Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings
The Fellowship Of Insanity
"May the council of Elrond begin." ordered no other than Elrond himself.
"Why is the council named after you?" asked Frodo.
"Because I'm so frickin' awesome!" Elrond said.
"Hey! That's my line!" whined Legolas, "I want a lawsuit!"
" Sit down you confounded elf!" yelled an extremely grumpy Gimli.
Legolas sat down, pouting like a five year old. Then he looked directly at Gimli and gave a not-so-manly shriek.
" What is it Legolas?" asked a very confused Aragorn. Legolas was curled up in a ball and rocking back and forth on his chair. Eventually, another Mirkwood elf answered for him.
" He's terrified of facial hair." whispered the elf to Aragorn.
" Oh." said Aragorn before erupting into very girly giggles.
" Too continue..." started Elrond.
" I LIKE TRAINS!" screamed Boromir.
" Okay then," said Elrond, "As I was saying..."
" Good Things Grow, In Ontario!" sang Sam.
Everyone looked at him.
" Hey!" said Elrond, " You weren't invited to the council!"
Sam shrugged and sat down in a chair.
" So what if I wasn't invited, Pippin and Merry weren't invited either."
" Merry and Pippin?" said Elrond, slowly turning around until he was face-to-face with the two hobbits who were apparently hiding behind his chair.
" Hello!" said Pippin with a big grin on his face.
Elrond shrieked and fell off his chair.
" Yey! We get the big chair!" squealed Merry and Pippin. They preceded to sit down on Elrond's chair.
" Merry and Pippin get down from there!" yelled Gandalf in a really frightening authoritative voice.
Merry and Pippin squealed in fright and sat down beside Sam.
Frodo looked at Gandalf in admiration. "How did you do that Gandalf?" he asked, eyes wide with curiosity.
" Easy," Gandalf replied, "All you have to do is squeeze your buttocks together when you talk, it makes you sound more authoritative."
Unfortunately, when Frodo tried, he ended up sounding like a hamster that's being thrown repetitively against a wall.
"Okay then," said Gandalf, "While Elrond has his little nap, I guess I'll take over the council from here."
"Oooh! Oooh!" said Pippin with his hand in the air.
" Sigh, yes Pippin?" Gandalf asked.
" Can we have naps too?" asked Pippin eagerly.
" Please do." replied Gandalf, rubbing his temple.
" Yes!" said Pippin while doing a little fist bump in the air. He then preceded to crash onto Gandalf's lap.
" Crap." swore Gandalf as Pippin started to snore.
" Butterflies!" screeched Boromir.
" I'm hungry." stated Merry. He grabbed the One Ring off the table and swallowed it in one big gulp.
" Merry!" screamed Gandalf and Frodo. Frodo picked up Merry and started to shake him.
" Spit it out! Spit it out!" he cried desperately.
Merry then spat it out full force at Legolas' eye.
" Owwwie!" screamed Legolas. The ring then fell onto the ground and rolled towards Aragorn's feet. He turned to Arwen.
" Arwen, will you marry me?" he said, holding up the One Ring.
Sam sniffled, "That's so sweet."
" Aragorn!" yelled Gandalf, "You can't frickin' propose with the One Ring! And when the hell did Arwen get here?!"
Arwen beamed. "I came in to ask Daddy if he will get me Justin Bieber tickets for me and my friends."
Arwen turned to Elrond and gave him a sharp kick in the stomach. Elrond woke up with a start.
" Daddy!" whined Arwen, "Can you pwease get me Justin Bieber tickets for me and my friends?"
Elrond looked at her in annoyance.
" No." he said.
" But daddy why?" asked Arwen.
" Because he's an idiot who can't sing and wears frickin' make-up, that's why!" explained Elrond.
" OMG! You are a horrible daddy!" spased Arwen, and stormed out of the room.
Elrond turned to Aragorn. "Now do you see why I wanted to ship her off to the Grey Havens as fast as possible?"
Aragorn snapped out of his daydream of capturing Jigglypuff in his Pokemon game. "What?"
Elrond face-palmed himself.
" So, what about the ring?" asked Frodo.
" I say we frickin' chuck it at Sauron, thus knocking him out, and then we loot him." said Aragorn, obviously pleased with his smarticle particles.
" Nah," said Boromir, "I say we make Merry eat it again, that was funny."
Elrond looked at Boromir in alarm. "He did what?!"
" I think we should just go to Mordor and chuck the ring into the massive volcanoe-thing." stated Frodo.
Everyone looked at him, obviously impressed.
" Good idea Frodo." praised Elrond, "I don't know why none of us thought of that before."
"That's because you all are as stupid as hell." muttered Frodo under his breath.
"So, who will take the ring to Mordor?" asked Elrond.
" I volunteer Frodo!" declared Merry.
" Merry!" exclaimed Frodo.
Merry shrugged, " It was your idea, so you should do it."
" Boromir's dad is a frickin' pyromaniac!" yelled Sam for no apparent reason.
" So, it is decided," Elrond said, "Frodo will go to Mordor and chuck the ring into the frickin' volcano of doom."
" Stop frickin' saying frickin'!" yelled a very stressed out Gandalf, waking Pippin up in the process.
" Grandpa." Pippin said sleepily.
" Frodo shouldn't go alone." said Sam, "I think Pippin should go with him."
" Merry should go!" shouted Pippin.
" Boromir should go!"
"Aragorn should go!"
" Legolas should go!"
" Man with scary beard should go and die."
" The really fat hobbit should go!"
" Ninja wizard man should go!"
Gandalf looked at Sam strangely. "My name is Gandalf."
"Gesundheit." said Sam.
" So, it has been decided," declared Elrond, "You shall be The Fellowship Of Insanity."
" CHEESECAKE!" screamed Pippin.
Soooo, did you like it? Did I blow up your brain yet? Mwahahahahaha!