funny baby toy is no match!"

I shrugged.

Mindy stuck both thumbs up for me. "Go, Quinn!"

I closed my eyes, panted heavily, and started pushing the button.

Flashes of lightening shot forth from the muzzle of our combat droid.

Two seconds later, Wayne's machine was just a smoldering pile of metal and plastic.

Wayne looked consternated.

I hi fived with Mindy. "Boys and science just don't go together."

Mindy nodded solemnly.

Wayne and his pals started weeping.

23.4. A Blatant Rebuttal

Zoey tried to make up with me.

They had repaired their worthless trash heap and stuffed some flowers on top of it.

But, really, flowers are just toilets for bugs and flies.

I had seen that coming and talked about it to Mindy.

She had adviced me to refrain from forgiving them. "Those stupiders are no better than Drake Parker, really."

I nodded solemnly.

Logan's deed was not to be forgiven, not in this life and not in any other.

And Zoey was not to be forgiven for siding twith the ruthlessly perverse dandy.

Zoey, Lola, Chase, and Michael were creeping on their knees, like worthless little bugs.

But it was too late.

Without Mindy's wonderful support, I would have turned weak and forgiven those fools.

But now I knew it better.

Sometimes a girl had to do what a girl had to do.

And for me, this time was right here, right now.

The blond Mary Sue was not yet accustomed to rebuttal. Thus she was feeling like struck and incinerated by a flash of lightening.

Oh, Nicole Bristow was not with them?

Well, Miles Brody had of course required some sort of payment for helping with the robot.

And this payment consisted in Nicole Bristow, rather a date with her.

The poor bimbo wench was now going through the torture of her life.

That's the award for hanging out with Zoey Brooks.

Never again!

23.5. The League

Everyone expected us to be the new official team for the robot league.

But we had not been enrolled at the beginning of the contest.

There was only one way for us to participate.

We needed to get invited by Wayne Gilbert to join his team. But did we even want that?

That was a very tough question at least.

We needed sometime to think about it.

After the duel, he was hardly in a position of keeping us out.

The mass of students wanted us to represent the school in the league of war robots.

Could I really forgive Wayne, but not forgive Logan?

Well, there was a difference.

Wayne had learned hard for acquiring his technological competence.

Logan had never done anything in order to merit his loose mouth and his credit card.

Time was pressing.

The hardest matches in the robot league were still to come.

There was the team of Mindy's former school, and there squad from "James K. Polk".

The latter was hitherto told to be invincible.

Wayne sighed deeply. He begged for our pardon.

Now I wanted to be at least the captain of the science club.

Wayne nodded solemnly. "We were wrong, you are not girls, but cyborgs, thus you may participate."

I grinned.

That sounded good.

This way, I could determine the equipment and usage of the scientifiec laboratory of Pacific Coast Academy.

Mindy had got a request, too.

Wayne shrugged. "What is it?"

Mindy glared directly at Wayne. "Kiss me, you dork!"

Wayne went pale. He started stammering.

Mindy grabbed him and pulled him into a kiss.

Wayne Gilbert blushed a shade of blazing crimson. He floundered and reeled.

Mindy released her grip. "OK! We have to work on that, though."

I giggled.

But we had to concentrate on the match against the team of "Belleview", consisting of Josh Nichols, Eric Blonowitz, and Craig Ramirez.

Their robot would already be a first really hard challenge.

Were we up to it?

It had to be attempted.

Chapter 24. The Trombone

24.1. Lola's Tutor

Lola appeared to have trouvbles with her biology classes.

Mr. Rudolph[[69]], our teacher for biology, had urged her to look for a tutor.

And Zoey Brooks suggested her to ask Chase.

That was really dumb.

Chase could not even spell "biology".

Alas, Lola seemed to like the suggestion.

Lola's face twittered, "it works better than expected."

It would not have been my business.

But Lola and Zoey had already treated me like dirt. They did not deserve any better.

I decided to get at the bottom of Lola's need for tutoring.

24.2. Brass Wind

I had started learning to play the trombone already back in Seattle.

Samantha Puckett had been my fellow student.

This way, I had come to performing surgeries on her mother.

But that was not really important.

Unfortunately, Sam was way too lazy to take so much breath before blowing the brass wind.

Thus I was about inventing the automatic trombone.

This would take me quite some time.

Cal had given me some instructions.

The standard materials for brass wind instruments could not be used.

I needed to wait for some special metal ores from Transsylvania.

Also, I needed to mix some acids and reduction helpers for extracting the raw metal from the ore.

This was a process requiring an insane amount of care and fine tuning.

24.3. Flowers And Bees

I unzipped the bag containing my quinnoculars.

It was te ideal weather for spying on Chase and Lola.

There was something severely wrong with them.

There topic appeared to be flowers and bees.

This was very alerting.

It was not a topic for high school classes in biology, but for fifth or sixth graders, such as Dustin or Samantha. And it was a very touchy subject.

So, Lola and Chase were now talking about the birds and the bees and the flowers and the bees.

And the incredible happened.

Lola asked Chase for a date.

That was so disgusting.

Lola was into hot, kissable guys like Orlando Bloom, and not into bushy dweebs.

Chase was nowhere near her taste.

And the topic of tutoring was fertilisation and insemination.

So, Lola was obviously in a seductive mood. But why did she choose some totally unattractive guy as her target? She had not been hit by a football as of recent and got her brain cell mixed up?

The thing stank at the speed of light from north pole to southpole and back again.

24.4. Logan Teaches Dustin

But Lola was not the only one in need of extracurricular lessons.

Dustin Brooks had been asking Logan Reese for lessons in womanising.

That was terrible.

One Logan Reese on the campus was already worth than pestillence and famine together. And now he started teaching his waysd to other boys.

Dustin heard me tuning the trombone.

I was trying to blow some jazz tune with the freshly retuned brass reed.

Dustin told e, "there are better things, and there are also worse things."

This was really rudes after several weeks of hard work.

Logan and Dustin were now off to some dounle date with some totally hapless girls.

I kept on trying to adjust the trombone.

24.5. Chase dates Lola

Lola and Chase were meeting for another date. They were certainly up to some dirty and perverse things.

I had to examine the situation closely and intervene in the right moment.

Today, they were again in the botanic garden of the school.

Chase had prepared some work sheets for Lola, using a colour orinter. Without my help, the dweeb would never have been able to learn to use such a device.

Lola liked the lessons.

As a playwright, Chase had started writing a script featuring a brilliant student opf biology.

Lola was the main actress of the play.

Of course, this would not work out in reality.

Written tests in biology are completely different from theater plays.

But Chase lived in the illusion of them being the same.

Lola was now talking seductively about insemination of plants. She closed her eyes and started wrapping her arms around shicereing Chase.

That went too far.

I took my trombone and started playing a terrifying tune.

Lola and Chase looked consternated. "Quinn?"

I growled, "so, that's what you call tutoring about flowers and bees?" I reminded Chase about the fact of their topic being from an elementary school text book.

Chas egrowled, "Lola? What is this supposed to mean?"

The drama queen went pale and ran away.

Chase wanted to follow her. But he was too slow and unattentive. Thus he ran into the next tree.

The world went dark before Chase's eyes.

24.6. The Explanation

The next day, I called my cousin Camille on the phone.

She cackled hysterically. "Oh, I can make sense of Lola's demeanour." She was an actress as well.

Thus I was not really surprised.

But what wasthe reason?

Camille explained, "verily, Lola is auditioning for the show I Kissed A Dweeb."

I gasped deeply.

That should havebeen so obvious.

Lola is the perfect actress. She may easily act in a way making Chase believe in her "feelings" for him.

It was all but acting practice.

Camille had already fooled me a few times with her rehearsals.

Whatever, everything was now clear to me.

24.7. Sandy Baldwin[[70]]

Logan had selected the Baldwin sisters, viz. Sandy and Tracy, for the double date. He had advised Dustin to treat the girls like dirt.

But Dustin had started seeing this wrong. He thus refused to insult his date mate Sandy.

Tracy was totally disgusted by the abominable dandy's ruthless perversity. When looking for a movie to watch together, she decided on Jerk In The Fountain. Then she pushed Logan into the campus fountain.

The sheik, inspite of being the son of a great Hollywood producer, was not even aware of the existence of such a movie.

There was none.

Sandy and Dustin started dating.

Alas, some things made me woinder.

Sandy was pretty much the nice girl next door, the girl always envisioned by Zoey for her little brother.

Was that an accident?

Knowing Zoey, I had grown suspicious.

The blond Mary Sue must have had something up her sleeve and manipulated Dustin into dating a girl of her choice.

Ok, I could not prove this.

But the situation stank like rotting tuna.

For the time being, I preferred to let it be and continued my research on the perfect automatic trombone for Samanatha Puckett.

Chapter 25. Sunny

25.1. Spring Break

It was now the time for the spring break of Pacific Coast Academy.

Malcolm Reese had invited several boys and several girls, exactly four of each sort, to his summer residence over in the county of Santa Barbara.

The boys were Michael Barret, Chase Bartholomew Matthews, Dustin Brooks, and, of course, his son Logan.

The girls were Zoey Brooks, Lola Martinez, Nicole Bristow, and Sandy Baldwin.

Originally, I had been on the list for the excursion to Santa Barbara.

But my aforementioned troubles with Zoey's gang, since my first activity for the war robot league, were still flagrant.

The atmosphere was as cold as the eternal ice of the antarctic region.

Zoey had thereupon suggested to invite Sandy Baldwin to Santa Barbara in order to let Dustin spend more time with her.

By the way, Logan Reese had got a really big limousine.

There were bigger ones, though.

But now they were gone.

The campus of Pacific Coast Academy was certainly better off without them, at least for a few days.

Malcolm had insisted in the exact numer of kids. He was probably up to making a surprise movie with them.

Well, maybe it was better not to be seen too often with this ungrateful mob, especially on TV.

25.2. Frazz[[71]]

There were quite a few things for me to do during the summer break.

I had recently invented some very powerful softdrink named "Frazz", brewed from a large variety of quite natural ingredients.

It was totally blue, more than even turquoise or cobalt ultramarine. Alas, it was quite a bit too powerful. In the wrong hands, it would have turned into an excruciatingly dangerous weapon.

Before distributing it, I had to tune it a bit down, but without making it lose its exquisite taste.

Cal was here by my side in order to help with the outrageously tricky task.

The blue colour was due to some of the very rare natural ingredients provided by him.

Of course, some people of the Lola Martinez sort of girls did not even believe in naturally blue food.

But they were totally wrong.

Cal was now assisting me with the experiments concerning Frazz.

We had to be very careful.

I counted the drops of the cipholic[[72]] acid to be added to some of the other ingredients.

That rare ingredient was from the excrements of certain lizards.

I had already used it for curing derma temiculitis.

The output from Marvin's digestion would not have been powerful enough for Frazz.

Now Cal could finally add the blue ingredient.

It was the most important and most valuable one.

Now I needed to blend the liquids by shaking the test tube a bit, just a little bit …


The test tube had blown up and burst into microscopic smithereens.

Frazz was now splattering all over the laboratory.

Cal sighed deeply.

We had to restart everything.

25.3. The Roof

During the winter, the arguments over the top of the roof of "Maxwell Hall" had never stopped.

And the absence of the gang, well, of most of the students, from the campus was the perfect occasion for improving the roof top of "Brenner Hall".

Along with Cal, I had made some interesting plans.

The chemical necessary for neutralising the stink caused by giant squirrels roaming the trees on the campus was now rigged and ready to be deployed.

Unfortunately, squirrel excrements were not in any way useful for improving Frazz. Maybe they would be good for other things?

I decided to keep an eye on it.

The major problem was the shadow provioded by the massive tree and its branches.

Granted, in summer times, this was occasionally welcome.

But in the winter season, each sun ray counted.

Cal circumspected the situation of the roof top. "It is certainly possible to redirect the sunlight by means of mirrors and lenses."

I suddenly remembered the good old times of Archimedes, king of Sicily.

The genius had used convex parabolic mirrors in order to redirect sun beems, focus them, and set targets ablaze.

I fancied the possibility of getting the butts of certain kids into the focus of the parabolic mirrors.

That would have been too funny.

Cal and I started immediately making plans for the establishment and the control of the mirrors.

Unfortunately, the spring break would be way too short for the installation.

In addition, we needed to get the approval of Dean Rivers.

Such a huge mirror impantantion was impossible to hide from the public.

And we needed some campus workers for the dirt work.

Joe Braxley was certainly suited for the dirt work.

I had also heard about a very versatile custodian of nearby "James K. Polk" school.

Robert Gordon[[73]] was one of the best custodians of the county. He was probably only available during the summer break.

I had to be fast.

Cal counterchecked my sketches. "Perfect!"

This would be the best parabolic mirror, ever!

25.4. Mixing

The research on Frazz had to continue.

I remembered my pink essential oil with the flavour of coconuts, and the strongly dormitive effect.

Frazz was energising.

The pink oil was tiring.

Mixing them would lead to ...

Cal was ready to start the experiment. "Five … four … three … two …" He started sniffling. "Quinn? Since when have you got a monozygotic twin sister? No, three of them … sseven …"

I choked. "Hells bells!"

The mixture caused severe hallucinations.

Cal understood it now. "Sorry, I must have seen you multiple times." Maybe he could not get enough of me?

I must have been really awesome.

Just dumb people like Zoey's gang failed to see that.

OK, the idea of blending the liquids may have been great.

But it was not without serious problems.

Of course I would not give up that easily.

Unfortunately, there was already some sort of side effect.

The giant squirrels must have licked from the remains of the exploded tube of Frazz and become a lot stromger.

And their teeth were so sturdy.

And they had got those claws.

I was better off hiding until the expiration of the effect of the energy drink.

This could take two or three … or maybe four or five …

Chapter 26. Tek Mate

26.1. End Of Vacations

Zoey Brooks and the gang were finally back from their excursion to Santa Barbara.

Malcolm Reese had used them for shooting the pilot of a new game show.

It would be shown pretty soon on TV.

The name of the show was Gender Defenders.

Gender Defenders was a game between a boy' and a girls' team, consisting of four members each.

But this was not really easy.

According to chitchat spread by Nicole and Lola, Chase had stolen Zoey's tek mate in order to make the girls lose.

I wondered, "what is a tek mate?"

Nicole showed me some funny cellular phone.

I shrugged.

Ech of the kids had been given one.

Those fancy handheld phones had been used as a means of communication between team members during the contest.

This would teach me to never trust boys again, especially dorks like Chase Bartholomew Matthews.

The latter seemed to have sent accidentally some message to Zoey, a message destrined for someone else. And he had needed to delete it.

I did not really get to know about the content of the message.

But it must have been something very disturbing.

26.2. Broadcasting

The pilot of Gender Defenders was now shown on Malcolm Reese's game channel.

Kids were gathering in the foyers in order to watch it.

I could not force myself to watch it completely.

The thought of blond Mary Sue Zoey Brooks as a movie star made me gag and throw up every now and then.

I walked around the campus foutain, singing

I'll be coming 'round the fountain when I come
I'll be coming 'round the fountain when I come
I'll be coming 'round the fountain
I'll be coming 'round the fountain
I'll be coming 'round the fountain when I come

Suddenly, a little earthquake was felt.

It wasn't bad.

But a few small items were moved around.

Dustin was nearby. He looked at the fountain. "That is Zoey's tek mate!"

I shrugged.

Dustin certainly knew it better. He was now up to pickimg the device up and return it to his elder sister.

But it was too late.

The cellular phone slipped into the water.

Dustin looked consternated. "It is destroyed!" He sobbed. "And she liked it so much."

I sighed. "Maybe I can repair and restore it."

Dustin glared at me. "Really?"

In fact, I had never ever even touched a tek mate. But I had already been able to repair other cellular phones.

Maybe it was even possible to restore the messages?

I could not promise anything whatsoever, though.

26.3. Lost Messages

The classes had not yet restarted.

Thus visitors were still tolerated during class time.

For this avail, Cal had been able to visit me in my secret laboratory.

And I desperately needed his help.

Cal grinned. "I haveinvented the tek mates!"

I choked, "Really?"

He had never told me.

Well, it was only true in a certain sense.

Cal explained, "not the whole device, but some parts of the firmware have been programmed with my help. It is also found in other elctronic devices."

Well, that was still a lot.

I had screwed each and every wire and every chip loose.

Cal inspected it carefully. "OK, these chips may be restored. But I need some rare silicon alloys only found in the deserts of Guadalapecho."

That looked still promising.

Even more, Cal was convinced of being able to recover lost messages to some degree.

26.4. Chase Loves Zoey

Hours later, Cal had returned with the requested rare material in hands.

This allowed me to patch the defect chips.

Cal checked, "over ninety percent of the memory can be recovered."

That was quite some relief.

Maybe some of Zoey';s hitherto undread messages were still readable?

I attached teh cellular phone to my laptop in order to be able to inspect things better.

And there it was:

One unread message was on the phone.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews had sent it to Zoey Brooks.

I was hesitating.

Was it OK to open and read the message?

Cal grinned. "That's your choice!"

I sighed deeply. I closed my eyes and panted. Then I opened them again while pushing magical buttons.

And there was the message, plain and simple: "I LOVE YOU".

Given Zoey's demeanour during the last two years, the content of the message was not surprising.

But Chase had already had many occasions to tell Zoey in person.

Why did it have to be a text messaging service?

The question of questions was of course:

How would the blond Mary Sue react?

26.5. Zoey's Reply

I walked into "101 Brenner Hall" and gave Zoey the repaired cellular phone. "There's one new message, from Chase."

Lola gasped. "Fron Chase? What could it be?" She giggled. She knew of course about Chase's insane obsession.

Nicole just giggled and started making bubbly remarks.

Zoey told her roomies to shut up.

Nicole dsobbed. "Ouch!"

Lola whispered innocently.

Zoey poked the drama queen. Then she read her message. "WQhat?" She rubbed her eyes.

Nicole grabbed the device. "Wow! I would not have thought that." But she revised her opinion soon. "Aw, I've always known it!"

Zoey looked twice, even thrice.

The message was still the same.

Nicole and Lola were totally excited.

Zoey did not look exactly pleased. "Hekllo? I live on the same campus as chase." She panted. "Our ways cross every day."

Lola shrugged. "And so?"

Zoety explained, "Chase could have told me in person, over and over again. Why does he need to use his tek mate for that avail?"

Lola and Nicole shrugged.

Zoey decided, "sorry, but I won't believe him that." She insisted in Chase showing up in person and tell her straight into her face.

The message appeared to make any latent things between Chase and Zoey even worse.

Zoey explained, "he has stolen my cellular pphone. Does he think to be able to make up for that with such a lie? He must be joking!" She shook her hewad.

Poor Chase!

Well, was the idea of repairing Zoey's broken Tek Mate really a good one or rather the begin of dystopia at Pacific Coast Academy?

Time would tell.

Chapter 27. Fiery Surprise

27.1. Smoked Tuna

Zoey and her gang used to hang out a lot at "Sushi Rox", the Japanese bar on our campus run by Kazu.

I did not like that too much, and I was no longer member of that gang, anyways. Thus I preferred hanging out with Mindy in our laboratory.

Being members of the science club allowed us to use this one officially.

Most of our experiments were now performed in there, exceot those with dubious ingredients, such as all the pulverised uranium Cal had organised in some more and more tricky manner.

I did not really want to talk about those.

Now it was already late at night.

I had to return to "Maxwell Hall".

But what was that?

A stench of burning fish drifted across the campus.

This had to come from "Sushi Rox".

Fire alerts rang out.

The fire brigades, commanded remotely by one chief Donker[[74]], were already on their way.

The situation appeared under control.

Along with Mindy, I decided anyways to return to the laboratory and brew some fire blocker, just in case.

We were not allowed to get any closer to "Sushi Rox".

But our task was now that of protecting other buildings.

A few minutes later, it became evident:

There was no way to savew the equipment of "Sushi Rox".

This was devastating for many kids.

27.2. Beyond Repair

The next morning, we could visit the ruins of former "Sushi Rox".

It was very creepy.

And the culprits were the kids from Zoey's gangs.

The reports said:

Zoey Brooks was ordering tempurah rolls just a few minutes before curfew.

Otherwise, Kazu would not have had to rekindle the stove.

Waiter Chase had to deliver some more sushi to customers.

There were quite a few packages of sushi left.

Chase took too many at the same time.

There were those staircases in his way.

Careless Chase did not move appropriately and stumbled, releasing some stupid guy.

Kazu had come to see after his sushi.

Logan, Michael, Lola, and Nicole had to look after Chase.

Nobody was left at the stove.

This was fatal.

A few moments later, it was too late.

The kitchen was set ablaze.

Worse than everything else:

Kazu had not got an insurance for "Sushi Rox".

His last cash reserves had been incinerated, too.

Thus it was impossible for him to rebuild the bar.

This was the end for Japanese food at Pacific Coast Academy.

Kazu was now up to returning to Birmingham in Alabama, his sweet home.

Most kids were sad.

27.3. Restoring The Bar

Over a dozen of thousands of bucks would have been necessary in order to restore "Sushi Rox".

Logan could have paid this easily. But he deemed Chase and Zoey the main culprits, after all. The disgusting jerk would never ghive them the bucks without anything in turn.

My idea was that of cloning little babies and selling them.

Minxdy Crenshaw had won the regional science fair by cloning puppies.

From there, it was just a little step to cloning human babies.

Unfortunately, some particularly ruthless and decadent idiots like Michael Barret were opposed to any scientific progress.

The gang of fools excluded me from their reunion after hearing my precious suggestion. On the long run, they would not get away with their abominably stubborn demeanour.

27.4. A Sponsor

Zoey would organise a people auction in order to make the necessary bucks for the restoration of "Sushi Rox".

I did not want to participate in such a lame activity.

There had to be a better way.

Mindy reminded me of my company, Qualitech.

I gasped. "You are so right!"

Qualitech was certainly able to sponsor the rebuilding of the sushi bar.

I took my cellular phone and called Mr. Savage on site.

He had hurt from his friend, Mr. Bender, about the catastrophic incident. he pitiesd us for the situation.

The firm was willing to sponsior thereconstruction of the pub.

But there had to be a few conditions.

First, "Sushi Rox" would have to make advertisements for Qualitech.

That sounded somewhat fair.

The second condition was harder to meet:

Kazu would need to show up with a fire insurance.

Well, this was at least to be expected.

Unfortunately, insurance companies were most likely to require high fees just after such an accident.

That was due to the high risk.

All insurance providers needed to weigh the risks.

And those at such a school like Pacific Coast Academy were apparently very high.

27.5. Reducing The Risk

Mr. Savage had talked to the manger of "Safe & Secure", one of the leading insurance companies of Los Angeles.

The fees woiuld be totally high, indeed.

I was not really an expert for economy.

But the numbers were clear.

However, there were a few backdoors left in order to decrease the fees.

One of them was the possibility of improving the fire alert system and diminishing the inflammability of the materials used on the campus.

Another one was that of a competent cook.

Kazu was not a holder of a license from the national cooking board.

I needed to show up with a certified cook.

27.6. Fire Alert System

Wayne and Mindy were an incredibly great help for developing an imporovement of the school's fire alert systems.

The current one was so old fashioned, it was triggered by totally unrelated stuff such as radio waves at certain frequencies.

Those were not deemed an issue before the bloom of wireless data transmission, cellular phones, and similar stuff.

On the other hand, the system did not react to certain types of fire in an appropriate manner.

I was also working in the reduction of the physical possibbilities of fire spreading across the campus.

Certain oldfashioned materials had to be replaced.

Qualitech was about producing some fire stoppers.

This was a good place to start with my research.

Indeed, everything would soon be ready to be deployed right after summer break.

So the technical aspects for a reduction of the insurance fees were now a given.

And there was still one chance to make the fees even lower.

But this was not a challenge for my technological competence.

Rather, it was a probablom of human resources.

I needed to find a certified cook for "Sushi Rox", as soon as only possible, but certainly before the start of the next academic year.

Was this possible for a campus restaurant?

I had to try.

Chapter 28. Otis

28.1. Office Machine

The Week after, I had completed my office machine for Dean Rivers.

The headmaster was too lazy for many simple activities.

Thus I deviced this machine controlled by his voice.

It had got several cool functions.

The command "Door!" opened or closed the front door of the office, depending on its current state.

Dean Rivers liked drinking coffee in his office.

Thus there was also the command "Coffee!"

And on and on and on it went.

Finally, the command "Dog!" was useful for scaring certain intruders away.

This was especially the case for Tipper, the exorbitantly psychopathic wife of Dean Rivers.

And now I had installed the whole thing in the dean's office.

It was my plan to sell the same thing to headmasters of other schools, too.

They were one lazy bunch.

I had already heard stories …

Of course Dean Rivers wanted to test the new machine on site.

It seemed to work pretty well.

Unfortunately, it made the door slam right into Becverly, the secretary of Dean Rivers.

But that was not one of my mistakes.

28.2. My Alpaca

I had just received a chat message from home.

Unfortunately my laptop was about breaking down.

I had to resort to the one in the lounge.

That stank.

The common laptop was based on some lame operational system not invented by me.

I hated that.

OK, the web cam was at least compatible.

Mom and dad were calling from Seattle.

Otis was with them.

As aforementioned, pets were anot allowed at "Pacific Coast Academy".

And Otis was too big to be hidden under a bushel.

I gasped. "What is wrong with Otis?"

Dr. Lang, aforementioned veterinary surgeon, had examined my sweetie. "Otis is depressive."

I looked consternated. I was all of a sudden overcome by a deep sadness, thinking "leaving Otis behind in Seattle was one of my biggest mistakes." I could hardly continue with my life like this.

Otis missed me badly.

Mom promised to take good care of my ostrich.

I gasped, thinking

Otis is an alpaca, not an ostrich.

I had actually also got an ostrich named Marvin[[75]].

But how is it possible for anyone to be stupid enough to confuse an ostrich from an alpaca?

My mother was such an increduibly stupid pervert.

How could my dad ever commit such an excruciatingly bad mistake and marry such an exorbitantly foolish wench?

28.3. Sad Songs[[76]]

Nobody was around to help me.

I was not talking any longer with the stupid gang of Zoey Brooks.

Logan was not better than my decadent mom.

The others could at least tell an ostrich from an alpaca.

But Michael was dumb enough to believe in wild penguins living in Alaska.

Those dudes would not have been able to help me anyways.

I needed to go to Seattle and see Otis.

My life made no sense without him.

Granted, it was not legal for me to leave the campus without the prior permission from Dean Rivers.

Such an audacious action would be punished most likely with suspension, maybe even with expulsion, according to Da Rules, the laws of "Pacific Coast Academy".

It was basically a matter of the insurances.

But was there really such a significantly big difference between being expelled for good from "Pacific Coast Academy" and dying from missing Otis to the death?

I was unable to think clearly. For the time being, I tried to blow away the pain from my soul, using the trombone recently invented, improved, and upgraded.

Maybe this would allow me to come up with some better plan.

So I took my trusted brass wind instrument and strated blowing some sad tunes.

All hopes had disappeared.

Now those melodies said quite a lot.

28.4. Up And Away

I had tried very hard to use the trombone in order to clear my clouded mind.

But it turned out all in vain.

Now I could not help but run away from California and return to Otis.

Of course, most of my belongings were too heavy and too big to come along with me.

I copuld only get a few of them together.

Finally, nothing mattered as much as Otis.

So, what should be done with the rest?

I left some notes for Mindy Crenshaw.

Among all of the pupils at "Pacific Coast Academy", she was the most likely person able to do something reasonable woith my belongings.

Of course, Cal was the most competent of all, but he was now on a field trip to Lawrence laboratories in Frisco in order to visit a synchro cyclotrone.

Mindy and Wayne Gilbert would certainly collaborate with him.

Then I prepared a message to be sent to Mindy automatically after my flight from the campus.

She might otherwise have tried to dissuade me.

But this would have made things even worse.

OK, so how was I supposed to make it to Seattle and thus to Otis?

Unfortunately, there was not yet a transrapid railway from Los Angeles to Seattle.

It had been one of my project of hitherto low urgency.

But, hey! I was a vice president of a big company, viz. Qualitech!

Borrowing the company's jet should not have been too much of a trouble.

I called Mr. Savage in order to charter the jet. "It is for urgent negotiations with our business partners in Seattle."

There were indeed business partners in the state of Washington.

Making up details of such a necessary trip would not have been too dificult.

Fortunately, Mr. Savage did not think about the problem of a missing permission from Dean Rivers. At least he did not do so by now.

Half an hour later, a cab arrived in order to take me to the private airport of Qualitech.

I sobbed when leaving the campus behind me.

But Otis was the most important thing for me by now.

28.5. In The Air

The private jet plane was not very big.

That of the Reese family was certainly like five times huger, at least.

In my normal mental constitution, I would have started to tune the jet and make it fly a lot faster, in order to be with Otiz as soon as possible.

But my depression made this impossible.

Mindy Crenshaw should have received my message by now and started to contact Cal for the details..

Dean Rivers had probably been alerted about my absence, too.

Thus my destiny at "Pacific Coast Academy" was most likely doomed, wasn't it?

Chapter 29. Makes Me Happy

29.1. Seattle

Home sweet home!

Well, almost …

I arrived at the business airport of a few corporations from Seattle, some of them business ppartners of Qualitech.

I had chosen Don Flunken[[77]] as my excuse for using the company's jet.

Flunken was the biggest car vendor of Seattle. He was also our man for selling the first commercially available Jet-X here in Seattle.

I had improved the machines coonsiderably. Thus I deemed myself competent in doing the negotiations.

But Otis was already waiting.

Thus my first priority was that of making it to Otis as fast as only possible.

I crossed the street in order to call for a cab, using my company's credit card.

Of course Otis was not a business partner.

Thus I needed to ealk the last few miles on foot, anyways.

Suddenly my cell phone rang.

I picked it up. "Quinn Pensky …"

It was Melinda Crenshaw. "Hi Quinn! It's urgent!"

OK, I had seen that coming. "Nothing is more urgent than Otis!"

Mindy started talking about the rules and stuff.

You know, you are in severe trouble for breaking the rules by leaving the campus without permission.

Mr. Bender has hear about it from someone important in your corporation. He has to tell Rivers.

But you will also get the chance of a honour council to defend yourself.

I may be your lawyer for that avail.

I sighed. "OK!" But now I needed to hurry for my baby, viz. Otis.

There was absolutely no time to lose.

What did school matter when compared to Otis?

But Mindy was not done.

Dean Rivers has spoiled his office machine.

Now it messes up all the commands.

I have tried to repair it.

But this has not yet worked out.

Even Firewire helped me.

Cal will soon come for a visit and show up with a few reagents.

She begged me to come back soon. "The team needs you for the next robot duels."

This would have been a reason for relief.

But compared to Otis' disease, this did not really matter.

29.2. Sick Alpaca

Finally I had reached the stable of my living treasure.

Otis was alreasy in a delirious state.

But this went soon better.

I read to him from some book saved on my palm top.

Some stupid people would have laughed about it.

But now I had at least to pretend negotiating with Flunken about the Jet-X.

Of course, Otis would come with me. He was now feeling a lot better.

I was really up to crossing the streets of Seattle with Otis by my side.

And nothing could break our stride!

I was alreasdy thinking about a reason.

Alpacas could not be used for riding.

But it would still be a cute mascot for the sales promotion of the Jet-X in Seattle.

Otis was accustomed to cameras and flashing lights.

So there was not much of a problem.

Unfortunately, the depression of Otis would come back, sooner or later after my next departure.

That was really painful.

I had to find something better for the next academic year.

29.3. Honour Council

Mr. Bradford himself was the solicitor at the honour council. And he was really mean looking and requested at least deportation to Siberia.

Fortunately, Mindy Crenshaw had read Da Rules. "I have got a certificate from Doc Hollywould aboutr Quinn's most contagious depression."

I gasped, wondering "how did she get at it?"

Mr. Bradford wonderwed, "and so?"

Mindy growled, "Da Rules allow exceptions in the case of certified diseases, especially contagious ones not handled by our infirmary."

Bradford looked at his own rules. "Dern! Who has written those rules?"

Of course the book was the work of Mr. Bradford and also of his dad before that.

He stomped his feet, causing the ground to shake.

OK, I could not get dismissed for that mistake right now.

But what about Otis?

Sooner or later, the depression would make it impossible for me to stay at a school so far away from my sweetie.

29.4. The Battle

Today, we had to face the team of "Belleview", Mindy Crenshaw's old school.

Wayne operated our battle robot, the "Quinnterruptor".

Josh Nichols operated the "Blonowitzer", the deadly machine of the team from "Belleview".

I was still too much saddened by Otis's problems.

Wayne was not as good an operator as me.

This made the whole thing a bit tedious.

Maybe for that reason we couldonly achieve a tie.

It was the first time we could not win a match since the admission of us girls to the science club.

Mindy faced Josh. She had had a crush on him back at "bwelleview". But she was over it.

Josh was hanging out too much with his useless step brother Drake.

Mindy growled, "now I have found some better boy." She pulled Wayne into a kiss, making Josh faint badly.

Then there was Drake's little sister Megan. She had really effected Mindy's expulsion from "belleview" during the last year.

Today, Mindy had to bost with having me saved from expulaion from Pacific Coast Academy.

Megan was very cunning and mischievous. "Oh, an alpaca. I have got a zebra[[78]]." She grinned mercilessly.

I wondered, "where does it stay all the time?"

Megan explained,

At first, I had tricked Drake and Josh into caring for it.

They believed in the possibility of selling the stripes to the municipal traffic office, for pedestrians' crossings.

But then I found a horse ranch bettween Los Angeles and Orange County.

It belongs to one Faye Dunnaway[[79]] .

This is her address …

She chuckled and gave me a sheet.

I gasped.

That was close enough for a visit during the open weekends.

29.5. Faye Dunnaway

The ranch was really great. It was much better suited for Otis than our stables in Seattle county.

I sighed for relief.

The fees requested by Faye Dunnaway were reasonable.

Otis would soon get transferred from the state of Washington down here to the ranch of Faye Dunnaway, less than half an hour from the gates of the campus of Pacific Coast Academy.

And this would make me happy, make me want to sing.[[80]]

Chapter 30. Sales Action

As aforementioned, Mindy had helped me repair my universal office machine.

Dean Rivers was happy about that. He was thus able to reduce his daily amount of movement to a minimum.

I deemed the moment right for promoting thei wonderful apparatus outside our campus.

Wayne and Mindy had already suggested a sales conference for the principals of all huigh schools in the county of Los Angeles before my return to Pacific Coast Academy.

And that day was here.

Dean Rivers welcomed many colleagues in his office, one at a time, in ordert o see a demonstration of the machine.

The first victim, opps, potentioal customer, was Vice Principal Crubs from "James K. Polk" in Santa Clarita.

That was a really strange excuse of a principal, with or without "vice".

And, indeed, according to some report given later by his student Simon Nelson Cooke, Crubs had actually wanted to be a detective as in those criminal series.

The word "vice" would have to be understood here as some bad quality, not in the sense of a substitute or deputy of some higher official.

Crubs used to spy on his students, especially one Edmond Bigby, a very suspicious middle school boy.

There were rumours about some unauthorised middle school survival guide not yetr officially published out side "James K. Polk".

The guide would probably be sold during the next year.

Anyways, I was now going to demonstrate the functions of my office machine. "The word 'coffee' causes the built in coffee machine to brew some fresh coffee."

Cruubs nodded. "Coffee!"

Suddenly, a ray of the warm dark brown liquid started squirting straight into the face of vice principal Crubs.

I choked."Oops!"

Fortunately, the potential customer had forgot to close his mouth.

The coffee was just making its way straight down it's jaw.

And now there was an explanation.

Complying with Cal's suggestion, tha machine got rid of not already existing coffee in the can by means of this squirting action before brewing new one.

Mindy and Wayne had implemented this feature during my absence.

That was a bit shocking.

Crubs was surprised by the fast service, though.

I sighed deeply.

That had been so close.

Basically pleased Crubs decided to ask his board for paying for the acquisition of such a machine. Then he walked away.

Maybe we should have gone straight to the board instead of inviting the headmasters?

But now it was time for the next interested potential customer.

And this was Principal Eichman from nearby "Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts".

Maybe there should be a school for professional laziness.

Eichman, Crubs, Rivers, and so on would all be professional examples for their students to live up to.

That rat named Eichman was also a TV producer.

His broadcasting crew was not as great as that of Malcolm Reese, though.

I demonstrated an addition made by Mindy Crenshaw.

The command "folders" would make a few folders appear magically in front of the connader.

The latter were supposed to make the principal look busy, in the case of annoying visitors.

I was planning a few more upgrades with a similar effect.

But for now, this had to do it.

Unfortunately, the folders were all scattered all over the desk.

The impression of the lord of the office was thus rather messy than busy.

But Eichman did not care.

Camille had warned me. She had tried out for a place at "Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts" and for one of her productions. But she just got stuffed into a plush dinosaur costume.

And it was really smelly.

Many kids must have tried out in that thing.

And it had never been washed.

Thus Eichman really deserved the impression of being messy rather than busy.

We moved on to the next function.

This was the command "pencil", providing you with such a thing, sharpened appropriately for the purpose of writing.

Unfortunately, the machine took a biro pen and tried to sharpen it.

That looked really terrible.

But Eichman could not tell a ballpen from a pencil.

Some headmasters had probably got a tongue sharper than any pencil, anyways.

This was certainly the case of Vice Principal Crubs.

The headmasters would now intrude one by one, especially those from "Silver Spring", "Eastridge", and Palmwood.

There were many schools in this county, oh so many.

It was a long day.

But a few days later, dozens of schools had confirmed their interest, and the boards had approved of it.

This was already a lot of work for us.

Fortunately, Qualitech was going to adopt the project.

But this would also mean a globalisation.

Well, at least teh corporation was aiming for the national market.

Several weeks of my summer break would consist in flying across the United States and negotiating with the headmasters and the boards about the office system.

That could be very stressy.

I definitely wanted to wor on some other wuinnventions as well during that time.

Cal had got so many ideas for me to render real.

Quinndoze QP, the best operational system ever for computers, was one of them.

Having to see all those computers running on inept systems made me really sick, forcing me to vomit uncontrollably every now and then..

Cal had given me a lits of the absolutely necessary

And I seemed to run out of time.

In addition, I still had not completed the perfect automated trombone for Sam.

Even the last weeks of the academic year would be stuffed full with obligations.

I had to start installing the already ordered office systems.

"James K. Polk"'s would be the first school besides Pacific Coast Academy to profit from our new office engine.

We would install it the week after, upon our science club's match against the battle robot team of Simon Nelson Cook.

The latter was himself rumoured to be a cyborg.

It would be a hell of a challenge for our battle robot.

Were we up to it?

Time would tell.

Chapter 31. Too Slow

31.1. Defeat

A few days later, I was spending almost the whole day over in Santa Clarita.

Unfortunately, our team's battle droid match against that of "James K. Pol" dad not been really successful.

At first glance, everything had started looking great.

Mindy had upgraded our photon cannon.

It was now able to vaporise a concrete wall.

Wayne had adjusted the telescope barrel.

It was now no longer as sensitive to cold and heat as it used to be.

I had addded several protections against thermonuclear assaults and electromagnetic vortices.

But then Simon Nelson Cook had fired a hitherto unknown form of missile.

We were not protected against this.

Our Quinnterruptor was much too slow for reacting.

I sighed deeply.

It was our only defeat of the season.

Simon Nelson Cooke was rumoured by some of his pals to be in part a cyborg himself.

This was very interesting, and made it much easier for him to control his droid, the "Worminator", named for his team pal Albert Wormenheimer.

The latter was just sidelined, just like his other pals, viz. Lance Widget, Evelyn Kwong, and Lisa Zemo.

Cal could not help me in this combat. He was now a membor of the judges' board of the war robot league. But he told me, "come on, Quinn, you will analyse the defeat and come up with something better during the next year!"

I moaned.

But he was probably right.

Thus the experience was by no means pleasant.

But I had to learn from it.

Maybe it would have been an advantage for me to turn into a cyborg?

I had not yet considered such a step.

Doc Hollywood was obsessed with the idea of replacing natural human limbs with mechatronic implants.

Wayne's cartoons were full of those guys.

Some of them looked like normal humans, just as Cookie.

Others looked really distorted.

Many of them had a double life, like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde from Stephenson's novel.

Mindy and Wayne were even more depressed. They almost started arguing over that case and any mistakes.

31.2. Office Robot

As announced, the robot war match was immediately followed by our installation of the office machine into the desk of Vice Principal Crubs.

This was not much of a technical problem.

Somehow, all the offices of principals were alike.

Just this Crubs guy was collecting sculptures of pink flamingoes.

But it took its time.

Oh, I had to calculate a bit.

This one installation was not much.

But there were many other principals' offices waiting somewhere out there.

The time necessary for installing the already ordered ones would already amount to some hundreds of hours.

That was really cruel.

And there were even more to come.

I could impossibly do this all alone.

It would be much too slow and delay all my creative work by ages.

That was not acceptable, period.

Mindy's and Wayne's assistance were not much of a comfort.

Thus Mr. Savage would have to hire more staff. He had already seen that coming.

But I was too proud to believe it.

Seeing others work on my inventions was not easy for me.

The installation of Crubs's example was now complete.

As usual, the bill would be sent by means of electronic mail.

Now I was already looking forward, well, not really, to doing the same thing in Eichman'd office.

Suddenly, a beardy man in his fourties walked in. "Vice principal Cribs, may I talk to Ms. Pensky?"

Crubs shrugged. "Maybe?"

I introduced myself as Quinn Pensky.

That guy was Mr. Combover, teacher for music.

We agreed on going to his office.

31.3. Combover

So, this was the room for the music classes.

I shrugged.

It must have had to do with the trombone.

I declared to have no ambition of becoming a professional trombone player. "My life is science, not music."

Combover laughed. "Certainly not!"

Now, that was no fun at all.

Mr. Combover explained, "in order to develop a new instrument you should seek for the advice of someoine with an absolute audition."

Simon Nelson Cooke must have read this on my science blog and forwarded to Mr. Combover.

I shrugged. I wondered about the existence of such a thing.

Two twin girls walked in.

Mr. Combover introduced them as the Obo twins, Tracy and Stacey.

I shrugged, wondering for myself "Do they play the oboe, as suggested by the name?"

Indeed they did.

I did not want to listen, though.

But they were here for another reason. They said unison, "we heard from someone with an absolute audition living in Seattle."

That would have been cool.

I would still spend a few weeks up there during the impending summer break, right between my ongoing job as a vice president of Qualitech.

One of the twins gave me a sheet with data about the guy to watch out for.

I could not tell the twins apart.

This would not be necessary.

Now I took a look at the sheet.

Nevel Papperman was the name of the freak. He played the recorder[[81]] and the piano[[82]] .

Already the name sounded creepy.

According to one of the twins, Nevel was only ten years old and very hard to get along with.

The Ono twins were already freaky.

So I better prepared for tedious negotiations with Nevel.

It was not a task to be rushed.

Guys like Nevel needed to be approached slowly.

Or so much I could already tell without having ever encountered him or heard any details.

31.4. The Survival Guide

On my way out, I stumbled into aforementioned Edmond Bigby, generally known as Ned.

This was the author of the fabulous school survibal guide.

Well, that manual would become famous.

In order to be sold outside "James K. Polk", it needed to be printed.

Their school's printer was much too slow for this avail.

Fortunately, I was one person able to tune it.

Cookie had already tried, but he had messed it up.

But this was too much for the day.

I would get to this point after summer break.

Chapter 32. Past Life

32.1. Nevel Papperman

I had agreed on a visit at Nevel Papperman's home in uptown Seattle.

The subteen guy was really strange.

But only evil, vulgar people such as Logan Reese would have seen that as a problem.

Nevel started sniffling at my hair in order to smell my brand of shampoo.

His nose must have been very fine.

Nevel was probably one of the most sensitive people ever heard of.

I got something to eat.

It was tapenade, a mixture of garlic, olives, and capers. That smelled really nice.

I sensed the emotions of the tapenade.

It appeared happy.

Nevel opened some music his laptop for some music composed by himself. He even felt the warmth from a campfire picture.

That was extremely cool.

We even tried to dance abit.

That did not really work out very well.

But now we had to move on to my trombone.

I started blowing a bitNevel's brain hurt.

He declared, "the instrument is horribly mistuned."

This made me sad.

I had to retune it.

Fortunately, Nevel was now here in order to talk about the results of my attempts.

After a few hours, the thing worked out.

It was incredible.

Nevel was only eleven years old. But he seemed to have got the experience and the wisdom of an old man.

Granted, certain people would have said the same thing about my scientific achievements.

And Nevel actually had got an explanation for my experience. "You must have been a great engineer in your past life."

I wondered, "my past life? Reincarnation and stuff?"

Nevel Papperman nodded solemnly. "I was certainly some sort of a composer or conductor in one of my past lives, probably not one of the greatest, but still …"

I shrugged. I had certainly heard about reincarnation and stuff.

But there was absolutely no scientific proof for past lives.

This was a bit scary.

But I could not really desist from speculating.

Now, what scientist and engineer could that be?

Nevel suggested, "how about Nikola Tesla?"

Of course I had. I have already mentioned him, the father of the world of alternating electric currfent, as one of my examples to live up to, but way after Einstein.

2006 was the international Nikola Tesla Year.

That made Nevel learn a bit about him and compare me to him.

OK, this was a bit subjective.

But with some efforts, there were probably some parallels to be found.

Yet I could not tell a more objective reason to choosing Tesla over Einstein, Bell, Addison, Curie, and so on.

Nevel did not tell me at that moment. But as an occultist conspiracy theorist, Nevel had got a particular interest in Tesla and his work.[[83]] He could not talk about it freely, though.

OK, my trombone was now perfectly tuned, down to Nevel Ppaperman's perfect audition.

I was forced to be silent about Nevel's cooperation.

Extremely vulgar and insensitive kids such as Samantha Puckett used hate excessively sensitive ones like Nevel Papperman.

Thus she should never hear about my efforts of tuning her trombone.

32.2. Office At Ridgeway

Being in Seattle, I also wanted to sell my office machine to the hedmasters at the schools over here.

Of course there were still vacations.

But I reached one of them.

This was precisely principal Franklin from "Ridgeway", the former school of Melanie and Samantha Puckett.

The school also accomodated Sam'd friend Carly Shay and her neighbour boy Fredward Benson.

Those kids were of course in vacations.

But the principal opened the school for this day in order to let me demonstrate my machine.

Mr. Franklin was glad to be able to see it during the vacations. "Mr. Howard is opposed to technological progress."

Said mr. Howard was a very evil and perverted teacher at "Ridgeway".

Franklin was thus forced to sneak all good innovations past that creep.

My demonstration worked out well.

mr. Franklin started immediately filling in the form for requesting financial support for the acquisition and the installation of my machine.

Then I had to leave for "Briarwood Prep"[[84]] , the school of Nevel Papperman.

Their dean, Linda Peeloff, had ordered an eexample of my machine as wel.

32.3. Nevelocity

There had been a few troubles in the office of Ms. Peeloff.

But the principal of "Briarwood Prep" was ultimately content with everything and ordered my machine.

I was not going to install it.

Qualitech had now been able to hire service workers, saving me a lot of time needed for my other activities.

Before leaving Seattle again, I needed to pay Nevel for his help with tuning the trombone.

The freaky guy was building his own web site, Nevelocity.

The payment for Nevel consisted in helping him with this.

Nevelocity would be the first big site built with "Quinndoze QP", the best operational system ever.

BY now, the site was not yet big.

It was just wishful dreaming.

But a genius like Nevel would certainly make it great.

32.4. Back To California

many interesting things had been going on in Seattle.

But now it was time for me to return to California.

I also needed to tell Cal about Nevel's hyposthesis.

Cal would certainly be interested in comparing me with Nikola Tesla.

Strangely, among all, I would have supposed Cal to be the one in charge with the continuation of the incomplete works of the genius.

During the summer break, I had also let other headmasters evaluate my office machine.

There was that district school in New York City.

Principal Ruckman[[85]] had been one to evaluate the office system. He compared me to someone alls, viz. Mr. Jamerson[[86]] , the school's leding teacher for science.

Jamerson was also making many cool inventions and would have qualified as a successor, if not a reincarnation, to Nikola Tesla.

After all, this was totally exciting.

Unfortunately, it was not possible for me to meet Jamerson during the vacation time.

While at the Atlantic coast, I also demonstrated my invention at some school named "Rocky Road".

Principal Brandywine was the one in charge. She was laziness incarnate and used a mini cart in order to move across the school halls. She was the one ost desperately in need of my inventions.

While there, I also had to repair her cart.

The school board, directed by one Jacqueline Bell[[87]] , had hitherto been excessively hostile to approving of too much money for Brandywine's needs.

But now there was a new superintendent, increasing the chances of getting stuff approved.

Creepy Mrs. Bell had disappeared since some time.

Yet unbeknownst to me, I should soon enough encounter the person under a different name: Dr. Sheila Voss, now a principal at some school.

But for the time being, I was done with my tour across the United States for the purpose of promoting my office machines.

My plane came down from the sunnty blue southern Californian sky, touching the famous grounds of Los Angeles.

The new academic year at Pacific Coast Academy was about to restart.

Chapter 33. Stacey Dillsen

33.1. Another Year At PCA

The red hot sun was still searing the southern Californian coast.

Another academic year at Pacific Coast Academy was just about starting.

According to my sheet, I was accomodated in "85 D Brenner Hall".

Horribly messy Coco Wexler must have messed it up.

There was definitely no such room.

I definitely had to complain.

33.2. Nicole Is Gone

And there were even more strange news.

Nicole Bristow, the bimbo wench from Kansas, was no longer a student at Pacific Coast Academy.

Her obsession with boys must have driven her insane.

Her evil parents thus had decided to move her to a school only for girls.

But which school exactly was that?

I had to remember the removal of Dana Cruz from this school.

Zoey had gotten her sent to Paris.

I could not help thinking "maybe Zoey Brooks is responsibkle for Nicole Bristow's sudden departure as well?"

Anyways, Coco Wexler suggested me to move in with Zoey Brooks and Lola Martinez. She admitted to having confused room numbers and bra sizes when assigning the dormitory places.

But this was now not acceptable for me.

The trench between me and the Zoey Brooks gang was now way too deep to be bridged.

I decided to complain at the office of Ms. Burvich about the dormitory assignment.

33.3. My New Roomie

Unfortunately, Ms. Burvich was not even around.

But there was a substitute, some Mr. Conroy[[88]] .

There were also other students, old and new, with doubts about their dormitory assignments.

Mr. Conroy took a look at my folder. "OK, your old room is still free, but I had to assign another student to it."

In other words, I would not be alone any longer.

Since having arranged with Wayne Gilbert, the official school laboratory was a better place for many of my scientific experiments, anyways.

So it was possible for me to support another roomie.

According to Mr. Conroy, this would be one Stacey Dillsen.

I shrugged and returned to my accustomned room from the last academic year.

33.4. Cotton Swabs And White Glue

I muttered, "home, sweet home!" upon entering my old and new dormitory room.

My room pal was already there. She looked a bit strange. She started introducing herself, talking with aterrible lisp.


My name is Stacey Dillsen.

I come from Swampscott in Massachusetts.

My sister Suzanne works as a nurse at "St. Steve" hospital in Mississippi.

My hobbies are acrobatics, astronomy, and sculpting.

My dad has not allowed me to work in his woodshop.

So I had to resort to building things with cotton swabs and white glue.

She showed me a swab model of the house of her dream.

I was a bit annoyed by the cotton swab stuff.

But the building, if composed from wood, would not have been stable.

I had to remark this.

Stacey looked consternated.

I panted heavily

This seemed to be the right time for a lecture in mechanical engineering.

Granted, the statics used in civil engineering was a lame and boring subject when compared to , let us say, nuclear physics, rocket science, or genetic manipulation.

But it definitely had to be.

I started talking about Antoni Gaudí, the great Catalan master builder of the begin of the twentieth century. "The design and calculation of building structures is the key to the stability of modern buildings."

Stacey looked a bit aghast.

Basically, both applied and constraint forced needed to balance out in a static structure, in a way not leading to any movement.

It took me half an hour to write down a bunch of formulae for Stacey.

These described the conditions for a static structure in a constant gravity field.

But she did not really understand it.

That was a bit disappointed.

I started doubting in my ability of explaining simple things. Desperate enough, I decided to ask for Cal's help. I picked up my cellular phone and started typing a long string of digits.

33.5. Simulation Program

Cal advised me immediately to write a program for the simulation of static structures and the necessary balance of forces, using something nowadays generally known as the unit dummy force method.

It had to be easy enough to use for someone like Stacey Dillsen.

Fortunately, "Quinndoze QP" made the design and implementations of programs like these very easy.

I had properly devised that operational system to make those things a whole lot easier.

Finally, Stacey Dillsen could start using the thing. Initially, she tried it with a model of only a few cotton swabs.

The outcome was shocking.

Stacey doubted about the possibility of ever building a stable building.

But with a lot of practice, it would be easy for Stacey to devise of stable buildings.

Maybe she was now going to be the next Antoni Gaudí?

33.6. Grizzly Glue

Of course, Stacey still needed some good glue in order to build stable sculptures of cotton swabs.

Unfortunately, her currently used carpenter's glue was not the best possible option.

But "Grizzly Industries", the aforementioned partner of Qualitech for the mass production of industrial supplies, was about producing a new glue.

This one was supposed to be much more reliable than the brand hitherto used by Stacey Dillsen.

So I suggested the swab freak to take a chance on Grizzly glue.

Unfortunately, it was a bit expensive.

But Cal had got some sort mass customer's discount over there.

This allowed me to get at that stuff for a somewhat lower price.

33.7. Next Door

My two way television system was still standing and functioning sufficiently well.

This allowed me to snoop Zoey and Lola.

Something appeared to be fishy with them.

Lola seemed to provoke Zoey into seeing Chase. But she verbally told her not ask him.

The situation between Chase and Zoey had been tricky since Chase's revelation.

Zoey had never considered forgiving his cowardice.

But what was Lola doing? She seemed to be involved in some mischievous plot.

Unfortunately, I was now too tired to think about it.

The programming work for Stacey had been exhausting.

So I had to turn off the television and fall asleep.

But there was something fishy next door.

And I had to find out, sooner or later.

Chapter 34. Rebecca

34.1. Evil Girl

The next morning, there were some partial hints about the confusion of last night.

Chase seems to have tried to talk to Zoey just in order to tell her about ahis new girlfriend.

It was a busty latina named Rebecca, a girl from his home town.

Even worse, Chase had been unable to tell Zoey in person about this.

Zoey needed to stumble into his dormitory room and watch him making out with that bitch.

It could not be any more disgusting.

That was really low.

OK, so the dweeb had sent Zoey the love message, less than half a year ago, just to do this right ow.

I still remembered the troubles of restoring the message from that partly destroyed tek mate.

That was really annoying.

How could Chase do that?

Everyone had expected Chase to try at least to fess up to Zoey in person.

And why, pray tell, would a hot busty latina like Rebecca want to date such a bushy dweeb like Chase Bartholomew Matthews?

That did absolutely not make any sense.

It was even worse than Lola dating Chase, just half of a year ago.

Hey, that date had been a fake.

Lola had used it in order to prepare for some auditioning session. She had to learn to make out with dweebs.

Maybe that was also the solution this time?

Rebecca may have been an actress as well.

Chase could have hired her in order to make Zoey jealous. He was certainly desperate enough to commit things like that.

This would have been the summit of Chase's miserable life in denial.

I had to find out the details.

This would allow me tofinally compete with aforementioned Ashley Gonzalez even in the realms of social science.

And Cal would be proud of this. He had just checked my portable laser gun, by the way.

It was able to burn through metal.

That was not exactly new.

But this time, the holes were much bigger than last time.

Anyways, why should I have cared about Chase's problems?

He was just completely insane, no more adn no less.

34.2. Toon Juice

As aforementioned, Chase and Michael had started submitting the cartoons to that specialised web site, Toon Juice.

According to third party informations, Chase's and Michael's toons had just been accepted by that site. They were thus going to be shown on a fasirly well visited platform.

I wondered about Nevel Papperman's opinion concerning that site.

Nevel was witing about everything cool on the interweb on his site Nevelocity.

I picked my laptop and entered the correct address.

nevel was writing about so many things.

And the usage of Quinndoze QP was even speeding up his activity.

There we were.

Nevel's criticism of Toon Juice look like this:

Toon Juice, or, more appropriately, "Loon Chews", is a poor excuse of a web site dedicated to viewer submitted cartoons.

This used to be a good idea, once upon a time.

Quality cartoons were rare back in the eighties of the last centuries.

But with the arrival of the interweb, the general expectations have been continually increasing.

And Toon Juice is clearly falling behind.

This is particularly due to the latest policiy of the management.

Their seems to be absolutely no quality control left.

The most ungifted and unoriginal heads get accepted.

Ten years in prison are worse of a punishment than having to watch the latest exhibitions on Toon Juice.

See you again on some better site!

That was brutally honest.

Chase was certainly a good playwright and poet. So, why, pray tell, did he have to deviate from his course and choose such an inept medium for expressing his thoughts?

And Michael was likewise a fairly good song composer.

The visual media were absolutely not his thing, period.

Toon Juice must have got all of its screws loosened when accepting their excrements.

Not even the improved and upgraded screwdrivers and wrenches hidden in my shoe's soul would be enough to repair them.

34.3. More Stupidity

Stacey Dillsen walked into our dorm. She was a bit angry.

Her cotton swab model, carried safely in her arms, was a bit bruised.

Fortunately, Stacey Dillsen had been using Grizzly glue in order to stick the swabs together.

This had prevented her cotton swab model from breaking.

More precisely, careless Chase Bartholomew Matthews had stumbled into the girls' lounge. He had been looking for his Rebecca.

It must have been related to his toon juice stuff.

Whatever, the clumsy dweeb ran into poor Stacey and almost crushed her cotton swab model of the perfect house of her dreams.

That was pretty mean.

Why could that idiot not take any better care of his steps?

My cellular phone started ringing.

I picked it up.

The display showed me Wayne Gilbert's number.

I sighed. "Quinn Pensky, hi Wayne?"

He cackled in a usual manner.

I shook my head.

Wayne told me tocome over to their roiom. "I have build a new three dimensional chess construct." He wondered, "may you beat me?"

Mindy must have already given up.

I gasped. "Oh, sure!"

Finally, there was quite some challenge for me.

Cal had already invented several complex strategical games.

That was really exciting.

I wanted to be the best in all pure strategical games, of course, no matter whether old or new.

34.4. Chess Mate

Wayne had rearranged the whole outfit of his dormitory room.

And there was the three dimensional battle field.

Chess figures beaten on one level return to the fight on another level.

That sounded so much like reincarnation.

Wayne just cackled. He had got some important news. "'Sushi Rox' has got a new chef."

I gasped. "Whom?"

Wayne explained, "It is Rosemary Pepper[[89]] , the lunch lady of 'James K. Polk'."

My eyes bugged out.

Wayne and Mindy had negotiated with Rose right after our war robot match from the last spring.

It was not easy for them to lure their lunch lady away.

But Mindy's charm had been ultimately triumphant.

Alaso, Wayne had noticed Chase's total distraction.

This Rebecca girl was nothing but a nightmare. She had, according to Mindy's observation, even threatened Zoey to stay away from Chase.

I exposed my belief in Rebecca being a fake girlfriend.

Wayne choked.

It was just a guess.

But in this case, Chase and his hired "girlfriend" were going too far.

And what was Lola's rôle in this whole terror game?

She had more or less driven Zoey into stumbling into Chase and "Rebecca" making out.

That was totally perverse.

Lola must definitely have been part of some abominable conspiration.

Mindy was going to help me snooping on that idiotic couple.

Oh, by the way …

"Chess mate!" thundered I in a triumphant manner.

Wayne cackled inspite of this. He just could not help it.

I waved and walked away in order to see Mindy at the freshly reopened "Sushi Rox", and also the new chef.

Chapter 35. Coco Goes Nuts

35.1. The Miniature Plane Crash

A few days later, I was strolling the campus.

Dustin and a few other middle school guys were clumsily fumbling with a miniature plane.

The thing did not seem to work the way they liked.

I walked closer to them.

Dustin wondered about my abilities of repairing the aeronautic vehicle.

That was really insulting.

I grunted, "I could repair a proper aeroplane!" Actially, I could have repaired even a space shuttle, if necessary.

For cases like this, my shoe souls hit a tool box containing all the necessary instruments.

In this case, it was not too difficult.

The model was very much standard.

I started tuning the craft for speed.

The kids did not tell me any different.

Unfortunately, I had to sacrifice the servo navigation system for that avail.

Dustin did not wait for my explanation. He grabbed the plane.

His pals could not wait either. They urged him to start the engine.

The miniature plane soared off into the air.

Now the freaks wondered about the impossibility of steering the vihicle.

I would have told them.

But now it was too late.

Why did today's tween lack all the patience?

That was terrible.

The plane, alas, was out of control.

A few seconds later, we heard a terrible scream.

Hells bells!

Dean Rivers was lying in the dirt, with blood on his nose.

That was no good.

We better ran! We better took cover!

35.2. Substitute

Two hours later, Jeremiah Trottman from Pacific Coast Academy's News Channel announced the necessary replacement.

The board had been lucky to find a substitute headmaster really fast.

The new man, rather woman, on the bridge was Dr. Sheila Voss.

This did not sound great.

She looked totally arrogant. "You damn' kids!"

Things were now certainly worse than under the rule of Mr. Rivers.

As a first measure, Dr. Voss declared the usage of planes illegal.

Fortunately nobody could prove the origin of the plane.

By the way, Cal would show me a bit later to repair the plane in a way allowing for both speed and navigation.

Unfortunately this did not scare the new evil dean away.

Even worse:

The arrival of Ms. Sheila Voss was my fault in another sense, too.

The creep had been interested in my office machine. She had asked for buying one for herself after having hurt about them from aforementioned Ms. Brandywine. Right, Sheila Voss was no other than Jacqueline Bell, former superintendent responsible for "Rocky Road".

Anyways, our board had received a request from Ms. Voss for evaluating our office machine.

And right before answering the request, Dustin's miniature plane had smalshed the nose of Dean Rivers into a bloody bulp.

Mr. Bradford was thus inspired to asking Mrs. Voss for helping the school out.

Of course, giving a demo of the office machine would have been my task.

I could have cringed on the floor for shame.

It was the darkest day in my history as a student at Pacific Coast Academy.

I could have used the office machgine in order to hurt Sheila Voss badly.

But after the accident with the miniature plane, my remorses had grown too big.

This was totally terrible.

In addition, I would have damaged the confidence of potential customers into the office service machine.

This would have been excessively bad fro Qualitech.

I did not want my corporation to suffer just because of one crappy customer.

Wayne and Mindy did not like Ms. Voss, either.

But we had to be careful, anyways.

35.3. Coco got dumped

But others were even worse off.

This was especially the case for Coco Wexler, our dormitory adviser.

She was lying on the campus pavement, like one lump of misery.

Her on and off boyfriend Carl, coach of our absolutely hapless and ridiculous softball team, had dumped her once more, this time via cellular phone, one of the most deprecable ways of breaking up.

Lola and Zoey tried to get Coco back to her feet.

Ms. Voss would have fired Coco otherwise.

I could not have cared.

But Zoey, inspite of looking down at Coco, frequently defended her in the public.

This was of course a totally hypocritical demeanour.

But a blond Mary Sue like Zoey Brooks could easily get away with it.

That was totally unfair.

35.4. New Cheerleading Uniforms

This year, the football team of Pacific Coast Academy was in a really good shape.

Its captain was one Vince Blake.

But also the cheerio squad was responsible for that imporovement.

Without the cheerios, the football players would have been lame and unmotivated.

Of course the mix of male cheerios and occasionally hired cheerio girls from nearby schools like James K. Polk, Eastridge, Silver Springs, and Palmwood had only been a temporary solution.

But this year, the Pacific Coast Academy was — for the first time mdash; able to maintain its own female cheerio squad.

Melanie Puckett was still one of the most active members of that troop.

But the greatest of all of them was one "Makeout Mandy" Franklin. She really motivated the football players in one ore the other, apparently disgusting, way, as expressed by the nick name already.

Zoey Brooks deemed the whole cheerio stuff as sexist. Thus she had never volunteered for designing cheerio outfits. Of course she was a great fashion designer and would have done it better than anyone else.

Thus the school had to find another one to do so.

According to rumours, the cheerleading costumes had been designed during the summer break by some new student named Jerome Crony, already during the summer break.

The name did not tell me anything.

Why would a new student have done that so terribly fast?

35.5. Dean Rivers Gets Restored

Fortunately, I had been able to repair the face of Dean Rivers pretty fast.

At least he looked a bit healthier by now. And he wanted to make it back into his office as soon as possible, ignoring each and every possible warning from Dr. Hollywood..

Truth said, Dr. Hollywood had been doing this.

But I was his assistant. Thus I had contributed stringly to the situation.

Fortunately, nobody had hitherto been able to identify the people behind the stray miniature plane, including Dustin and me.

Ms. Voss' guest rôle as our dean was thus already over after one week.

But Coco was still in a miserable state.

Dean Rivers would not take this with ease.

And Dr. Sheila Voss was gone from the campus.

But something told me:

Ms. Voss would certainly cause us quite a few further troubles during the next years.

Mr. Bradford had given her various competences comparable to those of a superintendent at district schools.

This made my head ache worse than Dean Rivers's skull after the collision with Dustin's miniature plane.

Chapter 36. Logan's Grandpa

36.1. Zoey Sucks

Zoey was incredibly stupid in all sorts of matters concerning science. She was, for example, way too stupid to make a difference between spiders and insects. But as a blond Mary Sue, she always got away with that.

This was so totally not fair.

And now Zoey was in trouble with chemistry.

May you believe it?

That was so incredibly stupid.

I always had to puke when encountering students like those.

Alas, the whole campus of Pacific Coast Academy was full of exorbitant idiots, many of them even worse than Zoey Brooks.

Coco Wexler, of course, sucked even more than about any student.

But this did in absolutely no way excuse Zoey's excessive lack of absolutely necessary knowledge.

Zoey was even too dumb for getting tutored.

I had tried to repeat my words about the scopes and means of spectroscopy.

It had been so utterly hopeless, beyond any possibility of description.

I had to puke after her excruciatingly feeble attempts.

Maybe some kind of weird idiot would somehow have some sort of somewhat better luck getting her through the current chemistry classes.

For me, it clearly sounded like a foolish waste of time, period.

But the worst contributor to Zoey's stupidity was her teacher for chemistry, Mrs. Bromwell[[90]]. That wench seemed to care more about Chase's bushy hair than about the illustrous science of chemistry. She could not believe in it being all natural.

Of course someone like Chase would not go through any work with his hair. We was much too lazy to care about it.

His hair was bushy precisely due to his inertia, and not due to some insane efforts of making it bushy.

This reminds me a bit of Cal's weird yet definitely not bushy hair cut.

Well, there was a strange scientific explanation.

Cal had once invented a strange substance stimulating hair growth.

I was up to improving this stuff one day, sooner or later.

A hapless acciedent made his hair grow chaotically.

Cal had not been able to help himself by any means different from burning his hair.

And then there was the necessity of inventing something to recover his hair from the impact of the fire.

Well, stupid girls like Zoey would never come up with ideas as cool as these.

So much was evident.

36.2. Chase's Observation

A few days later, Chase Bartholomew Matthews and Michael Barret returned early from a basketball session due to an injury.

Michael had stumbled over a basket ball on the way to the toilets. He was such a complete fool!

Logan Reese by the way, had been kicked out from the school's basketball team for missing too many free throws.

That was really funny.

The jerk had totally deserved this. So he was no longer in the team and the training group.

This had apparently given him more opportunities to pursue his other interests, especially the more perverse ones, such as hitting on girls.

And, indeed, that night, Michael and Chase stumbled prematurely back into their own room. And what did they get to see?

Well, there was Logan Reese.

Het, it was Logan's room, too.

But Logan had not been alone.

There was also Zoey Brooks.

That was consternating.

Zoey did absolutely not belong there, especially not after curfew time.

It was impossible for a girl to sink any deeper than coming to date Logan Reese.

Not even the mighty Pacific could be deep enough.

Chase tried to look for other explanations from finding Zoey and Logan together. He was probably not completely over having been rejected by the blond Mary Sue.

36.3. Mindy's Discovery

I was still consternated by Zoey's fall into a bottomless hole.

But Mindy just grinned. "Have you seen this?" She showed me a book about advanced molecular chemistry.

I must have seen the book before. But I had never taken a closer look at the author's name. Now I did so. I gasped. "L. Reese? Logan?"

Mindy laughed. "Maybe some Logan Reese, not necessarily that Logan."

I was still puxxled. "They are related?"

Logan Reese, the jock and dandy of the county, was a kinsman of some author about a popular book about molecular chemistry?

I had to ponder that situation.

Maybe Cal knew a bit about some L. Reese?

I had to call him. I suspired while taking my cellular phone.

This discovery would have been really shocking.

36.4. Cal answers

Cal had not been at home. But he answered my message a bit later and called me back. "OK Quinn, there was indeed a teacher here at Caltech named Logan Reese. He taught general chemistry until last year."

My eyes bugged out.

But this did not really answer the deeper question.

Cal chuckled. "Oh, you mean, any connection between that L. Reese and that jerk at your school?"

"Definitely yeas, I do mean it," I grunted at the vewry top of my lungs.

Cal had to ponder. "That should not be hard to find out."

36.5. Figuring

The next day, Cal called me again. And he confirmed our expectations completely.

The former teacher at Caltech and author of the book was indeed the grandfather of "our" Logan Reese.

So, the latter may have learnt some primitive chemistry from his grandpa and was now able to tutor girls in chemistry. He was of course still deproived of any proper understanding of chemistry, like all reckless jerks.

So what?

He was certainly nowhere near a genius. But, he used any occasion in order to make girls addicted.

This time, Zoey Brooks was his victim.

But that was only for a limited duration.

The filthy creep would keep on moving.

36.6. Zoey's New Tutor

Mindy had got an idea. "Zoey could do better. Why should she stick to a cheap copy instead of an original?"

At first glance, I did not understand Mindy's words.

But then then everything became clear.

Many former college teachers were gladly titoring middle and high school kids.

And Cal had not got any problem organising the whole thing.

A few days later, Zoey Brooks would get tutored by old Mr. L. Reese.

And Logan would be totally embarrassed. He was by means happy about the revelation.

No jerk right in his mind would have wanted to be related to a nerd like Logan's grandpa.

That embarrassment served the dandy perfectly well.

Logan was now hiding in his dormitory room and never daring to come out again in order to hit on hot girls, well, at least not for quite some time.

Chapter 37. Moon Bars

37.1. Football Fever

The baskteball of Pacific Coast Academy had turned pathetically weak during the last months.

But our football team was on a roll.

This allowed them to pass in to the state playoffs.

As aforementioned, this was due to quarterback Vince Blake and to our cheerio squad around Mandy Franklin.

It was certainly not diue to Coach Keller, responsible for both the football and the basketball team.

Vince Blake was in the centre of the interest of many a girl.

Unfortunately this also included my roomie, Stacey Dillsen.

She swooned. "One day, I will be Mrs. Stacey Blake."

Really, Vince laughed about her insane obsession with cotton swabs , and he would have kicked her sculptures all over the place and stomped on them, grining sadistically all the way.

But for the moment, there was no way of dissuading Stacey from her thoroughly deviant route.

Vince Blake was only suitable for tomboys and cheerios.

Of course, Stacey Dillsen was absolutely nowhere near qualifying as any of these.

37.2. Healthy Snacks

Many snacks were sold in the vendors' machines, such as coloured sugar balls.

According to Zoey Brooks, those were totally unhealthy.

The blond mary Sue was manically worried about the health of us pupils, especially that of Dustin. Thus she was hell bent on replacing the snacks with healthier ones.

The new hit at the east coast was apparently something called "moon bars". It was full of healthy vitamins and minerals, and deprived of unhealthy fat and cystal sugar.

Zoey Brooks was totally determined to order a large cardboard box chock full with these.

Dean Rivers was hitherto sternly opposed to changing the assortment of goods sold by the vendor machine.

This was essentially for ninancial reasons.

That was really mean.

The dean would not listen to any of the pupil's arguments. He was excessively busy playing miniature pool, a gift from his son in law.

37.3. Taste Boosting

During the summer break, I had been at the Atlantic coast in order to demonstrate the power of my office automation machine.

Some of those schools might have made experiences with those moon bars.

I was interested in hearing about their opinions.

The first reply was from Adelaide Singer, a high school girl from "Rocky Road", aforementioned school ruled by Mrs. Brandywine, one of our customers.

Addie's reply was devastating.

Those moon bars smell ugly.

My class pal Zachariah Carter Schwartz has forced us to try them. He is a total ecology freak.

Geena Fabiano, my best friend, had to puke for five hours straight.

Zach and Geena have been a couple for almost a year.

But this is now over.

We won't talk any longer to Zach.

Don't sell this crap at your school, Pacific Coast Academy, unless you want to become public enemy number one!

Yours, Addie Singer!

Now, this was truly shocking news.

Zoey would become the main culprit.

Well, that was certainly her problem.

But maybe I could help out?

The taste could certainly be improved.

My works on aforementioned power drink "Frazz" had shown the possibility of creating tasty liquids from all natural ingredients, such as reptile excrements.

This should be no different for the moon bars.

I already thought aboiut some creamy extract from some rare cactus plant from Guadalepecho in the Mexican desert.

The cactus was terribly rare.

A civil war over the cactus plants had already annihilated the population of Guadalapecho over two hundred years ago.

This was also caused by the alkaloid subsrtances of the juice of the cactus plant.

Those are remotely related to opiades, such as morphine.

In any case, they made horribly addicted.

I woould hardly have cared about it.

But Melinda Crenshaw insisted in considering this critical fact.

Within a few days, many of the students, and maybe even some of the staff members, would have been addicted to the taste booster containing a potentially naughty drug.

But the supply of this cactus juice was really rare.

According to Cal, we could only expect a delivery of like 5 cactus plants from Guadalapecho each year.

Cal had not yet found a way of cultivating the cactus here in California.

There were warm, dry wastelands not too far from Pacific Coast Academy, such as one place known as Redstone Gulch.

Maybe we would be able to scrutinise that region more precisely in order to evaluate to possibility of raising the cactus of Guadalapecho.

Another possibility would have been that of producing the same juice synthetically, using certain bacteria.

I was very much interested in crossing microbiotic life forms and manipulating them by means of genetic engineering.

Mindy was totally keen on helping me there.

Now there was another answer right from the east coast.

A certain Ryan Laserbeam had messaged us. He was a student at the school ruled by Principal Ruckman, another of my customers visited during the summer break. He had also been forced to puke like nobody's business upon "enjoying" that tasteless crap.

But was "Laserbeam" really a namne?

Anyways, this was by absolutely no means my business.

Ryan Laserbeam suggested to let his teacher for science, Mr. Jamerson, develop an artificial taste booster.

So there he was once again, fabulous Mr. Jamerson.

That sounded like some competition.

But maybe it was not necessary for us to compete?

There were no barren wastelands in New Jersey.

So we could easily split efforts without competing.

Mindy and I would cultivate the rare cactus plant from Guadalapecho in the nearby wastelands.

Mr. Jamerson would experiment with various possibilities of synthetising the tasty contents of the Guadalepecho cactus plant up there in New Jersey.

In any case, it was absolutely necessary to dissuade Zoey Brooks from distributing the moon bars before receiving the result of our research.

I did also not hesitate calling Cal in order to tell him about the possibly needed equipment for cultivationg a new cactus plant in the nearby wastelands.

37.4. Scandalous

In any case, the attitude of Dean Rivers towards the sales of healthier snacks had not changed at all.

He was even in a worse mood than before his accident with the miniature plane. He had lost again the cue ball of his miniature pool.

This was not helping us in any way.

According to soime statement made by Edmond Bigby, there had been a similar problem not long ago over at "James K. Polk".

Vice Principal Crubs had stuck stubbornly to selling unhealthy doughnuts, against the will of the kids wishing for fruit cereal bars.

Those bars were not ideal, according to Zoey Brooks, but still a lot healthier than our standard crap sold in the vendor machines, such as doodle cakes.

Jenifer Mosely, one of the leading kids of "James K. Polk" High, announced a visit in order to support Zoey in her fight.

I better did not care and start with my research concerning the cactus culture in Redstone Gulch.

Chapter 38. Sarah Kyla[[91]]

38.1. New Girl

I strolled the campus.

This fall was particularly noisy here at Pacific Coast Academy.

Mr. Conroy was standing there with a new girl.

She explained her reason for coming to Pacific Coast Academy. "My father is now running a pasta factory in California." She was new at Pacific Coast Academy. But she was not completely new in my life.

I suspired.

The girl had been one of my competitors at a beauty pageant in Tacoma, like, eleven years ago.

That was even before the time of Samantha Puckett's career as a pageant girl.

She better did not recognise me.

But now it was too late.

Mr. Conroy had already spotted me and forced me to help Sarah, the new girl, getting started.

I choked hard.

Even worse, she seemed to remember me vaguely. She did not yet admit to that. But sge seemed to suspect something.

The situation was horrible.

Sarah could talk to people about my past as a pageant girl.

In this case, my life would be destroyed.

Mindy Crenshaw would lose each and every bit of respect for me.

And what about Cal?

I had to do something about that. I thought about mixing some sleeping drink and then let Sarah get abducted by French aliens to Dana's school in France.

But was it even possible to contact those aliens and command them?

I did not really think so.

Stuffing Sarah into a wardrobe and let her rot in there until my graduation was the the only chance.

But Sarah looked incredibly strong. She was probably able to do some kun fu fighting tricks.

I shuddered for dismay. I could just try to tell Mindy to stay away from Sarah.

But why would she listen? She was very inquisitive.

Telling Mindy to stay away from Sarah would just trigger her curiosity, making it even more likely to get discovered.

It was such a circus vitiosis.

The situation was thus hopeless.

38.2. Quinntex

Edmond Bigby was finally done completing his school survival guide.

It would be a bestseller her at Pacific Coast Academy, probably at each and every school in California.

But it first needed to be printed.

And with his lame software this was hardly possible.

Fortunately, I had recently invented an improved and upgraded printer device driver for Quinndoze QP.

This was really fantastic.

But it was necessary to retype the whole guide.

And Bigby's notes were terribly structured.

Hell, they were not structured at all.

I needed to typeset it neatly with chapters, paragraphs, footnotes, glossaries, tables, and indexes, from the top down.

This was not possible with Ned's script.

Quinntex, my hand-made typesetting software for Quinndoze QP, was, on the other hand, certainly able to handle the whole unholy mess.

In any case, it was necessary to go again through Edmond's messy notes.

I tried to find some tips for my situation.

Unfortunately there was none.

But I discovered a few other interesting things.

My head was still shut down due to the threat imposed by evil Sarah.

38.3. Mindy finds out

Unfortunately, my game of hiding and disclaiming was not successful for too much time.

Mindy Crenshaw was the first to figure that something was wrong. She talked outright, "is Sarah blackmailing you?"

I stammered helplessly.

Mindy growled, "you definitely have known her before."

I sighed for exorbitant despair.

Quinn shook me.

I broke down and stammered about my past as a pageant girl. "Now I'm a gonner."

Mindy shook her head. "Wayne has always been wanted a martial artist like Jacki Chan.[[92]]" She suspired. "So what?" She declared, "now he is one of the smartest boys on the campus." At least Mindy could understand me and was not holding my infortunate past against me.

But the other students, at least most of them, were more of a danger, especially filthy creeps like Logan Reese.

Cal, on the other hand, would be all cool with this. He admitted to having dreamt of a career as a football player back as a nursery school boy, like all others boys in his quarter.

But Mindy Crenshaw had made some additional observation. "Truly spoken, Sarah must have some more dirt on her 'palmarès'."

I gasped.

Mindy must have watched very well. "Her dad owns a pasta factory in California?"

I shrugged. "She said so …"

Mindy had actually checked the story and all Californian pasta factories.

There was no such thing.

According to Bigby's notes, his friend Simon Nelson Cooke had once upon a time lied Evelyn Kwong into believing into moving away because of his father's job in a not really existing coconut factory in Hawaii.

I should have thought about it earlier.

38.4. Bodyguard

In an ice cold manner, Mindy Crenshaw achieved to dissuade Sarah from reveiling my past as a pageant girl, threatening to reveil in turn her lie about the pasta factory.

This worked very well, at least for the time being.

Mindy also figured Sarah's real reason for coming to Pacific Coast Academy

Sarah Kyla was really a body guard. She could easily pass as a high school girl. Thus she was most perfectly suited for infiltrating schools in order to protect prominent teenagers or even preteens at private schools.

That appeared very smart.

So, who was the prominent perlson protected by Sarah Kyla?

Mindy combined her observation with a statement made by her aforementioned frenemy Megan Parker.

Megan's friend Ashley Blake, a fledgling arrogant Hollywood diva of the same age as Dustin Brooks, had formerly been guarded by her elder brotehr Vince Blake, our quarterback, or, better, former quarterback.

Vince Blake had been caught cheating in tests by Chase Matthews.

Due to this crime, Dean Rivers was forced to suspend Vince and exclude him from the football team, just before one of the most important matches of opur team.

Vince got back at Chase. He committed an oonslaught upon his life.

Chase had barely survived the evil attack.

Now Dean Rivers could not help but expel Vince from Pacific Coast Academy.

This opened a vacancy:

Ashley needed a new bodyguard.

And Sarah Kyla was this person.

Of course it was better for her and for her customer Ashley to be able to reveil this fact.

This was good for now.

But would I always be able to hide the secret from the perverted masses?

Chapter 39. Knocked Out

There are many societies of vaious sorts active at schools in the Los Angeles area.

One of the most snobbish one was the club of the "Hammers", really "Society of the Silver Hammer". It was similar to the globally renowned "Lions" or "Rotarians", but restricted to southern Californian high schools and colleges.

Many politicians, corp bosses, actors, sharks, and even a few scientists had made it there.

As expected, there was a branch of the society here at Pacific Coast Academy. It had not accepted girls during the first two years of coeducation.

But this year, things had changed.

This was probably due to the growuing impact of girls on the life of the campus in general.

A membership in this club was almost certainly vouching for and tantamount to a great future career.

Cal had warned me about them. "They are a bunch of snobbish arrogant fools, unaware of the difference between spiders and insects."

That was of course a striking argument for not looking for a membership.

I thus hid deliberately from the hammers or "impressed" them by a right torrent of nerd talk in the right moment.

This scaresd them successfully away.

The "Hammers" were certainly like made for dummies like Logan Reese, Lola Martinez, Chase Bartholomew Matthews, Zoey Brooks, or Michael Barret.

Well, Chase had not got any interest in joining those fools.

Whatever, the society was very picky.

And this was hardly surprising, given the high amount of wannabes.

Each year, the elders of the society chose a liset of potential newbies.

As suggested by the name, the symbol of the society was a silver hammer.

Couriers of the elders roamed the campus, armed with such a tool, well, a cheap imitation, in order to knock the chosen ones lightly onto their head before giving them a silver sticker, the sign for members.

But this was not the final acceptance.

In a first secret meeting, the postulants were assigned a quest for the following week.

This "quest" consisted in some dirty slave job for the elders, such as toothpicking, feeding, shaving, haircutting, dressing, and washing.

Already this was a reason for not joining.

Logan Reese had tried to bribe his way into the society even before the whole knocking scenario. For that reason, he had not been knocked by the hammers.

This had turned him finally upset.

Thus Logan had picked up the sticker dropped bu reluctant Chase and tried to sneak in, wearing a bushy wig. But he had failed miserably.

Michael Barret was one filthy hypocrit, anyways.

Chase, as already said, had rejected the silver sticker.

In a conversation with Chase and Logan, Michael had agreed with Chase's judgment concerning snobbish societies.

But just a few minutes later, he had greedily accepted the sticker. And he had not even been scared by his quest for postulancy. He had been assigned as a toothpicker for the leders of the society.

How corrupt was Michael Barret still going to get?

Well, his low integrity was hardly surprising.

Michael was still officially dating a certain Vanessa[[93]] , but he was hankering after some Lisa Perkins, a new student at Pacific Coast Academy and upcoming pop star.

That said it all.

As aforementioned, the hammers were active at many other high schools in southern California as well.

One of them was "James K. Polk High" in Santa Clarita.

I had now finished printing the first two thousand copies of Edmond Bigby's School Survival Guide.

He was now here in order to take them and starting a sales campaign.

I had to sign a contract prepared by aforementioned

The hammers had already started recruiting over there.

Edmond and his friends Jenifer and Simon Nelson Cooke were yet a little bit too young. But they had been observing the scene, anyways.

In an upcoming high school edition, Edmond would include ti=ps about societies like the hammers.

His main tip would be that of staying away from them.

Those society forced you to go against your friends.

And indeed that had been the case.

After bravely going through one week of disgusting humiliations, the potulants were forced to vote out one of theirs.

Zoey at least had had the guts to protest against this practice and to influence the other postulants as well.

As a result, no new member was accepted.

This was totally new in the history of the "Hamemrs" at Pacific Coast Academy

Finally, Logan Reese got accepted as the one and only new member, inspite of having been excluded earlier on. He had already tried to found another society of the same sort, to be known as "Loganites".

Buyt nobody had wanted to accomplish Logan's quest for postulants, viz, crossing the campus just wearing undergarment

Stacey was most disappointed by not even getting considered by either the "Hammers" or the "Loganites". And she even had build a giant cotton swab model of a silver hammer in order to pass.

But all attempts had been for naught.

Cal was more than correct.

The "Silver Hammers" were one corrupt bunch.

Recently, Edmond's cousin Nolan Byrd[[94]] had started discovering a scandal at his own school, a scandal involving most likely no other than our former substitute dean, Dr. Sheila Voss, currently headmaster at Nolan's school.

I would not have wondered about a connection between Ms. Voss and the whole bunch of "Hammers", either here or elsewhere.

Edmond promised to tell his cousin to take the whole thing.

Last year, there had been one fat scandal in the management of "James K. Polk".

A responsible official known as Hal E. Burton[[95]] had abused massive amounts of money from the school's funds for his own purposes.

Only the feisty intervention of the school's newspaper under the supervision of Mr. Monroe, their teacher for life science, had put an end to the scandal.

Of course this would have been impossible with our school's news team.

Jeremiah Trottman was rather one to promote a scandal in order to be able to report about it.

But a combination of Mr. Monroe and Nolan Byrd would possibly be able to break "These Old Hammers".

Of course these was not easy.

Many honourable alumni of the Pacific Coast Academy and of some other schools had been "Hammers", including Dean Rivers.

Was it really possible to stop that organisation?

Chapter 40. Silly Crush

40.1. The Ruthless Casanova

Michael Barret's latest discovery, as alredy mentioned, was Lisa Perkins. She was selected for the recall of popular casting show America Sing[[96]], and most likely going to get very far.

Her voice was great.

Michael, on the other hand, sang like a foolish idiot, at least in the public. Last year, he had impressed many people at the "Open Mic Night".

But that had only been due to his patched voice and play back.

I had been stupid enough to help him with the technical aspect of this corruption. And I was uttermost deeply ashamed for this debauchery.

Lola had begged me to do so.

But now I was not going any longer to bow down to the tyrannical dictatorship imposed upon uus sophomores by Lola Martinez.

In addition, Michael had still not seen it necessary to break up with Vanessa first before hankering after the next girl.

This equally stupid crush had started last spring term.

I had not noticed much of it.

Back then, the depression of Otis had held me ball and chain.

Michael had been dumb enough to bet with Chase and Logan, and to loose the bet miserably.

It was about rthe possibility of avoiding a certain letter of the alphabet, more precisely, the "s".

And there were two appearances of this letter in the name of his crush girl.

Sooner or later, Michael had been unable to avoid breaking down and lose the bet. He had thus been forced to dress in a more than humiliating and embarrassing outfit and cross the whole campus in the plauin daylights in that idiotic outfit.

It served him well.

Fortunately, I had lost my respect for Michael Barret already at that point. Otherwise I would have slipped into the same stream of decadence and corruption.

Edmond Bigby had unfortunately been in a similar situation during his time at middle school. He seemed to have been intp Jenifer Mosely, Suzanne Crabgrass, and some "Missy Meany", aforementioned female equivalent to Logan Reese, at the same time.

At the end of eighth grade, Jenifer Mosely had seemed to end up with him. But she could do a lot better and thus rightfully trashed Ned Bigby right after the summer break.

Ned had written something about dates in his guide, especially the traps of parallel dates. But he had apparently made the wrong choice.

Maybe each of the three choices would have been wrong.

Anyways, the start of the sales of his School Survival Guide was perfect.

Any amount of flaming sarcasm in commenting the situation of boys making a fool of themselves for an insane and inappropriate crush was totally in order, anyways.

There could never be enough of it.

Staunch geek boys like Cal would never have committed any fraud of that sort.

40.2. Another Idiotic Bet

This leads us forcelessly to another, equally perverted and stupid bet.

That one was only between Chase Bartholomew Matthews and Logan Reese, though.

The two of them had been frequently playing a video game about race carts.

Chase had beaten all high scores.

Logan claimed sarcastically,

You may be the best at this game.

But with real carts, I would beat the living crap out of you.

They agreed on getting a race cart each and meat agin for a death match, just a few days later.

Of course Logan could afford a really expensive race cart. He was thus in a betetr position.

For that reason, Chase and Lola begged me to tune his cart, really a lawn mower from the trash yard of Joe Braxley, the local greasemonkey.

This sounded like a lot of fun, though.

But fun was not paramount.

I had almost got Dean Rivers's face mutilated beyong recognition with a tuned miniature plain.

At least a race track on the campus was too dangerous.

If at all, they should look for a real race track.

40.3. Savage To The Rescue

As reported, my career at Qualitech was substantially owed to my tuning of the Jet-X prototypes.

Mr. Savage still remembered that.

But where had the original edition of their scooters been developed and tested?

There was an easy answer.

Qualitech had almost got a race track on its own.

Well, it was shared with other companies.

Unfortunately, we would have to go pretty far for it.

The race track for security tests was out there in the barren wastelands of Los Alamos.

And, according to Mr. Savage, renting it for a cart race was perfectly possible.

It was not cheap, though.

But Logan could easily pay for it.

So why would we bother in the first case.

Yet, to make it more interesting, the race should not just have been between Logan and Chase.

Ned wanted to participate in the race in order to impress girls.

That was not unexpected.

Having been dumped by Jenifer Mosely, Edmond Bigby was now up to facing the thrill in order to grab either Suzanne Crabgrass or Mercedes Griffin alias "Missy Meany".

Likewise, Ryan Laserbeam was totally interested. He was younger than us, but still fatally determined to beat his opponents..

40.4. Michael's Misery

At the same time, Zoey and Lola had tried to give Michael another occasion to impress Lisa Perkins.

Michael was participating once more in the open Mic Night.

This time, I would not manipulate and patch anything.

As already said, this would have been clearly beneath my dignity.

Zoey and Lola had arranged for Lisa to sit in the front row.

But what did Michael Barret dare to do?

He was now excessively scared by Lisa's very presence — especially in the front row, right in front of Michael's face — and puked all over the stage, even hitting Lisa.

This was really abominable.

It was the right time for my counter plot.

In order to improve her career, Lisa Perkins was certainly in desperate need of some decent instrumental backup.

I had asked Camille.

My cousin was now a student at nearby Palmwood. And she was thus in close contact with the scene and certainly able to come up with a few rock and pop bands.

The boys in those band were often really hot, totally unlike Michael Barret.

This should get Lisa fixed and stay away from losers like Michael Barret.

Buy now I better thought about tuning Chase's race cart.

For someone able to build a space ship from scratch, this was certainly not too difficult.

And with trusty Cal's help, I would even be able to get the carts to fly!

Chapter 41. Martial Machine

41.1. Wrestling Regionals

As afirementioned, the football team of Pacific Coast Academy had failed in the Californian playoffs due to the expulsion of Vincent Blake. Without their standard quarterback, they got crushed by the team of "James K. Polk".

Their quarterback Billy Loomer was able to crush hazelnuts with his blank skull.

Seth Powers, also a leading member of their basketball team, was the best ball thrower between Maine and Mexico.

Our jocks had to look for annother source if victory.

This was possible during the upcoming wrestling regionals.

Logan Reese was the most important member of our wrestling team.

This was simplified by his lack of a brain.

The same was valid for Duke Blatzberg[[97]]

Sarah Kyla would have beaten them all. But she could not participate in the wrestling team. Otherwise she would have blown her cover and reveiled herself as a body guard. She was also a great cheerleader, though.

I had already seen that at the pageants, many years ago.

There was not as much cheerleading going on for the wrestling, though.

Funnily, Zoey Brooks was in that team, too.

Well, girls have got the advantage of an improve pelvis angle.

Really, Zoey had stopped a campus fight between two middle school guys and was chosen for that. But she had to go through a lot of training in order to improve her fitness.

This would be necessary in order to face no other than Chuck Javers[[98]], the invincible wrestling machine.

41.2. Sands Of Redstone Gulch

We had already started with our experiments.

Cal had started gathering some of the soil of Redstone Gulch for biohemical analysis.

Using means of spectroscopy it was possible to detect the presence of rare minerals and compare the consistency with that of the grounds of Guadalapecho.

It was not easy to get the necessary ingredients.

The way through the barren wastelands near the coastal braes was dangerous.

Cal had not dared to make it on his own. He had to bribe a few kids into doing that for him.

Really, it was a group of rangers kids guided by one Walter Nichols, the father of aforementioned Josh Nichols.

Walter was not ony a ranger chieftain, but also a weather reporter.

But his weather forecasts were not really reliable.

I preferred Bruce Windchill[[99]].

His hair styling was a lot better than Walter's, anyways.

And the kids got lost in a little forrest.

What a sort of an idiot was Walter Nichols, anyways?

The soil from Redstone Gulch was certainly as dry as about in each desert.

But not each sort of cactus grows equally well in each sort of bone dry soul.

The Guadalapecho variant needed a certain combination of minerals.

Unfortunately, Cal's first results did not look very ecouraging.

I better counterchecked.

But there was little hope.

The minerals found at Redstone Gulch did not contain one of the elements composing the alcaloid found in the juice of the Guadalapecho cactus.

Cal admitted to having used only a very crude spectroscopial method.

I was going to use a more precise one.

Cal had got another idea. "New Mexico is full of deserts, like that of os Alamos."

As aforementioned, I was going to fly there for the race of the year between Logan Reese, Chase Bartholomew Matthews, Edmond Bigby, and Ryan Leslie Laserbeam.

With the help of Qualitech, I would be able to analyse the soil of Los Alamos, right around the race track.

I had still got some scars from handling the stingy plants.

But with the biggest progress in the history of the cultivation of cactus plants in sight, those wounds would soon be forgotten, no, they would turn into the stigmata of victory.

41.3. Lisa goes to Palmwood

As aforementioned, I had started to try to get Lisa Perkins safely away from Michael Barret, the obnoxious polygamist creep.

Accidentally, rumours appeared to spread excessively fast on the campus of Palmwood.

Three girls named Jenifer had contacted one of the greatest record producers alive.

It was no other than immortal Gustavo Rocque, owner of Rocque Records.

And today, Lisa Perkins got a new message from said record freak.

Spin City Records[[100]] , one of the most dangerous competitors of Rocque Records, had been started negotiating with aforementioned Drake Parker.

Gustavo needed something to beat that.

And Lisa Perkins was the best female singer of her generation.

Gustavo Rocque could not help but offer her a contract for a new record.

More precisely, the decision would still depend on the judgment of no other than Mr. Griffin, father of aforementioned Mercedes Griffin.

He was the very guy standing above Rocque Records.

Even more, the project was a mixed band.

With Lisa Perkins as their lead singer, they would rock the world of rock.


For Lisa, this implied a move from Pacific Coast Academy to Palmwood.

Of course, the latter was just a few miles away.

But each mile counted.

41.4. Beaten Up

Due to my preparationds for the trip to Los Alamos, I had not got much time to care about the wrestling crap.

Zoey eneded up hurt badly by Chuck Javers, after only five seconds of a fight.

Doc Hollywood had got to patch her together.

The local nurse was by no means able to.

Zoey had not had to fight any other boy.

Unlike Chuck Javers, those filthy creeps were all perverted jerks unable to deem girls worthy as an opponent.

Zoey would survive it, albeit with some scars on her skin.

After the whole event, Logan got into the way of Chuck Javers and got beat up badly, too. He had certainly deserved it. Of course he had just intervened as a means of boasting in front of girls.

Vulgar girls areobsessed with boys getting beaten up when intervening on their for their sake.

Chuck Javers remained unbeaten and untamable.

Maybe Kyla could have stopped him, though. But she was Ashley's body guard, not the right hand of the campus security team.

Alas, I had to wonder about something:" Is Chuck Javers really a human? Or has he been manipulated with drugs and radioactivity? " I just had to find out.

Chapter 42. Rain Storm

42.1. Spring Time

Winter time was coming to an end.

My spring break was planned to be spent on the race track in Los Alamos.

Chase wanted it to be after his birthday.

That was understandable.

The weather was already wonderful over here, though, perfect for a spring party.

42.2. Rebecca's Comeback

At the beginning of the year, Chase was hanging out with this Rebecca girl.

It was certainly fake.

They appeared to have desisted from thopse "dates".

But according to Wayne, Rebecca was uop to something evil.

She had got some important informations about Zoey, informations to be made public. She wanted to bribe Wayne into helping her with his technical knowledge.

But Wayne refused to do so.

Rebecca was now certainly up to more trouble.

42.3. The Grandmother

Chase's favourite grandmother was born the same day of the year, of course with many a year inbetween.

Zoey Brooks had thence got the idea of secretly invitin her to Chase's birthday party.

Logan Reese wanted a peach party, with all girls in bikinis. He was just one sexist jerk, just as usual.

Michael Barret appeared not much better.

Zoey did not approve of this abstruse perversity. She commanded a pyjama party.

Chase had to finish some stupid and lame assignment first.

At least the weather report was great for Chase's birthday.

According to aforementioned Walter Nichols, everything was going to be bright, warm, and sunny for the enxt four days.

But I did not really trust Walter Nichols.

There was not much reason to do so.

Cal had learned this the hard way.

The alternative weather report by Bruce Windchill looked a lot different.

Heavy rain storms were possible.

It was just not possible to say where and when.

The blond Mary Sue only wanted to see the report by Walter Nichols, though.

And nobody wanted to contradict her.

42.4. Evil Vendor Machine

There was still no progress concerning the things sold in our vendor machines.

But "Shadowwolf" and "Shredderman" alias Nolan Byrd were about discovering a connection between the headmasters and the vendor machine frenchising companies.

According to their first results, some principals of Californian schools were also vice principals of the greatest corporation in this business.

This sounded already creepy.

Of course I could not yet prove anything.

But maybe this was just a matter of time.

Now I walked along the campus.

Lola was standing at one of the vendor machines, trying to get some candy bar from it.

But nothing seemed to work.

Lola tried to punch it.

But she just hurt herself.

Unfortunately, my attempt of kicking the machine just goit my sixth toe on my right foot stubbed.

And then vice principal Thatcher[[101]] walked past us and was upset upon our feeble attaempts.

We were not allowed to hurt the machine.

Any complaints had to be filed at the administration office.

Refunds would be made after a thorough examination of the situation.

That was the usual crap.

I pondered about a way of proving Thatcher's involvement in the scandal of the vendor machines, as partly discovered by the aforementioned reliable researchers.

Dustin Brooks walked up to us.

We explained the situation unto the little bugger.

Dustin offered to stick his arm into the ejection slot and grab her the fruit doodle cake.

I shook my head.

The machine had probably been manipulated.

I am not yet able to prove it

There must be a way to observe it secretly from afar, without getting noticed by Thatchwer and his gang.

Dustin and Lola did not exactly understand this.

But Thatchers first reaction had reinforced my opinion about the manipulation.

My quinnoculars would probably have been distracted badly by the heavy metal case of the apparatus.

Ultrasonic tomography appeared to me like a solution.

I tried hard to explain this unto Dustin and Lola.

Ultrasonic tomography involves recording the patterns of scattering of ultrasonic waves in matter.

Those are waves of sound of a frequency above the upper threshold of audibility for average humans.

Bats, for example, are using some natural form of ultrasonic tomography in order to navigate in narrow caves and find their prey in the darkness.

They did not really understand.

In the case of Lola Martinez, this had been inevitable.

She was dumber than my Alpaca. She just replied, "I am not bat girl!"

Wayne had once asked her to play bat girl in the next edition of one of his suoperhero movies.

But Dustin still had got some potential.

I did not have the necessary tools at my hand to apply that principle to the vendor machine without getting caught on site.

Cal would have to come to my rescue once more.

But it would certainly be worth it.

It was one big scandal to unveil.

42.5. The Party

Bruce Windchill had been right.

It was the worst rain storm here at Malibu since my arrival.

From Santa Barbara to San Diego, everything looked the same.

Walter Nichols was such an idiot.

I was busy making sketches for the ultrasonic tomograph.

This prevented me to go to the birthday party of Chase.

His grandmother had not been able to make it there for health reason.

This reduced Chase's birthday joy to quite some degree.

It was one party for shallow minded people, anyways.

I had prepared my pyjama anyways, just in case. I had invented some illumination for it.

Zoey would be able to combine them with her talent for fashion design and make a fortune by selling illuminated and fashionable clothes, such as bandannas, socks, boxer briefs, ties, and so on.

Finally, my sketch was complete.

All of a sudden, my cellular phone rang.

I picked it up. "Quinndelyn Pensky …"

Wayne Gilbert was calling me form the party.

"Quinn, come over to the party, it is urgent."

I gasped. "What is?"

Wayne was apparently out of breath.

His last words were "Rebecca is here, rigged and ready for wreaking havoc."

The busty latina was hardly up to any good.

42.6. Rubbing Salt Into Wounds

I arrived completely out of breath.

What was going on?

Chase was consternated for some reason.

Rebecca growled, "I had to play your girlfriend." She muttered something about the due payment for her service. "Making out with you is the most disgusting job ever for an actress."

Zoey looked aghast. "Chase? have you …"

Michael grunted,

Can't you be quiet?

Chase has just lost his favourite grandmother.

Rebecca grinned sadistically. "Very good!" She started laughing. "By the way, it was all Lola's idea."

Zoey growled, "Lola?" She grabbed her best friend. "What was that supposed to mean?"

Lola trembled and stammered. "Trina … er … Rebecca … is …"

Chase was just crying.

And Zoey yelled at him. "You have planned all that with Lola, inclusing the death threats?"

Rebecca alias Trina Vega grunted, "I am Lola's cousin. I have been paid for getting you jealous." Actually, at the beginning of the year, she had blackmailed Zoey into stayin g away from Chase and desist from being friends.

Thereupon Chase had feigned trashing Rebecca.

Actually, this had been just another calculated move.

Chase had wanted to make Zoey jealous in a very dramatical manner. And now he got his desserts.

I pitied Chase, anyways.

He had lost his grandma and was now subject for Zoey's infinite wrath, all this within less than due hours. Was he going to survive this?

After this revelation and Zoey's reactions, any chances for Zoey and Chase were destroyed for good.

Would Chase survive this onslaught upon his mental health?

Nobody was able to help him.

Chase's tears started flooding the foyer of "Maxwell Hall".

The same way, the rain storm started flooding the campus.

That was no good.

Chapter 43. The torture goes on.

43.1. Deluge

Both the tears of Chase Bartholomew Matthews and the rain drops from above had been flooding the campus for four days straight.

Finally, the clouds were about withdrawing from coastal southern California and making their way to Nevada.

Chase's tears were coming to an end.

And this was not due to any sort of comfort.

His glands were just running dry.

Doc Hollywood had to come and treat the bushy dork with painful infusions of mineral solutions.

This reminded me of the project involving the cactus plants from guadalapecho.

Spring break had started.

But Chase Bartholomew Matthews was in absolutely no mood for a cart race.

The whole race stuff had to be postponed.

There needed to be some repairs here on teh campus.

Edmond Bigby's home had suffered damages, too.

Only Logan would not have minded making an excursion to New Mexico with the helicopter of teh Reese family.

Fortunately, Mindy and I had built a portable power generator able to supply the whole Pacific Coast Academy.

It was using compressed pulverised uranium.

Cal had found new upstream sources for this.

This power generator helped us to bridge the shortcoming of the public power supplies.

Qualitech was not unlikely to produce it.

Now my research on the power engine made even more fun.

We had started this project after aforementioned power failure at the begin of my freshman year.

And now we had entered it for the national science fair.

The decision had not yet been made.

But it looked good, at least so far.

Aforementioned Mr. Jamerson was going to be the main umpire.

This way I had already got a good feeling.

But the feeling induced by seeing the turmoil and chaos going on on the campus was anything but good.

But the repairs started working out well.

This was not just due to my power generator, but also due to the insane efforts of greasemonkey Joe Braxley.

43.2. Screaming

Lola Martinez had now admitted to her deeds concerning Chase and Rebecca alias Trina. She had been annoyed, just like almost everyone, by Chase's cowardice, preventin him from fessing up straight to Zoey. Thus she had ggot the idea of making Zoey jealous.

This had already almost worked out back when abusing Chase for her kissing practice.

But her cousin Trina had seemed even more suited as a jealousy maker. In turn, the busty Latina had required a musical written just for her. She was convinced of being the greatest future musical star living under the sun of California. She alaso wanted to be the next American supermodel.

Lola's career was much more straightforward.

She wanted to storm Hollywood's halls of fame with her next r^ocirc;le in a movie made by Malcolm Reese.

The movie featuread a screeming girl.

In order to prepare for the upcoming auditioning for the movie, Lola had to scream a lot, and as noisy as can be.

Ashley Blake was trying out for the same rôle.

This appered to be interesting.

But the screams were hard to bear.

Especially Chase was going to suffer from nightmares. He was connecting Lola's practice squeals with imagined death screams of his grandmother.

This was of course horrible.

Zoey did not care. She was no longer talking to either of them, anyways.

Hirong another girl in order to make Zoey jealous, after the cowardly text message, was just too much to forgive.

And Lola's support was by no means easier to excuse.

During one of Lola's screams, the blond Mary Sue accidentally ran into a hitherto unbeknownst guy named Danny.

As usual, Zoey agreed on a date.

That was of course absurd.

Zoey had just rubbed tons of salt into the wounds of a goosd friend, and now she was going to humiliating him even more by dating another boy completely unknown, just due to his "incredibly cute" looks. She had been sinking really deep.

In that case, she could as well have stuck to Logan Reese, right in the first year at Pacific Coast Academy.

Anyways, I asked briefly around.

There were many bioys at Pacific Coast Academy named "Danny".

But nobody knew that of Zoey Brooks.

43.3. Dennifer

At the same time, Stacey Dillsen had found a date named Dennifer.

According to Stacey, he was tall and blond, a typical rake.

There was something awfully fishy.

No guy like Dennifer would even risk taking a look at my dorkish roomie and her cotton swabs.

Dennifer must have been playing vicious games with Stacey. He did not think to be able to get away with it, did he?

I called Mindy with my cellular phone.

She was certainly able to make the blond creep pay for making fun of Stacey Dillsen.

43.4. Machine Manipulation

In the meatime, Cal had been able to get me the ultrasonic device.

I could have built one on mu own.

But it would have been unhandy,

And we needed to hide it well in order to prevent it from being seen by the ruthless henchmen of Dean Rivers.

The device was small, indeed. And it was equipped with a wireless transmission facility.

Wayne had just readied the fire wire port of a transponder device connected to his laptop computer.

This way he could watch and analyse the results from afar.

At the same time, Nolan Byrd and , the shadow agents, had been busily researching the situation at some other schools.

According to their estimates, about eighty percent of the schools in the counties of Santa Barbara, Los Angeles, Orange, and San Diego were reporting problems with those vendor machines, problems comparable to those of Lola Martinez.

43.5. Evil Guys

My guesses about Dennifer had come true.

The guy had laughed about Stacey's cotton swab when talking to another girl, Maria Misa[[102]].

Mindy had recorded it with her portable digital video cam.

And Danny was hardly any better.

Stacey did not want to believe it. But she would understand it just a bit later.

Both Dennifer and Danny would disappear a few days later, anyways.

Zoey deserved that lesson.

But Stacey was a different thing. She would maybe never be able trust a boy again.

Alas, her situation was way less critical than that of Chase bartholomew Matthews.

The bushy dweeb had stopped eating and even talking to Michael Barret.

This was no good.

Chapter 44. This Ol' Radio

44.1. Dustin goes on a camping trip.

Spring was now almost gone.

The last weeks of this academic year were in front of us.

The sixth graders were now rigged and ready for a long envisioned field trip into the forests of Yosemite park.

Dustin was among them.

Zoey Brooks was preaching her little brother about the things to do or not to do during such a trip.

Dustin was pretty much annoyed.

Sandy and Dustin had lived pretty soon apart after last year's spring break.

Their relationship had appeared more or less arranged by their elder sisters.

Once finding out, they lost pretty much their interest.

Dustin was now up to giving it one more chance.

44.2. Soil Restructured

At the same time, I received some important message from Cal.

Truth spoken, he had reanalysed the soil of the barren wastelands not far from our campus.

Their consistence had changed, probably due to the recent rain storm.

The rain must have been replete with minerals.

Cal was not yet sure about their origin.

But, after all, the soil's chemical composition appeared now much more suitable for growing the Guadalapecho cactus with its typical fluids, especially the alcaloid substance providing it with its perfect taste.

Unfortunately we did not yet know about the biochemical processes turning the minerals found in the soil of Guadalapecho into the precious substance.

It must have to do with special ferments.

It was now our job to insulate them.

They could not come from nothingness.

The availability of the elements contained in the alcalois was one thing.

The possibility of producing them was a different subject.

And maybe here we overlapped with Dr. Jamerson's research.

Nevertheless, we were a little step closer now to the possibility of raising the cactus of Guadalapecho.

44.3. The G.O.

Life on the campus could be totally boring without some good music, every now and then.

My development of the automatic trombone was now completed.

During the Christmas break, I had contacted once more Nevel Papperman in order to give them the final accoustic polish.

Now it worked perfectly.

Samantha could now play the trombone any time.

Alas, this was not necessarily everyone's taste, and not everywhere and every time a day.

Fortunately Sam did not know about the origin of the improvements. She was hopelessly intolerant and certainly totally unable to appreciate the works of a weird genius like Nevel Papperman.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews was even more in need of good music. He had been on the way of recovering slowly. Anbd he had recently asked his grandfather for the money for a new G.O., i.e. a portable device for replaying music files.

The latter had been invented by Cal, like, three years ago.

I have added some improvements.

Anyways, the thing was not unexpensive.

Today, Chase Matthews received a parcel.

It looked a big too large for a few bills.

Chase concluded, "grandpa Joe[[103]] must have sent me the a G.O.!"

44.4. Model Fada

Half a day later, I heard about the real content of the parcel.

It was not a modern G.O., but a radio from the last world war.

Some artists and collectors would certainly have spent quite a few bucks for such a thing.

I was looking it up.

It was a "Model Fada"[[104]] , worth some ten thousand bucks.

Chase, unaware of the value, was utterly disappointed.

Wayne and Mindy took a look at the web site depicting such an old model.

Wayne gasped. "hey, I remember the radio."

We glared at him.

Wayne continued, "yeah, here at Pacific Coast Academy. It was, like … two years ago."

Quinn wondered, "wow, they are maybe not that rare, after all?"

Wayne tried to remember. "That's it. There was one of these in '101 Butler Hall', the room of …"

I gasped, "Zoey, Dana, and Nicole?"

Wayne cackled in his usual manner.

Zoey had seen Chase's radio a few minutes ago. She had not noticed anything. Or she feigned being ignorant.

That may have been a reason.

Too bad Dana and Nicole were not around.

OK, Dana was in France, probably still at the school of André Chaumont.

This was pretty far away.

I wanted to help Chase find a collector willing to spend loads of bucks on nthat thing.

Collectors were usually cool people.

I collected rare toe nails.

Sinjin van Cleef was more into rare teeth, but for artistic reasons.

Maybe some modern artist out there was willing to purchase an old radio for a sculpture made of old radios?

But before selling it, we needed to make sure the origin of the ancient device.

It could have belonged to Dana or Nicole.

I went to the interweb page of Dana's boarding school and left a message.

Maybe Dana would be informed about it.

But Nicole was a different subject.

Mindy scratched her head. "Wait, Nicole was that annoying bimbo wench?"

I nodded solemnly.

Mindy remarked, "she is possibly at 'Eastridge High'."

This was a school for girls only, atthe other end of Los Angeles.

Mindy explained, "I have tutored some girls over there, girls making fuun of some Nicole Bristow."

I choked.

That was one hot trace to follow.

44.5. Eastridge

Looking around at Eastridge was not much of a difficult task.

There were also the same vendor machines with the same unhealthy candy and the same troubles as those at Pacific Coast Academy.

The principal over here was probably as corrupt as Dean Rivers and vice principal Thatcher.

And there she was: The one and only Nicole Bristow.

I had actaully missed her a bit.

Unfortunately she was even more bimboish than before. She squealed at the top of her lungs upon noticing me.

I sighed deeply.

Half an hour lady, she was ready to take a look at the picture of the old radio.

Nicole gasped. "That is it! Zoey's old radio!"

I thanked the bimbo wench.

Nicole kept on talking about the good old times.

Zoey had thus feigned ignorance.

I invited Nicole to come with me to out campus for half a day.

Mindy would take us there in her car.

I saw something in Mindy's eyes.

What was that?

Chapter 45. National Science Fair

45.1. The Message

Indeed there had been an important message awaiting me back at Pacific Coast Academy:

Our project, for the national science fair, aforementioned universal power transformer, had been awarded with the first prize by the foundation running this contest!

Mr. Jamerson was responsible for that. He was certainly the best science teacher of the whole nation. And he deemed us the smartest heads of our generation.

Why could there be nobody like him here at Pacific Coast Academy?

Instead, we have to torture us with creeps like Mrs. Bromwell and Mr. Beringer.

The latter had always wanted to work in a zoological garden instead of teaching at a school.

The former was obsessed with Chase's excessively bushy hair and more interested in the question about its consinstence than in science..

Dean Rivers wanted to make a big fuss about it and get all the tabloid press people admire us. But what had he ever done for my project?

Cal had been most helpful delivering the important ingredients for our research.

Wayne Gilbert helped every now and then. But he was appartently more interested in building Galaxy Wars droid clones and implants turning people into superheroes instead of our power transformation.

In other words, the main support Mindy and I had got at this school were each other.

What good would those journalists do?

Jeremiah Trottman was one creep of a paparazzo.

I had already heard of worse ones, such as Robert Shapiro from Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.

So there was an impending public demonstration of our machine.

45.2. An Offer For The Radio

Mindy had forwarded Chase's interest in seeling the old radio to the interweb.

And there were pretty fast quite a few replies.

The highest was that of one Spencer Shay from Seattle.

He was bidding twenty thousands of bucks.

Wait a minute!

Spencer Shay was possibly related to aforementioned old shark Mr. Shay, or to Samantha's friend Carly, or even both of them.

I had to ask Sam.

She grinned hysterically. "Spencer is indeed the 'guardian' of Carly." She growled, "as in 'responsible'."

I shrugged. "What do you mean?"

Sam laughed. "I could tell you stories. But I do not want to."

I sighed.

45.3. Impending Demonstration

Our device had already been working greatly during the deluge, without anyone noticing.

And now those monkeys from the nearby tabloid papers were going to write about it and laurel Dean Rivers for this.

Of course this was totally unfair.

Mindy cleaned our machine once more.

Wayne helped her. "You better replace the rusty module."

I choked. "A rusty module?"

Wayne shrugged.

Mindy counterchecked. "Oh goodness!" She suspired. "This is terrible."

Now I had to see it, tool.

This did not look nice.

But with or without Cal's help, it would take us several days to replace it.

And Cal was on a trip to the European centre for nuclear research. He could not too much to correct it until his return, except by remote communication.

With that module rotten, it was impossible for us to continue.

The rain must have been responsible for the water damager.

Or had there been a deliberate onslaught?

I did not want to think about it.

Continuing with this partly spoiled module would have been a security risk for the whole campus.

We already envisioned the potential panic going on on the campus.

But telling off the whole demonstration would have caused even more public speculations.

The paparazzi would have shown up in order to ask us.

45.4. Arrested

We had not dared to tell the dean about the troubles.

Now the campus was chock full.

Could we really hide the troubles?

Wayne had suggested some dramatic cold run, fooling the journalists and Dean Rivers with powers from a different source.

But this dishonesty could have backfired later on.

Dean Rivers insisted in pushing the button.

Now I was responsible for telling Dean Rivers about the technical troubles.

My head started burning.

In this moment, some megaphome was heard from across the campus. "This is Officer Vega[[105]] , Los Angeles county police."

Dean Rivers started turning nervous.

The megaphone continued,

Mr. Carl Rivers! You are under arrest.

Everything said be you will be held agaisnt you.

You're entitled to call a lawyer, get released until your official trials on parole, …

Dean Rivers tried to hide.

Panic sized the campus.

Apparently, our headmaster was now getting the desired public attention, alas not exactly in the most pleasant way. But what exactly did he get arrested for?

45.5. The Mean Cheater

Needless to say, the demonstration of our power converter was to be postponed, with or without us admitting to technical problems.

We could sigh for excessive relief.

Officer Vega was by the way the father of aforementioned Trina Vega.

But this did not hurt us for the time being.

At least he was going to expalin the reasons for the arrest.

Vice principal Crubs had been arrested a day earlier by officer Vega and admitted to belonging to a ring of mean teachers cheating on the people with manipulated vendor machines. He had mentioned a few names, including Dean Rivers, a certain Mrs. Heyfer from San Diego, and aforementioned Dr. Sheila Voss.

Indeed, the revelation of this scandal had been forwarded by "Shadowwolf" and by "Shredderman".

Our ultrasonic measurements had been very helpful.

Our school's board was now faced with the necessity of nominating a substitute headmaster, just as after the miniature plane crash.

This time, the chosen one was some Dean Taylor[[106]] from Harvard in Massachusetts.

This was not only the birthplace of Stacey Dillsen, but also the seat of one of the best university for scientists nad engineers, viz. Massachusetts Institute for Technology, also known as MIT.

And Mr. Jamerson happened to have graduated from there.

Now said Institute was offering me and Mindy full scholarships at their organisation.

But Cal had at the same time been able to talk the regents of Caltech into giving me and Mindy something comparable.

Mindy was now graduating from Pacific Coast Academy.

Her departure was impending, anyways..

I still had got two years left at high school.

But I was thus able to start taking courses at college while still being at high school.

This of course would restrict my spare time even more.

But it was probably worth the trouble.

Of course the MIT was too far away.

Thus "Caltech" was my choice.

This way, I would be closer to Cal.

But all this transformation from a high school girl to a college girl would start only after the impending summer break.

Chapter 46. We are on the race track.

46.1. Summer Break

Chase had recovered by now.

This was essentially due to the intervention of Nicole Bristow.

The bimbo wench had forced Zoey to come up with some explanation. She would now come and visit us more often.

Zoey had felt miserable for rubbing salt into Chase's wounds by dating Danny not long after the death of Chase's beloved grandmother. Thus she had sent him her grandmother's radio.

So, how had the ancient device made it into a parcel sent by grandpa Joe?

Really, Chase has screwed it up long ago. He had given his grandpa the address of Zoey Brooks as his own.

That had happened way over a year ago.

Chase had been so mad. He had only been able of thinking of Zoey. He was too confused to write down any other address than hers, not even his own.

As a consequence, Zoey had obtained a parcel from Chase's grandpa. She had not counterchecked the label before opening it.

The parcel had been essentially empty, barring a notice saying somthing to the avail of "Back at high school, I had not got anything for my entertainment but this:".

In other words, Chase's grandpa had not got anything for this entertainment at all.

Zoey deemed this reply by grandpa Scroodge completely perverse.

The old miser would have killed Chase with this message.

According to Zoey's humble opinion, an old radio would have been better than nothing.

Thus she had put the old device into the parcel and resealed it, adding the correct address and snuck it back into the post office.

This way, Chase had received Zoey's old radion, thinking of it as a gift from his grandpa.

That was one tricky story.

And now the radio was in the hands of Spencer Shay.

Chase had not wanted ywenty thousand bucks, he just wanted the latest G.O.

And Spencer happened to have bought a new one.. He happily exchanged it for an additional old radio for his collection for a sculpture to be made.

46.2. The Turbo Lawnmower

And this was Los Alamos, the idyllic place in the barren old wastelands of New Mexico.

I epected people in New Mexico looking just like Mexicans, but more modern.

But that did not appear corrects.

There were even some blond people living here.

This was, of course, of no relevanec for my project of cultivating the cactus of Guadalapecho.

Logan complained about Chase's restructured lawn mowers. "Some of the changes do not match with the riules."

But there had not been any rules.

Of course, the race lawnmower was not exactly easy to use.

I had to explain a lot of buttoins.

The most important trigger was the turbo booser.

Chase would not have been able to compete with Logan and his southern American import.

The race track itself was secured in multiple ways.

Mr. Savage had increased the security measures for our contest.

Ned Bigby and Ryan Laserbeams were already there.

I could not appraise their engines that fast.

But they did hardly have the power to fly.

Cal was with us. He counterchecked the thermonuclear propulsion booster. "Oh yeah, that looks perfectly OK!"

46.3. The race is on.

Lola Martinez wanted desperately to swing the flag for opening the race.

It was a plaid banner.

The race was not to be seen live on any channel.

But there would be a record of it to be broadcast on PCA News channel after the end of the summer break.

Other schools would do something very similar.

And Lola was still addicted to being seen on public channels. She had bougfht some extra outfit for this occasion.

This was now even more important than ever.

Lola had lost the insane screaming contest, oops, the auditions for aforementioned movie, to Ashley Blake. Now she had been recast for a side rôle. She was by no means satisfied.

Ryan Laserbeam was totally convinced of his driving qualities.

Mr. Jamerson had helped him tuning the cart, making it start like seven hundred times faster than a run out of the mill lawnmower, oops, race cart.

This was of course quite some serious competition.

But was young Ryan Laserbeam really able to handle the raw power of Mr. Jamerson's upgrades?

Edmond Bigby appeared to be the most determined.

His cart had been built from scratch by Simon Nelson Cooke.

Logan needed to check his face in a mirror right before the start.

The carts had gir a built in mirror, used for looking behind.

The dandy of Hollywood insisted in some exrtra polish for his cart's mirror. He wanted to be able to adore his own Adonis-like face during the race.

Mr. Savage was responsible for the start signal. "Attention, here comes the countdown."

Logan, Ned, Chase, and Ryan were in their holes.

Mr. Savage continued, "start in five … four … three … two …"

Lola swang the flag.

The boys had been waiting for the one.

But the latter never came.

According to Mr. Savage, the one was totally uncool.

Lola did not understand why. But she followed the boss's instructions.

Now the carts were finally in motion.

Ryan's lack of experience, alas, made his adventure out on the race track a decidedly short-lived one.

Ryab steered his race cart right into the next obstacle.

The built-in catapult seat slang Ryan highn into the air.

The paraglider opened and made Ryan land safely in the engineers' lounge zone.

Ryan was apparently totally dizzy. "Wow! That was fast!" He concluded, "so I have won?"

I had to disappoint him. "No, you have been kicked out early."

Mr. Jamerson explained the details.

I listened totally excited to his explanations.

They were so technical.

Ned, Logan, and Chase were still left.

The bushy dork was way behind the two others. He talked into his micro chip,

I have found the turbo trigger.

But Ned and Logan block all the road.

That was unfortunate.

Chase would have crashed from behind into Logan and Ned.

But there was one easy way past them.

I told Chase to keep the Ctrl button pressed down and then pull the trigger.

Chase did not understand. But he followed my instructions.


Given enough power, pigs were able to fly.

The cart of Chase flew over the heads of consternated Logan and Ned. Then it landed again on the road.

Unfortunately, I had not thought about some of the problems caused by the imact.

Chase was not able to control the cart for quite a few moments.

Logan and Ned could have used Chase's confusion in order to pass him again. Buy they had not even anticipated the possibility of bying passed using the airways.

In addition, Logan was accustomed to watching his face in the mirror when getting passed. He did not want to look ugly.

So it was now Chase, then Ned, and finally Logan.

And this situation would not change any longer until the end of the race.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews was the first winner of Qualitech's "Grand Prix of Los Alamos".

Logan and Edmond were consternated.

No girl was looking for losers like those.

Or so they imagined.

Chapter 47. Customer Of The Week

47.1. Back On The Campus

The summer break had been very crazy.

But now it was time to return safely to Pacific Coast Academy.

Junior year could be very exciting.

There was junior prom.

Of course, I would not go to it like most other girls. I would just use it for demonstrating my new inventions.

47.2. Dean Taylor

The successor of Dean Rivers was not only younger, but also a lot nicer amd cooler than Dean Rivers.

Girls flocked atround him in droves, including Lola Martinez and Zoey Brooks.

Fortunately I had not been sinking down to their low level.

Oh, the vendor machines had been removed due to aforementioned scandal.

The only way in order to fix coffee and snacks outside the opening times of the cafeteria was now the coffee cart.

47.3. Dancing Contest

This year, there was another dance contest at this school.

Last year, "James K. Polk" had organised that event.

Zoey was hell bent on participating.

Her favourite grandmather had won the New York City master contest like fifty years ago. She would come and watch Zoey at the contest.

Losing was not an option for the blond Mary Sue.

But who would dance with her?

Chase would just have walked into the next flag staff.


Were there even flag staffs on the dancing floor?

But he would have hurt Zoey's feet badly.

Logan and Michael wanted to participate as well.

Dean Rivers had suspended themm from extracurricular events.

But this was now no longer valid.

Dean Taylor had decreed a general amnesty for all people.

Logan was of course abusing this as an occasion to hit on Zoey.

Thus the blond Mary Sue chose Michael instead.

Of course this was not much better.

Michael has still pondering sadly about Lisa Perkins.

The departure of his crush was a glowing pain in his intestines.

47.4. The Endless Queue

The lack of vendor machines was not without serious consequences.

The queues in front of the one and only coffee venfdor, Calvin's[[107]] cart, were really long.

This was especially a problem during the big recesses.

Usually, students used those occasions in order to fix a coffee or two at Calvin's.

But the queue could easily grow to a horror length.

Waiting in it exceeded the length of the recess.

Now there seemed to be a way out.

Each week, Dean Taylor assigned a customer as the "customer of the weak".

The lucky one was excluded from the necessity of having to wait in the queue.

But what were Calvin's criteria for getting chosen?

I did not know.

Probably nobody did, except of course Calvin himself.

Many pupils were of course hell bent on making it to that title in order to skip the endless queue.

47.5. French Accent

Lola had got a perversely disgusting crush on a French exchange student named Simon[[108]].

He had usually been studying at the school of Dana Cruz in Paris.

Lola feigned being in desperate need of his help for learning to talk with a Ferench accent for some audition for a new play.

Stacey would audition too. Of course she would be left without a chance.

Lola, on the other hand, was really good with talking in a variety of foreign accents. She had just been fooling Simon.

That was so mean and perverse.

At least this time around Lola was not forced to compete with Ashley Blake.

The tween diva was absolutely not willing to learn lots of text.

47.6. Dancing Floor

And this was the night of the dance contest.

Along with Samantha Puckett, I had volunteered for playing the trombone at the dance contest, as a musical backup for the participants.

Oh, Samantha's life was now subject to a few changes.

Carly Shay and Fredward Benson were sent to Pacific Coast Academy.

Really, this was all due to Carly's grandfather.

Yet the decision was also triggered by Spencer's deal with Chase.

But this is another story altogether.

By the way, Carly and Megan looked really similar, more than usual among remote relatives.

Sam was now no longer forced to live without Carly. But she was not willing to fess up to Freddie.

And the filthy creep, er, nice boy next door was still hitting shamelessly on Carly. But he was a real web technology freak.

And that was incredibly cool.

My trombone was now patented and would soon be sold by Qualitech.

Zoey was trying to dance with Michael.

But that was impossible.

Michael was allergic to Zoey's sudden motions and turned easily dizzy.

The sound of my trombone made Michael feeling even worse.

Now he started vomiting all over Zoey's carefully hand designed dance gown, and all that right in front of the eyes of grandma Brooks..

The blond Mary Sue looked flabbergasted. "Michael! How dare you …"

The creep ran awaym screaming like an idiot. He bounced head over heels into the next door.

Now his skull was feeling like battered over and over again by a mighty steam hammer.

Zoey shook her head and sighed deeply. "Why me?"

Now there was only one couple left.

And these were Logan Reese and Trina Vega.

Of course they were only up to making Zoey feel miserable.

And this worked out great.

Logan and Trina had got no problems winning the contest, even without Logan's standard last resort, viz. bribery.

Zoey was now really consternated.

47.7. Jerk Of The Year

Now it was time for reveiling the customers of the week.

Many students had done a lot in order to attract Calvin's attention.

Logan and Michael would have done something as well, in their usual manner.

For Logan, this meant bribery.

For Michael, this meant feigning to be a hero.

But the preparations for the drance contest had not left them with a chance of doing so.

I had not done anything.

Now Calvin reveiled the next customer of the week, successor of one Darla Roberts[[109]].

It was … oops … that was me?

That was impossible.

There was something fishy.

Calvin explained,

The customer of the week will always be a pretty girl. She doesn't have to wait in the cue or pay for her coffee.

This way we may make out, letting the others wait even longer i the queue.

I coughed. "No way will I make out with such a disgucting creep!"

Calvin shrugged and reassigned a new customer.

This was Molly Talbertson[[110]] , another new student.

She readily accepted the offer.

I was thenceforth going to boycot the cart and tried others to join my action.

Of course this would mean no coffee for us.

But maybe I could do something about it,like, inventing a new drink with improved taste.

Oh, talking about tastes …

Cal had got some exciting news concerning the soils of Los Alamos. He had just finished examining the grounds of the desert over there.

I would have to wait for the precise content of those news, though …

Chapter 48. The Sundered Virgin

48.1. Jadie Hawthorne[[111]]

According to Cal's report, the soil of Los Alamos did contain the necessary minerals for composing the alcaloids of the cactus of Guadalapecho.

This appeared to be good news.

But our local wastelands were my first choice, at least for the time being.

Zoey Brooks was one big fan of chick flick writer Jatie Hawthorne. For that reason, she wanted desperately to attend the presentation of her new book. She would even miss out on Dustin's big presentation at the middle school talent show.

And the latter book was about going to be introduced to the general public in a book shop of Hollywood, not too far from here.

This was opportunity number one for Zoey to meet her idol.

But it was still out of walking distance.

A car trip would last half an hour.

And Zoey still needed a responsible adult.

Unfortunately, her first choice had been a pregnant teacher,

But the baby was now coming early.

Thus Zoey had to look for a better solution.

Coco Wexler would probably be her victim. The chubby wench got still on and off dumped by her fiancé Carl of our permanently ridiculous softball team.

Zoey had already got the totally foul and perverse plan of matching her with Dean Taylor.

Her brain could not get any more sick.

Fortunately I had been "divorced" from Zoey after her defense of Logan Reese during the construction of my first combat droid.

This separation had allowed me to think more clearly and watch the situation in an objective manner.

48.2. Dismissed

The evil action of Calvin had got its consequences.

Dean Taylor had expelled the coffee cart guy for his perversity of abusing the lack of coffee at certain times of the day in such an utterly shameless manner.

Of course now there was no coffee left.

I had to look for another way.

Mr. Taylor was negotiating with other vendor machine frenchisers, those not involved in a scandal.

But this was by no means easy.

I had already started making plans for an own coffee shop at Pacific Coast Academy.

The current wife of one of my uncles ran a coffee shop in downtown Seattle.[[112]]

This would have allowed me to get at the necessary resources.

48.3. Cotton Swabs

Zoey Brooks broke into my room.

I was upset.

She needed to talk to Stacey.

My room mate was busy building the pyrammids of Gizeh with cotton swabs and white glue.

It was a project for history classes.

Michael had been assigned to assist her. But he was not willing to do so.

Zoey begged Stacey urgently to release Michael.

I need a lift to the book shop downtown.

Couco would take me.

But I have to give her either a husband better than Carl or let Michael make her some ravioli, using the delicious recipe of his grandmother. I wanted to ask Dean Taylor to date Coco, but he is not here during the weekend.

Now Michael's recipe is my last chance.

But he can't do so when having to assist you.

Stacey grunted, "what? Now way!"

Zoey suspired, "aw, please!"

Stacey had got an idea.

I will desist.

But there's one condition.

In exchange for having to do alone, you have to arrange me a date with Logan Reese.

She exaggerated the length of the vowel in the word "Reese". "Have you seen his arms?"

That was disgusting.

But Zoey promised to ask Logan for Stacey, anyways.

I could not let Stacey get hurt once again.

And Logan definitely would do so.

I remembered Zoey's second alternative, a new boyfriend for Coco.

Dean Taylor was not suited for her, anyways.

But there were other men around.

I had to ponder a bit.

According to Simon Nelson Cooke, the custodian of "James K. Pol" viz. aforementioned Gordy had just been separated from his umptieth girlfriend.

The messy creep seemed perfectly suited for Coco.

In order to get him here even during the weekend, I just had to feign a weasel alert.

Custodian Gordy was a passionate weasel hunter, for whatever reason. He had already been here at Pacific Coast Academy in order to catch the skunk.

Fortunately, I had been faster.

No matter what, now I picked my cellular phone and called Gordy' number.

A minute later, Gordy would be on his way to Pacific Coast Academy, complete with weasel hunting equipment.

48.4. Gordy runs into Coco.

Half an hour later, Gordy arrived on our campus, swinging a big weasel hunting net in a wild manner. "He who dances with the weasel!"

His squeal was horrible.

Then he bounced across the campus, straight into … Coco Wexler!

At first glance this caused a lot of trouble and chaos.

But then they appeared to get along nicely.

That was totally cool.

I just had to claim it to have been Zoey's idea from the beginning.

Finally, Coco promised to take Zoey to the book shop and back again.

Gordy's home was close to the book shop, making the decision even easier.

By the way, Zoey had been out of luck.

Logan had agreed on a date with Stacey, but he wanted a ring back from Dustin.

And the latter was in a stinky mood for not finding an assistant for his talent show. He needed a girl to get sawed into half.

48.5. The Web Show Renewed

As aforementioned, Fredward Benson was an expert for web cams and stuff.

At first glance, these were the optimal prerequisites for becoming the new technical director of our school news channel.

But, as best seen in the case of Jeremiah Trottman, the whole news channel was thoroughly decadent and corrupt to the core.

But there was a great alternative for them.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews and Michael Barret had sometimes tried to revive their broken web show.

But the lack of a technical producer had always made this absurd.

But Fredward Benson's arrival changed everything.

Freddie was the one and only perfect technical producer for a web show.

This was the best way to revive the web show.

And the talent show of our middle school section was a perfect even.

Freddie could record the best tricks and show them in the web show.

In addition, Chaser and Michael had always been lame moderators.

But Carly Shay had got the talent to moderate a really good show.

Thus Chase and Michael would be left with the dirt work.

Carly had already considered participating in the web show.

Samantha wanted her as her assistant. She was showing the kids her trick of breaking into a fridge and empty it into her stomach. She did not dare to perform her good old dance from her tim pageant girl.

But Carly deemed that too lame.

And now there was the perfect occasion.

Carly could assist Dustin as a virgin to be sawed into half.

I suggested this.

Carly shrugged. "Why not?"

This would be one hell of a talent show.

At the same time, I started researching the natural synthesis of the juice of the cactus from Guadalapecho.

48.6. Disappointed Zoey

Alas, the trip to the book shop appeared to have been a fiasco.

The room had been stuffed full with Jatie's other fan chicks, such as Jenifer Mosely, Lola's cousin Victoria Vega, Dean Taylor's niece Joann[[113]] , and many more.

This had resulted in one squealing fest.

There were not enough hand signed copies of the new book available for all the fan chicks.

Jatie had to leave early in order to catch her plain inspite of many useless girls blocking her way. And she thought of her fans as dirt and used them just as a means of making bucks. Especially she had no time to answer Zoey's reasonable questions. She did give interviews.

But only preselected questions were up to be answered.

That was one absurd farce.

In addition, Coco's driving style was a mixture of kamikaze and free style.

Zoey was full of anger when returning to the campus. She did not even care about Dustin and his victory in the talent show.

Carly Shay had really made the difference.

Dustin would no longer be able to think about her without blushing.

And desisting from thinking about Carly would be almost impossible for him.

But Zoey did not care at all.

Where was that coming to?

Chapter 49. Barbecue Inferno

49.1. Zoey's Granduncle

A few days later, Zoey Brooks received a message from home.

Her granduncle Morris had just died.

Unlike Chase's loss of his grandmother, this news appeared to be of little interest for the blond Mary Sue.

She had not even known about such a relative.

But now there was a problem.

Morris was a big player in the american meat industry. He left Zoey a whole truck load of deep frozen spare ribs.

Now what to do with all of them?

The cafeteria fridge was sooner or later needed for other goods.

Rosemary Pepper suggested a barbecue party. She offered herself as the umpire and responsible adult.

This sounded like a cool idea, at least for Zoey Brooks.

49.2. Liquid Candle

Another of my inventions was now due for thorough testing.

This was an everlasting liquid candle.

Honestly said, this would have violated the laws of thermodynamics.

But down to a mixture of various rare oils, it would last for qyuite some time.

It had not been easy for Cal to organize all those strange oils.

I needed to be careful storing it, though.

The liquids needed to be mied appropriately.

An unlucky mixture could easily set Stacey's cotton swabs ablaze, leading to horror.

Fortunately my fire alert system, deployed after the accident at Sushi Rox, would have extinguished the flames, but not saved the cotton swabs.

49.3. Reese Rib Rub

Michael, Loga, Chase,and Zoey wanted to be one team.

But there was some obstacle.

Logan Reese insisted in deploying ghis spice mix known as "Reese Rib Rub".

Michael Barret, on the other hand, wanted to use his gramdother's barbecue marinade.

The two jerks started fighting over this.

Thus Zoey had to spluit the team.

Zoey and Michael would work together.

Chase and Logan formed another team.

49.4. Where is it?

One day before the barbecue fest, I checked the containers of my exotic oils.

It was neceessary to check the amount and the consistency.

Alas, one of the component appeared to have lost a lot.

The oil was aliphatic, and not aromatic.

Thus it was unlikely to vaporise.

But there was almost one tenth of the original amount missing.

What had happened?

49.5. Barbecue Day

49.5.1. Start Of The Contest

The barbecue stoves had been established out on the campus square. But they were still all cold.

Rosemary Pepper had to show up and give the permit first. She had instructed the kids interested in operating the charcoals right before the event.

Michael Barret and Logan Reese started already eying each other in an excessively suspicious manner.

Now the lunch lady was about entering the campus.

The countdown was on.

Finally, the first kids started setting the charcoals ablazing.

Stacey had got a few problems with her charcoal.

The thing did not want to burn right away.

Stacey decided to use some helper liquid.

Rosemary Pepper was not exactly keen on the kids operating charcoal grills with liquid kindling helpers. But she was too late.

Stacey poured some viscious liquid into the barely smouldering charcoal.


I recognized the liquid.

This was nothing but one component of my liquid candle.

Stacey had abducted some of it in order to help her barbecue.

Now it was too late.

Flames shot away from the poorly blazing charcoal.

A glimpse of fire appeared, but it was gone after a moment.

The charcoal was now smouldering away.

Alas, Stacey's face was now covered with soot and ashes.

She started sobbing bitterly.

I refrained from preaching to her for stealing part of my liquid.

The idea of using the liquid candle in order to control the charcoal was not bad.

But the wrong mixture of the oils was terrible.

I walked Stacey to our room in order to clean her face.

49.5.2. When all hair is gone …

Stacey kept on squealing.

At least nothing had happened to her eyes.

This was paramount in this moment.

I took some wet issue in order to remove the sot from her skin. She whimpered over and over again.

Finally, the head was clean.

The soot was gone.

But so was Stacey's hair.

I did not dare how to tell it to the victim.

But Stacey happened to sit almost oposit to a mirror.

Some scream even louder was now heard.

I sighed deeply. "Can't you cover the bald odf your head with cotton swabs?"

Stacey looked aghast. "Hey! That's an idea!"

Of course I thought about letting her hair regrow.

My porcupine Mr. Tibbles[[114]] had been leaking quills.

I had already started inventing something against this.

The liquid was stimulating the capilar base.

The quills of a porcupine are just hardened hair.

Thus I supposed the hair fertiliser to work the same way on Stacey's head.

Stacey sighed deeply.

I rubbed Stacey's head skin thoroughly with the hair fertiliser.

She just had to cover it with cotton swan fluff for one or two days.

Her hair would regrow visibly during that time.

49.5.3. The Outcome

I returned to the campus square.

The war between Reese's rib rub and Barret's barbaecue marinade went on.

Carly started interviewing the participants. She wanted to show the best pictures of the barbecue party in the next edition of the Chase and Michael Show.

Rose was now ready to taste the barbecue ribs.

Alas, they were all gone.

What had happened?

Fron the cormer of my eyes, I spotted Samantha Pucket rubbing her tummy.

I should have totally seen that comming.

Now the blond demon belched like a hippopotamus.

Alas,there was some unhealthy noise in Sam's voice.

In walked up to her in order to check her breath.

Hells bells!

The ribs had been spiced with Peruvian puff pepper[[115]] .

This was a very rare and somewhat dangerous spice, leading to kidney failure and chapped lips.

Just how much of that stuff had Sam eaten?

And what was the source of the puff pepper?

I had to report the case to Rose Pepper and do my research.

In any case, the barbecue fest was over.

Sam had broken the existing record in pork eating.

That was a perfect subject for the web show.

Now Gordy was called in order to clean up the site.

He wanted to delegate this task to the night shift.

But there was none on weekends.

49.6. Hair Growth

I woke up the morning after.

Stacey woke up, too. She yawned and walked to the mirror.

Oh skocking!

The hair had regrown, but way too much. It was now covering akll of Stacey's head.

An unexperienced watcher would ot have been able to tell the back of her haid from her face.

Stacey was now forced to scream even more than after the explosion.

I could not help but call Cal and tell him about the problem.

The freak from Caltech had counterchecked the formula. "It should go on like this for a weak and then stop slowly."

I shuddered for dismay.

Where was that going to?

I was already looking for a good hairdresser.

Cal knew one.

I recommend your ex pal, Nicole Bristow.

She is responsible for my hair cut.

And it is cool.

The latter was so true.

So, Nicole was now needed in order to rescue Stacey's hair.

Chapter 50. Apples And Kisses

50.1. Apples And Kisses

As a fledgling Hollywood star actress, Lola had got a lot of experience with an excruciatingly huge variety of kissing styles.

This was leading her to several theories about kissing.

One of her claims was a tight connection between a boy's way of eating apples and a boy's kissing style.

Recently, a certain Carly Marks[[116]], not to be confused with carly Shay, had wriutten in her blog about the cherry stem test in order to detect good kissers. She had so far only been able to identify one top kisser with it, no other than aforementioned teenage rock star Drake Parker.

Lola was now out for discovering more good kissers.

But such a throey needed siome scientific backup.

I tried hard to help Lola proving her thesis.

But Lola's attitude was not really a scientific ones.

Just picking a few hot looking boys and waiting for them to eat some apple was not enough.

OK, maybe there was something more to her theory.

But it needed to be verified by a series of carefully planned experiments.

50.2. Stacey's new Haircut

Stacey's hair was still terrible.

Fortunatekly it was Nicole's free day.

Gordy picked her from Eastridge in order to take her to Pacific Coast Academy.

Coco was already waiting for him.

Stacey was a bit worrird.

Nicole used to talk too much while cutting her hair.

But this was the better alternative.

This way, Nicole would not listen to Stacey's lisp and cotton swab talk. Otherwise she would turn insane.

50.3. The Desert Guide

Up to now, Cal had aleways been able to find some dummies to watch out selected spots out in the desert.

But now there was no such person left.

A certain Lafe Berkowitz[[117]] offered top take us there. According to the theory of Lola Martinez, he was a good kisser.

But Lola was by no means willing to check any bad kissers.

OK, enough of that.

But a good kisser was not necessarily a good guide into the wastelands of desolation.

So I decided to use my own tools.

Stacey would come with me. As an astronomy freak, she was able to find her way through the desert at night by using the stars for orientation. She had even built a sextant of cotton swabs and white glues.

Perverse idiots like Logan Reese thought of "sextant" as of some erotic device.

I had invented an improvement of it named "quinntant".

50.4. Kidney Failure

Not much ago, Samantha Puckett had been showiung the first signs of kidney failure.

I had to send her straight to Doc Hollywood for an in depth analysis of the situation.

At the same time, I had been done analising the remains from the barbecue site, looking for traces of ultracapsicine, the dangerous ingredient of the Peruvian puff pepper.

The result was little surprising.

The poison had been in Logan Reese's world famous rib rub.

Samantha must have eaten quite a bit of it.

Logan was a living time bomb at Pacific Coast Academy.

Some had to convince Dean Taylor into doing something about it.

But I had also discovered something else.

The formula of the alcaloid complex of Peruvian puff pepper was remotely similar to that of the cactus of Guadalapecho.

Now this was a hell of shocking.

Was the juice of Guadalepecho possibly able to induce kidney failure as well?

I did not care in any way about chapped lips.

But kidney failure could be cruel.

I had to prevent Sam's situation from turning even worse.

Now, was I really spending my energy into developping some equally dangerous poison?

50.5. Hot Stacey

Nicole was finally done doing Stacey's haircut, and she was already on her way back to Eastridge.

The cotton swab maid was reentering the lounge. She was alreadu looking forward to using her hand made cotton swab sextant for navigating across the wastelands.

Suddely, Lafe choked. "Who is that hottie?"

Staceey started saying her usual words, "I am Stacey Dillsen. I come from Swampscott in Masachusetts. …"

Lafe was feeling dazed. He did not really listen to Stacey's words.

The haircut made by Nicole was so totally impressive for an excessively shallow creep like Lafe Berkowitz.

A few minutes ago, Lafe had had his eyes stuck to Lola Martinez. But now he was all over Stacey with them. But he was hardly any good for her. He did not like Stcey, he was obsessed with her styling, performed by Nicole Bristow. If at all, Lafe should hanker after Nicole. At least he deserved her.

Nicole had given Stacey a complete makeover, changing her looks into those of a clone of Nicole.

And that was definitely not Stacey.

And now Lafe had to come with us to the desetr, anyways.

That was horrible.

But Stacey refused to go anywhere without Lafe.

I already saw Stacey in tears.

Lafe was absolutely not a guy for cotton swabs and white glue.

Lola glared jealouysly at Stacey, for the first time in over a year. She had never liked her, but jealousy had not yet been the reason.

This was no good development, either.

50.6. Back From The Wastelands

The trip into the barren fields had been disappointing.

Due to Stacey's ability to navigate, we did not get lost.

But Lafe's bimboish talk was a pain in the guts and slowed us down like nobody's business.

Lafe actually believed in mustard being one of the most important parts of the quipment for a trip intp the canyon.

The biggest obstacle for working in a concentrated manner, on the other hand, were my fledgling remorses.

I could not get over the remote similarity of the two chemical substances.

Cal had already received a note from me. He was maybe already on teh way to working on it.

Mindy was probably assisiting him.

But nothing stopped me from imagining the worst scenario.

Yet without the proof of the perils, my theory about the alcaloid contained in the cacus of Guadalapecho was not complete, just like Lola's theory about good kissers..

Chapter 51. Dustin misses Zoey

51.1. Mail From Japan

The father of Logan Reese was in Japan. And he had sent a parcle o Logan with a lot of things.

Logan had ordered some horror movie, rated NC-17.

Had Malcolm Reese really allowed for this?

It was certainly against the rules of a school, especially one with middle and elementary school kids like Pacific Coast Academy.

And then there was a Japanese J-phone.

This was a new cellular phone with several nifty features, such as automated multimedia download.

The J-phone was told to be illegal in the United States.

There must have been a reason for that.

Logan may have made it up in order to appear more courageous.

This was typical for Logan.

But he was not very consequential.

Instead of trusting the word, I better went through some specifiications.

Just as usual, Logan had paid Dustin for dragging the parcel from the mail office to Logan's foyer.

Zoey frowned upon it. She also did not want Dustin to watch the movie.

But the little freak did not care.

51.2. Fears Coming True

I have just been talking about horror?

Now, there was some other sort of it.

Cal had confirmed my aforementioned fears in part.

It was possible to build the dangerous chemical contained in Peruvian puff peppers from the juice contained in the cactus from Guadalapecho.

There was some hope left.

Cal's methods deployed for that transformation had been completely unnatural.

He could not really think it possible in nature.

I could not do so, either.

But this did not exclude the possibility of natural ways, processes possible in the human body.

51.3. Shock Around Midnight

Zoey Brooks spend those nights of the week with pedicure.

I deemed that a waste of time.

In addition, those creeps required money for treating my sixth toe.

That was totally not fair.

Whatever, I had gained enough distance from Zoey to refrain from doing something just in order to be by her side.

Such a perverse demeanour was now way below my dignity.

Suddenly, I heard a scream from next door.

This was worse than Lola's aforementioned screaming practice for some dumb movie.

I activated the bidirectional televisioning system.

Dustin was there. He must have been hiding underneath Lola's covers. Now he was trembling and shivering all over.

Lola wanted Zoey to throw out Dustin.

The relationship between Zoey and Lola had been down below freezing point since the revelation of Lola's culpa in Chase's attempts of making Zoey awfully jealous, hiring Lola's decadent cousin Trina.

And this was the final straw breaking the elephant's back.

Zoey was not interested in sending her intimidated little brother away. Now she was suddenly once more the overprotective elder sister. Of course she had never stopped being worried. She had just been too lazy.

Lola finally called it a wasted time, got her belongings together, and left the dormitory room on site.

Zoey feigned calling her back. But she acted in a totally hypocritical manner. Really, she must have been happy about getting rid of her.

But where was Lola going to?

Not here!

Lola and Stacey in a room would have been able to spell infinitely worse turmoil than Dana and Nicole.

I was able to hear the steps of the aspiring Hollywood starlet echoing across the corridor.

They were certainly passing by me.

But what had Dustin been doing in Zoey's dormitory room in the first place? He started telling his elder sister about the reasons. Against the blond Mary Sue's expressed verdict, Dustin had been watching the japanese horror movie along with the boys, i.e. Chase Bartholomew Matthews, Michael Barret, and of course inevitable Logan Reese, owner of the movie.

In that movie, some mindless ninjas had been stabbing their victims to death, using chop sticks.

Now Dustin was thoroughly consternated.

The big boys had probably suffered , too.

After all, they are othing but a bunch of overgrown coward babies.

But that was a different story altogether.

51.4. The Morning After

In the cafeteria, I found Zoey alone.

Dustin had returned to his room, at least for the time being.

Zoey was talking about plans of getting back at the big boys. She wanted to stab their asses bleeding, using Kazu's chop sticks.

I was better looking for some salves and bandages, just in case.

An angry Zoey was worse than a frenzying ninja, especially in the case of Dustin getting hurt.

The boys showed up in the cafeteria. They were not anticipating their impending doom.

Zoey somersaulted the creeps and pukched their shoulders badly. She thundered at them.

The big boys screamed in agony.

And this was not just due to suffering the pains.

They had been shivering all night through.

In addition, they talked about a fire alert in their dormitoruy rooms.

Granted, my improvents of the fire alert systems had improved the sensitivity of the sprinklers.

But this could not explain it.

The smouldering charcoal from the barbecue festival had not been able to trigger the sprinklers and the alert bells.

Dean Taylor was already looking for the reasons. He did not believe in a practical joke by one of the kids. "No pupil would spoil his own night time by a fire alert." He assumed day time to be different.

Whatever, Cal had studied the architecture of the J-phones in detail.

I had read his report.

It was hard to understand, but only for vulgar people like Logan Reese.

I draw the conclusions: "The J-phone is able to trigger fire alerts within certain surveillance systens."

That had been the probable cause of the alert.

So I decided to go to Dean Taylor, straight with the facts.

The headmaster decided to leave Logan at Pacific Coast Academy, but there had to be some punishment, kind of, sort of.

51.5. Dustins Real Reason

Dustin still kept on requesting to stay with his sister, against all rules.

Dustin feigned being intimidated.

But this was impossible.

According to Samantha Puckett, Dustin boasted among the middle school kids with having watched the movie, and being ready any time to watch worse ones.

I shook my head.

He was such a little bugger.

Samantha supposed, "Dustin is not a coward. He just needs Zoey's attention." Then she compared it to Carly and Spencer.

This actually made some sense.

OK, but it was definitely Zoey's problem.

I was better off not staying out of their family crap.

Oh, where had Lola gone to? She was now living in some janitor's closet in our hall.

It was not exactly worthy of a Hollywood star. But it served Lola well.

I better concentrated on my research projects.

Chapter 52. Forced Laughter

52.1. Bad girls don't die.

Not much time had passed ever since.

Samantha Puckett's kindney problems had disappeared all over night.

There was no trace left.

The blond demon was now even immune to the poison contained in Peruvian puff pepper.

Well, the Pucketts have always been throroughly robust.

No poison could kill them.

But this was a strong exception.

Sam wanted now to swallow more of my inventions.

52.2. Oral Stink

And there was an inventipn especially Sam was interested in.

The evil wench loved eating a lot.

This caused a lot of not so pleasant odors accumulating in her mouth and in her maw.

But Samantha Puckett did not want to get noticed too much for the smell of things eaten by her.

Well, hardly anyone noticed.

Just ibn Sam's case, there was a lot to cover.

So some invention against the oral stink was absolutely necessary,

Well, I had definitely invented several means against stenches.

You just have to remember the problems with the skunk.

But there was a severe drawback.

Contamination of those previous stench killers had to be styrictly avoided.

And inhalation would have had even worse consequences.

Someone like Samantha Puckett would have survived it for sure.

But this was of course by absolutely no means a general solution.

Chase and Michael wanted to put it into their web show.

Carly Shay would moderate the event.

52.3. The Public Experiment

We, viz. Chase, Michael, Carly, Freddie, Sam, and I, were now gathered in "148 Maxwell Hall".

Fredward Benson counted the seconds. "Online in five … four … three … two …"

As usual, the "one" was deemed uncool by the technical producer.

Chase and Michael were screaming like idiots.

Carly ordered them to calm down.

They sighed deeply.

In any case, the show had changed a lot.

Carly and Fredward had injected a not so unsignificant dose of order and discipline into this hitherto perversely chaotic show.

By the way, Fredward's technological equipment was now completelky based on the latest edition of Quinndoze QP.

This included some automatic virus scan and even more important things.

Carly started talking. "Hello, I am Carly, and these are my worthless fellows Chase and Michael."

The big boys looked aghast. But then they waved into Fredward's web cam and released a thoroughly forced smirk.

Carly started announcing today's programme.

This included especially my test of the new stench killer.

Carly declared, "in front of Freddie's running web cam, Sam will eat ten onions, two blocks of cheese, a whole rotting tuna, and five eggs from last week."

Samantha rubber her belly joyfully in anticipation of the impending meal.

Michael explained, "thanks to lunch lady Rose and to Kazu!"

Chase nodded rigorously. "Tosay's experiment would be impossible without their thorough support."

Carly continued, "and this is Quinn Pensky, the resident geek girl!"

I smiled into the web can.

Carly continued,

Quinn has invented some liquid against the oral smell.

After Sam's meal, some of the fluid will be squirted into Sam's mouth.

Chase and Michael will test the effectivity of the substance by smelling Sam's oral odor.

Michael shivered in anticipation.

Carly growled, "OK, Sam, just do it!"

The blond demon chuckled and started stuffing thge smelly stuff down her gullet. She was done after less than one single minute.

I picked the squirting can and started spraying the substance into Samantha's mouth.

She started chuckling.

After having attested the absence of any stink from Samantha's gaping mouth, Chase and Michael cheered. "Wow! Our jokes of today must have been great!" They hi-fived merrily.

Carly had to correct them. "Sorry guys! But you have not even started telling jokes."

Chase and Michael looked totally aghast.

Sam's smirk and grin turned stronger and stronger.

That was not planned.

I took a thorough looke at Sam. I was now about measuring her heart beat, her temperature, her blood pressure, and her sweating activity.

But everything seemed normal, barring her insane smirk and cackle.

The laughter must have been the sole consequenceof my liquid.

Sam was even talking during the laughter. "Hey! Where are my thumbs?"

Carly shook Sam and sighed deeply.

Samantha Puckett's thumbs were still there, just hidden behind her fingers.

After all, things were crazy.

Samantha could not stop laughing. And now she was talking more crap than even Nicole Bristow during her best time, otr her worst time.

This was a matter of taste.

But Sam's cackle was definitely unbearable.

Samantha concluded,

Hey, you!

I tell you something.

But don't tell Carly about it, or Freddie.

I love Fredward Benson. I really do!

I had known about that.

But nobody else would ever have guessed anything like that.

Samantha had always tried her best to make Fredward feel miserable.

The worst of this situation:

Fredward Benson and Carly Shy were standing right in front of Samantha Puckett's nose. And now they had of course heard everything.

Chase told Freddie to interrupt the broadcast.

But the tech producer was way too excited and dismayed at the same time to even think about his technical duties.

I decided to put the show offline. But I had to lok for the correct buttons first.

At the same time, Carly had started wildly disputing.

Chase and Michael disputed wildly.

Finally, the broadcast was down.

But it was already too late.

And this was audible.

Many flabbergasted kids collected out on the campus.

They were about top storm the corridor.

I was especially worried about the reaction of my very roomie, Stacey Dillsen.

The wench from Swampscott in Massachusetts was a so-called "Creddier".

Those are insane fans favouring a perverted relationship of Fredward Benson and Carly Shay.

The thought of Samantha and Fredward as a couple would have killed Stacey, or at least made her run amuck.

52.4. Fan Wars

Two days had gone past since the legendary web event.

Samantha's feelings for Fredward Benson, admitted during some smirk storm, were now the hot topic of disputes.

Samanth had finally turned tired from laughter. Even worse, she had forgotten forget about her words, saying something to the avail of "what the heck are you talking about?"

But the war between "Creddiers" and "Seddiers" — fans of a relationship between Fredward Benson and Samantha Puckett — was no longer to stop.

There was nothing left for me to do about it.

And the research concerning the stench killer had to go on.

Cal had watched the web show. And he had already dfound an explanation for the undesired side effect. Now he gave me the usual valuable hints for eliminating those stupidities.

I sighed deeply before continuing the research.

Chapter 53. Beauty Pageant

53.1. The Announce

Logan Reese had just added another striking proof for his excruciating perversity. He had announced a beauty pageant on the grounds of Pacific Coast Academy.

And the contest would have but one umpire.

And this was of course going to be the one and only Logan Reese.

I almost had to throw up at that thought.

Stacey was totally keen on it.

And that was an excessively bad thing.

Her relationship with lafe had failed pretty soon.

Stacey's hair growth was finally back to normal.

Nicole was no longer needed in order to restyle her hair once a week.

Now it started looking again like before.

Lafe was no longer impressed by Stacey's makeup, and he did notice her addiction to cotton swabs and white glue.

This triggered an impromptu breakup between them.

Well, I had seen that coming and always tried to warn Stacey.

But my weird roomie was unteachable. Now she was back to hankering after Logan Reese.

This was a giant spring from the frying pan into a kettle with boiling water.

OK, I had been a pageant girl, like, ten years ago.

But the pageants had been totally different. They consisted of a presentation, a talent demonstration, and an interview.

And there was more than one judge.

Logan's pageant, on the other hand, would only consist of the catwalk presentation.

The dandy of Hollywood was utterly unable to appraise any talent whatsoever. The ruthless creep was definitely just going for the looks.

Many other girls of Pacific Coast Academy high school had already confirmed their participation.

There were a few awards for the winners.

The first prize was that of showing up on the cover page of some vulgar journal , The Buzz, diue to Logan's exceelent contacts to the redactors of that lowly tabloid..

That was about the one and only voluntary lecture of Lola Martinez.

And of course our impending Oscar nominated diva was hell bent on grabbing this occasion in order to increase her degree of general popularity.

In the beginning, Zoey Brooks had deemed contests like this one totally sexist. But she was now changing her mind.

The fotograph pictuyre on the title page of the Buzz would have been perfectly suited in order to send a message home to one Katie Packerman[[118]] .

The latter had been the arch enemy of Zoey Brooks, back at her elementary and middle school. She had once called Zoey ugly.

And this was by no means forgotten.

Zoey would fight back to the death.

I had never expected Zoey to fall that deep.

But now this was the case.

It could not get any worse.

By the way, Zoey Brooks had still not been able to get rid of her little brother.

Dustin insisted in being still afraid of frezying ninjas. Thus he was allowed to sleep over in her room at least thrice a week.

Needless to say, Lola Martinez was still not willing to return toZoey.

And the competition at the pageant would turn their mutual disgust even worse.

Lola had been moving into the dormitory room of some Jeannie Kick[[119]] . Even worse, Lola knew now about Dustin's abuse of his sister's reckless credulity.

Ashley Blake had told her about Dustin's fearless demeanour. The diva was up to auditioning for a new horror movie.

It was a movie too scary even for Lola.

Dustin did not mind rehearsing with her.

There was now doubt left.

But Zoey was deaf on that ear. She was by no means happy about the situation. "But it has to be."

53.2. The Catwalk

The pageant was about to start.

Masses of most thoroughly corrupted girls had already started gathering at the entrance of our foyer.

This was the starting point of the assigned catwalk.

Logan climbed proudly his umpire's chair. He held a megaphone in his hand in order to control the situation.

The list of girls registered was already very long.

Carly was going to moderate the event for the Chase and Michael Show.

Freddie used a new, improved web cam.

I had improved it, of course.

Logan started to call the girls to the cat walk. one by one.

Carly held her microphone tight. She was going to aske the girls some questions about their prospects and their motivations.

Zoey Brooks was the first to do the humiliating walk.

Carly appeared very curious.

Zoey admitted to having styled herself, especially taylored her own outfit.

Carly was impressed and wished Zoey good luck.

Logan was not happy about Carly's intervention and tried to shout her away. But he was also fearing Samantha Puckett and her claws and teeth. Thus he gave in. He took secretly notes about Zoey's appearance on the catwalk.

The next victimn was Lola Martinez. She sighed deeply.

Her outfit had been styled by some Amanda Cantwell from New York City.

Stacey was getting ready. She had called Nicole Bristow for help.

The bimbo wench from Kansas was now among the audience and cheering for Stacey.

Many other girls followed, including Sarah Kyla.

The bodyguard was still very impressive on the catwalk. But she missed an opportunity for the demonstration of her talents.

Finally, Logan Reese had come to a decision. As expected, he tried to hit on the girls.

Zoey and Lola were of course too disgusted for that feeble attempt.

Stacey, on the other hand, would have loved to.

But Logan did not want the cotton swab princess in any way whatsoever.

But one girl had got absolutely no qualms. And she was aforementioned "Makeout" Mandy Franklin, the leading cheerio.

Thus, all of a sudden, Logan's choice was so clear.

The next cover girl for the Buzz would be Mandy Franklin.

Her outfit had also been styled by aforementioned Amanda Cantwell.

I was glad for not having participated.

Decent men like Cal would otherwise have lost any respect for me.

My next invention was already waiting for me.

Chapter 54. Air Bra

54.1. Crumple Zones

Cal had already started working part time for the NASA.

The guys over there always complained about the lack of decent crumple zones in vehicles, both land, sea, or air crafts.

A per-passenger solution would have been better than a per-vehicle one.

Alas, Cal had not got the time to think about it.

Thus the NASA had been referred to me.

54.2. Inflatable Bra

According to the statistics, most dangerous accidents of the last years had been those involving the thorax.

Of course a few girls, such as Trina Vega and Coco Wexler, were apparently excessively well protected around there.

But what about us normal girls?

An inflatable bra seemed to offer some good protection.

Oh , yeah, boys would be able to wear it, too. They might look funny with bras.

But there was no such thing as a rule against boys wearing bras.

Only excessively ruthless perverts would come up with a rule like that.

The research proceeded really fast.

After two days of development, I was now already rigged and ready for a demonstration within the ]Chase and Michael Show.

54.3. The First Demo

I was now in "148 Maxwell Hall" for the purpose of a first public demonstration of the air bra.

Fredward Benson was just counting down. "Online in five … four … threee … two …"

Michael was still missing the "one".

But Carly was already saying her usual introductory words. And then she announced my presence.

I started talking about the necessity of my invention.

Chase and Michael looked baffled.

Carly nodded. "OK … maybe you want to give as a short demo?"

I grinned. "The bra has gotsensors reacting to panic screams."

Carly grinned mischievously. Then she pinched Chase's shoulder sfrom behind.

The bushy dork squealed almost like Lola Martinez during the rehearsals for aforementioned movie.

This was enough to trigger ten air bras.

My devise blew my crumple zomes up to D size in no time.

The onlookers present in this room looked aghast.

I smiled.

Carly nodded. "OK, it seems to work." She wondered, "how much does it cost?"

I replied, "let's say … two hundred bucks for friends."

Carly gasped. Apparently, she was not able to pay such a lot.

I sighed.

But the price was justified by the expensive gas driving the inflation of the bra.

The gas patrons needed to be refilled after each crash, by the way, just to be sure.

I gave some bnerdy explanation for the technology involved in this master piece.

Now it was time for the next segment.

Michael Barret was sure of being able to untie himself from tough nods, just like grandmaster Henry Doheny[[120]] .

54.4. Interested Girls

A day later, the first girls announced their interest in buying an air bra.

I received the orders both from Ashley Blake and Lola Martinez.

This was interesting.

Bot of them were aspiring Hollywoodstars. And they were usually not really thinking about their security.

There was of courase another reason for their interest in my invention.

Lola explained, "with my talent and with the crumple zones of my cousin Trina Vega, I could choose to act in any upcoming Oscar winner."

Ashley's motivation was most likely the same.

Even more, they were almost always ready to copy each other in their actions of boosting their respective career.

That was really annoying.

Most likely, Ashley had started thinking about the air bra.

Lola had heard of it. And then she had started to go for it as well.

54.5. Negotiations

Unfortunately, neither Lola Martinez nor Ashley Blake had got the nbucks to pay me for the air bra.

That was a bit disappointing.

Granted, they were makingb quite a few bucks with their professional acting.

But their parents guarded their finances and froze them on accounts , saving them for their postesecondary education.

I should have thought of this earlier.

But there were still other forms of payments.

Lola ssaid, "Malcolm Reese will soon make a movie aboyt the life and the times of some Marie Curie." She looked dumb. "Have you ever heard of her?"

Of course I had. I started talking about Marie Curie, one of my idols.

Lola was a bot overwhelmed. "Hey, that's enough!" She suspired. "I am will be younger Marie in a flashback scene." She had got the contacts enabling her to give me backstage cards for the première performance of the movie in "Première Theater" in San Diego.

Ashley Blake was not going to be in that movie. But she would not give up.

In any case it was not possible for me to resist Lola's wonderful offer.

54.6. Expansion Of The Idea

A day later, Lola asked me, "Thinking of it, I am now wondering about my other crumple zones."

I asked, "what do you mean?"

Lola admitted shmaelessly, "I want to have a but like cousin Trina, no, a bigger one."

In other words, some inflatable panties were on demand in order to upholster Lola's butt.

I sighed deeply.

Lola's reasons for wanting this were totally clear. They were in line with her interest in the airbag bra.

So, why not inflatable socks or stockings?

And where was the inflatable hat?

But what about inflatable shin guards?

Inflatable gloves could have been the big hit.

I started planning.

Zoey would hardly help me with her fashion design skills, especially when finding out about Dustin's lies ad my knowledge about them.

But there were other fashion freaks around, such as Jerome Crony.

Another thought entered my mind.

Using Helium as a gas for filling the air clothes would have reduced their weights significantly. In fact, it would have made the float, especially light weihts like Ashley Blake.

I imagined seeing Lola and Ashley fleet across the stage like fairies.


There was still a lot of hard work in front of me in order to achieve this.

Chapter 55. Vistors' Day

Once a year, the Pacific Coast Academy opened its gates for many kids from all across the country and for their parents, informing them about the typical life of a student at our school.

It was thus an event for the purpose of information.

I had been able to visit the same information like four years earlier.

Back then, it had been the first day of the visitors after the announce of the impending switch of Pacific Coast Academy towards coeducativity.

There was of course some sort of schedule.

The kids were guided through the campus and many halls.

Dean Taylor was going to talk to them for quite some time. He was less boring than Dean Rivers, though.

And there as a chance for them to ask established pupils about their life on here.

There were two interview sections, one for the high school kids an done for younger pupils.

Taylor had already selected the students responsible for answering the questions.

For the high school part, this would be Zoey Brooks and Logan Reese.

The elementary and middle school kids would have to ask Dustin Brooks and Ashley Blake.

But not all of the visitors would come in order to ask questions.

There was at least one visitore more likely to get asked quite a few questions, at least.

And this was master illusionist Henry Doheny.

I had always wondered about the physical possibility of some of his tricks.

But there had to be an explanation.

So, why was he coming to Pacific Coast Academy?

Michael had tried hard to demonstrate his abilities as an escapist., but he had failed miserably in his attempts of freeing himself from delicate knots tied by one Kenneth Billiam[[121]]

Mr. Billiam was a middle school teacher here at Pacific Coast Academy, teaching kids like Dustin and Ashley in geography. But he was also the head of the county's ranger scout club. As such, he was very well versed in tying knots.

Michael had allowed for getting tied by Mr. Billiam, secure in the knowledge of being able to untie himself.

This was broadcast live in the Chase and Michael Show.

But Michael had failed miserably.

I had been forced to free him with the aid of my miniature laser pistols.

This had been absolutely no fun at all.

Sometimes, Michael's arms instead of the rope got hot by my maser beams.

The scars would be visible for quite some time.

But one particular viewer of the web show knew Henry Doheny in person. This was aforementioned Megan Parker.

A year ago, the career of the old grandmaster of illusion and escapist arts had been going down.

Megan had helped Doheny to feign his own death and resurrection.

This had been enough to get his career revived, with a regular performance in Las Vegas.

Megan Parker had thus not got any problem talking Doheny to come to us.

55.1. Doheny At PCA

The kids were done with the guided tour.

Beverly, the dean's secretary, had been responsible for it.

Doheny was on the campus, too.

Chase and Michael had built a little stage for him near the campus.

But Doheny had fooled them repeatedly already on their way over there, deploying one or the other of his huge repository of illusionist's tricks.

I was still wondering about the trick invented by Megan Parker.

My head was turning over and over again.

Cal and Mindy had not found an explanation, either.

I had decided to watch his actions precisely with my infrasight device.

There hadto be some mean trick behind his performances.

And I had to find out, rigorously at any cost.

Now Doheny made various dogs and cats disappear.

My secret infrasight cams had recorded everything.

This would be the proof for Doheny cheating.

55.2. Potential New Students

The first day for the visitors' program was now over.,

Some of the visiting kids would stay on the campus over the night, more precisely, they had been assigned one of the free dormitory places.

One of the boys had asked about the opportunity for physics and chemistry at this school.

This sounded cool.

I would have liked to host him in my dormitory room.

Unfortunately, he was no girl.

That was so unfair.

Dustin had come to answer quite a few questions from other kids.

A potentiial new student was Morgan Eichman[[122]] , the daughter of Brad Eichman, the principal of Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts. She was up to something special. After the show, she had insisted in watching the production of a new session of the nowadays fantabulous web show moderated by Carly Shay.

Brad Eichman was not only the principa;l of aforementioned school, but also a producer of TV shows in California, Oregon, Washington, and some ajacent states.

But, according to his own daughter, Brad Eichman's shows were lame and suckish.

Was suckish even a word?

Bear with it.

According to Morgan, the broadcasting corporations should rather stick to making shows like Chase and Michael Show than their lame crap.

Today, Morgan was able to watch Chase and Michael produce a special about the performanceof Henry Doheny, right here on the campus.

Michael was stil secure in the knowledge of being a good escapist.

The kids watching Michael and Doheny were to decide.

Freddie was very careful. He was not only recording for the show, but also for my infrasight analysis.

Cal had recently found an improved analysis tool.

I needed to refine it for my purposes.

But it was a great start.

Some other potential new students looked very suspicious.

We better watched thm carefully.

Chase and Michael were done recording the performance of Doheny. They wanted to thank him thoroughly.

But the grand master of illusions was already gone, like a flash of lightening.

This left many open questions, more than those answered by Zoey, Logan, Dustin, and Ashley.

Naybe my infra sight analysis would show more.

Chapter 56. Offers

56.1. In The Middle Of The Lessons

Two days later, the school had continued its daily schedule.

Our biology lessons were as boring as usual.

It was about photosynthesis.

I had known that crap by heart already years ago.

But suddenly, the overhead speakers called Zoey Brooks into the administration.

She had not stolen Dean Taylor's golden pencils or something like that, had she?

I just shrugged. I had to correct that fool of a teacher over and over again, anyways.

56.2. London Calling

During the big recess, Zoey told us about the reason of the whole mess.

Her father had been offered more salaray and more responsibility in the new European branch of his enterprise. For this reason, he was now about going to move to British capital London, along with his beloved wife.

So, what was going to happen to Zoey and to Dustin?

Oh, by the way, the little bugger still slept over in Zoey's dormitory room, like, thrice a week.

Zoey was so dull.

Now it was up to them.

They could either stay at Pacific Coast Academy or join their parents to London.

Zoey was not yet sure what to do.

I really did not mind getting rid of her. But I was forced to feign being sad. I still told about teh great opportuunities trigged by two years or so in London.

Chase was not here. He had got this tennis club.

Stacey had built an onager of cotton swabs and white clues. She was now firing cotton swab balls across the foyer. She was so likely to tell the story around.

56.3. The Suckish Show

Alas, Chase and Michael had also been subject to an offer of some sorts.

Morgan Eichman had complained about the lame productions of her dad.

And these complaints had got consequences.

Brad Eichman wanted Carly, Freddie, Chase, and Michael to continue their show in his studio.

This involved their necessity of switching over to Hollywood School for the Professional performance Arts.

This was a move, too.

It just happened to be almost around the corner.

Whereas Zoey and Dustin would fly across the mighty Atlantic.

56.4. Dustin's Lie

So far, Zoey had not believed in Dustin lying about his fears.

But this time, things were different.

The presence of the parents forced them to decide quickly about their future.

Dustin hated English weather and English kitchen. He had admitted to that long before his father's announce.

In addition, Carly was still making him blush like crimson.

Dustin did not yet admit to that.

And Carly had not yet been suspicious. She was about a whole foot taller than Dustin.

Sooner or later, his secret cruush would make him very sad when moving away.

But missing Zoey would not exactly be totally easy for the little bugger.

Otherwise there would not have been any sense in his wish to spend more time with her.

OK, sooner or later, Dustin would be satiated.

Zoey's annoying overprotectivity would keep Dustin at distance again.

I had hoped this to happen during the last weeks.

But now it was a bit late.

Zoey had decided to go to London. She told Tracy Baldwin, her last remaining friend, to watch Dustin closely and protect him from frenzying ninjas.

Of course Tracy would have been as powerless as Zoey to do so.

The only one likely to survive a fight with evil ninjas was probably the "tomboy in disguise" viz. Sarah Kyla, bodyguard of Ashley Blake. But she was only paid for protecting Ashley and not for guarding Dustin from crazy ninjas.

Ashley growled, "Dustin, how am I supposed to rehearse for the March Of The Doomed without your help?"

Dustin stammered. "march of the doomed?"

Zoey and her parents looked flabbergasted.

Ashley explained, "You are the only one in our classes to have overcome the fear of shadowy creeps like killer commands."

Dustin wondered, "er, I am?" He coughed.

Zoey glared at her younger brother. "What does Ashley say?"

Dustin grunted, "Ashley who?"

Zoey was consternated. "Dustin! What are you doing? You have lied to me for weeks?"

Their parents did not understand.

Dustin tried to run away.

But Mr. Brooks stopped him. "No way! You are not going anywhere. What is going on?"

Zoey had to tell them the whole story. "Dustin has used me for over a month."

Mrs. Brooks was consternated.

Mr. Brooks was angry.

Zoey was now determined to get rid of the little bugger.

An ocean inbetween was absolutely appropriate in her eyes.

Too bad, according to Zoey, they were not going to move to a different planet.

Dustin started weeping like a fury.

But it was all his own comeuppance.

The Brooks parents were now really under pressure. But they deemed a separation of Dustin and Zoey totally necessary.

They did not wnt the same troubles at a new school, even an English one. A last tear, and they were gone, taking Zoey along and leaving Dustin in his own tears.

Ashley cackled, "admit to just having missed your sister!"

Dustin stumbled, floundered, and almost passed out.

Zoey caught him. "Dustin?" She shook him. "Is that true?" She sighed deeply.

Dustin regained his awareness and nodded sadly.

Ashley grunted triumphantly, "I knew it!" She yelled across teh campus, "Dustin is so uncool."

Zoey changed her mind.


I am going to stay here.

But you have to promise to not show up ugain in "Brenner Hall" after eight o' clock, will you?

Dustin nodded.

Zoey hugged him.

The parents sighed deeply. "OK, see you during the next vacations …" Now they had to hurry up.

56.5. Chase The Dino

Chase Bartholomew Matthews, Michael Barret, and Carly Shay tried out at the studio of Brad Eichman.

Freddie looking forward to his first paid job as a technical producer.

But their first experiences did not look really promising.

Freddie was degenerated to an errant boy for the adult production team.

Chase was stuffed into a dinosaur's costume.

Michael had composed a new song for the pilot of the TV version of his show. He had put quite some effort into it.

But it got totally ignored.

This was totally disappointed.

Michael's task was now that of just pushing the button of some tape playing some really lame song about dinosaurs.

Carly was forced to moderate the whole thing.

The content of the show was chosen by Brad Eichman himself.

That was definitely not Morgan's idea of a TV version of the Chase and Michael Show.

But was there a way for Chase, Michael, and Carly to get out of the whole crap?

56.6. Cal moves away

Some moves had started to take a rather unpleasant turn.

And now there were news from Cal.

The NASA was not unlikely to hire him for the next years.

There was still a probatory period to be passed.

But I could not wish him to flunk it. Even less did I wish to see him move away from California. I was now about going to slip into my greatest crisis since the problem with Otis.

Chapter 57. Too Many Miles

57.1. Dennifer Is Back

A few weeks later, spring term was already over.

Zoey, Chase, and Logan had been on a camping trip to Yosemite National Park with Coco Wexler and Custodian Gordy.

Michael was afraid of bears and thus had refrained from joining, or, rather, he quit in the last moment, jumping off the already rolling open van.

I had to do some quality control stuff for Qualitech.

But now it was time for everyone to return to the campus.

Many kids were already gathered here.

Some of them were new at Pacific Coast Academy.

For example, there was Brooke Margolin, a girl with ancestors from Brazil. She was a great knitter and would soon work together with Mark del Figgalo.

But there was also some not really new tall blond creep. It was no other than Dennifer, the obnoxious ex boyfriend of Stacey Dillsen.

Girls flocked around that creepy rake in droves.

But now he used a different name, viz. James Garrett.

There was something thoroughly fishy.

But what was it?

57.2. Zoey Dates James

The next day, Logan had spread the rumours of Zoey and James dating.

Indeed, she had just been showing him the wau around.

Of course this was absurd.

James alias Dennifer had already been familiar with the campus.

Upon hearing about the rumours, Zoey turned angry and wanted to kill Logan for this.

But after a few hours, the two of them started making out anyways.

That was so deprecable.

Even worse, Carly and Fredward knew the tall blond creep under yet another name, viz. Jake Crendle[[123]] .

Jake was one of the mose hankered boys at Carly's former school, viz. Ridgeway.

A bit later, another probably fake identity showed up: Zippy Brewster[[124]], former student at James K. Polk.

This stank penetrantly from here to the moon and back.

The rotting remains from the kitchen of Sushi Rox smelt not much worse.

Zoey would only be able to ruin herself thoroughly by dating James Garrett.

57.3. Angry Logan

Not much later, Logan Reese really hit the bottom.

We were accustomes to many a perversity by the reckless danfy.

But now the jerk had messed it for good.

Dustin was earning some bucks for buying a web cam for his mother.

This was the best way in order to telecommunicate over the long distance.

Of course there were still the problems with the time shift.

But on weekends, there was still some way.

Logan had hired Dustin again for errants.

But Dustin had to walk so many miles and track down so many things while working for the jerk of jerks.

This was properly impossible.

Once Dustin was a bit too slow and thus unable to respond to Logan's phone call with the next orders.

This caused the playboy to go insane and shout the worst possible insults at Dustin's mail box.

The little freak was now actually intimidated and ran with it to Zoey.

The blond Mary Sue wanted to chop Logan's head off, using a heavy iron golf club.

That would have sounded cool.

Hollow heads make a lot of noise.

But James, Chase, and Michael dissuaded her from doing the right thing.

Instead, Chase and Michael would talk about the topic in the Chase and Michael Show.

57.4. Taylor's Verdict

Carly 's flaming speech against Logan's perverse demeanour got the whole nation upset against the ruthless dandy.

Unfortunately, Dean Taylor could not easily dismiss one of the greatest sponsors of Pacific Coast Academy ever.

I suggested a shrink for Logan, Dr. Paxil[[125]] from Seattle.

Malcolm could afford flying him from Seattle to Los Anegeles once per week in order to treat Logan.

Dustin would no longer work for Logan.

Rose let him work in the cafeteria and at Sushi Rox.

In addition, Zoey Brooks promised to pay half of the price of a web cam.

Finally, Fredward Benson knew some cheap web cams suitable for Ma Brooks.

In addition, Brad Eichman had improved the conditions for Chase and Michael Show due to the brilliant example of denouncing Logan Reese's evilness.

This had raised the quota by thousands of per cent.

In other words, Carly nwas now going to decide on the content.

There would be no snobbish co-moderator to be chosen by Brad Eichman.

And, best of all, there would be no dinosaur costume.

In addition, the show would get its own band.

A fairly new band centered around Harper Harris[[126]] was going to back up the show.

Harper had been recommended by his cousin André.

After the first appearances of Harper, Gustavo Rocque was ready to pay the afro american teenager some horror sum in order to join the band of Drake Parker.

Harper would work closely together with Lisa Perkins, too close for the taste of Michael Barret.

57.5. Winchester

Not much later, one of Faye Dunnaway's horses had broken loose from the ranch and made it to our campus. This was Winchester. The stallion followed Michael, nowadays the new errant boy of Logan Reese, all over the campus.

Fortunately we thought of Faye Dunnaway and called her on site.

I was my day for visiting Otis, anyways.

Michael was still allergic to horses.

This was only one of his many phobias.

57.6. Charity Walkathon And Frazz

The following weekend, there was a charity walkathon at Pacific Coast Academy.

Dustin and Zoey were going to do the long walk.

This was the perfect moment for "Frazz", the perfect power drink.

Cal had already approved this drink for the NASA.

It would soon been drunk in outer space.

Zoey did not allow Dustin to drink from it.

But Stacey had got no qualms.

Secure in the knowledge of Stacey breaking down after less than a mile, Logan Reese bet thousand bucks per mile on Stacey Dillsen.

Down to Frazz, Stacey and her partner Emilia Brandon[[127]] were able to make fifty miles.

This made Logan owe the organisers fifty thousand bucks.

His father would not love hearing about this …

But Cal's and my power drink would soon be sold also on earth by Qualitech and Blix.

Cal was still chiefly in California.

But he would leave during the summer break.

It was not easy for me.

Chapter 58. The Return Of The Jock

58.1. Dark Anticipations

A year ago, Vince Blake had been expelled from Pacific Coast Academy by Dean Rivers.

Dean Taylor had cancelled this action.

But the board members refused to take an aggressive and physically violent creep back at Pacific Coast Academy.

Littkle diva Ashley, the little sister of the mega jock, had never been able to accept this and threatened to "work on his return".

With the arrival of Dr. Paxil, there was now even less of a reason left.

The shrink from Seattle would not only treat Logan Reese, but also Vince Blake.

But Vince actually appeared to have turned nice.

However, I could not trust the peace.

Ashley Blake was a hell of an actress. She could easily teach Vince to turn nice.

Sarah Kyla was a good body guard.

But Ashley definitely preferred it to stay in the family. She had probably also got some thoroughly perverted plan for his deeds following his return to Pacific Coast Academy.

There could not be any good.

A tiger can't change its stripe.

Sarah Kyla was going to leave Pacific Coast Academy for another customer somewhere else.

This reduced the possibility of certain creeps coming to learn about my shameful past as a pageant girl.

Seeing it this way, the return of Vincent Blake was even somewhat advantageous for me.

58.2. Trouble Maker

Vince was now back. He appeared flattering and all that stuff.

Chase,Michael and Logan were also not believing in the whole change. They wanted to use some trouble maker on Vince.

With some rare materials provided by Cal, I had invented some pellets blowing up after a while when exposed to warm water.

Michael wanted to put one of them into Vince's coffee.

Logan was still on probation. So he should have been careful.

For some reason, Vince must have smelled the smouldering slow match and refrained from drinking the coffee.

Oh, by the way, lunch lady Rose was now selling coffee outside the general opening hours. She had employed Dustin as a coffee vendor.

Dean Taylor's negotiations with new corporations providing and outfitting vendor machines were equaly progressing.

Qualitech was now producing quality vendor machines, using an idea of Cal's, implemented by me, of course.

The establishment of the new machines was planned for fall.

The first tests on the campus of Silver Springs at had been very satisfactory.

But this was quite another story.

58.3. Lola's And Zoey's Weakness

During the following hours, Vince Blake started hitting on Lola Martinez during her yoga lessons.

That was reeally low.

Vince was probably just abusing the Hollywood diva in order to get back at no other than Chase bartholomew Matthews, still sort of a friend of the starlet.

But wouldn't that hurt Ashley?

The two of them were still at each other's throat.


It could be Ashley's mean trick intention to keep Lola better under observation.

Honestly, Lola did not deserve it any better.

So there was no need to intervene.

Lola could have been incredibly stubborn, anyways.

Her new air bra, my aforementioned invention, allowed her to make it into more inappropriate movies.

Ashley was still trying to find a way to get at one.

Lola was now making it into some adult movie.

But that was some different story altogether.

As a next step, Vince Blake was also able to fool Zoey Brooks and thence James Garrett alias Zippy Brewster alias Dennifer alias Jake Crendle.

The tall blond rake was still dating the naïve blond Mary Sue.

This was absolutely no good.

According to Carly Shay, James had been dating a certain busty blond bitch named Stephanie Javers[[128]] back at Ridgeway.

OK, that was yet a different story altogether.

Of course Zoey was not believing and forgiving Vince Blake for nothing. She was bribed with a bag of gummi bears.

That was really lowly.

58.4. Naïve Boys

Logan, Michael, and Chase were still not convinced of Vince's changed demeanour. They were now trying to hit him with some disgusting crap, fired at him using a steel onager.

Said siege engine had been invented by myself, with ideas from Cal, Mindy, and Wayne.

But the naïve creeps were too dumb to use it correctly and always missed Vince, hitting Stacey instead.

This was absolutely no fun at all.

Finally, even Chase was persuaded by Vince Blake's fake charm.

This was totally ridiculous.

58.5. Dinner At Vaccaro's

Vaccaro was a very exclusive restaurant not far from the very campus of Pacific Coast Academy.

Orf course dining there was too expensive for most of us.

The exceptions included Logan Reese, of course.

But James Garrett had made some savings during last summer break. Or so he claimed. And now he was abusing them in order to afford a dinner at Vaccaro's with Zoey.

This sounded so fishy.

Most kids would keep those savings for the time after high school.

A boy wasting them for one dinner must have been perverse or insane.

Blond Mary Sue Zoey Brooks was apparently much too dumb and too naïve to see something like that.

I had talked about this problem to Samantha and Carly.

The latter had already been a victim of James Garrett's vicious charm. She had just been lucky to have been seconf to Stephanie Javers.

Zoey and James were now sitting in the expensive restaurant and ordering an expensive steak.

The food here was no better than stuff made by Rose or Kazu, just way more expensive.

But now it was time for a "surprise dessert".

Maître D' Maurice, the first waiter at Vaccaro's, was ready to serve it.

Zoey and James were already looking forward to the sweets.

And there it was …

Stephanie Javers showed up.

James growled, "Stephanie?"

Zoey grunted, "who's that girl?"

James denied knowing her.

This was of course nonsense.

He had already mentioned her name.

Finally, Zoey turned suspicious.

In addition, Stephanie would inform her brother Chuck, aforementioned wrestling tank.

The latter was not exactly supposed to be up to going easy on guys cheating on his sister.

Zoey Brooks at least was done with him. She poured some sauce Bechamel over James' dinner jacket before running away.

58.6. Frazz Machine

The contracts with the new vendor machines were now almost ready.

After some final fixes suggested by Cal, Frazz was soon going to be sold at vendor machines at Pacific Coast Academy.

That sounded totally cool.

Chapter 59. Fears

59.1. Boring Lessons

Mr. Beringer's lessons for physics were boring as usual.

The topic of this term was potential and kinetic energy.

Well, that nightmare of a teacher for physics had never really wanted to.

Fortunately, it was his last year as our teacher.

Next year, Mindy Crenshaw would be our student teacher.

I was already looking forward to it.

But that was still stuff of the future.

Of course Mr. Beringer was only talking about absolutely brainless trivialities.

But the unholy rest of the kids here did not understand zilch.

This was especially the case for Zoey Brooks.

The blond Mary Sue was still mourning over her break up with the "one true tall blond rake", viz. James Garrett alias Zippy Brewster alias Dennifer alias Jake Crendel.

I told Mr. Beringer about the absurdity of his way of teaching about physics. "You need to show it by means of useful examples."

Beringer guessed, "such as a tesla coil or a ship's turbine?"

Both of them were cool devices. But they were inappropriate in this context.

Thus I suggested the perfect example for the topic of potential and kinetic energy.

And this was the rollercoaster.

Of course the kids did not just want Mr. Beringer to talk about the rollercoaster. They wanted to ride one.

And this was the perfect goal for a class field trip.

There were several big rollercoasters in southern California.

But the most impressive one were those of Mystic Mountaib near San Diego.

There were two rollercoasters, side by side.

One of them was known as the Demonator[[129]] , the other one as the Spine Twister.[[130]].

Usually, only one of them was open.

The other one was closed for upgrading.

This way, Mystic Mountain was always able to build the next super rollercoaster.

They were never dropping behind.

59.2. Michael The Coward

Alas, Michael Barret was totally afraid of rollercoasters. He had not yet talked about these horribly overwhelming fears.

But who cared.

It was nothing but yet another one of his countless phobias.

Unfortunately, Michael had been carelessly talking about this right after the lessons in physics.

And now there was the unholy crap.

Of course recklessly perverse Logan Reese had spread this "important information" among the students.

Lola was biting Logan's ear bleeding for doing so.

But this did not stop the consequences.

Many kids were now making fun of Michael.

59.3. Space Training

Zoey wanted Michael to lose his fears of the rollercoaster.

This was not easy.

But I had got an idea.

Cal had already developed some devices for the NASA suitable for training astronauts.

The work had been sponsored by one Richard Blanton[[131]], some weird billionaire selling space flights.

I just needed to adapt the system for Michael's needs.

This was an easy task.

Cal was by the way trying to get me an internship at the NASA.

That would be a hell of a lot of fun.

But the current purpose of the whole scenario was that of helping Michael to get rid of fears.

I tied Michael to a sort or chair.

The seat would be subject to controlled motions, simulating a trip in a rollercoaster.

Michael cried and whimpered like an idiot.

It was hopeless.

We un tied him.

He ran right into the next wooden door, hurting his skull badly.

That was totally uncool.

I sighed deeply.

The next test, tying Michael into a ball rotating into varying directions, was now obsolete.

59.4. The First Kiss

We were watching another eoisode of the Chase and Michael Show.

Of course the rumours about Michael's fears had got an influence on the viewers of his web show.

It got renamed to Big Coward Show, at least in the minds of the fans of Logan Reese.

Samantha Puckett was in the cast of this episode.

Carly gave her the microphone.

Samantha started talking.

Dear viewers, many of us are afraid of something.

This is not only valid for Michael Barret.

Others are afraid of something, too.

For example, I am afraid of kissing boys,

She panted like an ancient steam engine.

The cast and the viewers started grunting for panic.

Nobody had ever supposed dauntless Samantha Puckett to be afraid of anything.

This fear was overwhelmingly surprising.

Sam suspired, She looked at Fredward Benson. "Fredweeb, would yoy please …."

Freddie started trembling. He had never been over the shock of Sam's declaration while under the impact of the incorporable deodorant.

By the way teh unwanted side effect of making users laugh uncontrollably had now been removed, thanks to Cal's and Mindy's wonderful suggestion of adding some extract of rat spittle.

Samantha grabbed Fredward and told him,

Come on! You want to get over your fears of kissing girls.

I know that!

We won't hurt each other this time around!

Twitching Fredward Benson nodded solemnly.

Samantha pulled him into a tedious kiss.

Many noises were heard.

The feedback spiral increased the rumours almost exponentially.

Freddie had to cut off the power supplies for a moment in order to stop it.

Sam may have kissed many boys already, but she had always done so with inner disgust and full of reservations.

Now it was all totally different.

59.5. The Next Days

Samatha's plea that changed Michael's situation radically.

Unfortunately, Stacey Dillsen was now running completely amuck, trying to poke everyone with her cotton swabs. She was totally disgusted by "Seddie".

But now her hopes of "Creddie" were drifting down the drain.

After the session, a few other pupils afraid of rollercoasters admitted to it.

One of them was Wendy Gellar, one of Dustin's former silent crushes and rejects of Drake Parker. She also talked to Michael about her experiences with famous Drake Parker, similar to his experiences with Lisa Perkins.

A few months laterm, they would not just go together on their first rollercoast ride, they would even use the yet experimental new "Demonator" for that purpose. Being composers, they would write a song about it: Not Afraid To Fly[[132]], a later number one song by Victoria Vega and some Kendall Knight from Minnesota.

Chapter 60. Mr. Takato

60.1. Junior Prom Approaching

Our Junior Prom was now approaching really fast.

Of course I had not got a partner.

But that was nothing special.

Zoey Brooks was still in a totally stinky mood because of having fallen for that obnoxious tall blond creep.

Michael Barret had got no partner, either. But he wanted to show up with his new old car.

The vehicle was switch driven.

This was another phobia.

Michael had hitherto been only able to ride automatic cars. But he was hell bent on learning to do so.

But his success had hitherto been limited.

The car, a gift from his dad, ended up in the shrubbery.

That was really stupid of him.

I thought about fixing his car.

Rebuilding a stick switched vehicle into an automatically switched one was possible.

I just had to think about Chase's lawn mower, or, equivalently, his race cart.

The old lawnmower from Joe Braxley's junk yard had been manua;;y controlled.

But Chase would not have had the possibility of winning againstEdmond Bigby and Logan Reese in na stick switched machine. He was not even able to control a stick-switched bicycle.

Cal had recently shown me the blue prints of his plans for a new space ship, autromatically switched, of course.

This would have been a very good example for a new control system for Michael's old car.

And I would have been able to combine it with the voice driven system from the office machine.

But somehow, Michael did ot trust my inventions.

There was absolutely no reason for that.

They always worked perfectly, didn't they?

He was probably still upset because of the space flight simulater deployed in an attempt of making Michael overcome his fears of the rollercoaster.

60.2. Mysterious Stranger

Two days later, Michael Barret was actually able to ride his old stick driven vehicle.

But how was that possible?

Michael had of course got a teacher for that avail.

This was an elderly Japanese creep named Mr. Takato[[133]] . According to Michael Barret's statements, Mr. Takato was teaching mathematics at Pacific Coast Academy middle school.

I checked the yearbooks and the current registry.

There was no such teacher names Mr. Takato, nor anyone corresponding to Michael's other elements of description.

The last teacher at Pacific Coast Academy aged over seventy had been Mr. Hotchins[[134]] . But he had been involved in the scandal concerning the vendor machines. Consequently, he had also been arrested by Officer Vega and thus removed from our school.

There wer a few teachers of Japanese ethnicity.

But none of them was aged over fifty.

It was all thoroughly fishy.

The methods of Mr. Takato were similar to those of some martial movie from the eighties.

Wayne Gilbert pointed this out to me. He had formerly been a fan of some martial arts hero, whatever. But now he could not talk about it. He was busy preparing for his prom ball with Melinda Crenshaw as his partner.

They were such an infinitely cute couple.

I sighed for being alone at the ball.

But corrupting and perverting myself for a ball was absolutely not an option.

I was by no means willing to make a decadent fool of myself. But I had to find out about the secret of Mr. Takato.

Maybe it was just a hallucination in Michael's brain.

Then it would be possible to measure him with my brain monitor.

I just needed to attach it to Michael's brain.

But Mr. Takato may have been some other phenomenon.

I needed to try to examine him with my quinnocular.

This would give me more insights into the subsistence of the mystery man.

Cal's ultrasonic tomograph, as already used for detecting the manipulation of the vendor machines, would be equally useful.

60.3. Prom Court

There had never been any doubts about the choice of Prom King and Prom Queen.

Of course Vincent Blake and Lola Martinez were going to make it.

And that must have been the whole point of the relationship between Lola and Vince, at least from Lola's perspective.

The prom court couple was not only going to get a double sided photograph in the yearbook, but it would be displaye din all major newspapers and TV channels of the greater area of Los Angeles.

And that was not only due tp the work of Jeremiah Trottman and his local news channel.

Jane Kennedy[[135]], one of the greatest TV producers of Los Angeles, make this the whole world, had sent her team to this school.

Fredward Benson was eager on learning from them. He knew much more about media technology than those professionals, anyways.

But that was not a problem.

Anyways, for Lola, this was a great opportunity to become even more well known. She was also partially responsible for organising the prom framework. She had hired Lisa Perkins and Harper Harris as the prom band, much to the dismay of Michael Barret.

Of course, there was no rule for the prom court to be dating for real.

But it was helpful.

During the last four years, the prom court had always been a couple.

That was just prejudice.

Of course there had not been a prom queen during the whole era of the Pacific Coast Academy as a school exclusively for boys.

Thus it was all just a calculated move by the Hollywood diva. She had not got any feelings whatsoever for Vince Blake.

That could be really creepy.

But what was Vince Blake really up to?

His plans did hardly stop at prom night.

He was probably up to ruining Chase slowly and painfully, without any direct violence.

I decided to sneak i nto the prom party hall with Stacey Dillsen.

She had not got a partner, either. She had returned to her old wallflower existence after her hir growth's return to normality.

We got past the bouncer.

I had to make him drop unconscious by pinching his elbow, a trick based on the neurological studies started by Cal.

Now the fun could begin.

There was one year left for me at Pacific Coast Academy.

And so many things were still to be researched, especially the excessively intriguing secret of Mr. Takato.

Chapter 61. Last Year At PCA

61.1. End Of Summer

My summer break had been a bit sad.

This was down to the departure of Cal from California.

Really, what was remaining from this wonderful state?

"California" without "Cal" is just "Ifornia".

And this was almost sounding like "fornication", with a prefix "i".

Fredward Benson liked that prefix, for some odd reason. He made up many expressions. For example, he wanted to change the name of the web show to iCarly.

That was a bit creepy.

But bear with it.

61.2. Back On The Campus

Seeing the campus again, I stumbled into the new vendor machines.

Gordy was already about wiring them. He insisted in weasel proof wires.

Those little critters were able to bite wires and tubes.

A gentle wave of the mighty Pacific was swopping ashore.

And there was Zoey Brooks. The blond Mary Sue, inspite of her problems with James, must have had a very exciting time during the summer break. According to her report before the departure, she had worked as a bay watch at Chambrolay[[136]] on Maui.

Mr. Brooks knew the manager of that hotel.

Their global headquarters were located in London.

This allowed Zoey to get the job.

Originally, James had been featured as her companion for those days on Hawaii.

But this plan got destroyed by the breakup of the two of them.

Lola would have been the next choice, just two weeks after her return into Zoey's dormitory room. She was interested in spending some time at a beach with the residences of many hot stars.

It would have been an occasion for increasing her general popularity.

Her main dream would have been that of getting shown on a picture made on the yacht of one of those established superstars, gliding over the waves of Hawaii.

Lola deemed herself irresistable in hula outfit or a beach muumuu.

Unfortunately, her dream of sun, wind, and waves had not got a chance of coming true.

Lola's mother had arranged Lola to tutor her cousin Trina over the summer break.

That had been really horrible.

As her last resort, Zoey chose Dustin to come along with herself to Hawaii.

This was really awkward.

But OK, it had been the fallback choice.

So, what had been Zoey's adventures down by the beach of Hawaii, with the moon up in the sky and the gentle waves chock full with hot surfers and jesters in a white shark's costume?

She was only reluctantly talking about them.

This was probably down to her still ongoing anger about the stuff with James Garrett alias Zippy Brewster alias Jake Crendle et alii.

But Dustin had also been quite some burden.

This gave me the idea for a sociological project.

My attempt of using Mark del Figgalo had failed miserably for the aforementioned attempt had failed miserably.

But now I had found a new topic:

My work would be about the isbling relationship between Zoey Brooks and Dustin Brooks.

That was a very creepy subject, full of hurt and comfort, overprotectivity and striggle for independence.

Ashley Gonzalez had been a pain in my neck for four years.

But this endlessly productive topic would tilt the tide.

The summer break of the other kids had been less interesting.

Logan had been spending most of the summer time in Santa Barbara, inviting a bunch of chicks for an almost everlasting party.

Michael had been working for his father.

Chase was not willing to talk at all about his summer break.

Oh well!

I did not really care.

Those were just rumours.

James Garrett had not returned to Pacific Coast Academy at all. He had probably assumed yet another name and was now most likely looking for other excruciatingly gullible girls at some other school in order to abuse them mercilessly.

Chase and Michael had already sent a warning with their web show.

Carly had urged girls of the whole world to refrain from falling for that treacherous tall blond rake.

But the creep may have changed the colour of his hair.

And th eweb show, inspite of being fairly popular, was still not reaching all high schools all over the nation.

Fortunately, this was by no means my business.

There were also a few new pupils.

One of them was Nevel Papperman, the freak from Seattle. Two years ago, he had fixed my problem with the poorly tuned automatic trombone. He had supposed me to be the reincarnation of Nikola Tesla.

I had not come to think much about it.

But maybe this was now going to change.

Nevel was assigned the same dormitory room as Dustin Brooks.

This was a bit scary.

But it probably had to be.

Also Megan Parker, the annoying little sister of Drake and alike looking remote relative of Carly Shay, was now a new student at Pacific Coast Academy.

There were also a few new teachers.

Aforementioned Mr. Hotchins was finally replaced.

During the last year, a few student teachers had taken turns.

But this year, Ms. Rosalyn Pinchbinder[[137]] would teach about economy. She had hitherto been workimg as a bookkeepr in New York City.

I have already talked about Mindy Crenshaw's task as a student teacher for science.

Another new teacher was Harry Joiner[[138]] , a well known pop artist. He was of course going to teach classes in arts.

Lars Balthasar[[139]] , the most famous living violoncellist, was our new teacher for music and for the drama club. He was one of the reasons for Nevel Papperman and Megan parker coming to Pacific Coast Academy.

Coach Keller had been suspended.

Coach Peirson from aforementioned Rocky Road was going to replace him. He was joined by two of his former students, viz. Adelaide Singer and Zachariah Carter Schwartz.

This was going to be my last, yet not least, year at Pacific Coast Academy.

Chapter 62. Chain Letters

62.1. Consuela's Revenge

My attempts of catching Mr. Takato had not yet been faithful.

But then the next similarly unexplainable crap happened.

Fredward Benson had received a chain letter from his friend Charles Cornelius Gibson, or, a usually known, Gibby.

This was a weird freak usually running around shirtless.

As usual, the letter was accompanied by some sort of threat passed along the chain.

The content of the threat of this letter chain was "Consuela's evil revenge".

This sounded totally scary.

According to Gibby, the first person to break the chain had been subject to terrible things.

Dustin Brooks shivered. "I don't want to know about these things. I am not afraid!" But two seconds later, he started squealing "Zoey!"

I made a note about this for my records used for aforementioned socialogical studies concerning the case Zoey and Dustin.

By the way, the Brooks kids were not aware of being subject of a sociological study, let alone the bet with Ashley Gonzalez.

Freddie refused to believe in vengeful curses.

I would not have wanted to believe in them either.

But Mr. Takato was very fascinating. He was so irreal, but so real at the same time.

Was that even possible?

I could not make much sense of him.

Just writing off a curse would thus have been hypocritical.

In addition, Nevel Papperman had incited my interest into the "theory" of reincarnation.

This was equally mind provoking.

And Nevel's move to Pacific Coast Academy even forced me more and more into thinking about it.

But the little freak had also got his own theory about the curse of consuela.

62.2. PakRat

Carly was also struck by other worries.

According to news received from Fredward Benson's mother Marissa, Carly's brother Spencer had found an old arcade box on the junk yard. Now he was totally addicted to some oldfashioned game named PakRats[[140]]. He was about dropping all his customers, such as a mid-aged man paying him for a sculpture of some exotic dog.

The game was like thirty years old.

Sasha Striker[[141]] was holding the eternal record for its high score.

This reminded me of Chase's and Logan's insane bet.

Chase was still holding the local high score for the cart race game. He had now beaten Logan in a real cart race. But he was interested in the global record as well.

I had to do some research.

According to the interweb gaming portal, the record had recently been topped by one Christine Saunder[[142]] from San Francisco.

That teenage girl was generally known as the "Prodigy" of arcades.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews was now absolutely hell bent on beating that record.

I thought of a face to face duel.

Samantha Puckett was by no means keen on getting Christine to come hereto.

Just a little research was necessary in order to figure the reason.

Christine Saunders looked a lot like Samantha and Melanie.

And that was by no means whatsoever an incident.

Chris was a cousin of Sam and Mel.

Fredward Benson had already got a hard time chewing the existence of Melanie.

And now an alike looking cousin was about entering the picture.

Freddie would have run absolutely amuck.

62.3. Cursed World

Nevel laughed about the naïve view of Consuela's dirty little revenge as expressed in the chain letters.

So, what was his understanding of it?

Nevel explained:

"Consuela" is falsely deemed a girl's name.

But that is so thoroughly wrong.

First, the Latina girl's name is properly "Consuelo".

Grammatically, this is male.

Thus you will laugh about it. But you are just fools.

"Consuelo" is just the short form of "Santa Maria del Consuelo", viz. "St. Mary of the consolation".

Latinos are traditionally proud of the cult around St. Mary.

There is such a host of different attributes attached to her.

But this does not matter here.

An aramaic word for "consolation" is "nahum".

This is for example also the name of a prophet of the Old Testament.

The prophets are supposed to herals woe and consolation.

But the name also appears as part of a town mentioned several times in the New Testament, viz. "Caphernaum", meaning the site of consolation.

According to the Gospel according to Matthew, the saviour was active there, but he was not thanked appropriately. Thenceforth this city was cursed.[[143]]

And this exactly is "the curse of Consuela".

Those chain letter freaks are just vile vulgarisers.

I gasped.

It was better to let sleeping dogs rest.

Fredward Benson was of course way too stubborn to swallow nevel's explanation.

62.4. The Prodigy At PCA

Samantha's protestations notwithstanding, Christine Saunder was now coming to town.

Michael and Chase wanted her in the web show.

Chase was challenging Christine officially.

It was going to be a death match for a new record.

Freddie was consternated upon seeing Chris.

The latter was so easy to confuse with her evil cousin Samantha, and with her good cousin Melanie.

And have I already mentione Ann "Pinky" Turzo[[144]] from New York City, another alike looking cousin of the three of them?

Unfortunately, Fredward had just passed out.

I had to treat him with syringes and strong medications, plus a few electric shocks.

Thus Wayne Gilbert took over the web cam.

The match was very close for quite some hour.

But in the end, Chase Bartholomew Matthews was not really able to endanger the record mark established by Chris Saunder. Now he was very sad.

62.5. Marie Curie's Letters

Alas, the chain letters sent by kids were not the most important ones.

Aforementioned movie about Marie Curie was partly based on any not yet published letters by the same.

And Cal had mailed me about possibly lost letters of Nikola Tesla.

They may be a key to proving my identity as the reincarnation of the great genius of the past.

Nevel's presence at Pacific Coast Academy had rekindled my interest.

Cal may have used his contacts in order to reinforce the search.

But was I ready to find out?

Chapter 63. Sam's Debts

63.1. Birthdays Ahead

I was finally about turning eighteen.

Sam had already thought about a gift for having invented the automated trombone and having performed the surgeries, otherwise really expensive. But she was out of money. She already owed gazillions of bucks to Carly Shay.

Carly did not seem to need the bucks right now. She may even have forgotten about them.

But sooner or later, this would be more of an issue.

Carly would finally need the bucks, too.

Thus Sam wanted to pay back her debts to her best friend. Only than would she be able to make gifts for other kids' birthdays. She also wondered, "does Michael's Mr. Takato take bucks for teaching to ride a car?" She was aboit turning sixteen, not far from then.

I gasped.

Indeed, nobody besides Michael Barret had ever heard or seen Mr. Takato on the campus.

But it had once been a subject of a segment of the web show.

And, indeed, some viewers had even answered.

But the reports were so contreadictory.

Mr. Takato would have had the gift of ubiquity.

In other terms, several witnesses had encountered him at several clearly distinguished places at the same time.

According to Nevel Papperman, there had once been a Count of Saint Germain. The creep must have lived for around two centuries. And he had been seen at several places at the same time.

OK, ythat was not helpful in our context.

Samantha Puckett needed to find a way to pay for her debts.

Of course, most people would have told Samantha to get a job.

But that was not really easy.

Working for the cafeteria or for Sushi Rox was unfortunately out of question.

Of course, at first glance, a job at a restaurant of any sorts appeared ideal for someone like Samantha Puckett.

She loved eating and would have enjoyed being ata place like a foot storage.

But, unfortunately, neither Rose nor Kazu could allow for such a thing. They would have lost their fridges' contents within some extremely short time.

Thus Sam needed to find someone unwary, not knowing about her true character.

There were several restaurants nearby.

Not all of them were aware of Sam.

One of those noble establishments was aforementioned Vaccaro's.

Samantha would probably hate the snobs usually eating in restaurants like that one.

But it had to be.

Melanie was going to negotiate with them.

There was also another restaurant named Pete's And Sam's[[145]], not far from here.

Was the name an accident?

I had never found out.

63.2. Begging Online

Carly had got the idea to use their web show i order to beg for bucks.

But according to aforementioned Claire Sawyer, our future lawyer, this was illegal.

Thus Carly had to scratch it.

Samantha had even wondered, "how much would I get for my kidneys?"

I did not even have to ask Doc Hollywood.

The answer was too simple.

Due to having swallowed an overdose of Logan's rib rub, the spice mix containing Peruvian puff pepper, Sam's kidneys were prone to failure.

In the case of Samantha Puckett's robust metabolism, this was not likely to cause Sam any problem.

Sam's body was totally able to compensate it in one or the other manner.

But in the body of an average kind of sort of person, Samantha's kidneys would have been a walking land mine.

That was thus absolutely no option.

63.3. Traces Of Tesla

In the meantime, Cal had continued his search for the forgotten life of Nikola Tesla.

Mr. Jamerson, aforementioned teacher for science in New York City, had discovered traces of a person claiming to be a great grandson of said genius of the past.

Tesla had never been married and stuff, or been aywhere close to being engaged.

Family life would have been detrimental to his scientifioc and technological creativity.

The claim of aforementioned guy was thus very dary and hard to believe.

It would have helped a bit further, though.

Mindy Crenshaw may have hypnotised me and compared my regression to the genetic memory of said pretendant. She was great at doing things like this.

Many forgotten things could be reveiled this way.

63.4. Disgusting

Samantha's attempts of making bucks by working as a waitress at Vaccaro's had failed miserably.

The evil maître d' had been shamelessly abusing her.

That was totally mean.

Samantha had especially been forcecd to clean the toilets, including thoise of the men.

And this was more than just disgusting.

Samantha had to puke a lot. She even seemed to have vomited her mind out.

In other words, after returning from her evening at Vaccaro's, nothing but a brainless zombie was left.

Samantha did not want Fredward Benson to see her in such a state.

Vaccaro's would soone ror later dismiss Samantha, anyways.

That attempt of earning bucks had failed miserably.

Applying for a job as a waitress over at Pete's And Sam's did not look much more promising.

The result would have been similar.

63.5. Suing Logan

Having heard about the problems with the Peruvian puff pepper, future advocate Claire Sawyer suggested Sam to go and sue the Reese family for the suffered pain form the kidney problems.

The creeps were rich enough to pay Sam a decent sum.

Otherwise Samantha should not just threaten to use the web show or Jeremiah Trottman's news channel, but the big TV boroadcasting corps for support.

Claire was now altready working on her formal plea.

The sum would be big enough for Samantha Puckett to pay her debts back unto Carly Shay and to afford a little birthday gift for me, and maybe even for the drivers' license.

Mr. Takato had still not reappeared.

He seemed to have been forgotten long since.

Even Michael could hardly remember having ever known such a guy.

But more and more people appeared, claiming to be witnesses of Takatro.

I had to do some more research.

Chapter 64. Kelly Cooper

64.1. Terrible Short Movie

Chase Bartholomew Matthews was still a gifted playwright.

Unfortunately this was not enough.

As aforementioned, his play about the alien girl, as performed four years ago, had served exclusively the purpose of hitting on Zoey Brooks.

He had on and off tried to integrate his activity into his web show.

But not much had ever come out of this.

Michael had supported Chase by writing backup tunes for those skits and short movies.

The results had always been terrible.

Thus their series of short movies got called, xyx … a terrible movie.

In the beginning, Chase and Michael had trashed most of their stuff. They would have liked to get actresses like Lola Martinez, or even Ashley Blake, o perform in these.

But the movies were vastly underneath the dignity of those snobbish divas.

This judgment hurt Chase Bartholomew Matthews a lot.

The arrival of Carly Shay at Pacific Coast Academy had changed this. She really liked all that short movie stuff and was ready to perform in some of them.

Carly's absolute favourite had been Kelly Cooper.

This short play was about a normal high school girl putting up with a gang of bullies, but finding true happiness.

Kelly had to kiss a weird guy in the end.

Carly Shay was going to play Kelly Cooper.

Samantha Puckett was up to being the leader of the bully gang.

Chase chose Dustin Brooks as the weird guy to kiss Kelly Cooper.

That was a bit scary.

Dustin was still unable to desist from thinking about Carly and blushing all the time.

64.2. Basketball Team

The middle school basketball team had been fvery promising during my first year here at Pacific Coast Academy.

The expectations for our high school basketball team had thus been really high.

Unfortunately, the arrival of Coach Keller had changed this radically.

Only Zoey's discipline had saved them from dropping even lower.

The regionals had been be reached, but nothing more.

Aforementioned crisis of Logan Reese had been detrimental, on top of thye perversity of coach Keller.

This season, coach Peirson had taken over a desolate squad.

The hopes were high, just because of the absence of coach keller.

Even no coach at all would have been deemed a better solution than keeping the disgusting creep.

Of course, aforementioned restructuring of the cheerio squad had helped us, too.

This had already been established for the football team, at least until the expulsion of Vincent Blake and after his return.

Granted, basketball was running a poor second.

But due to Chase's property as a basketball player, the team was most tightly connected to the Chase and Michael Show.

But the star of the team was now no other than Zachariah Carter Schwartz, aforementioned ecopacifist freak.

At the same time, my all natural energy drinks were generally available.

They were an equally pure and natural improvement of Frazz.

Zach was thus excessively keen on the new all natural drink.

The popularity of this beverage increased exponentially, especially withing the basketball team.

In other terms, the "Stingray" basketball team was now "powered by Frazz!"

64.3. Première

It was now time for the first broadcast of Kelly Cooper — The Terrible Movie.

The whole basketball team was involved in the background, along with the logo of my improved Frazz energy drink.

Many praised Dustin for performing really great, due to blushing and stuff. "What an actor!"

Truth, of course, was the following:

Dustin was not acting at all.

For the time being, Carly did not notice.

Someone had to tell her first.

Maybe Samantha should do that.

After the broadcast, viewers asked about first kisses.

Only a few weeks later, Freddie and Sam have lost their fears of kissing.

For Fredward Benson, this had been his first kiss, period.

For Sam, it had been the first "real" kiss.

Carly talked about "her" Benjamin Huebscher[[146]] .

They had been eating potato salad.

Sam was of course only interested in the salad. She was as hungry as usual.

And having drunk the Frazz based energy drink made her even more hungry than ever before.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews had to admit to Trina Vega as his first kiss. But hw was of course thoroughly regretting it.

As reported, that makeout scene had had absolutely no other purpose than that of making Zoey Brooks jealous.

And that enterprise had gone oh so miserably awry.

Zoey had ever since abandoned him for good.

The reason had been nothing but Chase's endless cowardice.

Was hitherto pure and innocent Dustin Brooks going to learn from this example? He would "lose" Carly as well unless doing so.

Michael Barret, of course, was one big wreck. He had already seduced and abused many a girl until finally finding Wendy Gellar.

There were so many things for him to regret.

64.4. Finally Eighteen!

This was the day of my birthday.

Stacey was insisting in singing me She's s jolly good fellow!, just in the moment of getting up.

That sounded horrible.

Half a year ago, Stacey had started singing a song about sassafras tea.

That had been even worse.

And this year she had been trying out for America Sings, due to having been thoroughly inspired by Lisa Perkins.

Needless to say, the judges had rejected her after a few moments only.

The contest was now coming to an end.

And Stacey had to comment a lot on the broadcasts.

Then I had to blow eighteen cotton swab candles on a cotton swab cake.

There were a few sealed birthday gifts already given to me a bit earlier.

I started opening one of them.

It was from Qualitech.

I gasped.

According to Mr. Savage, the executive council was about renaming Qualitech into Quinntech.

That was one shock.

Of course, only a few letters had to be exchanged for that purpose.

64.5. Cal's Visit

The sday was almost coming to an end.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice in my back. I turned around. "Cal!"

He had actually made a surprise visit, just for my birthday.

Of course there were other reasons for him to make ito Los Angeles every now and then, but not too often.

I had not expected it. I sprang forward and kissed him in a pure and innocent manner. "Oops!" I almost blushed to death.

Cal just giggled.

I tried to forget the moment as fast as only possible.

Was that possible?

His birthday gift, an authorised biography of the invcentor of the hydrogen bomb, distracted me for the time being. It was a great gift.

I sighed deeply.

Chapter 65. America Sings

65.1. Worst Voice

As already mentioned, we were anticipating the final decision for America Sings for the year.

But the great finale was only the end of a stony way.

It had all begun a few months ago.

The judges had collected a bunch of young postulants, certainly some thousand at least, over at Sunset Studio[[147]] .

Each of them had got two minutes in order to sing something.

Stacey had been sent away after just two seconds due to her lisp.

The judges showed no mercy and made some rude remarks.

Stacey's mood had been horrible upon her return to our dormitory room.

Her weeping had kept me from sleeping.

65.2. Other Victims

I tried to comfort Stacey. "Others were even worse off at this contest."

Stacey had not believed it.

But there was a reason for the statement.

And Cal had watched the video of the first call to Sunset.

There were two boys, Eric Blonowitz and Craig Ramirez. They had tried to sing together Beautiful Dreamer.

This wax even worse than Stacey's attempt.

And the names rang a bell.

Those boys had been members of the Belleview team for the robot war league!

And Mindy Crenshaw still knew them quite well.

My idea was now that of inviting them for a visit, showing Stacey some even worse losers than herself.

65.3. David Or Wade

The final decision of America Sings was finally boiling down to a choice between two special boys.

One of them was Wade Collins[[148]] .

The other was David R. Couleda[[149]].

The polls were still in favour of Wade.

But most kids here preferred David.

Carly even wanted to use the web show in order to promote the latter.

Stacey was even a squealing fangirl of David. "Aw, one day, I will be Mrs. Stacey Couleda!" Of course she would be rejected on site by the star.

Bear with it!

He had graduated from Palmwood, just a few months ago.

65.4. The Decision

This was the great evening of the decision.

Craig Ramirez and Eric Blonowitz were actualy here. Unfortunately they were radical "Creddiers" like Stacey Dillsen.

But finally, the decision was ready to be announced.

And the winner was: David R. Couleda!

Most kids over here cheered insanely.

The decision had not been by much more than one thousand votes.

And the real horror:

According to calculations, the promotion during the last session of Chase and Michael Show had actually made the very difference.

That was almost incredible.

Alas, there was a downside.

According to Wade Collins, he needed the prize in order to pay for a vital operation of his sick mother.

Carly, Chase, and Michael had now actually got remorses.

At the same time, Stacey was fumbling with her telescope. She loved gazing at stars.

Fortunately, Eric Blonowitz seemed to share this interest. For that avail, he had recently applied for an internshipo at the NASA.

Cal had come to know about Eric and his bad luck at America Sings for exactly that reason.

And now Eric wanted to go out to the dunes and watch the stars with Stacey.

The cotton swab princess sighed. "OK!"

Now they were gone.

Almost everyone else here sighed for relief.

Just Craig was not exactly happy for having been left alone.

Carly, Chase and Michael wondered what to do.

Without a record contract, Wade would not have been able to pay for the surgery.

Chase offered to write some lyrics for a new song of Wade.

With Michael's great ability of writing tunes, this should give a great song.

Wendy Gellar and Addie Singer were even ready to help them.

Then they just needed to make a music video, with the technical assistance of Fredward Benson.

This would have been submitted straight to Mr. Griffin.

I had got a different idea.

It should have been possibkle to get Doc Hollywood to perform the same surgery for a lower price.

I would have assisted him, for sure.

65.5. Stars At Night

It was already late at night.

Stacey returned from her star gazing session. "According to Eric, my eyes twinkle brighter than most stars."

That sounded really cute.

I wondered, "do you like Eric?"

Stacey stammered. "Uhm …" She had swooned all the time for hot boys, such as Lafe Berkowitz, Vincent Blake, and inevitable Logan Reese.

But Eric Blonowitz was of course infinitely much better suited for Stacey.

Admitting to that was not going to be easy for someone as obsessive as Stacey Dillsen.

But she would better have brought it on before ending up in some perverted relationship with some abusive guy.

65.6. Wade's Sister

I woke up the morning after that.

My cellular phone rang,.

I shook my head while picking it up.

That was Camille, my precious cousin.

I squealed, "Quinn …. hi Cam!"

Camille gruinned. "Quinn!"

I wanted to make it to breakfast. "Hurry up!"

Camille reported, "I have watched the decision of this year's America Sings." She was a total fan of David.

Thus I had not expected anything else.

But there was more to her call.

Camille explained, "our teacher, Ms. Collins[[150]] , is Wade's big sister."

I totally gasped. "Does she know about her own mother's disease?"

I needeedd to plan an impending surgery very carefully.

This would allow me to persuade Doc Hollywood.

Camille shrugged. "I will ask her."

I urged ny cousin to do so. I hoped it to be a very complicated surgery, one allowing me and Doc Hollywood to become famous for.

Alas, Camille's reply would be terrifying.

According to Ms. Collins, their mother was not sick at all.

Had Wade just been pretending in order to make bucks with the fools' pity?

Chase, Michael, and Carly should have been warned.

65.7. The Charlatan

Carly Shay talked to Ms. Collins.

A few phone calls confirmed the whole thing.

Wade Collins had been lying to the mass media.

His mother was by no means deadly sick.

Hence Carly did not need to have any remorses.

Chase and Michael were thoroughly disappointed. They had already started putting quite some efforts into the whole projects.

I was also a bit disappointed. I would have loved to cut the old wench into pices and reassemble the guts.

But all of that was now for naught.

Carly felt now thoroughly abused.

But what was the reckless charlatan going to do?

Chapter 66. Freddie Versus Fred

66.1. Funny Clips

Fredrick Ficklehorn[[151]] was one of the most renowned interweb comedians of our generation.

Chase and Michael had now just obtained the permission for sending his clips in their web show.

These were a lot of fun for mant people.

But there was one exception at least. And this was tech producer Fredward Benson. He deemed the video clips "not particularly funny". Unfortunately he could not keep that opinion for himself.

This statement in our web show was not exactly going to make him popular among the growing fan base of Fredrick Ficklehorn.

66.2. Frazz Envy

The strength of our basketball team had been increasing a lot.

It was even possible, for the first thime in four years, to defeat the "wolves", viz. the team of James K. Polk, in a convincing manner.

Especially Jenifer Mosely and Seth Powers, the leaders of their team, were consternated.

Of course they were aware of one of the reasons:

The web show had clearly evidenced our basketball teams dependence on my energy drink, the new and totally improved "Frazz".

And this kindled the envy of the opponents.

My energy drink was still in a test sales phase. It was not yet everywhere available.

The opponents' teams were thus turning angry.

Finally, the authority against doping at high schools was pushed by the enviars into declaring my energy drink illegal.

I looked consternated.

That was so not fair for an all natural drink.

In addition, the blood of our team members was to be controlled regularly for traces opf my energy drink.

It would have taken over half a year in order top get the last traces purged,.

In other words, most of our team members could not continue to play any longer, especially including Zachariah Carter Schwartz and the coach's own nephiew, Pete Peirson[[152]] .

Coach Peirson had to build a team from scratch.

And that one would only consist of rejects.

In other word, our basketball team was ruined for the rest of the year.

I was going to face some brash criticism for having promoted the usage of my energy druink in the first place.

That meant going through hell.

Cal was already working on some chemical means deployable in order to hide the presence of the traces of my energy drinks.

That sounded cool.

But, on the other hands, it would have increased the sacandal.

And Zachariah Carter Schwartz was by no means willing to swallow unnatural stuff in order to hide the usage of Frazz.

66.3. Fred Killer

The worst fears about the situation of Fredward benson appeared to come true.

The tech producer was going to go through hell.

Fredrick Fiicklehorn had blogged his decision to cease the production of his funny videos properly because of the brash criticism by Fredward Benson.

It boiled down to the statement "Freddie has killed Fred."

The consequences were disastrous.

Fredward Benson was excluded from all clubs at Pacific Coast Academy, especially those run by Wayne Gilbert, a fan of Fredrick Ficklehorn.

This was going too far.

Carly suggested to go to Fredrick Ficklehorn's tree house in Idaho and beg him in person for forgivenness.

But this was not easy during the running term.

I still remembered my troubles through leaving the campus because of the depressive state of Otis.

Carly sighed deeply.

66.4. Tree House Freak

As aforementioned, Fredrick Ficklehorn lived in some tree house.

But there was also a tree house fanatic here at Pacific Coast Academy.

And this was no other than Robert "Scooter" Carmichael[[153]], a room mate of Dustin Brooks for over a year. "Scooter" was also a fan of Fred, probably because of the tree house. He had got one of that sort in San Diego, his home town. He was there a neighbour of aforementioned crazy family of Drake Parker, Megan Parker, and Joshuah Nichols.

He had not yet got a tree house here on the campus.

There was no such thing as woodshop classes here at Pacific Coast Academy.

This was totally different from schools like James K. Polk.

But Stacey Dillsen was a versatile wood shopper. She was certainly able to build a tree house of wooden logs, and not just with cotton swabs.

Maybe such a tree house could even impress Fredrick.

Alas, Stacey needed appropriate tools for building a tree house.

And the logs did not grow exactly on our campus either.

The trees on our campus were protected by some law.

Zachariah Carter Schwartz and his fellow green warrior Tootie[[154]], a cousin of Trina Vega, would have run totally amuck.

Edwin Begley[[155]] , an environmentalist and Hollywood star actor, would have reinforced their lines. He was still very popular and would have dragged everything into the mass media, and that was not our local channel run by Jeremiah Trottman.

Thus it was necessary to get logs from elsewhere.

Hey, there was a lot more wood in Seattle than in southern California.

But we needed to get it to here.

66.5. Mr. Chopsaw

In order to get at appropriate tools for the construction of a treehouse, we contacted Mr. Chopsaw.

The name already suggested his connection with the woodshop business.

And he was indeed a teacher for woodshop at James K. Polk.

Jennifer Mosely was helping us with the contact. She was the best female woodshopper at James K. Polk, ever. Thus she was willing to help us with the tree house as well.

Mr. Chopsaw was finally persuaded into lending us his tool set during the weekends.

This had been the result of tough negotiations.

Chase and Michael had to write a song for him, praising wood.

66.6. Wood Delivery

Spencer Shay had even agreed on sending us a delivery van chock full with wood.

But I needed to give him my ostrich, viz. Marvin, in turn.

Well, the big bird was maybe better off in the hands of Spencer Shay.

Spencer would only deliver the most solid sorts of wood found in the large forests of Washington.

Fredrick Ficklehorn was already interested in coming to see the tree house. He promised to accept Carly's excuses.

But this would only happen in the case of making Fred videos in our new tree house.

And Fredrick insisted in some really great co actress, viz. Ashley Blake.

The diva was not in a good mood right now.

I suggested to let Lola Martinez or my cousin Camille star in the Fred videos.

But for Ficklehorn there was no second choice.

It had to be Ashley Blake.

Were we going to make it?

Chapter 67. Couleda's Thanks

67.1. Trying To Talk To Ashley

I tried again to talk to Ashley Blake.

But she was still in an excruciatingly stinky mood for various reasons.

One of them was directly related to the whole Frazz affair.

Her brother Vince had not yet tried to drink Frazz.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews had been one of the first to admit to liking my energy drink.

And Vince still deemed Chase as the incarnation of the lack of coolness. Of course he was not grateful for having been expell;ed from Pacific Coast Academy just before the match of his life.

But things were even worse.

The official prohibition of my energy drink for members of the basketball team was also valid for each and every other athletic contest for Californian high schools.

And this also included the football team.

In other words, the whole team was now subject to austere control by the medical control team of the Californian federation.

Some members of the football team were also members of the basketball team. And they had already admitted to having dunk my energy drink. They were now also excluded from football for the whole rest of the year.

This was a severe enfeeblement of the football team.

Coach Keller did not know how to fill and stuff the wide gap torn by the exclusion of said players.

Even worse, Ashley was disgusted by the thought of Vince getting stung by syringes with excessively long and pointy needles during the medical tests. After all, she assumed it all to be my fault, and that of the web show promoting my drink.

It was way too much to expect her to thank me for this.

And there was nothing to do about it.

I sighed bitterly.

This meant no Fredrick Ficklehorn in Malibu, and no pardon for Fredward Benson.

Even a free air bra for Ashley would not have fixed that.

She was now able to borrow that of her future sister in law, viz. Lola Martinez, if needed.

The atmosphere between Lola and Ashley was still as icy as the antarctic regions.

But Vince always talked naïve Lola into stuff like that.

67.2. David Couleda At PCA

A day later, the recently crowned champion of America Sings replied to thr Splashface site of the Chase And Michael Show, in an attempt of thanking the guys and girls behind the show for their extremely valuable support of his quest for the title.

It would have been impossible without that intervention in the one right moment.

Furthermore, David Couleda was a fan of Fredrick Ficklehorn's shirt movies. He was very said about the evil words of Fredward Benson. Thus he offered a deal to sing with Fredrick Ficklehorn up in the tree house.

This sounded like changing the situation a lot.

Or so we hoped.

A co-star like David R. Couleda would have made the whole video infinitely much more valuable even for the one and only Fredrick Ficklehorn.

The female stars would not matter that much.

What difference did it make, Camille versus Ashley?

David was the star of the season.

This was valid as much in southern California as in Fredrick's homelands up in Idahoe.

But for the time being, ungrateful Mr. Ficklehorn remained as stubborn as a mule.

67.3. The Prototype

Stacedy Dillsen was now done with a cotton swab model of the treehouse to be built.

Cal had sent her a lot of information about civil engineering and statics.

I just needed to follow his specification and improve and upgrade my aforementioned computer program.

Stacey knew now much more about the statics of various kinds of wood than ever before.

The first logs were already on the campus.

Those were leftovers from former buildings, now absolutely dysfunctional.

Stacey was glad about the impending visit of the superstar.

This raised her working morale to no end.

Jennifer Mosely was already on the campus. She had got some important news concerning Edmond Bigby's school survival guide.

He had sold already over two billions of it.

Now it was time to think about a continuatioone known as Ned's Declassified High School Survival Guide.

On the other hand, Ned was not keen on having lost against Chase.

Both Missy Meany alias Mercedes Griffin and Suzanne Crabgrass had ignored him ever since.

David R. Couleda was one of Ned's idols. He had already been dreaming once upon a time of a wonderful career as a rock or pop star.

Meeting David here on the campus would be a big chance for Ned on his way to continuing his dream of a career.

Maybe Ned would even get a scholarship at Palmwood or at Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.

67.4. Changing Conditions

Jennifer Mosely and Stacey Dillsen were a great team for the construction of the tree house.

The trewe house was now standing, and it was rock solid, down to Cal's additional informations.

Robbie "Scooter" Carmichael grinned like an idiot.

Dean Rivers would never have allowed for the construction of a tree house here on the campus.

Fortunately, Dean Taylor was not as much of a creep. He had even heard about the whole Couleda business. He suggested his niece Joann to play as the female main rôle.

Alas, Ashley Blake walked into my dorm. "Jey! That's uuncool!"

I wondered, "what is?"

Ashley grunted, "You make a movie with David R. Couleda, and without inviting me?"

I choked.

Of course, Ashley had been invited all the time But she had refused over and over again.

Suddenly, David R. Couleda changed her mind like a bursting mine.

She must have been hankering after the superstar.

I sighed deeply.

Fortunately, we could make more than one video.

There was enough place for both Ashley Blake and for Joanne Taylor.

And this was also the turning point for Fredrick Ficklehorn.

He did not care about David R. Couleda.

But Ashley's reorientation did him in.

Now Fredrick Ficklehorn was after Ashley Blake, while Ashley Blake was after David R. Couleda.

Could that go well?

Chapter 68. Tokyo Connections

68.1. International Web Award

Carly Shay had actually achieved the miracle of turning a completely run down intraweb show by two incompetent and perverse fools into an interweb show well known outside the limits of our campus, clearly across the whole country, and even far beyond.

This latter fact was now underlined in a striking manner by a recent letter from some creep in London, no, not the dad of Dustin Brooks, but some other guy responsible for the international web awards.

The Chase And Michael Show had been selected as one of the most popular comedy shows of the whole interweb.

Yet the absolute winner was to be chosen by the viewers present at a final event awards event.

And this ceremony was scheduled for next month in Tokyo, the infamous capital of Japan.

There were even three tickets in the same envelope, for a flight in the business class from Los Angeles to Tokyo, and, of course, back again.

Of course the makers of the show were totally happy about the event.

But there was a big problem, or even two.

First, there were more than three kids responsible for the show.

Second, none of them were able to speak Japanese.

It sounded like an absolute necessity to cast the dice.

At least one adult had to be among them.

Both Chase and Michael were already eighteen years old or would turn eighteen until the scheduled flight.

68.2. Kazu Reclines

I had got an idea. Two years ago, I had been able to charter a company jet from Los Angeles to Seattle.

Was such an action also possible for Tokyo?

I could not really tell.

Of course we were making business with Japanese partners.

But did this justify a flight just in this moment, with several kids not involved in that business?

Mr. Savage was not to be convinced without a trace of sweat.

And then there was the problem with the lack of knowledge of the Japanese language.

I tried to get Kazu to come along with them.

He was certainly able to talk and read Japanese.

I snuck into Sushi Rox.

Kazu sighed. "We are not yet open!"

I knew that, of course. I told him about the real reason for my visit.

Kazu sighed deeply. "I would like to visit Tokyo with you kids. But I can't, not now."

I glared aghst. "Why is this the case?"

Kazu explained, "my cousin from New York City is coming for a visit in Los Angeles in a few weeks." he would have to take care of her.

Ms. Park, the cousin of Kazu, was a teacher, if not a vice principal, at some high school in New York City. Coming to Los Angeles, she would of course love to spend her time at a boarding school. This way, she would learn a lot about efficient mnanagement of a modern educational institution.

OK, Kazu was not going to see most of his relatives very often.

Those living in the United States do so in a variety of regions, scattered all over the land.

But I did not want to let some fool like Chase stumble across a city like Tokyo without a competent guide.

There had to be another solution.

I did not speak Japanese.

But maybe it was possible to learn such a language in a few days?

68.3. Learning Japanese

Cal had once upon a time invented a language teaching system.

It was based on the iron rule: "Pain is the best teacher."

Making a mistake used to be punished with some electric shock.

I sighed deeply.

But it needed to be tested.

68.4. Japanese Partners

Mr. Savage was a bit surprised by my question concerning business partners in Japan.

But there was indeed something up and running.

The project had been initiated by Mr. Malcolm Reese.

As previously reported, the father of Logan had been in Japa in order to make some movie, a bit more than one year ago. He had sent Logan a J-phone from there.

Those devices were still illegal here in California at least.

Likewise, typical american cellular phones did not work well in Japan.

This had been a very big and tough problem for the production team of Malcolm.

For that avail, the company producing the J-phones was looking for a way to make them compatible and work in both Japan and the United states.

Cal had already analysed the technology of that Japanese phone in detail. He had suggested a crossover between the J-phone and the Tek Mate, maybe call to be called Jaymate.

It was a really big project.

And it could need some better coordination.

It was also an excellent occasion to present me to the first partner of Qualitech, oops, Quinntech, outside the limits of the United States of America.

The kids from the web show could be declared as assistants necessary for testing purposes.

Another partner was one of the biggest producer of motocycles in Japan. They had feared our competition due to the improved and upgraded Jet-X.

Also, the lawnmower race had impressed them.

This was a great reason for taking Chase Matthews along with us.

He was a bit depressibve. he had been hankering recently after Chris Saunders, aforementioned cousin of Samantha Puckett.

But the silly wench was into some creepy jock named Ashton Donovan[[156]] .

But Edmond Bigby was still out for revenge. And he had always dreamt of becoming a ninja. He had even given a presentation about Japan for that reason.

It was going to be a big group.

68.5. Takato's Return

I was trying hard to learn Japanese, using the machine by Cal.

Unfortunately, the concept did not work out that well.

I was already feeling tortured all over.

An elderly man walked past me. He looked like the description of Mr. Takato, as reported by Michael. "You try to learn Japanese."

I nodded carefully.

Mr. Takato grinned. "You have tried, and you have failed."

I sighed deeply.

Mr. Takato offered to teach me Japanese.

I was desperate enough to give it a try.

Mr. Takato warned me, "don't even try to learn Japanese before having learned Japanese!"

I looked puzzled.

Was that something like those Japanese Zen rules?

I had never understood that stuff.

But it sounded totally exciting.

I was going to submit myself to the most stupid exercises, wondering, "what has this got to do with learning the Japanese language?"

But only three days later, I would speak it better than even Kazu.

This looked very promising for our trip to Tokyo.

Chapter 69. Big In Japan

69.1. In The Air

The soil of Los Angeles was still underneath us.

But now the engines started howling.

The plane takes off into the clear blue sky, bound for the country of the rising sun.

Chase Matthews, Michael Barret, Carly Shay, Edmong Bigby, Fredward Benson, and Samantha Puckett were coming along with me to Tokyo.

We were rapidly gaining height.

Our captain was Mr. Steubing[[157]], a former airforce pilot. He knew even the father of Carly Shay.

But that was a long and irrelevant story.

The crew of the web show was preparing itself for the great presentation at the web award event.

There were some very strong opponents in the category of web comedies.

One of them was a French guy named Henri Petois[[158]], sort of a sock puppeteer or something like that. He had got a dummy named Oumpée.

This reminded me a bit of Robert Shapiro, aforementioned student at Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.

That weird creep had got a dummy named Rex.

Another competitor were two twins from Tokyo. They were called Yuki and Kyoko.

I did not trust them.

They were clearly up to enjoying their home bonus. And they were really funny with their skits, even the few English ones.

I had to prepeare for my negotiations.

Fortunately we had got wireless network connection.

But it was necessary to reach a satelite for that purpose.

Finding the right one was not a given at each and every point of our trip.

But in this moment, we were fairly lucky.

The conection was just fine.

I could even contact our person in Tokyo. I just had to try talking in Japanese.

Hey, that was not bad.

The guys over there were sure surprised.

Maybe the creeps named Kyoko and Yuki were no different.

But I was going to hide this secret until the very last moment.

Not even Carly, Chase, Michael, Freddie, Sam, or Ned knew about it. They were expecting some interpreter awaiting us in Tokyo, hired by my cotporation.

Finally, Captain Steubing announced the end of the trip.

The plane was about coming down from the blue sky over the Japanese capital, touching the island of the rising sun.

69.2. Weird Things

So, this was our hotel in Tokyo.

It did not belong to the Chambrolay chain.

Maybe this fact would change, sooner or later.

OK it was not my business.

We had got a suite with two rooms.

I took one of them, along with Carly and Sam.

Likewise, Freddie, Michael, Ned, and Chase occupied the other half.

A few minutes later, foam protuded from Chase's mouth.

The bushy dork had eaten some coloured piece of soap, mistaking it for caramels.

That was terrible.

Sam joked, "the cleanest mouth … ever!" She still remembered my mouth cleaner spray.

But OK, we had got some serious business to prepare.

Henri Petois had already been spotted in the foyer of our hotel.

And a few minutes later, our Japanese competitors, viz Kyoko and Yuki, the twins of Tokyo, showed up. They greeted us and gave us a big basket with gifts.

But those were not to be trusted.

This had already been the case with Vince Blake's gummi worms.

I better checked some samples of the gifts for bacteria and stuff.

The "twins" were inviting the crew of the show to a shopping trip.

I was appointed with the guys from the company behind the J-phones.

The "twins" were talking Japanese to each other.

There was something really wrong.

No brother would have called his sister that sort of stuff.

The whole "twin" stuff was almost certainly thoroughly fake.

They sounded rather like a recently married couple.

Yet I kept my discovery to myself.

It was impossible, though, to let the other kids alone with the Japanese creeps.

To make it more complicated, Yuki and Kyoko wanted me, Chase, Edmond, and Michael to take a seeweed massage in their cousin's spa.

Of course that had to be a trap.

And the craps openly admitted to that, but in Japanese.

So, how to get out of this?

My J-phone rang. It was really that of Logan Reese, patched and reassembled.

I picked it up.

The car and motorbike vendors wanted me, Chase, and Ned to show up for the test suite of the Japanese version of Jet-X.

This served as a great excuse for us.

But what to do with Carly, Freddie, and Sam?

I plainly suggested them to come with us.

But in that case, none of them would have made it to the web awards in time, either.

Wait, this problem could have been solved by means of a helicopter.

But where to get one from?

In any case, Kyoko and Yuki were not pleased by the change of plans. Now they just tried to block our way out of the hotel room by locking us into our room.

But there was already some helicopter waiting in fromt of our hotel window.

The pilot was no other than … Mr. Takato.

Michael squealed for excitement. "There he is!"

The other kids did not really understand.

I greeted Mr. Takato.

Now everyyne here was aware of Mr. Takato's existence and non-existence.

In any way, this was going to allow us to make it to either place pretty fast.

Now I could tell the others about my recently acquired knowledge of Japanese.

Takato praised me for talking even better than Kyoko and Yuki.

Truth said, those fake twins were not even Japanese citizens or residents, either.

Like Kazu, they were Americans of Japanese ethnicity.

I would come to know about it a bit later only, though.

69.3. The Winner

I could not be at the award session due to my obligations here in Tokyo.

But the kids had made it there and won the award somehow.

I had to miss out on the puny details.

69.4. Negotiations

There was a lot to talk with the representants of the company behind those J-phones.

Cal had already analysed them to quite some degree in the framework of his internshipo at the NASA.

I had continued his research.

There were several possibilities of making the tek mates compatable wiith the Japanese technology while preventing it from triggering alert systems.

But none of them were exactly cheap.

It required the usage of some rare semiconductor material only found in certain meteorites.

I explained the known locations of smithereens of those meteorites, using a world map.

Cal had researched the prevailance of said materials using the satellites built by him for the NASA.

This was not exactly very encouraging.

But it was at least some start.

I could not do anything about it right now.

More research was to be done, and not only about the rare material, but also about the creepy background of Yuki and Kyoto.

Now it was time for me and my victorious companions to return to California and to present their trophy.

Chapter 70. Jackson Colt

70.1. Back From Japan

The trip home from Tokyo had been tiring.

Now I sank onto my bed.

Stacey had offered to take duly care of my luggage. he was totally excited by the glorious award earned by the Chase And Michael Show. She was also looking forward to another event to be mentioned later on.

I accepted gladly in order to take a nap.

Stacey grinned and started disassembling the content of my suitcase.

Some sheet appeared to fall out from it.

Stacey grabbed it. "A letter to some Kyoko in Chicago."

I had never written a letter to that creep.

The charlatans must have accidentally lost it in my dormitory room.

But why was it sent to some address in Chicago?

Anyways, I was now too tired top think about it and dropped asleep.

70.2. More oddities

The jet lag had been terrible.

But now I was somewhat recovered and awake.

So, what was up with that letter?

I took a closer look.

The sender seemed to use a pseudonym.

But there was a seal on it.

And I knew it well.

It was nothing but the logo of Nevelocity, the great site of Nevel Papperman.

This did still not explain the address, Kyoko Tanaka[[159]] in Chicago.

I pondered readuing the letter.

But that would not have been a nice thing to do.

Anyways, there seemed to be a connection between Nevel Papperman and Kyoko Tanaka.

Nevel had never been a fan of the Chase and Michael Show, as demonstrated on many occasions.

This did not at all change after the arrival of Carly Shay.

What was going on there?

Well, there were some other news getting Stacey excited.

She was just finished with her prom dress. She had made it from cotton swabs and white glue.

Eric was going to join her to the prom ball.

This was exciting for Stacey and Eric , but not really important for anyone else.

The really hot news were contained in a message from Kevin Colt[[160]]

Kevin was a fan of the Chase and Michael Show.

Jackson Colt was about coming to town, more precisely, to Battle Dome in nearby Santa Monica.

That was really cool.

Kevin wanted the Chase and Michael Show to come to the event. He had already organised backstage tickets for the crew.

Stacey swooned. She was a big fan of Jackson Colt. "Have you se3en his fists?" She stammered. "Aw, his punches are like the thunder of Jupiter."

I had to calm her down.

70.3. No Pass

The crew of the web show was also totally excited by the back stage tickets for the big event.

But there was a big problem.

Carly, Freddie, and Sam would have needed a permit both from Dean Taylor and from their parents or guardians.

Chase and Michael were already eighteen, but they still needed a pass from the school administration in order to leave the campus.

But Marissa Benson was adamantly opposed to allowing Fredward to go there. And she had even instigated Spencer.

Thus Carly was not allowed to make it there, either.

Samantha's mom did not care at all. Thus she was no problem. She just cared about her next face lifting, to be performed by me and Doc Hollywood.

But was an episode of the web show even possible without Fredward Benson and Carly Shay?

Things were turning worse.

Dean Taylor was equally opposed to such an event. In other word, he denied the required pass to Chase and Michael as well.

The dreams of the perfect topic for a special of their show was now going down the drain.

70.4. Sneaking Out

Alas, they had not really given up that soon.

The crew had made plans in order to sneak out.

They just needed to fool the dormitory advisers.

During the last two years, Logan Reese had purchased several heads of characters from his dad's movie Galaxy Wars.

Those items were very valuable, ten thousands of bucks at least. But they were also perfectly suited for being endowed with wigs of Chase Bartholomew Matthews and Michael Barret.

There was also one for Fredward Benson.

But the latter's roomies were not to be fooled by a head with a wig, protruding from the covers.

Freddie had been declared sick and transported to the nursery.

The fake "Fredhead" was deployed there.

These would make them perfect placeholders for his missing room pals.

Megan Parker was paid to fake her alike looking cousin Carly Shay.

The same was going to happen with Samantha and Melanie Puckett.

Coco Wexler was totally easy to fool. She was incredibly dumb, after all.

I did not know about all those things going on.

It had been a totally secret action.

70.5. Caught

But the plans had failed miserably.

Security guards had caught Carly, Freddie, Sam, Chase, and Michael on their way from the campus to the town of Malibu.

There were hardly any regular controls.

This could not have been an accident.

Someone must have betrayed the kids behind the web show.

But who had done such a thing?

And what were the agent's reasons?

I had to find out.

In any case, Chase, Michael, Carly, Freddie, and Sam were now grounded for two weeks.

Chase was totally consternated because of this disaster of getting caught was now adding itself ontop of getting rejected by Chris Saunders.

Dean Taylor was not as stern as Rivers. But he had to care about the kids's safety, anyways.

But, as a recompensation, Jackson Colt was invited to Pacific Coast Academy by Dean Taylor.

Of course, the headmaster did not approve of a bloody martial showdown on our campus.

But a fight against a dummy doll was deemed OK.

I just needed to invent one.

70.6. Rare Meteorite

A meteorite crash could be much more destructive than the fists of Jackson Colt or the thunder of Jupiter.

Cal had already written a simulation of such an event. He was trying to research the topic for the NASA. Now he had found some more traces and smithereens, using once more the satellites.

Was there a chance of finding enough material for the plans of fusing tek mates and J phones into one?

I did not give up all hopes, especially not after the latest news:

A satellite had discovered traces of a meteorite crash in California.

Tere was a chance of some of the wanted rare material to be contained in the scattered smithereens.

But the satellite could not scan them.

This had to be done down here on earth.

An expedition to some nearby site of a meteorite crash was was due.

Chapter 71. Dingo Channel

71.1. Plagiarism

A few days later, Dustin Brooks was totally upset. "They have stolen the web show!"

I gasped. "Who has done that?"

Dustin explained, "the giys from Dingo Channel[[161]] are totally copying the random dance of the Chase and Michael Show in on eof their lamest productions."

Dingo Channel was lame indeed.

But all of a sudden, their quota were about increasing vigorously.

We had to check that.

At the same time, I had made some progress in some totally different project.

The very first cactus plants from Guadalapecho had started blossoming in Redstome Gulch.

I had not been able to check it in person.

But Mindy Crenshaw had recently sent a probing expedition of desert rangers, realy kids from some other nearby school, into aforementioned canyon in order to look for stray smithers of the meterorite previously described by Cal.

The analysis of the sample was still pending, though.

But the side discovery was really awesome.

The presence of the alcaloid in those plants was still ot guaranteed.

But that was a different subject.

71.2. The Dingo Skull

A brief check reveiled it all.

The Dingo Channel was now a cheap copy of the Chase And Michael Show.

Especially the sick random dance, the main characteristic of the Chase and Michael Show, had been plagiarised.

That was really mean.

Samantha wanted now to break into the studdio and beat up the guys in the programming team.

But that was not a good idea.

The makers of Dingo had got enough bucks to hire new ones, and stuff.

Samantha would just have wasted herself.

Breaking into the headquarters would have been creepy.

According to certain rumours, the corp stored the skull of their deceased founder, viz. Charles Dingo in the guts of their headquarters.

The dead head was conserved crygenetically.

I had started working a bit in this field.

Cal had done so before me. Maybe he even knew the guy from Caltech responsible for the establishment of the cryogenic chamber holding the scary relic.

OK, I decided to drop a mail and ask Cal about it.

71.3. The Cryogenic Engineer

Cal had got no problems remembering the builder of the chamber holding the dead head.

It was no other than the grandfather of Logan Reese.

That was quite some shock, though.

Had Logan known about it?

That would have been really interesting.

71.4. Charles Dingo

I tried to research the life nd work of Charles Dingo.

There was not much on ythe interweb.

But the earliest traces of the corp understood the name of Dingo as an acronym.

The association of the foundation of some Charles Dingo with the foundation of the corp was not made before some years ago, hell, not before the construction of the cryogenic chamber, according to Cal's knowledge.

In the case of Charles Dingo being illusory, what was it stored in the cold chamber in the guts of the Dingo chamber?

I could not desist from researching.

Maybe it was something even scientifically more intriguing than storing some dead head.

71.5. Cold As Ice

The quinnoculars were able to detect cold and heat from afar.

This had to do with infrared radiation.

So I tried to use it right here on the campus of the Dingo studios.

But how was it possible to make it hereto in the first place?

Well, Camille had to help me out. She was appointed for auditioning for a new production of Dingo. But she would not show up.

The new project of Dingo was far underneath her dignity.

Camille was able to do infinitely much better.

Now I just had to abuse our similarity.

This way, the creeps from Dingo even guided me across the locations.

I was not exactly going to stand in front of the crygenetic chamber. But I was still about getting close enough to use the quinnoculars in infravision mode.

Of course, telling about the reason for using those things was not exactly an option.

But I had got some kind of excuse. "These quinnoculars serve for fine tuned control of the performance of an actor."

It was not even a bold lie.

The instrument could actually be used for such a purpose.

Camille seemed to like it.

I had already thought about presenting it at acting schools, such as Palmwood or Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.

But this was not the right moment.

I used the device on and off.

That looked a bit funny.

And there it was: The cryogenic chamber hosting the dead head of Charles Dingo, according to the folklore of Hollywood.

But the temperatures, while low enough for making anyone freeze to death withing a few hours, were way too high for preserving human relics effectively over longer time, at least for the purpose of revitalisation.

The skull would have rotten ever since.

In other words, there was something rotten in the state of Dingo.

More thorough analysis was necessary.

Now I was already on my way out.

But who was that?

I spotted Principal Eichman from Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts with my set of quinnoculars.

The creep was giving commands to the staff of Dingo.

Was Eichman the boss over here?

That would have been really baffling.

So, Eichman was probably nothing but trying to abuse The Chase And Michael Show after the complete failure of his project with Zeebo the Dino.

71.6. Claire Sawyer Strikes

In the meantime, Chase and Michael had hired Claire Sawyer in order to sue Dingo for plagiarism.

But they did need better proofs.

Anyways, the identity of Brad Eichman as the man behind Dingo looked like a step into the right direction.

But I pitied Morgan Eichman, the daughter of the filthy creep.

A year ago, Carly, Michael, and Chase had gone awfully astray by trying out for the TV studio of Eichman.

Now it was time for them to fight back.

Claire Sawyer deemed a million bucks appropriate.

Chapter 72. Missy Robinson[[162]]

72.1. Carly's Old Friend

A new term had started ay Pacific Coast Academy.

And there were also a few new kids.

One of them was a certain Melissa Robinson. She had known Carly Shay from their fathers' common time at nearby Seal Beach, well a place in Orange County, the southeastern neighbour of Los Angeles County.

Her father was now going to Seattle.

But Missy refused to go there and preferred a boarding school as close to Seal Beach as only possible.

And there we were.

72.2. More Info About Eichman

Claire Sawyer had been in search of more material against Eichman and his task at Dingo.

So far, we were able to state the following things:

Dingo has started out as an aCronym.

Mr. Charles Dingo was invented at the same time as the institution of the cryogenic chamber holding "his skull".

The cryogenic chamber is not suited for the cryopreservation of human relics.

Something is stored in there, indeed.

Still, I could not identify the item stored iun the chamber.

It may have served a purpose on its.

Or it may have just been a distraction in order to fool naïve people.

The cryogenic chamber was not fully functional, but still not unexpensive.

Mindy Crenshaw had riddled along with me.

An email with Cal reveiled nothing.

Mindy had got some other concern. "I will be the prom date of Firewire, sorry, Wayne Gilbert for you."

I had already guessed that.

Mindy wondered, "will Zoey make me a prom gown?"

I sighed deeply.

Zoey was really hard to get at. She had to design gowns for so many girls. She even had to reject making those for the corresponding boys.

I had still got some troubles with the blond Mary Sue.

She kept on refusing from creating a fashionable design for my air bra.

Of course this was impossible to complete before the prom, anyways.

Mindy and Zoey had only partly reconciled after the aforementioned problems with the backpack design.

The boys' outfits were to be styled by Jerome Crony alias Olivary Biallo, Zoey's weird dance partner back at middle school and designer of the cheerleading uniforms.

But the coordination was still poor.

72.3. Prom Partner

Well, just as the year before, I was still left without a partner for my senior prompt.

But what to do?

By the way, Mindy Crenshaw had tried to squeeze some information about Brad Eichman from Trina Vega alias Rebecca.

But the busty creep was way too naïve to notice anything.

Maybe Sinjin van Cleef knew a little bit?

72.4. Sam gets poisoned

Two daus later, Sam had got to puke all over again.

I had to cut open her stomach, assisting Doc Hollywood, in order to find the reasons.

We needed to borrow the shrub cutter of custodian Gordy for that purpose.

But then, in the last moment, this turned out as unnecessary.

Cal's good old ultrasonic tomography combined with my improved and upgraded quinnoculars reveiled the reasons.

And, as usual, Sam is more or less immune to most kinds of poison, at least way less sensitive than the average mass of mankind.

Sam accused Missy Robinson. "She hates me for taking Carly off her."

I shrugged. "In what sense?"

Apparently, Missy was not forgiving Sam to be Carly's new best friend.

72.5. Sinjin's Revelations

Sinjin van Cleef was all of a sudden very silent. He used to annoy people with his talk.

But my questions about Brad Eichman seemed to bother him badly.

I insisted in getting answers.

Sinjin finally admitted to have been involved in the whole business. He had promised to keep his mouth shut.

His collection of teeth of former American presidents was supposed to be inserted into the fake skull stored down in the guts of the headquarters of Dingo.

The exact purpose of the skull was unknown to Sinjin.

But it had to do with a movie project.

This way, Brad Eichman hoped to kill Malcolm Reese, well, not literally, but make him disappear from the throne of Hollywood.

Of course the costs for the whole cryogenic program were really high.

And Dingo Studios had not been really successful with its excruciatingly lame shows.

So, the money had to come from other sources.

And these were precisely the Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.

A lot of money had been deducted from the school's funds.

This was especially valid for the equipment for the athletic teams.

Ever since, there had been no new tropies earned by the school's teams, barring one for the ping pong team.

But, according to Sinjin, those creeps were not really playing ping pong. They were just abusing the flat reimbursement guaranteed by the board in order to buy forged and faked trophies, and in order to spend the rest for dinners in restaurants like Vaccaro.

This was really perverse.

Of course Sinjin was in mortal danger for talking about all this.

I had seen that coming.

For that avail, Claire Sawyer had already ordered the application of the rules of the witness protection program for Sinjin van Cleef. And here she was, right in time. "I've just got it approved by Officer Garcia[[163]] ."

A few hours later, Sinjin van Cleef would disappear from the face of the earth, well, at least California, and reappear under a fake name and with straight hair in New York City.

I would hace suggested to take hinm to a space station out there.

Cal had just successfully completed a space shuttle for that purpse.

But what would happen to Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts?

Alas, one big question remained.

Brad Eichman had built the cryogenic chamber in order to beat Malcolm Reese out of the business.

So, why had the father of Malcolm Reese helped himn doing so?

This sounded really strange.

But there had to be some explanation.

72.6. Nevel Loves Missy

I had to talk a serious word to Missy about trying to poison Missy.

Had she been aware of Samantha's immunity to poison?

I stormed her dormitory room.

Missy was not alone.

I gasped. "Nevel?"

They seemed to have cheered wholeheartedly about Samantha's mishaps.

So, Nevel and Melissa were working together.

And the connection with Kyoko Tanaka and her "twin brother" Yuki had served the same purpose.

I required an explanation from Nevel.

He grunted, "Sam deserved it. She has forced Carly to break all her promises!"

I choked. "Which promises?"

Missy sobbed. "At the age of seven, she had promised me to stay my best friend forever."

There were more details to that.

But I would only come to hear about them later on.

But had Sam really forced Carly to give up on her long forgotten best friend forever, breaking all those promises?

This was very creepy.

Nevel and Missy may have had some reason for hating Sam.

Nevel knew about the poison being harmless for Sam on the long run. He also admitted to having denounced Carly and Sam to Dean Taylor during the night of the battle of Jackson Colt.

I made Nevel promise to refrain from actions like those.

But Carly's broken promises were a quite different chapter.

Chapter 73. Artistic

73.1. Stacey's Snowflake

Stacey Dillsen had just completed another sculpture, a very beautifully crafted snowflake made of cotton swabs and white glue.

It would serve as a decoration for Robbie "Scooter" Carmichael's tree house.

The appearance of Fredrick Ficklehorn was almost around the corner.

With this flake, Stacey wanted to express the extraordinary coolness of Fredrick's videos.

It took me quite a few efforts to explain Stacey the geometry of snow flakes and the physical reasons for them.

At least she did listen, unlike the gang of Zoey Brooks.

Stacey wanted to show her cotton swab works in detail to Harry Joiner, hoping for a recommendation for a scholarship at some renowned art school.

73.2. Bunny Drawing

And there was the next edition of the infamous Chase And Michael Show.

Nevel had started leaving the cast members in peace. This way, he could do more interesting stuff with his new girlfriend, Melissa Robinson.

They were apparently members of a new secret cult.

Whatever, the show was now even more fun.

Chad[[164]], a viewer from Wisconsin, had sent a request to the cast of the web show. He wanted each of them to draw a bunny.

The bunnies of Fredward, Samantha, Chase, and Michael were so and so.

But Carly's bunny was totally out of the way.

It looked like a fireman in pyjamas.

OK, not everyone was a great artist.

Carly should have accepted this. But she did not want to. "My brother Spencer is one of the greatest artists of Seattle." She sobbed. "And I can't even draw a bunny!" She started weeping.

Chase comforted her. "Maybe someone can teach you?"

Carly sighed. "Maybe?"

But who was up to teaching Carly about arts?

73.3. Stacey is down.

Unfortunately, Stacey was not exactly very happy after showing up in the office of Harry Joiner.

The old creep refused to praise Stacey's works of cotton swab art. "They are not bad or so, but they are just … no good."

Stacey was about giving up on sculpting. She started demolishing and disassembling her cotton swab models. But she would no longer have been able to stay herself when doing so completely.

I suggested, "maybe you are a better art teacher than him, though. You could prove this by teaching Carly Shay to draw cuter bunnies than those of her elder brother Spencer, the professional artist."

73.4. Dustin wants to learn arts.

At the same time, Dustin noticed being no better a painter than Carly. He looked desperate.

Zoey was such a perfect artist and designer.

Was she really related to Dustin?

Carly almost doubted her sort of kinship with Spencer. "I must have been adopted. I'm probably a hobo girl."

At least Dustin could ask his elder sister to help him learning arts.

Spencer was now too far away.

Thus Carly gave Stacey a try, inspite of being thoroughly annoyed by her demeanour.

For Dustin, it was all easier to ask Zoey.

But was this goin well?

73.5. Bad Zoey

Now Zoey was totally disappointed. "How can my ungrateful little bugger even dare to call me a bad girl?"

Dustin denied having said so.

The blond Mary Sue grunted, "oh, really … this wasn't any longer necessary."

Dustin growled, "I want to learn ddrawing a bunny, and Zoey forces me to draw straight lines with the same colour." He shuddered for disgust. He decided to look for another teacher,

73.6. Switcheroo

Unfortunately, the thing with Stacey and Carly did not work out at all.

Stacey wanted to teach Carly by making her build a cotton swab model of a bunny instead of drawing one. "You need to understand three dimensional arts before trying two dimensional arts."

Now Stacey was even more disappointed.

Dustin was now trying to ask Stacey for help.

Carly, in turn, deemed Zoey Brooks the better alternatiove, when compared to Stacey Dillsen.

Unfortunately aforementioned Maria Misa, a very gifted painter girl, had moved away during the summer break.

And now Zoey and Stacey started beating each other.

That was horrible.

I needed to get Harry Joiner to intervene.

He was a common idol of both of them.

Honestly, I deemed trading Stacey for Zoey or vice versa not a good idea.

None of them was obviously willing to budge from her path.

73.7. Blue And Yellow Gives Green

After having been disappointed again by Zoey and Stacey, Carly and Dustin dared to ask the very Harry Joiner to teach them.

The great master of pop art just left Dustin and Carly in a room with two big caanvas and some pots filled with various types of paint. "Noe go and make something big!"

Dustin and Carly looked aghast.

Carly admited, "Let's face it! We aren't great painters, unlike our big siblings."

Unfortunately, deeply sighing Dustin slipped with his paint brush. "Sorry!"

Some of the blue paint had splattered into Carly's face.

She growled, "aw, you don't dare to …" She squealed. Then she splattered some yellow paint into Dustin's face. "Paint war!"

This went on and on.

The whole room suffered from this war.

But they were finally tired.

Dustin panted. "Carly, what I allways wanted to tell you …"

Carly wondered, "blue is ugly?"

Dustin shook his head. He had a hard time talking, dur to some paint on his lips.

Carly coughed. "OK, just show it."

Dustin grabbed Carly and pulled her slowly and tenderly into a kiss.

Carly gasped. But she did not mind.

Finally, the colours mixed, leaving Dustin and Carly all green in their face.

That looked really funny.

I just stumbled into them after having lasered the eyes of Mom Puckett.[[165]]

It had been a really exciting surgery.

The matron even dared to guide her car back to Seattle right after the surgery.

Was it a good decision?

I could not care any less. I still had to talk Joiner into giving Stacey a real chance.

And now the master sartist saw the mess. He was angry at those inept artists.

I grunted at him, "Styacey Dillsen would never do such a thing."

Joiner sighed deeply, "Yeah, I know. I was just envious of Stacey." He moaned, "she had got more talent than me, back at her age."

"Now you may recommend her for the scholarship at the art school!"

He shook his head. "Stacey should not submit herself to more school. She can't learn anything there, especially not creativity and passion." He was giving her a recommendation for some great art gallery instead, or, even better, three of them. "One in New York City, one in Rio De Janeiro, and one in Tokyo …"

This finally restored Stacey's artist virtues.

The snow flake would now adorn the tree house of Robert Carmichael even beyond his departure from Pacific Coast Academy.

Chapter 74. Queen Of Mixed Martial Arts

74.1. The Battle Robot

I had started building a smart dummy for a demo of Jackson Colt's skills..

Cal, Wayne, and Mindy had helped me a lot, of course.

Especially Wayne's former life as a fan of some kungfu idol was excessively helpful.

And it was now completed.

Jackson Colt was finally coming in order to challenge the whole thing.

I was totally excited.

But the machine also attracted others.

Vince felt challenged.

To some minor degree, even Logan Reese and Duke Blatzberg thought themselves able to challenge the robot.

Even Chuck Javers wanted to come back and give it a try.

Many on the campus were not that happy about it.

Somehow, I wished to show the bull his very limits.

And this was not all.

There was one female suuper star, a teenager ready to challenge the world's elite in martial arts.

We were looking forward to encountering the freshly crowned world champion in the class of female lightweight juniors.

She was Shelby Marx[[166]] . A few weeks ago, she had defeated former champion Maya Feckner[[167]] .

That seemed to be quite some challenge.

Lola Martinez was absolutely not keen on getting Shelby invited to the campus.

We did not imagine why. But we would come to know soon.

74.2. Shelby's Arrival

I crossed the campus during the morning recess.

A cab arrived at the parking lot.

Lola Martinez exited.

Wait, my eyes were fooling me.

Lola was just a few yards from me, in the opposite directions.

I turned around.

There she was.

But who was that girl?

I was confused.

Some jerks offered offered to carry "Lola's" luggage.

But the Latina appeared upset and punched them out of her way, sending them flying into the dust near the paved grounds.

I asked the real Lola, "what is that?"

Lola, the one and only true Lola, rushed away to our dorm in order to hide.

There was something totally fishy.

Ashley Blake came along. She giggled. "This is not Lola, it is her sister Salvía María Asunción, better known as … Shelby Marx!"

I choked and coughed to no end.

Lola and Shelby were sisters? They were probably very hostile towards each other.

Lola had never mentioned Shelby.

And now that …

74.3. Principal Marriage

As aforementioned, Kazu's cousin, viz. Ms. Park, had been here in Los Angeles at the same time as our trip to Japan.

Kazu had been forced to take care of that and thence not been able to join us to the land of his grandfathers.

Ms. Park got apparently very well along on this campus, especially inside the administration office.

Kazu was now announcing the engagement of Dean Taylor and Ms. Park.

The wedding would be after the summer break, maybe during the homecoming week.

We seniors were of course about to leave the school.

But the principal would invite us to their wedding on the campus, anyways.

This was quite some surprise.

The students were already about to start planning the event.

Ms. Park would start teaching here at Pacific Coast Academy.

Garth Burman had just confirmed this.

This had been the last obstacle to such an early wedding.

It would be a jump start for her here in Los Angeles.

Of course, her old school in New York City, would miss her.

One of the students over there was aforementioned Ryan Laserbeam.

74.4. The Fight

The day of the martial truth was there.

I had failed three years ago with my battle droid against that of Simon Nelson Cooke and Albert Wormenheimer.

But this one was different.

The old guy was remote controlled.

But the "Quinntaine", my martial bot, was driven by an artificially intelligent script.

No human had to control it.

This would have been unfair.

Human are weak and subjective.

The Quinntaine, on the other hand, was as cold as ice and absolutely infallible.

It almost looked like me.

Andthis simple fact already explained its intelligence.

Sorry, this was of course not the case.

Camille, for example, looked almost like me, but she was as dumb as most Hollywood stars, especially Ashley Blake and Lola Martinez.

Chuck Javers was the first martial artist to chalenge my Quinntaine. He appeared more fearsome by his shouts than by his deeds, though.

And my Quinntaine had got nerves like steel wires.


Granted, Chuck Javers did much better than any untrained fighter. But he could not really beat the droid.

The Quinntaine dodged and jumped like crazy. Yet it did not lose its balance.

Javers did well in his attemopts of feigning attacks. He even succeeded every now and then.

But that was a poor excuse.

Even Jackson Colt did not het it. He was way too slow.

His fists were deadly. They could have maimed the "Quinntaine".

But he was way too heavy to catch the unpredictably springing "Quinntaine".

Vince Blake was exhausted pretty soon.

And a few minutes later, Logan Reese broke down.

That was really funny.

Doc Hollywood had to try to cure him with a syringe with a six inch needle.

Duke Blatzberg? Well, I did not even bother checking.

But one person was really able to beat the "Quinntaine".

And that was no other than Salvia Maria alias Shelby Marx, Lola's baby sister.

74.5. Lola Breaks Down

After the showdown, I was back to my room in order to think about improving the "Quinntaine" in order to be more of a challenge for Shelby.

Suddenly, Lola stumbled in. "You dirty creep!"

What was going on?

Lola accused me of having deliberately made Shelby win, shadowing all other powerful martial artists, including Vince. "Now little Ms Awesome is Ms Mega Awesome!"

I looked aghast.

Of course there had been no intention to favour Shelby over others.

Lola explained, "as an elementary school kid, I got punished for things done by Shelby." She grunted, "my sister got praised for my deeds, in turn."

That was of course not fair.

But it had nothing tp do with the planning and construction of the "Quinntaine".

Ashley Blake broke in. She was probably feeling her family honour hurt by Vince's defeat. But now she had to listen to Lola's complaints first. She appeared terrofied. "Lola, listen!" She suspired. "I have to tell you something."

Lola could not really listen.

Ashley admitted shamefully,

Vince has just used you.

And it was all my idea.

I am sorry.

But you should know it.

She started weeping.

It was a very bad day for Lola.

She was about losing her prom date.

The relationship with Blake had gone down with the problems of the football team due to aforementioned reasons.

And this was the final strike.

But Ashley appeared to be there for her archnemesis.

They hugged and weeped at the shoulders of each other.

Others, of course, had not even got a partner for the impending senior prom in the first place.

Chapter 75. Should Auld Acquaintance

75.1. Senior Prom

So, my life at Pacific Coast Academy was about breathing for the last time.

Zoey Brooks had been so excessively busy designing and sewing dozens of gowns for the other girls, both for senior and junior prom, it was impossible for her to even think about looking for a prom partner for herself. She had never overcome her disgust from seeing James Garrett's other girlfriend, Stephanie Javers, well, one of his many other girlfriends.

Lola was in an equally stinky mood.

Ashley had been sorry for using her. In order to amek up for it, she withdrew from an auditioning for a main rôle in a new movie, leaving it effectively to her arch rival Lola.

But Vince still showed no remorses.

Lola had been abusing Vince, too, in order to be seen more in the public as the girlfriend of a victorious quarterback.

The bad luck of the football team had spoiled Lola's plans in a most thorough manner.

This did not make things any better.

Now Lola's career was at a severe stake.

Vince was still angry because of the bad luck of the team. At least he was victorious for the wrestling team.

But Lola hated martial arts, curtesy of her little sister.

So, for Lola, this was the end of a corrupt relationship and the end of the world.

Vince did not really mind. He could get other girls as well, and he picked Mandy Franklin, the head cheerio.

The Frazz scandal had made the cheerio troop kind of pointless.

But the natural attraction between queen cheerio and quarterback was still there.

It was inevitable for them to find together, anyways, sooner or later.

Michael Barret was now happy with Wendy Gellar.

The latter had arranged her best friend Addie Singer to give Chase a chance just for the senior prom.

But there was much more for them in it.

I totally sensed so.

Logan Reese had invited Mercedes Griffin as his prom partner. He still refused to admit to liking his competitor for the title of the hottest rich heir. He just pretended to try to impress her even more with his skills as a lose boy and dandy.

Likewise, "Missy Meany" was convinced of being more skilled as a rich suingle heir and playgirl, and tried to prove it to Logan.

But deep underneath, sparks were flying wildly, able to set the iceberg of the "Titanic" on fire.

Zoey Brooks, while unable to find a proper prom partner, resorted to asking Olivary Biallo alias Jerome Crony. She deemed it still better than boring herself to death all alone.

75.2. Prom Banquet

Lunch Lady Rose and Kazu were responsible for the prom dinner.

It them served as a rehearsal for the upcoming wedding banquet of Dean Taylor and Ms. Park.

The principal was also talking about this topic at the opening speech of the senior prompt.

The speeches by Dean Rivers had always bewen a whole lot more boring. Foetunately he was now no longer going to work at any school in California.

Well, I was still alone at the prom and just attending the obligatory opening stuff.

Lola, on the other hand, had not even been showing upo here.

Doc Hollywood must have given her a pass in order to miss out on the event.

David Couleda was responsible for the music at the prom ball. He only rrived with some delay. He had just given an interview to Jessica Warner[[168]] from Backstage Hollywood in downtown Los Angeles.

Jeremiah Trottman would have loved to interview him instead. He was now in a stinky mood and trashed his prom date in order to complain.

Couleda was actually not alone. He would be accompanied by Jordana Sporcos[[169]], another most promising poprock star.

Unfortunately, the visit of Fredrick Ficklehorn for the video with himself and David had to be delayed to the time after my departure.

But this was now no longer of any relevance for me.

The music started playing.

The banners were raised aloft and started waving in the gentle breeze.

The last solemn moment of my life at Pacific Coast Academy was passing in front of my eyes.

I was already on my way to jumping out.

The door opened in front of me.

My heart stood still.

Cal walked in. He had recently git a new hair cut from Nicole Bristow.

I gasped.

Cal grinned. "I could not forget this day of my favourite highschool girl,"

I blushed deeply.

Cal suggested, "Come on! Let's shock them with some high technology dance!" He gave me some bracelet. "I can't dance." He sighed deeply. " But our bracelets will convince everyone of contrary."

I shrugged and smiled.

We walked to the dancing floor. Then we activated our bracelets.


What was going on?

I did not really know.

But we were dancing like in the twenty-fifth century.

What a senior prom!

Eric and Stacey applauded.

Jerk Logan grinned. "What a spaz!"

I could not care any longer.

A creepy jerk would always be a creepy jerk.

We were going to dance in our futuristical manner until dawn.

75.3. Say Good-Bye to it all!

Finally, I had to say good-bye to the campus. I would return on and off, but no longer as a student and resident of Pacific Coast Academy.

It was a bit sad for me and for all of us.

Just, where were they going to?

Zoey was accepted by London's most renowned fashion school.

Dustin was now strong enough to survive without her. He would of course web chat with the blond Mary Sue every week, as he already did with his parents.

Logan Reese was doing the same as usual, viz. nothing, oops, trying to take responsibility in his father's company.

Michael Barret had spoiled his last chances of making it into the national basketball league. But he had still gort the option on an internship at the record studio of Gustavo Rocque.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews was going to try his luck at the Broadway. He had made a lot of ado with the plagiarism committed by Dingo.

Stacey was going to register at a nearby vocational school for the construction trades. She found a paid long term internship covering her fees. This way, she could soon work as a carpenter on her own dream house.

Lola had successfully auditioned for a new movie.

A bonus was the hot main actor, Spencer Carter. This current graduate from Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Artshad always been rumoured to be an excessively good kisser.

But a test with an apple proved this irrevocably true for Lola Martinez.

Ashley had seen that coming. She was working on another hot iron, a certain Beck Oliver, a freshman at Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.

Beck was just living in an excessively foul and perverse relationship with some goth girl, Jade West.

But things would change easily.

By the way, Jade and Beck were members of aforementioned fraudulent ping pong team. They had been dismissed from Hollywood School for the Professional PerformanceArts, side by side with aforementioned Robert Shapiro and André Harris.

Some bimbo wench named Caitlyn Valentine was also in the mix.

Fortunately, it was nowhere near my business.

Megan Parker barred my way with her oboe. She wanted to play something for us.

Nevel and his recorder were joining in.

The music started playing Robert Burns's immortal tune.

A choir chimed in, filling the air with the crown of Doric poetry.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my jo
for auld lang syne
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne.

Chapter 76. Break In Seattle

76.1. Tears In My Eyes

During the last four yeras, I had been returning for at least one weak per summer to my home Seattle county.

It had just been an interval from one period spent at Pacific Coast Academy to the other.

But this time, it was different.

I would not return to Pacific Coast Academy.

This made me a bit sad.

Most of the other students over at Pacific Coast Academy were shallow and brainless.

But I would miss it all, anyways.

The memories of many a moment spent on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy would keep on haunting me, over and over again.

After the summer, I would move on to the campus of Caltech. I sighed deeply.

Cal was now firmly established as a researcher for the NASA. Of course, he had named himself for the Caltech.

And I knew that very well. But I preferred to believe in the opposite: "The institute has been named for Cal."

The school was a bit empty without him.

But I had to go through this.

At least Mindy and Wayne were there as well.

Why did I miss Cal that much, anyways? I shrugged cluelessly.

76.2. Nevel's Visit

The next day, Nevel Papperman showed up at my home.

I was surprised. "Nevel?"

The little freak grinned.

My mom wondered, "is that your boyfriend?" She had already started worrying.

We grunted unison, "no way!"

Then we had to withdraw into a silent corner.

This did not make things very convincing for her.

But it had to be a secret conversation about a scary problem, viz. reincarnation.

The self-claimed descendant of Nikola Tesla failed in a genetic test. But he could still have been a descendant of someone knowing Nikola Tesla in person, ad thus be excruciatingly valuable for my studies on this creepy subject.

The memories of his great grandman, or whatever, of her encounters with Tesla would still have been accessible in some way.

But this was not the issue of Nevel Papperman's current visit.

He stammered, "I know someone able to …"

My heart started beating faster.

Nevel suspired. "Well, truth spoken, Malika Dooley[[170]] is Seattle's leading expert in the domain of reincarnation mysteries."

I had never ever heard of her.

According to Nevel, she was magical.

That sounded a bit scary.

Nevel announced to practice the Bridal Chorus from Richard Wagner's grand opera Lohengrin for the wedding of Dean Taylor and his fiancé, Ms. Parker. Then he had to walk away again.

Of course I could not talk to mom about the topic of reincarnation.

She was one thoroughly materialistic dumb wench.

Thus I had to come up with some lies. "He needs tutoring in science."

Mom deemed this a great thing.

76.3. The Queen Of Witches

The Arabian word Malika means queen.

I was now going to meet Malika Dooley, also known as "Magic" Malika.

Maybe this was not even a given name.

Many scary people choose names like that.

She was not unlikely understanding herself as the very queen of magics.

So I expected her to be already very old and grumpy, with a typical hooked witch's nose and several warts, a black cat and a stuffed raven.

And this was the door to the apartment of the nasty witch.

A knocked and walked in.

Strangely, there was no blavk cat and no stuffed raven.

But there was no person in here either.

Suddenly, a voice behind my back growled, "are you looking for me?"

I turned around and spotted a teenage girl.

Where had she just been coming from?

I sighed. "No, I am looking for a certain Malika Dooley."

The teenage girl laughed hysterically. "Good one!"

I glared dumbfounded.

The girl explained, "I am Magic Malika Dooley!"

I choked.

Malika stated, "you have come in order to check your past reincarnation, especially with regards to one Nikola Tesla."

I gasped. "How did you know?"

Nevel had not talked to her as of yet. Or so had he claimed.

Malika could possibly read my mind.

I better refrained from having stupid thoughts.

Malika could easily hold this against me and lose any respect for my intellect.

This would have been fatal.

I remembered my constant fears of Sarah Kyla, the former pageant girl, and her knowledge about my own past as a disgusting pageant wench.

Fortunately, Malika would stay in Seattle.

I started shivering, anyways.

Malika announced,

I've got means and methods to transform your karma into consciousness.

This will release your memory of your past lives .

I sighed. thinking,

Transformations …

Pretty much all of physics and technology consists of transformations.

Many of my invventions transform one kind of energy into another.

Many of my programs transform one file format or other representation into another.

My discoveries in chemistry are about the transformation of some substance into another.

Finally, my genetic engineering ains for transforming one life form into another.

And now Malika wants to transform something into what?

I don't exactly understand her words.

But all of a sudden, magics does not appear all that weird to me.

Malika asked me, "so, what do you think about it?"

I replied, "it sounds … cool"

Malika smiled. "Very good! We may soon start."

I reminded her of my impending return to California.

Malika nodded solemnly. "I do know that. But I will move to California, too."

I choked.

Malika explained,

my brother Wally[[171]]

is a real bad boy, but also a wannabe rock and movie star. He lives in Hollywood.

I will move in with him and go to some nice school over there named "James K. Polk", in Santa Clarita.

My reasons for moving there are … not really going to interest you.

This made me curious, though.

Was I now supposed to be glad about it, or rather scared by it?

It was probably some kind of sort of mixture of both of these.

Now I remembered Wally Dooley.

Camille had to do with him, and she hated him.

This did not really sound promising.

I just hoped to be able to avoid the creep.

Chapter 77. Première Party

As aforementioned, I had given Lola and air bra in turn for tickets granting me access to the premiè party of Malcolm Reese's movie about supercoool Marie Curie.

And this part was today, towards the end of the summer break.

I had taken a flight to San Diego.

The airport here was a bit chaotic.

The numbers of the flights got often confused by the customers.

I was greeted by the owner of this cinema, the best in San Diego.

It was known as Première Theater.

And the woman in charge with the whole business was Helen Baxter, a former star child actress.[[172]]. She had been great already thirty years ago.

This old theatre over here had hosted more première parties than any particular theatre in Los Angeles.

Aforementioned Joshuah Nichols had been working here during his high school times.

The employees were somewhat creepy creepy.

One of them was Steven Johnson[[173]] , a relative of the Shay family. He was generally deemed a psychopath.

Another one was Gavin Mitchell, a really dull guy wearing another mullet each other day.

Lola was already present. As aforementioned, she had been portraying young Marie Curie, alias Maria Salomea Skłodowska.

Vince had been originally invited, too.

But Helen had uninvited him after the breakup of Lola. She did not want Lola to go through more humiliation right now.

I had to wonder about the life of young Nikola Tesla.

A lot of things had been written about the famous engineer.

But any of my memories of my past life would have to be measured against the life of Nikola Tesla before being well known.

OK, I better returned to Lola.

She had started recovering pretty fast.

And this was essentially owed to Spencer Carter, one of Lola's best kissing colleagues.

The star actor was feared by almost all boys.

Once upon a time, he had been a guest star acting at James K. Polk's school play as Shakespeare's Romeo. He had made Edmond Bigby jealous by threatening to make out with his crush Suzanne Cragbrass.

Ned had thus sabotaged the whole performance.

In any case, Spencer Carter was way more suited for Lola Martinez than Vincent Blake would have ever been able to.

Ashley Blake had done the right thing for her usually hated colelague. She had somewhat angered Vince by this action. But as a younger girl, she had been even more often at the throat of Vince and her other siblings, Peggy[[174]] and Miles[[175]].

But they had always been able to overcome that catastrophe.

It was thus not impossible for Lola and Shelby to make up again, inspite of all the horror went through when really young.

Now Malcolm Reese had to give some long talk about the motivations and the backgrpund of the production of this movie.

Old Reese, the grandpa of Logan, had always been a fan of Marie Curie. He had often enough tortured Malcolm by talking about the discoveries of the admirable woman.

Well, Marie Cure was admirable for me amd for granpa Reese, but definitely not for Malcolm and Logan.

That was of course understandable.

Logan's grandpa was a retired teacher at Caltech.

I would not have to do with him any more.

Now, the former Caltech star had been partly responsible for the establishment of the cryogenical chamber in the guts of the headquarters of malcolm's worst competiter, Dingo Channel.

Did Malcolm already know about it?

The revelation of said fact did indeed have the potentioal of causing an insane lot of trouble within the family, especially due to Malcolm's bad childhood reminiscences.

But now it was time to watch the movie.

There had been other actors as well, of course.

Pierre Curie, the husband of Marie, was portrayed by Jeff Garrett, aforementioned actor in the service of Malcolm Reese.

By the way, the age gap between Pierre and Marie had been about the same as that between me and Cal.

Maybe that was a really good sign.

Adult Marie Curie was portrayed by Melinda Murray[[176]] , another established Hollywood star.

I was of course especially keen on watching over the scientifical correctness of the movie.

By the way, Lola had been acting really well as Marie, for someone unable to spell even a short and simple chemical formula.

OK, there were no apparent mistakes, not even for me.

According to Malcolm, his father had proofread the stuff.

This would have been potentially suicidal, given aformentioned support of the old master of Caltech.

That ws still a bit strange.

Finally, the movie was over.

The stars recieved theri congratulations.

Unfortunaltely, Lola's appearance was too short for getting nominated for an Oscar.

She had only been seen in flashback scenes, portraying adult Marie Curie's memories of her young self.

Maybe someone will sooner or later make a movie about my life.

That would have been really cool.

I did not even mind Lola portraying me.

Well, this would onlyb happen in many decades from now.

Whatever, the movie was over.

And Helen had to make some serious announce. "This is the last première party here at Première Theater."

The audience appeared totally consternated.

The theatre would have been nothing without its famous premières.

Helen explained, "I have decided to take over Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts."

That vacation had been open for a few months, due to the suspension of Brad Eichman.

Helen, as a former child movie star, was certainly particularly suited for guiding the young future Hollywood starlets, probably much better than Brad Eichman.

The audience applauded for Helen's decision.

The school was in desperate need of some restructuring. It was even ind desperate need for some student teacher for science.

Helen was looking around for a qualified college student for science.


Chapter 78. A New Life?

78.1. Start Of College

For most of the kids, the transition from high school to college was more or less like a start into a totally new life.

In my case, this was of course totally different.

Having been at an elitary boarding school like Pacific Coast Academy was one of the reasons. but not the only one.

My dual studies here at the same place were equally important.

I just moved my residence from "Brenner Hall" on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy over to ome other residence ghall here at Caltech.

Finally, there was not much for me to learn here.

For most kids, Freshmen year was a big stretch away from their previous experiences with scientific studies.

But I had reach the same intellectual level already at the age of ten in the worst case.

My goals were thus incredibly much higher.

Cal had already started associating me with the tearm Nobel Prize.

But that was really a bit early, wasn't it?

Ok, maybe, but …

Lola had always wanted to be one of the first actresses to win the Oscar for the best female star at the age of nineteen.

Oh, by the way, my roomies here were a bit disappointing, not even smarter than Zoey Brooks, just accidentally slipping into this sort of career.

The rooms here were OK. They were, however, in no way competing with those at Pacific Coast Academy.

Whatever, I was here in order to become the best scientist ever, and not in order to live like a princess.

78.2. Student Teaching

Helen Baxter had already suggested it.

I was chosen for temporary student teaching at the surrounding middle and high schools.

There was no regular schedule.

I just had to jump in in the case of msick or otherwise missing regular teachers.

The schools requesting our help were usually already well known to me: Eastridge, James K. Polk, Pacific Coast Academy, Silver Spring, Palmwood, and Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.


That sounded very cool.

But what would student teaching at Pacific Coast Academy be like for someone just having graduated from there?

It had not been much of a problem for my only trusty best friend forever, Mindy Crenshaw.

So I had not got a reason for being afraid of it.

"Palmwood" appeared to be a quite different chapter.

This was the school of my ncousin Camille.

I was not supposed to teach kinsmen, was I?

That could have been excessively creepy.

I hated thinking about that.

Was there a way for me to escape this destiny?

I better asked in advance.

Getting assigned to Camille's classes by surprise would have ended up in a disastrous mayhem.

I was soon calmed down.

The high standards prevented me from being responsible for kinsmen.

There was also one hitherto unknown school listed, names School of Rocque.

That sounded funny.

Was it a typo?


Gustavo Rocque from Rocque Records was one fabulous record producer.

Was the school named for him?

Mindy nodded. "Indeed, it is." She explained, "Gustavo hates leaving his young artists at schools not owned by him. Thus made his own school for respective victims, usually his new band of the year. But he always gives up after a while."

I shrugged.

According to Camille, Rocque had found a few boys for a new boys' band. He had picked them up somewhere in Minnesota.

They were probably better hockey players than a band.

Of course there were hockey teams even here in southern California, inspite of the lack of ice.

But it was not a sport of choice of little boys as in the icy states up there, let alone in Canada.

In Minnesota, it was all natural for a boy to become a hockey player, or at least to dream of this.

78.3. At The School Of Rocque

And there it was, my first job as a student teacher.

Gustavo Rocque's new band, Gig Time Rush, had just scared away yet another teacher.

But the record csar was not willing to give up and send them to Palmwood instead.

The boys were living in that hotel and may have easily enrolled at their school.

But Gustavo was such a stubborn and choleric dominator.

OK, it was my task to teach the new boys from the state of ice and snow.

I was bracing myself for some excessively frosty atmosphere.

The wind was already chilling in my brain, making me feel like struck by a Canadian blizzard.

I started by writing my name onto the blackboard.

About all of the teacher ever seen seemed to do so.

I did not see much sense in it. But I gave it a try. "Quinn Pensky".

OK, so, who were the boys? There were four of them aged fifteen or sixteen.

According to Gustavo Rocque, Kendall Knight was the only one of them with a trace of talent.

Kelly Waynewright, the secretary of Mr. Rocque, made me sign some necessary paper works.

The rest of them had just been coming along with him.

So the whole pack seemed to be inseparable friends.

That was a nightmare for each and every teacher.

OK, who were the three other boys?

One of them was James Diamond.

I had already heard of his alike looking cousin Shane.

The latter was an excessively gifted scientist from Seattle. He had won last year's science fair of the state of Washington.

But James just looked like Shane. He was insanely dumb, a total dandy and creep, just like Logan Reese.

His family was into the cosmetic business.

James wanted to be a supermodel. But he was also, and even more than anyone else, convinced of his own talent as a pop star and an actor.

But Mr. Rocque must have known it better. Unfortunately, he was forced by Kendall to accept James, too.

I compared James most closely to Logan Reese, just a bit less snobbish, or maybe like Trina Vega.

Then there was Carlos Garcia, a total goof. He was wearing a hockey helm, all the time, even under the showers.

Honestly, I had not yet checked the latter.

But it would not have surprised me.

I compared him most closely to Nicole Bristow or to Lafe Berkowitz.

Logan Mitchell, a nephiew of Gavin Mitchell, was different. He appeared a lot smarter than his pals and may as well have made a career as a scientist.

Maybe it was possible to make a career in a boys' band without a trace of talent.

Fredward Benson was an expert for making corrupt music videos veiling completely the lack of any acting and singing skills.

But in the case of Logan, it would have absolutely an absolutely wasted talent.

I would not allow for these skills to get forgotten and abandoned for a fake and foul career in a boy band with three dumb creeps. I definitely needed to do something about it.

But what?

Even worse, Logan Mitchel seeme dto have something for my dumb cousin Camille.

That was of course totally perverse and not acceptable. It cried for severe plans.

The band was still at its very beginning and subject to some trial period.

Until then I had to talk him into doing the right thing and give up on Big Time Rush.

Chapter 79. Spaghetti Tacos

79.1. iCarly

The web show formerly well known as Chase And Michael Show was now dead. Well, at least it could impossibly be continued in the same form as hitherto familiar.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews was no longer living anywhere near Los Angeles. He had moved on to New York City.

I had come to hear a little bit about his start into a new career.

He was pretty busy, at least for the time being.

Michael Barret was now still living near Pacific Coast Academy. He had got an underpaid internship at Gustavo Rocque.

This was of course by no means enough in order to survive.

Thus he was holding several jobs at the same time. And he was by no means sure of being able to stay in California for much longer.

This kept him otherwise busy.

He was still up to dropping in every now and then.

But that was not enough for being a column of the web show.

It was impossible for Michael Barret to prepare the content of the web sessions on a regular base.

Rather, Carly Shay, Fredward Benson, and Samantha Puckett were now totally in charge with everything.

And thus a change of the show's name was now absolutely in order.

The new name was not that new.

Fredward Benson had already suggested it over a year ago.

The show was now to be renamed to iCarly.

The "i" stood for "interweb".

"Carly" referred of course to no other than Carly Shay.

By the way, inspite of knowing bout Sam's feelings for him and about Carly's and Dustin's soul connection, Freddie still kept on hankering perversely after Carly Shay.

Now everyone had accepted the new name.

79.2. Gustavo gives up.

By the way, Gustavo Rocque had finally given up on the plan of sending the boys to his handfed school.

Claire Sawyer had been able to prove the illegal character of his school.

It violated about all of the Californian laws for high schools.

Also, it was impossible to find permanent teachers, not just a few underpaid student teachers, able to put up with Gustavo's conditions.

But Gustavo was not forced to send the boys back to Palmwood.

There was an alternative.

Helen Baxter had assumed responsibility over nearby Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.

But the school also needed a new sponsor.

The confidence of most of the board members had been abused and broken severely by Brad Eichman.

A drastic loss of students was the immediate consequece.

And that was the chance for Gustavo Rocque to buy a still functioning school for his boy band, and especially one with the infrastructure of preparing sHollywood stars of the future for their lif tasks.

Of course, I would have to help out over there as a student teacher for science.

And that was my last chance for returning Logan Mitchell to the path of virtue instead of letting him sink into corruption and decay.

79.3. Richard Flame[[177]]

Spencer Shay, the elder brother of Carly, was a mediocre cook. But he had invented his own speciality: spaghetti tacos.

These were just spaghetti squeezed between taco shells.

Carly had brought this idea to Pacific Coast Academy.

Rosemary Pepper had tested them and decided to offer those weird meals regularly in the cafeteria of Pacific Coast Academy.

But the recipe had even been refined.

Usually, Spencer and Carly had made a sauce containing balls of minced meat.

According to Samantha Puckett, the sauce was missing garlic.

But the course of life at Pacific Coast Academy had changed that.

As aforementioned, Michael Barret's family had been guarding a recipe for the perfect sauce for ravioli.

Scientific experiment, conducted with the help of two reliable test persons, viz. Samantha Puckett and Coco Wexler, had reveiled some astonushing fact.

The spaghetti tacos were demonstrated to taste infinitely much better with the traditional ravioli sauce prepared according to the recipe of the Barrets.

Rosemary Pepper had bought that recipe off Michael's grandma, with the help of future lawyer Claire Sawyer.

Actually, Old Mrs. Barret had foolishly mistaken Claire for Michael's fiancé and dished out the recipe for naught.

Claire had of course just formulated the contract for the purchase of the recipe.

Whatever the reasons, lunch lady Rosemary Pepper was now the legal owner of the rights for the Barret family recipe for ravioli sauce.

And the meals of spaghetti tacos and Barret sauce were presented in the web show, i.e. iCarly.

This had apparently made them famous.

In one manner or the other, Cooking Channel, the favourite TV channel of Coco Wexler, had come to hear about it.

TV chef Ricky Flame was now hell bent on challenging team "Spaghetti Nachos".

It was impossible for a chef of international renown to let any recipe on the world be deemed better than his own.

And this exactly cried for a contest.

Who was better: Ricky Flame and his recipes or Rose Pepper and hers?

Three judges had to decide.

At the same time, I had studied the problems of the juice of the Guadalapecho cactus even more.

Cal and Mr. Jamerson had independently discovered a natural fermantation process enabling the transformation of thwe juice of the cactus into the poison of the Peruvian puff pepper.

A certain method of food preparation was even able to accelerate this process.

Today, the contest was broadcast directly from Carly's and Sam's dormitory room, the new studio of the show.

I had been accidentally around because of the necessity of checking possible dates for student teaching here at Pacific Coast Academy.

Maybe Sam's teacher for chemistry was going to be absent during the next three weeks.

I was selected for replacing him on one afternoon.

Richard Flame was passing by, holding some ingredients in his hands.

But those ingredients, inspite of looking harmless, contained one special compound, viz. Peruvian puff pepper.

Nevel stormed in. He had smelled the puffpepper from afar.

His nose was incredibly sensitive.

He yelled, "this junk contains Peruvian puff pepper, illegal in California!"

I nodded solemnly.

Rosemary Pepper gasped. "He wanted to poison us?" She remembered the onslaught at the barbecue festival.

Sam nodded. "That's very evil!"

Richard Flame cackled. Then he jumped through the window.

Carly Shay called the police with her cellular phone.

Officer Vega would arrest the creep only ten minutes later.

But he wasn't even Richard Flame, he was a counterfeiter.

The same thing had already happened to former star chef Pierre Le Mange[[178]].

Well, after all, the spaghetti tacos were a lot better.

And this was well known, wasn't it?

Chapter 80. Squirt Guns

80.1. First Day At Hollywood Art

This feeling was a bit strange.

I had already been at this school for several times, such as for the marketing and support of my office system..

But this was my first vusut during the rule of Helen Baxter.

And it was the first day of Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts under the dual administration by Helen Baxter and Gustavo Rocque.

Both of them have brought their first slaves along with them.

In the case of Helen Baxter, this was Gavin Mitchell, the uncle of Logan Mitchell.

In the case of Gustavo Rocque, this was Kelly Waynright.

And this was my class. It consisted of Logan Mitchell, James Diamond, Kendall Knight, Carlos Garcia, and lots of hitherto unbeknownst kids like Marco Callahan[[179]], Brad Krouse[[180]] et alii.

I introduced today's topic. "We are talkig about hydrodynamics."

Most of the kids looked clueless.

Logan Mitchell, on the other jumped up. "Squirt guns?"

I shrugged and grinned. "OK!"

The kids jumped up and bounced around.

The boys were accustomed to a swimming pool in their former hotel, Palmwood. They were now residing in a cheap hostelety named Rockwood.[[181]].

But without a pool, the guys' squirt guns were hard to fill.

We had to postpone the practice part of today's lessons.

I started talking about Bernoulli's principle.

Only Logan cpuld make any sense of that.

I explained, "this principle is basically the conservation of energy in fluids. Of course it is only valid in inviscid ones." I looked around. "Anyone ready to write down the formula for the kinetic and potential energy in fluids?" I guessed, "Logan Mitchell?"

He hesitated, obviously not willing to embarrass himself as a freak.

I grunted, "You can do it! You know it!" I grabbed his wrists and pulled him in front of the blackboard. Then I picked a piece of chalk and stuffed it right between his fingers.

He sighed and finally obeyed to my orders.

The blackboard filled with formulæ.

I nodded solemnly. "Perfect!"

The class booed. "Freak!"

I continued, "now let us test these formulæ with some experiment … squirt guns!"

Kendall and Carlos had got a particularly big one.

But there was no water.

I announced, "let's go to the headquarter's office!"

My office system, with integrated coffee machine, was still deployed over there.

80.2. The Battle

We had crossed the long corridor and the locker halls.

The door to the administration office was widely open.

Kelly Waynright and Gavin Mitchell stood in front of it and looked consternated.

We were not the reason, though.

Gustavo and Helen were heard shouting wildly at each other.

Logan asked his uncle, "what is going on?" Gavin explained, "They are arguing over this year's public programme of Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts".

That was no good sign.

The common rulership was just up for five hours.

And they were already yelling like an old married couple.

This cried for an intervention.

I announced, "Kelly, Carlos, Brad, and Kendall, you storm the left wing. Passing the kitchen sink, you may load your squirt gun."

They nodded solemnly.

Then I sent Logan, Gavin, James, and the rest of the gang up front in order to distract the bickering couple.

Carlos decided touse coffee instead of water.

The brown sewage was easier to access.

Kendall gave the command. "Fire! Oops! Water!"

A ray of coffee shooting forth from the muzzle of the squirt gun hit both Helen's and Gustavo's face.

Now thew responsibles yelled at us instead.

I asked, "where is the problem?"

Helen explained, "Make It Shine … that's a musical of our winter program …"

Gustavo grunted, "Trina Vega is totally suckish."

Helen nodded, "I know!"

There seemed to be no alternative.

There wasn't even a second choice.

Gustavo was even more upset. "The tune has been composed by André Harris." He was not happy with having to supervise the compositions made by some other composers.

Helen continued, "and the creep is no longer at Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts".

Of course I knew that.

The mean cheater had been expelled for the fraud with the ping pong team, along with his henchmen Jade West, Beck Oliver, Caitlyn Valentine, and Robert Shapiro.

According to Camille, some of them had switched to Palmwood.

But Robert Shapiro had gone to France in order to join his idol Henri Petois, the sock puppeteer of Paris.

Trina Vega was really a pain in the guts.

It was better to find another lead singer for the project.

But where to look?

Maybe Camille would be able to help me?

But I xcould not count on her.

She was in a stinky mood due to my statement about her and Logan Mitchell.

And that was one of the other things left to do.

In order to split Lomille, the ignoble connection of Logan Mitchell and Camille, into pieces, I needed to find some substitute.

Maybe Cal could recommend someone.

Which girl was most suited for a smart guy like Logan Mitchell?

Helen and Gustavo were also troubled by the elimination of Mr. Sikowitz, one of the most important teachers at Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.

This teacher had to be fired for his cooperation with the ping pong fraud team.

But there was currently no better teacher for advances acting classes available.

OK, that was too much.

The class was already impatient.

I yelled, "Squirt gun battle!"

The kids squealed and started the death match.

Cal had once invented an automated squirt gun, so many years ago.

Those of today were certainly better, though.

Was the office here able to surive such a mayhem?

Chapter 81. The Prince Of Spain

81.1. Royalty Ahead

I was watchin the news, along with Mindy Crenshaw.

The moderator, Jessica Warner, announced the visit of the Spanish royal family[[182]] in California.

The king was said to be an alumnus of Pacific Coast Academy.

I had not known about this.

This vist gave this year's homecoming formal at Pacific Coast Academy a particular formality.

I had always avoided this event.

But it seemed to be more interesting this year.

It coincided with the wedding of Dean Taylor and Ms. Park.

Mindy was now checking the online version of the yearbook.

Down to Quinntech, I had been able to scan archive the whole thing since 1919 in electronic form.

Of course the kids at Pacific Coast Academy were totally excited.

But about all of Los Angeles was stirred up by these news.

Mindy had found the essential pages.

The king had graduated from here like thirty years ago.

Prince Gabriel[[183]] , the heir of the throne, was among the impending visitors. He was still a teenager. He had not yet been seen much in the opublic.

Mindy researched the online resources. After some long and tough efforts, she found a picture of the prince. She squealed for astonishment.

I wondered, "what's up?"

Mindy stammered, "The Prinec … Freddie …"

I went looking. "Hells bells!"

The prince looked exactly like good old Fredward Benson!

I had always wondered about Freddie's father.

Marissa Benson's words had been very evasive whenever asked.

So Freddie was possibly of some royal lineage?

That sounded very interesting!

I had to check it out!

81.2. DNA Test

I was now once more on the good old campus of Pacific Coast Academy.

Was Fredward Benson already aware of the similarity with Prince Gabriel?

I did not dare to ask him directly.

But the shock would uttermost likely be way too great for the tech producer in the case of encountering his lookalike at the formal homecoming event.

Was there a subtle way of preparing him for the possibility?

I wondered about the possibility of a genetic test.

I eeded the DNS of Freddie, his mom, and of course of the members of the royal family.

This was not going to be easy.

Vulgar people tended to be excruciatingly upset when asked for a sample of their DNS.

This was very sad.

I had come to experience this absolutely irrational and stupid attitude in some more or less painful manner during the last years.

The royal family was probably very well guarded on top of all that.

The campus of Pacific Coast Academy was already anticipating the event.

Custodian Gordy was about ornating the buildings and the pavements for the visit of the royal family and the wedding of the headmaster.

New flag staffs were placed all over the campus.

Fortunately, Chase Bartholomew Matthews was far away. He would have been excruciatingly likely to run over the staves and stain the banners with crap. He would come to the principal's wedding, though.

This year's homecoming ball would be a girls' choice event.

Most of the coeducative schools throughout the United States were following this recommendation by the national students' parliament.

Freddie had already been asked by Sam. But he still deemed her joking.

This made Samantha Puckett very sad.

Freddie was still lusting perversely after Carly Shay.

But Carly had already chosen Dustin for the event.

And this made Freddie very angry and grumpy.

I would be better off postponing the mediation of the news, let alone asking for his DNS. Or so I guessed.

Sam asked me, "I have mixed some explosive able to blow up the trophy case of the school. Will I get an 'A plus' for this project?"

I nodded solemnly.

Ashley Blake, on the other hand, had the guts to invite Beck Oliver as her partner for the fall formal. She had given up on David R. Couleda when seeing him happy with Jordyn Sporks during their performance at my senior prom.

This would mean inevitably war.

Jade West was very well known to be uttermost perversely jealous and pour hot coffee into the face of any girl coming too close to Beck.

I better kept out of it.

Some other girls dared to fancy Prince Gabriel as their partner for the formal.

That was of course even more of a challenge.

Even Samantha Puckett, in an attempt of making Freddie jealous, joined that bandwagon.

Missy and Nevel were of course going together to the event.

Megan Parker had invited her boyfriend from San Diego, a certain Tyler Peirson[[184]] , another nephew of coach Peirson.

Fredward Benson laughed about Sam's choice. "You will never be a priness!"

Sam grunted, "we will see!"

Freddie had to laugh hard wenough to be forced to sneeze.

The filthy contents of his nose landed partly on my top.

I was about going to get angry.

But, hey!

I needed Freddie's DNA.

And the slime contained some of his genetic informations.

Off to Doc Hollywood!

81.3. Surprise!

Doc Hollywood has gladly willing to examine the contents of Fredward's nose. But he wondered about the reasons.

I told him about my suspicious observations.

Doc Hollywood growled. "That is quite some theory …" He preserved the slime with some formal solution.

I expressed the need of getting at the DNA of Marissa Benson and of the royal family, too.

Doc Hollywood grinned. "The former is not difficult!"

I looked puzzled.

The doc exoplained,

Mrs. Bension was very much concerned about the security of her "son".

I had to keep some of her blood serum in the case of Freddie needing a transfusion after an injury.

So, there is some of her DNA in my laboratory.

OK, Mrs. Benson was really creepy.

Now we just needed the samples of the king and his family.

This was of course the most difficult part.

Doc Hollywood started analysing the samples of Freddie's mucous secretions.

He coughed and choked. "Wow!"

I wondered, "what is going on?"

The medic sighed. "Marissa Benson is impossible the mother of Fredward Benson."

I gasped. What have I been stumbling into?

Thwe traces needed to be followed.

The dots needed to be connected.

Chapter 82. Telekinesis

82.1. Mindy's Thoughts

Returning to the girls' residence block at Caltech, I had to talk immediately to Mindy about the discovery made by Doc Hollywood.

She sighed deeply. "Do we have to tell Freddie about his 'mother'?" She also wondered, "will he even believe us?"

Of course Fredward Benson was mentally excessively stubborn. He had been too resilient to believe in the evil revenge of Consuela. He would probably make a confusion responsible for it.

Mindy speculated, "maybe Freddie has been exchanged as a baby?"

I scratched my head. "Prince Gabriel does not have an acknowledged 'brother'."

In the extreme case, Fredward and Gabriel were twin brothers.

This was a very blasphemic and rebellish thing to even dare to think.

But it had to be.

Mindy nodded. "The royal house would have published the birth of twins."

There was of course one possibility left:

The substitue for Freddie could have died extremely early.

Marissa Benson had possibly delivered a dead born child.

The royal family had not yet been informed about the twin pregnancy.

Thus some creepy nurse simply had taken one of the twins in order to replace Marissa's baby.

Marissa had never come to know

Unfortunately, there were too many possibilities to even consider within a few weeks.

And the visit of the royal family was too close.

We definitely needed to get at their DNA.

82.2. Malika intervenes.

I was now alone in my dormitory room.

Suddenly, a cloud of sparkling flakes condensed near me.

I was astoinished. "Malika?"

Ms. Dooley giggled. "Correct!"

As aforementioned, Malika meant as much as "queen".

That struck me odd, considering all the fuss triggered by the impending arrival of a royal family from across the mighty Atlantic ocean.

But, as said. "Malika" was maybe not even a given name, just a nick for the queen of witches.

The wizardess chuckled. "So, you are looking for some samples of DNA of the Spanish lords?"

I nodded timidly, stammering, "who told you?"

She had probably read my mind, anyways.

Malika explained, "You don't want to know it."

I shrugged.

It was probably really better to let sleeping dogs lie in peace instead of causing just more confusion and dismay.

I asked, "you want to stir magically a rebellion in Spain, disposing with the monarchy?"

Malika laughed heartily. "That would be damn' stupid."

I sighed. "It probably is!"

Malika announced to try to get at their DNA by means of telekinesis.

I looked aghast. "Telekinesis?" I suspired. "Are you joking?"

Malika glared back at me. "Are you looking for your pencil?"

I fumbled at my shirt pocket usually holding a pencil for all cases.

But it was not there.

Malika grinned. "Look aloft!"

I shrugged and acted according to her command. "Oops! My pencil!"

The writing tool was floating above my head like a halo.

I suspired and picjed it up.

But how had it made its way upthere?

Malika's thoughts must have levitated it magically.

I sighed deeply and promised unto myself to keep better care of my belongings.

Malika remarked, "that was too easy, but a simple levitation."

I shrugged.

Scratching a sample of the DNA off someone from afar without gettin niticed would be a lot harder.

Malika admitted, "until the begin of the academic year I would not even have dared to try anything beyond those simple tricks and teleporting myself."

I wondered, "what made you improve your skills?"

Malika moaned, "Matthew Palmer Noid[[185]], a sophomore at James K. Polk …" She started blushing. "Matthew is able to strip people telekinetically of their pants without making them know."

I coughed. Then I touched my leggings.

Everything appeared to be still in place.

Knowing about that possibility, I was never going to make chokes about missing pants again.

Malika admitted, "one of Matthew's first victims was Mr. Sweeny, a teacher for science at James K. Polk."

I figured the warning clear and straight enough.

Teachers for science were better off keeping very well care of their clothes, every time of the day.

Mindy and Cal needed to be careful, too.

But Malika was not totally happy. "My brother Wally robs my last nerves."

I wondered, "by means of telekinesis?"

Malika grunted, "what? Wally? He can't even spell that, and belives it to be derived from 'Chinese'."

I laughed heartily.

Malika siuspired, "Wally tries to pass as a bad boy and make it into Big Time Rush, against the will of band leader Kendall Knight. At the same time, he starts arguing with his girlfriend Tori, alias Victoria Vega, and has probably trashed her already."

I replied, "Tori Vega The sister of Trina Vega?"

Lola had sometimes talked about Tori. She deemed her younger yet alike looking cousin more gifted and was thus a bit envious.

I can act.

Victoria, on the other hand, is also able to sing and to dance.

But Tori was not yet aware of her great talent.

Lola sure recognised great talent, and she knew her cousin.

I might not have discovered my own talent for science without the arrival of Cal. Thereupon I had turned into a rebel against my former vain life as a shallow and worthless girl.

This inspired me to somethiong.

Trina Vega was planned by Helen and Gustavo for that scheduled musical.

But Tori was clearly a greater dancer and singer than her elder sister. She would certainly make things shine brightly forever, making all Hollywood dreams come true, if only given a chance.

Malika complained even more about Wally's stupid attempts, "he feigns to be a rebel from the slums, all the way."

This was of course one of those typical marketing lies. It sounded a lot like Wade Collins's stupid attempt of getting Carly and her gang to regret their intervention in the final phase of America Sings and to help him with the creation of a music video rectifying his "skills" as a singer and dancer.

The creep had claimed his mother to be deadly sick.

And it had been but a lousy lie.

OK, I needed to contact Victoria Vega and suggest her to join Big Time Rush and also to switch to Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts, a school like made for her, the perfect diva.

Before that, it was necessary to inform Fredward Benson about the result of the blood comparison.

This was a critical decision.

He would sooner or later have heard about it from others.

But coming to know it from creeps like Logan Reese would have been worse for him.

So I better decided to act fast.

82.3. Shock For Freddie

Alas, I was too late.

Fredward Benson had already heard both about his similarity with Prince Gabriel, and about the blood test.

Carly claimed, "I should have seen that coming."

Freddie was now hiuding on the toilets, trying to empty his already thoroughly evacuated stomach stomach even more.

San triedto be there for him.

But he refused to talk to anyone. He was absolutely not willing to believe it and to about it to anyone.

Chapter 83. The Wedding

The great day for Dean Taylor and Ms. Park, the cousin of Kazu, was right at the beginning of the homecoming week.

The combination of the wedding and the royal visitors made this obe of the greatest homecoming events in the history of Pacific Coast Academy.

Needless to say, the security measures were really huge.

The whole operation was coordinated once again by officer Vega, aforementioned uncle in law of Lola Martinez.

I had always avoided homecoming balls while stuill a student here at Pacific Coast Academy.

But today, I had got a mission to complete.

The royal family had not arrived.

But the queen and the king would soon show up in order to be the honour attendants of the wedding.

Many graduates from my time as a student at Pacific Coast Academy were attending this homecoming week, including the wedding.

Lola Martinez just had to be here, especially due to the many public cams watching out for the royal family.

Logan Reese, of course, needed to brag with his credit card.

There was also a delegation from Ms. Park's former school in New York City. It consisted of three juniors, viz. aforementioned Ryan Laserbeam and two of his friends.

One of them was True Jackson, a fashion freak in the tradition of Zoey Brooks. She was currently working as a fashion creator and vice president of New York City's well renowned fashion label Mad Style.

The other girl was Lauren "Lulu" Peckinpaw[[186]]. She was a great mathematician and essay eriter.

Thinking about that, this sounded perfect for someone like Logan Mitchell!

With a decent girl like Lulu, instead of totally unsuited Camille, Logan Mitchell would have more chances of making it out of the swamp of Big Time Rush and back to the path of virtues.

But this was not going to be easy.

But I had got a plan.

Big Time Rush mneeded some new outfit.

Who was better suited for designing the appearance of a boys' band than True Jackson, vice president for young fashion of the greatest fashion label in New York Cuty?

Well, Zoey was … matbe … but she was definitely so far away. She would have loved to make it to the wedding of the headmaster. But she was too busy in London.

So I just had to contact True Jackson.

Suddenly, the excitement increased.

A message reported the arrival of the royal family.

Officer Vega and his henchmen had barred the way to a corridor reserved for the monarchs.

I had not seen Malika yet.

Maybe she was hiding somewhere.

Father Maccurdy[[187]], the world's fattest priest, was in charge with conducting the wedding ceremony.

Now the royal troop approached.

My cellular phone rang out.

I sighed and picked it up. "Quinn Pensky!"

It was Sinjin van Cleef, exiled number one visual artist from Hollywood.

I grunted, "This is noy the optinal time for …"

Sinjin admitted to working as an intern for Mad Style. "True is truly hot! She makes design ideas from trash."

I moaned, "trash arts … OK … and so?"

Sinjin explained, "True has designed the outfit for Prince Gabriel."

I shrugged, not caring about that.

But Sinjin had even got some more information.

Prince Gabriel is pretty much bored by his life as a royal heir.

True is looking for some entertainment for him. But she does not know Los Angeles.

May you help her there?

I gasped. "One of the students here at Pacific Coast Academy looks quite like Prince Gabriel."

The idea was simply that of switching them.

Sinjin described True Jackson for me.

This was a bit tricky.

But I finally found her.

The wedding orchestra, guided by Nevel Papperman, started playing.

A choir sang along.

Faithful and True
We lead ye forth
Where love's triunphant shall crown ye with joy.

Strar of rebown
Flower of the earth
Blest be ye both far from all life's annoy!

Champion victorious
Go thou before!
Maid bright and glorious
Go thou before!

I finally found True.

She gasped. Unfortunately, she had not yetr been able to watch iCarly or Chase and Michael Show.

This had to do with the time shift between New York City and Los Angeles.

It was also a big problem for Chase and Addie.

The royal family was supposed to stay for three more days.

We just needed to persuade Freddie.

I took my phome and called Carly Shay.

She promised to do her best.

True Jackson had made a backup copy of the prince's outfit.

This would be worn by Freddie Benson.

By means of this trick, exchanging the two alike looking teenage boys would be totally easy.

Now it was time for the usual questions by the priest.

All that stuff was annoying.

Cal had once been at the baptising ceremony of a space shuttle.

That had been boring, too.

Why would a reverend's blessing improve the technical features of a rocket?

Instead of listening, I started talkimg to True about the necessary outfit for the boys from Big Time Rush.

Finally, both Dean Taylor and Ms. Park haid said their stuff.

The chubby priest declared them now as hubby and wife.

And so on …

Now officer Vega had to check the wedding cake.

The police of Los Angeles could not risk a bomb hidden in it, not in the presence of a royal family.

The wedding cake had been made by Rosemary Pepper.

Suddenly, a little tweeding bird came flying across the campus. It dared to drop something exactly over the shoulders of Prince Gabriel.

Wasn't that a capital crime?

The bird disappeared as soon as possible.

But Prince Gabriel had to change his outfit.

Fortunately, True had got her prototype rigged and ready.

More precisely, Carly Shay had talked Fredward Benson successfully into wearing it.

This was the pewrfect moment for an exchange.

And then it would be fun time for Prince Gabriel.

I grinned with excruciating mischief.

Chapter 84. The Princess Of Carabas

84.1. Sam's Intervention

The next day, Prince Gabriel was in our hands.

Fredward Benson was with the royal family.

But then he introduced Samantha Puckett to his parents. "This is the Princess of Carabas, a very noble bloodline. She has lost everything in a plane crash." He even named her the last surving member of the whole blood line.

The king gasped. He ordered to get Sam, oops, the princess of Carabas, dressed appropriately for a noble lady. with gold, silver, diamonds, and expensive dresses.

There had been a , Marquis de Carabas in a fairy tale about some perversely evil talking cat. Said "manof noble lineage" was just a recklessly mean cheater, a peasant pauper gaining illegitimate access to the king's castle and marrying into the royal family.

Had Sam known about that fairy tale and appropriated it for herself?

Diamonds were very interesting. Basically, they were nothing but coal.

Did Samantha know that?

84.2. The J-Mate

Diamonds were rare. Inspite of just being pure crystalline coal, they require conditions not found regularly on the surface of the earth just in order to form.

But the same was valid for the material required for my plans for the fusion of Japanese J-phones and Californian tek mates into a callular phone being both legal in California and fully functional, with all the nuts and bolts, or the whistles and bells, found in modern celular phones.

Granted, it was possible to produce the materials in a suitably equipped laboratory.

But this approach was not unexpensive.

Cal was already workin on a different method.

I was rather trying to find some substitute material.

Mindy helped me on occasions.

It was much easier for me now, being an official student at Caltech.

And we had already made a few progresses.

After mixing some hundreds of liquid, a suitable substitute appeared. But it had still got one disadvantage. It was liquid at normal temperature and needed to be cooled far below the freezing point of water in order to work.

The temperatures of the freezing chambers of Dingo appeared suitable.

84.3. The Adventuires Of A Stray Prince

Melanie Puckett was now taking care of prince Gabriel.

That was very cool.

Could the prince tell Melanie and Sam apart?

Without that ability, he would have been totally lost.

Melanie was about guiding Freddie all over the place, especially Sushi Rox.

The future monarch was totally addicted to middle class restaurants.

This had been said by True Jackson.

The fashionista had been with Prince Gabriel in the favourite restaurant of Ryan Laserbeam, known as Snaggleberry Inn. He had even applied as a waiter in order to have more fun.

Snaggleberry Inn had got a funicular for its employees to get faster to the guests.

Sushi Rox had not got anything like that.

But Kazu would not have minded putting in something like that.

Melanie and Gabriel seemed to get along very nicely, totally unlike Freddie and Sam.

The latter had probably blackmeiled Freddie into supporting her plans of faking an impoverished princess, the heir ess of the throne of Carabas.

84.4. The DNA

Magic Malika showed up in my lounge, this time in a fairly normal manner.

I wondered, "no puff o' smoke?"

Malika chuckled, "Honestly, it is very tiresome and not infallible." She sweated. "Not as tiresome as my attempts of sneaking the DNA off the Spanish queen and the king." She held some vial aloft, filled with some icky substance.

I did not want to hear the details. I was just interested in getting the the samples to Doc Hollywood and let him do the dirty work.

Prince Gabriel had given us some of his hair knowingly and willingly. He was now really interested in getting to know about it.

But Doc Hollywood was not going to touch the samples any more before getting all of them.

And this would soon be the case.

The visit of the royal familty was seen all over in the United States.

There were some nation-wide TV broadcasting corps around during the least two days.

What exactly got broadcast?

Marissa Benson had probably seen Prince Gabriel and noticed his similarity.

What was her reaction?

Would she now come down and do something?

A lot would depend on the critiacal alternative:

Was Marissa aware of not being Fredward's real other, or did had she honestly been believing the contrary?

In either case, it was possible for Marissa to go totally insane.

But only Marissa knew the answer.

Being able to read her minds would now have been more valuable than diamonds.


Malika Dooley was able to read minds of people.

At least my experience had told me something like that.

But was that possible all the way from Los Angeles to Seattle?

84.5. Confirmation

The evening after, Doc Hollywood called me.

It was very urgent.

I already figured the reason.

He had compared the samples of the DNA and come to a clear result.

Fredward Benson and Gabriel, Prince of Spain, were monozygotic twin brothers and sons of the Spanish monarch couple..

I had seen it coming.

But it was still painful to think about.

Freddie had not been missed by his parents in eighteen years.

Or they had never admitted to that.

But why was that the case?

And, most of all, how did Marissa Benson get Freddie?

Malika offered using her telepathic abilities in order to find out.

But the royal family would return to Spain tomorrow.

Malika would return to Seattle over Thanksgiving break.


Prince Gabriel would not return. He had decided to stay in California with Melanie.

But Fredward would return with Samantha to Spain.

It was probably all Sam's idea.

Thus the two identical twins were just about trading lives.

So, what would Marissa say?

I picked my cellular phone and called Spncer Shay in his loft.

The creep replied,


It's terrible!

Mrs. Benson has disappeared over night!

And nobody knows whereto!

I have tried to reach Freddie.

But he does not answer.

I could not calm him down.

Freddie was still in California, probably in Hotel Chambrolay.

But he could not answer the calls of his civil friends without betraying the whole fraud.

The situation was scary.

Chapter 85. A Crush For Logan

85.1. Lulu And Mikey

As aforementioned, I had hoped Lulu to get Logan Mitchell away from his path of self destruction, viz. Big Time Rush and Camille.

Unfortunately, there was already a boyfriend of Lulu in New York City, a certain Mikey Jay.

But True Jackson was still rigged and ready for creating a perfect outfit for Big Time Rush.

Unfortunately, Amanda Cantwell, a very mean and vile vice president at Mad Style, permanently tried to sabotage the whole thing.

Gustavo Rocque and Maximilian Madigan, the boss of Mad Style, had now negotiated a contract over six million dollars for the outfit.

This was even more than the sum spent by the Spanish court for the whole outfit for their trip to America.

For me, this implied the absolute necessity of another plan to sunder Camille and Logan Mitchell apart, thus saving a potential genius from mental decay and perversity.

85.2. New iCarly Cast

With Fredward and Samantha gone to Spain, the iCarly Show could not continue business as usual.

Prince Gabriel of Spain and Melanie Puckett wanted to continue their twin siblings' works.

Discontinuing the show would have required a very good and believable reason for the many viewers.

And there was no good reason in sight.

But was it really possible to deceive the viewers?

Telling them about the truth would have been a plain giveaway and caused quite a lot of trouble for Sam and Freddie.

It was thus necessary for Gabriel to feign being Fredward.

Likewise, Melanie had to feign being Sam.

But how good a Sam could Melanie be?

Needless to say, and even worse, Prince Gabriel was nowhere near a professional media technology freak.

Fredward had organised the whole technical equipment of their web show in a quite orderly manner.

Gabriel did not only fail utterly and completely in understanding it. He needed a very good teacher for that.

I had invented most of the technological stuff used by Fredward Benson for the web show. But I had not got the time to explain zilch to the royal heir.

Fortunately, Wayne Gilbert was at their disposal. But he was not precisely known for being a master example of patience.

It required a lot of discipline in order to be able to learn something from "Firewire".

As opposed to Samantha, Melanie Puckett was totally patient.

But was it legitimate to say the very same thing about Gabriel?

In any case, it was impossible to learn the orrect handling of web media tools within a few days.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews and Michael Barret had not even made it after over a year.

Melanie and Gabriel were by no means smarter.

85.3. Beck Oliver

Ashley Blake had given up on Beck Oliver. She had decided Jett Stettson[[188]] to be a better choice.

Stettson was an excessively hot actor working on and off for Malcolm Reese, the hearththrob number one of teenage Hollywood.

Little wonder Ashley was totally into him.

Beck Oliver was hot, too. And he was definitely wasted on an excessively gothic emo girl like Jade West. He would have been infinitely better off with my cousin Camille.

And that was an idea.

I fancied,

Camille will trash Logan Mitchel for Oliver.

Logan will hate the world of Hollywood and return to his one and only proper virtues, the study of science and mathematics.

Of course Jade would never let Beck go voluntarily. Of course she did not love him.

No emo girl may love a shiny boy.

Jade had certainly got some weird, obessive ideas and intentions about Beck.

What were here plans?

A really good mind reader was possibly necessary for finding out.

And who if not "Magic" Malika Dooley was such a damn' cool mind reader!

I had to contact her again in order to figure Jade West's excessively dark intentions concerning Beck Oliver.

85.4. Phoebe Nachee

I was somewhat disappointed by the fact of Lulu Peckinpaw having already got a boyfriend.

Hey, Mikey Jay was a cool nerd, he was certainly not utterly unworthy of Lulu.

But I was still looking for someone to draw Logan Mitchell back to the path of virtue.

And, all of a sudden, there was a trace of a chance.

Phoebe Nachee[[189]], an extreme genius from Princeton, was coming to Los Angeles and start as a temporary student teachwer at nearby Eastridge.

And Logan Mitchell wanted to listen to her classes.

But there was one problem.

Eastridge was a school exclusively for girls.

And Logan Mitchell was most definitely not a female being.

Thed choice of Eastridge had by no means been an accident.

Phoebe Nachee considered boys as intellectually inferior, especially with respect to mathematics, the queen of intellectual disciplines. She refused to talk to boys, period.

Security guards at Eastridge had got the strict orders to kick out all boys, the hard way.

Logan reported,

So, I decided to crossdress as a girl in order to be able to sneak unnoticed into the classrooms at said school for girls only.

But, unfortunately, this adventure was not really successful.

I made it well into the classes, and I started listening to Phoebe.

But then the genius started talking about the intellectual inferiority of boys.

And I had not been able to keep his treacherous mouth shut.

Phoebe was stubborn.

I tore my wig off. "I am a boy, and I am able to understand your works!"

And this was my downfall.

The girls and the security guards kicked me in the most painful spots and sent me flying across the street.

I better give it up.

I was dismayed.

Logan Mitchell was not supposed to give up that soon.

I had to do something about this. A few years ago, I had been deemed unworthy of physics and chemistry, by some Wayne Gilbert.

But Mindy and I had been able to convince him.

Maybe a conversation with Phoebe Nachee would change her mind.

Cal had known Phoebe Nachee for quite some time.

I had to talk to him about this subject during his next visit in California.

It was one of the last chances for saving Logan Mitchell.

Chapter 86. Make it shine!

86.1. iCarly Goes Down

Aforementioned problems for the web show had been really disastrous.

The first web session with Prince Gabriel and Melanie Puckett instead of Samatha Puckett and Fredward Benson lead to some chaotic turmoil.

Carly Shay had to intervene by making herself responsible for the whole catastrophe, claiming to have suffered from headaches and therefor screwed up with the web show. She was really down with her mood.

And the viewers were not indefinitely willing to accept Carly's excuse.

The whole glorious past of the wonderful web show was not about getting flushed down the drain.

86.2. Voice Booster

I was still convinced of Victoria Vega being the better singer than her elder sister Trina.

But the latter paid for a medication against her bad voice. Well, she was not exactly saying it this way.

But I was able to brew something of my own invention, based on ancient Chinese medicine.

I just added some lizard excrements.

Fortunately, Eric Blonowitz, the fiancé of Stacey Dillsen, had once got a pet lizard, and he had preserved its droppings.

My king snake had escaped last year.

And I had already used up the products of its digestion.

After two hours of mixing and shaking, the new drops were completely ready.

Trina's voice would really make it shine.

But I had to remind her of the maximum dose.

Too much of it was absolutely no good, either.

86.3. Too Much

Unfortunately, Trina Vega had not been sticking to the instructions. She had taken thrice as many drops of my voice patcher potion than described.

The consequences were fatal.

Trina's tongue was now inflated to thrice of its natural volume.

And this was absolutely owhere near optimal for her voice, quite the contrary.

Tina was now no longer able to squeeze a decent wiord out of her throat.

And that was the night of the performance of te great Hollywood School for teh Professional Performance Art musical.

The original tune had been written by André Harris.

But Gustavo Rocque had been manically fumbling with it.

As aforementioned, there was no second choice.

Victoria Vega had heard Trina often enough practising under the showers.

Trina used to yell it like nobody's business. But ow she was not able to yell.

Somehow, this was sort of a relief.

I was never keen on listening to Trina's perverted voice.

But there had to be done somethin about it.

Trina could not stay like this forever.

Doc Hollywood suggested to cut Trina's tongue open and stictch it together again.

Fortunately, Cal and I had already invented the counter medic against the consequences of exaggerated usage of my voice patcher.

It would still take a few days to wear off.

But Gustavo was impatient and unable to wait.

Thus he decided, along with Helen Baxter, to give Victoria Vega a Chance.

Ma Vega better took care of that.

Trina was not unlikely to take too much of my countermedic, making her tongue shrivel to a minor fraction of its natural volume.

Needless to say, appropriate singing and speaking was hardly possible with a miniature tungue.

Trina was not a good patient, quite the contrary.

86.4. Tori's Chance

Victoria Vega was at first glance not really willing to beliveve. "Trina is the singer."

The situation had been similar for Kendall Knight.

At Gustavo Rocque's auditions in Minnesota, James had been the one believed to be hell bent on striking a firtune in Hollywood.

But Gustavo Knight was not easy to fool. He was able to smell talent with or without wind.

The Vega parents tried to talk Tori into jumping in for her only sister.

Finally, Tori moaned, "OK!" Of course she was still not convinced.

The curtains were moving alioft.

The spots concentrated on Victoria.

The dancers started moving graciously,

And Tori made her voice fill the air.

That was greater without practice than Trina after fifty hours of practice.

Tori still had got qualms.

But now it turned out amazing.

The hall was bursting for applause.

I was not preset at the performance of the musical.

But I would hear about it next day in the cafeteria.

86.5. Cactus Manipulation

The catus juice was still troubling me.

But I had got a glorious idea.

No other pod pepper, such as Jalapeno, developped the dangerous ingredient of Peruvian puff pepper.

This was due to some genetic failure.

Some genetic manipulation, following the example of jalapeno peppers, would block the dangerous process even in the cactus from Guadalapecho

Mindy liked the idea.

We could start experimenting immediately.

I had to inform Cal on site about the interesting discovery.

It was going to be my greatest step in the history of genetic engineering since my stupid attempt for creating the banapple fruit tree.

86.6. Family Honours

Of course, Gustavo and Helen wanted Tori to join Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts on site.

But did Gustavo have to suggest to fire Trina Vega in oprder to accept Tori?

Granted, the expulsion of Trina was by no means going to be any sort of loss for the school.

But now Tori felt hurt in her fanily honour.

And that could not go exacty well.

After all, Tori refused rigorously at anyt cost to join a school firing her elder sister in order to let her join.

That was pretty stupid.

Likewise, Kendall had corrupted himself by insisting in Gustavo stuffing Kendall's best friends into his band as well.

Helen and Gustavo yelled at each other.

They were really peers in that competition.

Finally, Gustavo decided to leave Trina at Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts. He wanted a singing duo consisting of Tori Vega and Kendall Knight.

Tori had to think about it.

Likewise, Kendall was not automatically willing to sing with others than his three best friends.

Was that turning out well?

Objectively, Tori and Kendall would have been one glorious couple, just like Sporks and Couleda.

Unfortunately, most people were too dumb to see that.

Chapter 87. Saving Logan Mitchell

87.1. Talking To Phoebe

As aforementioned, Cal had already met math genius Phoebe Nachee several times, just a few years ago. Of course Cal was a brilliant scientist, and he also knew his theory.

In order to understand the theoretical aspects of science, a ceratin amount of mathematics was indispensable.

Well, at Cal's level, it was certainly quite some significant amount.

Quantum mechanics, for example, was based on the thory of linear operators in so-called Hilbert spaces.

It was a very intriguing subject.

Certainly, no boy without a thorough interest in and understanding of this theoretical discpline would ever have wanted to dive into theoretical physics.

Likewise, Simon Nelson Cooke was certainly able to walk his way around in the realms of mathematics, inspite of making somewhat fun of it..

And his pal Albert Wormenheimer, more than anyone else, was a heavenly algebraic genius.

Dustin Brooks was not really bad, either, in his field, viz. differential geometry.

Granted, there were some fakes.

Fredward Benson was the best long divider of the whole west coast. But he was unable to understand abstract algebra.

I still remebered his brilliant deeds for the algebra team of Pacific Coast Academy.

Of course, those examples were not necessarily convincing for Phoebe, not more than all the examples of historical mathematicians.

And now I was meeting Phoebe Nachee.

Even for a national science fair winner, organising such an encounter was not really an easy thing.

I even assumed Phoebe to be phobic to scientists, and not only to boys.

Of course, "phoebe" is derived from the name of some Greek sun god, viz. Phoebos, and not from "phobia".

The pun sounded cool, anyways.

But Phoebe Nachee would not have been amused by it.

I was now talking to Nachee about the times of Firewire's objection to letting me join the science club. I also talked about the problems with the battle robot league.

This just made her furious.

Phoebe made the boys' lack of understanding of mathematics responsible for the errance of science. "Newton was incompetent. Otherwise he would not have come up with that hilarious failure of classical mechanics."

I sighed deeply.

Newton's mechanics was not a "hilarious failure". It was just supposed to be valid under Newton's assumptions, assumptions based on ordiinary observations.

Of course I could not prove any guesses about answers to questions like "What would Newton have den when knowing about linear operators in Hilbert spaces"?

Phoebe even seemed to know Fredward Benson and called him a typical example. "Boys boast with being good 'long dividers'. But they don't understand the abstract background of long division." And she made Freddie's incompetence responsible for the downfall of iCarly, one of the lamest web shows ever.


Well, I could not admit to knowing about the proper reasons.

Fredward was still happy as the fake Prince Gabriel.

And this secret was not to be reveiled.

Phoebe Nachee's criticism reminded me of a statement about T.A. Edison, made by Nikola Tesla.

Edison was known for his purely practical try and error approach, without the necessary planning and calculations.

I sighed deeply.

As a middle school girl, I had admired Thomas Edison.

But things had changed as a high school girl.

But Nikola Tesla had not approved of Phoebe Nachee's criticism, either. He mocked scientists resorting to overly tricky mathematics instead of observation of nature and technology.

Anyways, after hours of tough conversations, I had been able to talk Phoebe into talking to Logan Mitchell and testing him severely.

Of course she was convinced of Logan's impending total failure. She wanted to see him suffer, though.

87.2. Royce Bingham

Investigating the origins of Freddie Benson had become of a very high priority.

How was it possible for Marissa Benson to get at someone like that?

There must have been some sort of scandal in Spain or so, some fifteen tears ago.

In order to investigate, a very goot international agent was needed.

Fortunately, True Jackson knew someone of that dimension.

Royce Bingham[[190]] was a government spy and uncle of one of True's fellow people at her school.

I had never heard of him.

But Addie Singer knew and hated his "daughter" Maris Bingham, a mean lass of the same category as Logan Reese and his equally vile secret girlfriend Mercedes Griffin.

Was Maris really the daughter of Royce?

Royce had got sort of doubts about it.

Maris was dangerously blond, almost like Zoey.

Royce was dark haired.

There had never been any blonde in his family for over five generations.

And there was part of our deal.

Royce was going to investigate the spanish court in order to retruieve useful informations about the mysterious circumstances concerning the birth and "abduction" of Fredward Benson.

In turn, we kids of California had to test the DNA of his "daughter" Maris and compare it to his.

Maris was about graduating from no other than Eastridge.

We were deemed to be experts for this. due to our successful abduction of some samples of royal DNA.

At least Mr. Bingham did not wonder about our methods.

Honestly. I had not yet understood them.

87.3. Phoebe gives in.

My hours of talking to Phoebe Nachee had been successful.

The genius had not only submitted Logan Mitchell to some thorough test.

The nerd of Minnesota had mastered Phoebe's viciously planned gauntlet test with excellence.

And now Phoebe Nachee wanted to start dating him. She was totally overwhelmed by his thoroughg degree of understanding her works.

Today, Logan Mitchell was in heaven.

Phoebe even assumed a long term teaching contract at Eastridge in order to stay in the area of Los Angeles.

Of course, the school was still not open for boys.

Even visitors were frowned upon.

This stupid facts had to be changed.

The Pacific Coast Academy had been the last school just for boys in the county of Los Angeles. And it had gone coeducative like sicx years ago.

Eastridge should have gone the same way.

But that was not easy to achieve.

I had to talk to the boss of the school.

She was ceryainly as stubborn as Mr. Bradford.

Chapter 88. Bigfoot Mania

88.1. Ms. Bradford

Phoebe Nachee had told me about the owner of Pacific Coast Academy.

Much to my astonishment, it was one Ms. Bradford[[191]].

Of course, I had to think about Mr. Bradford, the very owner of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Was that an incident?

That was very hard to believe.

And I had to find out.

88.2. Sidney van Gurbin

iCarly was still on an idefinite hiatus, almost to the degree of being considered cancelled.

But still many viewers begged for seeing more.

This was quite some problem.

Any suspicious action would potentially blow the cover and thus be an imminent danger for Fredward's and Samantha's life in Madrid.

One of the viewers' requests had been really strange.

A certain Prof. Sidney van Gurbin[[192]] had recently written a book about fabulous bigfoot, viz. Bigfooot — True or Real?. And he wanted Carly to made some advertisements for this book.

Carly was a great fan of the bigfoot legend.

Fredward Benson and Samantha Puckett refused to believe in crypotozoological creatures.

Carly and Dustin would have liked to go to the forests in order to look for bigfoot.

Fortunately, Zoey Brooks was no longer around in order to torture Dustin with her protectivity.

Gordy and Coco had declared themselves ready to take along Carly and Dustin through the forests of Yosemite.

Gordy had got a new jeep from Joe Braxley, perfectly suited for the camping tour during spring break.

Of course I would have readily analysed any sample DNA of so-called Bigfoot.

Van Gurbin was not to be trusted.

Bigfoots would have been a very interesting life form.

But there were too many charlatans out their, all time up to using very mean tricks in order boost the sales of their books creepy books.

Of course this was not the only new book around.

Edmond Bigby's The Declassified School Survival Guide had finally found a real publisher, by the way.

And, even more, he was also adding a continuation, to be known as The Declassified High School Survival Guide.

It was of course based on Edmond Bigby's adventures at James K. Polk high school.

88.3. Maris Bingham

Maris had made it to Eastridge over three years ago, along with her two equally snobbish best friend Cranberry Sinclair and Patricia Perez. They could have been considered as "female Logan Reeses" trinity.

Maris was into the fashion and cosmetic business, like her mother. She had sometimes tries to get recognised as a fashion designer. Of course she could not hold the dimmest candle to Zoey Brooks, True Jackson, or even to Olivary Biallo. She just saw it as a way to stay very rich.

Cranberry Sinclair was already working as a supermodel. She had chosen an artist's name "Autumn Willams"[[193]] and worked for the agency of Maris's probably adulterous mom.

So, I was now supposed to scratch some DNA off her.

Needless to say, Malika Dooley and Matthew Palmer Noid were going to do that for me. They had done a great job involving the Spanish monarchs.

Adelaide Singer was going to distract Maris, Cranberry, and Patty in a provocational manner.

Unfortunately, James Diamond appeared very much interested in those three lasses, too, but for totally different reasons. He had a crush on all the three of them.

This sounded really scary.

James Diamond could really compete with Logan Reese in a competition for the greatest dandy of the Pacific coast. In any case, he wanted to look for a reason to sneak closer to the three snob girls.

Of course there was one big problem.

Boys were not even allowed as visitors to Eastridge.

This nwas really stupid.

But those were the rules.

This really neeeded to change.

James still remembered his best pal Logan's dismay upon getting kicked out of the sacred halls of Eastwood.

Carlos Garcia, one of James Diamonds' best friends, wanted to accompany him on his sneaking tour. He was really confusing.

Wearing his usual hockey helmet would have made him suspicious.

Thus he tried to enter with his head hidden under his top.

Alas, this was too easy to figure as well.

James and Carlos got rudely kicked out of the building and across the street.

As seen in the case of Logan Mirchell, this was just business as usual at Eastridge.

88.4. The Sibling Schools

A few minutes in the office of the headmaster's office at Eastridge had sufficed.

The secretaries seamed to be very chatty.

Ms. Bradford was the elder sister of Mr. Bradford, the owner of Pacific Coast Academy.

Also, it turned out valuable to take a look into old school year books and to compare.

There was some long account about the life and the times of the members of the Bradford clan.

Ms. Bradford had always treated her younger brother in an overprotective manner.

This reminded me so infinitely much of the story of Zoey and Dustin Brooks.

Sometimes, Dustin was really upset by feeling suffocated. On the other hand, he was now suffering badluy from her transfer to Europe.

Anyways, the Pacific Coast Academy would have turned coeducative much earlier on without that everlasting thoroughly twisted relationshiop of the Bradfords.

Dustin and Zoey could end up like this.

Or at least I feared so.

Was there a way to make Eastridge go coeducative atall?

88.5. The Charlatan

Carlos Garcia and James Diamond were still very much upset by their futile attempts of stalking the hottest girls of Eastridge.

But Carlos could at least report some interesting news.

My cousin Felix from nearby Lakewood school knowd van Gurbin.

Rather, his teacher, one Mr. Stockley, does.

In former times, van Gurbin and Stockley were secret yet successful monster hunters.

Then they turned too old for the business.

Van Gurbin had started to talk about his idea of publishing a book about all those monster hunts.

Alas. this was a dangerous enterprise.

The normal population was not supposed to know about monsters and monster hunters.

Carlos did not exactly understand his nerdy cousin's words.

I had got more luck, of course, knowing very well about Felix's intellectual idioms.

In any case, van Gurbin was now one of the biggest renegfates and critis of Mr. Stockley's organisation. He was writing books just in order to subvert their activities.

I had to warn Carly and Dustin in order to prevent them from falling for van Gurbin's vile plots.

Still interested in bigfoot, they should rather try to join the organisation of Felix and instead of cheering for a charlatan.

But would Carly and Dustin listen?

Chapter 89. Blond Poison

89.1. Eastridge goes coeducative.

Of course a little student teacher like me was not necessarily welcomed in an audience with the very owner of the school, viz. Ms. Bradford.

There had to be another way to talk the grumpy old wench into allowing people like James Diamond to visit the campus of Eastridge at least as visitors, if not opening the whole school for both genders.

Fortunately, Mrs. Park-Taylor, the wife of the dean of Pacific Coast Academy, declared herself up to talking some sense into the old creep.

And the whole venture was even successful.

According to Ms. Bradford, one school run by the Bradfords would suffice.

In other worde, Eastridge and Pacific Coast Academy were going to be fused into one academy.

The era of gender discrimination at the prep school of Los Angeles county was thus about coming to an end, like a long day awaiting the fall of night.

This also ended decades of troubles between the Bradford siblings.

Zoey and Dustin would have most likely faced a similar family story.

When writing myt work about the stupid mutual dependence of Dusstin and Zoey, I had often fancied their old age.

That was very creepy.

And it was excatly like that of the Bradfords.

OK, time was now near to show Ashley Gonzalez the result of my work about the social interaction of Zoey and Dustin Brooks.

She had believed in my lack of abilities to write about stuff like that.

But I had never given up.

89.2. Genetic Test

Doc Hollywood had done the dirty part of the genetic comparison.

The result justified the suspicious attitude of Royce Bingham.

The international governmental spy was by no means the father of the spoiled blonde beast.

OH, our mission seemed to be complete.

But there was something scary.

Maris Bingham possessed a very rare genetic element in her DNA.

As well known, I had maintained a largwe DNA database of the students of Pacific Coast Academy while being there, especially those of my year.

And some rare genetic constellation were very striking.

I had been able to remember them for ages.

And the genetic constellation of Maris Bingham was not unbeknownst to me.

There were some bearers of the same here at Pacific Coast Academy.

And this rare breed consisted precisely of: Zoey Brooks and Dustin Brooks!

Were they by whatever strectch related to Maris Bingham?

I did not arrive that fast at a clear decision.

But it was well possible.

I had already completed my studies about Zoey and Dustin.

But with some bad luck, this discovery was just the sunset right before a night of storms and turmoil.

I better kept the information secret from Dustin and Zoey, at least for the time being.

Unfortunately, even a creepy brat like Maris Bingham was entitled to know about her mother's aultery.

What was her reaction going to be?

Maybe she would not even care, given her "Logan like" arrogance. But maybe she would want to know about her biological father.

89.3. Fredward's Birth

Royce Bingham felt somewhat relieved. He was glad about not having accused his wife for naught. Now he came to his part of the deal.

The secret acts about the birth of no other than the royal twins of the Spanish court were not exactly easy to get at.

But Bingham had found out the responsible court medic, an American doc with a wife from Venezuela.

It was a certain Dr. Dresdin[[194]].

The name did not tell me all that much.

Maybe asking Doc Hollywood was in order.

My medic mentor was acquainted with many of his colleagues from all over the world, especially those of the twilight zone, kind of, sort of.

Of course, Royce Bingham had got more to say about the whole case.

The court medic worked together with an American midwife, known as M. Benson.

I gasped.

Was that already the long sought connection?

Marissa Benson had been the widwife assisting in the birth of Prince Gabriel and officially stillborn Prince Fredrick Edward. She must have abducted the prince with the help of Doc Dresdin.

Now Freddie's rare first name made a lot of sense. It was the contraction of Fredrick and Edward. It was sort of a tribute to his British godparents.

So, officially, Prince Fredrick Edward was stillborn. But he felt now alive and well with his fiancé, the princess of Carabas.

And there was some minor detail to report.

Freddie was the elder of the twins. He was born seven minutes before Prince Gabriel. And by the usual law, he was the rightful first choice as the heir of the throne.

Sam, of course, was still only a princess in her dreams.

This was not my business any longer.

Prince Gabriel and Melanie decided to be able to manage it on their own.

89.4. Sunset Studio

Gustao Rocque and Helen Baxter had finally achieved trusting in each other's massive competences.

This was really in order.

Otherwise, Hollywood Arts would have gone crazy.

And that would have been an utter oity.

With Victoria Vega and Kendall Knight, the school had got a great pop star duet, named Kendoria, the greatest in decades.

Big Time Rush was now history, bound for getting buried in the past forever.

And Gustavo wanted a show on its own for Kendoria.

But a suitable studio was needed.

And with the support of Helen Baxter, Gustavo was able to purchase and manage afirementioned Sunset.

This was the start of a new career.

Logan Mitchell could finally forget about Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts, alias School of Rocque, and move on to more suitable Pacific Coast Academy.

The latter would thenceforth be renamed to Bradford Academy.

James Diamond could be happy, too. He was now ablew tom visit his crush triplet, viz. Maris Bingham, Cranberry Sinclair, and Patricia Perez, any time.

Carlos Garcia wouuld return to Palmwood.

Camille was in a stinky mood because of having lost Logan Mitchell.

Now it was time for matching her with aforementioned Beck Oliver.

At the same time, Helen and Gustava started thinking about producing iCarly.

There would no longer be any need for Fredward Benson alias the next king of Spoin.

89.5. Cal's Next Visit

The same day, I received a new message from Cal.

He was going to drop in for a visit by the end ofg the month, complete with some very important news.

I could not fancy those news, as of yet.

Chapter 90. Sabotage

90.1. The Power Transformer

My victory in the national science fair, side by side with Melinda Crenshaw, had been three years ago.

That was a terribly longtime.

I had been so close to public embarrassment because of a defect module.

According to Mr. Jamerson, I would even have been suggested for the Nobel Prize in the case of a successful public demonstration.

For several years I had remained clueless about the reasons for the awry module.

The intervention of Officer Vega in order to make an end to the abusive regime of Dean Rivers and his league of evil principals had prevented me from immediate public embarrassment.

The demo had been forgotten ever since.

But Cal has not given up. He wanted my project submitted to the committee for the Nobel Prizes. And he had finaly come to a result.

The corrosion of the aforementioned module of my universal power transformer had not been an accident.

Someone must have touched and manipulated it.

But who had been up to doing so?

Mindy suggested, "either Drake Parker or Logan Reese."

That sounded cool.

Either of them were big jerks with no love for the progress of science and technology.

Logan Reese was potentially able to abuse the knowledge of his grandfather.

Drake Parker was not unlikely to incite Josh Nichols into doing the whole unholy crap.

We needed to continue our investigations.

Claire Sawyer was already looking forward to help us sue the jerks for the evil sabotage.

I was rather thinking about getting the whole thing repaired and making it more robust.

According to Cal, the invention was as close as possible to Nikola Tesla's plan of preparing satellites for collecting cosmic radiation from outer space and making it useful for energy here on earth.

For Nevel Papperman, this was another stigma of my identity as the reincarnation of Nikola Tesla.

In any case, I was allowed to give a public demonstration of the power transformer once more right on the campus of the secret headquarters of the NASA.

90.2. Heat Wave

My first academic year as a regular student at Caltech was now more or less finished.

As expected, I had not learnt anything new there.

It was totally boring.

Cal had guessed this in advance. "You are way ahead of your time."

The red hot southern Californian sun was now searing mercilessly the area of Los Angeles.

It was the time for many a party.

I still remembered the first beach parties at Pacific Coast Academy.

Acoording to the weather reporters, the following days were going to be extremely hot, even for our standards.

And I was not referring to the weather forecasts of aforementioned Walter Nichols, the worst of all weather prophets.

Even Bruce Windchill was predicting a few days of excessive scorching and searing.

Even Seattle was expected to choke from the warm air.

Unconditioned rooms in public buildings could easily turn into death traps.

Almost all of the kids from almost all of the schools and colleges in Los Angeles, such as Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts or Palmwood, were fleeing out to the beach in order to hope for some refreshing breeze wallowing in from the mighty Pacific.

But this was just a vague hope.

The roads to the beach sites were jammed to no end.

And being stuck in a traffic jam in the midst of a heat wave was about as terrible as being stuck in a building.

So, now I was strolling Venice Beach along with Mindy Crenshaw and a few other geeks.

The parking sites were chock full.

It was close to impossible to find a parking site.

The vehicles were touching each other.

I was discussing Vitali's covering lemma with Mindy.

This was a statement about the existence of tight coverings of measurable sets with disjoint balls.

Some of the refugees from the murderous heat of the city had even made it heere with a caravan, ready to spend a whole weekend or more out on this beach.

Unfortunately, touching vehicles made it impossible to open the doors and to walk out.

This was especially a problem for people being locked in one of those caravans with modern windows.

And there was already such a blocked caravan. And it was not just your average caravan, but that of Beck Oliver, the teenage Hollywood actor.

I remembered my mission of making Beck trash Jade and take a chance on Camille instead.

But in order to let him survive, it was necessary to get him out of the van.

Jade West was stuck inside along with him.

They were probably up to committing some excessively perverse stuff and not noticing the danger of the heat.

According to rumours, Jade West was unable to sweat.

Was there a genetic reason for that?

Maybe she did not have many sweat glands, just like dogs.

This sounded very interesting.

Maybe I had to investigate?

But before that, we had to get them out of the caravan.

MIndy had once transported a car of excruciatingly evil teacher Mrs. Heyfer into a classroom. She came up with a plan to remocve the touvching car from the entrance door.

Or we could just look for the owners.

But Mindy's idea was more fun.

Unfortunately, the owners of the car showed up right now and decided to move it away, the oldfashioned manner.

Now we just had to find the best way to tell Beck and Jade about it, studying the accoustics of the caravan. Or we could try to open the van from the outside.

Too bad the latter appeared much easier.

Finally, Beck and Jade were free.

Beck thanked us.

But Jade appear3ed to be angry and disturbed. She was even sweating, but to a degree much lower than Beck or pretty much everyone.

A star was tattooed onto her arm.

Malika had seen that already during one of her attempts of tryin to figure Jade's true intentions concerning her hated but fiercely guarded Beck. She recognised it as the "Seal of Solomon", a magical symbol used for controlling the demons.

Jade told us rudely to refrain from touching it.

Maybe Malika knew why.

But it was not our business, anyways.

We could not do anything any longer here. Thgus we got away as soon as possible.

Jade West was unbearable as usual.

According to Bruce Windchill, the heat wave was soon coming to an end, leading to some rain storm.

But Beck preferred to believe in Walter Nichols's forecast.

Some people never learn.

Chapter 91. Quinnteligence

91.1. Scattering

Many expected changes were awaiting us during this year.

A very interesting mix of people had graduated this year from the high schools of Los Angeles.

Olivary Biallo alias Jerry Crony was about joining Zoey Brooks to London.

Adelaide Singer would make it to the Broadway, thus effectively following the foot steps of Chase Bartholomew Matthews.

Maris Bingham, Patricia Perez, and Cranberry Sinclair were graduating from Eastridge. They were among the last graduates of that school and felt particularly honoured, to the extent of boasting insanely. But they had not done anything to get Ms. Bradford to give in. They were bound for the supermodel business, just like their boyfriend James Diamond.

Edmond Bigby was graduating from James K. Polk. Now he was able to start publishing his high school survival guide.

But some kids were also coming to Caltech.

This was the case especially for Simon Nelson Cook, Albert Wormenheimer, Lance Widget, and Evelyn Kwong.

They were very smart and a great addition to Caltech.

One could even call them "quinntelligent", viz. five times as intelligent as the ignoble rest of the mankind.

Now we still needed Logan Mitchell.

But the genius from Minnesota still had got two long years to go.

According to Cal, there had never been a geater accumulation of genius at Caltech than right now.

91.2. End Of The Summer

After having completed my demosntration for the NASA, I had done a lot of work for my company, viz. Quinntech, during the summer camp. I was still not the CEO or anything like that.

But this was not much of a problem.

The company was by now almost exclusively marketing my own inventions or at least improvements. It was completely living from my immense knowledge.

This had been the reason for the name change in thge first place

The office machines were now already sold to others than principals of educational institutions.

"Jet-X" was now available in Europe and Australia as well.

My noise free leaf blower was also sold in Australia.

Unfortunately, my energy drink was now declared illegal by the International Olympic Committee.

Well, there were stupid creeps opposed to proper progress everywhere in the world.

Logan Reese was just one of many, thoroughly worthy of any ignoble prize.

Already good old Nikola Tesla, a man with a knowledge way ahead of his ungrateful times, had to face the opposition of many a dumb and ignorant committee.

But now it was time to return to my campus.

I was even allowed to share a room with Mindy Crenshaw.

That was going to be totally cool.

We would certainly complete the project concerning the cactus of Guadalapecho.

Likewise, the invention of the J-mate, the cross of the Japanese J-phone and the tek-mate, was only a matter of months away.

We had found some cheaper substitute for the rare materials needed for its production, using our knowledge about biochemistry.

91.3. Restart Of iCarly

The problems of the web show were now resolved.

Fredward Benson was officially recognised as the heir of the Spanish throne, side by side with "Princess" Puckett.

Marissa Benson had been arrested and thrown into the dungeons of Madrid for having abducted and abused Prince Fredward for many a year. Many years ago, she had made Dr. Dresdin install a GPS module in Fredward's brain in order to be able to control him better.

Doc Hollywood was going to fly to Madrid in order to relive Prince Fredrick Edward from his cerebral pains.

Dr. Dresdin had apparently abused his knowledge shamelessly in order to make more money. And now he was still wanted. He had probably made it once more to Venezuela.

Prince Gabriel was allowed to stay at Pacific Coast Academy, along with his fiancé Melanie Puckett.

Logan Mitchell was the new technical producer of the show. Unlike Freddie, he was not really an applied technologist, more of a theoretician, but he was able to learn about media technology and acquire the knowledge necessary for the technical production of the show really fast.

The list of things to do had been growing rapidly suince the aforementioned downfall of the web show.

For example, the web show was going to obtain its own panel at the next webicon.

Mr. Blanton, the billionary selluing space vacations, wanted to send the show into the orbit.

Carly Shay un derstood this as a great honour. But she would have to go through some tests before getting allowed to the space ship.

Honestly, I did not yet trust Mr. Blanton.

Cal had already noticed a few strange things when using his knowledge in order to improve his space vacation program.

But that was a different chapter.

After the wonderful music video with David R. Couleda and Fredrick Ficklehorn, former pop idol Ginger Fox[[195]] , currently in a deep crisis, wanted a music video in order to make a great comeback.

In addirtion, Carly had been chosen by Malcolm Reese for the great Christmas Special, a sghow sent life at Christmas eve.[[196]]

Unfortunately, Carly did not even have the time for all that. But she could not talk about that too much and too openly in the public.

Dustin's and her own work for the organisation of Mr. Stockley required a lot of concentration and time.

There were so many different sorts of monsters.

But Carly and Dustin were not dumb, unlike Logan Reese of Trina Vega, and thus most certainly able to increase their knowledge about all sorts of cryptic creatures pretty fast.

THere were also a few new collaborators to get acquainted with.

For example, there was Jake Collins, a nephiew of Ms. Collins. He was a bit goofy like Chase and appeared to have a similarly silly crush on Mary Sue Hayley Steele, another member of the monster hunter team.

The story of Chase and Zoey would apparently never grow old.

Whatever, Carly did not have to care about it.

And I had got better things to do than worrying about their web show.

Chapter 92. Space Scam

92.1. Mr. Blanton

The space vacation program seemed to come closer and closer.

But there was a competing team for them, viz, three kids from a fitness web show.

And only one of them could make it into the orbit.

Thus there was some kind of sort of a test.

The test apparatus was very similar to the one invented by Cal for the NASA and used by myself in order to try to remove Michael Barret's fear of rollercoasters.

Really, it had been sponsored by Mr. Blanton.

The space shuttle was planned for three people.

And there was one big problem.

The team of the show had varied a lot during the last five years.

The show had started out with Chase Bartholomew Matthews and with Michael Barret only.

Later, Carly Shay had taken over the lead moderation.

And Fredward Benson had been added as a texchnical producer.

Carly had not really been able to do without Sam Pucket, though.

Then Chase and Michael had graduated.

Now Carly. Sam, and Freddie had been the show.

But Freddie and Sam had disappeared to Spain.

Gabriel and Melanie had been too feeble a replacement.

Now Logan Mitchell had joined them for the purpose of the technical production. He was not yet very well known.

So there was some sort of a choice to be made.

For the better or worse, Michael Barret dropped out pretty fast. He wpuld have found the time to make it into the space.

The presence in a satellite would have been some great publicity for his employer.

But time was noi the problem.

Of course, the phobia of space ships was just the logical continuation of Michael's fear of roller coasters.

Michael may have partly been over that phobia. But he still remembered being tied to the astronautic training machine.

This had been no pleasure.

Michael had run away.

And the same mechanism was planned to be employed again.

Now, that was really too much.

The choice was thus down to one canditate less.

Carly wanted the current team to grow closer together by means of this project. Thus she suggested to give the highest priority to Logan Mitchell and to Melanie Puckett.

Alas, Mr. Blanton's reaction to this selection was strange. He had not known about the recent changes of the team. He had always been convinced of Freddie and Sam being responsible. He was not able to tell Sam from Melanie and Gabriel from Freddie. But he insisted in Freddie as the responsible technical producer. He had planned everything for Freddie's sake.

Now, that was definitely strange.

Freddie was a perfect media engineer. But he was no more experienced with space technology than Logan Mitchell.

That was totally strange.

Freddie would certainly have had some troubles during the tests, though.

92.2. Cal's Reply

I started asking Cal about the strange reaction of Blanton towards Car;y Shay's decision to take Logan to the tests for the space trip. "Does he know Logan Mitchell, or is he positively interested in Freddie for one reason or the other?" I almost supposed Blanton to be in the same gang as Marissa Benson.

But that was a very stupid idea.

Cal replied, "well, I did mention Logan Mitchell, recommending him strong;y for one of the next internships at the NASA."

OK, Logan Mitchell had certainly deserved such a praise and a chance to make it up to there.

But why was that a reason to exclude Logan?

Maybe the guy was too smart?

Did that mean something like, "Fredward Bensin is a harmless fool. Thus he may come with you."

Cal choked. "That could be a reason." He preomised to go through the NASA's folders about the project of Mr. Blanton.

There was something fishy.

92.3. The Fraud

The next day, Cal called me with a very important message.

I've studied the contracts between the NASA and Blanton's enterprises.

They are secret.

I had to fight my way into it.

As a fact, the servises by the NASA were never sufficient for space vacations.

Either Blanton had got the necessary supplies from elsewhere, violating thusly the monoplicity of the NASA.

Or there are no such things as space vacartions , period.

OK several people had been sent on space vacations.

But those occurred here on planet earth.

The whole project is just an illusion.

I summed it up: "The customers of Mr. Blanons had to pay gazillions for a faked trip into the orbit?"

Cal confirmed this. "Either this or the other alternative." He still had to check the activities up in the orbiit, as administered and monitored by the control centre of the NASA.

This was hard to swallow.

Cal would also have to check the Russian and the western Ruropean spatial research centres.

But they were all connected and coordinated to some reliable degree by now.

92.4. The Cheated

A few further checks and tests confirmed our suspicious moments.

The space vacations were nothing but a hi tech illusion.

Several customers of Mr. Blanton had been cheated, amounting to gazillions of bucks.

There was a list of victims of his fraud.

One of those was Mr. Max Madigan, aforementioned fashion csar from Mad Style.

A Russian oil csar living in London had been cheated, too.

I was up to telling Zoey about that,

She was closer to that guy.

Or so I hoped.

Potential customers included also Malcolm Reese and the King of Spain. Maybe they had already paid part of the agreed price.

92.5. Consternation

Needless to say, the public reaction was disastrous.

The customer wanted of course their money back.

Claire Sawyer, future lawyer, was going to represent them in frontof the court.

Also Carly was shocked. She had almost fallen for the same fraud and even helped the creep poromoting his corrupt business.

With his keen eyes of a scientific observer, Logan Mitchell would have seen through the fake.

This was Blanton's reason for not wanting him among the web cast "in the orbit".

Now we better got our mind off the creep.

There were more important things a head.

Logan Mitchell was going to laser the eyes of Malcolm Reese during the next week, side by side with doc Hollywood.

Maybe after the surgery, the csar of Hollywoould would be able to see the fraud in offers like those of Mr. Blanton in time.

Chapter 93. The Blowing

93.1. Short Movies

Kelly Cooper had been one of the first real action short movies shown at the web show by Chase, Michael, Carly, and Freddie. By now, it had become somewhat infamous due to the association with my energy drink and the doped basketball team of Pacific Coast Academy.

This was really sad.

The movie would have thoroughly deserved a second chance in the official Hollywood program.

Of course, the failed guest appearance at the studio of TVS owned by lame producer Brad Eichman had not helped much to make Carly more accepted among the leading elite of Hollywood, either.

Due to the insane efforts of Claire Sawyer, Carly Shay had finally sued Dingo successfully for their repeated and never regretted plagiarism. She had thenceforth been reimbursed by the creeps of Brad Eichman with some million bucks.

This was fortunately a turning point for Kelly Cooper.

Malcolm Reese had just decided to make a full length Hollywood movie from Kelly Cooper — A Terrible Movie.

The revelation of Mr. Blanton as a charlatan with the help of Carly's team had effected a lot , too, given Malcolm Reese's property as a victim of Mr. Blanton.

This time, Carly was even offered some prior payment. She had even hired an agent for that sort of business.

Tween girl Katie Knight, the little sister of aforementioned pop and rock superstar Kendall Knight, had opened her own agency for supermodels and other stars.

Claire Sawyer was taking care of the legal stufff and worked on the necessary contracts.

The upcoming move of Kelly Cooper to the real cinemas was of course a motivation for making more high quality short movies.

There had been some projects on hiatus due to the suspension of iCarly after the swapping of Fredward Benson, alias Prince Fredrick Edward, and Prince Gabriel.

But now this was the ideal moment in time for resuming the frozen activities.

Before the breakdown, two teenage commedians named David Charm and Fleck Trey[[197]] had requested their colaboration with the team of iCarly.

It was not easy to continue with that.

Dave and Fleck had lived apart. No, they were even at each other's throat.

In other words, Carly Shay had to work on reconciling them.

This was by no means an easy task.

93.2. Meteorology

Dave Charm's original idea for the short movie had been one of an impending meteorological catastrophe.

More precisely, it was about an upcoming gale of hitherto unbeknownst power.

The name of the storm and thence that of the whole movie was The Blowing.

Carly didn';t mind any meteorological mistakes.

But Logan Mitchell, unlike much less gifted Fredward Benson, was one heck of pedantic.

There were some mistakes about the generation of whirlwinds included in the script of the movie.

Logan insisted in correcting them and adding some informations based on modern methods of weather prediction.

In his time at the NASA, Cal had already worked on weather satellites.

This should somehow be covered by the mobvie.

In addition, Carly wanted a real weather frog to guest star and announce "the blowing".

I suggested Bruce Windchill.

His hair cut is a whole lot better.

And his weather forecasts are much more reliable than those of Walter Nichols.

Unfortunately, the step father of Drake Parker was still excessively popular at Pacific Coast Academy, his fatal mistakes notwithstanding.

The students had somewhat forgiven the catastrophical rain storm haunting us almost four years ago, coinciding with the death of Chase's grandmother.

Thus, against my better judgment, Carly Shay insisted in Walter as the guy making the fatal forecast.

Of course, as beknownst to everyone, a real tempest like "the blowing" would only happen upon one of Walter Nichols's forecasts of wonderful weather.

But bear with it.

This was a movie.

And Carly liked Walter and Josh.

93.3. The Cast Of Kelly Cooper

The Blowing was the future of Hollywood.

But the present was Kelly Cooper.

And the perfect Hollywood movie needed perfect actors and actresses.

Thus Malcolm Reese had gathered the elite of Hollywood's teenage actors and actresses for the auditionings.

The list included Lola Martinez, Ashley Blake, Camille, Beck Oliver, Jett Stetson, Spencer Carter, and many many more.

Some ungifted yet interested actresses and actors showed up as well.

Of course Malcolm needed also some backup actors.

Thus they were not exactly unwelcome. Buy they could be a bit annoying.

Trina Vega was one of those annoyances. She claimed to be naturallyt best suited for the star rôle. Last year, she had performed a very good — for Trina's abilities — one man musical at Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts, known as iCago.

But The Life And The Times Of Kelly Cooper, as planned by Malcolm Reese, was quite a few steps up from there.

I definitely hoped for Beck Oliver and Camille to land the main rôles.

Jade had still not given up on him.

And her true intentions concerning him were unknown.

But Malika Dooley was now sneaking into the mass of interested actresses in order to find out.

Jade was of course there in order to watch Beck jealously.

This would allow Malika to read Jade's thoughts.

93.4. Guadalapecho

Finally, my research on the cactus from Guadalapecho was completed, after like four years of intensive research.

Now it was time to make the first delicious yet not completely addictive moon bars.

Mr. Savage was totally keen on them.

Maybe the first publically available edition would be scheduled for the Christmas market, complete with cinnamon, anise, and cardamon.

Ultrasensitive Nevel was able to smell those for miles.

I hoped for the recipe not to cause as much troubles as my "Frazz", but to become widely popular, anyways.

But the answer to my expectations was still blowing in the wind.

Chapter 94. Penny Tees

94.1. Socko, Tyler, and Penny

Spencer Shay had got a strange taste for clothes. He liked them funky and multi coloured.

This was especially valid for his socka, his ties, and his tops.

He always used to make some imaginary friends responsible for them.

His multicoloured socks had been provided by one "Socko".

His equally flashy ties had been made available unto Spencer Shay by a certain"Tyler", the brother of "Socko".

"Tyler" and "Socko" had got a sister named "Penny", responsible for Spencer Shay's penny tees.

Of course, the multicoloured socks had been invented by Zoey Brooks.

I had added the illumination, first applied to my pair of pyjamas.

One of Spencer's anonymous friends must have found it on the interweb and then started the whole hype.

All of those fanciful clothes were displayed in the web show during the two years of Carly at the commander's bridge of the show.

And last week, Carly offered some of the old requisits of the show for sale.

There had been many requests.

The most popular article had been precisely the "penny tees".

Carly asked Spencer for more of them.

But all of a sudden, said "Penny" seems to have dissolved magically into thin air.


Malika Dooley would have been offended by this.

Well, there were no other tees.

Granted, Zoey Brooks and Olivary Biallo might have made more of them. But they were still in London.

And this was so far, far away.

We needed to satisfy the fans of the show here in America, and not somewhere high up in the clouds or across the mighty Atlantic.

But there was another alternative.

I was not thinking about Maris Bingham, a decent buy way suboptinal fashion designer. I definitely wanted to avoid her.

Geena Fabiano, aforementioned best friend forever of Adelaide Singer, was another gifted fashion designer. But she had apparently disappeared from the face of this planet two years ago.

Adelaide and Zachariah were still clueless concerning Geena Fabiano's whereabouts.

Fortunately there was one other chance.

Max Madigan owed us something for having reveiled the lies of Mr. Blanton.

Claire Sawyer had successfully requested a gazillion of refunds for the fake vacations in the orbit.

And Mad Style was most definitely able to make any more penny tees for our show.

True Jackson insisted even on working for this goal in person.

Spencer Shay was now truly embarrassed.

94.2. Sofia Michelle

Last year, Helen Baxter and Gustavo Rocque had supervised the performance of a famous musical from the Broadway, viz. Uptown Downtown, viz. Uptown Downtown by Sofia Michelle[[198]].

This was absolutely not unusual at Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.

But the presence of Sofia Michelle had made it a really important event.

There was a great hostility between Hollywood and the Broadway.

Some people, such as Malcolm Reese, actually called it a war.

Sofia Michelle was by the way the boss of Chase Bartholomew Matthews since his graduation from Pacific Coast Academy and his start as a trainee playwright at Hollywood. She was very proud of having lured away a potential top playwritght from Los Angeles to New York City.

This attitude had made Helen avoid Sofia Michelle.

The play and its performence in front of the eyes of the fabulous playwright from the arch enemy across the country had been arranged by Principal Eichman.

Neither Helen not Gustavo had been keen on that choice. They had just not been able to stop it.

This was due to certain sponsors' interests.

Mr. Griffin had helped financing the school, but he had got business partners at the East coast and was by absolutely no means willing to lose them.

Uninviting Sofia Michelle would have been like an affront againt those indirect sponsors.

The main song had been sung by no other than Victoria Vega.

Of course there was no other person more suited for that rôle.

Kendall Knight was actingas the male main person and the love interest of Tori's rôle, after a struggle with some rich arrogant bastard rival.

Sofia Michelle must most definitely have thought of Logan Reese when writing the play.

There was no way around this conclusion.

Tori's rôle was torn between the two men for quite a while.

But, all of a sudden, her choice had become totally clear.

Kendall's rôle had been turning out as teh right one.

I hoped for Beck to think the same way about Camille and consequently trash Jade for her sake.

Malika had read Jade's thoughts about Beck when pretending to try out for the rôle of Kelly Cooper. But she had been shocked too much by the outcome of her onslaught to be able to talk about it.

Thus I was still somewhat left in the dark.

This year, Sofia Michelle was back in Los Angeles. She wanted precisely to see the start of the production of Kelly Cooper.

There was a simple reason for this.

Her trainee Chase Matthews was the playwright begind that short movie. He had written the play before getting hired by the Broadway.

But the production of the full length movie started only way after the start of Chase's training time in New York City.

Thus the sponsors and the exectutive staff of the Broadway had to be asked for their permission.

Cal had recently faced a similar problem with one of his inventions from the time before joining the NASA.

Needless to say, this clash between the interests of Sofia Michelle and Malcolm Reese used to call for quite some trouble between the two colosses of modern entertainment.

Max Madigan was accompanying Sofia Michelle to California. He was one of the most important sponsors of the Broadway. He owned eighty percents of the rights on the works of Chase Bartholomew Matthews, quite some lump.

Chase was too busy in the city of the most busy city of the whole east coast.

Sofia had got an advising rôle.

Max was the real responsible. He still thought to owe us a lot.

Sofia was not willing to give in, just because of the Blanton stuff. Thus she tried hard for hours to dissuade Max from signing away the rights.

This was a bit annoying.

Max decided to postpone his deinitive decision until his return to New York City. He had got the money, but he was not willing to upset the greatest playwright in the history of post Vietnam Broadway. He was really floundering.

Would his choice become all of a sudden as clear as a crystal?

Would maybe even Sofia Michelle change her mind like an exploding bar of dynamite?

I did not know.

Chapter 95. Fan Wars

95.1. The Webicon

Inspite of having lived in Los Angeles for over three years buy now, Carly Shay was still most popular in Seattle in the state of Washington.

And just a few days from now, there was a great event for web shows, named Webicon, in Olympia, the capital of the state of Washington.

Carly's web show was invited. It was also going to receive a panel on its own.

Carly gladly accepted the offer. She had been unable to follow the corresponding invitation of the previous year.

The precious event had occured during the downtime of iCarly, i.e. after the departure of Fredward Benson and Samantha Puckett to Madrid.

The whole creepy affair was now no longer an issue.

Carly was already looking forward to the event. She would even see Spencer at the webicon.

The very reason for Spencer's presence was not yet known unto me, though.

Again, there was a choice to be made.

Only three members of the web cast could officially appear at the webicon and its panel reserved for the iCarly Show.

Logan Mitchel and Melanie Puckett were finally chosen.

Carly was a bit sad about the absence of Chase, Michael, Prince Gabriel, Freddie, and Sam.

But it had to be.

At the webicon, the stars were supposed to listen carefully to the questions and the suggestions of their viewers, or fans, aficionados, whatever, and to deliver carefully pondered replies.

95.2. The Mad Decision

There was still one day left until the departure of the trio representing the iCarly Show for Olympia.

The kids were already totally excited.

And in this moment, a message from new York City arrived.

Maximilian Madigan had made up his mind. He was going to give Hollywood the permission to produce The Life And The Times Of Kelly Cooper.

After having listened to the taped auditions over and over again, even Sofia Michelle had changed her originally absolutely stubborn attitude and thence even advised Max to give his permission.

But The Blowing would be totally in the hands of the regents of the Broadway.

Thus the Hollywood divas would not get to perform in it.

However, Sofia Michelle might be inclined to let it be performed at Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts for educational purposes, just like Uptown Downtown.

Sofia Michelle was apparently very interested in luring Tori Vega over to New York City. But she did not say so.

Malika sensed it paranormally. Oh yeah, she had also figured Jade's real thoughts about Beck.

Jade hated shallow life lovers like Beck to no end. She felt the need to destroy him in the right moment, probably the point of Beck's first Oscar or otherwise acknowledged trophy of renown, laurelling as an outstanding actor.

What exactly was meant by Jade's usage of the word "destroying"?

Malika had not been able to concentrate. Really, she had been shocked beyond reason.

How much did the details matter anyways.

Jade West was no good for Beck Oliver.

The future winner of multiple Oscar awards for the absolutely best male rôle was now better going to get away from Jade and look for a more suited girl, especially Camille.

Alas, lovers were usually nowhere near willing to listen to any warnings of wise people. They preferred marching straight into their misfortune instead.

95.3. Stume Fest

The "Webicon" was not only going to represent a whole range of web shows, but also online rôle playing games.

Cal had once been a cool medieval rpg freak. But he was now over it. He had not had that much time to waste.

One of the most popular ones was World Of Warlords[[199]] .

Many participants were absolutely interested in it.

There was a special topic for the presentation of the game.

The established participants had been told to appear in costumes representing their respective rôle play character.

And Spencer Shay was one of the players, known as "Aruthro of The Huebscher Fnort".

The name sounded ugly, and it contained the name of Carly's ex-boyfriend Benjamin Huebscher.

That was so mean.

How could Spencer dare to do that to Carly?

His character was very powerful.

Only one character was on a par with him, a certain Asparthamay of the Pernicious Berm.

The best costune would be honoured with a price.

In any case, Wayne Gilbert was equally addicted to Word Of Warlords. He wanted to participate in said stume fest, too. He even dared to ask Mad Style for making him a costume for his character.

But the reply was disappointing.

Mitchell Kwest[[200]] was a employee of Mad Style, but he had been a teacher at James K. Polk Middle School and adviser of their club for rôle playing. He would not have known about the stume fest without Wayne's request. But now, after listening carefully to Wayne's qords. he was hell bent on participating. And he would of course gladly use the facilities of his compamy in order to show up with the best costume ever at any stume fest.

95.4. Creddie Freaks

I was bit at the webicon. But I was watching ebery now and then live pictures on the web site of the event.

The whole meeting appeared poorly organized.

The news about Freddie and Sam being now one happy couple in Spain was very bad news for many of the fans, viz. the so called "Creddiers".

Stacey Dillsen, Eric Blonowitz, and Craig Ramirez were among them. They asked Carly in her provocating many about having broken Freddie's heart and sent him away with Sam. And they would most likely have killed Dustin, Carly's fiancé, in the case of showing up at the "Webicon".

Fortunately, Zoey's little brother was safely watching from his foyer at Pacific Coast Academy, along with other fans of the show.

Carly tried hard to calm down the mob. But she was too feeble.

Fanatic viewers were unlikely to listen to any reasonable word.

Oh, the stume fest was safely won by Mr. Kwest, outfitted by some Amanda Cantwell, a very arrogant designer working for Mad Style.

Carly returned from the event, totally exhausted, and swore to never make it there again.

Chapter 96. Wishing Well

96.1. Jade West's Play

Of course, Chase Bartholomew Matthews was by no means the one and only playwright around.

Jade West was another writer of great plays, albeit of the much darker sort than Chase's usual boring fluff stuff reflecting his own stupid crushes..

And one of her first works was now ready and awaiting performance.

Helen Baxter had offered a test performance at Hollywood School for the Professional Performance Arts.

In the case of a great outcome, Jade would even be forgiven for the fraudulent crime of the ping pong team and readmitted to her school.

Unfortunately, Jade's absolutely perverted father was not a fan of theatre in general. He doubted Jade's works to be any useful.

Now Jade had to show him.

The play would be known as Wishing Well[[201]] .

Jade's henchwoman Caitlyn Valentine was going to be the star of the play.

The play was about a nice yet naïve girl stuck at the bottom of her well. She was mourning too much about her situation and was finally going to drown in her tears.

The girl's father, portrayed by some Brad Krouse[[202]] , was only coming to see her dying.

Caitlyn was going to be pardoned as well after a successful performance.

96.2. News From Sweden

Cal called me in the middle of the night on my cellular phone.

I was yawning like a rabid hyena after seven dry days of hunger out in the savannah. "Quinn Pensky …".

Cal replied, "hi baby!"

I blushed for deeper embarrassment.

Cal started talking, "I have got some message from Stockholm."

I wondered, "in Sweden?"

He was ccertainly not there. But he had heard it from someone, et cetera …

Well, this someone appeared to be Mr. Jamerson, a guy with scandinavian ancestors.

Anyways, the words went like this: "You have been nominated for the Nobel Prize".

I gasped.

That seemed to have gone really fast.

My demonstration of the universal power converter, just in passing, must have peen really convincing.

I also deemed Mindy's efforts

But my roomie shook her head. "I have been dedicating a few years to the research. You have spend more than one life time, remember Nevel's theory!"

There it was again.

Of course a reincarnatrionof Nikola Tesla would just have continued the work of his or her past life.

That made a lot of sense.

96.3. Deadly Tears

Cat Valentiine had been cool in her rôle as Ariel, the girl drowning in her own tears deep down in the well.

Joshuah Nichols, onbe of the onlookers, recognised himself in Ariel. He was going to write some good critics about the drama in his college newspaper.

Even Jade's dad saw no reason for deeming the play bad. But he refused to ackonowledge Jade's efforts duly, anyways.

Logan Mitchell had helped a lot with the illumination of the stage and the background sound mixing.

Stacey Dillsen had decorated the stage with cotton swab sculptures and with her own wooden carvings.

Jadse had by no means been glad about Stacey's repeated interventions.

But André and Beck had been able to dissuade her from doing harm to the mistress of cotton swabs and carpenter's glue.

By the way, Stacey was now just a few months from her associate's degree in carpentry. She was up to teahing stage building at Hollywood School for the Professional PerformanceArts on an hourly base right after graduating.

Granted, Jade was now rehabilitated and allowed to return to her former school.

But having to attend classes taught by Stacey Dillsen was not exactly a bunch of shining prospects.

Jade had also hoped for a job as a playwright at Hollywood or Broadway.

The shining example of Chase Bartholomew Matthews had been very impressive.

After the play, Megan Parker started talking to Jade. "Hello, I liked you play, especially the end."

Jade grinned. "Yeah! I hate all those hypocritical fluff endings."

Megan nodded. "I imagined my excessively worthless step brother Josh, that big headed boob, in the situation of Ariel."

Jade shrugged.

Megan completed, "well, you should go to better places with your plays than Hollywood or the Broadway."

Jade grunted, "What?"

Megan explained, "classical tragedies are not for the vulgar masses of Los Angeles and New York City. You better stick to the traditional places, like Milan, Paris, London … you name it!"

Jade looked squite a lot dumbfounded.

Megan declared, "you are in a league with Victor Hugo, or Johan Wolfgang von Goethe, and not with Chase Bartholomew Matthews."

Jade scratched her head.

All of this made a lot of sense to her, after pondering the situation.

Of course there was a drawback.

Jade would have had to give up on Beck. Was she really ready for such an important move?

As a classic oboe player, Megan Parker had got some contacts to European opera and theatre houses.

Katie Knight, the little sister of Kendall Knight, was her agent. She would most certainly be able to find a suitable place for Jade over there.

Her methods were cunning and unconventional.

Megan Parker and Nevel Papperman appreciated this to the fullest.

96.4. An Offer For Jade

Katie Knight's professional efforts would by no means be for naught.

Just half a week later, Jade was invited to several interviews with the directors of some of the most renowned theatre houses in Europe.

Paris looked most promising.

Dana Cruz, by the way, was no longer living over there. She had returned to California.

But Robert Shapiro was still loitering out there.

For Jade, the moment of her grewta decision cam closer and closer.

What was more important for the goth girl — punishing Beck in a intriguing manner for being a shallow jerk, or passing on and finding a great career as a playwright so far away?

I could not answer.

But the latter was of course the better solution, especially for Camille.

Chapter 97. Snow Storm

97.1. Christmas Time

December was usually a very exhausting time of the year.

I hated all the hypocritical gift crap.

Carly Shay was already busy planning her aforementioned Christmas show at Hollywood. She had invited a special superstar guest, Fabio Monti[[203]]

Some other guests would wear bear costumes.

But the main attraction would be a Christmas duet by Kendoria, viz. Kendall Knight and Victoria Vega.

The two love birds and upcoming super stars of the Hollywood musical scene had already been on tour during the summer break. Now they were up to singing Carly's favourite Christmas song, viz. All iWant For Christmas Is You.

But why did Carly stay in LOs Ageles for a Christmas show instead of returning to Seattle?

Her dad was still out there in his stupid yellow submarine and thus unable to make it home for Christmas.

The same thing had already been the case during the last five years.

Spencer's and Carly's Christmas had never been any good in Seattle.

Once Spencer had built a Christmas tree from junk.

The stupid thing had then caught fire.[[204]]

Ever since, Carly Shay had refused to return to Seattle for Christmas.

Claire Sawyer hadthus decided to run for every presidency once being a fully ordained layer. After getting selected, Claire would finally stop the submarines.[[205]]

97.2. Christmas In Minnesota

Logan Mitchell, James Diamond, Kendall Knight, and Carlos Vega wanteds to return to Minnesota for Christmas.

Gabriella Knight, the mother of Kendall, and her daughter Katie had been trying hard to stuff everything into a few suitcases.

Grandma Knight was already waiting with the Christmas meals.

They had to make it to the airport right after the Christmas show.

Unfortunately, there was too much stuff for too few or too small suitcases.

97.3. Weather Forecast

The short movie The Blowing was also presented in Carly's Christmas show.

At the end of the show, Walter Nichols, a co-actor in the short movie, presented the weather for the Christmas days, for all of America.

Of course, it was somewhat different for various parts of the country.

There was barely ever any snow in the southern Californian coastal region.

The infamous Dreaming Of A White Christmas[[206]] was like an endless viorus in the brains of the people in Los Angeles and San Diego.

I had worked on that problem.

Of course many people helped themselves with fake snow flakes.

But that crap was not just fake, it was often even toxic.

Crazy Steve had onve made false snow flakes from chopped hard cheese.

But these biologically degradable flakes had started to stink up the whole city.

Well, Steve was not deemed crazy without any reason.

Causing real snow over the Christmas holidays was a cool idea, but only at first glance.

Weather was a very complex and global issue.

It is impossible to change the weather in a limited area, let's say, all over Los Angeles, and then expect it to work without interferring with the weather in other regions in a less than predictable or even controllable manner.

Cal had often warned me.

I had thus concentrated on developping weather simulation programs demonstrating these influences.

Also, the usage of artificial intelligence was important.

The key tools were so called Bayesian networks, some sort of inverted statistical reasoning. They were commonly used for smart stuff like spam filters.

After some long test series, fed directly with data from the weather satellites constructed by Cal, I would be able to mess with our weather in a controlled manner. Or so I hoped.

But fotr this Christmas, we had to do with the weather at hand.

97.4. Blizzard In The Middle West

According to the usuallly unreliable weather forecast by Walter Nichols, made at the occasion of Carly's Christmas show, there would be fairly nice weather all over the territory of the united states.

But I knew the worth of his forecast too well.

Cal'r calciulation, based on the data delivered by his weather satellites and my weather simulation, said something completely fifferent for most parts of the middle west, including in partiucular Minnesota.

A blizzard was about to haunt those regions, disabling the usage of the airport of Minneapolis and St. Paul.

In other words, the flights to Minnesota had to be cancelled.

Machines alreasy on their way would have to be diverted to some safe third occasion.

Fortunately, Logan Mitchell had warned his pals in time.

Otherwise they would be stuck now in some stray region, such as Kansas, and forced to spend Christmas with creeps like Nicole Bristow and other hillbillies.

So, what to do on such a "fine" Christmas?

For Kendall it was not hard to decide. "Tori, you don't accidentally have a free angle in your residence?"

Tori blushed. "Sure! Christmas is the best moment to introduce you to my parents!" She sighed deeply. "Unfortunately, Trina will be around, too."

Carlos Garcia was going to ask Cat Valentine some similar questions.

Of course, Cat had also got problems with her brother.

Katie talked her mother into spending Christmas in San Diego, with Megan Parker and her mother Audrey.

I did not care any longer.

The flights along the Pacific coast were safe.

So I was now aboard a plane bound for Seattle.

I hated the punt rest of my family, though, especially my perversely dumb mother.

But this had to be, once a year.

Nevel was aboard the same plane. He made remarks about the annual Christmas hypocrisy.

Peace … love … joy … what a load of absurd banter.

There is no such thing among mankind, not in this world and not in any other.

I would have loved to contradict. But I was by no means able to.

Chapter 98. Winner

98.1. Year Turn

I had left that perverted family reunion as fast as possible.

Another year was now about to start.

I returned to Los Angeles ere midnight.

Of course the celebrations were very lively.

Mindy Crenshaw was not yet back from her vacations, just like many other students.

Thus I had got my room for myself.

Still there was no message from the committee for the Nobel Prize.

Well, I had got all the time in the world.

My identity was the reincarnation of Tesla was just a freaky theory of Nevel Papperman's, wasn't it?

Malika had still not been able to prove anything.

So it was better to bear with it.

98.2. The Decision

It was now the second of January.

Many offices reopened.

I had just been called into the administration office of Quinntech

Mr. Savage was already awaiting me.

That was really unusual.

I sighed deeply.

Mr. Savage moaned,

OK, Ms. Pensky!

The patent authorities have still not fdecided about our patent for the replacement for your material from meteorite crashes, used for J-mate phones.

Was that disappointing?

I did not think so.

Authorities were often going slow around the end of the year.

I shrugged.

Mr. Savage had apparently got another reason for calling me. He panted heavily and continued,

The internal mail office had mixed up some mail.

Fortunately, the mail sorter inbvented by you will soon be up and running.

So, one letter made it accidentally into the office of the Public Relations Manager.

Sorry for that!

He handed me a letter from Sweden.

I glared at it and opened it slowly. I told Savage to read it to me.

Jack Savage did so.

I had got a hard time believing his following words.

He had to read it thrice.

But there it was.

I had been elected winner of the Nobel Prize for Physics.

The ceremony would be in Stockholm, around spring break.

There was still some days left for possible objections against the decision.

It had not been a unison one.

But it was surprising, anyways.

I hoped it to stay a secret as long as possible.

By the way, I would soon thereupon get the inept mail guy fired on site and replaced with James Madigan, the nephew of Maximillian Madigan from Mad Style.

Jimmy had previously worked as a mail manager at Mad Style. But he was keen on hetting to know the latest upgrade of a mail sorting machine. He had also hankered insanely after True Jackson.

But True was now dating Sinjin van Cleef instead.

Mr. Savage promised to keep it a secret until the official public announce.

98.3. Mindy's Reaction

Everyone was back by now after Christmas break.

This was especially valid for Mindy Crenshaw.

I had to tell her of all about the news from Sweden.

She congratulated me. According to her own statement, she had always seen it coming. "You will win the prize properly bever won in your previous life as Nikola Tesla. You totally deserve it."

And there was Nevel's hypothesis once again.

I had really tried to free my head from that possibility.

But it was brought up over and over again.

98.4. Jade goes to Sweden

Apparently I was not the only one up for a trip to Stockholm.

Jade West had been hired as a playwright by Strindberg Theatre in the heart of Sweden's cultural life.

According to their boss, nobody was better able to reincarnate the classic tragedy in a modern setting.

Beck was not yet glad about it. He made Jade to decide between himself and her career.

What a creep!

Now Jade West better got away from him as soon as possible.

Beck was the right punishment for my dumb cousin Camille to live with.

Well, Stockholm was just one of Jade's stations in Europe.

Katie Knight had already organised the tour during the Christmas break, along with her excessively cool friend Megan Parker.

98.5. Cal's Question

I had not been able to talk to Cal since the last days before Christmas. Now I was particularly excited.

There had been no way of seeing him in person during the Christmas break.

Cal was in South America for the start of a new satellite.

Yet there was some time left for a web chat right between two boilerplate test sessions and their analysis.

Cal had already been the first person to inform me about my nomination for the prize. Maybe he had also been aware of the decision, by means of rumours on his circles.

And, indeed, he was admitting to having heard the rumours. "I did not want to tell you this utterly important things, just based on rumours."

I nodded solemnly.

There were still a few days left until the official announce.

But there were already some shadows of the event.

The NASA was thinking about naming another geosynchrone meteorological satellite for me, in the case of my conquest of the Novel prize.

But maybe they were pondering doing so, anyways.

I had written the computer simulation for it, after all.

Now Cal had been called by a colleague. He had to return to a conference in ten minutes. He panted heavily. "Just one question left …"

I sighed. "What question?"

Cal did not answer verbally. He produced a little box from his pockets. Then he suspired whiole opening the box. "OK, Quinn Pensky, do you want …" He blushed deeply. Then he went silent again and exhibited the little box's contents.

There were two rings.

My eyes bugged out again.

It was a really cool moment.

Cal was unable to say it in words.

But the rings spoke for themselves.

I gasped. "Yes, of course I want to!"

Cal smiled and sighed for relief.

There was still time to talk about the details.

The trip to Stockholm would precede the wedding in any case.

We would keep our engagement secret for as long as only possible.

Mindy would find out pretty soon.

Thus I better told her on site.

But it it was nobody else's business.


Chapter 99. The Return Of Nikola Tesla

99.1. Trip To Stockholm

Finally, it was the day for the great trip to Stockholm.

Mr. Savage allowed for using the company's jet.

I had to talk to some Swedish phone company as well.

Savage wanted the J-mates to get adapted to European standards as well as to American and Canadian ones.

Thence one big Swedish phone company got dragged into the whole business.

OK, this was pretty comfortable.

In addition, it kept the circle of those knowing about the principal purpose of my travel to Sweden as small as can be.

And this lack of public attention made me feel a whole lot more at ease.

Now my Jet took off into the Californian winter sky.

99.2. Snow

I had been missing out on snow in California.

But Sweden was of course a different chapter.

The gulf current prevented Stockholm from freezing over during the winter months.

Thus it was not anywhere near as cold as in Canadian cities at a comparable lattitude.

And it was not as cold as in the freezing chambers in the headquarters of Dingo.

Now I better went straight to the congress hotel.

99.3. The Award

Finally, there was the big moment.

The Swedish king handed me the diploma distinguishing me as the winner of one of the most noble prizes around. But he let his freshly adopted daughter do so.

My eyes bugged out. "Sam?"

Samantha Puckett had actually been a remote relative of the Swedish family, injustly forced into migration during the ninteenth century. Thus she had always been a Swedish princess, knowing it or bot..

In order to correct this mistake, the royal family decided to readopt her into the family.

This way, Prince Fredrick Edward of Spain was now lawfully engaged in an appropriate manner.

Samantha grinned. "Hey! I'm also the new Miss Sweden, by the way. Sam is the winner!"

I shrugged when accepting the award.

Was I supposed to say something?

Sam definitely did not insist in it. She hated speeches more than pestillence and famine.

But the responsible committee was of course of a somehow different opinion.

I panted heavily. Then I started talking some of the usual stuff.

But what was that?

I started feeling a bit strange, like growing and shrinking at the same time.

The audience choked and coughed violently.

What was going on?

I had not really got a trace of a clue.

Dauntless princess Samantha walked up front and borrowed nme her handheld mirror. "It looks bad!" But she had to admit to having already seen worse. "… such as Gibby shirtless and in panties."

I took a look into the mirror and gasped. I looked now exactly like Nikola Tesla.

Where had that been coming from?

Nikola had never obtained a Nobel Prize.

This was supposed to be the result of his brute arguments with Thomas Alvar Edison.

But now I held the prize in my hands, appearing in the likeness of Nikola Tesla. I wondered, "Had I always been him?"

Malika had promised to make me see the world with the eyes of Tesla in the case of Nevel's theory being true. She had apparently thought of dreams and visions. Or so she had made it sound.

But this was my plain day consciousness.

The committee was consternated.

A few minutes later, I felt returning to normal.

The onlookers were not trusting their eyes any longer.

The whole event was now being broadcast in the Swedish TV and seen almost everywhere.

In other words, all my acquaintances in California were now aware of the strange incidence.

Only few of them were familiar with the looks of Nikola Tesla, though.

99.4. Jade In Sweden

In my hotel, I stumbled straight upon Jade West.

The goth girl had just signed a contract for the next five years here in Stockholm.

Claire Sawyer had worked on it.

Princess Samantha liked the scene with the star drowning in her own tears.

Jade liked the cold weather. "The icy wind cuts your skin like a pair of scissors!" She loved scissors and collected all sorts of them, especially big and scary ones. She was here in the right place.

Hey, the real goths, viz. the ancient Germanic tribe, was from southern scandinavia, wasn't it?

There was an island named Gotland, one of the biggest in the Baltic Sea.

As a goth girl, Jade should really feel at home here. She was now willingly going to trash Beck Oliver, leaving him in the arms of Camille.

Soon thereupon, my plane would take off into the cold and white sky, chock full of snow flakes, bound for Los Angeles.

My negotiations with the Swedish phone compay would be continued via interweb.

By the way, Logan's grandpa had already had the idea of a material used for replacing the expensive remains of meteorite crushes. He had not thought about the reunion of Tek Mates and J Phones, though.

But the freezing chambers served precisedly for the purpose of conserving those materials, tarnished as the skull of imaginary Mr. Charles dingo.

That was so totally puzzling.

99.5. Return To California

I was hardly able to leave the plane.

Masses of journalists jammed the airport.

The most obnoxious of all of them was Jeremiah Trottman from Pacific Informer. That creep asked the most stupid questions, ever.

Some excessively stupid journalists, among them Trottman, were obviously believing in mty transformation int some shape unbeknownst to them was the result of my quinnvention, the one leading to the Nobel prize.

But that was nowhere near the case.

Fortunately, Jack Savage had hired a bodyguyard for me.

It was aforementioned Shelby Marx, the little sister of Lola and soon wife of Chuck Javers.

The two sisters had made up in the meantime.

I sighed for relief.

Using her karate skills, Shelby was chopping a way for us through the maddening masses of ignoble people.

Megan Parker, Nevel Papperman, and a certain "Coconut Head" performed the triumphal ode from Giuseppe Verdi's Aida for me.

Vieni o Quinndelyn vindice
Vieni a gioir con noi
Sul passo degli eroi
I Lauri e i fior versiam![[207]]

Nevel grinned, seeing his theory about my former life as Nikola Tesla justified. "I've always known it!"

Mindy and Cal were already waiting for me at the entrance of the campus of Caltech.

It was time to come out with the second secret.

My wedding with Cal was now just around the corner …, for always and ever together and stuff.

Chapter 100. Finale

100.1. Continued Research

Malika Dooley admitted straight afterwards to having botched the spell. She had really not envisioned it to happen in the way described above. "You must really have been in harmony with your past life's memories just in that moment."

Going through the known famous quotes from Nikola Tesla, this appeared to make some sort of sense.

My universal power transformer implemented in part, among many other things, the vision of Nikola Tesla concerning a future method of tapping the cosmic kinetic energies.

Tesla had talked a lot about the revised and updated future evaluation of his technologies.

And this was now the turning point.

At least irt looked like this.

But it was just the start.

Many future inventions were to come.

All the money from the award would go into the necessary improvements of the quinnventions.

Most of them were overdue.

The improved and upgraded moon bars were now on their way.

Quinntech was going to sell them via the most important vendor machine frenchising company active at American schools since the recovery of the scandal involving Dean Rivers, Mrs. Sheil Voss alias Francine Briggs, Mr. Crubs, Mrs. Heyfer, and so on.

But the J Mates and the weather control centre were still requiring insane amounts of research.

With the help of colleagues like Cal, Mindy Crenshaw, Wayne Gilbert, Simon Nelson Cook, Logan Mitchell, Lance Widget, Mr. Jamerson, and so on, this would sooner or later turn out right.

100.2. Faithful And True

This was finally the great day of my wedding with Cal.

Of course I had hardly dreamt of it back then at the begin of my journey into the world os science, inspired by Cal's demonstration in Seattle.

But everything had been pointing towards such a development.

Well, now it was "always and ever, until death will tear you apartc".

Mindy Crenshaw had figured our sexret engagement pretty fast. Honestly, she had often urged me to to admit to Cal, even back at high school.

But I had feigned total ignorance.

Melinda Crenshaw was now my matron of honour.

She had nmarried Wayne Gilbert secretly during the last summer break.

Wayne, still better known as "Firewire", was the best man.

The other bridal maids were Camille, Princess Samantha, and Carly Shay.

The corresponding groomsguys were Beck Oliver, Prince Fredrick Edward, and Dustin Brooks.

Just as that of Dean Taylor and Ms. Park, the wedding was conducted by noone less than Father MacCurdy.

He was still the fattest priest of the world by several pounds. But he would soon lose a horrible lot of weight due to my improved and upgraded moon bars.

But before that, the wedding cake was due. This one had been made by lunch lady Rosemary Pepper.

Her wedding with Kazu was now just around the corner, too.

Nevel Papperman was preparing and fine tuning his piano for the performance of the bridal chorus.

The piano had to be dragged outside.

And according to Nevel, it was necessary to retune a piano according to the ground and the geometry of the room.

In other word, the who tuning needed to be repeated.

Finally he was content.

Missy Robinson was standing by his side.

They were such an infinitely cute couple.

Megan Parker and her fiancé Tyler Robinson were cleaning the reed of the oboe once more. They were really obsessed with that.

Megan was one of three oboe players at my wedding. She was supported by the aforementioned Obo twins.

My dad did not come to the wedding.

None of my parents were approving of it.

But I could not care any less.

Mr. Savage was thus going to guide me down the aisle.

I would work for him and Quinntech even after my wedding, but I would never want to make it to the top management.

The duties of a CEO or something like that were absolutely not compatible with the creativity of a scientific person.

Claire Sawyer had worked on Cal's and my wedding contract.

It was now a document of over two thousand pages.

Claire claled it her "standard wedding contract".

Had I really got the time for reading it?

It was so long.

Bear with it!

My wedding outfit had been designed by Zoey Brooks.

The fashion csar was now about graduating from London School Of Fashion Design. She was already chosen for the design of the outfit for the wedding of Freddie and Sam.

My wedding with Cal was thusly a sort of a test run.

Zoey's fiancé Olivary Biallo alias Jerry Crony had been helping her faithfully.

Further result had lead mea to the conclusion of Zoey Brooks and Maris Bingham being second cousins.

Zoey tried now honestly to get along with the snob.

This would not be easy.

But Zoey was not one to run away from difficult tasks.

Lola Martinez and her beloved Spencer Carter attended my wedding as well. They hoped to be seen in the TV this way. They did not really need that publicity, though. They were already close to their first Oscar for starring in Malcolm's latest record movie.

I had tried to exclude the mass media completely.

This had not worked out.

But at least creeps like Jeremiah Trottman and Robert Shapiro were out of the game.

Dana Cruz was at my wedding as well, unfortunately without her fiancé Jackson Colt. But she did not say anything.

Nicole, on the other hand, was here with her husband Lafe Berkowitz.

The two of them were talking way too much, making up for Dana's silence.

Logan Reese and his wife Mercedes Griffin boycotted my wedding completely.

Malika Dooley, voluntary absent from my wedding, had telepathically convicted them of having planned the sabotage of some of my scientific projects.

Claire Sawyer had suggested to sue the creeps.

But I did not care any longer.

Chase Bartholomew Matthews and Michael Barret were here as well, accompanied by Adelaide Singer and Wendy Gellar, respectively.

Chase's full length musical derived from short movie The Blowing was awaiting its première at the Broadway.

Michael and Wendy had written the tune for it.

Talking about the tune …

The music started playing, performing Wagner's Bridal Chorus.

"Coconut Head" was singing along.

We started marching to the location of Father MacCurdy.

Then we had to answer the usual questions.

Finally, the fat beast declared us married for all the rest of our life.

The End

[[1] ]adult science freak from iCarly : iGo Nuclear

[[2] ]Olivary Biallo appears in Zoey 101 : School Dance as Michael's male dance partner. He is herein identified with Jerry Crony from Ned's Declassified SSG

[[3] ]Spencer from Ned's Declassified SSG : School Plays.

The surname is from same actor's guest character in Nickelodeon's Amanda Show.

Do not confuse him with Spencer Shay from iCarly!

[[4] ]This star from Unfabulous is identified with same actress's cameo in Drake & Josh : Honor Council

[[5] ]Wendy is Drake's stalking fan from Drake & Josh : Number One Fan.

Surname and later character traits are chosen by inspiration from same actress's character in Camp Rock, another film not owned by me.

[[6] ]Mercedes Griffin has got a few cameos in first season of Big Time Rush. She's identified with Ned's Declassified SSG-character "Missy Meany".

[[7] ]This recurring character from Zoey 101 is here identified with same actress's cameo in iCarly : iStart A Fanwar

[[8] ]This occasional Drake & Josh character is identified with same actor's character from iCarly : iStart A Fanwar

[[9] ]from Zoey 101 : Quinn Misses The Mark

[[10] ]mentioned in Zoey 101 : Chasing Zoey.

She's identidfied with Cheerio Mandy from Drake & Josh : Football

[[11] ]according to Zoey 101 : Silver Hammers.

[[12] ]from iCarly : iWas A Pageant Girl.

[[13] ]cf. Zoey 101 : Quinn's Alpaca

[[14] ]cf. Zoey 101 : Spring Break-Up

[[15] ]Carly Shay's grandfather from iCarly : iWant To Stay With Spencer

[[16] ]Quinn admitted in Zoey 101 : Pilot to having done that.

[[17] ]Quinn admitted to that in Zoey 101 : Little Beach Party.

[[18] ]from Zoey 101 : Quarantine

[[19] ]from Zoey 101 : Zoey's Tutor

[[20] ]cf. Zoey 101 : Quinn's Alpaca

[[21] ]from Zoey 101 : Quinn's Alpaca

[[22] ]from Zoey 101 : Robot Wars

[[23] ]from various cameos in Big Time Rush

[[24] ]from Zoey 101 : Boys Will Be Girls

[[25] ]only mentioned in Zoey 101 : Webcam

[[26] ]hero from third-party owned Marvel Cartoons

[[27] ]hero from third-party owned DC Cartoons

[[28] ]main character of some third-party owned cartoon series

[[29] ]third-party owned cartoon figure

[[30] ]cf. Zoey 101 : The Curse Of PCA

[[31] ]appears in Zoey 101 : Prank Week

[[32] ]only in Zoey 101 : Jet-X

[[33] ]from Zoey 101 : Jet-X

The kinship with James Garrett is not canonical.

[[34] ]This is Ashley from iCarly : iHire An Idiot.

The surname is taken from some rôle of the same actress in some third-party owned movie.

She is by no means whatsoever to be confused with Ashley Blake introduced below!

[[35] ]cameo in Zoey 101 : Quinn's Date

[[36] ]This identifies Drake & Josh from Drake & Josh with same actor's self insert in Zoey 101 : Spring Fling.

[[37] ]from Drake & Josh : The Guitar

[[38] ]from Zoey 101 : Spring Fling

[[39] ]Joe the Mechanic from Zoey 101 : Spring Fling

He is identified with same actor's cameo in iCarly : iPromote Techfoots

[[40] ]cf. an unportrayed Wendy mentioned in Zoey 101 : Lola Likes Chase.

[[41] ]mentioned in Zoey 101 : Broadcast Views

[[42] ]from Drake & Josh : Honour Council

[[43] ]This identifies the backpack boy from Ned's Declassified SSG with sanme character's cameo in Shredderman Rules

The surname is taken from same actor's rôle in some third-party owned show.

[[44] ]cameo in Zoey 101 : School Dance

[[45] ]from Zoey 101 : The Great Vince Blake

[[46] ]cameo in Big Time Rush : Big Time Break

[[47] ]from Just Jordan

[[48] ]from Zoey 101 : School Dance

[[49] ]from Zoey 101 : School Dance

[[50] ]third-party owned programming language owned by Sun Microsystems

[[51] ]from Zoey 101 : Defending Dustin

He's also identified with same actor's cameo as "Cleesheah" in iCarly : iFence.

[[52] ]from iCarly : iTwins

[[53] ]cameo from Ned's Declassified SSG : Pep Rallies

[[54] ]from Fairly Odd Movie

[[55] ]various cameos in Zoey 101

[[56] ]cameo in Zoey 101 : Back At PCA

[[57] ]This co-star of iCarly is here identified with same actress's guest rôle in Zoey 101 : Bad Girl

[[58] ]from Zoey 101 : Haunted House

[[59] ]cf. Zoey 101 : Little Beach Party

[[60] ]third-party owned book by Frank Baum

[[61] ]cf. Zoey 101 : The Play

[[62] ]cameo in Zoey 101 : Bad Girl

[[63] ]mentioned in Victorious : Tori The Zombie

[[64] ]third-party owned cartoon series

[[65] ]The three of them are camos from Zoey 101 : Broadcast Views.

[[66] ]Sam admits to this ability in iCarly : iGot A Hot Room

[[67] ]from Zoey 101 : Girls Will Be Boys

[[68] ]cf. Drake & Josh : Mindy Loves Josh

[[69] ]mentioned in Zoey 101 : Lola Likes Chase

[[70] ]Sandy Baldwin and her sister Tracy are from Zoey 101 ; Lola Likes Chase

Sandy is identified with same actress's rôle as Katie in Drake & Josh : Megan's new teacher.

Do not confuse this Katie with after-mentioned Katie Knight or Katie Packerman

[[71] ]This softdrink appears in Zoey 101 : Spring Break-Up

[[72] ]mentioned in Drake & Josh : Mindy Loves Josh

[[73] ]This identifies custodian Gordy from Ned's Declassified SSG and maintenance man Buddha Bob from Big Time Rush.

[[74] ]from iCarly : iGot A Hot Room

[[75] ]from iCarly : iMeet Fred

[[76] ]allusion to third-party owned song Sad Songs by Elton John.

[[77] ]cameo in iCarly : iGive Away A Car

[[78] ]cf. Drake & Josh : Sheep Thrills

[[79] ]cameo in Zoey 101 : Quinn Misses The Mark

[[80] ]allusion to some third party owned song by Drake Bell, Makes Me Happy

[[81] ]cf. iCarly : iGive Away A Car

[[82] ]cf. iCarly : iRue The Day

[[83] ]cf. William Lyne Occult Ether Physics

[[84] ]school mentioned in iCarly : iMight Switch Schools, along with subsequently mentuioned Linda Peeloff

[[85] ]various cameos and mentions in True Jackson VP

[[86] ]cf. True Jackson VP : True's New Assistant

[[87] ]This cameo from Unfabulous : The Gray Area is identified with same actress's recurring rôle as Francine Briggs in iCarly and as Dr. Sheila Voss in Shredderman Rules.

[[88] ]cameo in Zoey 101 : Silver Hammers

[[89] ]Rose is a recurring character from Ned's Declassified SSG.

The surname is taken from another rôle of the same actress

[[90] ]from Zoey 101 : Zoey's Tutor

[[91] ]This is the identification of Sarah from Zoey 101 : Silver Hammers and Kyla from True Jackson VP : Flirting With Fame

[[92] ]cd. Zoey 101 : Zoey's Balloon

[[93] ]This Vanessa is from Zoey 101 : Quinn's Alpaca

Do not confuse her with Vanessa from the first season of Ned's Declassified SSG!

[[94] ]star of Shredderman Rules

[[95] ]from Ned's Declassified SSG : School Newspapers

[[96] ]This casting show appears in iCarly : iRock The Votes.

[[97] ]Blatzberg is from Zoey 101 : Wrestling.

Duke is from iCarly : iHatch Chicks.

[[98] ]from Zoey 101 : Wrestling

[[99] ]various mentions throughout Drake & Josh

[[100] ]cf. Drake & Josh : Really Big Shrimp

[[101] ]cf. Zoey 101 : Chase's Grandma

[[102] ]Maria is from Zoey 101 : Quarantine.

The surname is from same actress's rôle in third-party owned show J . O . N . A . S.

[[103] ]from Zoey 101 : The Radio

[[104] ]Such a radio appears in Zoey 101 : new Roomies and in Zoey 101 : The Radio.

[[105] ]This is a recurring of Victorious, viz. the father of star Tori Vega.

[[106] ]from Zoey 101 : Hot Dean

[[107] ]from Zoey 101 : Dance Contest and Coffee Cart Ban

[[108] ]from Zoey 101 : Dance Contest.

[[109] ]cameo in Zoey 101 : Dance Contest

[[110] ]cameo from Zoey 101 : Dance Contest

[[111] ]mentioned in Zoey 101 : Favor Chain

[[112] ]cf. Zoey 101 : Coffee Cart Ban.

[[113] ]This is Jo from Big Time Rush.

[[114] ]cf. iCarly : iFight Shelby Marx

[[115] ]cf. Drake & Josh : Peruvian Puff Pepper

[[116] ]This Carly is from Drake & Josh : Who Got Game?.

The surname is taken from a cameo rôle of the same actress in third hand owned show Ghost Whisperer.

[[117] ]Lafe is from Zoey 101

[[118] ]mentioned in Zoey 101 : Miss PCA

[[119] ]Jeannie is a cameo appearance from Zoey 101 : Surprise.

The family name is for the cameo appearance of the same actress in third-party owned show Roomies.

[[120] ]from Drake & Josh : The Great Doheny.

He's also mentioned in Zoey 101 : Logan Gets Cut off

[[121] ]from Zoey 101 : Logan Gets Cut Off

[[122] ]This is Morgan,a cameo from iCarly : iCarly Saves TV

[[123] ]from iCarly: iLike Jake

[[124] ]some cameos in Ned's Declassified SSG

[[125] ]from iCarly : iSpace Out

[[126] ]Harper is from iCarly : iCarly Saves TV.

The surname is from same character's regular in Victorious.

[[127] ]cameo in Zoey 101 : Rollercoaster

The surname is for a rôle of same actress in some third-party owned movie

[[128] ]cameo in iCarly : iLike Jake

[[129] ]cf. Drake & Josh : The Demonator

[[130] ]from Zoey 101 : Rollercoaster

[[131] ]from iCarly : iSpace Out

[[132] ]cf. Victorious : Birthweek Song

[[133] ]cf. Zoey 101 : Chasing Zoey

[[134] ]cf. Zoey 101 : The Curse Of PCA

[[135] ]fromBig Time Rush : Big Time Live

[[136] ]This hotel chain is mentioned in iCarly : iRock The Votes, Zoey 101 : Chasing Zoey, and Drake & Josh : Drake and Josh go Hollywood.

[[137] ]from True Jackson VP : Keeping Tabs

[[138] ]cf. iCarly : iHeart Art.

[[139] ]from True Jackson VP : Saving Snackleberry

[[140] ]from iCarly : iStake Out

[[141] ]from iCarly : iStake Out

[[142] ]star of Best Player

[[143] ]cf. Gospel According To Matthew, 11:23-34

[[144] ]from True Jackson VP : Amanda hires a Pink.

[[145] ]mentioned Zoey 101 : Chasing Zoey

[[146] ]mentioned in iCarly : iKiss

[[147] ]mentioned in Drake & Josh : Drake and Josh go Hollywood. and Victorious : A Film By Dale Squires.

[[148] ]cf. iCarly : iRock The Votes

[[149] ]cf. iCarly : iRock The Votes

[[150] ]various cameos in Big Time Rush

[[151] ]from iCarly : "iMeet Fred"

[[152] ]from iCarly : iMake Sam Girlier

[[153] ]This identifies Robbie Carmichael from Drake & Josh : Tree House with Scooter from Zoey 101 : Favor Chain

[[154] ]from Fairly Odd Movie

[[155] ]from Big Time Rush : Big Time Life

[[156] ]This is Ash from Best Player.

The surname is from guest rôle of the same actor in The Troop : Tentacle Face.

[[157] ]mentioned in Victorious : Wii0Fi In the Sky

[[158] ]cameo in iCarly : iGo To Japan.

[[159] ]The surname is taken from a guest rôle of the same actress in third-party owned show Bones.

[[160] ]from iCarly : iLook Alike, the son of international mixed art champion Jackson Colt.

[[161] ]cf. iCarly : iTake On Dingo

[[162] ]from iCarly :

[[163] ]from Big Time Rush : Big Time Break

[[164] ]mentioned in iCarly : iMust Have Locker 239

[[165] ]The eye lasering of Sam's mother is mentioned in iCarly : iMust Have Locker 239.

Quinn is performing a similar deed in Zoey 101 : Trading Places.

[[166] ]from iCarly : iFight Shelby Marx

[[167] ]cameo in iCarly : iFight Shelby Marx

[[168] ]cameo in iCarly : iFix A Pop Star

[[169] ]from Big Time Rush : Big Time Sparks.

It's a spoof off Jordin Sparks.

[[170] ]This is Magic Malika from iCarly : iSpeed Date.

The surname is from a guest rôle of the same actress in third-party owned show Drop Dead Diva.

[[171] ]from Big Time Rush : Big Time Bad Boy

He is here identified with Daniel from Victorious : Cat's New Boyfriend

[[172] ]cf. Drake & Josh : Helen's Surgery.

[[173] ]"Crazy" Steve from Drake & Josh.

The surname has been chosen for the same actor's rôle in Best Player

[[174] ]Peggy is from Big Time Rush : Big Time Crush.

The surname is taken from another rôle of the same actress in some third-party owned movie.

[[175] ]from Drake & Josh : Little Diva

[[176] ]cf. Victorious : Beck's Big Break

[[177] ]from iCarly : iCook

[[178] ]from iCarly : Zoey's Ribs

[[179] ]mentioned in Victorious : Freak The Freak Out

[[180] ]This is Brad from iCarly : iHire An Idiot. He is identified with an anonymous cameo of the same actor in Victorious : Wok Star.

The surname is taken from a guest rôle of the same actor in some third-party owned show.

[[181] ]cf. Big Time Rush : Big Time Concert

[[182] ]There is a real Prince Gabriel from Belgium. But he is in no way alluded to in this fiction, and actually younger than Prince Gabriel here in this story.

Likewise, there is absolutely no connection to the really existing Spanish monarchy.

[[183] ]from True Jackson VP : True Roylaty

[[184] ]Tyler is from Drake & Josh : I Love Sushi.

The surname is taken from the same actor's rô in some third party owned show.

[[185] ]from Ned's Declassified SSG : Upperclassmen

[[186] ]The surname is taken from same actress's recurring rôle in Nickelodeon's Bucket & Skinner.

[[187] ]mentioned in iCarly : iWant A Record

[[188] ]a few cameos in Big Time Rush

[[189] ]cameo in Big Time Rush : Big Time Break

[[190] ]from True Jackson VP : True Fear

[[191] ]an original character

[[192] ]from iCarly : iBelieve In Bigfoot

[[193] ]This identifies two rôles of the same actress in Unfabulous and Just Jordan, respectively.

[[194] ]from iCarly : iFight Shelby Marx

[[195] ]from iCarly : iFix A Popstar

[[196] ]This identifies Miranda Cosgrove from Big Time Rush : Big Time Christmas with Carly Shay.

[[197] ]Dave and Fleck are from iCarly : iQuit iCarly

The surname of Dave is from a cameo of the same actor in some third-party owned show.

Fleck is identfied with Trey from Drake & Josh : Merry Christmas, Drake and Josh.

[[198] ]Sofia Michelle and her work appear in Victorious : Tori The Zombie.

[[199] ]cf. iCarly : iStart A Fanwar.

[[200] ]This identifies Mitchell from True Jackson VP : Switcheroo with Mr. Kwest from Ned's Declassified SSG.

[[201] ]cf. Victorious : Wok Star

[[202] ]Brad from iCarly : iHire An Idiot is here identified with same actor's cameo in Victorious : Wok Star

[[203] ]Fabio is from Big Time Rush : Big Time Christmas.

The surname is from a rôle of the same actor in a different show.

[[204] ]cf. iCarly : iChristmas

[[205] ]allusion to third-party owned song Stop the cavalry! by Jonah Lewy.

[[206] ]Third-party own song by Bing Crossby

[[207] ]Come on, victorious Quinndelyn, come and celebrate with us. Let's pour laurel and flowers upon the passage of the heroes.