A/N: AU/AH. Bella who has had her heart broken time and time again chooses to take love out of the equation and lose her virginity casually. The only problem is she's chosen to proposition herself to one of the biggest players UW has ever seen. Can this really be a simple exchange of services like Bella thinks it will be?
This story recently came about because of two reasons. One, I was heavily inspired by such amazing stories as Bet On Me by Kissa621 and The Sexual Awakening Of Bella Swan by Mzmanda (please go give them a read, both writers are much more talented than I could ever hope to be, so check them out before anything else) and I was very interested to foray into this thematical element that seems to be surging in the Twilight fandom as of late. Two, I was watching a vid where Bella seduced Jacob to take her virginity to get back at Edward for sleeping with another girl and the gears began cranking.
I picked UW for Bella because it was close enough that Jacob could be around but far enough from Forks and La Push because of certain details that will come up in future chapters. I've never actually been to UW but I checked out their website and tried to do my best to describe their surroundings based on their own maps, photos and descriptions of the buildings and campus. I'll continue to do my best to research the locations in Seattle that are mentioned in this story. If I'm ever mistaken and you've been there recently, feel free to correct me and I'll make the revision. Google can only take you so far.
Will contain graphic sexual content and vulgar language within the story. If this offends you, please do not read. I don't mean to disrespect the site or its moderators but trying to edit out all the lemony parts and revising the writing to make it fit without them was too time-consuming.
Thank you to Heart Beats For None for beta'ing this chapter and to NikitaJuice for the amazing banner she made for this story as well as rooting for and promoting this story as much as she has. =)
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.
I did everything I was supposed to do. I blushed and rolled my eyes, acting all embarrassed the first time my mom gave me the birds and the bees talk, but made sure to slyly ask questions here and there. I paid attention to the Health teachers over the years as they recited the importance of safe sex and most of all, abstinence. When girls in school started giving their virginities away like it was free candy around 8th grade, I stayed pure. I safeguarded my chastity and decided to wait for the right person, just like I had been told to all these years.
Sure enough, the right person did come along, around the end of my junior year.
His name was Edward Cullen.
He and his family had moved into town right before junior year began but he didn't look my way once, completely unaffected by my presence, my existence was more like it. I wasn't so lucky. He was the most gorgeous boy I had ever laid eyes on. The minute I saw him, I was irrevocably in love with him. His tousled bronze hair and his piercing green eyes. His smile was absolute perfection and every time I saw it, it made me melt inside. He was well-spoken, intelligent, polite and mature. There was not one girl in the school who didn't blush and stutter like an idiot when he smiled their way.
He just so happened to be my lab partner in Biology. How I survived day in and day out, breathing with him next to me, I will never know. I was red as a tomato on a daily basis, I know that. He would try to make civil conversation when we had to do a lab but me being the way I am, I stayed completely silent, meek as a mouse, biting my lip, nodding, never meeting his eyes.
The more I think about it now, the more I scold myself for not seeing the signs sooner. How he talked more than normal when we worked together. How he kept glancing over to me when we were taking notes, forcing me to hide my blushing face behind my hair. How he had never paid any attention to any other girl when I was around, even my good friend Rosalie Hale, who happened to be just as in love with him as I was. Rose was a classic beauty, perfect in every way, matching him well, a real god and goddess. Any other girl would have been a better match for him. I was no idiot. I was as plain as they come, not to mention I was quiet and kept to myself and I couldn't stop myself from going red every five minutes around him.
So, imagine my surprise when my own personal god turned to me one Thursday and asked if I would go out with him the next night. My eyes had widened in my shock and when I turned to look at him, he had smiled and I nodded, my mouth still hanging open. His chuckle was like honey to the ears, so smooth and golden was the sound. It made me die inside. Before I knew what was happening, he had gotten my number and promised to call later that night to decide what our date would consist of. When the bell rang, he grinned and leaned down to kiss my cheek. "Talk to you later, Bella," he whispered before leaving the room and me swooning.
I nearly fainted that day.
Edward not only emulated physical perfection but he was an incredible boyfriend as well. He ended up taking me to Bella Italia, a nice Italian restaurant in Port Angeles, for our first date. He was charming, funny and just overall amazing, not to mention very interested in what little I had to say. And at the end, rather than kiss me like I was hoping, he repeated the kiss on my cheek and asked if he could see me again the next night. Like an idiot, I could only nod dumbly as I tried to recover from the tingling feeling on my cheek from his smooth lips.
It was official. Edward Cullen and I were dating. And I couldn't have been happier.
He remembered every anniversary. He would walk me to every class, holding my books. He would pick me up for school and take me home. He brought me home to meet his family. His sister, Alice, even became one of my best friends. He never paid attention to any other female trying to get him to look his way. He only had eyes for me. All of my friends were insanely jealous, except for Angela of course. She knew how happy Edward made me and she was thrilled for us. He listened to every word I had to say and never once looked bored. He always told me I looked beautiful, never caring whether I was dressed up or just bumbling around in a t-shirt and sweats. He was polite and respectful to Charlie, who just considered him with a grunt upon meeting him and turned back to the television. Little did I know when I went upstairs to the bathroom quickly, he had threatened Edward's life should he ever hurt me. Edward had taken it in stride and only told me later, chuckling good-naturedly, saying he understood, as I fumed. When I was having a bad day, Edward would show up with a pint of my favorite ice cream and let me cry to him if I needed. He didn't care how many times I made him watch Sleepless In Seattle or The Notebook. He was just….perfect. It wasn't long before he was telling me he loved me.
He never pushed me like most guys would have. I was usually the one pushing him. I had known since the very beginning that he was the one I wanted to lose my virginity to and I didn't see the point in waiting any further. But, after our kissing would turn passionate, he would gently move away and insist he wanted both of us to be sure before moving forward. I would hate it then, being caught up in the moment before having ice water thrown on me, but later, I would be grateful for having such a considerate and wonderful boyfriend who understood myself better than I did, it seemed.
I guess maybe I should have pushed him more or seen that I was becoming the aggressor when it came to any physicality in our relationship. But, nope. I was completely oblivious and stupidly in love.
That love was completely shattered when I found him in a small room at the country club our prom was being held at. He had wandered off earlier, leaving me alone in the massive room packed with bodies, and when he didn't return after a while, I set out in search to find him.
And find him I did.
Along with an employee of the club.
"Bella, love, this is not what it looks like," Edward called to me frantically.
It was exactly what it looked like.
Before I could make a sound, I saw that the employee was not a hot girl that had managed to turn his head from me, but a boy. A good looking boy, who appeared to have copper skin and short dark hair. The boy smiled sheepishly at me, his white teeth gleaming, his dark eyes apologetic, as Edward let him down and he quickly got redressed, tucking his shirt back in and zipping his pants up. He fixed his uniform and rushed past me, not meeting my shocked gaze.
"Seth, wait….," Edward pleaded. He fixed himself as well, noting the burning in my cheeks as he stood there in all his glory as I stared at him. I somehow managed to avert my eyes and turned to leave. Edward grasped my arm gently, stopping me. "Bella, I….I don't know what to say other than that I'm sorry….I can't help it….I….I met Seth a little while back and things just kind of….I was going to tell you, I just….prom was coming up and I didn't….please, Bella, please know how sorry I am….don't…." He sighed heavily. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"
I was angry, turning on him in a fury. Was that all he was worried about? Me telling everyone? What about me? What about our relationship? What about the fact that I was head over heels in love with him? What about the fact that my heart was breaking? What about…. I couldn't bring myself to say any of those things and I ended up yanking my arm back and leaving. I had gone back into the main room, grabbed my things from our table, ignoring the worried glances my friends sent me, wondering what happened, and marched outside. There I called Angela, asking her to come and pick me up, since she had opted to stay home even though it was our senior prom. She was there in fifteen minutes.
I sobbed the whole way home, so much that Angela had to pull over and held me as I cried. Edward Cullen had broken my heart. I guess, in a way, he had cheated on me, but in the end, I couldn't be mad at him for it. It was something he couldn't control, couldn't help, and I knew he truly did care for me and hadn't wanted to hurt me. He was just in love with someone else. And he was scared to tell me, to tell anyone. How could I blame him for what had happened? Even though I had finally reached that understanding and forgiven him, it definitely took me a long time to get there.
I ignored him the next few weeks, never letting him see me cry like Rose had said. He tried to talk to me, calling constantly, but I stayed silent. I knew he was worried I would tell his secret but I never would. Only Angela and Rose knew, they both had helped me deal with my heart break, been there to support me and help me pick up the pieces. Telling Jessica would have been like grabbing a bullhorn and announcing it to Forks myself. I loved the girl but she had a big mouth. Alice, not knowing the real reason Edward and I had broken up, became more and more furious with me as she saw her brother bending over backwards to mend things between us and me continuing to avoid him like the Plague. And she became even more enraged when Edward and I both refused to tell her what was going on. Mine and Alice's friendship fell through that month.
It wasn't until the night of graduation, at a party Rose was throwing, that I finally spoke to Edward and forgave him. He had been so relieved that I didn't hate him and he never knew just how much it hurt to see him smile at me the way he did and not run off to cry over what I had lost like I wanted to.
But eventually, I moved on. Edward and I stayed friends and we still caught up with each other every now and then through phone calls or emails.
I had applied to UW and gotten in. Jessica had as well and her dad was able to work it so that she and I were roommates. Rose decided to give modeling a try and moved to Seattle, instantly getting a nice apartment with her parents' money. Angela moved in with her, taking the spare bedroom. She had decided to take a semester off and try her hand at working. A surprise move for Angela to me. Out of all of us, she was the most likely to go to an Ivy League school and graduate, top honors, but she said she was most comfortable taking a breather and trying to figure it all out. So, all four of us became inseparable. Rose, through the contacts she had made, got into some great parties, not to mention the ones that were being thrown near the campus.
I, not being a party person, more often than not, showed up to these soirees to pick up a severely intoxicated Jessica and take her back home before she could get herself into more serious trouble. Rose would watch her until I came and then I would take Jess back to our dorm and sneak her in, past the RA. How I ever managed to do that when Jessica was giggling nonstop and whining loudly, stumbling all over the place, as I led her back up to our room, I will never know.
And that was how I met Colin.
He had seen me struggling with Jess at one such party, to get her out to my car, and offered to help me carry her. At that point, I was exhausted of any energy to keep fighting with her that I accepted gratefully; she had wanted to stay. He picked Jess up in his arms, bridal style, and carried her outside with me leading the way. She was hiccupping and giggling, asking him if he wanted to come back to our dorm room and see her bed; I knew at that point she was extremely wasted and he just smiled indulgently, telling her maybe next time as he shut her door gently. I thanked him and went to leave when he put out a hand to stop me. He asked me if I was Bella Swan and when I didn't answer, wondering how this guy could possibly know who I was, he reminded me he was in my Philosophy Class. It suddenly dawned on me that he was right. We had never spoken before but I remembered seeing him, sitting in the class. He went to say something else when he was cut off by the sound of the door opening and a disgusting retching sound. We both turned to see Jess getting sick, leaning heavily on the door. I rushed to her side, waited until she was done, took a tissue out of the glove compartment and handed it to her. She held it to her mouth and I leaned her back into her seat. I shut the door and ran to the other side.
"Sorry," I called out to Colin. "I have to get her home. Thanks for your help. I'll see you in class."
Colin waved. "Definitely."
I jumped in the car and took Jess back to the dorm.
A few days later, in my Philosophy class, someone leaned against my desk at the end of the session. I looked up to find none other than Colin, smiling down at me. "So, Bella, how's your friend feeling? Any better?" I blushed and dropped my eyes, focusing on gathering my books. "She's feeling much better, thanks." I stood up and he followed me out the door. "Good," he grinned at me. "That means she can take care of herself. Are you free tonight?"
I stopped and stared at him, shocked that this guy I had barely known existed until a few nights ago had just asked me out. He was rather attractive. I knew him to be from La Push right away. A lot of us from Forks and La Push ended up here if we didn't travel down to California or across the country. He, too, had copper skin and dark eyes and black hair, also cropped, just like Seth's had been. That thought made me wince internally. "Well, uh….the thing is—"
He smiled at me, his coffee-colored eyes twinkling. "Please?" He asked softly. And I was a goner.
Colin Littlesea and I dated for about two months. Two amazing months. He was completely different to everything Edward had been, something I took to be a good thing. He didn't remember dates, he most certainly didn't show up with a pint of Chubby Hubby for me to dig into when I was having a bad day and he absolutely refused to sit through any chick flicks with me unless making out at some point was on the agenda.
That's not to say that he didn't care about me; he did.
He was just different. He and I certainly fought a lot more than Edward and I had. But it usually ended in a hot makeout and groping session. If I was upset, he let me cry on his shoulder and rubbed mine, soothing me, offering to kick the person's ass that had been mean to me and turned my day into shit. He was most definitely the aggressive party in the relationship, something that thrilled me to no end, knowing how much he wanted me. But I had successfully held him off for two months. It wasn't that I wasn't ready or didn't think Colin wasn't the one (experiencing college life, that final step before being launched into the real world, had rid me of any fairytale notions about sex and romance), but something made me wait. Whether it be fear of my first time and not being experienced (he definitely was) or remembering what I had been told all those years about waiting to be in love (I loved him but head over heels in love with him? no) or some strange combination of the two, I held myself back. He wasn't pleased with it but he understood. It didn't stop him from trying to constantly break my resolve. I had learned very quickly to never wear skirts around Colin.
More than once, he had snuck his hand down into my underwear only to have it yanked back out again. He had also placed my hand on his all too obvious erection during these times and begged me to touch him. I had a couple of times, feeling weird and guilty as I did it. I had been curious but the curiosity was pretty much dashed when he came in my hand the first time. I was more grossed out than anything and mortified when he asked me to clean him up with my tongue since I had been such a bad girl and made a mess. I had quickly gotten to my feet, ignored his pleas and apologies, wiped my hands and left his dorm room, slamming the door.
We had talked later that night on the phone and after accepting his thousandth apology, we had an understanding that my mouth would not be going near that anytime soon. He told me he loved me and would wait until I was ready, apologizing again. I told him I loved him, too, and agreed to see him the next day. I had taken a longer shower that night, scrubbing my hands vigorously.
By the time I was ready, we were nearing our two and a half month mark. At that point, we had graduated to him rubbing me on the outside of my underwear which always made me want more and I would grind into his lap, into his covered erection, tenting his jeans. We had dry humped a couple of times, me even allowing him to take my panties off once and feel him rub against me, getting wet spots on his pants. He would always groan and beg for me to allow him to stick it in, just the tiniest bit, but I never gave in. I wanted our first time to be special, not take place in the library in the back at a desk and not in his dorm room while his roommate Brady was in the shower, most likely just running it so he could listen to us have sex and touch himself. Colin had told me he was a perv that way.
I had gotten very good at hand jobs by then, under Colin's instruction, and didn't mind it when he came each time, coating my hands. It took me some getting used to, but I always loved seeing the look of pure pleasure on his face as he climaxed, knowing that I did that to him. He would kiss me and thank me, panting, and I would smile. Never again did he ask me to ''clean him up''. He knew I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to until I was ready.
And at two and a half months, I decided, I was ready. Colin had been an amazing, understanding and loving boyfriend. I loved him and it was time for us to take the next step. I could feel it. It was right.
I decided to surprise him one night and set up in his dorm room. Brady had a night class and would be going out afterwards like he did every Wednesday night, not returning until the pub closed. Colin had a tutoring session; he had fallen behind in his Western Civ class and considering it was a core requirement, he needed to pass. I would have helped him but he insisted on getting a tutor, smirking mischievously when he said he wouldn't get any studying done with me around. As I walked to his building, I smiled at the thought of him, poring over his history book. My baby had never been very good at paying attention to dates except ours.
I made an excuse to the person manning the desk and headed up to his room. I was going to set it up with candles and soft music so when he came back to call me like he usually did, he would find me in his bed instead, dressed in some lingerie Rose had gone with me to buy, waiting for him. My hair and make-up were already done and I had a sexy garter set on underneath my coat, my bag over my shoulder. I made it to his door and smiled when I saw his writing on the message board, some quick note he had left for Brady a few weeks ago.
I took a deep breath.
This was it.
I was a bit nervous but I knew this was right. I loved Colin and I knew Colin loved me. He was the one, the one that I would finally give myself to. After tonight, I would no longer be a virgin and by the time Brady got back, we might have already done it two or three times and I would be one very satisfied newbie in the Sex Club.
I bit my lip shyly. I really hoped Colin liked what I had on. He had seen me topless and, for all intents and purposes, bottomless but this, this was unchartered territory for me. And then I thought of his smile, his eyes twinkling at me and it made me smile wider. I was going to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I loved him.
I pulled the key out of my pocket, the copy of the one I had made when I snatched his for a couple of hours the other day when he asked me to pick up some clothes for him that one time. I put it in the lock and turned the knob. I exhaled deeply and let the confidence wash over me before opening the door and walking in.
Not only was Colin never good at remembering dates but he also wasn't very good at waiting apparently.
He was being tutored alright.
His tutor, some leggy dirty blonde, was riding him like her eight seconds were about to run out on the bull machine.
I had dropped my bag in shock and gasped loudly. She was yelling so loud, she didn't hear me, but Colin did. When he saw me, he immediately pushed the girl off of him and covered up with the blanket, trying to get to his feet.
"Isn't what it looks like?" I somehow managed to blurt out.
I had been wondering why he hadn't been pushing me as hard these past couple of weeks. And here I thought it was just him being understanding, patient, enjoying what we had been doing like the idiot I was. Well, at least this time, the other woman was indeed a woman.
My eyes burned with tears that I wanted to shed but didn't. I couldn't let him see how much he hurt me.
Too late. By the look in his eyes and the deep apology in them, he already had. My gaze shifted to the girl still on the bed, now with his sheet wrapped around her, and she had the decency to drop her eyes at my malevolent glare.
I looked once more at Colin. His mouth opened to speak but I cut him off.
"Well, looks like I don't have to set up for tonight after all. Seems your bed is already taken."
I turned to leave when he stopped me with a gentle hand on my arm. Déjà vu hit me like a ton of bricks.
He turned me back to him. "Wait, what do you mean 'set up for tonight'?"
I almost laughed. That's all he had to say? A stray tear that I couldn't stop slowly trailed down my left cheek before I wiped it away.
His eyes filled with realization and then his face crumpled in pain. "Bella…."
"Don't." And once again, I yanked my arm away and left the room.
Strangely enough, Edward was the one I chose to call that night. He didn't say much, just let me get it all out before assuring me that I was lovable and beautiful and wanted. He promised if he were straight, he would have married me the second we were out of high school; he loved me that much. I smiled at that and the fact that he was trying so hard to comfort me from his apartment in Hanover, with Seth listening nearby.
I called Angela the next day and she came over, again holding me as I cried.
And just like before, Colin tried to contact me, tried to see me, but it took Jess and Rose both to get him to stop trying to rush my room. Rose never shied away from a confrontation if the situation called for it and backed by Jessica, that was a lethal combination. Braver men than Colin had put their tails between their legs and backed off.
It hurt. I had loved Colin, almost as much as I loved Edward, and to have both of them cheat on me, hurt me the way they had, nearly destroyed me. But, inevitably, I moved on. What choice did I have?
We had two weeks to go until school let out for the semester. I still had class with Colin but I refused to look at him, talk to him, even acknowledge his existence. I was the first to get to class, always making sure to sit in a crowded spot so the seats would be taken by the time he got there, and the first to escape when class was over. He tried to catch up to me a few times, but Jess was always there and one death glare from her kept him away.
After a while, he stopped calling my phone, stopped emailing me incessantly, stopped following me outside of class and when I heard he had moved on, too, it hurt worse than it should have. Especially, when his new supposed girlfriend had been the very same girl he had cheated on me with.
Colin and I didn't stay friends.
So, once the semester was finished, I made my decision. I wouldn't be going back to Forks for Christmas break as planned or to Jacksonville to visit my mother and Phil. I broke both my parents' hearts but explained it away as staying with my college friends and I would see both over the summer and possibly spring break.
A plan, a crazy plan but a highly successful one, had formulated in my mind and I intended to see it through.
I would be staying here with Jess. I convinced her to take me to a party she was attending that very night.
I was done with love. I was done with waiting for it. Love had proven useless and misguiding in both instances. Maybe it was me, maybe it was the two guys I had fallen for, maybe it was fate, maybe it was all coincidence, I didn't know, but either way, love was not in the cards for me.
I was nineteen years old and it was time for me to grow up. Time for me to rid myself of this foolish hopeless romantic Pollyanna routine. It was time for me to become a woman, take the bull by the horns and do what I needed to do. I had needs that needed to be met. Love wasn't a requirement for that. If anything, it just messed up the final result. I wanted to rid myself of the complications. Many others had, like Jess, so why couldn't I?
There was only one person that came to mind when I made the decision to rid myself of my loathed virginity.
I stared at the house, seeing the party in full swing. I smoothed down the skirt of my dress, pulled my white sweater over my shoulders more, tossed my loose curls over my right shoulder and took a deep breath.
I could do this. I was doing this.
Before I could think too much more on it, Jess appeared next to me, giggling in excitement and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the party. I ignored the fact that I was a tad overdressed, that I looked more like someone going to a fancy dinner than a college party held off campus, and allowed Jess to lead me inside. A guy looked us up and down, nodding appreciatively, as we headed up the steps to the door. I heard a whistle from somewhere over my left shoulder.
I looked away from the guy, swallowing, and took another deep breath, plastering a fake smile onto my face.
I could do this.
I was going to do this.
I was going to make a deal with the devil himself.
I was tired of waiting and I refused to do so anymore.