I do not own Red Vs Blue. Please Review and Thank You. This FanFic is AU. Grif, Simmons, and Donut are 13 year old boy scouts.

Not Going In

By WonderlandIsAnIllusion

"Come on you two don't be wussies." Sarge said to the two thirteen year old boys. Dexter Grif and Dick Simmons didn't make a comment to their troop leader. By Sarge's side is a thirteen year old boy and his name is Franklin Donut.

"The cave looks nice, pretty, and friendly." Donut commented cheerfully and Sarge rubbed his forehead.

"It's a little dangerous, but not too dangerous." Sarge told them.

"Sorry Sir, but I do not want to be bitten by a snake." Simmons informed him.

"A little snake bite would give you some character, Simmons." Sarge told the red haired boy.

"Simmons, I would totally suck the poison out of you." Donut said while smiling brightly at him. "I'm good at sucking. I wouldn't mind sucking anything out of you."

Grif started snickering, Sarge groaned, and Simmons shivered.

"I definitely do not want to risk it. I don't want Donut sucking any part of me." Simmons stated calmly and Grif still snickering. "Shut up, Grif. It's not funny."

"Anyway, No way am I going inside that cave. It might have bats and I hate bats." Grif told Sarge.

"I hate snakes. You and Donut can go in there exploring that cave." Simmons said to Sarge.

"Fine. You two won't be getting the cave exploring badge." Sarge informed them. "Donut is braver then you both and he wears a pink scarf."

"Nothing you say will change my mind." Grif and Simmons stated at the same time.

"It's lightish red not pink, Sarge." Donut protested. "Lightish red."

"Still going to be wussies, boys?" Sarge asked the two boys.

"Still not going." Grif and Simmons replied to him.

"Okay, Donut. I'll show you the cave." Sarge informed him.

"Alrighty, Sir." Donut said cheerfully and they walked further inside the cave. Grif sat down and took out a few packs of Oreo's from inside his pants and Simmons stared in disbelief.

"Want some?" Grif asked while grinning because he knows the answer will be 'NO' and he can tell Simmons is grossed out.

"No way and why the hell did you put them inside your pants." Simmons said to him and his nose slightly wrinkled in disgust.

"Dude, I had them inside my boxers." Grif informed him while grinning.


"Whatever, Simmons. They are still in the package. Besides where the hell else would I have them? The peeps in charge were searching for junk food and they are not allowed to check inside anyones underwear or boxers."

"How long do you think Sarge and Donut will be gone?"

"Who cares? I have my awesome Oreo's and I'm not inside a creepy cave in which there could be freakin bats from hell in there. Life is good. I might take a nap."

",But what if something happens?" Simmons asked curiously.

"Don't worry, Simmons. The world would be a better place without Sarge."

"What about Donut?"

"Recall last year when we kept on using the word supplier."

"He missed the word Soda. The supplier of soda. Seriously, Who would even do drugs?" Simmons stated and then groaned. "He nearly got us in deep trouble for something we weren't even doing. Totally not cool of him."

"My little sister does drugs, but not me."

"What?" Simmons asked in confusion.

"Nothing. So Simmons, do you think Donut has driven Sarge crazy yet?" Grif asked causally to him.

"At least he doesn't get hit on constantly by Donut." Simmons muttered and Grif rolled his eyes at him. "So annoying."

"It's your own fault for being skinny and pretty, Simmons."

"Fuck you, Grif. I hope Donut hits on you."

"Not a chance. He informed me that fatties do not turn him on. Only skinny or muscular males."

"Hey, Grif. Can I have some of your Oreo's?"

"Nope and by the way Oreo's do not make people fat."


"So Simmons want a crach course on how to be lazy? For you it will cost only...eighty dollars and a penny."

"That is a rip off, Grif. Besides I know all about being lazy because your lazy ass screws me over. I wonder why you haven't been kicked out of boys scout... You are lazy and you hate hiking." Simmons stated flatly and Grif yawned loudly.

"I'm taking a nap." Grif informed him, he laid down, and arms behind the back of his head. Simmons rolled his eyes and decided to take a nap. They were in the shade several feets away from the cave.

Please Review and Thank You :)