This is a bad fanfiction. As a matter of fact, it's outright terrible. It has cardboard-cutout characters, a laughable story, ridiculous logic, and – most damningly enough – cribbed notes from Final Destination 4, of all places. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this piece of crap.

This is so terrible that I actually think it has fallen into the 'So bad it's good' category, which is why I posted it here. Anyway, it has people dying in stupidly ridiculous ways, and that's why you're here, isn't it? So, without further ado, here we go.

P.S. To my Reign of the Pyro fans, that L4D-TF2 crossover isn't going to happen. I'm sorry, it's just one of those ideas that sounds good in the head, bad on paper.

The End Zone

Death plays games with the lives of man. What's more, he always wins.

There's an old fable if there ever was one. But what if it's true?

What if he decided to entrust the fate of hundreds of people, say, in a football stadium, to the roll of a die? What if the roll decided for them to die?

What if they didn't?


No survivors

"I can't believe you got us these seats, bro!" Linda Lopez said. "I can almost see the sweat on the players' jerseys!"

"Well," Martin said, "it pays to have friends in high places. As a matter of fact, here comes my friend now," he said, pointing up at the door to the parking lot.

"What?" his girlfriend, Anna said. "All I see is – oh my god, Tony Ortega?" she screamed as Tony, the star player of the New Mexico Bravos, walked through the door of box 18, section O.

"Yep, that's right. I've known him since I was 18."

"You knew Tony Ortega for seven years, and you never told your own sister?" Linda said as Tony sat down beside her.

"Apparently," Martin said.

What they didn't know was that, beneath their feet, there were twenty-seven gigantic air conditioners keeping the stadium at 70 degrees.

Meanwhile, in the football field, one of the players kicked a field goal from the 40-yard line.

"No way he'll make it," Linda said.

"He'll totally make it," Anna said.

As it happened, neither of them were right. The football hit the goalpost and bounced off, causing the goalpost to alter direction ever so slightly just as the timer for the second quarter counted down to zero.

"Who could have predicted that?" Tony said.

"Not me," said Jesse Smith gloomily, who had bet against pretty much everything that had happened and, consequently, lost 50,000 dollars in less than an hour.

"The score is tied at 10 to 11 at halftime," the announcer said, unaware of his error.

What nobody knew was that air conditioning unit #13 had, in direct violation of standard procedures, been set to 68 degrees.

As halftime began, a pair of stoners in the front row, Reggie and Carl, began to yawn. "Big deal. Why can't they show something people want to see?" Reggie asked.

"How about this?" a woman said, standing up, tearing off her clothes, and streaking around the seats.

"Cover up, lady!" Danielle Durlap yelled. "There's kids here!" she said, gesturing to her son, Jason Durlap, a small boy sitting behind Tony.

"It's okay, I got it," Tony said, taking off his helmet and putting it on the kid.

"Not what she meant, but thank you for doing the minimum ethically required standard for decency," Martin said.

"Hey, I want to see the naked woman, and I think we both know that you do, too. All that's stopping you from agreeing with me is that girl right beside you," Tony said casually.

Martin leaned towards Linda. "You see why I never introduced you," he whispered.

Nobody knew that air conditioning unit 13, forced into overdrive, had just about had enough.

Joseph Darin, circus performer, didn't know.

Arianna Desmoulin, self-proclaimed professional streaker, didn't know.

Reggie Dundrass, pothead, didn't know.

Tony Ortega, sports star, didn't know.

Danielle and Jason Durlap, mother and son, didn't know.

Linda Lopez, sister of Martin, didn't know.

Carl Dinowitz, other pothead, didn't know.

Jesse Smith, terminally pessimistic man, didn't know.

Martin Lopez, main character, didn't know – this time.

All that changed in a split second.

"All right, honey, I'll get some more nachos," Joseph Darin said. As he stood up, the temperature of ACU 13 passed the threshold for safety. As he walked into the aisle, it exploded. And one split second later, the shockwave caused a slab of concrete to fly up between his legs, penetrating two feet into his torso and killing him.

"Joseph!" his wife yelled, but this was drowned out in the cacophony of screams as people saw what happened. Arianna attempted to redress and run out, but an explosion from another air conditioning unit, which had been critically damaged by the first explosion, knocked her over the wall and into the football field with her shirt still around her neck. The shirt caught on a flagpole, and the force of her impact caused her to break her neck, killing her.

"Dude, let's get out of here," Reggie said; however, another explosion knocked a large sign loose from the stadium's outside wall, falling down and impaling him through the mouth.

"AAAAAHHH!" Carl said. He bolted up the stadium stairs, shoving Tony out of his way. Moments after he did so, another explosion propelled Jason towards Tony. His helmet smashed Tony's skull, and as it did so it splintered, causing a slice to be propelled into Jason's brain.

"Jason!" Danielle yelled, running towards him. As she did so, she tripped and landed in the hole where the first explosion started, falling into the now on fire air conditioner and setting herself on fire.

Meanwhile, Linda, Anna and Martin ran down away from the crowd, hoping to find a way out away from the crowd. As they did so, another explosion knocked over the goalpost, which had been turned slightly as a result of the failed field goal. It landed on a drink stand, which caused its small air conditioning unit to explode. A water bottle flew from the wreckage and knocked Linda on her back. Moments later, the other end of the goalpost fell over, crushing her.

"Linda!" Martin screamed, but Anna pulled him away and they continued to run around, looking for an exit. Meanwhile, above them, Carl and Jesse were doing the same thing. An explosion nearby caused a seat to be thrown into the air, and it landed on Carl, killing him.

A short while later, Jesse found an exit in the form of a security door, only to discover it locked. Frantically, he pulled out his pocketknife and picked the lock. Unfortunately, a seventh explosion greeted him as he opened the door, and as he was knocked back, his knife flew from his hand into his heart.

Martin and Anna, meanwhile, had managed to make it out to the parking lot, where very few people had made it. "Our car's over there," Anna said, pointing to a car near them. "We just have to–"

"Look out!" someone screamed as a final explosion threw shrapnel across the lot. Martin turned just in time to see a steel bar fly towards his face-