Written for Shira Lansys, because she mentioned that every Wolfstar she's read lately has been sad – so I wrote her a happy one! (Also, she's a freaking awesome challenge host and I owe too much of my writing to even quantify to her).
For the Funny Little Lines Comp, where we're given a line and a character to say it. "Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?" ~Sirius Black.
For Gamma's OTP Boot Camp - violation.
Also for the Fanfiction Tournament 2 Round 2, where the main character must be Sirius Black.
"Mr. Black, I am quite certain that you are aware that public displays of affection – particularly in such a, ah… flagrant, fashion – are a violation of the Hogwarts Code of Conduct."
"Quite certain, eh? Your faith in me is flattering, Minnie dear!"
From beside him, Remus ducks his head into his hands. "Sirius!" he hisses, but it only serves to make Sirius' cheeky smile grow.
Professor McGonagall just pushes her glasses up her nose and looks at him sternly. "I've told you before, Mr. Black, that you are to treat your professors with respect. This includes proper address."
"You wound me, Minnie. After all we've been through together…" He feigns a massive sob.
"Really, Mr. Black, could we possibly stay on subject just once?"
"Course not. That would be entirely too practical! I don't believe in efficiency, you see. It's a terrible waste of time, in my opinion."
The Professor cannot stop herself from throwing a glance at the quieter boy, as though asking him how he puts up with the constant theatrics. Remus merely shrugs, an amused smile playing at his lips.
He's my lunatic, his eyes seem to say.
She can't help the small, fond smile for one of her favorite students.
Sirius frowns, furrowing his eyebrows. "Hey, wait a minute! How come this is entirely my fault? Why are you criticising me and smiling at Remus! As I recall, he was a most… willing participant."
Remus flushes scarlet, ducking his head again.
"Be that as it may, Mr. Black," she say sternly, "I'm sure that all three of us are equally aware that you were the instigator. Mr. Lupin, after all, does have some sense of dignity and propriety. He would have at least managed to find a broom closet or a vacant classroom, I'm sure."
If possible, Remus flushes even brighter.
"That's what you think!"
Professor McGonagall raises a skeptical eyebrow at him, and Sirius just flashes his trademark cheeky grin.
"Sometimes, Black, I swear you are difficult merely for the sake of being difficult."
Sirius clutches at his heart. "Minnie, darling, you wound me! Why would I settle for being difficult, when, with just a little bit of effort, I can be impossible?"
She sighs, but a glimmer of a smile plays within her eyes. "I just don't know what to do with you anymore." Her tone is exasperated, but a touch of fondness is buried deep inside it as well.
"Let me off with a warning because you love me?" Sirius suggests. Remus throws a look at him, but even as he does he wonders why he bothers anymore. Sirius is incorrigible – as is evidenced by the fact that he merely grins at Remus' look.
"No, Mr. Black, I rather don't think that's the correct course of action," she says firmly. "And detention seems to have lost its effectiveness by the thousandth time. I'm loath to take points from Gryffindor, too, when that's unlikely to aid your repentance, either." She taps her fingers together thoughtfully as Sirius smirks, quite confident.
His confidence wavers a bit when he notices a glimmer appear in her eyes – the same sort of glimmer that James gets when he comes up with a particularly brilliant prank.
"Unorthodox, perhaps, but maybe that's what's necessary," she murmurs, more to herself than to them. Even Remus is beginning to become a bit wary. "Yes. Yes, I think that will do quite nicely."
The expression that crosses her face is one Sirius would nearly classify as a smirk.
"-and then she put me in this bubble!" Sirius concludes. James hasn't stopped snickering throughout the whole course of the conversation. "It isn't fair! I can't even hug people! What kind of sick person does that?"
"You were kind of flouting the rules, Pads," Remus reminds him.
Sirius scowls. "I was," he mutters sullenly. "I was, he says. As though he wasn't flouting them with me."
"Hey!" Remus puts his hands up in classic "I'm unarmed!" fashion. "I said nothing of the sort. I'm being punished, too, you know!"
Sirius, though, was just getting started on his sulk. "You started it, though. You should be the one in the bubble."
"Oh, don't even try that! I did not 'start it'!"
"You did! You kissed me first!"
"That does not mean I started it. By this time, you well know the limits of my self-restraint – which are considerably more than yours, I might add – and I maintain that I am in no way responsible for the results of you whispering in my ear at that octave."
"It isn't my fault I'm irresistible!"
"Perhaps not, but it is most certainly your fault when you decide to employ said irresistibility in the middle of a hallway. A crowded hallway."
James is still snickering. "How long are you stuck in the bubble, then?" he asks, finally calming himself enough to speak.
Still sulking, Sirius mutters, "A week. A whole bloody week!"
James outright laughs at that, and Sirius glowers at him. "This is not a laughing matter, James! I have to go an entire week without snogging my sexy boyfriend! I just might die!" He slumps dramatically onto the couch, the back of his hand draped across his forehead. The bubble – visible only as a faint shimmer surrounding him – distorts to the shape of the couch. Curious, James attempts to prod it with a finger and quickly pulls his hand back, shaking it.
"You shocked me!"
"You shocked yourself, actually," Remus says dryly. "And you could have just asked."
James raises an eyebrow. "Know from experience, do you Moony?"
"Mmm. Unlike you, Prongs, I didn't feel the need to touch the people-proof bubble. Professor McGonagall enlightened us."
"Endarkened, more like," Sirius mutters darkly.
"Not a real word, Pads."
"Still more accurate! There was nothing light about that conversation. Nothing at all."
Remus looks at him reprovingly, but there's a soft sort of fondness in his eyes. "You can't just make up words, Siri."
"Can, and will. Point of a word is to communicate, yes? As long as the people with whom I'm attempting to communicate know what I mean by it, as far as I'm concerned, it's a word."
By this point, Remus would normally have shut Sirius' inane ramblings up with a kiss. That, however, is a bit out of the question at the moment, and Sirius continues to ramble on.
Remus sighs. It's going to be a long week.