Author's Note: I haven't actually seen Anthony Strallan leave Edith, but I've heard about it and that is enough to make my blood boil (when I actually watch it I'm going to warn everyone to keep their distance). I mean, come on, Julian Fellows! Why did you have to go and do that? It was Edith's time to be happy! Oh well, now I can only hope that she continues to rise above and become independent and badass!
Edith/Anthony (Edith POV)
If I loved you, which I don't, but if I did, maybe you'd appeal to me because you looked nice. You seemed sweet, friendly, eager. A little dull, but I'm not exactly interesting either. Overall nice. And maybe that would appeal to me because at that time I'd had so few people being nice to me. So few people taking an interest. Perhaps I would think we could be kindred spirits.
If I loved you, which I don't, but if I did, I would give all of my heart to you. I'd look at you and think that that was what you wanted, what you needed. If I loved you, I would put all of my heart into it; if I though it might give you your life back. If I thought it would show that somebody values you.
If I loved you, which I don't, but if I did, I'd be prepared to look past your exterior. I wouldn't mind how old you were or if your arm couldn't move. I wouldn't care about what the others would say; their doubts and fears. I wouldn't even listen. Because they don't know how I feel about you, how our love breaks down walls. They wouldn't understand, but you would and I would. And I'd think that was all that mattered.
If I loved you, which I don't, but if I did and you left, it might break me. When you went you would take everything; my dreams, my hopes, my heart, my confidence. I would have nothing. Be nothing. If I loved you and you left, I would cry and cry and it would all hurt so much. But perhaps the tears would drown out the voice in my head that tells me I will be alone all my life.
If you loved me, like you said you did, you should have said yes when the offer was still going. If you love me, still, then you would say no, again, and walk out of my life forever. You wouldn't beat around the bush or try to come back, like you have in the past. Because I can't guarantee that I won't do something I'll later regret; like take you back. You would learn to live with your choices, like I was forced to do.
And if I loved you, which I don't, but if I did, the hole you left might hurt for a while. I might wish to turn back the clock and I might think I can't go on. But I'd realize that I could. Time would pass and it wouldn't matter if I once felt for you. As the days would go by, I'd come to love you a little less and I'd find that it didn't bother me. In fact, it would suit me just fine. I'd finally see just what I'm worth and just what I deserve, which is not waiting for you make up your mind. I wouldn't need you, not like I thought I would. If I loved you and I lost you, maybe I'd thank you later. It would teach me that I am not defined by other people; not simply his wife, their daughter, her sister. Me. Just me.
But that is only if I loved you. Which I did, once, but not anymore.