Hello there! This a little fanfic that I hope is somewhat humorous. My humor is usually few and far between... so... I hope it turned out as I'd hoped! :) Oh, and translations and footnotes at the bottom. They have numbers by them if I did such.


Warning (Read if you feel that you can easily be offended):

Okay, so from a reviewer I got a bit of a warning about my tendency to over exaggerate, so... I will warn that I over exaggerated the rate of eating disorders. Please don't be offended. :/

In 2010 the eating disorder percentile was 35% of Americans (e.g. bulimia, anorexia. Not over weight.) I exaggerated it to half. Sorry about that kiddos. It just got a bit popular in the movie biz and such, thus affecting the average populous. Don't worry, I used to food deprive myself as much as I possibly could until my (weak immune system) body would kick in and make me super sick (e.g. throwing up, headaches, etc.) I'm not trying to attack people. D:


Disclaimer- I don't own Hetalia (cue horrified gasps)

Well then. ONWARD!

No More Russia?

"No, no, no, Rush - Rush - Russia!" America sang flamboyantly in the meeting room, happy to know the terrifying country was going to be out, or so he thought. France snickered, hiding his obvious smile behind his hand as England walked into the room. England stared at his ex-brother for a long moment. Before England could warn the country of the lie he was told, Russia entered the room. An oddly hospitable expression gracing his face although a purple aura wafted off of him in the masses. England himself felt frighten, even though there was no possible way he was the target of the country's plausible anger.

"Are you celebrating my absence?" Russia asked America in a sweet voice. America froze while in the midst of his crazy little dance. His blue eyes widened as his face lost the majority of its color. England sighed, despite his own fear. That's what you get for being naive, Amerika...

"Ha... Hahahaha... Nyo, of course not~" America said waving a hand rather quickly through the air as if it would help deliver his message that was full of lies.

"It sounded like it, da{1}?" Russia replied, still smiling as if the world was built on sunshine and rainbows. America nervously smiled back, his face a bit green.

"I was singing a song... about the countries... Yeah. Um, the hero telling the countries not to do bad things," America told Russia, nodding his head in approval of the story. Yup, and the hero is me, of course! The almighty America!

"Hmm... That sounds nice," Russia smiled, his purple aura dispersing as he believed America's lie. America let out a quiet sigh of relief. Thank goodness that he was great at everything! Like thinking on his feet! Yes, he is especially good at that. America then trolloped over to France, pretending to not be angry with the pretty-boy. Russia could NOT suspect a thing.

"You lied..." America hissed through his teeth. France shrugged, brushing some of his hair out of his face.

"Nothing happened, so don't worry about it," France replied smoothly. America almost nodded and let it go.

"Hey! It's not cool to trick heros!" America glared at the older, prissier country.

"Oui oui{2}, Amerika. I understand," France sighed, waving the irritable country away while conjuring up a glass of wine. America grumbled softly to himself, and somehow ended up sitting next to the frightening country during the meeting. He stared pleadingly at England, who shrugged which meant sucks to be you.

America moped through half the meeting until his delivery of Mickey-D's arrived. Then the gluttonous country began shoveling burgers down his throat while chugging a Route 64 (A/n: ref to Sonic©, I know... -.-") sized drink. Having the excessive amount of food, causing most the countries to cringe except Russia, who continued to smile despite it all, made America feel less worried about Russia and conspiracies. America pushed up his glasses, and England swore America gained at least ten pounds that time. Russia giggled creepily in amusement at the younger country's eating capacity. America paled and suddenly felt sick out of fear. His stomach turned, and he could feel the food fighting to come back up.

Half of America's country was going through a phase at the time as well. America rushed out of the room to find a bathroom that he could vomit in. Teenage girls and models were turning to bulimia, thus affecting America's own eating habits as well. He thought it to be very unheroic and disgusting. It also left him hungry and depressed. America wearily returned to the meeting, a cloud of perpetual darkness gathered around him, his shoulders slumped over.

Russia, noticing this, did a very un-Russia thing and patted America's back gently. Poor Russia knew how America felt, seeing as Belarus made him feel the same way. America slumped over further, but some how felt oddly comforted by the vastly creepy man. Russia continued to smile as he patted America's back, and the other countries looked on in horror. America looked rather dead in the eyes.

He's sapping the life out of Amerika{3}! France realized, feeling guilty about the joke he'd played on the younger country earlier.

Witchcraft! England declared to himself, but was too afraid to do a thing. A small twinkle was in America's eyes. It was a particular sparkle that none of the countries even noticed. This tiny glimmer was the appreciation of Russia's comforting pat. America groaned softly, and China hid behind his panda.

Ó bù{4}! Amerika's dying! He whimpered, trembling behind his panda. America shifted slightly, leaning into Russia's gentle touch. England's overly imaginative brain began to visualize America's soul lifting up out of his body.

Bloody hell! That demon is absorbing Amerika's soul! America closed his eyes and fell asleep. When America had fallen asleep, all the countries ran out of the room as if Russia was going to kill them all next.

Merde{5}! He's going to kill us all! France ran out, big tears rolling down his cheeks. He felt personally responsible for America's death.

Tā mā de{6}! We're all going to dieeee! China cried, clutching his plushie to his chest and crying out of pure fear for his own precious life.

Bloody hell! Just, bloody hell! Russia's finally gone ballistic! England thought to himself as he high-tailed it out of the meeting room. A ghost-like figure holding a teddy bear skittered after the countries, his tiny ghost heart beating a thousand miles per hour. Russia remained in the room, patiently awaiting America's rising from his happy slumber. The young country looked rather adorable, sleeping at the table like that. Russia couldn't help but smile at him.

When the country did wake up, he was surprised to find himself alone with Russia. Strangely enough, he didn't feel frightened either. Okay, maybe the hero felt a tinsy bit scared... He looked at Russia and yawned loudly.

"The meeting ended?" He asked the usually frightening country.

"Da, not long after you fell asleep, malyutka{7}," Russia replied, his usual smile spreading across his face. America nodded tiredly, yawning again. Maybe it wasn't quite registering in his head, but he was very alone with Russia in that room.

"Neat," he replied.

"Da, if that's how you think of it, podsolnechnik{8}," Russia smiled, and America noticed just how creepy the older country looked.

"Cut that out, Russia. You'll scare someone," America said, "And I'm not up to suiting up{9} at the moment." Russia laughed, his smile relaxing a tinsy bit. America stared at Russia, caught off guard by how cute the Russian looked when he was laughing. An overwhelming urge filled the capricious country up to the brim. He felt like kissing Russia! Another man! For Christ's sake, what was he thinking? The heroic country could NOT go around gaying it up whenever he felt like it! Especially not with Russia.

Russia had stopped laughing and was now looking at America with this innocently curious expression on his face. America squirmed in his seat. There was too much cuteness for him to handle!

America's heart sped up as he found himself no longer able to hold back. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Russia's like an idiot. Much to his surprise, the Russian grabbed his hips and pulled him closer, reacting in a positive manner toward America's kiss. America threaded his fingers into Russia's golden hair. Russia's fingers found America's cowlick and began tugging at it, causing America moan into the kiss. Russia pulled away, leaving America breathless.

"You're a naughty podsolnechnik, da?" Russia smiled at the floating American. America looked at Russia with hazy eyes, his heart beating steadily against his ribcage.

"Ha..." America breathed, still trying to catch his breath. Russia smiled in amusement, passing his fingers through America's dirty blonde hair. America hid his blue eyes behind his eyelids as he leaned into the older country's touch.

"Glupyy{10}," Russia said in a slightly endearing tone. I almost want to break one of his fingers to hear his screams of voskhititel`nyy{11} terror, da... Russia restrained himself though, deciding it was too early in their blooming relationship to try such a thing.


{1} da - Russian for "yes"

{2} oui oui (pronounced 'we we') - French for "yes yes"

{3} Amerika - Japanese for "America" (since I watch the anime in Japanese, this is how countries are usually referred.)

{4} Ó bù - Chinese for "oh no"

{5} Merde - French for "shit"

{6} Tā mā de - Chinese for "fuck"

{7} Malyutka - Russian for "little one"

{8} Podsolnechnik - Russian for "sunflower"

{9} 'suiting up' - a comic book referral to becoming a superhero

{10} Glupyy - Russian for "silly"

{11} Voskhititel`nyy - Russian for "delicious"

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