I stumbled out of the door to Bo's Arcade, the images of what I had just witnessed searing themselves into my brain, seeing Marcie Millar drape herself over Patch, and seeing her whisper things into his ear that I know I would prefer to stay unknown, and worst of all seeing him respond with the corners of his mouth tug into an easy smile.
I shook my head trying to gather my thoughts, as I walked over to the Neon in the pouring rain I dimly heard someone calling my name, quickening my pace I wished that I had parked the car closer to the exit, in fact I wished I didn't come here at all.
"Nora!" A hand grabbed my wrist, sending forbidden tingles up my spine, yet my stomach dropped with dread.
"What do you want Patch?" I turned around trying to keep my voice even, though I very well knew that I was doing a pathetic job at it.
"It's not what it looks like and you know it."
"Do I?" I jerked my wrist free, "Because from where I was standing it looked really straight forward to me, but hey, if I'm reading way too much into you using her like a sleeping bag, then now would be the time to tell me if there's really nothing going on."
Patch shook his head in disbelief. "Don't make this out to be something it's not Nora, there is nothing going on between me and Marcie"
A cold laugh escaped my lips, "You two come in the same sentences now?"
Irritation crossed his features "It's complicated."
"I thought I might hear that answer" No my mind screamed in denial, whatever numbness I had, was starting to get replaced by pain and anger that was so intense I couldn't tell the difference between the two anymore.
"Then why did you ask it?"
"Because I wanted to see your eyes when you said it." Taking a deep breath and forcing myself the best smile I had inside myself, I forced out the next words which I knew had to come out. "This can't go on anymore, I think it would be easier if we just...Take a break. " There I said it.
But as soon as I did I regretted it, any remaining heat that I might have had, left my body leaving me cold and numb.
Knowing I was only going to hurt myself further if I stuck around, I turned around and made my way across the parking lot, every step I took away from Patch stretched the distance between us, and in between those steps all I could think of was the comfort of his strong arms that never failed to soothe me, or the firm line of his mouth, which would melt in with my own, or those black eyes that would soften every time they caught my with their gaze.
I suppressed a sob that was about to rip through me. No I told myself, I am not going to let him see me cry, after his performance with Marcie, I refused to let him see that side of me again.
My hand was shaking badly as I fumbled with opening the door to my car, I was about to get in when I heard Patch call my name.
"Is this what you really want?" Looking up I managed to catch a flash of pain cross his face, but I could have imagined it, because even from a distance all I could feel the coldness of his eyes piecing me.
Don't cry, I told myself sternly, I managed a stiff nod, because I knew if I let out one more word I would completely break down.
Looking up at Patch I saw his expression harden, my heart lept into my throat and seemed to have permanently lodge itself there, Patch now seemed to sense that nothing more was going to come out of the conversation, turning around he slowly made his way back to Bo's Arcade.
I dimly remembered that I was still standing in the rain as I watched his retreating figure, slamming the door to the Neon and drove out as fast as the legal speed limit would allow, I didn't get very far before I had to pull over because the tears blurred my vision.
After what seemed an hour I had finally began to put myself together. Patch and I were over, he traded me for Marcie. This fact brought on a new wave of numbness, since I had already cried myself out, I couldn't feel the sadness anymore, all that was left was a gaping hole where all the feelings for Patch used to be, taking a long sigh I stepped on the gas and slowly drove my way home.
Opening the door the farmhouse I glanced down at my at my watch, judging from the fact that it was well past ten-thirty I knew I would be in trouble for missing curfew when mom woke up.
I stiffly made my way upstairs, taking a shower wouldn't be a bad idea, but I didn't want to wake my mother up and to face the consequences in my current state, flicking the light switch on to my dresser I peel my wet clothes of, I considered calling Vee, but quickly changed my mind because I knew she was already asleep and I didn't want to wake her.
Changing into my pink pajamas, I padded down to the bathroom to brush my teeth, the peppermint toothpaste leaving a mild burn in my mouth.
Rinsing my mouth out with cold water felt refreshing so I repeated the process a few times, sighing I glanced at myself in the small bathroom mirror. My reflection started dully back at me, my eyes were all bloodshot and my nose was red and swollen from crying.
Annoyed at myself for allowing it to get to the point where my face will look like it had been through an encounter with Poison Ivy tomorrow, I rubbed some cream on in hopes to deflate my puffy eyes.
After remembering that I still have school tomorrow I contemplated pretending to have the flu tomorrow and staying home, I knew it wouldn't be to hard to convince mom if I set my mind to it.
Any other day and I think I would have done it, but remembering I had to hand in my biology assignment and go to an eZine meeting meant that I was short on options.
Overtaken with exhaustion I padded back to my bedroom before collapsing in my bed, hoping that this was all just a bad dream and that when I woke up, me and Patch would still be together.